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birds of a feather — billie eilish
October 15, 2008
The boy is sitting in a small window frame on one of the lower school floors, reading something. His thoughts occasionally get muddled when something unexpected flashes through his mind. For example, the fact that in exactly two months, he will turn ten.
Why did he think about that right now?
The boy adjusts his glasses, which are too big for his small face, and turns the page of his book. The lunch break is only half an hour, but that’s enough time for him to continue reading the story he’s grown fond of.
It’s not that he doesn’t have friends.
He does.
For example, there’s that gloomy but very kind boy named Yoongi. They both attend the chess club, live on neighboring streets, and sometimes play something on the playground. There’s also Namjoon. He’s half a year older than Yoongi but goes to a parallel class. They met because his family moved into Seokjin’s house at the beginning of the year. There’s also Hoseok, but he’s very loud and bright. He mostly hangs out with Namjoon’s classmates, but sometimes joins them to kick a ball around or play something.
He has friends, it’s just that he doesn’t always like spending time in a noisy company, preferring solitude and peace.
Seokjin gets so absorbed in his reading that he doesn’t notice someone stopping by his side. He jumps, almost falling out of the window frame, when someone’s little hand unexpectedly touches his knee.
— What are you reading? — He looks up and sees a skinny boy with wheat-colored hair, dressed in a school uniform, who’s curiously looking at the book in his hands.
— Um, — Seokjin blinks, confused, and adjusts his glasses again, turning the book cover-up. — Norwegian Wood.
— Is it like some kind of fairy tale? — The boy frowns slightly but still doesn’t hide the curious spark in his eyes.
— No, — Jin shakes his head and exhales weakly. Apparently, the boy is a bit younger than him because he notices the number "1" on his badge next to his name. — It’s a story about a young man who falls in love with a girl and tells their story, along with the struggles of youth and life in general.
— Sounds too sad, — the blonde boy shakes his head and pouts a bit, making Kim smile faintly in amusement.
— But it’s interesting, — Seokjin closes the book, leaving a bookmark on the page, and tilts his head. — Are you in first grade?
— Yeah, — the boy nods confidently and smiles, showing his white teeth, with gaps in the upper and lower rows. — I’m seven. My name is Taehyung.
— I’m Seokjin, — the brunette nods and smiles softly at the boy’s openness. — I’m in fourth grade, and I’ll be ten soon.
— Oh, so you’re older, hyung! — Taehyung says louder than before. — Cool!
Kim raises an eyebrow in surprise and smirks slightly. — Yeah. — He adjusts his glasses again. — Uh... why did you come over? — He hastily corrects himself when he sees an unreadable expression on Taehyung’s face. — I don’t want to offend you, it’s just that we don’t know each other, and I don’t really understand why you...
— You’re just sitting alone, and I thought maybe you don’t have any friends, — the younger boy shrugs easily, not looking offended at all.
— I have friends, — Seokjin mutters, somewhat hurt, — I just wanted to read peacefully and be alone.
— It’s okay if you don’t have friends, — Taehyung says as if he didn’t hear him, continuing, — Jimin didn’t have friends either until we started talking. — He smiles again. — We can start talking, too.
Jin finds Taehyung too blunt and strange. The boy seems ordinary, smiles a lot, and appears friendly, but for some reason, he raises a lot of doubts in Seokjin.
— I’m fine, Taehyung, thanks, — Kim jumps down from the window sill, making the boy step aside, and picks up his backpack from the floor to put the book inside.
— You don’t want to be friends with me? — His voice suddenly sounds less confident than before, forcing Kim to pay attention.
— I... — Seokjin’s speech is interrupted by the loud bell in the hallway, signaling that the lesson will start in a couple of minutes, and he hastily closes his backpack, rushing to get to class, almost forgetting about the blonde-haired boy who’s left standing in the corridor, watching him leave.
— You’re weird, Seokjin-hyung.
***
birds of a feather — billie eilish
February 7, 2010
Seokjin adjusts his grown-out bangs, which constantly fall over his face, and shakes off the snowflakes that have settled on them.
He stands under the canopy at the entrance of the school, waiting for his friends to finish their extra classes.
Students pass by, those who are already done, happily chatting with each other or simply enjoying the end of the school day and the winter snow.
The brunette sighs heavily and takes off his same old heavy glasses from his nose, trying to wipe the foggy lenses. He hates winter just because of this. The annoying accessory serves no purpose. Just trouble.
He sighs again and flinches when someone lightly touches his shoulder. He blinks a few times but sees only a blurry image up close, as he’s taken off his glasses, not understanding who could be standing in front of him.
Strange hands gently take his glasses and do something with them, and a few seconds later, carefully place them back on his nose. He can now clearly see the familiar face in front of him, but he can’t remember their name.
The fair-haired boy smiles easily at him, and Kim recognizes that smile.
— Hey, Seokjin-hyung, — a little puff of air escapes from his mouth due to the frosty air. — How’s it going?
— Hey, — Jin studies the boy’s features. — It’s… okay. How about you?
— You don’t remember me, do you? — To Seokjin’s surprise, the boy’s voice carries a mix of emotions, but he clearly picks up on the mockery and surprise.
— I remember, — Kim frowns slightly, opening his lips. — You are...
— Taehyung! — A high-pitched voice calls out from behind the boy, and a few seconds later, a small palm lands on the blonde’s shoulder. — Come on, we’re going to miss the bus.
— Okay, — the blonde boy nods and turns back to Seokjin to say goodbye. — See you, hyung.
— Bye, — Kim quietly exhales, watching the figures of the arguing boys disappear into the distance.
You are weird, Taehyung.
***
birds of a feather — billie eilish
September 3, 2011
— Can you get the ball, hyung? — Hoseok asks Kim after the aforementioned item flies past him.
Seokjin calmly nods and leaves the sports field, heading in the direction where the ball went.
It’s always like this.
The younger ones don’t judge the strength, and in the end, he has to fix their mistakes.
Seokjin turns the corner of the school building and notices the blonde-haired boy holding the ball he needs.
He notices Kim standing still and waves at him with his free hand, smiling brightly.
— Hey, hyung!
— Hey, — Seokjin replies, for some reason sounding uncertain.
— Is that your ball? — Seokjin lifts his hand, emphasizing the ball Kim needs, and the brunette nods in agreement.
Taehyung calmly approaches him and hands over the ball, still smiling brightly. Kim feels like that smile is glued to his face.
— Thanks, — Seokjin carefully takes the ball from the other boy’s hands, holding it close.
— What are you playing? — The blonde boy slightly tilts his head in curiosity.
— Football, — Kim replies a little uncertainly, shrugging, and reaches up to adjust his glasses, but the younger one beats him to it, stepping closer and adjusting the accessory on his face.
— Can I join? — The blonde gets so close that Kim can see the small constellation of freckles on his nose, just a few on his cheeks as well. — I’m waiting for my friend, but I think he’ll be a while.
For some reason, Seokjin keeps staring at his clean, childlike face for a while and nods slowly after a moment. — Sure.
He waits for Taehyung to go back for his backpack, and then they both round the corner, heading towards the field. His friends are a little surprised but greet the new player, and in about fifteen minutes, they treat him like one of their own.
And yet, Taehyung is very weird.
***
birds of a feather — billie eilish
November 25, 2012
Seokjin sits in the school library, doing his homework to the sound of Yoongi’s occasional grumbling and Namjoon’s muttering. He throws a mocking glance at his friends once again and goes back to solving a task problem in his notebook.
Math calms him down.
Precise numbers and accurate calculations that always lead to the right answer help him relax and feel comfortable. Because he doesn't have to be responsible for the result — things simply work out if you follow the system.
He’s so absorbed in his work that he doesn’t even notice someone sitting next to him. He only flinches when a hand touches his shoulder.
— Hey, hyung. — A voice says right near his ear. Quiet enough not to disturb others in the library, but loud enough to startle the brunette.
He turns his head questioningly and meets the dark, gleaming eyes of the blonde-haired boy. Seokjin gives him a small nod and raises his eyebrows in silent inquiry.
— Um, — Taehyung unexpectedly hesitates, which only surprises Kim more, — are you very busy?
Seokjin frowns slightly, glances briefly at his notebook, then looks back at the younger boy’s face. — Well... — He adjusts his ever-slipping glasses and answers calmly. — I’m doing my homework?
— Could you help me? — For the first time, Seokjin hears a pleading note in Taehyung’s voice. — It’s just... — Taehyung hesitates again and grips the straps of his backpack. — I saw you’re doing math, and I... — He bites his lower lip slightly. — I’m not very good at this part.
For some reason, Seokjin doesn’t want to tell him no.
The younger one looks so helpless and trusting that he just nods and moves his notebook aside to make space for the boy’s things.
Taehyung gives him his signature boxy smile and quietly pulls out his textbook and notebook, laying them out on the table.
— Show me what you’ve got, — the brunette pulls the materials closer and examines the task. — Find the angle, convert it to a fraction, and write the answer as a decimal. — He nods to himself, understanding the problem, and picks up his pen to sketch the figure with labels in the notebook. — Alright, look here...
Turns out Taehyung is someone who listens very carefully and catches on incredibly fast.
***
ordinary — alex warren
March 17, 2014
Seokjin looks at his reflection in the mirror with regret.
Hideous.
His teenage years are in full bloom, gifting him daily bouquets of breakouts, a constantly swollen face, and generally awkward features.
He shifts his gaze to his body.
Skinny like a twig. A breeze would blow him away.
The brunette sighs deeply and barely holds back tears. Giant glasses covering half of his face, a trail of tiny pimples, ridiculously plump lips, and a strange nose.
A stupid haircut, frail body, disproportionately tall height, awkward shoulders, and crooked fingers.
A caricaturist’s dream came to life.
He’s just about to cry when someone gently knocks on the door, followed by his mom’s voice. — Sweetie, Taehyung is here to study with you.
Damn it.
Seokjin groans mentally and wipes away the damp streaks that managed to escape down his face.
— I’m changing. Ask him to come upstairs, please. — He quickly responds to his mom, hears her agree, and does his best to compose himself so the younger one doesn’t suspect anything.
He still doesn’t really understand how he and Taehyung started hanging out. Maybe even… became friends.
At some point, the younger boy started finding him around the school more often, asking for help with homework more frequently, joining him and his friends to play more regularly.
He just became part of Seokjin’s life.
Slipped into his routine smoothly and even met his parents, instantly winning over his mom, who started inviting him to visit more often.
