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The midday sun barely filtered through the blinds of the small apartment they both shared in Tokyo. Ash shifted under the sheets, frowning in the way he always did when he woke up—or at least, the way he had since his body adjusted to the holiday routine.
He got up slowly, scratching the back of his neck. Ever since he had started studying literature at university, and now that he was on vacation, his pace of life had become more… sluggish. He slept more than Eiji considered necessary (Eiji had the schedule of a retired old man). And the absence of his university classes meant his mornings stretched until noon—unless Eiji woke him up first, of course.
He yawned as his legs somehow found their way to the kitchen, his thoughts focused on only one thing: coffee.
“Surprise!” Eiji’s voice shattered Ash’s sleepy state, making him jump so much that he nearly dropped the cup in his hands. “Damn it, Eiji! Did something happen? Are you okay?”
“Better than ever,” Eiji said with a smile so bright it genuinely worried Ash. “Do you remember what day it is today?”
“I haven’t had my daily dose of caffeine yet,” the blond grumbled as he turned on the coffee maker. “Not the best time for your rhetorical questions.”
“Today you turn nineteen,” Eiji said in a tone that made it sound painfully obvious, as if Ash got out of bed thinking about how he was a year older than before. “And guess who’s on the phone?”
“It better not be your mother,” Ash said with a half-smile. “She always looks at me like I’m your mortal sin or something.”
“My mom doesn’t dislike you that much,” Eiji laughed. “But no, it’s not her.”
He lifted the phone and put it on speaker. “Max, say hi to the birthday boy.”
“Happy birthday, Ash! I know you weren’t expecting this, but happy birthday,” Max’s deep, warm voice resonated through the kitchen.
“What are you doing awake?” Ash asked, still groggy. “Remember the time difference.”
“Early for you, but here in New York it’s already night, kid. And trust me, if I didn’t call to wish you a happy birthday, Eiji would’ve been on my case all day.”
Ash let out a short laugh, and as the coffee began to seep into his system, he started to feel more awake. “Thanks, old man. How’s Michael?”
“Making lots of friends at his new school,” Max replied with pride. “I think he’s doing well.”
“I’m glad to hear that,” Ash said with a faint smile, happy for the kid and for Max, even if he didn’t express it too openly. “Take care.”
“You too, son,” Max replied before hanging up.
When the call ended, Ash collapsed into one of the kitchen chairs, taking a sip of his coffee without sugar. “People take birthdays way too seriously. You just get older and it’s the perfect excuse to make you spend money on stuff you only use once a year.”
“Don’t be such a pessimist,” Eiji countered, sitting across from him, his eyes locked on Ash’s jade-green ones. “In Japan, birthdays were special. My mom always made me a cake, and she made my sister Hana one of vanilla because it was her favorite. Mine was always chocolate. I also went to several other kids’ birthdays in Izumo… it was a day to be with your loved ones, eat cake, and get presents.”
Ash looked up with an expression that mixed cynicism and something deeper than a simple whim. “That’s definitely not the idea of birthdays I had for half my life. Griffin would buy me a cake and tell me to make a wish when I blew out the candle. I always wished for the same thing—to have a mom. It never came true. Anyways, I guess it’s just something made up so kids can have fun… though I really did have hope back then.”
Eiji lowered his gaze at the hidden sharpness in those words. “I’m sorry,” he said softly. “I didn’t mean to make you feel like this.” The dark-haired boy picked up a bag that had been sitting on the kitchen counter.
“Don’t worry, it’s fine—”
“No, listen,” Eiji interrupted firmly. “You’re going to have a long, healthy life with me. And that means a lot of good birthdays from now on. Starting today.”
He handed Ash a small gift bag, decorated with slightly crooked tissue paper. “Here. I’m not going to force you to eat a cake full of calories and fat if you don’t want to… but at least open your gift.”
Ash raised an eyebrow, taking the bag. “You’d better not have spent more than two thousand yen on something for me.”
