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Lucanis doesn’t know what to do. Kal’s always been a little off, always a little less predictable than you’d think. Kal’s never been listless, though, and that’s what worries him. There’s more bothering their Kal than he’s told them. He’s certain it has to do with how disillusioned Kal was because of the prison Elgar’nan put him in. Lucanis will have to get Kal to talk to him, even if it takes a while.
Rolling over to pull his beautiful, damaged Kal to him as his boyfriend sleeps soundly, Lucanis runs his fingers gently through Kal’s hair. If he’s not going to sleep, he can at least reassure himself that Kal’s actually back with him.
“Luca?” Kal mumbles tiredly.
“Hm?”
“… This is still reality, right?”
Lucanis doesn’t know what hurts more: the uncertainty or the tone. “Oh, Kal. Mi amor.” He doesn’t know the best way to help him, so the first thing he does is pull his boyfriend closer. “Would you believe me if I say it is?” Kal shuffles, closing into himself just a bit without ever turning around to face Lucanis. Spite decides now is the time to appear, flickering into view on Kal’s side of the bed, kneeling down to be level with Kal’s face.
“Kal is like Lucanis.” Spite says sadly.
“...If it’s you…” Kal mutters against his chest. “If it’s you, and you can prove it to me, then yes.”
Lucanis smiles softly. “How would you like me to prove it to you?” This is further than they’ve gotten in days.
Kal swallows, then looks up to Lucanis with those depressed eyes. “I need to know this isn’t just another loop. I need to see the gods die.”
“Alright.” Lucanis may not know how to do that at this moment, but he knows he’s going to do everything within he and Spite’s power to bring Kal the proof he needs. If that’s what it’ll take, then the gods are as good as dead. “Just promise me something? Promise that you’ll start opening up and talking to me again. I want to help you, mi amor, but I can’t do that without guidance.”
Kal’s brows furrow. “I’ll try.” It’s not quiet a promise, but it’s more than he had a few minutes ago.
“Thank you. That’s all I ask.”
Kal slays another set of Venatori, then turns to Lucanis with his gaze searching every inch. “You’re not hurt?” There’s the barest hint of hope planted in that statement even if his wonderful, beautiful Kal isn’t anywhere near the man he was before the gods played with his head.
Lucanis does his best to smile warmly. “I’m fine.” He promises. “And so are you.” Kal blinks slowly, processing.
Finally, their boyfriend mumbles out a simple “Okay.”
“Shall we continue? I’m sure we can find a few more Venatori to kill if it’ll help?” Kal stares blankly at the ground for a few moments.
“… Yeah.” There’s a spark of… Is that desperation? Lucanis hadn’t known Kal was even capable of that emotion, so to see it…
He blinks, watching as Kal reaches for his hand, only to abort the action halfway. It hurts, but Lucanis understands how hard it is to reach out after so much trauma.
Lucanis watches their Kal look around uncertainly. “It never goes this smoothly…” Kal mumbles. “Someone’s always hurt or dead by this point…”
“Everyone’s fine, mi amor. We’re all still here.” Kal’s brows furrow. “Do you trust me, love?”
Kal hits him with a confused expression. “Everyone’s alright?” Lucanis nods. Kal’s eyes light up that little bit more. “This is reality?”
“It is.” Those mismatched eyes flick back and forth for several moments, before Kal takes a step towards him. “Promise?”
Lucanis smiles. “I promise, mi amor. This is reality. It’s real. You’re real. I’m real.”
“Okay.” Kal reaches for his hand again. Lucanis finds himself with a satisfied smirk when Kal’s fingers interlace with his own. “If it’s you, I think I can believe that.” It’s enough for now, even if his once confident lover is clearly still plagued by doubts and uncertainties.
“…Luca?” Kal tries, slipping in to sit on Lucanis’ new, mostly comfortable bed beside him. “Are you alright?” It’s a relief to have Kal with him, here, in this moment when all Lucanis could think about was how betrayed and confused he’s felt all day.
“I…” Lucanis really isn’t sure. “I’m not sure.” He admits. “Was this one of the things you saw?”
Kal leans against him, bringing them both comfort as Spite wraps around them both with arms and wings. “Yeah…” Kal mutters. “It wasn’t every time, but Larry betraying the Crows happened often enough in that prison.”
“I see.”
“Luca? I’m sorry.” He doesn’t even know how to process that. Kal never apologizes. “I could have warned you.”
Lucanis leans into his boyfriend that little bit more. “I can’t blame you for not wanting to talk about it.” He does his best to keep his accusations and bitterness from his tone. It’s not Kal’s fault. “I can blame my cousin for being an idiot.”
Kal’s silent for the longest moment. “… Do you want to know?” Neither he nor Spite like hearing their Kal sound so unconfident about anything.
