Chapter Text
Takashi Shirogane was many things. He was called many titles, some if not most he had left behind now.
He was the pilot of Atlas. Pilot of the Black Lion and leader of the Voltron. He was an officer at Garrison Academy.
He was an ally, a friend, a brother, a family. A lover. He had been a part of so many people's lives. He was thoughtful, determined, strong. And he always kept his ground like a rock. Whether it was team Voltron believing in themselves during the most critic moment right on the warzone after Shiro's speeches or the diplomatic meeting working out after days, everyone's face would lighten up when Shiro was in the room. His kind eyes squinting a bit, a gentle smile thats shows the bottom of his gums, and his calm stable voice could sort out anything.
He had done so much for the world, for the whole universe and now after the horrendous weight of the war was off of their shoulders, it was time to rest.
But Shiro had lost one title he held dearly. Oh, how he would carry the sky if it meant to hear Adam say his name with love again.
The war was over, they were back at Earth. Birds were chirping and the grass was green. Adam was standing right there. But Shiro couldn't reach him. He always imagined to come home to open arms if he ever made it out of Kerberos.
"I won't go through this again. So if you decide to go, don't expect me to be here when you get back."
Every single word was loud and clear in his head. And despite the reality of them stinging in his chest, Shiro thought he could fix things up if he came back.
He never expected to make it out of Kerberos alive in the beginning. That stupid single mission meant so much for him. It was proving that he is more capable than anyone asked him to be, it was following his dreams and becoming a real legend. It was proving his damn illness wrong.
That mission also meant leaving everyone he loved behind, accepting the fact it's the last mission to go and eventually becoming a part of an intergalactic war.
Shiro thought after the war was over and everyone was safe again, it would be okay. But he had so much more to do and didn't know where to start.
Hey Adam, I am back from the mission I chose over you. And even if you said you didn't want to go through this again I am still in love with you.
No, he couldn't just say what's in his heart like that and expect Adam to welcome him like nothing happened.
A cup was placed in front of him and Shiro came back to present. Keith smiled at him.
"I never understand how you wake up this early."
"Says you." Shiro chuckled, taking a sip from the coffee and tilting his head to show Keith he is thankful.
"I wanted to sleep in! Stupid Lance and his stupid tall legs kept kicking me. I will punch him in the face once he wakes up. Or tell him his hair looks awful."
"Second option could hurt him more. "
They chuckled. It felt good to know that Keith and Lance finally worked it out. Shiro was aware of how bad Keith has fallen for Lance since they got stuck in space together and even if he didn't pay attention much, he remembered that blue eyed boy with freckles who couldn't take his eyes off of Keith at 12.
Adam walked in. Well, it was the common kitchen and anyone could enjoy a cup of coffee in the morning but Shiro did not expect to see him this early. It always meant Adam didn't sleep well through the night. His mouth was shut, mostly because he didn't know what to say. Shiro watched him pour coffee and add just a little bit creamer before leaving quickly. A hesitant hand rested on his knee.
"So you guys... Don't talk?" Keith asked.
Shiro twisted the mug in his hand and looked away.
"We did a couple times... During meetings but it was all for the work."
"Don't you want to talk to him?"
"Of course I do. It's just not... Easy. "
Younger man's thick brows came together in confusion. Shiro and Adam were the perfect example of a healthy loving relationship to him. No matter what happened between them, Keith knew they could talk it out.
"What do you mean? If I know anything, you are still in love with him."
Shiro let out a sigh. He felt exhausted already and it was only 8 in the morning. His shoulders were stiff, his knees felt weak and the ache all around his spine made him want to throw up.
"I will once I catch the right time."
He watched Lance walk into the room and hug Keith from behind with sleepy eyes. Keith pushed him away.
"Go away McClain, you ruined my sleep."
"You weren't complaining last night when I was deep-"
Keith poked him with his elbow and Shiro smiled the two boys teasing each other. Lance played with Keith's hair as he loosely pressed a kiss on his cheek. They didn't look like defenders of the universe at that moment, they just looked like two men in love and it seemed enough to ease their mind.
How easy it would be to young and so full of love.
He took a deep breath and got up. Hoping Adam was still enjoying walking around the fountain, Shiro walked towards there. He didn't need to look around, he knew where to find Adam.
