Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“Why?” Veronica screamed and threw her glass against the wall.

It shattered with a loud clang and send dozens of shards flying across the floor, turning the whole conference room into a mine field of glass.

“How could this have happened?”

She grabbed the next best item on the table, fully prepared to rip out every page of the unfortunate notebook. Before she could tear even a single page, however, Shiro was at her side, holding her arm with his remaining hand in a firm grip. For a moment she wondered if it would be worth it to resist. She could deal with another bruise on her skin, those were truly the least of her problems. And if anyone was going say that she had to calm down one more time then she was dead set on using her knees to kick herself out of that grip.

“Let me go.” Veronica growled, barely even recognizing her own voice.

“Please, Veronic c-“ Sam Holt started.

But he was a smart guy, Veronica knew. He understood not to end that sentence after she shot him a glare. A glare she almost hoped could kill. Yes, Sam was a smart guy. And yet not smart enough. No one on this ship was fucking damn smart enough. All those years of fighting the Galra, establishing a Coalition encompassing entire galaxies, assembling the best of the best, building ships humanity could have only dreamt of four years ago, all of that and yet not a single fucking person could tell her what happened. Pidge and Matt had spent the past few days becoming vampires with how little they slept as they went through database after database in desperate search for clues. Sam, Allura and the doctors worked non-stop on assessments to find anything. And for what?

Nothing.

“I-I just-“ Veronica could feel her throat closing in on itself.

The words echoed so loudly in her head but with the half-swallowed sobs hiccupping their way out of the blockade settling on her vocal chords she could not even let that out. Now she really must have looked pathetic. In a way she thought she was long passed the point of openly crying and throwing a tantrum. Heck, she had fought in a war, she had been operating secret missions so many times she could not even count them, she was no stranger to pain caused by guns, swords or even explosions. She was no stranger to loss.

And in a strange way she had prided herself for never truly loosing her temper in front of anyone when so many had in this war. She liked to tell herself it was a sign of strength. Proof of her resilience and steadfastness. She had always ignored the self-doubting whispers in her head suggesting that war had finally left its mark on her by happily chipping away at her empathy, leaving behind an emotionally numb hole.

“I-I just-“ she took in a deep breath. Third time’s the charm.

“I just want my brother to be the way he was.”

It was a simple whisper, but she knew everyone heard her loud and clear. Everyone understood her without fault. It was selfish of her to assume they would not get where she was coming from, after all Pidge had lost her brother and father once. It was outright ungrateful to assume they would not do enough to help her little brother, because again, was she not the one doing the least research here? Wow, an analyst who could not do proper research. What a great person she was. What a great elder sister she was. Veronica was angry, yes, but not irrational. She knew that war came with costs and that space came with mysteries taking lifetimes to solve. But why him? Why Lance?

He might not have looked like it, but he was always giving his best. And he would do anything if it meant saving someone. The first time she had heard that her brother who was supposed to have died in some sort of accident according to the Garrison all those years ago, actually became a paladin, a knight of justice, in far off space, she had never felt prouder. It suited him perfectly. She had always known that fate had something great in store for that bright, lively and well yes sometimes idiotic boy.

Apparently, she had always been wrong. Fate did not care about the people it gifted or destroyed. Fate was simply cruel and unjust. Fate was everything they had spent years trying to fight against.

“Veronica. Believe me when I say that we share your pain and frustration. I wish just as much as you do that Lance did not become-“ He did not say the word. No one said the word. Everyone just thought it.

“That he would not be in such a…difficult position. But I also know deep down that you know we must attend other issues. The war is not yet won and this quadrant has experienced various quintessence anomalies we need to asses.” Shiro said. Veronica tried not to roll her eyes when he basically just called Lance an “issue”.

“And give up on him?” She shook her head.

“We are not giving up on him.” Allura said and placed her hand on Veronica’s shoulder who at this point was too drained to flinch away.

“We are just also working on fighting this war. Lance would understand. He would want us to continue.”

Veronica did not miss the way Allura’s voice broke at the end. She was right, of course. Damn it, she was right, and it hurt. It hurt so fucking bad because she could see how Lance would say these words if he could. She could almost hear him begging for her to get her shit together.

“How about we just take a short break, then work on war stuff and in the evening we’ll do some research for Lance. Lunch is long due anyway.” Hunk stepped in.

His presence had the strange power to soothe nerves. Lance had always said so when they had called after he moved to the Garrisson dorms. She knew her brother could get terribly homesick, but every time she would ask how he was doing, he’d always say that he got his best friend there with him and that they can pull through anything together. Well, but just as that bitch fate wanted to have it, not this time it seemed.

“Yeah whatever. I wanted to check up on him anyway.” Veronica heard herself mumble a bit too aggressively. She could not care less. Right now, all that mattered was to get out of that fucking hellhole of a room.

The stares everyone threw her as she stormed through the hallway did not help with her desperate attempts to somewhat calm down. Neither were her fingers pressing into her hand of any help at soothing her nerves. If she could she’d love to just slam her hand against the wall right then and there but who was she kidding, she knew she had already overstepped. Everyone looked at her with pity in their eyes and she was not blind to their sadness whenever they glanced at her little brother as well. No one actually took offense in her outburst. And yet, it was despicable. It was below her own standards for herself. And if Lance could see her…truly see her…man, he would not shut up about it in an argument. She really had to apologize.

The door gave a shrill beep as she placed her hand over the terminal of the infirmary. Inside, the stench of disinfectant greeted her, smelling just like the hospitals on earth. It was amazing to have a functioning medbay nearby. Really. Back when she got cut off from Jame’s team and traveled with the underground network, a medbay was all she wished for from time to time. It wasn’t that she did not realize the importance of one but gosh she hated this place with every inch of her being.

“Veronica! How are you doing?” the head doctor Becca approached her.

She was a kind, rather small women in her mid fourties whose bags under her eyes had never vanished ever since her son died in Commander Sander’s reckless order during the first Galra attack.

“Any improvements?”

Becca sighed. What a surprise. Everything stayed the same shit as always, wow. Veronica wondered how she even had the energy to get her hopes up every time she visited Lance.

“Not really. He still does not recognize anyone-“ Becca looked at the files she had been holding.

Judging from the way her eyes blankly stared at them, it was more of an attempt to not look Veronica in the eyes rather than finding out anything useful.

“-or himself.” She added quietly.

Himself. The word echoed in Veronica’s mind. It was true what they said. War changes people. Ever since Sam Hold broadcasted the video revealing the truth about the missing cadets , she knew once Lance was back, he’d be different. She had seen it with the other soldiers. How some became aggressive, how others became numb and how all of them just did not truly belong anymore with the people they had known all their life. The nights were never quiet as there would always be someone roaming around, plagued by insomnia or nightmares. The morning brought with it all the red-eyed people that could not hide the fact they’d been crying through the night.

Of course, they managed to have a good laugh with their fellow crew members from time to time. And of course, war can bring teams together just as much as it could rip them apart. The Paladins sure seemed like a tight-knit team. Perhaps a family even. But then again, even they could not keep their smiles up for too long. Even they had their breaking points resulting in yelling and slamming doors. Veronica sighed. Guess who was the last one to hit that breaking point? Ding Ding! Correct. None other than her pitiful self.

Becca came to a stop in front of a room with a single bed, a chair and an empty desk. The walls beside the door displayed a large window. As if it weren’t bad enough to let other’s see you in a place like a hospital, the fact that every single aspect of privacy was a foreign concept in these special rooms truly let Veronica hope she’d die before ending up in there. Standing in the middle of that nightamre chamber, was a figure looking at the ceiling. Well, if one could call that “looking”. The young man’s eyes were unfocused, staring into an abyss only he could see.

“I’ll give you some space.” Becca said.

The doctor had long left before Veronica found the courage to enter the room. Lance did not react when the door fell shut behind her. He never did.

“Hey Lance.”

She made her way to the chair. Normally she would have hugged her brother but as she had quickly learned after reuniting with him, that was a very bad idea. It shook the soul out of her when he had started screaming as if there was no tomorrow. No one had hugged him afterwards. She was the first and last one to do so after his return. And that fact alone almost hurt her more than the look of horror on Lance’s face as he grabbed his head to seemingly rip it off his shoulders. Veronica thought her heart could not get broken any further until she saw her mom, tears streaming down her face and hands outstretched, hovering in front of her, knowing she may never hug her son again.

