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It was Monday. It was Monday and she had spent all of Sunday picking apart Saturday. It was Monday and she was so glad that they shared the kiss that, really now that she thought about it wasn't a kiss, because it was the most effective way of shutting her brother up that she'd ever seen. But now it was Monday and her brother being stuck, gobsmacked in the doorway of her house wasn't funny anymore. Because it was Monday and their— really it was 2 seconds and she was 90% sure the boy was flipping her brother off while he sort of touched his lips to hers— but she stood by the fact it wasn't a kiss, not kiss didn't feel nearly as important as it should. It didn't feel nearly as important as their non kiss.
If they had kissed in his room before his father interrupted, she would consider that her first kiss. Consider that to be a big deal. But their not kiss at the end of the day that was simply a way to be a nuisance didn't weigh on her mind at all. That wasn't what she was going to consider her first kiss. It didn't count. Plus, she was too shocked to do anything but stand there like a brick wall.
So, in summary: Their kiss that happened to spite her brother wasn't a kiss, but the kiss that didn't happen that almost happened was important because it wasn't for anyone but the two of them. One was to be petty and the other one had feelings behind it. Very important distinction.
This was only highlighted by the fact that she didn't tell Chiyo about. . . Any of it. Said girl was currently chatting her ear off about her weekend and her failed attempts at finding something decent for Kusuo. Kokomi was, as always, the perfect friend and offered suggestions as to what she could get him. Chiyo was grateful and easily slipped into something that wouldn't weigh on her like a block of cement. Given talking about the boy brought up the memories and the feelings of their almost kiss. The almost kiss she wasn't thinking about because it didn't happen and therefore didn't matter.
He was caught up in the moment Kokomi, relax. He was probably just looking at your face. With his pretty purple eyes and that soft loving expression and nothing! And nothing! You made him his favorite dessert! Of course he was happy. Get a grip!
"Kokomi?"
"Hm?" Her response gave no indication that she had been completely lost in thought.
"So what do you think?"
Brief horror flashed over her face as she realized she had no idea what the girl was talking about, before it vanished completely. And imperceptible slip up to the average human.
"Well if you're asking me then you're not certain."
"That's the problem! But you're better at this sort of thing than me."
"You're not giving yourself enough credit Chiyo."
"You honestly think I'm good at English?"
She internally hissed at the fact that she let her mind wander so far from the conversation. Chiyo was not good at English.
"I think you have much to learn, but I think if you taught yourself how to crochet then you can teach yourself conjugations."
"Of course you say that, your grades are perfect! You aced our verbal pop quiz the other day."
"The thing that helps me is--" her heart leapt into her throat as she watched a head of pink hair enter the room out of the corner of her eye. She had never been more thankful they sat far away from each other. "Is, I," she tried to keep her focus on her best friend but as he passed by to get to his seat, she noticed for less than a second the colors pink, purple, green and blue on his wrist.
"Is? Come on Kokomi, I need to do well on this next quiz or my cram school is going to get even more annoying. I don't wanna add English on top of math and history."
She plastered on an easy smile and took the brunette's hands in hers. "Chiyo, you're worrying too much. Once you get the hang of things you'll be talking in English all the time. Honestly I can see you studying it in college."
"Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're my number one believer and biggest hype woman, that's great. But what's your secret!"
"It's not a secret. I just watch shows I'm English."
"That's it?"
She shrugged. "I watch English shows with Japanese subtitles and then slowly turn them off to see if I can still understand. Then I go back and rewatch the episode to see how well I did."
Chiyo slumped. "Easy you say."
Kokomi gave a light chuckle and idly listened to the girl vent as she tried not to fiddle with her own bracelet.
She had worn hers because she knew if anyone questioned she could laugh it off with a simple "I just wanted to see if I could do it!" And then people would sigh and wish they had bracelets she made, but it wouldn't be a big deal. She didn't think Kusuo would actually wear his, let alone to school. She wanted him too of course but, well, she thought she was fantasizing again. Making reality as she thought it should be and not taking it for what it was.
At least no one's noticed it y--
"Oo! Buddy, where'd you get that bracelet? It's so cool!"
Had she been drinking water she's sure she would have soaked the shirt of her uniform.
Thankfully the question also got her nosy friends attention so she could listen in without worry.
"It was a birthday gift."
She sighed in relief. A completely reasonable answer. Hopefully the topic of conversation will
"It looks handmade though."
She felt her heart stop as she realized her friend was no longer leaning on her desk.
When did Chiyo get over there?!
In turn, she was forced to look in the boy's direction. She could pretty much hear the unsaid 'good grief' that was replaced with a mild glare.
"Why do you care?"
"Don't be like that Saiki. I'm just making friendly conversation."
You're being nosy! Get back over here.