The door suddenly opens, and the figure of the blonde-haired boy appears in the doorway.
He smiles gently at Seokjin and walks in, closing the door behind him as he steps into the room. — What’s up, hyung?
— It’s fine, Tae, — his voice trembles slightly in the middle, but he tries to force a somewhat natural smile so the younger one doesn’t worry. — Take a seat. — He nods toward his desk. — What are we working on today?
— Hyung, — the younger’s voice turns a bit concerned as he scans the brunette’s face, — were you crying?
— No, Tae, don’t be silly, — he tries to chuckle, but it comes out sounding pitiful.
— I may be three years younger than you, but I’m not stupid, — the blonde frowns and steps closer. — What happened?
— It’s nothing, Tae, really, — the smile he offers is once again crumpled, and his fingers tighten around the bedspread.
The younger boy crouches in front of him and wraps his still-slightly-childish but already refined fingers around Seokjin’s. — What’s wrong, hyung?
Seokjin doesn’t look at him for a while, trying to calm himself down, but eventually decides to speak, catching a glimpse of genuine concern in the boy’s eyes and the openness on his face. — I... — he swallows weakly and exhales, voice quieter now. — I’m ugly.
The blonde raises his eyebrows in surprise and scans him with a confused look. — What?
— I’m ugly, — Kim repeats, louder this time, the bitterness of the words is coating his tongue.
— Hyung, — the younger straightens up slightly, resting his hands on Seokjin’s knees, trying to bring their faces closer so he can meet the eyes hidden behind the fringe. — Who told you that?
Seokjin still tries to hide his face, but the younger one persists, getting so close there’s nowhere left to retreat. So he gives in and meets the younger’s eyes. — The mirror did.
— That’s dumb, — Taehyung replies quietly, frowning slightly as he looks into the older boy’s eyes. — You’re beautiful.
Seokjin lets out a bitter snort and shakes his head. — No. — He keeps his eyes locked with those warm brown ones. — I’m awkward, skinny, and ugly.
Taehyung suddenly leans in closer, inspecting his face intensely and throwing Seokjin off completely, making him blink in confusion and hear his heart beat faster. The younger places his hands on Seokjin’s cheeks. — I don’t know... — he says softly, with a hint of caution in his tone like he’s unsure whether he should say what he’s thinking. — No holes that weren’t already there. — Seokjin raises a brow. — Maybe it’s a problem on the inside? — He says it like he’s genuinely analyzing the issue. — Because I don’t see anything you just described.
— Are you stupid? — Seokjin snorts quietly, surprising even himself, as a small smile appears right in front of his face.
— Are you, hyung? — The blonde tilts his head slightly, the corners of his lips rising further. — I see a wonderful Seokjin-hyung who just keeps getting better every year. — He gently bumps their foreheads together, then pulls away. — Stop filling your head with nonsense, hyung. Help me with my essay instead.
He moves away from the bed and heads toward the desk, pulling his notebooks out of his backpack.
Turns out Taehyung is wonderful.
Why didn’t he become friends with him sooner?
***
ordinary — alex warren
April 9, 2016
— Hyo-o-oong, — the younger whines miserably right into his ear as they sit in the cafeteria during lunch.
Yoongi and Namjoon are deep in discussion, hunched over a phone. Jungkook — Hoseok’s little brother and the youngest among them, who just started middle school this year at thirteen — is quietly eating, while also half-listening to Jimin and Hoseok bicker beside him.
Seokjin just shakes his head and turns the page of his book, as another familiar sigh puffs beside his ear. — What now?
— Let’s hang out after school, — the younger says, nudging closer against his shoulder. — I found this really cool bookstore. You’d love it.
— I can’t, Tae, — he answers calmly, eyes still on the page.
— Why not? — Taehyung leans his head onto Seokjin’s shoulder, clearly fishing for attention.
— I’ve got things to do, — the older one replies just as quietly, gently patting the top of his head.
— You always have things to do, — the boy mumbles with a little frown. — We haven’t gone anywhere in like forever. You’re always busy.
— That, Taehyung-ie, is what we call first love, — Hoseok chimes in suddenly, shooting a teasing look at Seokjin, who frowns in return. — And her name is… — He doesn’t get to finish, because Seokjin throws a small pack of cookies straight at his face. — Ow! What was that for, hyung?!
Seokjin presses his lips together, annoyed, and shuts the book with a soft thud. He shrugs the russet head off his shoulder and starts gathering his things. — No, I just have things to do, — he says, avoiding the younger’s gaze, which has turned overly observant and just slightly offended.
— Fine, — Taehyung says, narrowing his eyes. — Then let’s go tomorrow. — Seokjin shakes his head. — Day after tomorrow? — Still no. — What the hell, hyung?!
— Language, Tae, — Seokjin exhales as he stands up. — Sorry it’s turning out like this. But we can go next week. — He smiles, gently, but the younger only stares back at him with narrowed brows and a nearly sulking expression. — I really do have things to take care of. — He reaches out, intending to ruffle Taehyung’s hair, but the boy pulls away, and it stings just slightly, but enough to feel it in his chest.
Seokjin offers one more quiet smile, nods toward the rest of the group, and leaves the cafeteria.
Taehyung watches his figure until it disappears behind the arch of the exit, not noticing how tightly he's gripping his chopsticks until the metal begins to bend.
Turns out, Kim Seokjin is really private.
And for the first time since their very first meeting he feels so far away.
***
ribs — lorde
December 15, 2016
Since the very beginning of the day, he has been showered with congratulations and well-wishes for his coming of age. Seokjin is smiling joyfully and having a great time — first with his family, then with friends who greet him at school with cheers.
— Hyung! Hyung! Hyung! — The younger kids swarm around him from all sides, as if to smother him. — Happy birthday!
— Thank you, — he thinks his face might crack from smiling so much today.
They’re about to drag him off to hang out, skipping classes, when someone’s small, neatly manicured hand gently touches his elbow. Seokjin turns and looks into the eyes of a petite brunette who smiles at him softly, causing him to smile back — and prompting understanding grins on all his friends’ faces. Except one. — Nayeon…
— Hi, — she says, handing him a small box, which he accepts with a grateful nod. — Happy birthday, sweet tooth.
— Thanks, — the brunette can't help smiling wider. — My favorite?
— Of course, — she replies, her eyes laughing. — I’m going to start charging you for groceries soon.
— I’d gladly pay for such cookies, — Seokjin chides her, oblivious to the disapproving look coming from behind, and receives a light nudge to the shoulder.
— I made more than usual, — she glances back at the pile of boys behind him and chuckles softly. — Share them with your friends, otherwise they might burst from impatience.
He glances at them briefly, then gives a resigned shake of his head and turns back to her. — Sorry for them. — The brunette waves off his apology and then laughs quietly when he adds: — It’s just they’ve never been this close to a girl. They usually run away.
— Hey, hyung!
— Actually...
— What the hell, hyung!
— Hey, that’s not true!
The brunette’s still laughing. She steps closer and stands on her tiptoe to leave a quick kiss on his cheek, then steps back, smiling. — Happy birthday again. I wouldn’t wish you grow up too big, cause you’re already out of reach.
— Alright, — he gently touches her shoulder before she walks away. — Thanks again.
Seokjin watches her retreating figure and returns to his friends under their endless cheering.
— If you don’t stop—I’m not sharing these cookies, — he shoots them a teasing look. They respond by spreading out even more, as if to crowd him further. — Nayeon said I should share with you all, but you’re still way too annoying.
— Hyung, is it true that cookies made with the love of a beautiful girl taste better than ordinary ones? — Hoseok teases him, and the younger boys erupt in laughter, prompting Seokjin to roll his eyes.
— You’ll see when you get one, — he replies calmly and pokes him gently in the ribs.
They all laugh and joke on their way out of the school, and only much later does Seokjin notice that Taehyung isn’t joining in the conversation and seeming lost in thought, as if he doesn’t even notice he’s not alone.
Seokjin slows his pace slightly to walk alongside him, and for a while they go in silence, as though Taehyung hasn’t realized they’re together.
— Tae, why so gloomy? — the brunette asks, noticing the younger lift his head and meet his gaze, finally tearing eyes away from the floor.
He studies Seokjin’s face for a while, as if searching for answers. Seokjin watches how various emotions pass through his eyes, one after another.
Taehyung is getting older every year—which makes sense; Seokjin just doesn’t always think about it. His familiar features are becoming more defined. He’s almost fifteen, and already Seokjin can say he’s very handsome.
He smirks inwardly.
Much better-looking than he was at the same age.
A delicate nose, deep almond eyes, soft wheat-blond hair that falls on his face, straight brows, subtly defined cheekbones, neat, lightly full lips, and the familiar scatter of freckles—pale at this season—that make his youthful face all the more attractive.
He’s definitely going to break a lot of hearts.
— Who’s Nayeon? — a slightly husky, unusual voice pulls him from his thoughts.
Seokjin blinks a few times, trying to understand why the younger looks so upset, but answers calmly. — She’s a friend of mine.
— Why didn’t you tell me about her? — Taehyung narrows his eyes, waiting intently.
— I… — Seokjin suddenly feels awkward, as if being interrogated, and that everything depends on this answer. — I did say…
— Not to me, — the younger interrupts again, frowning. — You told about her not me.
— Tae… — Seokjin’s gaze flits between Taehyung’s eyes, trying to understand what’s wrong.
— Are you two dating? — The question comes out sharp, with unfamiliar tones. — That’s why you didn’t tell me?
— No, — the brunette shakes his head, unaware that they’ve fallen far behind their friends, who haven’t noticed the missing pair.
— So what is this with hiding her? — Taehyung bites his lower lip and sighs, disappointed. — Okay. — He nods as if drawing his own conclusion. — I understand. — The redhead lightly taps his shoulder and moves around him. — Come on, hyung. Let’s go celebrate your birthday.
Seokjin grabs his slender wrist to stop him, prompting the younger’s brows to rise in confusion. — Nayeon and I aren’t dating. — He shakes his head gently, catching the suspicious gaze. — We’re just friends. Good friends. — He smiles faintly, trying to convince him of the sincerity of his words, because he senses how important it is. — Last year she confided something personal in me, because I could understand her. — He still holds Taehyung’s wrist, absentmindedly stroking it with his thumb. — It’s… very personal and not mine to share, so I can’t tell you, but it brought us closer and we became good friends. — Seokjin’s lips curve more freely this time, feeling the younger relax a bit after his words. — The others didn’t know, either. They all thought there was something between us. I didn’t want to share something so personal like my friendship with her with anyone. — The entire conversation feels absurd and strangely comical, with no sensible reason, but Seokjin feels deep down that he had to explain everything to the slumped younger figure, who in that moment seemed like he could slip away, drifting too far.
