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When two passionate people get together, the fire burns hot. And sometimes, the embers pop out and create an uncontrolled blaze. Gen and Jackie were the teen lesbian equivalent of The Towering Inferno.
Gen and Jackie had been together a couple of months, and they had braved a national soccer tournament, multiple of Lottie’s parties, and a double date with their slightly sharper best friend counterparts. They had made countless people uncomfortable with over-the-top displays of affection, Mari often complaining of “seeing too much tongue” and “nothing being left to the imagination.”
“You’re just jealous that the last guy you dated decided he’d rather turn his family tree into a circle.” Jackie said as Mari scoffed and stalked away.
But the one thing they were completely unprepared for was their first big fight. To be fair, no one is very prepared for their first fight when they’re living in the honeymoon phase. But Gen and Jackie had put down roots in the honeymoon phase, had a honeymoon phase mortgage and were dreaming of a honeymoon phase boat. Which meant they were woefully unprepared and had not thought through how to properly communicate their feelings.
Which shouldn’t be a shocker, they were two horny teenage girls running on pure hormonal energy.
The fight started in earnest as a debate between over their plans for their next date. They sat in Gen’s bedroom, Jackie splayed over Gen’s smaller frame.
“I was thinking that this Saturday we could go to Lottie’s party,” Jackie said easily as she dragged her fingers across Gen’s stomach.
Gen sighed. “Can’t we like, do something just the two of us?”
Jackie jolted up onto her elbows to look directly at Gen. “What, don’t you like Lottie?”
“Of course. I love Lottie. But sometimes I want to go on a date with my girlfriend where it’s just us and we’re not surrounded by 15 of our drunkest teammates.” Gen tried to do damage control, but going by Jackie’s annoyed expression Gen guessed she was too late.
“Well what would you suggest?” Jackie asked almost sardonically.
“I don’t know,” Gen shrugged. “Dinner, a movie, maybe mini golf?”
“We’ve done dinner already and we’re always watching movies!” Jackie flopped down on the bed in almost parodic exasperation. Gen had to keep herself from snickering at how dramatic she was being.
“Yeah and we’ve done Lottie’s party ten times over,” Gen rolled her eyes. “Why can’t we do mini golf?”
“Ugh you would want to.” Jackie crossed her arms like a petulant child and pouted. Honest to god pouted. Gen felt her blood pressure begin to rise.
“What is that supposed to mean?” Gen looked at Jackie like she was expecting an answer that was stupid as fuck. And who would Jackie be if she didn’t give Gen what she wanted?
“I mean you’re the boy one.” Jackie said it like it was obvious. Gen’s scoff was a touch louder than a break of the sound barrier.
“I’m not the boy one,” Gen said, nearly livid.
“Well I’m certainly not the boy one!” Jackie threw her arms in the air. She was finding it impossible to reason with a crazy person.
“Neither of us are the boy one! That’s the whole fucking point!” Gen yelled as she flung herself off the bed. Jackie looked taken aback.
“You know what I mean babe—“ Jackie tried to explain herself but Gen had gotten going and there was no stopping that storm.
“No I don’t, babe.” Gen snarked at Jackie. “What makes me the boy one?”
“I mean, just look at you and then look at me,” Jackie’s voice grew weaker by the second as she faltered under Gen’s fury.
“We wear the same clothes! Famously!” Gen yelled as she yanked open her closet door and pulled out a carbon copy of the dress Jackie was wearing. She tossed it onto Jackie and it landed on Jackie’s head, covering her like Charlie Brown dressed as a ghost.
“Yeah, but,” Jackie fully trailed off and Gen stood with her arms crossed, tapping her foot. Very reminiscent of Jackie herself. Hm, perhaps Gen had a point.
“So here’s what I’m thinking now for our weekend date,” Gen seethed. “You leave my house, don’t talk to me, and don’t think of trying to talk to me until I decide that you have the privilege of apologizing and making it up to me. Tenfold.”
“Gen,” Jackie started but she was unceremoniously ushered out of Gen’s bedroom. She was practically kicked out of the house like Fred Flintstone. It was undignified.
As she sat on the curb, having a dramatic movie moment (one of her favorite pastimes) staring into the distance as the emotion wore plain on her face, one tear streaking down her face, she had a brainstorm: she needed someone’s help.
Someone blonde, with a puppy dog attitude, a closeness to Gen, and a backwards pink hat. She needed Melissa.