"It is handmade, what about it?" His tone was flat as if he already predicted the way the conversation was going to go and didn't care for it.
"Well, you didn't have to wear it as a bracelet."
He just stared at her.
"I mean you could have used it as a bookmark or something."
That's what I thought he was going to use it as. I really can't believe he wore it to school.
Her cheeks burned and she was very glad no one was in front of her to see it.
That means he actually likes it though, if he wore it to school.
"A lot of time and effort went into it. It'd be rude if I didn't use it the way it was intended for at least a little while."
Chiyo wanted to rebuttal with something, but her words ran dry and she just shuffled back to her seat.
Good, that could have gone badly.
She glanced over to the boy, green lenses hiding his eyes once again. But, for less than a second, she saw him look back.
The teacher entered right at that moment and she was never more thankful to start the school day.
---
She was avoiding him, which she considered to be fair after everything was said and done. Thankfully he hadn't garnered any more attention from the bracelet than their immediate friend group, but as a precaution she made sure her bracelet was hidden for the rest of the school day. Then she simply made sure not to wear it again anywhere near him. No conclusions to be drawn, no connections to be made, if there was no evidence that is.
She did feel a little bad about avoiding him, but she was careful about it. It was just that being around him reminded her of their not kiss, and their not kiss made her think about the implications and thinking about the implications only made her depressed because she was good at rationalizing. They were friends and Saiki clearly wasn't interested in dating. She'd heard Aiura ask him out on a date and he hardly acknowledged her. So it was obvious that there wasn't anything there, other than what she was deluding herself into believing.
At the end of the day, the whole thing made her head hurt if she thought about it too long. It was truly in her best interest to take a step back and stop engaging with him. This way she could put her head on straight. She was a perfect pretty girl. She was desired, fought for, chased, wooed, all of it. Not the other way around. All she was succeeding in doing by thinking about all of this was making a fool of herself and a perfect pretty girl was not a fool.
"Kokomi? Are you coming?"
Chiyo was searching her face as she asked again if she would sit with their friends at lunch. But he was there.
"Ah, just a sec." She pitched her voice a little louder. "I forgot to pack a lunch today, so I need to wait in line."
A chorus of "I'll pay!" With yen in hand separated her from the brunette.
She'd have time to feel guilty about blowing off her friends later.
"Oh, you're all so kind!" She smiled. A second chorus of "oh wow!" Sounding out at her words and face.
She tensed as she could almost feel the eyes on her. She knew what those eyes looked like when they weren't hidden behind green lenses.
She ignored the feeling as she let herself be dragged along to the lunch line.
Stop thinking about it.
She chastised herself and snapped back to reality as someone asked what she wanted for lunch.
The thing was though, she couldn't stop thinking about it. That's the whole problem with not thinking about something. It only makes you think about it more. It's why she was standing in the rain like an even bigger idiot than she thought herself capable of being.
The idealized plan in her head had been simple: Go to his house. Clear the air. Laugh about the situation (alone). Go home and never think about the situation but in the comfort and safety of her own mind when everyone else was asleep.
She got as far as halfway to his house before she couldn't do it. A week had officially passed and she was still paralyzed by something that didn't even happen. Chiyo's frantic call asking about whether or not the cardigan she had gotten him would be something he actually liked didn't help her mental state, but the guilt she had been putting off caught up to her, so she allowed herself to sit with her discomfort.
Discomfort she continued to sit with as the rain started coming down. Discomfort that continued to wrap around her like a second skin. Discomfort that was quite literally raining on her parade as her perfect outfit was ruined by the sudden change in weather.
Bright yellow sundress, knee high socks and heeled strapped shoes seemed ill fitting now.
She only had the briefest moment of clarity to at least try and hide from the rain, which landed her under the streetlight. The streetlight that had been off when she initially went to stand under it. The streetlight that was now on as she began to shiver in the dreary weather.
The (ir)rational part of herself that was used to everything going her way told her to get out of the rain and talk to him. The ir(rational) part of herself told her to go home since she clearly couldn't handle the situation she had found herself in and needed to regroup.
She didn't listen to either part and stayed standing in the rain.
This wouldn't be happening if he was any other guy.
She huffed into the humid air.
Her shoulders slumped as she clutched onto her bag.
I wouldn't have noticed him if he were any other guy.
She felt like crying all of a sudden, the heavy clouds mirroring her feelings as they threatened to downpour.
She screwed her eyes shut, trying to force her tears not to fall. So a little forgiveness feels like it should be afforded for not screaming at the cleared throat to her left.
She did still stumble backwards and away from the sudden noise, preparing herself to run in the event that it was someone unsavory, but she was left with her heart twisting instead.
There he was. Standing right next to her. Light purple cardigan draped around his shoulders, green glasses somehow not streaked from the rain, and vibrant pink hair only dulled as a result of the gray weather.
