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Severus' breath hitches when a drop of cold water hits the back of his neck. It beads down his spine, curling around the curves of his vertebrae. With every inch that it covers, his clothes tighten and his skin prickles.
He blinks away another drop.
His heart pumps against his chest, and somewhere in his left thigh, a vein pulses. His fingers dig into the fabric of his black cloak, but Severus can't suppress the tremble they carry.
"Seven minutes," he says into the wind.
He only has seven more minutes to walk before reaching Hogwarts.
He could run, but he can't. He can barely set one foot in front of the other. He can barely breathe . A band of rough cloth is wrapped around his torso, a knot holding both ends together and piercing into Severus' sternum. It hugs him tighter with each step.
He searches for his wand tucked inside his sleeve. Normally, a flick of the wrist is enough to retrieve it.
Normally.
But when it rains, nothing is normal anymore.
Severus blinks again.
He only closes his eyes for a fraction of a second, but the images still flicker before his inner eye.
Thick drops of rain hitting the asphalt, gathering in small puddles that eventually merge.
Streets, empty of people, but covered in muddy water.
A large hand reaching for his arm.
Severus tries to walk faster.
In vain.
The rain intensifies, hammering harder onto the ground. A familiar ringing cuts through Severus' thoughts. He hunches his shoulders, trying to shield his ears from the sound. As though it were coming from somewhere beyond him.
The sound creates a vibration in his heart, and noises overlap in his head.
The splashing of water.
A rumbling so deep that the little hairs on his arms stand on end.
Shouting.
A scream.
Even more shouting.
Severus snaps back to reality. Every breath he draws is shorter than the previous one. Dark clouds are brewing over Hogwarts, contracting and expanding in random intervals. His heart beats in the same unsteady rhythm, and little sounds slip past his lips. He presses a palm over his mouth, stifling any noise he makes.
His hand smells sweet, the remnants of his honey soap still buried in the creases of his palm, but the heavy scent of the rain squeezes through his fingers, sneaking down his throat and settling in his lungs. He bites his lower lip, and his teeth draw blood. It tastes like iron.
He remembers that taste and chokes on the memory.
Chokes on water filling his mouth, dripping down his throat.
Threads of red dancing in front of his eyes.
They tasted like iron.
Severus gasps, ripping his hand away from his mouth and greedily breathing in the air.
He's not drowning.
The scent of the rain can't make him drown.
His teeth chatter.
An icy coldness spreads through him. His clothes cling to his body as if they're a second skin, as if they want to melt with his own skin. Severus shudders.
He peels his fingers off his coat and clenches them. His nails dig into his skin, and he hopes they won't cut through. The sharp pain dancing up his forearms grounds him, distracts him from his cold bones. His hair clings to his cheeks in thin strands, itching.
Itching, like his wet soles while wading through the knee-high stream of water.
Thinly covered shoulders hunched, pulled up to his ears, but still not keeping the cold away.
He doesn't want to remember.
"Father?" he screamed as the water around him piled up higher and higher. "Where are you?"
He couldn't swim, his clothes dragging him to the ground. Water filled his lungs.
Severus fumbles for his wand, clasping it with shaky fingers.
"Impervius." The charm only has four syllables, and Severus' voice breaks with the second.
He tries again. "Impervius."
Nothing happens, and the rain pours down on him.
Severus ran as quickly as he could through the muddy streets, dimly lit by sparse lanterns. "Anyone? Hello?"
The rain drowned out any noise.
Severus swallows down on the sob that has built in his chest.
And then lightning strikes.
A hundred yards away, a tree bursts into flames that are promptly drowned by the rain.
Severus' body locks in place. He doesn't breathe, he just stands there, frozen.
Fear claws its way up his throat; pure, unadulterated fear.
He can't even scream.
Severus crouched in a corner of the street, the water hadn't reached yet, arms wrapped around his drawn-up knees. A bolt of lightning lights up the house across.
The growl of the thunder follows a moment later. He screams.
The ground beneath his feet seems to shake. Deep rumbles vibrate in Severus' heart.
"Oi!" An unfamiliar voice echoed in the street. "Lad, what're ya doin' there? Where's yer parents?"
Severus uncurled slightly, peeking through his fringe at an old man.
"What's yer name?"
"Severus." Severus sniffs. "Yours?"
"Good day, Severus. I'm Norman," the man says. "Yer polite for yer age, ain't ya?"
Severus mustered a tiny smile.
Norman extended his hand. "Come on, follow me. I'll get yer somewhere dry."
"Norman," Severus whispers to himself.
Norman cared for him when no one else had, and no one else had cared for Norman either.
"Severus."
Severus blinks slowly.
Norman is dead. Who is calling his name so kindly?
Severus shakes his head.
No one is calling him.
"Severus!"
Severus' whole body recoils when a hand lands on his shoulder. The hand slips off, taking its warmth with it, and Severus comes face to face with Remus Lupin.
"Severus!" Lupin says roughly. "What are you doing here out in the rain?"
Severus is trembling, but he forces the words past his lips. "Re-returning to Hogwarts, what else?"
Lupin looks at him with dark eyes, forehead creasing. "Are you cold?"