“If you want to tell me.” Lucanis decides. It’s enough at this moment that Kal is here, with them, alive and recovering. If he has to wait a little longer to hear about everything Kal’s gone through, then he’ll wait.
“This is probably real life.” Kal starts, “Which means you deserve to know.” Kal grabs his hand, squeezing tightly. It’s something the elven man’s been doing a lot recently. “I was stuck in that hell for 163 years, five months, and fifteen days. Every single day was yet another lesson in how much emotional damage I could sustain before breaking. The gods didn’t just show me the past, they showed me every possibility they could think of for the future. I’ve watched every one of you die more times than I care to count. I’ve watched Spite be forced into taking you over, just to become a plaything of the gods. Every time we went into battle? Every time we finished something? Someone was either dead or permanently injured. There was never a time where we managed to go two full weeks without losing someone.”
Kal’s voice shakes as his eyes glaze over just a bit. “The worse part? I couldn’t reach out.” Kal’s voice settles into something completely emotionless that Lucanis hasn’t ever heard before. “I would reach for you, and my hand would just pass right through. No matter what I tried, I could never find a way to reach you.”
“That’s why you’ve been so clingy.” Lucanis realizes. “Does physical touch help? Do you want more? Just let me know what you need me to do.”
“It helps…” Kal mumbles, letting himself fall all over Lucanis. “Just… Remind me sometimes?”
Lucanis smiles. “That’s easy enough, mi amor. Consider it done.” Lucanis tries his luck, stealing a quick kiss that lights up Kal’s eyes in surprise before a smile crosses those lips.
Bringing Kal along to Arlathan Crater was a mistake. They should have asked him to stay back at the Lighthouse. It would have been so much better for his mental health than whatever fuckery they’ve managed to walk straight into.
“Where. Is. Family?!” Spite growls. That’s a very good question that Lucanis doesn’t have the answer to. The three of them seem to have been transported… Well, they’re somewhere, alright.
“I don’t know, Spite.” Kal grips his hand tightly as sound filters in through the dense fog; images come to life, demanding their attention even as the gods cruel, cruel laugh reverberates in their heads.
Kal’s heavy, near panicked breathing catches his attention through the haze of sound and images. “Lu- Luca?” It’s barely a word, more a whine, and a horrifying reminder of just how broken his wonderful, beautiful Kal truly is. “Is— Is—“
Lucanis does the only thing he can at that moment and gathers the very much panicking man into his arms. “Kal, love, can you hear me?” Spite helps hold Kal tightly against their chest while Lucanis runs his fingers calmly through Kal’s hair. “Kal, mi amor, do you remember what you told me? I’m here. You can touch me. I’m present and real. We’ll get out of this.” Kal’s breath hitches uncomfortably, but it’s more than he was expecting.
“Whatever you need, I’m here.” Lucanis whispers to unhearing ears. Kal may not hear him, but his breathing’s definitely getting calmer. “You can do this. Feel the fabric under your fingers. Feel the way your skin itches being pressed so close to me.” Lucanis takes a moment to observe their surroundings.
A lot of it he can’t quite make out, but there are bits and pieces he recognizes from his own experiences as well as the small amount of time he accompanied Kal in those dreadful loops. Is Elgar’nan trying to hurt their Kal? Again? Meirda. They won’t let him, no matter how much magic he has.
Timid hands find his back, gripping tightly. Breaths come, still uneasy and fast, but on the road to normality. A tiny, barely audible whine breaks through those pained breaths. Lucanis smiles despite everything.
“You’re doing great, Kal.” Lucanis does his best to help the man he loves. “Spite?” Spite lights up, snuggling into Kal’s back and wrapping the both of them in his wings. Lucanis finds it surprisingly comforting himself.
“Pretty Kal. Brave Kal.” Spite murmurs. “Our brave Kal. Can do this. Almost there.” Those fingers digging into his back shake just a bit. “We touch Kal. Kal touches us.”
Their Kal takes a shaky, deep breath. Soft touches whisper up his back until is ghosts over his beard. “Kal?” Lucanis tries. “Look at me? Please.” It takes several long seconds before their boyfriend manages to open his eyes, and several more before they get anywhere near focusing on him. “You’re doing great, love. Just a little more, okay?” To make his point, Lucanis brushes a strand of hair from Kal’s face.
Kal blinks at him once, twice, three times, then visibly shuts down. They were so close, too. Mierda.
“Spite, can you tell if there’s currently any magic plaguing Kal?” Spite blinks, tilts his head, and stares at the man whose currently rocking back and forth with his knees pressed to his chest.
“No! Nothing hurts inside!” Spite confirms. ”No bad magic!” Okay. That means they just have to get Kal out of here and everything should end up okay. Or, at least the new version of okay that Kal’s been at for the last few weeks.