She opened her mouth to speak, but her eyes caught on the blue umbrella in his hands. She blinked at it several times before looking back at him.
The "here" motion was going unsaid.
She shook her head to snap herself out of her pity party. It only had room for one and now that there was another person, she'd have to put the festivities of, crying alone, eating ice cream, wearing the most comfortable clothes she owned, crying into her pillows and cuddling her cat on hold. Very rude of him now that she thought about it. Showing up to a party uninvited.
"Ah," she cleared her throat at the rasp that came out instead of her usually angelic voice, internally wincing, "I don't need that. Thank you though, that's kind."
She watched the eyebrow on his face rise all the way into his bangs and it made her bristle.
"I'm not far from home and you are, so, it's fine." She plastered on one of her plastic smiles to try and get him to drop the issue.
"You'll catch a cold." He responded plainly.
Somehow him talking was more irritating than him just standing there. Quite the conundrum.
"I have a very strong immune system." She'd already gotten sick this year after all.
"You were sick for 2 days."
Some muscle in her face twitched.
Relative to the average person, that's hardly anything!
"Really, I'll be fine." She insisted again. Taking the umbrella would mean brushing hands. And the second the umbrella was exchanged, it would start pouring rain. And then of course since she was a good person, she'd have to offer the umbrella to him so they could stand under it together. The forced proximity along with the backdrop of the rain would lead to something else not happening because they would certainly get interrupted, so she absolutely could not take that umbrella.
"If my mom found out I'd left you in the rain, she'd turn me into a rain jacket."
She could believe it, but she still wasn't going to take the umbrella.
"You don't have to tell your mother you saw me. Problem solved."
"She'll know."
Her smile was twitching at the edges. "I'm sure she won't."
"She always does."
"I really don't think she will."
Saiki sighed. "Good grief, just take it. There's nothing wrong with it."
"I never said there was."
She had the urge to take it from him, but that would be crossing into territory she refused to step into.
With a huff, Saiki opened the umbrella clearly intending to set it on the floor, only to find it broken.
". . ."
". . ."
"It's full of holes." She slapped a hand over her mouth as the words left her without thinking.
He looked up at her and then back down at the umbrella, closing it with clear frustration.
Setting the umbrella on the floor, he started to unbutton his cardigan.
"Saiki, wait, stop. You don't have to give me your cardigan. It looks brand new and I'm really okay!"
"You're shivering." He grumbled, not actually stopping his attempts.
Panic flashed through her like lightning. Silent, quick, and forcing you to momentarily freeze. Then, just like thunder, she reached out.
She grabbed his arm to stop him and he made eye contact with her. She flinched her hand away, but held his gaze.
"I insist."
Several moments passed as the soft drizzling came down a little harder.
"So do I."
She didn't have a rebuttal to that, so she just watched him unbutton his cardigan with great care and then slip it off his shoulders to hand it to her.
Her eyes caught on the bracelet she made and her stubborn heart skipped a beat.
When she didn't take the cardigan, he studied her face until his eyes caught on what she was staring at. He shifted the cardigan to block the bracelet still on his wrist.
"You're wearing it." Of course he is! You made it! And everything you make is beautiful and perfect.
She wanted to cringe away from her artificial, cheery and too loud thoughts.
He gave a soft sigh and folded back his sleeves.
"Kaidou said it was important."
She couldn't decide if she wanted to hug the delusional boy or throttle him.
"Did he say why?" She cursed the meekness in her voice. She was supposed to be confident!
"Something about it being special and probably made with me in mind because it's handmade."
I don't know about special. . .
She fiddled with the bag in her hands until he stepped closer. She startled back a step again and he stopped moving.
"Sorry." She murdered, stepping forward to stand where she had been before.
He glanced away for a moment. She could see the smallest sliver of purple behind the green.
His head turned back and she forced her gaze beyond him.
Slowly, the heavy material was placed on her shoulders.
"I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable."
She flinched, near imperceptibly. "What?"
"By kissing you in front of your brother. Not that it was a kiss."
"Like you said, it wasn't a kiss so you don't have to apologize." She busied herself with actually putting on the cardigan instead of thinking about how quickly she agreed with him.
He was staring at her again.
Ugh! Why does he do that? I feel like he's looking right through me!
"I mean, I should be thanking you. It got him to shut up for 2 days." Her lips thinned as she thought about how annoying her brother had been for the other 4. "It would have been nice if it lasted longer." She mumbled.
"I don't feel guilty about not being sincere then."
That startled her into looking at him. The glare on his face surprised her.
"You," his eyes flicked back to her, expression shifting back to neutrality, "you don't like my brother?"
He was quiet for a breath. Then two.
"Not particularly."
She wanted to smile because it was a relief to hear that. But they were just friends and she could only defend a friend so far before Makoto tried to get their parents involved.
