Chapter Text
All she knew was black; it filled her vision, brushed against her pelt, and dulled her senses. It didn’t matter to her that she felt it gently pulling her somewhere or that up and down had lost all meaning. Where am I? She thought, strangely relaxed. It's so warm and peaceful here. I want to stay forever. How long had it been, anyway? She didn't bother to answer herself. Thinking took too much effort.
Through the darkness, visions flashed before her, and she couldn't tell if they were in her head or right there. They showed her a world of rolling green hills, golden sunsets, and shady autumn forests. All so different from the comforting vantablack around her.
In almost every single one of them, there was him. His shining golden fur and sky-blue eyes that carried a warm glow gave her all the company she needed. The darkness was broken by image after image of him, forming a shining mosaic of memories all around her. In most of them, a silver-gray cat with blue-green eyes was beside him. Is that me? They were tapestries of a life she knew she must have lived with this cat she loved so dearly.
What is his name anyway? I guess it will come to me eventually. You don't forget cats this close to you, right? Somehow, she felt at peace and like things were okay, and for some odd reason she felt a knot form in her chest. She was sure she’d be content to remain like this forever if she ignored it. Thinking about it conjured an uncomfortable numb feeling, so she stopped thinking at all, and the darkness soothed her. But the knot never went away.
She gave up on not thinking and tried to wrap her head around why anything would be wrong. She felt frustration welling up as she failed to find a cause she thought would be obvious, and the knot grew tighter.
Suddenly, she heard a soft snapping noise, like a twig being pulled apart, and turned to look in its direction. She saw nothing but more darkness.
Wasn't there a memory there? She stared until she heard more snapping noises as memories began to break apart and dissolve into the darkness. That contentment she felt earlier was gone, replaced by a blind panic. She twisted and turned in the shadows that held her, but nothing she did slowed it down.
Soon, only a single vision remained, and she stared at it, praying that it would not break. But she saw a thin web of cracks slowly growing across it, and it too shattered like ice.
She set her eyes on a single fragment that was close to her. I have to catch it; I can't lose him. Her muscles refused to move, and she still felt overwhelming fatigue and numbness. She watched helplessly as all the fragments faded away into nothingness. Gone forever, she mused mournfully. I still can picture his face. She assured herself, but she found it too had vanished.
The shadows could do little to comfort her as she was overcome with despair. The urge to cry made her instinctively breathe in, only to find her water instead of air. The sudden wave of adrenaline coursing through her veins snapped her out of her daze.
Realizing she was drowning, she tried to struggle against the downwards pull, but she found her limbs were still just as stiff and numb no matter how much she willed them. She tried to hold her breath. Come on, I have to move here. It can't end like this! But try as she might, her petrified limbs refused to budge.
Knowing her efforts were futile, in the back of her mind, a single thought lingered. Is this how I die? she wondered weakly. Tiredness overcame her and forced her eyes shut for a moment.
When she opened them again, she saw a sudden bright light. Without warning, the shadows let go of her, and she fell.
As soon as it started, she screamed, and for a moment, was oddly relieved to gasp in air again. Of course, that moment passed quickly as gravity twisted her body into a tumbling spiral. She felt weightless in the worst possible way. Unfortunately, the numb feeling faded as soon as she started falling, so she got to feel every second of her body contorting, until she finally stabilized.
She closed her eyes to avoid seeing any potential ground she was rocketing towards. Any second now, I'll hit the ground and… She decided she did not want to think about that. She didn’t want to die, of course, but given her situation, survival seemed impossible.
Part of her wished she could fall faster just so she wouldn’t have to deal with the dread. She wasn’t sure if it was the air moving around her, or if this place was just as ice-cold as it felt.
She had a sinking feeling she wasn’t landing soon, so she hesitantly opened her eyes to survey her surroundings. She let out an involuntary gasp when she saw nothing but featureless white extending seemingly infinitely. Am I going to fall forever? she wondered, and suddenly the idea of landing was a bit less unappealing.
Between the fall making her dizzy, and the remaining water in her lungs, she wanted to puke. The adrenaline from almost drowning has worn off… probably. The effects of the water seem to have stopped too. I should be thinking clearly now. I might as well try something. She tried to right herself only to find herself spinning faster, worsening her nausea. Bad idea. But, with nothing better to do, she continued till she eventually got herself balanced with her chest pointed down.