And there was he, sitting in the third bench close to fountain. Suddenly, Shiro felt like a fifteen year old teenager again. With a deep breath, he sat next to Adam. He was so not ready for this.
"Hey."
The man turned to him with a slightly suprised look on his face. Shiro realized the wrinkle between his brows had gotten deeper.
"Hey."
And that was it. Adam didn't say anything else. Shiro felt stuck. It was always so easy with him for so many years and now it felt like it was their first time talking.
But Shiro was not that excited pilot to be anymore and neither was Adam that eager curious classmate.
They were two broken men who had spent more years knowing each other than not. It was all up to them to be a part of each other's life again. Or to be strangers who knew every inch of the other.
"Adam I..."
"We don't have to do this." Adam said. His voice didn't carry anger, at all. But that still couldn't save Shiro from the heavy feeling sitting in his stomach.
"Right... Sorry." Shiro attempted to get up and leave but hearing Adam talk again stopped him.
"I didn't tell you to leave. I just don't want to have this talk."
It never failed to suprise Shiro how he could be so upright even in uncomfortable situations like that. It was one of the many things he admired in Adam.
"Is Keith dating that boy? The one who piloted Red Lion."
"Lance you mean? Yeah... They are together."
Did Adam really not know this? Keith and him used to be close so Shiro just assumed they kept contact. It could be Adam's way of changing the topic as well, though.
"I have to get to know him then."
"Didn't Keith tell you about him?"
Adam took a sip from his coffee and looked into Shiro's eyes.
"I think Broganes do have an habit of avoiding me."
The silence in the air grew uncomfortably after that. Shiro had so much to say yet a knot was twisting in his throat. He studied Adam's frame. The man didn't look much different, his hair was slightly longer and he kept his glasses. Shiro tried to ignore the scars around the right side of his face, clearly making a way to his shoulder. Adam always had a mature face, but he looked old now. Well, they were both pushing through thirty.
"Do you have classes today?"
"Yeah. What about you? Did Iverson ask you to offically be an admiral yet?"
Shiro chuckled to that question. "He offered, yeah." His smile dropped slowly. "But..."
"But?"
"I think I want to take some time first. Being around and helping people here and there is something else. But to be offically an admiral... Sounds like too much work at the moment."
"Yeah, you always put yourself above duty." The sarcastic tone of Adam's voice stung Shiro. He wished they could just get this over with. Would it be so bad to talk about it now than later? He wasn't going to feel ready anyways.
Well, it wasn't guaranteed everything would be fixed if they talked. Maybe avoiding it until they couldn't was a better idea so they won't have to go through a break up soon again?
Adam stood up with a sigh.
"I have to get things ready for the class."
Just after turning to walk away, he stopped hesitantly and looked at Shiro over his shoulder.
"We will talk, okay? Just give me some time. And don't act like I am going to hit you or something. It wouldn't hurt to say good morning every once in a while."
Shiro could only nod before watching Adam walk away.
———
Adam made his way to the class that was supposed to start in an hour. As usual, he had prepared everything the day before. But the excuse did come in handy to get away from Shiro. It wasn't like he was running away from him. Adam was mentally stable enough to keep a casual conversation. He just wanted to avoid talking about their relationship. Or lack there of. And knowing Shiro, this didn't seem possible. It was hard to name what they were at this point and for the first time, he felt stuck. It used to be so easy to love Takashi but nothing could stay the same as time flied. And for once in his life, Adam couldn't say he was in love without a doubt. If anything, he felt unsure. He wanted to hold him once again, feel their flesh touching each other. Kiss him, play with his hair, button his jacket. He also wanted to stay away just to protect his feelings. Could this be called love?
Adam didn't realize Keith came in until a hand touched the notes he aligned on the table.
"Morning."
"Good morning, Keith." He said with a smile. No matter how getting avoided by Keith got him a little frustrated, he couldn't stay angry with the boy. Though they didn't talk much since war was over.
After a sigh, Adam stood up and hugged him tightly.
Seemed like the boy grew to learn showing physical affection because Keith didn't try to get away or stood in his place unknowing of what to do. He gently wrapped his arms around Adam's torso and rested his chin on his shoulder.
"I missed you." He whispered and felt Keith's hold getting tighter.
"I missed you too."
They pulled away eventually. Adam studied Keith's face. No matter how many years had passed, he saw that messy haired boy with a bandaid on his cheek pouting. He sat down and offered Keith a seat with tilting his head.
