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Yoongi stands on cold kitchen tile, mouth hanging open dumbly, an ice cream pop lifted halfway to his mouth.
“Hyung.”
“Mmm?” Seokjin replies, not even bothering to look up from the couch as he flips idly through a magazine, socked foot tapping out a rhythm.
“Why is there a fucking goldfish in a bag on the kitchen table,” Yoongi calls out flatly.
Seokjin sighs exasperatedly, finally putting his magazine down as he shakes his head. “I told Tae to move that thing to a bowl. Taehyung!”
Yoongi hears a crashing sound from Jungkook’s room, then Taehyung’s voice bellowing out a “YES, HYUNG?”
“Get over here and move your stupid fish before it dies in that godforsaken bag!”
There’s another slightly smaller crash before the sound of bare feet quickly trotting into the kitchen. Taehyung emerges from Jungkook and Namjoon’s cavern with a large round fish bowl, rushing to the sink to fill it with tap water. He gingerly picks up the bag and unties it carefully, before pouring the contents of the bag into the fish bowl, water splashing onto his shirt and Yoongi’s as he does so. Yoongi blinks twice as Taehyung tosses the now-empty bag into the trash before sprinting back to Jungkook’s room to play video games or summon demons or whatever it is those two do in their free time. He glances at Seokjin, who has now returned to his magazine and is humming softly, with the air of someone who is not concerned about the fish bowl owned by Human Tornado Kim Taehyung.
Sighing, Yoongi pinches the bridge of his nose and takes a bite of his popsicle before stalking back to his room. He supposes it could be worse. At least it wasn’t Namjoon’s fish.
Two days later, Yoongi learns from Taehyung that he won it at a street fair after winning a game of darts. They’ve named the little orange fucker “Moose,” because according to Jungkook “it has a big ass head and moose have big ass heads.” They then retreat to Jungkook’s black hole of a room, muttering excitedly to each other about whatever it is kids are excited about these days, leaving Yoongi sitting at the kitchen table with a mug of tea as he stares into Moose’s big eyes.
It’s almost cute, big ass head and all, Yoongi admits to himself begrudgingly. He reaches behind him to grab the bottle of fish flakes and tip some into the bowl. Moose excitedly glides to the surface, chomping his little fish mouth happily on the food. Yoongi chuckles to himself as the tiny fish feasts. He finishes his tea before giving the bowl an appreciative pat and returning to his room.
“Honestly Moose, sometimes the schedules just get way too overwhelming. Like I’m a human being, I need some time to sleep and rest and all that, ya know? Like I love what I do, but sometimes I just need a fucking nap in my own bed!” Yoongi throws up his in hands in frustration. Moose, being a goldfish, blubs at him comfortingly, bubbles floating up to the surface of the bowl before feebly popping.
Yoongi rubs his face in his hands and groans. “Yeah, I hear you, Moose. I guess we have accomplished some pretty great things, but sometimes I wish everything would just slow down a little bit and we could just- like, I don’t know, just like chill a little.”
Moose swishes his tail, his mouth gaping open and closed, and Yoongi throws his head back in a laugh, pressing his hand to the bowl. “Oh Moose, you always know what to say. I’m really glad we met.” Moose bops his head against the glass affectionately.
“JUNGKOOK,” Yoongi calls worriedly. He’s home alone with the maknae today, and Moose has ignored all his fish flakes and is floating around looking very sad. Jungkook dutifully saunters up to him, big doe eyes more confused than usual.
“Whatcha need, hyung?”
“Jungkook, why does Moose look a little off today? Do you think he’s sick? Have you and Tae been feeding him when you’re not supposed to or something?”
Jungkook peers into the bowl intently, squinting a bit. “I mean he just….he’s just swimming around? Isn’t that a normal goldfish-y thing to do?” he asks, shrugging his obnoxiously huge shoulders. Kid needs to lay off the protein shakes, Yoongi thinks to himself.
“Yeah it’s- I’m sure it’s whatever Jungkook. You can go now.”
