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Well, no one was dead yet.
That was about all Kaname could say regarding the current success rating of their, in hindsight, ill-advised camping trip plan. No one was dead yet. That was the only bar they had cleared so far.
Well, tents were set up, but that wasn’t really part of the success rating, since it was camping, they kind of needed the tents.
It was an achievement though, since it had taken no less than two hours, involved everyone being supremely unhelpful at least twice each, and involved Mai picking up a sleeping bag to hit Futakuchi with it several times. At this point, Kaname couldn’t even blame her. He was also very glad he was going to be in a tent with Yasushi and Sasaya instead of in the tent with Futakuchi and the other second years, because he suspected a couple of moths would be making their way into the tent at some point.
Not that they may not end up in his too, but it was more likely to be on purpose and potentially happen more than once to Futakuchi.
Futakuchi knew the risks, he’d done this to himself when he decided to antagonize Mai. Kaname had no pity for him.
If Kaname ended up with moths in his tent by accident, or on purpose really, he’d rather be on Mai’s good side so she’d take them out without laughing at him for ten minutes first.
“Sasaya if you take one more step I’m going to point and laugh while you suffer from poison ivy!” Mai called across the clearing, stopping at Kaname’s side.
Sasaya, who had been just strolling just inside the tree line on the other side, stopped, looking down at his feet in confusion.
“Yeah that’s poison ivy! You know, the stuff I pointed out at the very beginning of this trip and said not to touch because you’d get really itchy?”
Ah yes, she had pointed that out over there, Kaname did remember now. Most of the team had not been paying attention for that lecture.
“No don’t go forward stupid, back up! It’s in front of you, I can see it from over here! Back up like four steps, turn towards me, and walk straight. Then you can avoid it!” Mai sighed deeply as Sasaya did as instructed, stepping out onto the road. “And that’s why I brought calamine. It can only do so much against stupidity induced poison ivy though.”
“Thanks for the save Mai!” Sasaya said, giving a thumbs up and then continuing his walk to…wherever he was going, but now on the road. Probably smarter.
“Next time I’m not warning you!” Mai threatened, although Moniwa doubted she’d actually do that, she liked Sasaya enough she’d probably warn him at least once more.
Hm, well, maybe. She did seem kind of annoyed still after the tent setting up process.
“You at least will pay attention and not walk into poison ivy that I explicitly pointed out to everyone, right?” Mai asked him in a sickly sweet tone.
Kaname held up his hands quickly. “Nope. I’ll avoid that side of the road and all the poison ivy.” He definitely didn’t want to deal with any poison ivy.
“Good!” Mai chirped, clapping her hands. “One person off my list. Sakunami!”
Sakunami froze like a deer in headlights from where he was…doing something with a piece of rope. Kaname wasn’t totally sure what he was doing. Tying it maybe? “Yes?” He asked hesitantly.
“You were paying attention to my earlier lecture about poison ivy, right?”
Kaname was reasonably sure he had not, in fact, been paying attention, if he remembered right, Sakunami had been distracted looking at a bird.
“Uhhh, yes?”
“Well, if you had actually listened, you’d know that poison ivy is over there, and you should not touch it! Do you think I can trust you to try and keep Kogane and yourself out of the poison ivy?”
Sakunami winced. “Uh, I don’t know about Kanji, but I can try?”
Mai clapped her hands. “Good. If you need calamine for the idiot, you know where to find me!”
With that, she left, possibly to try and extract the same promise from everyone else. She really was on a war path this evening.
Kaname wished her luck, he also did not want to deal with anyone getting poison ivy rashes.
“Well, I hope her mood improves, I told Fukiage I’d check the tent first when we were going to go to bed so if there was a moth I’d be the first to see it, and I’d rather not actually need to do that.”
“At least you’re not in a tent with Futakuchi,” Kaname offered.
Sakunami looked vaguely haunted. “Yes. At least I’m not in a tent with Futakuchi.”
Maybe they should have done five tents instead of four. Split up the second years instead of having them all in together. Then Obara and Onagawa wouldn’t have to share a tent with Futakuchi.
Too late. They only had four tents, and that was all the tents they were going to get. Obara and Onagawa would just have to live with it.
Kaname wished them luck though. They’d probably need it. Especially if Mai decided moths were the way to get back at Futakuchi.
“Feeling alright?” Yasushi asked, coming up behind Kaname, resting a hand on his back.
Kaname sighed, leaning into him. “Mai’s on the warpath about the poison ivy that’s over there. She’s trying to make sure everyone stays away from it.”
“An admirable goal,” Yasushi said slowly, like he also hadn’t remembered it was there. “I’m not sure I see it happening, but it’s an admirable goal.”
“Yeah, that’s what I was thinking,” Kaname sighed. “There’s a lot of things I don’t think will happen but really hope will.”
“Well I could promise one thing-” Yasushi started, but Kaname held up a hand to interrupt him.
“I think Sasaya would literally murder both of us, and someone needs to be here to try and prevent Mai murdering Futakuchi in his sleep.”
Yasushi sighed, very put upon. “I guess the team would be pretty screwed without both captains. Fine.”
“I love doing it with you, but maybe when we get back.” Kaname gave his boyfriend a quick kiss then pulled away. “I'd better go see if there’s somewhere we can purchase firewood. We did bring all that smores stuff.”
Kaname was Not looking forward to the campfire though. He was sure the smores would be tasty, but that assumed he had the time to make one while trying to prevent anyone from killing each other or starting a forest fire.
He trusted some of them on one matter, Mai was a staunch advocate for fire safety, especially when it had the chance to become a big problem, and Sakunami was understandably fairly wary of fire, but most of them he didn't trust farther than Mai could throw them. Fukiage could probably be trusted not to decide to murder someone, and so could Obara, but no one else.
Well, Kaname trusted Aone to not start a fire or kill anyone. But one out of 10 was terrible odds.
Maybe he'd just ask Aone to handle Futakuchi and prevent Mai from potentially murdering him. That was at least half of his concerns. If Aone got them, he could probably handle everyone else.