"Don't you talk to Shiro?" he asked directly.
The urge to yell at Keith with frustration how it was none of his bussiness was pushing strong, but it was his bussiness. They were family, afterall. And Adam felt the need to give him an explanation at least.
"We do talk. But I assume you are asking if we are sorting things out between each other. Not yet, Keith."
The boy nerveously shifted in his place. He couldn't name it but seeing Shiro and Adam being this distant left an uneasy feeling heavily sitting in his stomach. They were the only stable thing in his life for so long and it made him feeling like he was 11 and fearing to be sent to fostercare, again. A strong hand rested on his knee and he saw Adam smiling.
"It will be okay. Now you tell me about this boy, red paladin, hm?"
Keith felt his cheeks burning up and looked away. He couldn't tell if he was just flushed to be talking about his boyfriend or was feeling a bit guilty to not talk to Adam before.
"His name is Lance. He was actually the Blue Paladin before. A lot of shit happened in space, though two lions seeing you worthy to pilot is important."
"I remember him back in Garrison days. " Adam's lips curled into a smile.
"I am happy for you, Keith. He seemed to be a sweet kid and hopefully is treating you right."
"Yeah."
Keith awkardly shifted in his place and hesitated to say anything else for a second.
"Please talk to Shiro when you feel ready."
With a sigh, Adam rubbed the bridge of his nose.
"Keith, I missed you and I am glad to talk to you anytime. But I don't want to hear about this again. So if you are just going to pressure me into making it up to your brother, don't waste your breath. Now if you'll excuse me, my class is starting."
———
A week or two had passed when Adam finally let his walls down a little lower. Sarcasting comments had gotten less and less, they started to greet each other. It felt less uneasy when they had to work in a project together. He didn't mean to hurt Shiro or Keith in any way in the start but it wasn't easy to keep his temper under control. He still managed, though.
The day had started horrible for Adam. It had been a while since he slept peacefully. Running late to class, spilling coffee all over his uniform and wearing two different pair of shoes trying to hurry, Adam decided it wasn't his day today.
He was zoning off during class and for the first time in years had trouble to focus. It wouldn't be much of a problem if he wasn't the teacher but eventually, he had to finish an hour early. Iverson was nagging on his back whole day about it and finally Adam couldn't hold it in any longer.
"Iverson, shut your mouth! I finished one single class early in five years, it is not that big of a deal."
Old man got closer to Adam, the usual frown wrinkling his face even more.
"Watch your tone when speaking to your Commender. Training of our future pilots cannot be not big of a deal. You also yelled at your coworkers whole morning.What's your problem, kid?"
Adam stopped and rubbed the bridge of his nose. Everything! I fucking hate this place, I fucked up everything with the man I used to love and I don't know how to fix things without hurting myself in the process. And all these morons here suck. He thought.
"There is no problem, sir. I had a rough morning, will pull it together." he said with a calm, steady voice.
Shockingly, Iverson put his hand over Adam's shoulder. It was rare him to show any understanding, let alone affection in any kind of way. The war had changed a lot, it seemed. Both in him and how the system functioned.
"You didn't use any sick days in quite a while."
"No one did, sir. State of emergency due to the war took place."
"And you have served well. I am suggesting you take a week or two off. "
Adam's brows came together in confusion. His head was pounding.
"Are you sending me away?"
"I am suggesting. But my word is technically an order. We need you put together and at your best in the field. It already took long for you to recover after the crash. And I can't lose the best teacher around here." Iverson said before patting him on the shoulder and walking away.
After that somewhat relieving conversation, Adam decided to have lunch in the yard. It was quite warm outside, he unwrapped the sandwich that's been prepared the day before. Someone sat next to him.
"Sun is nice today, huh?"
Adam took an another bite of his sandwich and turned to Shiro who was smiling at him. Suddenly, sun felt much warmer and was shining a bit brighter.
"Yeah."
They sat down quietly for a while. It was nice when they didn't have to talk about anything. Adam didn't want to be 30 at that moment, he wanted to feel as excited as 15 and to problems of life to be that simple.
He gently rested his head on Shiro's shoulder.
"Where were you?" even though he was whispering, Shiro heard him clearly. He wrapped his robot arm around Adam's torso, pulling him closer.
"I am here now."