She got up, got in her car, and sped away. She might have nicked a neighbor's mailbox on the way, but what Mr. Kessler didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him.
Shauna and Melissa were mere moments from a very good evening, both in an advanced state of undress, when Melissa’s bedroom door flew open violently.
“MELISSA!” Jackie screamed as she slammed the door shut behind her. After a moment of scrambling from the two horny teens on the bed, Jackie realized what she was barging in on. “Oh my god, ew!”
Melissa was luckily still in her underwear, though Shauna couldn’t say the same. She flew under Melissa’s blanket for some modicum of modesty. “JACKIE! I will KILL you!” Shauna yelled from under the blanket, though Melissa leapt on top of her to keep her from making good on the promise. She held the blanket down by the edges as Shauna tried to claw her way out like a trapped cat.
“Jackie, if you’re going to barge into my room with no warning, you have to be prepared that Shauna and I might be…in the middle of something.” Melissa tried to reason with Jackie as Shauna writhed beneath Melissa.
“Sorry I wasn’t expecting cunnilingus!” Jackie sounded exasperated. Shauna made an audible gagging noise.
“Jackie, for one time in your life use a euphemism.” Shauna scolded, before adding, “correctly.”
Melissa felt Shauna give up and she stood up, running her hand through her hair, which Jackie noticed. “You’re not wearing your hat.”
“Jackie, I don't wear my hat when I’m doing…that.” Melissa sighed. “It’s impractical.”
“I just have never seen you without your hat on.” Jackie tilted her head, trying to comprehend what she was looking at. “It’s like seeing your teacher outside of school. Or a dog in clothes. But better. You look good.”
Shauna snarled at Jackie’s slightly flirty tone. “You have a girlfriend, remember? And it isn’t mine.”
“Ugh, that’s the problem.” Jackie sighed, plopping down on Melissa’s bed next to Shauna, who had finally popped her head out from under the blanket. “Gen’s mad at me.”
“There’s a shocker,” Shauna muttered and Jackie smacked her hard. Based on Shauna’s pained, angry reaction, Jackie had hit tit.
“Wait, before we return to your Gen problems, how did you get into my house?” Melissa was literally scratching her head.
“Your brother let me in.” Jackie waved the question away with her hand.
“Which one?” Melissa probed.
“Ugh, does it matter?” Jackie threw her hands up in the air. “I have bigger fish to fry!”
“I wanna know which one I have to talk to,” Melissa shrugged.
“He had blonde hair, blue eyes, big hands, terrible fashion sense,” Jackie began listing.
“You just described every member of Melissa’s family,” Shauna snickered.
“Hey!” Melissa smacked Shauna, and with Shauna’s swallowed moan, Melissa knew she hit the other tit.
“He had an awful mustache. He looked like a porn star.” Jackie shuddered.
“Fucking Jeff,” Shauna muttered.
“Anyway, back to me,” Jackie said with a flourish. “I need your help getting Gen to forgive me.”
“What did you do?” Melissa furrowed her brows.
“Does it matter?” Jackie fidgeted a bit, guessing her remark would go over like a fart in church in this room.
She felt two pairs of eyes boring into her skull and after a few moments of that, she gave in. Under extreme emotional duress.
“I may have said that she was the boy of the relationship.” Jackie was sheepish, shoulders hunched, eyes narrowed. She looked like an old, not-so-wise turtle.
Melissa and Shauna just gaped at her, gobsmacked. Jackie felt herself grow involuntarily defensive. “What?” She yelped as though she were in pain. Melissa glanced at Shauna, willing Shauna to take over the duty of explaining to Jackie what exactly had gone wrong.
“Congrats, Jax,” Shauna said, grabbing Jackie’s hand and shaking it. Jackie went along with it, massively confused. “You’ve somehow said and done the stupidest thing of your life thus far. Maybe ever, depending on where you go from here.”
Jackie rolled her eyes and huffed. “You’re not helping, Shauna. Besides, I wanted Melissa’s opinion. She has the inside track on Gen’s mind.” Jackie looked expectantly at Melissa.
“I’m gonna have to agree with Shauna here,” Melissa glanced at Shauna who was smiling before looking back at Jackie who was decidedly not. "That's a really stupid thing to say. Especially to Gen.”
“But it’s the truth!” Jackie whined. “Look at her, then look at me!”
“Jackie, you’re both super femme.” Melissa tried to reason with Jackie.
“But she wants to mini golf!” Jackie tried to emphasize her point. “Golf’s like, the gayest sport!”