They’re long past the age when Seokjin ran from the younger, avoided him, and feared letting him close. Now it’s important to preserve their friendship, even amid questions about Taehyung’s behavior.
Perhaps he’ll ask them another time.
Taehyung’s wrist slips from his fingers, making him momentarily think his words didn’t help. But the slender fingers weave between his, locking their hands together. A small smile forms on the pale face opposite, followed by a gentle nod. The younger says nothing and simply leads him toward their friends, who have stopped in the distance and are now waiting for the stragglers.
Seokjin feels a wave of relief, but still stares at the light head before him with a puzzled look.
After all these years, Taehyung still seems very strange to him.
***
maroon — taylor swift
May 29, 2017
The graduation ceremony and the entire day pass so quickly and feel so surreal, leaving behind a sense of emptiness and a vague unease.
Seokjin sits on the schoolyard where, surprisingly, he used to play football with his friends many years ago.
Today, he’s graduated.
He completed his studies, passed all his exams, and now waits for the results to submit his university applications.
The future never felt this close and frightening when he was eleven.
He pulls his legs close and fully climbs onto the bench. The streetlights cast a soft glow over the empty space. He’s already celebrated his graduation with his family receiving joyful smiles, wishes, and even sentimental tears, then had lunch at a small restaurant with friends, marking the beginning of a new chapter.
The brunette wraps himself tighter in his hoodie as someone quietly sits next to him on the wooden seat.
He doesn’t even turn his head, already knowing who is mimicking his posture.
— What are you thinking about, hyung? — the younger’s voice comes calmly.
— Oh, just… — Kim shrugs slightly, still gazing straight ahead. — About the future.
— You're leaving, — the familiar voice carries a hint of sadness and barely hidden pain, making him turn toward the younger.
— Yes, — he nods, trying to sound composed because it’s hard for him too. Though he hasn’t yet received his results or enrolled anywhere, he knows everything will go according to the plan he made a year ago. — All four of us are leaving. — He smiles slightly. — Only you remain. The trio of little rascals.
Taehyung snorts in response, prompting a more assured smile on Seokjin’s face. — Not funny, hyung.
— Agreed, — Kim reaches over to touch Taehyung’s hair, running his fingers through the soft strands. — It’s sad that Jiminie is left in charge, and neither you nor Jungkook listens to him.
— Hyung! — The younger shoots him an indignant look, resembling a displeased little chick, making Seokjin laugh softly. — Stop mocking. I mean it.
— I know, — he calms down a bit and tucks Taehyung's hair behind his ear, — I just don’t want you to be sad.
— I will still be sad, — Taehyung looks at him with a glint of longing in his dark eyes. — You won’t be here anymore. If I’m lucky, you might come back at least once every six months.
Seokjin presses his lips together and falls silent for a moment, unsure how to comfort the younger. Taehyung interlaces their fingers and gives a gentle squeeze, affirming his presence. That Seokjin is still here.
— I’m going to miss you a lot, you know? — Taehyung doesn’t look at him, fiddling with a loose wooden plank of the bench. His voice sounds hushed.
— I know, — Kim squeezes his fingers in response, sending warmth and understanding. — I’d miss such an awesome hyung too.
— You’re annoying, — the younger snorts quietly and looks up at him with a slight squint.
— I know, — Seokjin smiles warmly at him, though feeling no better himself he doesn’t want to make things more complicated. — I’ve worked on this skill for years.
— You should’ve worked on communication skills when you were ten instead, — the blonde suddenly says, causing Kim to freeze and look at him in disbelief.
No.
He didn’t dare.
He just…
The spark in Taehyung’s dark eyes tells him he heard correctly.
— You, kid… — Kim reaches to lightly bop him on the head, but the younger deftly avoids, their fingers still intertwined. Taehyung chuckles mischievously. — You were pretty weird back then.
They’ve talked about that period many times — when Seokjin kept avoiding the younger, even though there was no clear reason. It just ended up that way.
— At least I was able to remember someone’s name, — Taehyung quips, pulling away slightly now freed arm and grinning.
— You’re going to get it now, — Seokjin stands and starts to chase him. — Come here.
— If you can catch me without collapsing from your extremely old age, then I'll accept the punishment with dignity. — Taehyung pips away another half step, laughing loudly at the older’s exasperation.
— Run, — Seokjin takes a running start and chases after the laughing younger.
Perhaps the future doesn’t seem so terrifying when the present can be preserved as a good memory.
***
the prophecy — taylor swift
August 26, 2017
— Please, sweetheart, be careful, — his mother gently adjusts the hoodie on his shoulders once more. — Call me when you get home.
— Mom, — the brunette watches her with laughter in her eyes. — Everything will be fine. I’m not a child anymore and I’ll live in the very apartment you already bought for me. — He embraces her tightly, holding her slender form close. — And I won't be alone. Yoon‑gi and I will live there together, and Jun and Ho‑bi will live nearby. — He releases her and kisses her cheek. — We’ll all be okay together, because we’ll see each other often and look out for each other. — He smiles warmly. — Please don’t worry.
She nods, smiling back with equal warmth, kissing him once more before stepping back to let him say goodbye to his father and the others.
They already feel like family.
As Seokjin expected, everything went according to plan. He received excellent exam results, calmly submitted his university applications, and later got the acceptance letter with a scholarship.
His parents were proud and happy, even though they would have paid for any school he chose, congratulating him and helping him pack everything he needed before the trip.
His father also offered advice, hugging him tightly and giving a light pat on the back. Though he smiled, Seokjin could see him fighting emotion to keep his composure.
He’ll miss them too.
Then came farewells with his small guard of “little rascals,” as Seokjin jokingly called the younger boys—always met with indignant snorts and mock grumbles, followed quickly by cuddles.
Jungkook looks proud at first, but then lingers in embrace with Seokjin, softly laughing into his shoulder as the brunette soothes him with gentle back pats and a kiss to his head.
The kid is only fourteen. No one judges him.
He sniffs quietly into Seokjin’s shoulder and lets tears fall, as the older buries fingers in his hair and rocks him, promising to bring loads of cool video games as gifts.
Yoongi calmly pats the younger’s back when he starts to sniffle, and Namjoon unexpectedly bursts into tears in sync with him.
Such a tender soul.
Jimin begins to cry before anyone even reaches him. He sniffs everyone's clothes and hugs each of them several times, wishing them well, acting like a parent doling out a thousand pieces of advice in one go.
He adds his own wish too, bringing affectionate smiles all around.
Taehyung, surprisingly, is calm. He doesn't cry or cling pitifully, soaking anyone he hugs. He says goodbye calmly to Yoongi, even smiling at a joke. Then he comforts Namjoon, who is tearing up, hugging him. It feels like the roles should be reversed. He lets Hoseok give him a bear hug and laughs when the brunette starts tickling him, unable to hold back laughter.
It gets harder when it’s Seokjin’s turn.
Taehyung has grown a bit over the summer, no longer resting against Seokjin’s chin, but looking straight into his eyes. Soon he’ll be taller than Seokjin himself. Seokjin smiles gently, opening his arms for a goodbye hug. Taehyung hesitates. He looks Seokjin over. Face, shoulders, chest, legs. As if trying to imprint the image deep into his memory.
Seokjin watches him too, noticing the younger’s flinching like in a sudden gust of wind. His face pales, lips press tight, and waves of pain are reflected in his eyes.
Seokjin’s smile trembles, but he steps forward and pulls Taehyung into his arms. The younger’s face buries itself in Seokjin’s neck, trembling hands clinging to his back. Taehyung breathes in short sobs as if holding himself together and when Seokjin’s hand softly strokes his hair, a tear trails down, hidden by the hoodie’s collar.
Taehyung is crying.
For the first time Seokjin has ever seen.
He fights back his own lump in the throat, continuing to stroke the younger’s head gently. He holds him tighter. — Shhh, Tae... — he whispers as quietly as possible so others won't hear, but loud enough for Taehyung to feel it. — Everything’s going to be okay, little one. — He starts gently rocking him to soothe him. — You can always write or call, and I’ll try to come home over winter break. — He flinches when Taehyung’s teary nose brushes his neck. — Time will pass fast and you won’t even notice.
— Jinnie, it’s time, — Mom gently touches his shoulder, looking at Taehyung with sadness as the younger clings to Seokjin.
Seokjin nods and carefully pulls Taehyung away. The younger’s face is swollen and still wet. Seokjin offers a sad, gentle smile as he wipes away damp streaks. — You look a bit messy right now. — He gets a muffled sound back and smiles. — Please, don’t cry, Tae. — Taehyung looks up with his sad, tearful eyes. Tears returning, clenching Seokjin’s heart painfully. — It’ll be okay. — He smiles softly, pulling the younger close again and planting a soft kiss on his head. — I love you and I don’t want you to cry, okay?
Taehyung freezes, then nods almost imperceptibly. Seokjin brushes his shoulders one last soothing time and steps back, heading toward the train.
Taehyung suddenly grabs his wrist, and a smudged, damp kiss lands on his cheek. — I love you too. — Taehyung murmurs with a broken smile. — Take care, hyung.
The train to Seoul departs three minutes later.
Seokjin sits among friends already getting on with things, trying to distract himself. He looks out the window at the house, family, friends, and Taehyung fading behind him.
His heart tightens with anxiety as the view changes and a colorful landscape reflects in his eyes.
He doesn’t know why, but it feels like when he returns here next time, everything will be very different.
***
little freak — harry styles
October 13, 2017
The noise of the campus partially drowns out his thoughts, constantly pulling his attention away.
It’s already been a month and a half since classes started, and Kim never imagined things would turn out this way.
He really likes it here.
The professors are good, the classes are interesting, even if not all of them are directly related to his future career, they’re still useful and people are great.
He didn’t expect the analytics department to have so many different and fascinating people, many of whom he quickly became friends with.
He and the guys all got into the same university, just in different departments, which didn’t stop them from meeting up for lunch or hanging out between lectures.
Once, the brunette even spotted a smiling Nayeon in the hallway as his group left a lecture and was genuinely surprised, thinking she’d enrolled somewhere else. Since then, she sometimes joined them during lunch.