“How are you feeling today?”

Lance had immediately been assigned a room in the infirmary with someone always keeping an eye on him. Rachel wanted to bring in some paper and a pen for Lance to draw, but that was quickly declined as the doctors could not be sure if he would use the object to hurt himself. It was horrible enough that he was in this constant confused, seemingly absent trance but the thought of him trying to actively hurt himself was unbearable. At least Veronica could find comfort in Lance seeming too lost to try scratching his skin open or slamming his head against the wall.

“Well, Lance, I am not doing so good to be honest. No one is.” She mumbled.

At that Lance turned around, his gaze flying over Veronica. He did a tiny, calm twirl until he stopped to look again at the nothingness.

“I just threw a glass against the wall. You should have seen Iverson’s face. He was so shocked I was sure his other eye would open too.”

Lance did not react until entire four seconds later. Well, it was not even a reaction, he just moved. He walked to the other side of the small room, then turned and stopped a few feet in front of Veronica. For a moment he seemed to be focused on something, but then he seemed lost in thought again. No, not even that. He just seemed lost. He took a sudden deep breath.

“I feel like-“ he whispered.

Veronica almost sprang up from the chair. Was he responding to her question? Was he aware she was here?

“You feel like what, Lance?” she pressed.

“I feel like I forgot something.” His whisper was barely audible.

Veronica sank back onto the chair, only now realizing she was sitting on its edge.

Oh.

It was just that.

Lance was able to talk. Veronica supposed she should be thankful that at least he did not return mute. But what did it matter when there were only two things he said? I feel like I forgot something and-

“Something important.” He said looking right through Veronica.

She had given up on asking him further questions about what he might have forgotten. Where he was all those weeks he had been missing, how he suddenly appeared seemingly out of nowhere in an old unidentifiable ship floating around in earth’s orbit or what the last thing was he remembered. It never worked. The first thought everyone had was of course brain damage. Veronica’s stomach did a whole flip at the suggestion. Then again, was it not the most plausible option? Well, it had been until the scanners did not pick up anything unusual.

Some began whispering about him faking it. Disgusting rumors of her little brother being an attention seeker and making fun of actually mentally sick people coursed through the corridors of the Atlas. Other rumors entailed he was just sick of fighting so he wanted to kick back, relax and let others do the dirty work for his cowardly self. The rumors were quickly shut down by the Paladins.

Shiro made sure that anyone who is found guilty of spreading these lies could pack up their things, leave for earth and look for a new job. Keith apparently had broken two noses on board while Hunk had slipped in non-toxic worms into the food of people who made fun of Lance. Pidge had to have a serious talk with her father about how throwing around heavy insults was not acceptable and that her insults specifically almost bordered bullying. Sam fortunately knew when to close an eye though. Coran stumbled into gossiping groups, knocking people to the ground while blaming it on being an “elderly man” which made him prone to trip and fall. And lastly, Allura threw the gossipers ice cold looks and shut them down whenever they tried to say something in a conference. Veronica was glad Lance was not alone even in his current state. If only he knew how much they all missed him.

“I think I have to go now.” She said, her heart growing heavier by the second.

“Lunchtime. And then…” she trailed off. Lance sat down on the bed and was slightly rocking himself back and forth.

“…war stuff.” She finished as if uttering that sentence was the most exhausting thing in the world.

The visits to Lance took everything out of her. It was horrible seeing him like this. Already when she entered the room she just wanted to run away again. But at the same time, she could barely bring herself to leave. It was stupid, really, but deep down she feared that if she would tear her eyes away from him, he might just fade away. So all she could do was just continue to visit him and let her heart break each and every time. There was no alternative. Nowhere to run from this hell they found themselves in. No escape from this sinister routine. It was almost like she was in a hole. Or a box. And no matter how much she punched the walls, nothing would give way.

Lance did not look up when Veronica left his room with her throat burning, her eyes stinging and a thousand sobs tucked away in her chest, never to be heard.

Hunk had been waiting outside the infirmary for her with a tray of cookies.

“Stress-baking?”

Hunk sighed.

“Stress-baking.” He confirmed.

Veronica wished she could do the same. Baking sounded like a way healthier way to deal with stress than throwing objects at a wall in conference rooms. Unfortunately for all the objects aboard the Atlas, Veronica had never enjoyed baking all that much. At first it seemed fun, but after the third burnt cake, she was good with just snatching away some of the dough her siblings made.

“Come on.” She tried to put on a smile which most probably ended up being a grimace judging by how Hunk’s eyebrows rose up.

“Let’s just eat.” She said, made her way over to a table and then patted the spot on the bench next to her. Hunk followed suit.

The first cookie was eaten in complete silence. Veronica could not decide if that was a good thing or not. A quick glance to the side, however, revealed that it was the latter. Hunk looked bad. His hair was ruffled, his eyes glassy and his lips quivered. The poor man looked like he had not slept in ages. Another sigh escaped Veronica’s chest. Sighing seemed to be the only thing she was actually good at lately.

“The cookies are nice.” There was something off about her tone. No matter how hard she tried to sound interested, she just couldn’t get her voice to cooperate.

Hunk nodded. Oh, it was so wrong. He should be lighting up, his eyes should sparkle and he should start rambling about the recipe. Veronica always imaged Hunk to be an anchor of the group, keeping them together, holding up morale. After all, he was one of the legs of Voltron. Now he just fell apart. She flinched internally. Lance had been a leg too and now he might be broken beyond repair.

“Thanks.” Hunk said shakily.

“I knew you liked them.” He handed her another cookie. It was only then that Veronica realized they were indeed one of her favorite kinds. How come she had not even noticed that until now? Wait, how come Hunk knew?

“You started to read minds now?” she joked.

Hunk gave an empty shuckle.

“No.” he shoved a few crumbs around on his plate to form a smile face.

“Lance told me once.”

“Oh.”

The uncomfortable silence settled in once more. It was sickening how her brother’s name became a synonym for dread. Veronica quickly bit into the cookie, desperate to somehow keep herself occupied. All it gave her though was the need to rapidly blink away any unshed tears. Another thing that was supposed to bring her joy ruined and forever sullied with the thought of hopelessness and grief. Gosh, she hated it. And she hated it even more that it was such a sweet gesture from Hunk and she could not find it in herself to enjoy it. She lay the remaining half of the cookie back down onto the plate.

“Lance told me a lot about you.” Hunk suddenly said.

“About all of you. When there was time, he’d never shut up about his family.”

It was strange to think her little brother would actually talk so well of them. Back when they were younger she, Marco, Louis, Rachel and Lance would always get into fights. Siblings love, as they called it.

“You know…”Hunk continued.

“One time we were so close to dying, well I mean no, we were close to dying a lot more than one time because it is a war and in a war, I mean, you-“

“Hunk.”

“Right, sorry. Well, what I wanted to say was, Lance once said if there was one thing he could wish for, just one thing, it would be to see his family one more time before…before…” Hunk did not need to finish the sentence. The word already lingered in the air. It had been for a long time. And Veronica was just so sick of it.

“This isn’t fair.” she said, her voice barely above a whisper.

“We’ve spent years thinking he was out there somehow, waiting, no, begging for him to finally come home. And with every passing day this hope was harder to keep up. But no matter how hard it became, we still never ever gave up on him. And I thought-“ Veronica took a shaky breath. Her volume had steadily grown but she didn’t care.

“I thought that all I ever wanted was for him to return and then everything will be alright again.”

A hand gently caressed her shoulder and she let herself fall into Hunk’s side, taking another few shallow breaths. It was getting harder to speak by the second. Anger was a fucking hypocrite. Wasn’t it supposed to make her stronger? To shout out all the wrongs committed by the shit life they were living? But no. Anger was a traitorous double-edged sword. And Hunk’s comfort was a shield crumbling at the edges. Veronica took another deep, albeit  trembling breath.

“Now he has.” Veronica violently rubbed at her right eye which tried hard to keep the tear inside.