In this new position, she relaxed slightly. Falling wasn’t so bad without spinning or being upside-down. Am I even falling? It feels like I’m floating if I ignore the sound of rushing air. She found herself at ease, trying to ignore her terrible nausea and the stinging cold.
I can believe that I’ll be f-
Every part of her coursed with intense burning pain worse than anything she had ever felt. For a moment, her brain was too overwhelmed with pain to even think. “Ow… Ow… Ow…” she moaned weakly. She instinctively tried to curl up into a ball, but the pain worsened immediately.
Still in shock, she just laid there for a moment trying to process what had happened. Did I hit the ground? Shouldn’t that fall have killed me? It hurts like I died, though. She didn’t move aside from grunts of pain, praying it would subside quickly. She tried to ignore the sight of her own paws lying awkwardly. All she could hear was her own heart beating intensely.
“Are… you alright?” the voice of a tom rang out with obvious concern. She turned to look in his direction only for the pain to well up in her back and neck, causing her to give a small involuntary scream. “When I fell down, my pain went away quickly.” He tried to reassure; voice tinged with discomfort.
Has he been watching me? She immediately tried to collect herself and stopped vocalizing her pain. She would have bristled her pelt if she could manage it.
Moving her mouth to reply was difficult, and she could only manage a weak reply. “I doubt it. Something has to be broken.”
“If we both got out unscathed, we’re both going to be alright.” He replied reassuringly despite the morbid topic. “Perhaps maybe something is protecting us?”
Bristlefrost wasn’t particularly comforted by this notion, but as the tom had promised, she felt the pain begin to ebb away. It made talking slightly more bearable, but it still hurt enough that she wished the tom were quiet.
“I don’t feel very ‘protected’ right now.” She said tersely, not very eager for pleasantries in her discomfort.
The tom's voice let out an uncomfortable chuckle. “Yeah, I don't either… are you feeling alright yet?” He inquired impatiently.
“I’m still terrible.” Is he an idiot? I obviously don't want to talk to him. “Everything still hurts, and putting effort into speaking isn’t helping.” She said as intensely as she could manage in her agonized state.
“Right, I’ll leave you alone then.” Thankfully, the tom stayed quiet as she lay there. Thank StarClan, she rejoiced silently.
Slowly over the coming moments, the pain ebbed away till she could feel something else. Pressed beneath her was a stone cold-surface that, when she glanced down, was indistinguishable from the white void around them. She also noticed a light breeze against her fur that was thankfully much warmer. The pain in her chest, however, had been replaced by an intense ache that felt less like burning and more like sickness.
Finally, she gained enough strength to lift and turn her head towards where she had heard the tom's voice. He was turned away from her and was grooming his light gray pelt that was matted and speckled with dark spots. He was a little plump, and he was covered in what looked like fresh scars. She sniffed the air and recoiled slightly when she noticed his scent, which she recognized as the smell of the dark water. Well, that explains why he's grooming himself.
Suddenly, he noticed her, and she got a glimpse of dark blue eyes. Seeing his face, an uncomfortable feeling crossed her. Why do I feel like I should know him?
It didn't linger, though, as he began to walk over to her, wincing slightly as he put each paw down.
“Better? Do you think you can walk?” He asked worriedly.
“I think so.” She replied before slowly lifting her legs up. The pain hadn't entirely subsided, and, unable to support her, she toppled over. “Ow.” She quickly righted herself again.
A flicker of concern passed the grey cat's face as she fell, and he rushed over. “Lean on me if you can’t stand.”
For some odd reason, her entire body screamed at her to run, but reluctantly, she let him help her up. “Do you think you’ll be able to walk? I can’t carry you forever,” he asked when she almost fell again.
“I think so? I feel a bit sick.”
Hearing this, the tom hurriedly backed away a fox-length. She thankfully had collected herself enough to not fall down, but she had to sit down to keep her balance. Having some distance made that gut feeling of danger fade slightly.
“So uh… Neither of us is in a state to do anything at the moment.”
The grey tom nodded his head. “You seem like you can barely stand.”
“You look like you can barely walk with all that limping.” She retorted, triggering an offended look from the tom that quickly faded.
“You’re right, though I’m in a much better state than you. I’m not even sure if we should move. What are the odds there’s something dangerous out there?”
“Pretty high, honestly. Neither of us knows where we are or why we’re here.” She paused, and a question entered her head. “You’ve implied you’d been here longer than me, do you know anything?”
“Only for a short while, I barely managed to sit up before you fell out of the sky.” He gave her an apologetic glance.
