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"Who's down for a movie night tonight?" Clint yelled into the air vents, revelling in the shocked reactions of his team-mates as they frantically spun around to search for where the mysterious voice had come from, except Natasha who raised an eyebrow at the vent with the expression of someone who is done with your shit.
"Can't," Peter called back, shouting to the sky because he had no idea what was going on but he refused to be beaten by the strange happenings of their household, "it's date night."
"You're ditching us for date night?" Clint sounded incredulous, like he couldn't believe anyone would want to spend even a second away from him, before calling an 'important' meeting with everyone who wasn't the two lovebirds in the kitchen. "We need to stage an intervention." He announced, quickly outlining his plan.
"No, no no no no no," Sam stepped backwards, cross his hands in front of his chest as he went. "There is no way I'm doing that. Nope. No way, none at all, I can't -"
Wanda stepped in front of him, put her hands on her shoulders and said, "Please. For me? It'll be funny." She didn't even have to mind-manipulate him, he agreed so fast. Scott made a whipping motion with his hand, and Sam blushed but didn't disagree.
Wanda was the one to organise the whole thing, mainly because she was really into it and Steve had, whilst not actively preventing them from carrying out the operation, stepped back from having anything to do with it, although he did agree to go with them. This was primarily because he wasn't an idiot, and didn't trust the Avengers to go out on their own without wreaking untold havoc.
"Positions," Wanda whispered harshly into her comm unit. Bruce was the first to move, slipping heavily onto a table for one, dark glasses covering his eyes and a suit on instead of his usual tattered lab coat. He was almost unrecognisable.
"This is ridiculous," he muttered into his comm, trying to be discreet so no-one noticed him talking to himself, "they're going to recognise me in two seconds and it's going to be hell." He continued to complain, blissfully aware that Wanda had by now switched frequencies and was ordering everyone else,
"Be ready! They're coming!"
Sure enough, Pietro and Peter, dressed up far nicer than anyone had ever seen them before, which Steve was glad about because this was a fancy restaurant and he really didn't want to be embarrassed further than he already was, were led to a table nearby to where Bruce was desperately attempting to hide his face by burying it in the menu, which only served to make him more suspicious. Thankfully, though sickeningly, Pietro and Peter were too busy smiling at each other to notice their fellow Avenger only two tables over.
This was where it started to go wrong. Vision, to whom the entire team swore they were going to teach subtlety if it killed them, broke ranks to march right up to where Pietro and Peter were sitting, grabbing a chair from a nearby table (luckily one that no-one else was sitting on) and swinging it round to face the two. He then proceeded to sit on it like he crashed dates every day, even going so far as to wave his hands towards them and say, "Don't let me interrupt, carry on."
"Vision," Peter frowned, trying to work out what on earth was going on. "What are you doing here?"
Pietro suddenly realised they had more pressing matters at hand. "Are the others here too?"
"I just happened to be around and saw you. I thought you wouldn't mind catching up?"
Pietro and Peter both expressed their distaste for this statement, with one saying, "You just happened to be in a couple's restaurant?" and the other saying, "Catch up? We see you every day, we live together!"
At that moment, the waiter came over, spotting the looks on the faces of the three gathered around and managing to keep a calm voice as he said, "Is this man bothering you? Sir, I will have to remove you from the premises if you do not -"
"I'm going," Vision grinned up as though he had done his job, and skipped off out of the building.
Peter breathed a sigh of relief. "Thank you," he swung his head up to meet the waiter's eyes, "Sam?" Sam winced, more at the shrill voice coming over his unit telling him not to blow it than being recognised, and shook his head.
"My name's Snap, see," he pointed to the name card that did indeed say 'Snap', and merrily carried on, producing a notepad and pen out of his pocket, "Have you decided on your drinks yet?" Still squinting suspiciously at him, the pair ordered quickly and went back to their conversation, trying to ignore the creeping feeling that this wasn't the last strange happening of the night.
Not ten minutes later, a booming voice could be heard all over the restaurant. "Congratulations!" someone who sounded botheringly like Thor announced, and Peter slammed his head onto the table. "These two young lovers just got engaged!"
"Thor will be out of action for the forseeable future," Wanda sighed into her comm, trying to fight the smile threatening her face at how excited Thor was over the 'undeniable love' in the newly-engaged couple's eyes, "send Scott."
Unbeknownst to the two on the date, Scott had been concealed under their table ever since Vision made his appearance, and at Wanda's words he made the arduous (for his size) journey up a table leg and onto the top. Once there, he stealthily crept along to the flower display in the middle, and took his place there to watch the rest of the date.
Unfortunately for this cunning plan, there was one problem that everyone forgot to take into account. Even in this safe environment, Peter was always on the lookout for bugs that may bite him, or may even be radioactive, and within ten minutes, when all that Scott had learned was that Pietro made some truly awful puns, he had spotted the slight movement within the plants and was screaming to high heaven.
"Kill it! Kill it!" Pietro jumped about a foot in the air, looking around desperately for whatever enemy could be threatening his boyfriend, before taking the time to look at where Peter was pointing and making a confused face.
"The plant?"
"There's a bug in the plant!" By this point Peter was in hysterics, half out of his seat in fear, "It's going to get me!" Pietro sighed but didn't bother continuing the age-old argument that not every bug was out to attack Peter, instead angling himself for a clear shot and bringing his hand up, slamming it down with super-speed.
Instead of a table, he found his hand going down on something warm, and soft. Pietro wrinkled his nose, assuming the bug was larger than he had thought, but when he checked he realised that, instead of a dead bug, there was a whole person on their table, sitting curled up and looking embarrassed.
"You were going to kill me!" Scott squeaked, and Pietro groaned loudly.
"Is there anyone else that wants to join us?" He asked the room at large.
It was at that moment that Clint fell through the roof onto Scott's lap, grinning as he landed.
"Pietro, stop looking over your shoulder and enjoy your meal," Peter called, using his date's distracted state to steal some of his steak.
"She's here, I can sense it," Pietro whispered back, senses on high alert. "Wherever Clint is, Natasha is."
"Just enjoy your -" whatever Peter was going to say next was interrupted by loud screams, although Pietro was pretty sure he could guess the word.
"I don't know what's happening but I just know it's related to the team," he grumbled, half-getting out of her chair to check out the hullabaloo before he heard someone say,
"It's the Winter Soldier!" He collapsed back down, hanging his head back and placing a hand over his eyes.
They managed to eat the rest of their meal in relative piece once the man had stopped screaming and Bucky had vanished to wherever he had come from, probably Sam's room to steal some of his extensive DVD collection, and it wasn't until dessert that the next Avenger decided to show up, with even less taste than the others.
It was beautifully romantic. The lighting was low, desserts were being shared and the band had begun the introduction to a slow, soothing melody. And then.
The lead singer of the band started doing what could only be described as squawking into the microphone, strumming a tune on the guitar that sounded like it belonged on an acid trip.
"God fucking damn it," Peter muttered, without even looking, "Tony can't sing for shit. I hope he never tries to serenade Steve"
Without too much hassle, and more embarrassment for Tony than for them, Pietro and Peter managed to eat, pay the bill and escape the madhouse, hailing a taxi that was conveniently outside.
Perhaps too conveniently, they realised as it pulled over to show Steve in the drivers seat. "Guys," he began as they reluctantly got in, "I am so sorry."
Pietro turned to Peter. "So am I," he repeated, placing his hands on his shoulders, "I really didn't think -"
"Are you kidding?" Peter laughed, gently kissing him, "This was the best date of my life!"