“And nothing is alright.” She could not even recognize her own voice as it came out like a sob that was two octaves too high.

Hunk hugged her closer. At this point, she just let the tear fall.

“A-and I see him standing right there. I see his face, it is him and he is right there. He’s not lost anymore somewhere out in space, he is here, he is home. And everytime I look at him, I can almost hear him calling out my name, I can almost see him putting on that kinda mischievous smile ready to tease me and-and-“ Veronica stopped.

She felt like she was just rambling now. She knew Hunk understood and yet she felt like she had to repeat the same sentence of “he is right here” and “I can see him” all over again. It was foolish to hope that the more she said it, the more it would become okay again or at least the more it could get into her thick skull that she must fucking accept this shit and deal with it. Veronica gathered a few more shaky breaths before starting over.

“And…and he never will. He’s right here and yet…”

She wiped away another tear.

“He’s gone.”

Veronica clutched at Hunks shirt. She wanted to punch something so desperately.

“And I am forced to see him every day and he is forced to be here with me every day and yet we will never ever truly see each other ever again. And we both…we both live in the absolute worst realization of our wish to see each other again one more time.”

Hunk had started to gently rock them back and forth while clutching her even tighter. How that was possible, she had no idea. Oh god, this was pathetic. Yes, Veronica knew crying was natural and important so as to not keep all the built up emotions inside and yes even a grown adult cries sometimes and that was fine! Needing a shoulder to cry on was totally normal as well and it should not be embarrassing especially not in a war, so it was fine! Outbursts were natural under this kind of stress too, so she was acting entirely reasonable and all this was just a natural process of dealing with loss and it was okay, yes, everything was fine! This should all be fine!

Veronica untangled herself from Hunk’s embrace and slammed her hands onto the table.

“I hate this! Nothing is fucking fine!”

She slammed her hands onto the table again, this time with less force.

“Why can’t it be fine?”

She shoved away the half-eaten cookie and laid her head onto the table.

“I just want everything to be fine again.”

Veronica never really believed that jinxing something was an actual thing. Now, she was not so sure anymore. The ship gave a violent jerk, sending the tray rattling to the floor. If it wasn’t for Hunk’s quick reflexes she would have fallen right off the bench. With a swift motion he pulled her back up by the hand. It did not take long for the alarm to set in. People from various departments and ranks began running from one place to the other, desperate to get to their stations. Hunk and Veronica did not waste another second before springing to action.

Hunk immediately took a turn toward the lion’s hangar while Veronica ran toward the bridge. Just before they each reached a door, they turned to look at each other one more time and exchanged a silent “be safe”. This would not be the last time they would see each other, Veronica swore to herself. She might have lost her little brother but she will be damned if she would let a single person of her brother’s space family die on her watch.

The speakers cracked to live.

“Attention Atlas.” Shiro’s voice resonated through the hallways.

“We are under attack by a Galra faction. Paladins get to your lions, MFE pilots-“

Veronica did not hear the rest of the message as the sight in front of her send pure panic rushing through her veins, overriding even the most basic function of breathing. Before her brain could start processing the situation, her legs had already taken her behind a column. There, in the middle of the hallway stood a Galra intruder. The tall woman rose from the floor where she had knocked out a medic. Her left hand wiped the blood off her nose, undoubtedly caused by the young man lying completely unguarded on the ground, while her right hand reached for the gun resting at her side.

“Oh no you don’t” Veronica whispered as she reached for her gun also.

Unfortunately, it had never been the intruder’s intention to use the gun on the man. Sharp pain exploded on Veronica’s left arm. It took every bit of self-discipline and will power left in her body to not reach out and cover the now exposed flesh where the fabric of her uniform had been ripped apart. It almost successfully overshadowed the agitating sensation of blood slowly soaking her sleeve and dripping to the floor.

The Galra woman did not waste any time. In a matter of seconds she reached Veronica’s hiding spot, seemingly not even breaking a sweat as she dodged the bullets. So typical, Veronica thought, for the analyst of the group to be fighting a highly experienced, outrageously brutal soldier one on one. The gun choked up an empty shot. Just as Veronica reached into her pockets to pull out a new magazine, the Galra balled her hand into a fist and charged. If Veronica had ducked only a second later, her head would have become the newest wall paint. With a strength she did not now she posessed she slammed her feet into the legs of the other woman, sending her flying straight to the floor.

Before she could retract her legs, however, the Galra grabbed her by the hair and puller her down. In that moment, the entire Atlas started shaking. Having been thrown onto the other side of the corridor, right on top of the Galra and her gun nowhere in sight, Veronica quickly got hold of the woman’s weapon. In a helplessly ungraceful way to steady herself, Veronica raised her hand as she stumbled back. She didn’t get far though. The woman reached out. Without any time or way to escape, the Galran’s claws dug into her throat and squeezed out all the air.

“You humans are such a feisty species.” The woman snarled.

“It would almost be cute if you weren’t so pathetic.”

Veronica’s vision turned into a distorted, pulsing, ever growing black hole. Not withstanding the pressure building up insider her skull, she closed her eyes, bit her tongue and pulled the trigger.

The next second went by in a flash. One moment ago she had prepared to say her final goodbyes, then in the next, she hit the floor right beside the lifeless body of her almost murderer.

“God, that was too close.” Veronica heard herself say.

“Way too close.” She rolled onto her back and closed her eyes until the dizziness faded.

The bullet had hit the panel above them which came loose during the attack on the Atlas. It was a horrifying miracle it fell right down on top of the Galran’s head. The sigh of relief though was already too much to handle it seemed. Her body descended into a full-blown coughing fit which left her shaking uncontrollably in the slowly expanding little pool of Galran blood.

Veronica did not know how much time had passed until she finally could breathe again. The only thing she did know, was it had been way too long. The alarms were still blaring but the speakers only broadcasted an occasional static. Who knew what could have happened in all that time. She was sure someone could have taken her place at the bridge but if she did not make it there in time then others might haven’t gotten there either. A sting coursed through her entire body as she unconsciously clenched her injured arm.

“Fuck.” She cursed.

This almost brought back memories from the time her leg was shot in the underground tunnel. How the hell was it possible that after all those shit experiences the pain was still just as unbearable as it had been the first time. One might assume that at some point one could get used to it.

Veronica slowly let go of her arm. Once she saw her quivering hand a cold shower raced down her spine. It was completely drenched. She could not even tell if that was her or the other woman’s blood that painted her fingers a vibrant crimson. Well, that would add another sleepless night to Veronica’s schedule for sure.

Out of habit, she moved her hand to wipe it on her uniform, but just the white turned a dirty red, she caught a glimpse of a foot in the corner of her vision. A foot of someone who stood right behind her. As if all the pain had been put on pause, she grabbed the gun anew, whirled around and aimed right between the eyes of her new opponent.

Her finger froze.

The gun clattered to the ground.

And the hallway went quiet.

“Lance.”

Perhaps Veronica had indeed died and this was fate’s idea of a funny afterlife. This shouldn’t have been possible. He was supposed to be in the infirmary. She had checked up on him maybe half an hour ago or however long it took to regain her composure. But that was beside the point. No matter how much time had passed, he should still be in his room. In fact, whatever the case, he should definitely not be somewhere out here, completely unattended, where he could walk into an enemy and get himself killed.

Then it hit her with full force. He did almost walk into an enemy and if Veronica had not been there instead of him then…no. What could have happened was not of importance. What mattered was that she would make sure the what ifs would not become a reality in the next few minutes.

Veronica sprang up from the ground. She had already enclosed her arms around her little brother’s shoulders when she remembered his reaction to hugs. Defeated, she let them fall back to her side and took his hand. Lance who had looked far into the distance suddenly stared right at her. To say it was unsettling was an understatement. His breathing gradually picked up while equally raising in volume. Veronica let go in an instant. The moment she did so, Lance relaxed as if nothing had ever happened. His gaze returned once again to the nothingness he had been watching so intently the past few weeks. He swayed to the side and held his head.

“I-“ he started with that broken voice of his which sounded so goddamn wrong coming from the boy who used to both cheer up and annoy everyone in the room upon entering.

