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It’s surprisingly lonely without Felix. He still doesn’t necessarily feel guilty about it but he feels… mournful perhaps. He’s not sure why he thought Felix loved him, he made it quite clear.
Felix was the golden child, seen as perfect in every sense of the word. He was the smart one, the professional one, the loud one, the unachievable one.
Theo had been the scapegoat, the “mistake” that got yelled out for existing too loud. The dumb one, the emotional one, the quiet one, the bad one.
Felix had been a life line then, a stable factor that he clinged to. He shouldn’t have, it just hurt him more the longer he tried to hold on. Like a knife, the duller the blade gets the more the cut hurts.
He had cared about Felix, helped him, comforted him, loved him. And all for nothing, all for his brother to try to kill him.
It wasn’t even a good plan! He saw how last minute everything was, he saw how reliant he was on empty promises, he saw how easy it was to flip it on him.
That’s one of the things people don’t realize about him, he’s observant. He has mental notes on everyone he knows and people he doesn’t.
It might be a result of the Huxley household (it almost certainly is) but it’s good to know who’s most likely to help him or hurt him. To know who might believe him and who almost certainly won’t.
Felix had been a special case, it should have been obvious that he had it out for him. Maybe it was and Theo was just naïve when it came to his brother, maybe he was in denial that his brother could want him dead.
What kind of kid would be able to process something like that? What kind of kid could process anything that he’s gone through? Being hurt by people who are supposed to love him, people that he loved. It was to love them now, now that he understands that it isn’t normal.
One of them is dead now anyways and he doubts he’ll be able to get away with the same thing for his father. It doesn’t really matter, they’re both dead to him, and maybe that’s enough for now.