He met lots of people from his year and became close with nearly all of his classmates. He often talked to his family, sharing updates or just daily things, texted the younger boys who complained about school, and occasionally video-called Taehyung, who always looked rumpled, though he desperately tried to hide it.
The brunette missed him.
He knew he would, but didn’t expect it to be this much.
Seokjin sighs heavily and adjusts the large box in his arms as he weaves through busy students. Today is Namjoon’s birthday, and he ordered the astronomy kit the younger had been obsessing about for weeks.
He moves through hallway after hallway, heading to another building, and spots the familiar light hair of Yoongi, who’s sticking candles into a cake in Hoseok’s hands.
Kim approaches and gently sets the box down on a bench. — Joon isn’t done with class yet?
— He should be out any second, — Jeon gives him a silly party hat, motioning for him to wear it. — The younger ones wanted to join the surprise, so I’m about to video-call them.
Seokjin nods, already putting the hat on, and takes the cake just as the buzz of the nearby classroom grows louder. A moment later, the door opens and students pour out.
— Happy Birthday! — They manage to say it in unison with the younger boys on screen, who start squealing joyfully through the camera.
— Whoa, — Namjoon walks over, visibly touched, and Seokjin smiles internally at the sight of his eyes suspiciously shimmering. — Guys, thank you.
— Hyung, — a voice pipes up from the speaker as Namjoon blows out the candles and starts hugging everyone, — are you crying again?
— No, — he says, completely unconvincingly, making everyone smile.
Eventually, it all blends together — voices, laughter, plans for the celebration and the phone ends up in Jin’s hands. Only one familiar face is clearly visible on the screen, and it’s unusually quiet. Kim focuses his attention on it.
— How are you? — He grips the phone more securely and steps to the side for better connection.
— I’m okay, hyung, — a weak, unsure smile flickers across the younger’s face. — How are you?
— I’m good, — he smiles softly, peering into the familiar face. — We’re heading out to celebrate Jun‑i’s birthday today. And this weekend, I made plans with Gonu to see the new Avatar. I’ve also nearly finished my essay for that competition, so I’m hoping everything goes well. — He smiles again, but sees no reaction on the other side. — Oh, and Nayeon invited me to a new Italian place on Friday. She wants to introduce me to someone important to her, — he squints playfully. — So maybe I’ll have something fun to tell you next week.
— That’s cool, hyung, — the light-haired boy forces a smile. — I think you should go. — He shrugs, shifting the camera slightly. — Don’t keep the others waiting.
— Alright, — Seokjin nods. — It was nice seeing your silly face. — The brunette squints fondly. — Study hard. — He gets a barely-there nod before the call ends and something clenches strangely inside him.
Kim turns back to help his friends carry things toward the restaurant.
For some reason, despite texting and calling so often, Taehyung feels increasingly distant. Like every message, every video call, only pushes them further apart.
Suddenly, Taehyung feels strange to him again.
***
fine line — harry styles
January 3, 2018
Seokjin sits on the couch in his childhood home, watching the lights flicker on the decorated Christmas tree. He only returned a couple of days ago because he had to stay longer to finish his studies and submit the remaining projects.
He’s glad he at least made it in time for the family celebration.
Next to him sits the quiet younger, who came to dinner with his parents for a late New Year’s celebration.
Since his return, they have only been able to see each other today, and Kim feels that something has changed drastically.
Taehyung smiled at his family, calmly answered all their questions, and took part in various conversations, but with him, he behaved somewhat distantly. As if keeping a distance.
Seokjin shifts his gaze to the younger figure, who doesn’t react to anything. It hurts him that everything really has changed so much in the past four months.
— Tae, — he says softly, so as not to break the atmosphere or scare the younger with his voice, — what’s going on?
The blond-haired boy is silent, clutching the fabric of his sweatpants at his knees with thin fingers. He slowly lifts his head and meets the worried and slightly tired gaze of the brunette. Seokjin doesn’t rush him or push, but inside, everything is tense in anticipation of an explanation.
— You didn’t make it to my birthday, — comes the unfamiliar bitterness, unusually quiet. So much so that Seokjin feels like he heard a stranger’s voice rather than his younger’s.
— I know, Tae, — he tries to convey his regret in his voice, but it feels like little can help here. — I’m really sorry, but I couldn’t come earlier. — The brunette begins to reach out his hand toward the younger one, but he doesn’t mirror the gesture, continuing to close himself off even more. — Did you at least like the present?
The younger one snorts quietly, indistinctly, causing his shoulders to twitch a little, and meets a dark, caring gaze. — Yeah, thanks. — The corners of his lips twitch sadly. — Good gift.
— I tried to find something special for you, — the brunette again moves his hand slightly closer, carefully placing it near the other’s knees. — And when I saw this starry sky projector… I thought you’d like it. Very much your style. — He smiles faintly, trying to lighten the mood a bit.
The younger one is silent again.
The blond-haired boy seems so familiar and warm to him, like his old smile that never left his face since they first met, but despite sitting next to each other, Seokjin feels like he can’t reach him.
Seokjin sighs sadly and strokes the other’s knees lightly, rising from his seat. He can’t get the younger one to open up about what he’s hiding, can’t force him to speak, can’t make him open up. A stinging regret flashes through his thoughts — that every year, relationships with people only get more complicated.
Seokjin is almost at the stairs leading to the second floor when a quiet and somewhat uncertain voice reaches him.
— I think I like guys.
Seokjin freezes, not even reaching the stairs. He blinks a couple of times, then turns to the younger, trying to catch the broken gaze and the figure curled up on the couch in his living room.
The brunette calmly comes back, squatting down in front of the blond-haired boy and looking into his eyes, trying to show he’s ready to listen.
But Taehyung says nothing more.
He seems to contract even more. His hands grip the fabric of his pants so tightly that his knuckles turn white, and his whole figure radiates fatigue and uncertainty.
It hurts Seokjin to see him like that.
Seokjin covers the other’s hands with his own, gently stroking them, then lifts up and moves his hands to the younger’s thin shoulders, pulling him into a hug.
They sit like that for a while. Seokjin presses the boy to himself and strokes the light hair on his head until the figure relaxes in his arms, responding to the older’s familiar tenderness.
— You can tell me about anything that worries you, — the brunette quietly whispers into the soft hair. — It’s okay, Tae. — Seokjin places a gentle kiss on the younger’s hair, tightening his hold. — You’re still a wonderful person, and your choice doesn’t change that. — He feels the blond-haired boy twitch slightly in his arms. — The most important thing is just to love those who matter to you and meet a good person who will care for you. Who that person is doesn’t matter.
Taehyung shifts his head slightly, settling more comfortably on the other’s shoulder, then simply freezes. They sit like that until, after some time, the older realizes he’s fallen asleep. A soft smile touches his lips as he gently moves the younger’s body, laying him down on the couch and covering him with a blanket.
He quietly leaves, casting a warm glance at the blond-haired figure for the last time before heading upstairs to his room.
Things get more complicated as you start to grow up. Not because the world changes and you suddenly find yourself in another reality, leveling up in the game of life, but because your view of things around you changes. You begin to understand more than before, expanding the boundaries of your perspective.
Unfortunately, that’s exactly what makes everything more complicated.
Seokjin doesn’t want to admit that it hurts him that the younger is growing up. It makes him sad and less radiant, forcing him to touch the harsh edges of life.
For the first time, it seems to him that he wishes Taehyung would always stay as weird as he was in childhood.
***
entertainer — zayn
May 30, 2020
Time flies so fast that Seokjin can hardly blink.
In two and a half years, too much has happened for him to look back now and not understand how everything has passed so unnoticed.
The fourth year of studies will start this fall and will be his last. He is already doing an internship at a decent company and planning where he will go for his master’s degree.
Hoseok is already teaching dance at a major company and has managed to establish a good reputation among other professionals. Namjoon is constantly disappearing with Yoongi in the music studio, recording beats and samples to participate in a competitive contest for a job at a music label.
He shifts his gaze to the smiling juniors who are taking pictures with their parents, proudly holding their high school diplomas.
A shadow of a slightly sad smile touches his lips, making him recall how he saw each of them many years ago.
Jimin appears in his memories as a shy boy with light hair who, against the backdrop of mischievous Taehyung, was quieter and more rational. He was always kind and bore a bright smile with eyes like little slits on his childlike face. Now he has grown a little, still remaining shorter than the other two juniors, and his face has acquired gentle features, showing youthful beauty and lightness. Seokjin is very proud of him because the blond worked hard and diligently to get into the dance faculty where Hoseok already studies.
Jungkook, who turned out to be almost a prodigy, has grown so much over the past years that now he is even taller than Kim himself. He studied a lot and participated in various Olympiads and contests to finish school externally and graduate together with his friends. His talented works were enthusiastically accepted by the university, enrolling him without any additional questions or entrance exams. Kim is so happy for him and proud together with Hoseok that he even quietly shed a tear when he learned about his successes. However, he still sees only big frightened eyes and childish cheeks when he remembers how the younger joined their company, becoming part of their friendly family.
Taehyung shines his usual square smile, which has only become more beautiful over the years, making Kim’s heart squeeze a little and skip a beat. The blond has grown up and become even more handsome than in childhood. His youthful features became bright and distinct, acquiring a masculine shape. He has also reached Seokjin’s height, and his slender figure became stronger and more confident. Kim knows the younger was popular not only among classmates and parallel grades. The blond also aimed to enter the same place as his friends in the art faculty and has done very well in his preparatory work. Seokjin is glad to see him confident and proud that the younger was able to cope with everything that once worried him.
He smiles gently and shakes his head at Hoseok’s questioning look as he approaches after taking family photos with his brother.
— Time goes by so fast, — Kim says calmly, hands in the pockets of his dark pants.
— Yeah, — Jung nods in agreement and exhales lightly, — never thought everything parents say in childhood would turn out to be true.
— All kids think they know more than everyone else, so they ignore what seems silly or unnatural to them. — The brunette lightly puts an arm around his friend’s shoulder.
— Wow, hyung, you’re so smart, — the brown-haired one sounds slightly mocking and jokingly adds. — The wisdom of lived years weighs so heavily on you that you sound like an old mountain monk.
Seokjin lightly pats the guy on the shoulder, then jabs him with his free hand in the ribs, getting a yelp and a chuckle in response. — We’re the same age, dumb ass.
— You were born a year before me, so don’t put me in your category of ancestors. — Jung manages to wiggle out of the other's hands before getting a playful smack on the head. — Mina won’t forgive you if something happens to me, so behave, hyung.