“I-I forgot something.” He finished. Veronica would have almost rolled her eyes if this situation weren’t so fucking sad.

“Yes, well did you forget how the hell you escaped from the infirmary because that is something I would love to know.” She said, not expecting a genuine answer. Or, to be entirely fair, any answer at all.

Lance did not react. He almost looked like he completely froze in that odd position.

A gasp pierced the air. Expecting an enemy, Veronica pushed Lance back and without a second thought transitioned to her fighting stance. She might not have specialized in combat much less close range one but whoever thought they could threaten her brother could be certain to expect her fist in their face. The gasp that soon turned into a bone chilling cough, accompanied by several wheezes, did not come from another intruder, however. No, this gasp was about to ensconce itself in Veronica’s nightmares as another reminder of her failure.

Just a few feet away lay the previously unconscious man, shaking uncontrollably on the ground. His coughs turned violent and if the blood on his shirt was anything to go by then he was most likely about to choke on it.

Veronica desperately tried to fight against the shaking in her hands that could only do so much at slowing down the crimson rivulets from painting their horrifying patterns on the floor. In the end there was no use. The man’s condition worsened. But what made Veronica’s worries spike up even more was that beyond the Atlas’ metal walls, the fight worsened too. Sensing her distress, the ground shook again, granting her back another beating.

With her glasses knocked off, her vision blurred, and nausea started to pound relentlessly against her temples. It was of little comfort that she was still able to see whether or not a hostile figure tore a spot into the distorted vision. Besides the red that was the poor man, now lying a few feet further down the corridor, the hallway remained spotless, figureless.

“No.” she pushed herself up, never minding her lip that she bit through only to not scream at the pain radiating from her arm.

“No.” she twirled around.

Veronica was not stupid. As someone who wore glasses in a war, she carried an extra pair as well as contacts with her. Following her muscle memory she fished out the extra pair and put them on. Yet it only confirmed the nightmare she dreaded to be real.

“Lance.” She stumbled forward, her feet refusing to properly coordinate.

“Lance, where are you?” Veronica shouted from the top of her lungs. She did not care if a Galra could hear her. She did not care that deep down she knew he could not answer her anyway.

“Lance!” Something in her throat snapped and she doubled over. Her coughs grew scarily similar to the ones she had to endure hearing just a few seconds ago. But she refused to think about what that meant any further.

“Lance.” The hallway split in two. Her brother though, was nowhere in sight.

She did not know how she made it back up on her feet but she tumbled forwards anyways. All she had to do was put one foot in front of the other, something she could never have imagined to be difficult before the war began. Dreadful images filled with all the possible scenarios flooded her brain.

What if her brother was attacked?

She ran around a corner, entering the next corridor.

“Lance! Are you there?”

No answer. She ran further. A turn to the right. Then to the left. Veronica screamed as her arm collided with a wall. A dead end. She turned around for the next try. A turn to the right, then the right again.

The images grew more horrid.

What if her brother was hurt?

Veronica’s feet started to burn from the strain she put on them. Her arm had almost completely given up at moving along while she was running, it just hang at her side, limp and useless. The wall behind her next turn was mocking her. Truly, the locked door’s design looked like it was laughing. Or maybe that was what the nausea saw when it spotted the dead end. There was no time to wonder about that now. Lance needed her. She spun around. A turn to the right, no the left. Then a turn to the right. Then the left.

If Veronica thought her feet were on fire then her lungs were ablaze. The air she rapidly inhaled only fueled the flames. Nothing could compare the pain in her chest with the despair her mind fell into, though. There was just so much that could happen to her little brother. She was not ready to see him chained to the bed by tubes and machines, taking the very last freedom he still had away from him.

The corridors blurred together. How come she never noticed they all looked the same? Veronica shook her head in hopes the tiles beneath her would stop warping. She took a turn to the left, no the right, no the left was correct. Then the right. Or was it left?

Veronica stopped and slumped against a wall. There was no air she could inhale anymore.

“Lance.” She whispered between all the heaves.

She had to get up. Find him. Or find the others. Find anyone who could help. Because if she wouldn’t, then… A sob shattered her chest. She did not want to finish the thought. The nausea won the battle of vision and Veronica closed her eyes. Big mistake. In the darkness the images were much more vibrant. How he lay on the floor. Unmoving. And silent. So silent.

All these years, ever since Lance followed the divine calling of the lions, ever since war took him away from her, there was one question she and her siblings never dared to say out loud. One question they feared to know the answer of. One question that refused to leave her mind against all resistance.

What if her brother was dead?

Veronica wiped the sweaty bangs off her forehead while she involuntarily smeared her tears all over her cheeks. Her arms gave up soon after and fell back to her side. This was ridiculous. She was wasting time and yet she could not even get up. But the worst thing: Why did she feel like she could not care enough anymore?

Veronica stared at the ceiling contemplating absolutely nothing. There was nothing to think about. Everything but nothing was just the same old bullshit she was fed up dealing with. Her neck protested in pain so she just let her head hang low. Ceiling or floor. What difference would it make.

Funnily enough, there was a difference, for the ceiling was its natural white and grey but the floor… Veronica’s hand was up against her chest in an instant, leaving yet another reddish-brown stain on her uniform. The floor was blood stained. The same ones she left behind to search for Lance. So, it was true. She really was even more helpless than she thought she was. Running in a circle. If it were any other moment she would have laughed because, wow, this was a joke. A cruel and sick one but damn, life was a jester, nonetheless.

Veronica leaned to her left side to glance around the corner into the hallway she had fought the Galra in. She expected anything. A new Galra. Or colleagues looking for her now that the alarms stopped blaring and oh yeah when did that happen?

What she did not expect was her brother standing there unscathed, his back towards her, his head held low, looking at the motionless man laying in his own blood puddle.

“Oh my god.” Veronica clawed at the wall for support as she stood up and made her way to the gruesome scene.

“Oh god no.”

The man’s mouth was hanging wide open, the blood had finally ceased to drip out of it at last. His eyes glared at the void that seemed to linger right above Veronica’s head. The right arm was bent in ways it shouldn’t be.

And Lance…

Lance was staring.

Chapter Text

Coran had found them after who knew how long and dragged them to the infirmary where Becca was tending to Veronica’s arm. Sam and Shiro checked up on her too. Veronica could not decide what was more awkward: the others standing around while she sat on the cot like a child that had to look up to the adults in the room or being in the same room with the people she almost threw a glass at this morning.

Thankfully, Sam and Shiro were able to pick up on the awkwardness. Or at least that was what Veronica figured when they pulled up a chair and sat down. Coran stood beside Becca and helped her out. Apparently, the elder man had overseen the Castle’s infirmary and acquired an impressive amount of medical knowledge. An impressive amount that was still not enough to help Lance, Veronica thought bitterly.

“I am glad you are okay. I was worried when they said you were missing on the bridge.” Shiro started.

“The faction under the Galran war lord Tnadnammok attacked us but we were successful.”

Veronica nodded. They were bound to run into Galran war lords at some point.

“Is everyone alright?” she asked.

“The paladins are mostly unharmed with only a few bruises here and there. Nothing a good night’s sleep can’t fix.” Coran reported in a cheerful voice.

Veronica didn’t match the joyfulness. Joy was something she had to say goodbye to a long time ago.

“The paladins, huh.” she could not stop herself from mumbling. Coran stopped in his tracks for a second but then resumed working with his smile now belonging to the past.

“I’m sorry.” She said.

In truth, she did not even know who she was addressing. Sam and Shiro, for lashing out? Coran, for not letting him be glad all the…other…paladins were safe? Her colleague that was probably being prepped for cremation right now? Her team, for not being on the bridge where she should have been? Or Lance, for failing him, now just like she did back then?

“Don’t be.” Sam said.

“You did your best. There is nothing you could have done otherwise.”

Right. Because her best was letting her brother out of sight and a comrade die. Veronica’s body jerked away from Becca who put disinfectant on the wound.

“If I had-“ she started through gritted teeth but Sam interrupted her.

“No. You took out the Galra and thus you saved your brother and yourself. And probably even more people the woman would have taken out if she weren’t stopped. You have nothing to be sorry for.”