“You’re both gay!” Shauna exclaimed from the sidelines of the conversation.
“Wait, Jackie,” Melissa’s brows furrowed in that adorable way that made Shauna want to bite them off and that annoying way that made Jackie want to rip them off. “What do you mean by mini golf?”
“I asked if she wanted to go to Lottie’s party on Saturday and she said she’d rather mini golf,” Jackie said, leaving some key details out.
“Expand,” Melissa ordered, a hint of control in her voice that sent a shiver down Jackie’s spine. She kinda got it now, for the first time, what Shauna saw in Melissa. Jackie was ever-so-slightly turned on by Melissa Hat.
Gross!
“I asked about the party, and she suggested a solo date where we just hang out together, like a movie or mini golf,” Jackie said as she dropped her head in her hands. Farther away from the initial fight she felt herself grow embarrassed by her part in it. “But she was really emphasizing the mini golf thing. And I was like ‘duh, you’d wanna do mini golf, since you’re the boy,’ And she did not like that. And then she kicked me out of her house.”
“So Gen wanted to spend quality time alone with you, her girlfriend.” Melissa ran her hand through her hair to try and ground herself during a recounting of the dumbest argument in the history of mankind. “And you, still her girlfriend, decided instead of finding a middle ground to call her the boy one? And I’m guessing you dug your heels in and made it worse?”
“Maybe,” Jackie grumbled, before trying for a Hail Mary. She spun to face Shauna. “You get it, right?”
“Uh, get what?” Shauna looked a little stunned that she was so quickly reeled back into this lunacy. She was enjoying being a spectator in Jackie’s drama for once.
“Clearly Melissa’s the boy one. You’re dating the boy one too!” Jackie pointed at Melissa who looked vaguely annoyed though not nearly as much as Gen was.
“Jackie, neither of us are the boy one.” Shauna said each syllable as slowly as possible. Jackie was seeming to get stupider by the second.
“I know that, but you know what I mean!” The Hail Mary was failing.
“Jackie, I loathe to tell you this,” Shauna said as she sighed. “But if Melissa and I told you the gender dynamics at play here, your little freshly gay head would spin like a top.”
Jackie’s jaw dropped. “Shauna, are you the boy one?”
“Jackie, the whole point–” Shauna was cut off by Jackie pointing frantically at Melissa.
“But the hats!” Jackie wailed like a banshee.
“Alright, I’m cutting this conversation off now,” Melissa said, clapping her hands dramatically. “Jackie, what is your plan to make it up to Gen?”
“I…” Jackie trailed off. “I was hoping you would come up with one.”
Melissa sighed so deeply it was as though it came from the Earth itself. She began pulling on a t-shirt and a pair of jeans. “Let’s go to the mall, hit up the food court, and try to come up with something.” She turned to Shauna. “Baby, I hate to do this, but get dressed and head over to Gen’s and try to do some damage control.”
Shauna looked like she wanted to kill Melissa at the suggestion of spending quality alone time with Gen. She’d rather spend quality alone time with the whale from Orca. Less likely to kill her.
Melissa looked at Jackie. “Could you give us a moment alone?” Jackie nodded, and headed to the corner of Melissa’s room. She put her fingers in her ears and began singing “Escapade” by Janet Jackson. As she got into it, she began dancing in a way only a white girl from New Jersey could.
“If we can’t get these two to make up, neither of us will know a moment’s peace again.” Melissa reasoned with Shauna.
“When have we ever known a moment’s peace from them? Jackie just barged into your room when you were about to go down on me.” A salient point from Shauna.
“If you help me with this I will make it worth your while. And I’ll buy a lock for my bedroom door.” Melissa sealed her promise with a raised eyebrow and a wink. Shauna began grabbing for her clothes as Melissa tapped Jackie on the shoulder.
“Sunset Mall. You’re driving.” Melissa grabbed her hat and ushered Jackie out of her room to allow Shauna to change in privacy.
One trip to the food court later, with Jackie enjoying a frozen yogurt and Melissa having seemingly gotten one of everything from each dining establishment, the unlikely pair began their planning of how Jackie was going to make it up to Gen.
“Okay, so what do you have in mind?” Melissa asked as she began demolishing a hamburger. She was somehow already covered in American cheese and secret sauce. Jackie watched her, incredibly grossed out. She couldn’t believe she found Melissa even slightly attractive before.