“Kal, mi amor. Do you think we can work on finding our way out of this place?” Kal freezes, but never quiet looks up at him. Lucanis sighs. They’ll have to do this the hard way, then. That’s fine. Kal helped him at some of his lowest points. He can do this much for him.
“Spite?” Spite catches his gaze, smiles, and nods. It might be hard, but they’ll get out of this one way or another. Lucanis gathers his bat friend into his arms, determined to carry him out if it’s the last thing he does. Kal doesn’t deserve to be stuck here, hurting like this just because he’s an inconvenience to the gods. “Where to?” Spite cocks his head, then moves off in a seemingly random direction.
“Weaker. Here.” Fair enough. The itchiness surrounding his eyes subsided a bit more the further they go in that direction, so Lucanis is more than happy to go that way.
“A pair of insects attempting to flee? How pitiful.” That stupid booming voice rings in his head, hurting his ears. “You will not bring that pest out where it has the opportunity to become a thorn in my side.” Spite hisses at the voice.
Lucanis can’t help but smirk. “Hear that, Spite? Kal’s strong enough to threaten the gods. No wonder they had to stop him.”
“Kal. Is. The. Best!” Spite agrees before freezing in his tracks. “Something. Wrong. Not supposed to end here.” He blinks, and they’re right back where they started. That’s not going to stop him.
“You don’t even know where to go.” That stupid, arrogant voice calls. “Even if you did, you’re trapped there. Just give up. It’ll mean so much less suffering for Chaos.” Giving up means their death, so there’s no way he’s going to do that.
Spite leads them off once again, focusing on something as he mutters the whole way back to that mysterious block. Lucanis watches as Spite pulls at his magic, aiming it towards the sheer rock face before them. A crack, shining and blindingly white, slices through it before the fog comes in to surround them.
They right back where they started. “We go! Again!” Lucanis nods with a smile, adjusting his grip on Kal before rushing off in the appropriate direction. They make it there in record time, but only manage a little bit more before getting sent back.
If this is how they’re going to play, then this is one contract they’ll accept without hesitation. It’s merely a matter of time before they break through.
It takes Spite eight more attempts before the wall finally crumbles, leading them out of the hellscape they’d found themselves in and back into the real world where the rest of their companions wait. Spite silently confirms his assumption.
“Kal!” He’s honestly not sure who cried out first, nor how they managed to surround him in less than a second.
“What happened?” Bishop demands.
Lucanis sighs. “Elgar’nan decided to mess with his head again. It seems he finds Kal much more of a threat than we’d thought.” Their Kal whines softly, reaching hesitantly to grab the front of Lucanis’ armor. His live may have so much further to go now, but this is a good first step, no matter how small.
“Mi amor?” Lucanis grumbles, finding himself awake after a paltry hour and a half with Kal no where to be found. “Spite?”
“Kal outside. Kal needed some air. Kal up on the right.” So he’s out on the balcony overlooking the Fade that Lucanis himself likes to use, then.
It’s barely a minute before Lucanis has made his way out to Kal’s side. “Kal? Would you tell me what’s bothering you?”
Their Kal blinks, then turns to look at him with those dull, lifeless eyes. There’s not even an attempt at reaching out for him. “Why bother?” Kal mumbles. “Not like it’ll do anything.” In that very moment, his heart shatters into millions of tiny pieces. All that work and effort on both of their parts has been thrown straight into the Fade all because the gods feel a little threatened.
He’s going to kill them. Painfully. No one gets to hurt their Kal like this and get away with a merciful death. “Kal. Mi amor.” Lucanis hates how his voice cracks. “I know you don’t believe it, but I’ll make you see this is reality once again if it’s the last thing I do.”
Since he knows Kal isnt going to do anything, Lucanis take the chance to lead their boyfriend back to bed. With any luck, Kal will get more sleep tonight.
Lucanis doesn’t know what to tell Kal’s siblings. They clearly know something’s up, but he’s not sure if it’s his place to tell them. Not when Kal’s barely even responding to him again regardless of what he tries. They deserve to know. Lucanis just doesn’t know what to say.
Rook stands in front of him, hesitant as he finds the nerve to say whatever it is he came to ask Lucanis. It takes the younger man several long moments before he gathers up the nerve. “Lucanis?” Rook asks. “You know what’s going on with Kal. Would you at least give us a hint?” He knows Rook and the others deserve to know more than that, but Lucanis would be pissed if someone shared his trauma without his permission and he doesn’t want to do that to Kal. Kal should be able to share it in his own time and when he’s ready.
“All I’m going to say is that the gods have targeted him and his state is related to the three weeks he was unconscious. If you want anything more I would ask your brother.” Rook’s eyes narrow in that way they do when he’s piecing something together.