— The very one who’s been running away for five months now whenever you appear in her sight? — Dark eyebrows raise mockingly. — I’m sure she’ll survive.
— You don’t understand anything, hyung, — snorts the brown-haired, — she’s just very shy.
— Better pay attention to Kyo, — the brunette shakes his head, smiling mysteriously at Jung’s questioning look, and says nothing more.
They stand for a while longer, watching the juniors interact with their friends and classmates, laughing happily. Then they answer the approaching parents’ questions, greet familiar teachers politely, asking about their affairs and telling about their own.
It’s already five in the evening when Kim pats the brown-haired on the shoulder and nods toward the car.
— It’s time for us to go, — he catches a knowing nod, — only three hours until the train.
They return to the metropolis, and it seems that everything should return to its place with the coming of autumn, when the juniors come to the capital and they will be one big company again. Like before. Together.
Seokjin doesn’t take into account that time really has passed too quickly and changed a lot.
Not just for him.
***
cardigan — taylor swift
November 7, 2020
— Sorry, hyung, — the recently dark-haired guy shakes his head negatively, — I can’t.
Seokjin only forces a weak smile and nods understandingly.
Two months have already passed since the beginning of the semester, and only recently he has started to realize that everything has truly changed.
The juniors successfully enrolled in their university and almost immediately immersed themselves in the charms of student life, slightly drifting apart from each other to start forming new acquaintances.
Seokjin didn’t feel any worry about this because he understood them, and overall, they often saw each other and communicated a lot, so nothing was wrong in their relationships. Of course, they all had grown and changed. Although, for the most part, the juniors’ behavior still reminded him of elementary school. But only when they were around the hyungs.
With their new acquaintances, they were different.
Seokjin realized this only when he himself witnessed something like that.
One day, he was simply walking down the fifth-floor hallway, freed from a lecture for having submitted all his assignments on time, when he noticed Taehyung chatting sweetly with some girl.
He slowed down a little and started watching with interest as the junior smiled at the brunette in an unusual way. Unusual because it wasn’t his kind and bright smile, not the lightly lifted corners of the lips, not the joyful square shape he had when he was happy, and not the shy little smile touching his lips when he was embarrassed.
It was a coquettish, flirtatious smile that made the girl’s eyes sparkle with interest and occasionally cover her mouth with her palm, muffling embarrassed giggles.
The brunette had never seen Taehyung like this.
The junior seemed to him someone unfamiliar and even strange because he behaved differently. Not as he remembered him. Not at all.
Seokjin silently turned around and walked in the opposite direction so he wouldn’t be noticed.
At that moment, he realized that Taehyung had changed, just like their relationship did.
He had ignored it, holding onto memories of many years of friendship and thinking about how the blond was before. However, the brunette began to notice more often that Taehyung no longer rested his head on his shoulder during lunch, didn’t flash a kind smile at the next joke, didn’t stick to him like gum, inviting him somewhere on weekends, didn’t flood him with messages or send silly videos to lift his mood, didn’t hug as often as before, and overall tried to spend less time near him or with him.
The realization was so sharp and painful that Kim locked himself in his room for the whole weekend and didn’t let even Yoongi, who tried to find out what had happened, in.
At twenty-one, Seokjin suddenly realized how much everything had changed.
He doesn’t remember exactly when everything went wrong because before that, it seemed to him that everything between him and the junior was fine.
Since that time at his place, when Taehyung opened up and shared something so personal, they actually grew closer and started communicating even more openly and calmly than before. They talked on the phone a lot, shared all sorts of nonsense and important things, the blond sometimes came to visit him on weekends, and they often went for walks and watched movies lying in the older one’s room, cuddling. Then they spent the summer holidays together, going on a trip to Jeju with the whole company, and for Taehyung’s birthday, they threw an “adult” party because Kim had made every effort to be home to celebrate the younger’s special day.
Everything was good and smooth until Seokjin started his first relationship.
The brunette didn’t tell anyone for a long time that he was dating a guy. Among his friends, only Nayeon knew, who warmly hugged him and smiled happily when he shared it with her during one of their home get-togethers at her place.
It wasn’t that he was ashamed of his relationship or the fact that his partner was a guy. Gonu was very kind, open, and generally a wonderful person. By the time they started dating, they had been friends for over a year and knew each other well enough. Kim just didn’t know how his friends would react because he had never shared his romantic preferences with them. His family knew and accepted him calmly as he was, so there were no problems there.
He told everyone after they had been dating for three months. At some point, he looked at Gonu and realized he wanted to introduce him to his close friends, so he invited them to a family restaurant near their home and introduced his boyfriend.
Saying they were very surprised is an understatement. They were silent for a while, processing the information, but then gradually started opening up and joining the conversation, eventually saying they wanted to meet more often now because Gonu turned out to be cool and, in general, “Why the hell did you hide him for so long, hyung?!”
It was harder to tell the juniors. He gathered his thoughts for a long time before making a group video call and slowly leading up to introducing his boyfriend.
The silence was long and deafening, but in the end, the situation was saved by Jimin, who began to eagerly interrogate Gonu about his interest in scientific films. After some time, Jungkook joined, having heard something about photography, enthusiastically telling about his own works, and finally stating that Gonu was very cool and it was awesome to have another adult hyung to discuss so many things with.
Only Taehyung was silent.
The blond seemed frozen on the screen, showing no signs of movement for a while. He just looked at Seokjin with an empty gaze, then forced a broken smile and awkwardly said goodbye.
Probably from that moment, everything started to go downhill.
Seokjin became busier with his internship, studies, meetings with friends, and his relationship, which was gaining momentum, still keeping in touch with the blond and showing initiative but not noticing how the younger gradually began to disappear.
The brunette immersed himself in his life, fully plunging into its flow, and missed that the blond stopped being a constant part of it.
They spent time together when Kim came home for holidays, but it was already different. He blamed it on his own tiredness, busyness, preparation, and the junior’s adolescent period, thinking that once he entered university and moved to Seoul, everything would be like before.
He was very wrong because now Taehyung once again refused his offer to go to the movies together on a Friday evening. Without even coming up with an excuse or explaining anything. He has just calmly got up from the table and disappeared in the flow of arriving students.
Taehyung was again very far from him, and he doesn’t know how to fix it.
***
fortnight — taylor swift & post malone
February 12, 2021
Cold snowflakes gently settle on his cheek, instantly melting and leaving a damp trace behind.
The brunette feels that besides the snow, another wet trace remains on his cheek.
— I’m sorry, — a familiar voice, which had sounded too close over the past year, suddenly breaks softly and painfully, leaving shards of broken ice inside him. — I’m afraid we really can’t go on anymore, and I don’t want to hurt you because I really do care about you so much.
Seokjin nods slowly, looking into the beloved eyes, where tears are also gathering. He feels very cold, even though the temperature isn’t beyond the usual winter chill he’s already grown used to. Gonu takes a cautious step toward him and leaves a light farewell kiss on the cold cheek, smiling bitterly and circling around him to leave the university grounds.
Familiar footsteps blend with the rush of strangers, accompanied by the voices of students freed from classes. The crowd passes him by, paying no attention to the boy who seems to be slowly falling apart while standing still.
The brunette doesn’t even try to stop the flow of tears, which don’t freeze, replacing one another.
He stands for a while longer until he feels his fingers begin to tingle from the cold, then turns and takes slow steps toward the main gates.
He walks steadily down the road, accidentally bumping into someone’s shoulder and automatically apologizing. Inside, it’s so empty and painful that little bothers him as he crosses the street and passes one of the cozy cafés glowing with bright lights.
He doesn’t know what he wants more right now — to laugh bitterly or to keep crying, when his gaze catches on the romantic decorations and pink lights that fill both the exterior and interior of the café, preparing people for the most romantic day of the year.
A fucking nasty irony and a sharp spit right in his soul.
He’s about to turn away and keep walking when his eyes accidentally catch a familiar profile sitting at one of the tables by the window. The brunette leans on the wooden surface, fingers clasped around a ceramic cup with some drink, while opposite him sits a cute guy who smiles softly.
Seokjin freezes, watching how the stranger says something and then lightly laughs, covering his face with his palm. Inside, something breaks again when Kim sees the brunette lean slightly across the table and brush lips against the other’s cheek, then return to his place.
The broken smile never touches his lips as he turns away and continues walking even more unfocused and unsteady than before. The snow crunches irritably underfoot, and cold flakes keep sprinkling his face, mixing once more with salty water.
He doesn’t remember the last time he talked to Taehyung. With each day, they drifted further and further apart, as if they had never known each other, just eating lunch together in a shared group or being in the same room when everyone gathered at someone’s house.
Kim can do nothing about it because he’s too tired. He can’t make Taehyung behave like before, can’t make him communicate or spend time together, can’t bring him back into his life.
Valentine’s Day turns out to be one of the worst days of the year for him because Seokjin realizes his heart has been broken by two beloved people at once.
***
back to friends — sombr
April 2, 2021
Seokjin takes off his glasses and rubs his tired eyes.
He’s been working on his thesis for so many days that everything seems to blur before his eyes.
The brunette cracks his neck, stretches his stiff limbs, and just then the top of a friend’s head appears in his room.
— Ho’s throwing a party, — Min fully appears in the doorway, looking at his phone. — Tonight at ten. Get ready.
— Look at what I’m doing, — the brunette snorts tiredly, settling back into his position.
— Messing the fuck around? — the blond raises an eyebrow mockingly.
— I’m writing my thesis, — Kim shakes his head and focuses back on the screen.
— I told you, — the guy shrugs casually, approaches his desk, saves the document, and closes the laptop with Kim’s irritated sigh. — You need a break. You’ve been at it for a week. Staring at the monitor like that won’t get you anywhere.
— I… — Seokjin wants to argue but knows his friend is right. Everything swims and blurs before his eyes. — Alright, — he nods, conceding under Min’s satisfied smile.
— Great, — the guy lightly touches his shoulder and heads for the door. — Be ready in half an hour.
The “party” turns out to be a bunch of familiar and unfamiliar people already having a blast when Seokjin and Yoongi enter Hobi’s apartment.
Kim dodges some guy who’s enthusiastically telling a story, wildly gesturing. The brunette barely squeezes through the crowd, spotting familiar heads.
— Hobi, — Kim frowns, loud music making it hard to hear, — didn’t you go a bit overboard?