No way close to a satisfying answer. Letting out a sigh, Adam pulled away and looked in deeps of Shiro's eyes. Appearing slightly older but still so kind and gentle. Without a hesitation, their arms wrapped into each other. They stayed like that for a while, embracing each other's warmth after so, so long. Shiro felt a few bandages under his uniform but didn't mention anything.
"I was so scared, Takashi." Adam whispered in his neck. He tried to ignore the tears burning the corners of his eyes and melted in Shiro's arms.
"I shouldn't have left you." Shiro said as he buried a kiss on top of Adam's head. His hair was messy and still smelled like citrus. He missed the feeling of Adam's long arms around him, so protective, so safe.
He pulled away to see Shiro's face again. His slightly shaky fingers reached to touch Shiro's shoulder, where his human arm supposed to be. Instead there was a round metal prosthetic head and a floating robot arm.
"They've hurt you."
Shiro looked in his eyes, smiling to reassure him.
"It's okay now."
Adam's hand reached up, caressing the wound on Shiro's nose bridge. His touch was so gentle and real enough to send chills down Shiro's spine.
"I searched for you, Takashi. I don't know what Keith told you but I did. After you got lost... We drifted away a bit. I think he was angry with me. Can't blame him."
"You don't have to convince me, Adam. I shouldn't have left ike that. There is no easy way to say this but I... chose the mission above what we had." He looked deep into Adam's eyes through his glasses.
"I can't tell how much I regret it. And nothing I say will fix it. I thought I wouldn't make it out of Kerberos alive... But I did. I want to believe universe gave me an another chance."
They looked into each other's eyes for a few seconds after that, not talking out loud but telling a story of a lifetime. Shiro rested his hand on Adam's cheek, caressing the quite dry skin with his thumb.
Without thinking, he brought their lips together. He couldn't help it, Shiro thought he had lost all the chance to ever kiss Adam again so he got carried away. Their breaths interwined into each other and Shiro could taste the garlic sauce from Adam's sandwich. As he parted his lips and reached to suck in Adam's slowly, a hand pushed his chin to stop him.
Without being able to catch their breaths, Adam rested his forehead on Shiro's nose bridge, looking at him half lidded. His glasses were slightly foggy.
"Sorry Takashi I... Don't want to" he looked away. It was almost funny how tables have turned. Shiro was always the hesitant one before. Not because he didn't love Adam, he madly did, but he didn't want him to spend his life with someone who couldn't offer a future. It sounded selfish to Shiro, but now he was healthy and had a chance to build a future.
He could finally say yes.
Adam didn't want it, though. Panic rushed in him.
Shiro pulled away in embarrassment, rubbing the back of his neck.
"No it's okay. Sorry I kinda don't know what to do.". He stopped and chuckled, remembering the old days.
"I never knew what to do around you."
Adam softly smiled at him and tilted his head slightly to see Shiro's face better.
"Iverson kinda kicked me away for two weeks. Don't gasp, I really needed some time off and I guess he could see it as well."
"Well... It doesn't sound too bad. One could easily lose their mind staying here for too long."
Adam laughed at that, slightly snorting as Shiro remembered. "I was thinking to go to the beach house... Would you, uh, want to join?"
Shiro held his breath. When they were about 23, they had bought a small cottage type beach house with sparing the promotions Garrison gave for "serving well, honorably and making a great example for future pilots". It was also nice to take Keith there time to time, especially when they were threatening to send him away to fostercare. He never thought about it since years, simply forgetting.
"You kept it?"
"What was I supposed to do, duh? Finished paying the mortgage a few months ago. You owe me a shit ton of money, by the way."
"I would love to go with you, Adam." He said softly.
A moment of silence and hesitation. Shiro could tell Adam was thinking the possibilities.
"Yeah? What about Iverson's offer to make you an admiral?"
"He can shove the documents up his ass. Plus a disabled former pilot's retirement pay isn't so bad. Being a defender of the universe also helps."
Laughter filled in the air. Oh, how simple things could be if both sides wanted to. They took a walk around the fountain just like old days that afternoon and Adam compeletely forgot to read the assignments for the next week. And Shiro didn't show up to instruct the simulation cadets. He felt long fingers reaching for his awkardly and held his hand tight. No matter the hesitation, Adam decided to let himself be.
They finally had time for each other. To heal. To repair