“How bad is it?”
“Bad.” The elven man’s multicolored eyes widen with surprise.
“I see… since you’re the only one he’s been spending time with, do you know if Kal would be willing to open up?”
It’s Lucanis’ turn to think. “He might… If he sees a point to it at all. Right now he’s barely even talking to me about it.” He can tell his words worry the younger elf, but there’s not really much he can do about that.
“Alright. Thank you.” Rook walks off while thinking about everything. Knowing him, it won’t be long until Rook or one of the others tries and fails to speak with Kal.
“Luca?” Kal’s hesitant, uncertain, barely audible voice calls. “I think I need a reminder.” Their Kal should never sound so broken.
“Of course.” It may be a bit sad, but Lucanis smiles anyway. It’s a baby step that he’s more than happy to help Kal take.
He offers his hand, something Kal takes after several moments of hesitation. His grip is strong and desperate so Lucanis takes it a step further and pulls Kal in to hold him tightly, pressing a soft kiss to Kal’s cheek. For his part, Kal melts into him despite their difference in height. It’s not much, but it’s enough for now.
Tearstone happens and Lucanis is all too keen to finally slay one of the gods giving the love of his life so much trauma. It takes his Kal a little to actually believe what’s plainly laying before them, but when he does all that disbelief and hesitation cracks and shatters away to be replaced by grief and resignation. It’s understandable, given everything Kal is.
It may take them weeks to get the rest of the de Riva’s back, but they do, and Lucanis is there for Kal the entire three week wait. The way Kal grew so much livelier with the return of his siblings almost made everything Lucanis went through to help him worth it, even if none of it should have happened to begin with.
That night, Lucanis gets rewarded with the Kal he’s not seen a spark of in months. It’s the most welcome change.
Lucanis has to race to keep up with Kal as they scramble up the side of this blighted tower to reach the gods above. Kal’s overflowing with vengeance, and he’s going to get it no matter what anyone else might say. Lucanis almost pities the gods.
Kal helps him up the last few feet, then drags him through the mess of tunnels, blight, and tentacles keeping them from their goal. Lucanis might complain a bit, but he doesn’t really mind. He’s just glad to see Kal mostly back to how he was before. If all it takes to keep that spark that’s so clearly Kal, then Lucanis can deal with a little blight.
In a matter of minutes, they’ve made their way all the way up to a spot overlooking the battlefield where Kal’s sisters battle Elgar’nan. They’re injured, but doing much better than he would have thought for fighting a literal god. Off to the side, the Archdemon lies dead. Solas is slumped against uneven stones, bleeding and injured.
“Luca. Stay here.” He blinks, and Kal’s off in a blur of deep purples threatening to edge into black.
Elgar’nan doesn’t know what hits him when Kal crashes into his side, grabbing him by the neck and slamming him into the ground. There’s a cry of surprise, then Kal’s pummeling his electricity covered fists into the god’s face. The cracking of bone can be head over the wet thumps. Blood, blighted and otherwise, flies everywhere as Kal becomes covered in the spray.
He’s going to be real lucky not to end up blighted after this, but they all know they can’t stop Kal right now. Lucanis doubts anyone actually wants to given what his lovers gone through because of the bastard.
Even from here, Lucanis can see the angry glow of Kal’s eyes as he continues his assault. The body went still a while ago. This is certainly better than Kal moping around or refusing to believe in facts, but he’s going to have to talk to him about using reasonable force one of these days.
Ignoring as the other three siblings join up to deal with Solas, Lucanis makes his way to Kal. The man he loves is doing nothing but hurting himself at this point.
Placing a hand gently on Kal’s back, Lucanis starts with his voice just as soft. “Kal? I know you have a lot you need him to feel, but Elgar’nan died the moment your first fist made contact. All you’re doing is hurting yourself, mi amor.”
Their Kal hesitates enough for Lucanis to grab his hand. There’s bone poking out where the skin of his knuckles should be. “Look at what you’ve done to your hands. How is continuing to beat this dead god helping to do anything but injure you more?”
Kal finally freezes, slowly looking up to him. “It’s really over then?” It’s soft and uncertain, but filled with hope.
Lucanis gives what he hopes is a reassuring nod. “It is. You did it, Kal. You killed him.”
“It’s over, right? We can go home and be together and I don’t have to worry about looping ever again?”
“That’s right, mi amor. It’s over. I’m here. We can do whatever it is you want, no—“ Kal crashes into him, encasing him in a tight, blight-covered hug as a few tears fall from those eyes.
“I believe you.” Kal mutters between quiet hiccups. “I want to go home.”
Lucanis smiles, running a hand through Kal’s long hair. “Sure.”