— No, hyung, — the dark-haired guy shouts over the music, grinning. — We all need to relax properly.
The brunette just shakes his head and joins his slightly tipsy friends. He keeps glancing at Jungkook, who’s excitedly chatting with some people, and Jimin, making sure the younger one is okay and in control. He also briefly looks at Taehyung’s dark head but quickly turns away when he meets familiar eyes watching him too.
Whatever.
He won’t stress about Taehyung anymore, even if something still aches inside. He did all he could, and their nonchalance for almost four months isn’t his fault.
Kim pushes the thoughts away and focuses on having fun, grabbing a beer.
He enjoys the night, chatting, drinking a little, playing games, actually having fun — noting how gloomy the past months had been.
At some point, a circle forms for the usual “Truth or Dare” game. Seokjin suddenly realizes he’s tried very little compared to everyone else. He also learns some interesting things about his friends, smirking inside.
He has to drink a lot.
Around midnight, hunger hits him and he heads to the kitchen, leaving the crowd for a moment. Not surprisingly that even cold pizza tastes divine.
— Are you okay? — that damn voice sounds behind him as he finishes a slice and turns to check.
Kim focuses on the brunette leaning against the doorframe, looking at him intently.
— Yeah, — he nods calmly, finishing the slice and reaching for another.
— You shouldn’t drink so much, — the deep, manly voice says again. — You don’t handle alcohol well.
The brunette frowns, a sudden prick of irritation in his chest. — Since when do you talk to me? — he turns, throwing a sharp look at the other.
Taehyung says nothing, just watches him. Kim chuckles bitterly in his head. When he finishes the next slice, he notices the brunette stepping closer and gently touching his wrist. — Let’s go, — the deep voice whispers by his ear, sending shivers down his spine. — You need to lie down.
Seokjin wants to pull away but instead lets the younger lead him.
He hasn’t touched Taehyung in so long it feels like he’s forgotten what someone else’s warmth feels like — the warmth that was once so familiar.
They squeeze through the hallway, reach a free room in their friends’ apartment, and enter the dim space.
Taehyung carefully guides him inside, closes the door, sits him on the bed like a little child, then lets go and turns on a soft lamp, casting gentle light.
— So you can see a bit at least, — the brunette explains. — Lie down, hyung. — He approaches Kim, lightly touching his shoulders to help him lie down, but Kim suddenly catches his hands, not letting him push.
Taehyung looks at him questioningly while the older guy’s gaze painfully scans the younger’s face.
— Why, Tae? — Kim’s voice breaks, quiet and fragile, making Taehyung’s insides clench. — Why did it turn out like this?
— I… — the junior chokes slightly, frowning confused. — I don’t get what you mean, hyung.
— Why did you distance yourself from me? — Kim’s voice trembles, leaving shards behind. — Why did we stop being friends? — He barely controls his shaky, emotional voice. — Did I hurt you somehow, Tae? — He looks into those dark eyes flickering across his face, hiding feelings not his own. — What did I do wrong? — Tears gather inside, threatening to spill. — I tried, Tae. I have always cared so, so much about you… — A tear rolls down. — I tried to get closer, to take care… I tried to shut the distance, but you kept slipping away, not letting me touch you. — Another tear is gently wiped away by soft fingers stroking his cheek. — It hurts so much, Tae… — Seokjin almost chokes, feeling overwhelmed. — It hurts that you just left.
The brunette cups Seokjin’s face with both hands, wiping away the moisture flowing stronger now. Kim sees a familiar expression on the junior’s face for the first time in a long while.
Taehyung smiles bitterly, and Kim doesn’t want to see that smile. It only hurts more.
— You’re still so fucking beautiful, hyung, — comes the soft voice to his mind, just before he feels warm lips on his own.
Seokjin closes his eyes, focusing on the touch that, in this moment, glues together all the shattered pieces inside him.
The junior gently strokes his face with fingertips and slowly moves his lips, drawing Kim into a kiss.
Kim ignores his tears, weaving crooked fingers into the familiar soft hair, pulling the junior closer.
His slightly drunk mind tries not to think about what’s happening or who else is involved into this kiss. He lets his heart heal from the long separation.
He moves a little, letting the brunette climb on the bed and hover above him, not breaking the kiss. Kim doesn’t open his eyes, feeling so much in this kiss — the release of all the pain, the warmth spreading inside, healing old wounds.
Everything feels unreal, but at least now he can reach Taehyung and for the first time in a long while feel him so close.
***
savior — sombr
April 7, 2021
The brunette passes one corner after another, trying to walk faster because he’s a bit late. Damn work made him stuck for so long.
Yesterday he messaged the younger to arrange a meeting since they still hadn’t had a chance to talk since the party. He felt a slight sting waking up alone the next day, but decided not to rush and gave the brunette some time before discussing everything in person.
He sees the café sign he’s looking for and opens the door a few seconds later, stepping into the bright room.
The brunette’s gaze catches on a familiar dark head, and he weakly smiles, heading toward the right table.
— Hi, — he hangs his bag on the back of a chair and pulls it out to sit opposite the guy. — Sorry I’m late. I got held up at work.
— Hi, — the younger slightly pulls the corners of his lips into a kind of smile and nods understandingly. — It’s okay.
Seokjin is about to call the waiter to order when the waiter comes up to them himself, placing two cups on the table.
— Mint tea? — He raises his eyebrows in surprise, glancing at the younger’s calm face, who nods affirmatively.
— You don’t like coffee, — Taehyung shrugs lightly.
Seokjin nods gratefully and wraps his fingers around the cup to take a sip. He runs his fingers hesitantly along the rim of the ceramic as the calm voice of the brunette touches him.
— So, what did you want to talk about, hyung? — Taehyung’s voice is even, and Seokjin feels a little uneasy because he can’t read any emotions on the younger’s face.
— I… — he pauses briefly, gathering his thoughts and trying to find the right words. — I wanted to discuss that recent night with you. — He catches the barely trembling corners of the younger’s lips and the faint tension in his face. — And, in general, our relationship. I… — He’s cut off, stopped short by just a couple of words.
— Let’s just forget it, — Taehyung looks at him just as evenly, though something barely noticeable flickers in the depths of his eyes.
— Forget? — Seokjin frowns in confusion, watching the younger shrug.
— Yeah, — he nods firmly at the older’s words. — Let’s just get over it and keep being friends.
Seokjin’s lips twitch slightly, hesitating. — Friends… — he whispers quietly and incredulously.
— We had difficulties… communicating, — the brunette adds, tightening his fingers gripping the cup, — but I think we just need to try starting over. — He presses his lips into a straight line and forces out, — After all, we’ve both changed.
Seokjin doesn’t look at him, feeling something inside him crack with a dull sound.
Yes.
They have changed.
So much that now he doesn’t know the person sitting in front of him.
He doesn’t know this Taehyung because this is no longer his Taehyung. Not the one who came to him when he was sitting on the windowsill reading a book. Not the one who adjusted his glasses. Not the one he played soccer with. Not the one he helped with math. Not the one who comforted him when he doubted himself the most. Not the one who cried when he left for another city.
This is not the Taehyung he has loved for so long.
— You make it sound so easy. — He smiles bitterly and shakes his head, still not looking at the guy sitting opposite. — Friends first, then fucked, forgot about it, and just being friends again. — Inside, with every word, a new hole grows, stealing all the air with it. — So simple and without complications. — He smiles again, feeling the pain tightening around him stronger every second. — I envy your logic. — Seokjin sighs quietly but still shifts his broken gaze onto the brunette. — But that’s not for me. — He doesn’t even try to hide his brokenness. — Find someone else who shares your worldview. It obviously hasn’t been a problem for you during the past months. — He sounds tired and defeated, as if he’s finally given up, offering himself to the sword and accepting his fate. The brunette pushes his chair back and stands, grabbing his bag and fishing some money out of his pocket to toss the crumpled bills on the wooden table. — Or maybe shares your bed too. — He takes a step, not seeing the younger’s cheekbones sharply stand out on his pale face. — Good luck, Tae.
He leaves the café and feels tears running down his face along with a cold breeze.
The brunette doesn’t even try to wrap himself tighter or cover up when the sky’s water begins mixing with the salty one on his face.
He’s made so many mistakes throughout his life that he could have learned to draw at least some conclusions.
Heavy steps happen are almost automatic because the inner pain and emptiness cloud everything so much that Seokjin doesn’t even look where he’s going.
He has never thought one person could break his heart multiple times.
He was wrong.
Taehyung did it more than once.
He has never thought friendship could hurt so much because he always found comfort in close ones, like family.
He was wrong.
Taehyung proved that friendship can hurt so much it feels like the heart will stop.
He has never thought the uneasy feeling he got upon meeting the wheat-haired boy would mean anything.
He was wrong.
Taehyung turned out not to be weird. He turned out to be the person who became closer and dearer than anyone else and, in the end, pushed Seokjin so hard that he fell off a cliff.
***
eternity — alex warren
June 27, 2021
— God, sweetheart, at least smile! — The woman focuses the camera on him and hands it over to Hoseok. — It's your graduation day!
Seokjin can barely force anything resembling a smile. He’s so exhausted and so deeply drained that he has no energy left to flash a happy grin for a keepsake photo.
His parents surround him from both sides, hugging him and proudly holding the diploma folder, smiling as Jeon finishes the countdown.
Next come the friends, goofing around and laughing cheerfully, pulling a genuine, small smile from the brunette — a smile that also flies off into the family album as a memory. Together, they toss their graduation caps into the air, capturing the celebratory moment. They're already starting to drift away from the photo zone when Kim’s mom stops them.
— Wait! — She frowns slightly, looking through the photos. — You don’t have a single photo with Tae. — She lifts her head and starts looking around in search of the brunette, while a sticky nervousness spreads inside Seokjin, twisting his stomach. — Tae! — She spots the top of his dark head as he turns toward her in surprise, and she nods for him to come over. — Sweetheart, stand next to Jinnie, — she says warmly. — You two don’t have any pictures together.
The boy freezes for a few seconds, then slowly nods and walks over to Kim, standing beside him but keeping a distance to avoid making anyone uncomfortable.
— Are you two kidding me? — The woman frowns in confusion. — Can you stand any farther apart? — If it were possible, Seokjin probably would. — Just hug already! — She scolds them affectionately. — What’s with you two? I couldn’t pry you apart before, and now there's room for three more people between you.
Seokjin groans internally, not with the kindest words, because his fingers are starting to tremble. He grips the hard diploma folder tighter.
