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Another show done, and this is my favorite one so far. I can thank Rui for the great show we all managed to put on. It’s well done and perfectly scripted. I have every reason to be happy.
But recently I haven’t been feeling so happy. For what reason? I can’t seem to put my mind on it. Maybe about Saki?
No it can’t be, Saki’s condition hasn’t worsened for the last month. She’s been fine. Maybe…
“Tsukasa? You look like you’re thinking.”
Oh, it's Rui.
“Yeah, I’m just wondering…”
“Wondering about what?”
“...Nevermind.”
I hope he doesn’t push it more, but he might anyway. He might be crazy, but I still love him. Isn’t everyone a little crazy?
“Okay..”
Emu and Nene were just finishing up the stage, so we’re all ready to go now. We do have another show the day after tomorrow, and another one next week, and two more coming soon, so it’ll be getting busy. So busy, in fact, I’ll barely have time now. I promised Saki to visit her, but recently I haven’t been able to.
“Take your time! It’ll be fine,” she said. “I know you have your own life, so try not to neglect it just for me. I understand if you can’t visit. It’s alright if you abandon me for a while.”
“I promise with all my stardom that I will never abandon you!” I told her, with confidence that has been slipping through my fingers ever since.
How do I get it back?
I need it now more than ever, in this trying time. I need to know that what I’m doing isn’t hurting her, because that’s not my intention. Also, what kind of star would I even be without my family? That’s just absurd, having stardom with nobody to rejoice with. I can’t just have a happy ending without her, because I would never forgive myself. I don’t think I’d deserve one at all.
But then again—do I actually deserve one right now?
I know my ego is pretty big. But there’s no harm in thinking about my life with my best interests in mind.
Is there?