Chapter Text
Sometimes you wondered if you were put on this earth for God’s amusement. Did the big guy upstairs enjoy watching a bumbling, blustering idiot traverse his way through life via one embarrassing situation after another? Probably. You know you would.
Currently, you were hiding out in the coat closet of a stranger’s house. You thought about the timeline of events that had to transpire for you to end up here. You took way too many units this semester which meant you had to work fewer hours at your job. Since you worked fewer hours, you made less money. Instead of saving up what little funds you had, you depleted your bank account to buy new art supplies because that shit ain’t cheap. Unfortunately, this meant that there was little money left over for things like groceries. Which is why you decided to crash this party.
You didn’t really plan to become a party crasher, but when you were walking home from a late class your nose caught the scent of something absolutely delicious and your ears perked up at the sound of the thundering bass. You knew you wouldn’t be able to stomach another night of mediocre ramen noodles, so you resolved to go in, get some food and beer if they had any, and then leave.
It wouldn’t be the first time you did this. College parties, unless you were in a top tier fraternity or sorority, didn’t exactly have bouncers keeping strangers out. Most of the time the party goers didn’t even bat an eyelash when you walked in. All you had to do was pretend that you were invited and most people just assumed you were allowed to be there.
So you had walked up to the front door and walked in like you belonged when you realized that you potentially made a huge mistake.
See, it wasn’t a run of the mill college party that you walked in on, oh no. The second you walked through the door you saw that the house was filled wall to wall with monsters of various shapes, sizes, and colors. A lot of them were dancing, some were drinking, there were a few socializing off to the side. It was…a regular party. But with monsters.
You knew that you would probably stick out like a sore thumb if you stuck around, but you could see a few other humans here and there, so you chose you risk it. Besides, monster food had crazy energy replenishing qualities, which you could really use. So you put on your best smile and made your way over to the snacks and drinks. A few of the monsters standing around were surprised, but were very welcoming to your presence.
“Here, have some popato chisps.”
“Try a starfait!”
“No, no, if you want to have a good time you need to down a Sea Tea!”
It was almost comical how your new monster buddies fussed over you. Much like how humans became fascinated with monsters when they came to the surface, monsters found an equal fascination in humans. You knew from experience that there were often residual effects from eating too much monster food, and monsters thought it was hilarious to see how humans reacted to it.
You munched on the popato chisps. They tasted almost exactly the same as regular potato chips, but like with all monster food, eating them created a magical spark in your mouth, something similar to eating pop rocks. It was weird, but not unpleasant.
After a few more chisps and a shot of sea tea (which was more or less like drinking water straight from the ocean – cold, salty, and filled with seaweed) you felt pretty content. Another benefit to eating monster food: it was surprisingly filling. You left the snack bar, intending on leaving, but the ghostly DJ started playing a remix of your favorite song. You hesitated, but decided it wouldn’t hurt to stay for a few more minutes.
One song and a few more minutes turned into dancing for nearly an hour. Much like your foodie monster pals, the monsters on the dance floor all welcomed you to the party. You danced with them until your feet started to hurt. Quickly excusing yourself, you moved to a quieter part of the party – a hallway off to the side – to take a breather. You knew you should probably leave soon because someone was going to realize you weren’t invited.
“hey pal.”
You jumped and let out a small squeak. You turned to see a skeleton in a blue hoodie, hood up, hands in his pockets, leaning up against the wall. You placed a hand on your heart to try and calm yourself. “Hi,” you greeted in return.
“not used to seein’ your kind at these kinda parties and i’ve been to a ton,” he paused, “a skele-ton.”
You blinked. Was that a pun?
“gotta ask then, how d’ya know papyrus?”
You didn’t really know what a papyrus was, but you assumed that they were the host of the party. You knew you were stuck in a bit of a mess now. You were much too embarrassed to admit that you were just a party crasher, so you blurted the first thing that came to mind, “I’m, uh, I’m dating their brother.”
The skeleton just stared at you. Crap, you thought to yourself, does this papyrus even have a brother? Did I totally mess up? I should’ve just said I was friends with someone who came goddamn it.
But then he gave you an easy smile. “oh, didn’t know pap’s bro was datin’ someone.”
You breathed a sigh of relief and said, “Yeah, we’re keeping it on the down low for now.”
The skeleton hmm’d. “is it cuz he’s a monster?”
“What?! No! Of course not! I’m not, um, I’m not ashamed of dating a monster. Who cares these days anyways? Lots of humans date monsters now.” You knew you were digging yourself into a very, very big pit of no return.
“good, cuz he’s a pretty swell guy. when’d ya start datin?”
You really wished he would stop asking you questions. “Um, really recently.” You started taking a few steps back. Maybe you could just excuse yourself quickly and make a beeline for the front door.
The skeleton’s smile widened, “how recently exactly?”
“Um, you know, it really isn’t any of your business,” you said, backing up a few more steps. “And now I really should be goi-” You bumped into something behind you. You turned around and was face to chest with another skeleton.
“OH, I’M SORRY FOR BUMPING INTO YOU,” he shouted down at you with a smile. He patted the top of your head, but then looked at you strangely. “I’M SO SORRY AGAIN, BUT HUMAN, I DO NOT RECOGNIZE YOU,” he glanced over at the smaller skeleton standing behind you. “BROTHER, DO YOU KNOW HIM?”
You felt a bony arm slide around your waist and now the blue hoodied skeleton was at your side. “yup, this is my boyfriend.”
Wait.
“WHAT?!” the tall skeleton exclaimed loudly. “HOW COULD YOU NOT TELL ME YOU WERE DATING SOMEONE?! HUMAN, I DEEPLY APOLOGIZE. IF I KNEW MY BROTHER HAD A BOYFRIEND I WOULD HAVE GIVEN YOU A PERSONAL INVITATION TO MY PARTY.”
“…s-so you…you’re Papyrus?” you asked meekly.
“THE ONE AND ONLY AND GREATEST,” Papyrus said boastfully. “YOU SIMPLY MUST JOIN US FOR DINNER. I WILL MAKE YOU SOME ARTISAN SPAGHETTI,” he paused and glanced at his brother, whose arm was still around you, “YOU HAVEN’T GIVEN HIM THE SPAGHETTI YET, HAVE YOU?” he asked in a loud whisper.
“nope.”
“GREAT. SO YOU COME BACK SOME TIME SOON AND I WILL MAKE YOU A WONDERFUL PLATE OF MY SILKEN SPAGHETTI,” Papyrus patted the top of your head again. “NOW I WILL LEAVE YOU TWO TO YOUR CANOODLING.”
Once Papyrus left, the smaller skeleton snickered at you. “did i not mention that i was the brother? didn’t know i was into humans.”
You were absolutely mortified. You tore away from the skeleton’s grasp and ran. Once out of sight, you ducked into a coat closet to recollect yourself. In hindsight, you figured you should have just ran out the front door, but you were afraid it would have caused too much of a commotion.
So here you are, inside a coat closet, wishing that the floor would open up and swallow you whole. Your entire face felt as though it were on fire and you could barely hear the music over your deafening heartbeat.
After sitting in the coat closet for another few minutes, you opened the door and slid out. A few monsters glanced in your direction and smiled knowingly. You cringed. Had Papyrus already told everyone here that you were dating his brother? You waved at them and made your way to the door.
With the knob within hand’s reach, you glanced one last time behind you. From across the room you could see the skeleton in the blue hoodie staring at you. He winked. You shook your head and left.
You decided never to crash another party again.