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Ponyboy always thought people calling their lover 'their better half's was cliche. That was until he met Johnny.
Johnny was smart, brave, kind, and wonderful. It was so strange to see such a beautiful person berate themselves as Johnny did
But that's another thing. Johnny was tough, one of the toughest people he knew, both physically and mentally. Ponyboy often didn't feel tough himself but Johnny always brought up that side of him whenever he was around.
The truth was Johnny really was his better half, and, now, it feels like he left that part of him. The nobelist part of him. In that burning church.
And now he felt empty. Johnny's death was like an open wound. And he doesn't know when it'll heal. No. Not for a long time it won't. Maybe ever.
He thought they'd have more time. He was a fool to think of themselves as immortal. With the life they lived. They were all so reckless and Ponyboy always worried a great deal whenever Johnny landed up in a fight. And Johnny would always tell him not to worry but he knew better than to take his word for it.
And it felt like his soul was being torn apart.
They never gotten to opening up about their relationship. Too scared what the others would say. If he knew then, how little time they had together Ponyboy would've starting dating Johnny forever ago.
So damn useless..Johnny didn't deserve to die. He could've been out of that building before any of those kids. But Johnny was always so–so damn heroic. Heroic and brave, till the end.
Johnny was a hero and deserved more than him. Hell he deserved everything.
No. He wasn't going to think about that. He'd start crying again and Dally has like a 6th sense for that.
Dally thinks he's been having nightmares, going by how I look in the morning, he worries that Ponyboy hasn't been sleeping right. He guesses that Dally thinks that dreams take him back to that.. Back to looking at Johnny in that hospital room as he—
No.
He revisits those memories only when he's awake. His dreams, aren't nightmares. In the dreams Johnny's still there. Still with him, well and whole.
They're about everyday things.
Just sitting and chatting or lighting a smoke or watching the sun set. No, the nightmare is waking up and realizing it was a dream. That what's makes him pale in the mornings.
He'd wake up and it'll all feel okay for a second. And then he remembers. That's the nightmare.
Johnny was walking poetry that Ponyboy longed to understand.
"Stay gold Ponyboy"
And now he never will get the chance.