“I left him.”

Sam took a deep breath, stood up and then walked over. Becca threw him an only-this-once-glance as he made room on the hard cushion to sit down. Veronica knew she needed closure as much as the bandage wrapped around her arm. Would she admit it out loud? No. Sam let his hand rest on her right shoulder. Normally, she found comfort in these gestures. Touch starvation seemed to be a real thing. But now, it just felt wrong.

“I ran away.” It was a simple whisper. Barely there. And yet, it felt like she just announced her incompetence on all the speakers of the entire Atlas.

“Veronica, he was dead the moment he hit the wall. There was nothing physically possible that you could have done to save him. And you ran because you searched for your brother. You did not run away.” He squeezed her shoulder.

“You ran towards him.” Sam threw her a reassuring smile and for the first time on this godforsaken day she found the strength to smile back at him.

“Still, I am sorry.” The crease between Sam’s eyebrows made a comeback.

“Veronica-“ Shiro said, having stood up now too.

“For this morning. I was acting out of line.”

A sigh went through the room as the other occupants visibly relaxed.

“Ah, no worries.” Coran said.

“You know, having lived with the paladins for quite some time, I must say I have seen worse. I never knew Pidge was able to throw an entire chair against the wall until her computer crashed during an important mission. All it took was for Keith to say “calm down” for it to fly across the room.” He said through a wonderful genuine laughter.

“Sounds like my daughter.” Sam grumbled while Shiro just shook his head clearly remembering the incident.

“And have you ever noticed how Shiro’s vocabulary of passive aggressive insults increases tenfold whenever Slav goes on about probabilities related to cracks, folds, socks or other random things?” Coran said grinning while playing with one end of his mustache.

“Coran…” Shiro sighed, messaging the bridge of his nose.

Coran and Sam chuckled. For a moment, Veronica could have forgotten the events from earlier. Perhaps even all the events from the last few weeks. But alas, the happy bubble burst right when it began to form. A nurse knocked on the door requesting Becca’s presence for checking up on Lance. As the doctor left it was like she took Veronica’s hope with her.

Lance was unharmed, thank god, but his mind remained as shattered as before. The intent with which he stared at the dead man was as bone-chilling as it was unusual but even then did he not respond, did not look at her when she placed herself in his sight. No, instead his gaze went back to the invisible abyss the moment she did so, and it hasn’t changed since.

“You know Veronica…” Coran said. His voice sounded serious all of a sudden, yet the warmth and kindness remained.

“There will always be injustice, agony and hardship in this world. And they will all leave behind holes in our heart we cannot fill.” He sat down on the doctor’s stool right in front of her. Veronica could not bear looking up.

“But what is important-“ he took her hands in his.

“Is how we deal with these hardships. And how we live on with our bruised heart.”

There must have been a magic spell in the light squeeze of his hand, how else could Veronica explain the tear escaping that she had no problems holding in until now. Coran let go only to hand her a handkerchief. Honestly, there was nothing funny about this. Really. Veronica chuckled anyway.

“Is that like a daily wisdom of a wise old man kind of thing to say?”

Coran smirked beneath his mustache that he had been twirling in between his fingers again.

“Actually, no. Lance told me that once and he is not that old.”

He must have been kidding. Her little bro said that? Did he discover some deep sentimental wisdom potions in space or something? Veronica remembered all too well how Lance once shut himself in his room after a girl he liked for only three days turned him down at school saying he saw no sense in ever exiting his room ever again. When Marco told him he acted immature his only response was that he would show them “immature”.  

“Well, he did say he got it from the blue lion.”

“Your lions can talk?”

“Not really.” Shiro said.

“It’s more like a feeling. A mutual understanding. Although, sometimes it is hard to decipher what they mean but, in the end, it always works out.”

He fiddled with his trousers, deep in thought as if remembering a particular moment in time. Or maybe he was feeling Black’s presence in the back of his mind. Veronica wondered how it would feel like to be connected to such an ancient, sentient being.

“A paladin’s bond with their lion is strong after all.” He mumbled, perhaps more to Black than to the others in the room with him.

“The blue lion is the lion of water.” Coran spoke up again.

“And like water is everchanging, her paladin is adaptable and resilient. Did you know, Veronica, that it takes but a single drop to carve a hole into stone as long as it is persistent?”

Veronica nodded, she had learned about this early on in geography class.

“The Blue lion looks for perseverance in a person, despite what may come. It is that in which her paladin’s strength lies.”

Veronica wanted to believe those words. She truly did. She knew that Lance has flown to battle in an intergalactic war for years and there must have been times when he could have chosen to run away. But he didn’t. He did not even stay because he didn’t want to betray anyone, much more than that, he stayed because he believed in a cause. He fought for something. They all did, that much was clear.

And she would lie if she said her gut didn’t do a few flips whenever the paladins talked about some of the more brutal experiences they were forced to live through. It was a miracle, or maybe even more than one, that anyone of them was still alive. They overcame so much already. She knew that. But how was Lance ever supposed to overcome this? How could anyone?

Regardless, she supposed for now a little bit of wishing for the best could not hurt more than fearing the worst.

“When I came to earth and met all of you-“ Coran continued.

“I could see that quality runs in the family.” He winked. Veronica let out a snort.

“Thanks. This means a lot.”  

The situations sucked, there was no other way to put it, but at the same time, they were right. Logically speaking there was nothing she could have done. This inability to act was beyond frustrating. So much so, Veronica wished she had another glass to throw. However, a stream always finds a way around an obstacle, creating new paths along the way.

Veronica survived today. And that had to mean something.

The initial conference agenda was postponed. The late afternoon saw endless discussions about organizational stuff regarding the attack of Tnadnammok’s fleet. Or rather, what was left of it. Apparently, some of his ships had been transporting prisoners who needed medical attention and accommodations. Pidge was able to hack into the system and gather the intel that was now sitting on Veronica’s work desk to analyze.

Somewhere between the third coffee and a worsening headache, she found a particularly interesting set of reports. The Galra faction had been at war with a resistance group in the orez quadrant, an area that was not well explored in the known universe. In fact, some digging revealed they had only recently stood in any form of contact to the universe outside of their quadrant much like earth itself.

The files however indicated that domestically, the planets formed a highly complex, integrated network with access to valuable resources which the Galra came to extract. Some files even hinted at extreme frustration with the resistance movement for not a single planet fell into the Galran’s hands entirely. Victories the Galran’s achieved were small. The one notable victory, an assassination of a highly prominent figure, could mostly be interpreted as a failure in the long run. The creation of a martyr only fueled the resistance.

The clock beside Veronica blinked in synch with the alarm of a timer. It was now already past midnight on the Atlas. She really should go to bed, she had already snoozed her you-will-otherwise-regret-this-in-the-morning alarm twice. And frankly to say, it wasn’t even morning and she already regretted procrastinating sleep with work. After another two grunts she pushed herself up from the chair, her arm painfully throbbing at the motion.

Veronica quietly shut the door behind her. The lights were dimmed for the “night” but always bright enough to move without having to worry about tripping over something. One perk of being up late was getting the hallway’s bathroom for oneself. She had just been in the middle of yawning when she heard a muffled voice.

“Come on, get some sleep.” A man said.

Veronica knew that voice. She stopped at the next door under which warm, orange light shone into the cold blue ones of the corridor.

“Pidge, please, you have been at it for hours. You look like a zombie.” Matt sighed exasperatedly.

“I said I will go to sleep in a minute. I just want to look over this one damn thing!” Pidge grunted back.

Veronica didn’t mean to eavesdrop.

“You have been saying that for the last sixty minutes.”

Especially not on her friends. So, she went her way. At least, that is what she was about to do until-

“You can’t help him if you collapse from exhaustion.”

Veronica stopped dead in her tracks. Him? They couldn’t mean her brother, could they?

“You know he wouldn’t want you to overwork yourself.” There was a sadness in Matt’s voice that could not be overshadowed by his attempt to sound steadfast.

That was confirmation enough, lately anything that made someone sound sad had a 90% chance of having to do with Lance, as horrible as that was. Veronica leant a bit closer. The two were silent. There was not even a shuffling or a huff or anything. Until there was a quiet hiccup.