"I'm fine." Severus rasps and wraps his arms around himself. The movement is slow and uncoordinated, his hands not landing on his waist but slightly displaced.
Lupin touches Severus' cheek and both flinch.
"What are you doing?" Severus wants to shout but merely whispers.
"You're freezing cold!" Lupin exclaims. "Why haven't you cast a warming charm?"
Severus' jaw clenches.
"No, the better question is, why are you wet?" Lupin sounds weirdly concerned. "Why haven't you cast an umbrella charm? Do you want to get sick?"
Severus presses his lips together, which only works somewhat well because his teeth are still chattering.
"Severus?" Lupin frowns, the corners of his mouth pulling down. "Are you alright?"
Severus scoffs, but no words leave his tongue. His whole body is strung like a bow. He doesn't want to snap.
"Severus?"
Severus doesn't want to hear his name. Not from Lupin's mouth.
Despite the fear burning under his skin, something tingles in his stomach, soft and exciting. He ignores the feeling and glares at Lupin with all his might.
"Usually that look would shut me up and probably make a couple of third years wet themselves, but you're completely drenched," Lupin says. "You look like a wet dog."
Severus tries to roll his eyes, but instead, he blinks.
"You're shaking," Lupin comments on the obvious.
Severus blinks again.
"Let me-"
Lightning interrupts Lupin, mere feet away, and menacing thunder follows immediately.
Severus screams, flinching so hard his foot catches on his wet coat and he tumbles.
Arms wrap around his waist, holding on tightly so he doesn't fall. His back is bent, and he stares up into Lupin's greenish eyes.
Lupin's face is clouded with worry and surprisingly pretty from up close. Severus bans that thought from his head as soon as it takes shape.
Merlin.
"Severus, are you afraid?" Lupin asks carefully, pulling him up.
Severus mutely shakes his head.
He's scared.
The fear coils itself around his wrists, up his arms and around his throat.
The rain echoes in his ears so loudly that he can barely hear Lupin.
"You are," Lupin says so disgustingly softly. "You don't have to be."
Severus' shoulders shake, and tears start to fall, pearling down his cheeks and mixing with the rain.
He's so cold.
"Let me take you home," Lupin says. "I'll cast a warming and drying charm on you, alright? Then, I'll cast an impervius to keep you dry, darkling."
Severus shudders.
Lupin whispers a long spell under his breath, and Severus can feel the water draining from his clothes and the warmth wrapping around him like a blanket. Only a few drops wet his dried hair before Lupin casts the protection spell.
Each step is hard as they make their way down the muddy way to the castle, but each one is easier than the last one.
Severus' heart doesn't calm, nor does his breath. It puffs out in quick, shallow bursts, but at least he's breathing.
The moment they set foot on the cold stone of Hogwarts, Severus inhales. Air fills his lungs, and when he exhales, every last drop of water falls away. Lupin guides him by the elbow, and Severus realises belatedly that they are heading to Lupin's quarters, not his own.
He is sat on a cosy little couch in Lupin's living room, and Lupin bustles around the open kitchen, boiling milk and adding heaps of chocolate. Two mugs in hand, he returns and sits next to Severus, so closely that their knees are touching.
"Here." He hands Severus one and blows on the other. "Hot chocolate. Perfect for a day like this."
Severus sniffs, and it smells good . He hesitantly takes a sip, but what can he lose?
He's already lost his dignity.
He moans when the chocolate hits his tongue - bitter and heavy, not sweet at all.
It's perfect.
"Thank you, darkling," Lupin says, and his cheeks tinge red.
Severus' eyes widen. "Did I say that out loud?"
Heat crawls up his neck when Lupin nods. Mortified, he places the cup on the little coffee table in front of them.
Lost dignity or not, he cannot reveal his emotions as well. But he already has.
"Relax," Lupin says. "You don't have to talk. Just drink that hot chocolate and relax."
Severus gives him a curt nod and goes back to sipping his cocoa.
The warmth of the hot chocolate travels down his throat, past his lungs and into his stomach. Severus curls in on himself, breathing evening as the heat spreads.
He's no longer soaked; there's in fact not a drop of water on him. He's no longer cold; instead, he might even begin to sweat in his thick coat.
"Thank you," he says quietly.
"There's nothing to be thankful about," Lupin says. "I'm your friend."
Severus doesn't scoff. His heart skips a beat.
He can't even deny Lupin's claim. He's voluntarily been brewing an incredibly difficult and expensive potion for Lupin's health for months . They've been having almost civil conversations for weeks, and only days ago, Severus had invited Lupin to his personal quarters.
"I'm sorry," Lupin says. "That you're afraid. Next time, I won't let you go alone."
Severus stares at him, into those disgustingly pretty eyes and hopes it's the truth.
"May I kiss you?"
Severus freezes at Lupin's request.
"You- you don't have to say- " Lupin stutters, but Severus interrupts him.
"You may."
The smile that follows lights up the room, pushing all thunder and lightning away until only a clear sky remains.
Lupin's lips are thin and rough, but they're kissable. They are bitter, and Severus swallows down the taste, so that it'll reach his heart.
The tension drains from his body; sunlight clears the darkness, and he sways in the warm wind.
He isn't drowning.
He's flying.