“I apologize.” Jackie said, scooping up a small bit of frozen yogurt on her spoon and eating it triumphantly. Melissa rolled her eyes.
“Well, stop the presses. Jackie Taylor has come up with the plan of the century. With an idea as well thought out as that, how can you lose?” Melissa said, mouth half full of food.
“Swallow before you speak, please.” Jackie’s scolding tone only encouraged Melissa to stick out her tongue and bare the masticated burger still sitting in her mouth. Jackie turned green. “Do you have any better ideas?”
“‘Apologize’ isn’t an idea, it’s just what you should be doing.” Melissa asked after slurping down some Sprite. “How are you going to apologize?”
“I say I’m sorry!” Jackie sounded defensive, and it wasn’t helped by Melissa making a loud, incorrect buzzer sound.
“That will not work with Gen.” Melissa said knowingly. “She doesn’t want bare minimum, she wants some work put into it. And you did something really bad so she’s really going to want to see the work. And much like my recent trig test, ‘trust me’ is not going to cut it.”
Jackie sat, twirling her frozen yogurt around and thinking. Though it was very hard to hold onto a train of thought as the human version of the Cookie Monster demolished a basket of fries and a California roll across from her.
“I hire a skywriter–” Jackie didn’t get too far in that thought before Melissa cut her off, clicking her chopsticks together to stop her in her tracks. Jackie suddenly had the strong urge to take those chopsticks and shove them up her–
“Gen HATES grand gestures. You do that and she’s gonna get even madder.” Melissa said after swallowing a large mouthful of food. Jackie could follow the lump down Melissa’s throat with her eyes. “Once I fucked up, forgot her birthday. Happens to all of us. I tried to make it up to her by hiring a Gorilla-gram to apologize and bring her a cake.”
“What happened?” Jackie was always intrigued by Melissa. She was hard to pin down. That was probably what drew Shauna to her, her unpredictability. Well, that and those hands.
“Well,” Melissa began as she took a massive sip of her milkshake. “She was scared by the Gorilla, the guy was like a foot taller than her. She kneed him in the nuts and he dropped the cake on the porch. Then I popped up to try and smooth things over. She slapped me and didn’t talk to me for a week.”
Jackie didn’t realize until the end of the story that she had genuinely locked in on the story. “Right, no skywriter, then.” Jackie shook her head.
Melissa swallowed her third bite of pizza. “Gen likes gifts, but she likes thoughtful gifts. She likes stuff that makes it clear you were thinking of her. One time I bought her a locket with my picture on one side and hers on the others. I joked that when she closed it we would kiss.” Melissa stopped, suddenly. “I think she took that the wrong way.”
Jackie nodded furiously. “I can definitely buy stuff.”
“Judging by your house, I would hope so.” Melissa joked, then narrowed her eyes. “Speaking of, why the hell were you, Little Miss Upper Middle Class, bumming rides off my lower middle class girlfriend for so long?”
“Because I wanted to get in her pants, Hat. Keep up.” Jackie rolled her eyes. “Back to Gen, what should I buy her?”
“Well, you can never go wrong with clothes, and I assume you can just go back to Banana Republic and buy everything you’re wearing in petite.” Melissa said as she began munching on a bucket of churros. “But maybe go a little more personal. What would tell Gen you care, you listen to her, you love her?”
Jackie’s eyes went wide. “Who said anything about love?”
“Oh puh-lease.” Melissa rolled her eyes. “I know you’re just as lovestruck as Gen is, you big lesbo.”
“Did Gen tell you she loved me?” Jackie practically leapt across the table instinctually, and Melissa flinched.
“Uh…I plead the fifth?” Melissa tried to redirect the conversation before Jackie lost all control. “So what are you thinking?”
“I’m thinking…other than the love thing, of course,” Jackie said with a signature side eye, “that we head over to the Gap. I do my best thinking in the aisles of a clothing store.”
Jackie rose and bounded away. Melissa attempted to follow, but first tried to shove the last remnants of her food court cornucopia into her gullet without choking (and failed).
Outside Gen’s house, Shauna sat quietly, trying to work up the courage to go to Gen’s door.
“Hey, Gen.” Shauna was practicing sounding relaxed and not aggressive. It was not coming easy. “Hi, Gen. How’s it going, Gen?”
Shauna took a deep breath and got out of her car. She got up to the front door and knocked, firmly but not “like a cop from a 70s movie about police brutality” as Melissa had so helpfully pointed out. Shauna didn’t mean to scare Melissa’s mom, but now Melissa waited by the door every time Shauna was coming over to keep another fainting spell from happening. That concussion was a real bummer.