They hadn’t spoken to each other in the past three months. Kim would sometimes give a polite nod if they were with friends or at someone’s place — just enough not to raise questions. The rest of the time, he simply acted like the brunette didn’t exist.
Often, he’d just walked past, ignoring him, keeping his distance, and doing his best to avoid being anywhere the younger one might have been.
Thankfully, he had a freaking master’s degree with that kind of relationship.
Taehyung had taught him over the past year.
Seokjin flinches slightly when a familiar hand carefully touches his shoulder, lightly pulling him in and pressing him against the brunette’s body. He feels his heart drop somewhere deep, while the rest of his organs seem to freeze. It’s been so long since he’s felt younger’s body so close to him.
— Okay, smile on the count of three! — His mom calls out. — One! — She raises her index finger. — Two! — The hand on his shoulder presses him a bit closer, making him hold his breath. — Three! — Kim tries to force the most natural smile he can manage just as the camera clicks.
— Such adorable boys! — The woman chirps, showing the photo to the other parents. — And already so grown up. I remember photographing them on the playground like it was just yesterday.
A few seconds later, Kim feels the hand slowly slip away from his shoulder, the other body moving back, taking its warmth with it and allowing him to take a full breath. Kim follows the dark crown of the brunette’s head with his gaze as he walks away toward the parents and presses a sad smile to his lips.
Kim sighs and watches his loved ones for a while. They’re laughing, chatting, hugging — sharing not just physical warmth but something deeper. The younger one is surrounded by moms, saying something to them with a gentle smile on his face.
Seokjin thinks about how hard it will be to part with his loved ones for a long time and to see them even less than he already does when he leaves to study abroad.
Unfortunately, it’s for the best.
***
falling — harry styles
August 25, 2021
For some reason, the brunette finds himself here again.
The familiar bench by the old schoolyard feels just the same as it did four years ago, when he sat there before leaving to study in Seoul.
This time, though, the years seem to have passed even faster. Like one long, smeared instant.
Damn time flying like a sneaky pigeon.
He watches summer slowly drain off the asphalt, warmed by the midday sun. Somewhere in the distance, the faint hum of traffic echoes, but it doesn't bother him — it's always been quiet here at this hour, and no noise can really reach him. Almost too quiet, in fact, since the school stands empty on summer break.
He graduated from university two months ago.
A faintly sad smile touches his lips as he thinks about how life seems to move faster and faster with each passing year. The brunette stretches his legs out, crossing them at the ankles, and slips his hands into the pockets of his hoodie. The playground looks even smaller now than he remembers.
He has no real reason to come here anymore — all the people he once felt close to have long since graduated. The next time he finds himself in a place like this will probably be with his own kids.
The streetlamp flickers, casting a long shadow from the tree behind him. It’s not completely dark yet, but the sun has already begun to slip behind the rooftops, moving toward another part of the world.
Seokjin dives so deep in his thoughts that he doesn't notice the soft footsteps approaching from behind. A moment later, the bench creaks beside him as someone takes a seat.
He only acknowledges the boy a few minutes later, when a dog barks in the distance getting him out of his own world.
Seokjin's eyes brush over Taehyung’s silhouette. The boy’s hair is now somehow back to its natural shade of light wheat and it brings back too many memories. He’s staring straight ahead. Same kind of sweatpants from years ago, only several sizes bigger now. A loose hoodie. Simple sneakers. He just looks calm.
Kim watches him for a little while longer, then exhales quietly and rises to his feet, intent on leaving the boy alone.
It’s not his fault their families still live in the same place.
Not his fault they ran into each other in their hometown.
Not his fault this used to be their shared hiding place.
— Stay, hyung — the younger’s voice is soft and tired, making Kim freeze.
It’s the first time he’s heard him in five months.
Seokjin takes a deep breath and slowly turns to face the light-haired boy, raising an eyebrow in question.
Taehyung glances over his features, as if trying to remember them, then gives a small nod toward the spot Kim had just vacated.
Kim shakes his head, ready to leave again, but the younger’s voice suddenly turns firm and steady, though still laced with long-forgotten tenderness. — Sit down, Seokjin.
— We're not in that kind of relationship for you to talk to me like that. — The brunette frowns at the tone, noting how Taehyung’s fingers are trembling slightly. — And you’ve lost all your respect. I’m still three years older than you.
The boy chuckles and squints up at him. — I’ve heard that for so many years, I honestly don’t care anymore. — He pats the bench beside him a few times, inviting the older to sit.
— What do you want? — Kim sighs wearily, watching the younger's actions but staying still.
— A conversation, — the boy nods calmly. — I hope you’ve had enough time of running away, because I’m not letting you do that anymore. — His words, and his overly measured tone hit Seokjin with a wave of irritation.
— Are you kidding me? — He narrows his eyes, trying to read the open expression on Taehyung’s face.
— No. — Taehyung shrugs simply, his hand still resting on the bench.
— I’m not playing any games with you. — Seokjin sees no emotion on his face and turns to walk away. — I’m too tired for this.
He doesn’t understand how the boy moves so quickly, softly grabbing his wrist and stopping him. — I asked you to stay. — The younger’s fingers hold him gently but firmly, turning him to face him. — Maybe it’s time for you to fucking stop running.
— It wasn’t me the one who started that hell marathon. — Seokjin presses his lips together and meets the younger’s eyes grimly.
— That’s exactly why I’m here. — For the first time during the whole conversation, something glimmers honestly in the younger’s gaze. — To clear the air.
all the stars — sza & kendrick lamar
— You're a bit late. — Kim laughs bitterly, catching a flicker of pain in the familiar face. — Too much time has passed for me to care about your explanations anymore. — He feels the grip on his wrist loosen slightly, but it still doesn’t let go. — When I asked for them before, you said it was better if we just forgot everything. So I did.
— Just… — the younger meets his gaze, and for some reason, Seokjin still can’t bring himself to walk away. He can’t just turn his back and leave this boy behind, even after everything, — …listen. — Kim hesitates for a second, then sighs and gently slips his wrist free, sitting back down on the bench.
The light-haired boy sits beside him, drawing in a breath and slowly exhaling. He begins quietly. — When I was a kid…
— Is the intro going to be that long? — Seokjin interrupts, smirking when he earns an annoyed glance.
— Shut up, hyung, and listen. — Kim doesn’t even have time to react to the rudeness before the next words silence him completely. — I fell in love with you when I was twelve. — The boy doesn’t look at him, focusing instead on the ground. — At first, I just liked you because you were so closed off and jumpy, and it made me curious. — He chuckles faintly. — I wanted you to be my friend. — Seokjin flashes to the memory of a small blond boy peeking into his book. — The more I got to know you, the less choice I had. I just fell in love. — Taehyung pauses, playing with his fingers. — When you graduated and left, it felt like someone ripped out my heart. — The words pull something taut and painful inside Seokjin. — I didn’t understand why it hurt so much. I mean, others left too. And… Jungkook, Jimin… they were always around. But I never missed them like I missed you.
He quickly glances at Kim and continues after a long breath.
— I spent so long thinking, and finally realized. — He slightly chuckles. — Whenever I saw your dumb face on my phone screen, I wanted to kiss you. — Seokjin watches his profile, catching a faint smile. — That scared me so much, I couldn’t even reply to your messages. I was afraid you’d find out and hate me. That you’d disappear. — Seokjin remembers how Taehyung began to distance himself and how he couldn’t make sense of it. — So I told you half the truth. About the guys. — Taehyung’s hands tighten for a moment. — And instead of leaving, you hugged me. You stayed. You comforted me just like you always did. And that’s when I knew I was doomed. — A bitter laugh. A nod following the truth of his speech. — I was so happy when we got closer after that. It felt like you accepted me. Fully. You were there, warm and loving. — He pauses again, biting his lip. — I wanted to confess so many times, but you’d always bring up our age gap. Even as a joke, even in the dumbest moments. — He laughs without humor, then glances at Seokjin with raw pain. — Every. Fucking. Time.
— I… — Seokjin is struggling to remember the thing that younger means, but fails being interrupted by his gaze. There’s so much in those dark eyes that he could drown, but Seokjin only furrows his brows in regret and clasps his hands.