“Mousedung.” She let out a frustrated sigh. “Then can you at least introduce yourself?”
“Sure.”
The tom began to trail off after this, as if confused by something. “Now that you mention it… I kind of can’t remember?”
She briefly gazed at him in shock before interjecting angrily, “What do you mean you can’t remember? How do you even forget your own name?”
For a moment, the tom had an offended expression, and she could have sworn she could see something beyond that before he responded with a scowl. Is… he afraid of me? She didn’t know what else to make of his expression.
“Can you remember then, since you’re so clearly in charge?” He huffed irritably. Seeing his earlier reaction, her own gaze softened.
“Of course I can! My name is… dammit.” The grey tom gave her a triumphant smirk at her defeated tone. “I’m sorry for yelling earlier.”
The tom’s ear twitched, and his smirk widened. “I hope you don’t plan on doing it again.”
Abruptly, he shifted back, and his gaze grew serious. “But that just adds one more odd thing to the list.”
“Tell me about it.” She sighed.
“How are we even alive anyway? If that was water, we should have drowned, and even that’s nothing compared to the fall, which caused zero lasting damage apparently.” The tom began to ramble on.
“For now, I’m grateful to be alive. The hows aren’t exactly important, unless we’re…” she said uncomfortably.
“Would it hurt so much if we were dead, mousebrain?” He assured, although his tone was less comforting and more like he was scolding a disobedient kit. “I admit this place would make a decent purgatory, though.”
He turned his head to survey their surroundings, and she did as well. All around them was a seemingly endless expanse of white nothingness that was completely unbroken. Gazing back at his face, his blue eyes stared with a restrained horror.
“If we’re together, then this place likely isn’t empty, and the ground seems flat, so we should be able to see anything nearby.” She theorized, trying to ground him.
“Maybe there’s some sort of fog?” He suggested after turning back to her.
“Yeah… maybe.” She turned back towards the void.
Maybe I can learn a bit about this place.
Forcing herself back to her paws was difficult, but she was now strong enough to stand unassisted. She began to slowly hobble away from the grey cat.
“Where are you going?” He demanded, confused.
She didn’t turn to look at him, devoting as much attention as possible to making sure her shaking legs supported her. “If there’s fog, distance might make it visible.”
“Okay then. You better not go too far, though.” He replied as she walked away.
It took her longer than she liked, but eventually she had managed to walk about ten tree lengths, and she turned back to see the gray tom watching her. To confirm their suspicions, he looked a bit fainter, as if some of his color had been drained.
“There’s definitely fog!” She shouted back to him, and she could barely see his ears pricked to listen. She also heard her own voice echoing into the void.
“I can tell! Stay put!” He began to rush over to her. Part of me wishes this was the minimum distance he’d keep away from me. My gut is still screaming for me to run. She nonetheless stood still as he approached.
When he was about three fox-lengths from her, he flopped down and began to give low mutters of pain from running. Part of her drew an odd bit of pleasure seeing him in pain, as if he deserved it. What in StarClan is wrong with me?
Brushing that aside, she feigned concern. “You didn’t have to run the whole way, you know.”
He lashed his tail in response. “Don’t run away again, okay? Look how much pain I went through just because you decided to experiment.” He accused, giving her an offended glare which made her feel as if her veins were full of ice. “And if there’s fog, we have to stay closer so we don’t lose sight of each other." he elaborated matter-of-factly.
We can probably just shout at each other; noise seems to carry here.
“I’ll keep that in mind then.” She averted her gaze. “So do we have a plan for when we finally get moving?”
“Yeah, a plan would be good.” He replied while he sat up. “Let’s start with getting food and water? I have no intentions of starving.”
“I doubt finding prey or an exit will be easy, but surely there must be something to drink?” Bristlefrost replied, suddenly aware of her own hunger.
“It’s that or we both die of thirst.” He grumbled pessimistically. “If we do find something to eat, I get three-fifths because I’m larger.”
“Let’s do even.” She protested. “You have some weight to lose anyway.”
She immediately regretted it as he gave a hurt expression. He quickly covered it up with a scoff.
“You’re being too demanding. If you keep spouting dumb ideas, you’ll get both of us killed.”
It was her turn to feel hurt whilst simultaneously offended. Who does this cat think he is?
“I’m anxious over this situation, and I think that’s making it hard to trust you at all.” The tom didn’t look particularly satisfied by her apology.