Gen opened the door with a look that mixed suspicion with concern. “Did Jackie send you here to kidnap me?”
“Hi, Gen,” Shauna said sarcastically. Not a tone she practiced but also not the aggressive tone she was fighting against. A win is a win!
“Hi Shauna. Did Jackie send you here to kidnap me?” Gen breezed past the pleasantries to the initial concern.
“No, she didn’t send me to kidnap you.” Shauna said, rolling her eyes. “I came of my own accord after Jackie talked about you two getting into a fight.”
“Oh, so Mel made you come over.” Gen nodded knowingly.
“Are you going to invite me in or just let me sweat my ass off on your porch?” Shauna was becoming snarky. Gen began closing the door in Shauna’s face but Shauna stuck her hand out and forced it back open.
“Do come in, Shauna.” Gen said, with a flourish of her hand, and she completed the mocking invite with a deep bow. Shauna stepped over the mantle with a huff. The pair headed to Gen’s room, closing the door behind them. Shauna sat at Gen’s desk, while Gen sat on her bed.
“So, you and Jackie are fighting.” Shauna said with finality. Not a question.
“Yeah, your best friend is something else.” Gen said, shaking her head with a hint of melancholy. Shauna smirked.
“You’re telling me. She tried to insinuate the same thing about Mel.” Shauna was trying to gain Gen’s trust. Gen didn’t trust Shauna as far as she could throw her (a very short distance given Gen’s height deficiencies).
“And you said…?” Gen was intrigued by the idea of Shauna standing up to Jackie. It still seemed somewhat foreign but from what Melissa had told Gen, it had been more frequent since the two of them got together. It was nice that Melissa gave Shauna a confidence boost. A little scary given what that boost tended to bring out of Shauna, but nice all the same.
“I told her not to worry about our dynamic.” Gen made a slightly grossed out face. There were a million things that could mean, some of them a lot more than Gen wanted to know about her lifelong best friend, and she knew that most (if not all) of them were accurate. “I also told her she was a moron for saying that to you.”
“What was her response?” Gen was a little tentative. She wasn’t planning on icing out Jackie forever, and if she knew Jackie had thought about what she’d done Gen would welcome her back with open arms (and legs).
“Well she’s currently at the mall with Melissa, I’m assuming Melissa is telling her to get over herself and be a better lesbian. And girlfriend.” Shauna shrugged, sitting back in Gen’s desk chair.
“Okay, wait, why the hell are you here? In my bedroom?” Gen shuddered. It felt unnatural. Like inviting Dracula into your home.
“I wanted to talk to you.” Gen raised an eyebrow and Shauna acquiesced. “Okay, Mel wanted me to talk to you. I’m sort of a Jackie Taylor-whisperer, so maybe I can help with some communication issues you might be facing.”
“So I can ask you questions?” Shauna nodded. Gen probed a little more. “And you’ll answer one hundred percent honestly?” Shauna swallowed, then nodded again. She really wanted Melissa to get that lock for her door.
Gen sat back, thinking. “So why is Jackie so hung up on there being a boy one?”
Shauna sighed. “She had a hard time letting go of the whole ‘painfully straight’ thing. It’s easier for her brain if she can place this whole new dyke thing in a small hetero-like box. It’s not you, it’s her. She’ll get over it.”
“Why doesn’t she want to go on a solo date with me?” Gen sounded a little hurt, and Shauna felt for her.
“Again, it’s not you. She needs to socialize or she’ll die. So any chance for a party, underage drinking, the ability to exercise her rule over the social hierarchy, she takes. And she’ll be off to Rutgers soon, a small fish in a big pond, so she wants to wring every last drop out of the popularity towel.”
“What kind of date would she like? I feel bad about how much I pushed mini golf, it’s not really Jackie’s thing.” Gen sounded almost contrite.
“Jackie loves the idea of old school romantic things. Maybe a long walk on the boardwalk. A ride to the top of the ferris wheel. A bouquet of roses and a picnic in the park.” Shauna decided to answer a question Gen had not, and probably would not ask. “But here’s my advice with that: Hold her feet to the fire. Don’t be the one planning all the dates. Jackie would be happy with that, but it would also feed into her boy-girl delusion mindset with this. Insist that Jackie treat you like a princess too. It’ll never work otherwise.”