“Oh Katie.”

First, Veronica thought there was another hiccup. It did not take her long to realize those small broken sounds were actually sobs. Now there was a ruffle of fabric accompanied by the creaking of a chair.  

“That’s…” Pidge’s voice sounded muffled as if spoken through fabric.

“That’s what he always said when I was looking for you and dad.”

Veronica had never seen Pidge get emotional besides being grumpy, angry or frustrated. Crying never seemed to be on her list of expressing feelings. It was important to let tears out sometimes for everyone but hearing it now in person…it felt so wrong.

“I- I just, I just can’t understand why I can only have one of you here without the other.”

Matt’s sigh mingled with another one of Pidge’s choked sobs.

“We’re all a family. Family is not supposed to just…break like that.”

Veronica felt her legs give out as she sank to the floor, her back leaning on the wall.

“I know.” Matt said.

“I know.”

By the time Pidge went to bed, Veronica was long gone.

She was never going to get used to waking up early. One might assume that after working at the Garrison for years one would turn into an early riser, but it seemed that whatever the time, Veronica would always wake up tired. It just got worse the closer it got to 6 a.m. So, in short, Veronica was at her worse. The quick morning shower only helped to the extent that she did not fall back asleep. Breakfast would not commence until 6.30, meaning she still had about 15 minutes left.

And like every day, she used it for paying her brother a quick visit to give him more empty promises of fixing his condition. So everything was as it always was. That was, until she encountered an unexpected visitor in front of Lance’s room.

“Keith?”

The young man turned around in surprise.

“Veronica. I-“ he trailed off.

“Are you here to visit Lance too?”

Keith gave a shy nod.

“He’s sleeping. I don’t want to disturb him.”

A quick look through the window revealed Lance lying on the bed with his back turned towards them. He didn’t even care to lie beneath the covers, it looked like he just shrank into a tiny, self-hugging humanoid ball that just so happened to pass out on the bed. At least this time he didn’t sleep on the floor.  At first the nurses carried him to his bed whenever he did that but with his intense reaction to touch, they would now just let him be on the floor so as to not cause him further distress which he already had to endure whenever they tried to get him to eat.

“Any updates?” Keith asked.

“We wanted to speak with the rescued prisoners today. They are part of a resistance movement against the Galra from a place with many resources, so they might prove to be a vital component of the Voltron coalition if they choose to become our allies. I wanted to speak to some myself. I am sure that-“ she couldn’t finish the sentence.

“I meant Lance. Are there any updates?”

Oh. Right.

“No.” Veronica sighed.

Keith only gave a curt nod. As distressing as it was to see Lance like this, Veronica had to admit there was something soothing about watching him sleep. Sleep meant he wasn’t in pain. Much unlike Keith, who had his fingernails pressed into his upper arms.

“I don’t know how he was like in space, but if I had told him three years ago that Keith Kogane was visiting him out of worry, he would have told me I’d lost my…ehm, mind.” Veronica winced at her poor phrasing.

“I think he would be overjoyed.” She said instead.

Keith snorted.

“He hated me back then.”

“Hate? Is that what he told you?” Veronica asked surprised. That was not the way she remembered all the times Lance would ramble about Keith in their video chats.

“He didn’t have to. He was going on and on about a rivalry and kept on provoking me for some reason.”

Veronica could not suppress an eyeroll.

“What?” Keith asked, obviously having picked up on her reaction.

“Keith. Hate is a strong word. I mean it is true that he did not particularly like you, but the way he talked about you, the way he looked at you sometimes…that is admiration, not hate.”

Keith just stared at her for a moment until a silent “oh” escaped his mouth.

“He looked up to you, Keith. I think the only one who didn’t realize that is himself.”

Keith deadpanned.

“And you it seems.” Veronica chuckled.

“Yeah, I guess we are both idiots.” He mumbled.

Inside the room Lance shifted to the other side, still fast asleep. Half of his face was obscured by his hands which were curled towards him. The fragile smile on Keith’s face fell.

“It was weird at first, but we sorted out our differences.”

He let out a deep sigh only to open and then immediately close his mouth again, debating what he should say or if he should say anything at all. Veronica knew the suffocating feeling of being torn between keeping all her emotions inside and wanting to spill out everything to the next best person all too well. So, all she could do was give Keith an encouraging nod. That seemed to do the trick.

“Then Shiro went missing. “ His fingernails found the place they had been digging in earlier and continued their work.

“It tore our team apart. I became the leader and…was utterly useless.”

“Keith…” Veronica interjected. That line of thought, while relatable, was not a healthy one. Sam, Shiro and Coran had to tell her, it seemed Keith needed someone to tell him as well. But before she could do so, the man cut her off.

“No. I rushed into combat without my team. We couldn’t even form Voltron. We literally couldn’t. It wasn’t the same without Shiro.” His voice grew shaky at the end.

“I lost another important person in my life. The only one who truly stood by my side and believed in me in a world where everyone saw me as some sort of problem.” He gripped his arms a bit tighter and Veronica grew worried about his nails breaking skin.

“I wouldn’t have…I don’t think I would have been able to pull myself together and actually try to lead instead of just running away from my problems and friends if it weren’t for Lance…” He let his arms fall to his side. His eyes were fixed on the tile he was standing on.

“Now Shiro is back in Black. Allura is doing a fantastic job in Blue. And I am the red paladin once more. It’s great, right?” He kicked the wall, gaining the attention of a nurse further down the hallway.

“Without Shiro, it doesn’t feel like Voltron. Without Allura it wouldn’t feel like Voltron. And without Lance…it doesn't feel like Voltron either. Ever since Shiro disappeared…we’re just broken. And… I know-“ his voice cracked.

“I know, I shouldn’t let it get to me like this. I mean, I got Shiro back, that is what I wanted, right? And Hunk is Lance’s best friend and Pidge sees Lance like a brother so…I shouldn’t…I should just get my shit together. But…”

Keith looked at his right hand that was curled into a shaking fist. Inside the room, Lance shuddered and turned around once more.

“The red paladin is Voltron’s right hand. So how come I had to lose mine?”

Veronica didn’t know how to respond. She could only sympathize and listen.

“We’re supposed to be there for each other.” His head snapped to her as he raised his arms, gesturing at nothing but his own frustration.

“How are we supposed to do that now, huh?!” he shouted. The nurse threw them a warning look.

“Keith.” Veronica laid her hand on his arm to stop an oncoming outburst that could disturb any patients or staff members. The nurse threw one more look into their direction and then left behind another door. The young man deflated under her touch, shaking his head in shame.

“We had a bonding moment. I cradled him in my arms. He said he didn’t remember. I didn’t believe him. It’s Lance, he probably just wanted to tease me.”

Keith balled his hands to fists.

 “Now he really doesn’t remember. And the moment is gone. Just like that.”

Veronica could see how he was trying his best to not lash out at something, no matter how hard he tried to conceal it. He had already turned away from her to head for the door when she told him to wait.

“It’s not all gone. Not as long as you remember.”

Keith stopped in his tracks, huffed and resumed walking.

Inside the room, Lance woke up.

Chapter Text

“Well, that went surprisingly well.” Allura sighed beside Veronica on the way out of the conference room in which they had just won over the freed prisoners to join the Voltron coalition.

Two of the prisoners were of high rank among the resistance movement. It turned out that Allura did not even have to finish her speech of all the advantages and humanitarian motivations that came with joining. Their officer just needed a confirmation they were indeed the Voltron paladins which was not hard to do, considering they rescued them with five giant space lions, and then it was him who took the initiative.

Apparently, Voltron had gained popularity even in the orez quadrant. The entire group was adamant of assisting the coalition, although they did stress taking care of the Galra within their quadrant came before joining other missions alongside the rebels.

“I was nervous at first. Who would have thought they had already considered joining the coalition before we even met them?” Allura said.

“You definitely did not look nervous.” Veronica replied. Allura threw her a quick smile as she tucked a loose strand back into the bun.

“I guess the professionalism rubs off when I have someone so calm and collected next to me.” She said, her tone light.