As Jungkook skips back to the 3rd Circle of Hell, aka his and Namjoon’s room, Yoongi can’t help but shake the feeling that something is not right. He loads up his laptop, typing in “care of goldfish” into the search bar. He clicks around for a good half hour, growing more and more horrified with each page he reads. Every site he visited, he read about pH levels, chlorine, ammonia and became more and more convinced that he was putting Moose through a slow, moist death via bad habitat. He grabs his coat and his wallet, and races out the door while calling out behind him that he’s going to the pet store.
From behind the closed door of his room, Jungkook hears a yell and a thump and shrugs to himself.
Jimin blinks twice, taking in the disarray before him. “Umm,” he begins hesitantly, “Yoongi-hyung?”
Yoongi grunts in response, splayed out on the floor fiddling with the makings of a deluxe fish tank that Jimin could probably fit in, if he curled himself up into a ball. His eyebrows are furrowed in concentration, determined to quickly assemble the fish tank so that he can move on to setting up the rest of Moose’s new home. Jimin gingerly picks up a tube of some sort off the kitchen table, where it had laid amidst a bunch of other stuff that Jimin can’t identify for the life of him.
“What’s- what’s with all this stuff?”
Yoongi huffs, but continues his fish tank construction without looking up. “Jimin, look at Moose.”
Scratching his head in confusion, Jimin spares a quick glance in Moose’s direction. “Uhhh-”
“He’s miserable! He’s sick! He’s encumbered-fish can’t live boxed in like this, it’s not good for their-”
“Well, I mean technically he’s not in a box, he’s in a bowl-”
“Have you ever seen the movie Blackfish, Jimin?! Hmm?! Those fucking whales get trapped in watery prisons their whole lives, and they die because they’re so damn miserable! Do you want Moose to die in this fucking Goldfish Seaworld that Tae’s got him set up in? Is that what you want, Moose’s DEATH?!” Yoongi waves his arms around animatedly as he yelps, his eyes getting more and more googly until they resemble Jungkook’s.
Jimin flinches, unsure how to react to Yoongi’s sudden outburst. Yoongi, one of the more cool-headed and rational members, losing his shit over a fucking goldfish. Go fucking figure. They really do need to get more fucking sleep.
“No, of course I don’t want Moose to die, I love Moose, Moose is like practically my girlfriend, I’m so here for this new tank!”
Yoongi visibly relaxes, and thanks Jimin for his support and asks him if he could please grab that sea lettuce off the kitchen table. Jimin tosses him the weird green shit and grabs a bottle of juice before hightailing it out of the kitchen. He did not want to be around for Yoongi’s next meltdown over aquarium pebbles.
The next day, Moose is happily zooming around his new home, complete with a filter, shiny aquarium rocks, sea lettuce, a heater, lights, and this cool plastic pirate ship that Yoongi bought for him at PetCo. Yoongi sits at the kitchen table, gazing adoringly at his fish-son as he rests his face in his hands.
Taehyung walks into the room, ruffling a hand through his hair. “Hi Moose,” he chirps, lifting the lid off the tank to stick his hand in and stroke the fish’s scales. Moose, surprisingly, nuzzles affectionately against his hand. Yoongi snorts, because it’s just so Taehyung to pet a fucking fish, but he has to admit the sight is pretty cute. He almost forgives him for trapping Moose in a round glass death trap, because Moose likes Taehyung and Moose is a pretty good judge of character.
Yoongi opens his mouth to ask Taehyung how he feels about perhaps getting another fish, one to keep Moose company, but he’s interrupted by Hoseok’s squawk from inside the bathroom. “YO! GUYS! SOMEONE TELL ME WHY THERE’S A BIRD IN THE SHOWER WITH ME!”
Taehyung’s head snaps up, a look of realization dawning upon his face. “Fuck,” he hisses, “I told Jungkook not to let Noodle out of his cage!” He turns on his heel and sprints to the bathroom, emerging minutes later with a colourful tropical bird in his hand, soap bubbles adorning the top of its head. He dashes towards Jungkook’s Chamber of Darkness™, shrieking at the maknae to “get the cage out before Seokjin-hyung comes home and takes away our son, goddamnit!” Hoseok exits the bathroom shortly afterward with a towel wrapped around his waist, looking visibly shaken.
Yoongi shares a look with Moose, shaking his head. Maybe he’ll name the next fish Kumquat.