Gen nodded, and her eyes glistened. She couldn’t believe it. Was she actually grateful for Shauna’s advice? She fought the urge to look for flying pigs outside. She felt a little cool air below her, surely hell had frozen over. Gen decided to get over this stretch of emotional vulnerability with her adversary turned comrade by way of a little bit of psychological warfare.
“So what was the most desperate thing you’d ever done trying to win Jackie’s affection?” Shauna’s eyes narrowed and Gen smirked.
“I’m not answering that.” Shauna said carefully, trying to control the rage festering within her.
“I believe you said ‘one hundred percent honesty,’” Gen taunted and Shauna sighed.
“Fine, but that’s the last question.” Shauna rubbed the bridge of her nose as she recounted the memory with her eyes closed. She didn’t want to look Gen in the eyes for this one. “For Halloween in eighth grade, we went to a party and Jackie wanted to win the costume contest. So we did a couples costume.” Gen began to snicker and Shauna pushed through the torture and humiliation she was feeling. “But she didn’t want something romantic, she was afraid of how that might look.”
“Ironic,” Gen muttered and Shauna nodded once in agreement.
“So she was Beverly from It,” Shauna said with a deep breath, bracing for impact. “ And I…was Pennywise.”
Gen burst out laughing and Shauna grit her teeth to try and keep herself from hitting her best friend’s girlfriend. “Please tell me there are pictures.”
“Yes, and you’ll never see them.” Shauna said with a sneer.
“Oh, I can blackmail Mel into showing me those, don’t worry.” Gen winked at Shauna and Shauna stood up and stormed out. She had done everything she could but she had her limits, and Gen lived at the very edge of them.
Melissa sometimes silently complained about the amount of time she spent following Shauna around in the various bookstores in the greater Wiskayok area. She loved Shauna, loved spending time with her, but god, it bored the fuck out of Melissa to spend so much time tucked away between the shelves of longwinded classics she tuned out in high school and non-fiction slogs about crimes of the early 20th century.
After spending an hour alone in the Gap with Jackie, however, Melissa would kiss the ground of Borders bookstore just to be saved from the torture of clothes shopping.
Jackie was perusing the women’s section with such single-minded focus while Melissa swore every shelf was the same selection as the one before it. She was beginning to lose her sanity, sure that somehow she had slipped through the cracks of her reality and had ended up in an alternate universe, one where everyone dressed like Jackie and they would walk out the doors directly onto the grounds of a country club. She’d meet people named Muffy and Prescott, where everyone knew how to play polo and squash.
Melissa could never play polo. She was too afraid of the horses.
“Do you think Gen would like this?” Jackie’s voice snapped Melissa back to real life, and Melissa turned to see Jackie holding up a near-identical shirt to the one Melissa had seen Jackie wear a dozen and one times, a striped short sleeve baby blue polo. Melissa couldn’t form any thought other than a silent prayer to be released from her current torture, so she just wordlessly shrugged.
“You were supposed to be here to help.” Jackie grumbled, draping the shirt over her arm where she had a stack of clothes already piled. Melissa was considering taking one of the clothes hangers and snapping the cold plastic in two, using each half to plunge into her eyeballs, Oedipus Rex style. Minus the mom fucking.
Melissa wasn’t sure what was more fucked up, that she remembered enough of the play that Shauna helped her study to mentally reference it to herself, or that Melissa found the mom fucking play one of the more interesting and enjoyable high school reads.
“Jackie, you were supposed to be coming up with a good idea for how to make it up to Gen, and all you’ve done is play ‘Honey I’ve Shrunk My Wardrobe’ for Gen,” Melissa snapped back, and Jackie looked taken aback. Melissa bites.
No wonder Shauna liked her.
Jackie sighed. “I don’t know what else to do. I’ve tried nothing and I’m all out of ideas!” Jackie flung her arms upwards, forgetting about the pile of clothing she was holding. They littered the floor as they landed, with one or two pieces falling on top of Melissa.
“You want a hint Jackie? Try thinking about the very basis of this argument in the first place.” Melissa’s point was slightly less salient when she was speaking from under a floral dress cloaked over her head. But it did make Jackie ponder for a moment, before animatedly collecting the clothes.
“We need to check out right now,” Jackie said, grabbing Melissa by the wrist and leading her to the register. “We have one more stop to make.”
Once the cashier handed Jackie her very long receipt, the duo sprinted to the other side of the mall. As they got closer, the distinct smell of rubber, leather, and nylon crept up on them. For Jackie, it was a necessary evil, a scent that both nauseated her and signified one of her great ambitions.