“Nah, believe me, that is not how I felt either.”

Allura nodded in understanding, but the mood shifted together with the somewhat careful glances she suddenly threw left and right before leaning a bit closer.

“How do you feel?”

The question was sweet. Veronica guessed she should feel better knowing that Allura was checking up on her despite having to bear so much already. Although, right now, she wished to just have a break from feeling anything. Yesterday still took a toll on her. Every time she closed her eyes there was a picture of the man lying dead and cold on the ground burned into her inner eyelids. And once she started to truly think about the event, she was knocking over the first domino.

Memory after memory of all the things she witnessed in war came flooding in. All the things she knew would drain her purse for therapy sessions later on. It was a downward spiral she didn’t have the strength to explore now. Although deep down she feared she might never have the strength.

“I’ve felt better. I’ve felt worse.” She said. At least it was honest.

Allura nodded again.

“Just know that I am here for you. Whether it is for talking about…you know…or just hanging out. I’m here.”

Veronica had to say she was surprised. Allura had the tendency to hide behind the mask of a diplomat. Always a friendly acquaintance, never a friend. It took her a moment and a shy look forming on Allura’s face until she realized she forgot to answer.

“Thank you, princess.” She said in a rush.

“No, call me Allura.”

Oh she could definitely tell these people were Lance’s space family.

“Thank you, Al-“ The lights went off. The steady humming of the Atlas’ engines stopped. All sound gave way to silence. A second later, chaos erupted.

Around them, the other people immediately sprang to action, rushing to wherever they needed to be in case of an emergency while some yelled out commands. Veronica’s hand was on her gun before it was on a communicator. Allura wasted no time to contact the bridge.

“Bridge, report! Is everything all ri-“

A groan crackled through the comms.

“Shiro?” Allura exclaimed, panic rising in her voice.

“I told you not to touch that!” the man shouted.

“I swear, Slav, I will throw you off a bridge, I mean this bridge…” he groaned again.

“I will throw you out of this room if you-“ The power went on again. Somewhere, distorted by the communicators, there was a distressed voice mumbling on the other end of the connection.

“I just don’t know all these weird letters on all these weird buttons.” It said.

That was all Veronica needed to know. She and Allura locked eyes.

“Slav…” they sighed in unison. Who else could it be.

“I better check up on him.” Allura mumbled.

“Wouldn’t want Shiro to throw him out of the airlock next.”

“You wouldn’t?” Veronica joked, gaining a laugh from Allura in return.

“I’ll better come with you though. I wanted to return to the bridge anyway.”

“Well then let’s go- oh.” Allura stopped in her tracks, her glance fixed on Veronica’s arm.

For a moment every possible scenario speed ran through her mind. Did her wound start to bleed? Was there an intruder behind her? Then came the tuck at her sleeve. Veronica shrieked and whirled around ready to punch out the enemy’s guts.

In the last moment before her elbow made contact, her brain assessed the situation anew and thank God it did. Before her stood not an intruder, but a woman, half a head shorter than her, who was part of the resistance group she had just spoken to. If she remembered correctly then her name was Lia. Veronica sighed. If these situations became her new normal than she could bid her still healthy blood pressure goodbye.

Lia, equally startled withdrew her hands and immediately uttered an apology. That only made Veronica feel worse.

“Oh no, please don’t apologize, I was just a bit surprised, that’s all.”

The woman’s tense shoulders relaxed as she put on a smile that did not quite reach her eyes.

“No, the fault lies with me, I shouldn’t have touched you.” she said, staring holes into the floor.

Veronica was just about to reassure her another time when she suddenly looked up, determination written all over her face, chest slightly puffed out and fists clenched as if she was preparing herself for a speech.

“You- you are Veronica McClain?” she asked.

Veronica’s previously planned reply died in her throat. Did that alien know her? Should she know her? Veronica could not help but turn to Allura in hopes for some clarification, but the princess only shrugged.

“Yes, that is correct. Can I help you with something?”

“So, you are the sister of Lance McClain?”

“I-eh…” she trailed off. Internally, she slapped herself for not having spared a single thought about what to do when aliens asked about her brother. After all, Voltron was somehow known in this quadrant. Not known in any quadrant however, was Lance’s condition. The Atlas crew as well as the paladins took great care keeping it under wraps. Even back on earth all information about his disappearance as well as reappearance was classified.

“Y-yes…yes, I am.” She answered carefully, hoping that her hesitation would appear to be linked with how the woman had startled her and not with a desperate attempt at concealing the fact that Lance was sick without any cure in sight. Thankfully, it seemed to have worked for Lia somehow seemed to be more at ease after her answer.

If it weren’t for this look she threw her. Veronica couldn’t quite place it. Was it pity? Was it sorrow? Did she know Lance? How could she, who was she, why was she asking her this question, what does she want to do with that information? Veronica once more looked at the princess but Allura seemed as clueless as she was.

“Do you know him?” Veronica hated how small she sounded.

“Of course I know Lance McClain, who wouldn’t? He was chosen by two of the Voltron lions.”

Right. Yes, that was it. She simply heard of Voltron and was curious. So maybe the exhaustion of having been a prisoner until recently made curiosity look like…that…

“We owe him so much.” She continued.

Oh god, could this conversation get any worse? Veronica tried to think of ways how to cut it short. She had places to be. Places where she would not have to explain that her brother was no longer on the savior’s team. Beside her, Allura shifted her weight uncomfortably from one foot to the other.

“Yeah…he is a great guy. So, I have to go now…”

“Of course, I didn’t want to keep you from important work. I just-“

“No worries, you didn’t.” she interrupted the woman without even meaning to. Her feet just couldn’t help but to slightly back away already.

“I’ll tell him you think so highly of him though, he’ll be overjoyed for sure.” With that she turned around.

It should have been a semi polite way to end this encounter. Yes, it was a bit rude for Veronica to rush through this but the woman said she’d understand so how come that suddenly she gasped? Veronica swung around again.

“You…he…what?” the woman uttered.

Oh boy, did she say something wrong? Had she really been that rude? Oh please, don’t let this just now reflect badly on the newly formed fragile alliance, Veronica pleaded.

“I, I just said I will let him know…is that…not alright with you? If it is about seeing him yourself right now then I am sad to say that this is currently not a good time. Is…is that not why you came to me?” Veronica said, halting every now and then to go over her words and scan them for anything that might come off as offensive. The woman looked completely dumbfounded.

“No.”

…What? Did Veronica just hear that correctly?

“No, that is not…I…”

In a swift motion, the woman took a step forward and clasped her hands over Veronica’s. The action was so abrupt and so far beyond what she considered her private space for strangers that she almost lashed out. Almost. For what the alian said next, stole all the energy out of her body.

“I just came here to give you my condolences.”

In the background, Veronica could faintly hear Allura gasp.

“He was a great man. Without him I would have long perished under Galran rule.”

Veronica shook her head, she must have misheard because what her ears picked up just now didn’t make any sense.

“He was the spark to the flame for our resistance.”

Veronica shook her head once more, maybe she could shake away all these words. Were her ears not working properly?

“And a gifted speaker. His words moved millions.”

No, stop. None of that was making sense. She was lying. No, she was confused. This was about another Lance. Another McClain. No, she was messing with her. Why would she do that? How could she do that?

“He-“

“STOP!” Veronica screamed.

All around them bystanders froze. She ripped her arms free and staggered back three steps, fearing she would suffocate should she stay in that position any longer. But even then, the distance between the two was too little.

“I-“

“Stop. He isn’t…he can’t be…”

He was right here with them. Broken, yes, but he was here. Alive. That alien was lying, or she was just misinformed, that had to be it. There was no physically possible way that Lance was permanently gone. If something absurd like that did indeed happen, then surely she would have felt it. She was the sister, there must have been something that indicated her brother was no longer here with her, right? A sudden feeling of coldness. Or shock. Perhaps even loneliness. Something, anything, that would tell her he was gone the moment he breathed his last breath.

But didn’t she already feel a deep despair whenever she visited him in the infirmary? Was there not a stubborn sadness bound to his name now? The voices of doubt whispered in the back of her mind. She shut them down. Whether or not she felt a hole in her heart where her brother once had been, her eyes could still very much see him. Just this morning she had visited him in the infirmary. Just this morning she spoke with Keith about him.

