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The train sways in the underground and its passengers along with it, like a tree and its leaves. Dozens of different lives, different tales. Different struggles and different reasons as to why they’re rushing, dreading, or excitedly expecting coming home. Yet the cold steel of the train doesn’t care even as the air inside gets heavy with the mingling breaths of the passengers. Its walls and seat will remember anyway, carrying the memories of every day and night in their wear and tear.
It’s getting late, the rush hour is about to hit, and Joshua is nervous. While looking out the window and seeing nothing but darkness is depressing in itself, knowing that soon masses of people will squeeze into the car and there will be barely any space to breathe does little to help the situation.
Fortunately Seungcheol knows him well enough and reads him like an open book. He steps closer to where Joshua is standing and snakes an arm around his waist. Joshua blinks up at him, gives him a tight smile. Pretends everything is alright even as his stomach twists with every second that the train gets closer to the next stop. It’s the one he dreads the most because it’s always the busiest.
He’s not usually like this, but he’s tired and it’s been a long day. So long and, honestly, shitty that they had to cut their date short because he wasn’t feeling well. The guilt adds fuel to his anxiety, even if he knows Seungcheol understands and doesn’t blame him.
“Just making sure you don’t trip and fall,” Seungcheol smiles at him, pulling him a little closer. Joshua knows what he’s doing, yet he just nods at him gratefully.
“We can get off and catch a taxi, if you want,” he offers quietly, but Joshua shakes his head.
“It’s just a few stops, I’ll be alright. Besides, the traffic will be terrible right now. It’d take forever to get home by car,” he argues and they both know Joshua’s right - it’s the reason none of them drove, after all, “But thank you, I appreciate the sentiment.”
Seungcheol pulls him closer still to hold him more firmly as the train arrives at the station and people begin pouring into the train. Joshua was right, the rush hour is here, and soon there is barely any space to stand. He’s forced to move closer to the door. He grabs onto Seungcheol’s clothes tightly, afraid to lose him even though he couldn’t move away if he tried. It feels like he can’t breathe. Like there’s not enough space. He can feel ghosts of strangers’ touch even if nobody really reaches out for him.
Joshua feels helpless and upset with himself. Usually he’s the one providing emotional support. He knows Seungcheol struggles with the tightly packed space more than he does, yet today he’s so thoroughly useless that he can’t help but feel even worse as a result.
And even so without a word, Seungcheol places both his hands on Joshua’s waist and carefully guides him against the divider separating the seats from the space in front of the doors. He pays attention to him and that he doesn’t trip or hit himself as he walks backwards, and he makes sure Joshua rests against the plastic divider comfortably. Though the cool surface feels nice in the heat that the mass of people created, it doesn’t feel good. Then Seungcheol stands directly in front of him, leaning closer until their foreheads touch for a moment.
“I got you. You’re safe. Don’t worry,” he murmurs before pulling away. He puts his hands on both sides of Joshua’s body, caging him in.
He’s all Joshua can see. He should feel even more trapped, but strangely he doesn’t. Looking into Seungcheol’s dark eyes, seeing his reassuring smile, he knows he’s right. Seungcheol will protect him. There’s not a lot of space between them, but that’s probably for the best. Joshua loosens his hold on his boyfriend, eventually allowing his hands to fall down and sneak into the pockets of Seungcheol’s hoodie.
“Thank you,” he mouths rather than actually says. It’d be pointless in the noise. Seungcheol understands anyway and leans in again to kiss Joshua’s forehead.
“Thank you for trusting me,” he whispers against the younger’s skin, so close and so familiar that Joshua knows what he’s saying.
They stay in this position for the rest of their ride and when the time comes for them to get off, Seungcheol guides Joshua out like he’s his bodyguard, not a boyfriend. Joshua takes the opportunity and teases him for it lightheartedly, even though his hand still trembles in Seungcheol’s. Maybe it is possible to fall for a person more than once.