For Melissa, it was her favorite scent in the world.
Modell’s was the same as always: bright fluorescent lights, a wall of jerseys for every sports team in a 100 mile radius (Jackie had to pull Melissa away from staring at the John Franco jersey), every matter of sports equipment as far as the eye could see. Melissa had to stay on track, help Jackie, help Jackie, help Jackie…
A baseball flew through the air and Melissa was off like a Golden Retriever.
“MELISSA! GET BACK HERE!” Jackie shouted as she sprinted after Melissa, eventually tackling her to the ground as the ball hit the ground and bounced away, never to be seen again.
“Aw! I was gonna catch it,” Melissa said wistfully as Jackie looked down at her. She noticed quickly that their bodies were kind of…close.
“Do not tell Shauna about this,” Jackie said, and Melissa nodded. She may be dumb, but she wasn’t stupid.
“I don’t have a death wish, don’t worry.” Jackie stood up and offered her hand to Melissa, who took the help and stood up. As they looked around, they noticed Melissa’s chase had led them directly to where they wanted to be: the golf section.
“So, what should we get for mini golf?” Jackie asked, and Melissa shrugged.
“I dunno, I usually take the stuff they have at the place,” Melissa glanced around. “Like a normal person.”
“I’m trying to do something nice here, and I came up with this idea all by myself!” Jackie said as she yanked Melissa in by the collar of her shirt. Melissa began laughing nervously as Jackie hissed, “so help me.”
Jackie released Melissa and Melissa straightened out her shirt. “Well, I guess you could get her a putter, some balls, gloves…they make practice mats, I think.” Melissa began wandering around, looking at the golf paraphernalia.
Jackie had picked out two matching pink and purple putters (Melissa rolled her eyes until she saw an electric blue one, which she made a mental note to bring up to Shauna around Melissa’s birthday), some nice, child-sized gloves, and was looking at the putting mats and trainers when she heard a noise. Melissa turned at the same time, and they creeped around the edge of the aisle until they saw the source.
Jeff and Randy were looking at sets of clubs, with Jeff trying out a few irons. At one point, he took a few practice swings. Randy shook his head.
“You’re holding it wrong,” Randy said, watching Jeff swing. “Your form is off.”
“Yeah, okay,” Jeff rolled his eyes. “Didn’t realize I was in the presence of Jack Nicklaus.”
“My dad loves golfing, I know what I’m talking about.” Randy took a step towards Jeff. “Your shoulders and hips are off.”
Randy wrapped his arms around Jeff’s, his front flush up against Jeff’s back. The only thing between them was a couple of layers of denim and cotton. Jeff looked stunned, too stunned to do anything. Melissa and Jackie just exchanged a look of bewilderment.
“What the hell are you doing, man?” Jeff finally forced out, his tone somewhere between confused and annoyed. Weirdly, he still hadn’t moved.
“You gotta hold your arms like this, keep your shoulders equal with your hips and feet,” Randy said, as he began to move Jeff’s arms back. “Then you pull back, and follow through.” They completed the swing, and Randy’s arms stayed around Jeff as he whistled. “That went a good 200 feet at least.”
Jeff’s eyes widened and his eyebrows shot up. “Please tell me that’s a tube of golf balls in your pocket.”
Randy turned and looked at Jeff, befuddled. “Uh, no?” They both realized what was happening and shot off each other. Jeff dropped the clubs and stormed out of the store, Randy trailing not too closely behind.
Jackie turned to Melissa. “You know more than I do…that was like, really gay, right?”
Melissa began to snicker. “If I said what I wanted to about that, it would probably technically qualify as hate speech.”
The pair grabbed their bounty of golfing supplies and made their way to the register. As Jackie checked out, Melissa grabbed a few things she had been meaning to pick up: a bucket of new baseballs, a new soccer ball, some cones, and the John Franco jersey.
They got to Jackie’s car, and as Jackie started the engine, Melissa turned to her. “Can we make one more stop, for me?” Melissa gave the instructions on how to get to Home Depot.
Melissa and Jackie headed over to Gen’s house on a mission. They had stopped first to pick up Shauna, who was grumbling in the back as she sat amongst bags of sporting equipment and clothing.
“Can’t believe I have to go over there a second time today.” Shauna glared out the window. Melissa turned back to her with a sly grin.