So how come I had to lose mine? Keith’s words echoed in Veronica’s mind.

But they didn’t lose him yet. There was still hope, because he was here. He had just been a little bit sick and now they need only figure out how to help him and he would be laughing about some stupid joke he told himself in no time.

“You must be misinformed. My brother is alright. He is fine. He is right here on this ship.”

 Somewhere along those lines she had started to choke up a few laughs. This situation was a huge misunderstanding, after all, one they would laugh about later when they could look at all this in hindsight. So why wasn’t Lia joining her in the awkward laugh. Why did she not breathe a sigh of relief? She just found out her hero was alive! She should be celebrating. She should be happy. She should apologize for giving her such a shock!

Veronica turned to Allura. She must understand how mental it was to claim Lance had perished and oh look, she did. The princess was so perplexed by the situation she could not even speak despite her mouth opening and abruptly closing again. She was so stunned, in fact, at how outrageous this all was that she looked at Veronica like she had seen a ghost.

“He is right here with us, is he not, Allura?”

The princess didn’t say anything. That was understandable, Veronica assumed, she must still think how insane that woman was to bring up such a horrendous lie! It was only mildly unsettling that she had to go into shock while looking at Veronica and not the cause of this huge misunderstanding.

“Right?”

Allura still did not say a word. That was okay though, she just had to process that Lance was not dead and still here. Because if he were, then it was Veronica who had to admit herself to the Atlas’ infirmary and that would be absolutely crazy. She wasn’t mad after all. She wasn’t seeing things.

“Right?” she asked again.

“I-“ Allura stuttered before going quiet.

That was odd, Veronica had to admit. But it was okay. It was all okay because Lance was alive and well and right here with her and she was not insane and making up her deceased brother. She wasn’t. She went to the infirmary to check up on him…she went to the infirmary because of him…

…she went to the infirmary…

No, that was stupid. There was nothing wrong with her, there was something wrong with that alien.

“I saw it.” The woman ripped Veronica out of her spiraling thoughts.

“I saw how it happened.” Her voice cracked.

“We all did.” The officer said as he joined the two.

Lia had already been too much for Veronica but having the officer of the resistance here as well was beyond what she could handle. So she did the one thing she could think of in that moment. She bolted.

It was reckless to run away with her eyes closed, but she really could not care less. And if she bumped one or two people on the way out, so what? And if she let out a broken cry when her arm scraped against the wall, so what? What did it matter? What did all of them matter when the one person she had joined the Galaxy Garrison for was gone?

Veronica collided with something standing right in the middle of the door frame that send her flying onto the ground. In a way the harsh impact knocked some sense back into her brain. She looked up at the man standing in front of her, an apology on her tongue. The figure came into focus and Veronica swore, her heart stopped beating for a second. The apology stuck in her throat.

“It can’t be.” That cursed Lia suddenly appeared behind Veronica, sending another shock wave through her body that had it jump up in an instant.

“No, this…this is impossible.” The officer mumbled.

Lance took a staggering step forward, one hand holding his head.

“He is-“

“Lance, you are alright.” Veronica interrupted them. She gave him a quick, loose hug and took care of letting go before he would scream.

“Wait.” She stepped back and scanned his brother’s face as if all the answers of the world would lie there.

“How did you even get out?”

Now Allura appeared at her right side.

“The black-out must have disabled the locking system.” She said, bewilderment not yet having left her voice.

Lance did not react, as expected. What was not expected, however, was the other alien woman pulling her back a few steps.

“What are you-“ Veronica trailed off.

The woman stood in front of her, her hand still clasped firmly around Veronica’s arm, almost as if she was shielding her from a threat. Lance grabbed his head tighter, mumbling his usual mantra of forgetting something.

“Let me go, that is my brother.”

Lia did not relent.

“I have heard about this only in myths.”  She took yet another step back, taking Veronica with her. Her voice wavered in complete contrast to how sure she had sounded before. It made the pit in Veronica’s gut only grow.

“Sometimes, when the darkness quells out of the abyss and the gods weep, mind, soul and body are ripped apart in death.”

Veronica’s vision swam and tilted awkwardly to the side. She fought the dizziness. This was no time to faint.

“Not every piece makes it to the other side.”

In her mind she counted her breaths, hoping it would slow them down, but she’d always lose track of them after three futile attempts at gasping for air.

“The quintessence anomalies…” Allura mumbled under her breath.

The pieces slowly fell into place, revealing a horrifying picture. One so vile, Veronica could not bear looking at it.

“N-no.” she said between the first two quiet sobs but doubted anyone could hear. Everyone’s attention was directed solely on Lance.

“One is supposed to pass on as the person you were.” The woman continued.

“And now the parts of you still roaming the world of the living are reaching towards death’s door while those already passed reach back to a world behind closed gates.”

Veronica’s arm fell out of the woman’s grip.

“You need to move on.”

Lia spoke to Lance but the words pierced through Veronica’s heart all the same. How could she? There was so much they still wanted to do. So much she wanted to tell him once he was better. He couldn’t just leave without saying goodbye!

Lance lifted his head, his hand now awkwardly hovering mid-air beside it. He glanced through her with the cold, haunting stare Veronica could never get used to. The words were insane and yet there was no denying how eerily well they fit. Lance’s lips were moving but Veronica could not hear him speak. It was hard to hear anything beside the blood pulsing through her head.

She wondered when the last time was she heard him talk as the Lance all of them knew and loved. She wondered what his last words were. The realization that she would never know hit harder then expected. Veronica distantly felt her legs give out but Allura sprang to her side before she could fall.

She could not even remember what the last thing was he said to her. All there was when she thought back, was the shadow of a person that once was Lance. The same shadow that now somehow stood in front of her, defying death itself.

“You need to remember.”

Finally, it dawned on Veronica.

Her brother was suffering. And her brother was gone.

It was time to let him go.

The woman took a deep breath, stepped forward into the circle of onlookers that had formed around them and began to talk.

“You are Lance McClain of planet Earth, born into a family of six. You love them and your friends above all else. No risk is too high if it means the slightest chance at keeping them not only save but granting them a better life. And they love and adore you in return.”

“You are Lance McClain, paladin of Voltron and chosen pilot of the Blue and Red Lion. You flew into every battle against all odds, fighting for the universe to be free. You are a feared sharpshooter, your heart breaking under the memories of all the faces you shot. And yet you still picked up the weapon again and again for you knew if you hadn’t, even more innocent lives would be lost.”

“You are Lance McClain, founder of the resistance movement in the orez quadrant. After you stranded on our planet, you did not turn away from the injustices. You achieved what no one before had ever achieved. You initiated the first alliance of all planets within our quadrant. You brought them together under a joint flag. Your words touched the hearts of thousands if not millions and we carried them with us into battle.”

“You are Lance McClain and you were shot in the head during a speech.”

Lance’s hand fell to his side as his gaze slowly fixated on the woman.

“You are Lance McClain and you are dead.”

The room went so silent one could hear a pin drop. Yet it wasn’t exactly a pin that cut through the tension as it dropped to the floor. At first it was a singular crimson line, emerging from the hairline right above Lance’s right eye that made it’s way down to his chin from where the drop fell and burst on the ground. Then it was another. And another. Soon, Lance’s whole right side of his face was drenched in his own blood that came gushing out of a hole which slowly opened up beneath his now red locks.

It was a horrid sight but Veronica found the fear shaking her body ebb down, for underneath all the blood, she saw her brother. Not the shell he had been, not the shadow that stalked the ship’s hallways, but her brother. Lance’s gaze roamed around, from the bystanders, to Allura, to Lia and then finally to her. And then it happened.

He smiled.

It was as genuine, warm and slightly mischievous as it had always been before he left. And somehow, it was even brighter now that they saw each other. Truly saw each other.

Lance began to speak. It was only a whisper but the words resonated through the silence nonetheless. And even after years, Veronica would hold them close.

“I remember.”

And with that, Lance collapsed and burst into dust as he hit the ground.

He was Lance McClain and he would not be forgotten.