— And then your Gonu showed up. — This time, Kim clearly hears pure anger, wrapping around him completely, slipping from the younger's deep voice and turning into… jealousy. Bright and painful. — If I thought my heart was broken when you left, then at that moment it felt like it had been yanked out and torn apart piece by piece right before my eyes. It hurt like hell, hyung. — The younger’s voice is drenched in pain, and the eyes looking at him again turn the brunette inside out. — Like hell. Jimin stayed with me for more than two weeks back then because I simply couldn’t bear to be alone. — Kim raises his eyebrows in confusion and surprise, but the younger calmly explains. — I asked him not to tell you. Eventually, everyone found out. — He shrugs lightly, as if it means nothing. And Seokjin once again feels a sharp stab of pain. — And then I just realized I had no chance with you at all, because for a while the hyungs would only talk about how cool Gonu was and what a great couple you two made. — The wheat-haired winces and clasps his fingers again, staring somewhere ahead. — It made me sick and I just… decided to hide. Yeah, childish, yeah, I buried myself in schoolwork and occasionally went out. — Taehyung falls silent for a moment, then pulls his legs up, curling onto the bench without looking at the elder. — Seeing you at my graduation was unbearable. You acted like always. All kind, gentle, affectionate. Shit, I was bleeding inside because I couldn’t even touch you the way I wanted to, because I would’ve fallen apart right there. — Seokjin remembers that back then, Taehyung mostly stayed near his school friends and hardly ever spoke to him alone. He should’ve noticed. — You weren’t mine. — The boy leans his head back against the bench and looks at the now-dark sky. — When we enrolled, I thought I’d lose my mind being so close to you, watching someone else kiss you… Someone you loved way more than me. So I distanced myself even more. — He closes his eyes and swallows a tight lump. — I saw that you didn’t understand, that you were hurting, that you tried… but it hurt me more. — The boy winces painfully and exhales, continuing. — I started seeing other people, dating, sleeping around, but with every single person it only got worse, because none of them were fucking you. — Taehyung slowly opens his eyes and immediately finds Kim’s gaze, fixed on the younger, seemingly not even breathing. — I felt like I was going insane. That night at the party, when you cried in front of me for the first time in years… — The younger flinches and bites into his lower lip. — Cried because of me… I wanted to jump out the window, because I couldn’t bear how much pain you were in. — The blond presses his fingers to the bridge of his nose for a moment and frowns before continuing. — So I just couldn’t hold back. Didn’t want to. — He exhales hoarsely. His voice suddenly drops even lower as he looks directly into the brunette's eyes. — I dreamed of kissing you for eight years, and I didn’t want to hold back, so I’m not going to apologize. — Seokjin feels something ignite inside him from this revelation and the sheer honesty of it. — That night with you… I’d give anything to stay in that moment forever. — The younger doesn't break eye contact, as if he wants Kim to hear everything. To remember. To keep it in his mind forever. — Because for the first time in so many years, I was so happy I even cried at one point. — He looks away for a second, a little embarrassed. — I think I confessed my love to you like five times, at least. — The brunette looks so surprised that the boy has to confirm his words again. — Yeah, — he nods. — Only it didn’t hit me until later that you didn’t understand a damn thing, because you were drunk. — The wheat-haired runs thin fingers through his hair and tugs slightly, exhaling. — When you asked to meet, I was scared and hurt because you didn’t talk to me for days, as if nothing had happened between us, and then suddenly messaged. — Seokjin frowns, clearly remembering the same feelings when he woke up alone the next morning. — I was afraid you wanted to forget everything, that it meant nothing to you, that you just wanted to go back to being friends, that you regretted everything. — He closes his eyes, and his face clearly shows regret and bitterness. — I’ll be honest, your words hurt me deeply. It was like you didn’t know me. — His deep voice wavers slightly. — Like we were strangers to each other. — Inside, Kim aches and longs for the boy who now looks so small and vulnerable, like a memory from the past. — I thought about everything that happened for a long time and realized I messed up because I didn’t understand and didn’t see everything. — He lets out a disappointed chuckle. — Jimin really drilled it into my head. Thoroughly and unpleasantly. — The boy opens his eyes and looks at the brunette again. — I tried to approach you, but you disappeared. Even when I saw you, you vanished immediately, not giving me a single chance to come near. — A broken smile appears on the familiar face, piercing Kim straight through. — I missed you so much all this time, I just didn’t know what to do. — He wraps his arms around himself slightly. — I went back to my parents, and they said you were in town. I stopped by your place to talk, but your mom said you were out. She also said you were leaving. — He pauses, studying the elder’s face for confirmation. — To Japan. — Kim nods slightly, hearing the painful sigh. — So I decided I wouldn’t get another chance to tell you everything.
— Tae, I… — Seokjin doesn’t even know what to say. The younger just dumped eight years’ worth of bottled-up emotion on him like a tidal wave. The brunette tries to process everything he’s just heard, fiddling with his intertwined fingers and looking at the younger.
— Think of it as something I did for myself. — Taehyung sounds calm, though there's a faint anxiety in his eyes. — I don’t want you to stay. — His voice is firmer now. — Or to change anything, or think differently. — The younger unravels the tight ball his body had curled into and fully turns toward Kim. — I just want you to be happy. — He lifts the corners of his lips in a barely noticeable warm smile. — It’s always been important to me that you smile and are happy, hyung. — He hesitates with his hand, unsure if he can touch the elder, but the brunette only nods reassuringly, and thin fingers gently cover his. — Because whether I was twelve, fourteen, sixteen, eighteen, or twenty… I still love you. — The boy smiles more confidently now, more genuinely, squeezing his hand. — I loved you when I was a kid, and I love you now that I’ve grown up. That hasn’t changed, hyung. — His smile grows wider as Kim’s lips curve into a small smile, too. — It probably never will, because you’re just impossible to stop loving. — Taehyung chuckles lightly and briefly, flashing that square-shaped smile that the elder always loved.
Seokjin lets his eyes roam over the familiar face, noting even in the streetlamp-dimmed darkness the beautiful features. The soft expression, the barely noticeable freckles, and the spark in his eyes.
No matter how much time has passed, this face, once so dear to him in childhood, is still too familiar to his heart.
He raises a free hand and gently touches the wheat-colored hair. Surprisingly soft, even after dyeing. — Why did you go back to your natural color?
The younger watches his movements for a moment, then snorts and replies teasingly. — You’re still annoyingly irritating, hyung. — Seokjin rolls his eyes slightly and lightly taps the back of his head. — I just realized I didn’t like the person I was with dark hair. — Kim catches his slightly sad look and runs his fingers through his hair again. — I also thought you might feel more at ease talking to someone who looked like the person you once knew.
The brunette looks at him and can’t help the tender expression breaking through all the bad memories, unable to forget that he still cherishes this boy. — It suits you better this way.
— Then maybe I’ll go silver blond, after all. — The younger snorts again, playful sparkles in his eyes drawing a small smile from the brunette.
— You’re annoying too, — Kim ruffles his light hair one last time, then withdraws his hand and slowly gets up.
The younger watches him without blinking, dumbfounded when Seokjin leans in to plant a soft kiss on the top of his head, then steps back, smiling as he turns and begins walking away.
— Hyung, — the voice reaches the brunette after a few steps, making him turn back. — Good luck in Japan. I truly hope you’ll be happy.
Seokjin gives a faint smile and finally disappears into the darkness between the trees.
Once again, Seokjin becomes a distant mirage. Something you chase and try to touch, only for it to vanish the moment you think you’ve almost reached it.
It doesn’t hurt Taehyung. On the contrary, for the first time in a long time, he feels like everything is exactly as it should be.
***
lovers — anna of the north
September 7, 2021
The wheat-haired boy is sitting in one of the far corners of the university library, trying to make sense of his history assignment.
He knew, of course, that cultural studies were an important part of world history, but he never thought he’d actually have to understand them.
The notes scribbled in the margins of his notebook look like a mess, but he doesn’t really care. What he really wants is to breathe in the fresh air of the street, still holding onto the last warmth of summer, rather than hunching over assignments, inhaling the musty scent of ancient tomes that have probably been here for decades.
Why do professors think, even just a week into the semester, that anyone wants to waste their time on assignments?
The boy sighs heavily and flips the page of his textbook, focusing on the necessary paragraph and copying fragments of information onto his sheet.
He gets so absorbed in the writing that he jumps in shock when a painfully familiar voice rings out beside his table. — It's been years, and your handwriting is still just as terrible as it was in fourth grade.
Taehyung looks up and sees the brunette beside him, gazing at his notes with a mix of universal regret and unhidden amusement.
— Hyung? — He blinks stupidly, staring at the older man in confusion. — Why are you here? — He even looks around to make sure he’s still in his university’s library. — But you… — The light-haired boy returns his gaze to the brunette, frowning in confusion. — You went to Japan.
— I’m leaving next year. I’ll start working at the new branch right away. — Seokjin shrugs casually and gives him a soft smile.
— But... — The boy can’t stop blanking out because he has no idea how to react or what’s even happening. — Why did you...
— I just thought someone should keep an eye on you, since Jimin’s not doing a great job. — The brunette shakes his head pointedly and squints slightly. — You still don’t listen to him.
The light-haired boy scowls a little and shoots him an annoyed look, grumbling. — For you to know, I’m not fourteen anymore. I don’t need a babysitter.
— Should I just leave then? — Seokjin raises an eyebrow, a teasing smile playing on his lips.
— Only if you want to. — The younger quietly pushes his chair back but keeps his eyes on the brunette, who leans an arm on the table.
— Would you want me to? — Kim arches his brow, watching as the younger stands up and ends up right in front of him.
— I’d want you to stop asking stupid questions. — A mischievous smirk plays on his lips, drawing a heavy sigh and a head shake from the brunette.
— Still just as rude as always. — Seokjin watches as the younger takes a small step closer, even though there’s barely any space between them.
— But? — The light-haired boy searches the older’s chocolate eyes with curiosity and a trembling hope. Jesus, sunlight from the window is making them even more beautiful.
— But I’ve always loved you, despite your stupid attitude. — The brunette finally gives him a small, tender smile that shoots straight to the heart, joining the collection of cherished smiles the younger had kept safe all these years.
The light-haired boy feels a smile start to form on his lips, and the next moment, his hands gently touch the older’s face.
He carefully traces the familiar contours with his fingers, looks into the warm, patient eyes, and pulls the brunette in for a kiss.
The touch is filled with years of waiting, unspoken feelings, and a bittersweet relief that floods the light-haired boy from head to toe.
Finally.
Even though they had kissed before, this time it feels completely different. Because now, it’s real. Now, it’s allowed to him.
And he’ll do everything he can to make sure it stays that way.
His fingers glide quickly through the older’s dark hair, tracing his cheekbones, along the jawline, then resting on his neck, softly caressing and sending shivers over the sensitive skin.
Kim gently touches his shoulders, one hand also sliding into his hair, while the familiar hands slip down to his waist and pull him close, making him exhale into the younger’s soft lips, not letting him go for even a second.
The light-haired boy is a little wild and unrestrained, trying to balance his endless tenderness with the deep yearning he’s held back for so long. He nips at the older’s lips, apologizes, and then does it again, getting so carried away with wanting more that he doesn't notice how he pushes Kim up against a bookshelf, bumping into the shelves. But it doesn’t stop him — only draws a shared, restrained breath that nearly turns into laughter.
He presses even closer, kissing the brunette again and again — lips, cheeks, the bridge of his nose, trying to make up for everything he has missed.
He finally has to break the kiss when Kim can’t hold back and starts laughing lightly. It’s so familiar and beloved that it wraps around Taehyung’s chest like a soft scarf on a cold day.
— Will you be mine, hyung? — The light-haired boy smiles sweetly and nuzzles his nose against the older’s soft cheek.
— Do I have a choice? — The brunette chuckles, but deep in his eyes, real happiness and warmth gleam brighter than any words could express.
— No, I just asked to be polite. — Taehyung laughs as Kim pinches him lightly on the neck.
— You’re so annoying, — Seokjin ruffles his hair, leaving his hand tangled in the soft strands.
— I know, — the light-haired boy smiles, closing his eyes at the gentle touch.
— You’re just radiating smugness, — Kim snorts affectionately, still stroking his hair.
— Obviously, — the younger nods with his eyes still closed. — You’re my boyfriend now. I got what I wanted.
— You are a little brat, — the brunette moves his fingers to the younger’s ear, gently caressing the cartilage.
— But? — The light-haired boy opens his eyes slightly and leans closer, touching the older’s nose with his own.
— But I love you, — and he’s being kissed again, this time with a smile that can’t hide how happy he is.
***