“I promise I’ll make it up to you later,” Melissa said with a wink, and Shauna’s scowl began turning into a ravenous smile. Jackie made exaggerated gagging noises.
“No implications of sex while I’m driving, please!” Jackie said a little too loud and a little too high-pitched. Shauna rolled her eyes.
“You walked in on us about to have sex before,” Melissa said with a healthy dose of side-eye. “You saw Shauna naked.”
“Nothing I haven’t seen before,” Jackie said with a smirk, and Shauna stared daggers at her as Melissa sighed.
“Please don’t start talking about how you fucked my girlfriend again,” Melissa said with a groan. “Besides, you also saw me in my underwear.”
Jackie turned, cheeks slightly pink, but she pushed through to make fun of Melissa. It was quickly becoming one of her favorite hobbies. “You know, I meant to ask you. Are the boxers covered in hearts just for Shauna, or is that an all-the-time fashion disaster?”
Melissa scoffed. “Hey!” She started to defend herself but was cut off by Shauna’s giggling in the back seat.
“You’re lucky you didn’t see her in the ‘Catch of the Day’ pair with the fish on them,” Shauna snickered. “Or the glow in the dark police dog ones.”
“I can’t help what comes in the variety pack!” Melissa was becoming defensive.
“You went to four different stores looking for the glow in the dark ones.” Shauna and Jackie were both laughing heartily as Melissa turned red. Suddenly they were at Gen’s house, much to Melissa’s delight. Jackie cut the engine.
“Alright, that's enough discussion about my underwear,” Melissa said, grabbing the bags at her feet. She smirked slightly, deciding to cause some chaos of her own. She turned back to Shauna. “Jackie pinned me to the floor in Modell’s.”
Melissa hopped out of the car as Shauna began to shake with rage. Jackie yelped, grabbing her bags out of the bag and sprinting to Gen’s front door, Shauna stalking up behind her. Melissa grabbed Shauna’s hand to hold her in place while Jackie knocked on the door.
The door cracked open, then swung the rest of the way. “Jack–” Gen started but was almost immediately cut off by an overeager Jackie.
“Gen, I need to apologize,” Jackie began, somehow not coming across as rehearsed despite her practicing with Melissa on the car ride back from the mall. “It was incredibly stupid for me to say you were the boy one. Obviously you’re not the boy one.” Jackie pointed back to Melissa and Shauna. “They’re the boy ones.”
“Hey!” Melissa whined at the same time Shauna scolded, “wrong lesson to take from this!”
“Of course I should’ve wanted to go on a date with just you. I want to spend every second with you. You’re my favorite person.” Jackie looked almost desperate. “Do you forgive me?”
“Of course I do.” Gen said, taking Jackie’s hand. “And I need to ask for your forgiveness. I should’ve asked what you wanted to do, instead of insisting on the same date as always or something you don’t have any interest in. We should plan these things together, and do something for each of us.”
“You don’t need to apologize, anything I do with you is time well spent,” Jackie said as Shauna and Melissa looked on sweetly. Like proud parents of two stupid baby gays. Forget the fact that they were only together a couple months longer than their counterparts.
Jackie dropped the bag from the Gap in front of Gen. “I got you…too much clothing today to try and apologize. But more importantly,” Jackie paused as she got down on one knee.
Shauna looked at Melissa with shock. “If you took Jackie ring shopping today I will draw and quarter you.” Melissa didn’t want to think about how that thought kind of turned her on. She just shook her head and nodded for Shauna to keep watching.
Gen looked horrified, but Jackie zagged where Gen was expecting a zig, pulling a golf ball out of her pocket. “Will you go mini golfing with me?”
Gen nodded frantically before grabbing Jackie by the collar and yanking her in for a deep, wet, sloppy kiss. Melissa and Shauna watched on with disgust for a moment before turning away.
Melissa reached into her own bag. “I got you something too. Two somethings, actually.” First, she pulled out the John Franco jersey and handed it to Shauna. “I know he’s your favorite.”
Shauna smiled wide at the present. “I like how he’s connected to the mob,” Shauna said warmly.
Melissa then produced a padlock set. “For my bedroom door. Figured you could help me install it tonight and give it’s maiden trial?”
Shauna nodded enthusiastically before glancing back at Gen and Jackie, who were now horizontal on Gen’s porch. “How the hell are we getting back, though? Our ride is about two minutes away from a public indecency citation.”
Melissa took a quick peek before turning back, greener than split pea soup. “Hoof it?”