She buttoned up the cardigan.
"I should go. It's late."
"I can walk you home."
She shook her head. "Thank you, but no. If Makoto sees you again so soon I'm pretty sure he'll try to get a restraining order on you."
"He can try."
She giggled but shook her head to cut the action short. "Let's not test that theory."
She gave him a brittle smile as she tried not to think about how the cardigan already smelled like him.
"I'll give this back to you on Sunday."
"You can give it back to me at school."
"I wouldn't want to cause a scene. Give people the wrong idea and all." Her joke landed flat.
She needed to leave. She was embarrassing herself.
"I'd rather you confront me about it."
Her shoulders launched to her ears. She had already turned around. She didn't need to stop. Didn't need to look at him. But she did.
His arms were crossed and his face was. . .
Why's he?
"I'm not following." She tried politely.
"Saturday."
The very word made all the air rush out of her lungs.
"It is Saturday, yes. And it's late which is why I should be getting home and you should be getting home." She turned him around and tried to push him away. "You're probably very busy tomorrow and I don't want my brother to worry so we should both be on our way!"
It was like trying to push a brick wall.
Her brows furrowed but she smoothed out her expression by the time he turned back around.
She hugged herself. "You were just thanking me for the coffee jelly and the bracelet. I was wearing makeup that day, so your eyes just caught on my blush." She swallowed. "Nothing more."
The irritation flashed on his face again. It was a quick down turn of his eyebrow and a thinning of his lips. A blink and you'll miss it expression, clearly created from years of suppressing the emotion. Something she was familiar with.
"Right." He turned away on his own accord this time. "Tell your brother to stop being so protective. You're your own person."
Kokomi's heart was racing. The rain started to come down a little harder; drops were coming down instead of the occasional drip.
He was angry, but that expression was easy. Explained away in body language. That's not why her heart was racing. Why her brain was flat lining, because anger on its own isn't amusing. Isn't curious. Is hardly worth noting in a situation like this.
She had avoided him all week and he clearly noticed. He had every right to be angry and hurt about that. Anyone would.
But he wasn't just angry.
She'd only seen it once before, but once was enough. Disappointment was laced in his body language, screaming louder than anger. Hands almost clenched in a fist, shoulders slumped instead of tensed, face turned away instead of at her.
Studying him so long told her he barely even registered the emotion, but here he was, expressing it.
But that meant.
"Get home safe." Practically a demand.
But that meant.
She reached out slowly, time seeming to move like syrup.
But that meant.
Screw it!
She grabbed his arm again and he turned back to look at her. Irritation bleeding into confusion.
Not giving a moment to second guess herself, she took a step to close the distance between them, rising on her tip toes as he did and leaned forward to kiss him. At some point between stepping forward and closing the distance, she closed her eyes.
It was such a quick moment, heart hammering even harder when she pulled away.
The feeling of being under a microscope was something she was used to, but it never felt so oppressive before and even that description wasn't right. She wasn't being studied like a scientist, she was being watched like prey. His eyes watching and catching every movement, no matter how small.
Her body was making the decision for her in the "fight, flight, or freeze" department when the balls of her feet landed on the floor just in time to keep her grounded.
In hindsight, Kokomi never really imagined what it would be like to kiss him. She let herself pretend, but in the fantasy, it was always just a kiss. She'd seen it happen in movies, read it in books and watched it happen in front of her in real life several times. But she had no real basis. No true understanding of what it would be like to kiss someone.
But it wasn't fireworks or something slotting into place. The world didn't slow down or feel like it was drifting away.
The tension slipped out of her as she found herself kissing back, eyes fluttering closed as a hand came to rest on her hip.
His lips were soft as they moved against hers and more confident than seemed warranted, but she wasn't upset.
He pulled away from her, face as open as when he was eating dessert. Uncertainty etched onto every part of his face with a slight blush on his cheeks.
It's no wonder, her face was probably beet red.
Ah, and that was a hand on her lower back.
"Kokomi?"
Too much!
She felt her body go limp as steam practically radiated off of her.
Wait, I'm too young to die!
Snapping back to herself and seeing a very concerned expression on the boy's face she tried to recover.
"Your cardigan is very warm."
Something like a glare and pout made its way onto his face. "Yeah, the cardigan is the reason you just fainted."
She couldn't keep blushing or she'd faint again.
"Well it wasn't the kiss. That'd be illogical."
His mask of indifference slotted back into place as he stared at her.
"Since you seem so confident, you just have to kiss me again, don't you?"
We should really talk about this though. I doubt he's as competitive in real life as he is about videoga—
"I see what you're doing. But for the record, it didn't work."
She met him halfway, hand drifting from his arm to rest on his shoulders with the other one.
Ah, nevermind. This is much nicer than talking