“I didn’t,” Eiji smiled. “But if I had, it wouldn’t be a problem.”
Ash sighed and opened the package. Inside, he found… something that looked like a stuffed animal. A lion… sort of. The right eye was glued on awkwardly, a few threads stuck out revealing the stuffing, and the shape was lopsided.
“My love…” Ash asked with total sincerity, without his usual sarcastic tone. “What is this supposed to be?”
Eiji, already blushing, stammered, “It’s a lion. Your first name, Aslan, means lion. I wanted to make something symbolic… sorry if it’s too cheesy. And probably too ugly and misshapen.”
Ash couldn’t help but smile at his boyfriend’s explanation. He wasn’t blind—he saw every flaw. But he also saw something else: Eiji’s effort, his intention.« Eiji loves me».
It reminded him of a stuffed toy his mother had made for him when she was pregnant (much cuter and more well-made, of course). During the years he lived in Cape Cod, it had been the only thing he kept from her. His father had thrown away every photo from before Ash was born… and had probably thrown out that toy when Ash ran away.
Before he knew it, tears were running freely down his cheeks.
“Ash… what’s wrong?” Eiji asked, worried. “Didn’t you like it?”
Ash shook his head, wiping his face with his sleeve. “It’s ridiculous… just a useless childhood memory.”
“No memory is ridiculous if it makes you cry,” Eiji said gently. “What happened?”
Ash swallowed hard. “My mom gave me one just like it. Well… with more shape. When I was a baby. I just… wish I’d had a mom on my birthdays. Or at least decent birthdays after I turned five.”
Eiji leaned in and asked softly, “Can I hug you?”
Ash nodded. The hug came, warm and tight against his chest. “Happy birthday,” Eiji whispered. “You deserve this and so much more, and there’s no rush if you don’t believe me right now. I’ll say it as many times as it takes until you do.”
With the atmosphere calmer, Eiji placed the stuffed toy on the table. “Let’s go out to eat. I made a reservation.”
Ash smiled, blushing. The kind of smile Eiji loved—one that appeared when Ash received love he still didn’t believe he deserved. The blond stood on tiptoe, gave him a quick kiss on the lips, and agreed to go out with a little grin.
Ash opened the apartment door, exhausted from a day of walking all over Tokyo.
“You said we were going to eat.”
“And we did. But since you didn’t want much, I took you to a bookstore. You got so distracted talking about books that I couldn’t drag you back home.”
Ash blushed but didn’t argue—even he could admit that sometimes Eiji spoiled him in ways he liked. “Thanks for the books. And for the food. And for the gift.”
“Forget that failed attempt at a gift,” Eiji laughed. “Next year it’ll be better. I promise.”
Ash shook his head with a soft laugh. “Above all… thank you for reminding me what a birthday is. Even if it’s not like when I was a kid… even if it’s more about being in a bookstore with history and classic horror books… thank you, Eiji.”
Eiji returned the smile, glad to see he had made his boyfriend happy. “Alright, now it’s time to put on a bad movie.”
The two young men headed to the living room, laughing at Ash’s complaints about the romantic comedies Eiji liked to put on.
The moonlight illuminated Ash and Eiji’s bedroom. Eiji stood by the bed after his nightly shower, happy he had managed to make Ash smile, even just a little. He deserved it, and Eiji loved him so much.
Eiji slipped under the duvet and found himself watching his half-asleep boyfriend. He turned off the bedside lamp and snuggled up next to him… but then he noticed something: Ash was holding the clumsy crocheted lion close to his chest, hugging it with real affection.
Eiji smiled and whispered into the quiet, “You always contradict me… but at least you liked what I made you.”
Under the bluish moonlight, Ash’s angelic features seemed even softer and more delicate. Eiji kissed the crown of his head, breathing in the citrus scent of Ash’s shampoo.
“Happy birthday, Ash,” he murmured one last time that day, even though his boyfriend could no longer hear him.