“I feel like if I turn my back to you, you’re going to claw off my pelt. Maybe if you’d cooperate and listen to what I say, we wouldn’t have to argue.” He half-shouted sharply.
“Okay, let's talk about something else, maybe going back to the idea of an exit?” She suggested trying to ease him. While his scowl faded, his eyes were darker than before and remained firmly on her. Seeing his dark blue eyes like that made her gut feeling seem way more rational.
“We’ll make it out soon.” She promised the tom. I need to keep hope that I’ll get back to him. She added to herself.
Dammit, I still can’t remember his name.
As she tried to think of who he could be, a realization suddenly struck her.
“Hey, uh… can you remember anything from before you fell in here?” She asked the tom, wary of his dark gaze.
“I remember being surrounded by all that water and seeing strange visions. But…” He didn’t need to finish the thought for her to get it. Anything before that was gone.
Reading the implication from her, his dark gaze finally broke, replaced with something somehow more eerie. That same look he had when he gazed into the void was back, but now as full-on terror.
“What happened to my entire life....” He whispered. Seeing him genuinely broken up caused a second realization to stir in her, but she kept this one to herself.
“It will have to come back to us when we get out. You should relax.” She tried to comfort him, even though to some extent she felt the exact same way.
My visions were comforting. Maybe recalling his visions can snap him out of it? Do I even want him to go back to normal? She weighed the options in her head, and against her better judgement, she chose to trust him. Being kind will help him open up.
“What did you see in your visions anyway?” Her words thankfully had some effect on him, but he still looked on blankly.
“Scarlet flames, burning trees, and ashes all around me.”
“Oh…” She replied hesitantly, grateful he was calmer but unsure how to react to that.
“Did you have them too?” He demanded, giving her an intense stare.
“Yes.” She admitted as the feeling in her gut suddenly began to worsen.
I feel horrible saying I saw something positive, but he’s intent on getting an answer.
“I saw a handsome tom, and myself beside him. He has to be my mate. I need to get out of here so I-”
Suddenly, the blankness in the eyes of the gray cat vanished, instantly replaced with mad rage. His tail lashed angrily, and he looked somewhat crazed. I made him mad. I shouldn’t have told him.
“How could any self-respecting cat love someone as cruel and vindictive as you?” He roared.
“What?” I’ve been rude to him, sure, but surely nothing that warranted this?
“Cats like you seem to get everything! Cats like me work hard, and all we get for it is rejection! I feel bad for that poor tom. Maybe it’s better to have nobody than to have someone who’s rotten to the core.” He hissed. His words lightly stung, but it oddly felt like he was talking to someone in her stead.
“What’s wrong with you? Didn’t you say you couldn’t remember anything?” She questioned, trying to remain collected and not upset him further.
“I don’t know what’s wrong. But I do know that in my forgotten life, I’ve been hurt too much to ever let someone like you do it again.”
Suddenly, the glint of claws and the rush of air appeared before her as he clawed at her. His paw froze inches in front of her, trembling. The tom was close enough to have landed a swipe, but seemed to have hesitated.
She quickly backed away, unsheathed her claws, and arched her back, ready to fight if necessary. “Don’t you dare come any closer!”
“I never wanted to. But pain bubbles up inside me and I feel the overwhelming urge to make you understand; to make you regret ever hurting me.” He snarled through gritted teeth.
Now, she finally understood that horrible dread of being anywhere near this cat. Her fear empowered her, and her pain faded away as every part of her mind and body united in a common goal: to get as far away as possible from this cat.
She bolted into the fog, running at an almost impossible speed. She heard the enraged shouts of the cat behind her. She knew her head start and adrenaline could keep her in front of him, but with no place to hide, where could she go when that adrenaline wore off?
She didn't look back as she adjusted her path, pivoting suddenly to run in a completely different direction. Every so often, she would zig-zag her pawsteps in an effort to throw off her pursuer.
After a short while, her energy began to wear off, and her muscles felt heavy. Still, she took a few more steps until it became too much effort. She let herself collapse on the cold ground, and that dull pain returned to her body. She raised her head to look around and saw only the pure white she had slowly gotten used to. Her sigh of relief was cut off, however, by the far-off angry bellows of the tom.
She tried to stand again, but during her break, tiredness had crept into her. The best she could do was curl up to keep warm and to hope her silver fur would blend into the fog. I am going to get out of here. I won't let him or anything here kill me. No matter what, I will survive. She vowed to herself. Finally, she relaxed and gave into the pull that dragged her into sleep.