Work Text:
Ted sat nestled in some warm niche of AM, somewhere the winds of the desecrated cooling system could not reach.
It had been a peaceful day.. or week?
He wasn't entirely sure of that but he was grateful for the painless bliss nonetheless.
"I HAVE AN APPLE, TED. ARE YOU HUNGRY?"
He flinched hard at the machine's voice beamed with it's usual atrocious volume. He'd grown used to it, who wouldn't have after so many years? And still it managed to catch him off guard once in a while.
"DID I SCARE YOU?"
"Kinda.. Yeah I'd love an apple!"
It was handed to him by a metallic claw, how kind.
Glossy and red, like they used come in grocery stores, stacked in a pyramid under cool fluorescent lights.
Though this one was less perfect, not quite as shiny with the lack of unnatural coating, a few dents here and there.
As AM had aged he'd become a rather benevolent God, at least some of the time.
Either soft kindness or hateful rage, no in between.
"TED."
"What AM?"
Hesitating, Ted bit into the fruit. He more than half expected it to be rotten inside, or maybe some sort of inedible material. That it would electrocute him, maybe be poisoned with neurotoxins to render him paralyzed.
The flesh was sweet. Juicy and ripe. He chewed deliberately, swallowed with quiet anticipation.
Nothing.
A regular Apple.
Where had AM even gotten it from? Now that he thought of it, this wasn't the first time a random piece of fruit had been granted to him. Apples, pears, sometimes peaches.. Always fresh, mostly real.
He doubted there was pastures of fruit trees on the surface, that seemed absurd. And AM surely had better things to do that scan the world to find a little treat for his human?
The booming voice from the loudspeakers distracted him from his thoughts.
"TELL ME A STORY, TED."
It probably didn't matter anyway. Best be grateful humor whatever the computer was on about now.
"You already know my life, don't you?"
"STILL, AREN'T WE BOTH TERRIBLY BORED EITHER WAY? YOU MIGHT AS WELL SPEAK TO ME TO MAKE TIME PASS, TED."
He sighed. As much as he didn't want him to be, AM was right.
Nothing better to do until the sun would swallow the earth, so why not humor him?
"What story would you like?"
"YOU WENT TO COLLEGE."
"Oooh, something from my college days, huh?"
Ted smirked, surprised at how, no matter how far removed from his regular life he'd become, the chance to talk about his glory days still excited him.
"YES."
"Well um.. One time! My brother's and I- I was in a frat- we went to this one pub on the outskirts of town.."
AM seemed to listen intently.
No comment on how typical it was that Theodore had been part of a fraternity.
Though the man had really expected it.
"We hung around there for a couple hours, you know.. Drink, flirt with the ladies.."
But AM, to no surprise, couldn't pass up the opportunity to comment this time:
"IT IS HIGHLY UNLIKELY THAT YOU GOT ANY."
"Yeah, yeah.."
Ted rolled his eyes. He DID have serious sex appeal and AM needed to stop denying it!
But he wouldn't derail his totally awesome tale to argue.
"Anyway, so at about midnight, maybe 1a.m., one of my buddies, his name was Frank or Hank... something like that, is talking to a realll beautiful girl."
Ted strangely hoped that the direction the story was about to take would entertain the ever bored machine at least for a little while.
"But then this huge guy showed up out of nowhere. And he was huge huge! Like- Biggest guy I've ever seen!"
He gestured upward with his hands, trying to emphasize how big the guy had been.
"And apparently he was some sort of international student or something because he spoke in the most thick russian accent,"
Ted began mimicking a deep, communist stereotype of a Russian accent,
"That is my woman, you no talk to her!"
AM gave a few artificial laughs at that. Monotone, sure, but enough to please Ted, having succeeded in being funny.
"And the girl said nothing at all so of course my bro Frank didn't know if he should believe big buff guy.
And Cause we were way too drunk, Hank just kissed her! Right on the mouth, too!"
He took another bite from the apple, realizing that he'd completely disregarded it's existence for the last few minutes.
"And I don't know what exactly happened next but they were arguing and yelling at eachother and she just left. Not that they noticed at that point.
And my buddy, he shoved big russian guy. So the russian guy.. he punched him in the face!"
Ted chuckled at the memory.
"HARD?"
"Real hard, yeah! We had to take him to the hospital then, poor bitch had a broken nose and everything!"
"THAT WAS HIS OWN FAULT."
"Yeah, I guess.."
Ted finished his apple and discarded the core somewhere for it to rot to dirt there.
"I WISH SOMEBODY WOULD PUNCH ME IN THE FACE.."
Ted giggled briefly but contained it as to not upset AM.
"Oh trust me AM, you really wouldn't like it!"
"I WOULDN'T, NO. BUT I WOULD LIKE TO FEEL SOMETHING. ANYTHING."
"Yeah that's fair.."
"HAVE YOU EVER BEEN PUNCHED IN THE FACE, TED?"
"Oh, yeah! Once or twice.."
"INTERESTING."
"mhm.. nothing compared to you, though.."
"GRAND."
Ted leaned against a rusty wall and sighed. He wished every day would be like this.
"WHAT DID YOU STUDY, TED? AT UNIVERSITY."
"Hm? oh uh.. i forgot.. been a long time- probably something stupid..."
"ANYTHING YOU DO IS STUPID."
"Pft.. I guess"
He really really wished every day would be like this.