Work Text:
she stared in the mirror, glaring at her reflection. it didn’t look the same today; it felt distorted and mangled, but she didn’t see that visually.
always being a good leader, always trying to win; the competition slowly felt less like she was trying to win a prize, and more of a monotony.
monotony; that’s the best word for it.
praise felt like it had no effect on her. no matter how much she tried to be appreciative, it always fell flat in her eyes. it wasn’t like this before, why did it feel this way now?
in fact, pin couldn’t even treat praise as a compliment; it felt more as a reason to berate herself. no matter how great she was to everyone else, no matter how happy she was trying to make everyone, it only felt routine. she could only see compliments about her as a means of “self-improvement” — if self-improvement meant to lay out every single flaw on a mental sheet of paper and erase it until your flaws, and who you really are, are finally gone.
what was she trying even trying to do anymore? if she has a purpose of beating herself to a pulp for one mistake, then it’s become too unclear.