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hey can you come over. perry got back from the vet and hes acting so weird :(
Stacy launched herself out of her seat with the crack of a whip, nearly tripping over her backpack as she hurried to her mom’s car.
How could she forget about today? She marked it down in her calendar weeks in advance, setting the evening aside specifically to be there for Perry. He—as told to her by Pinky the Chihuahua over text—was scheduled for a surgery at the vet, one where anesthetics would be unavoidable. Pinky had asked her to be on standby just in case something happened, as there were a few cases of agents unwittingly blowing their covers from their post-surgery haze. She had promised to help anyway she could, even with the dismissal of Perry himself. He said he would be fine; he was always careful when these things came around. But, even with his reassurances, Candace’s text made all of Stacy’s fears come to life in that moment.
She was glad that the car was available for emergencies like this. She made a rushed excuse to her mom that Candace was having a fashion crisis, grabbed the keys, and left before she could hear an answer. She drove as reasonably as she could, not bothering to check her park-job once she got there.
After knocking twice, Stacy stood on the doormat and waited, fidgeting with the anxiety of a teen boy at prom. She couldn’t hear anything inside. It was almost seven in the evening, so the whole family must have been home. Why was it so quiet then? What if the Flynn-Fletchers saw something and were frozen in place, gawking at something that Perry accidentally revealed?
That thought put gasoline on her burning worries, making her unwilling to wait any longer. She used the key under the mat and busted through the door. With nobody downstairs to greet her, she barreled through the house and up the stairs, nearly crashing into Candace when she turned the corner.
“Hey, Stace—” She gave her a once over and frowned. “Are you okay?”
“What? Yes, totally! Why wouldn’t I be?” She said, pasting on a smile. “I’m, uh, just a little winded from, uh, a club I just got back from. . . ?”
“Oh, yeah. Aren’t you in, like, two this year?”
“Uh—”
“Isn’t one of them that animal activism thing that Jenny’s in? I mean, there’s nothing wrong with that, but I didn’t think that you pick that over the miniature golf club.”
Stacy licked her lips, slowing her breathing as much as she could tolerate. “I, uh, have really gotten into the movement. A-and actually I just got back from that one, so that’s why I’m all out of breath!”
For as much as she hated lying in any way, shape, or form, she had gotten better at improvising—a term she preferred to use in moments like these. Thankfully, Candace was easy to be convinced of anything that didn’t involve her brothers.
“M’kay, well I’m glad you made it. I was gonna cry from how boring it is here.”
Stacy felt like singing when they finally went to Candace’s room. There was something about her friend’s bedroom that acted like the perfect stronghold, a place to regroup and recover after a failed bust or a failed radio call-in. Nearly all of their plans were made here and, right now, she needed a plan ASAP. Whether she needed to figure out a way to keep Candace occupied and then search for Perry or figure out how much damage control she needed to cover for, she had to get moving.
Instead, she ran into Candace when she stopped abruptly.
“You little meatbrick!” she growled. “You know you’re not allowed on my bed!”
Stacy looked over and saw that Perry was on the bed. No fedora in sight, thankfully. He was on all fours too—thank goodness—and seemed to be staring down at something in front of him. Before either of them could get to him, Perry began to tip over onto his face.
“Argh!” Candace marched over and picked him up, holding him as far away from her as she could. “I don’t even know how he got up there. I know he’s all drugged up, but this is just getting more and more ridiculous!”
“Um, how so?” Stacy asked, inching closer and checking to see if any of Perry’s gadgets were showing.
Seeing that nothing was out of place calmed Stacy down immensely. She was able to think clearer now that danger wasn’t imminent. However, now that she looked closer, she saw that Perry hung limply between Candace’s hands as if he was a piece of soggy carpet. He didn’t bother to chitter at her when she first arrived either, his eyes crossed and staring at nothing like they were glass orbs. Though it was at least reassuring to see that he was selling the part of a mindless animal, for however much he had to play it up or not at the moment.
“He’s just been so annoying,” Candace groaned. “Like, mom was saying that they had to wait at the vet for longer than usual because they wanted to make sure he was stable—which is fine, sure—but I had to wait from being picked up from choir practice because of it and I was starving. ”
There was some kind of makeshift blanket nest in the furthest corner of the room. It was a pet bed and a mess of blankets, all arranged in such a way like it was toddler-proofed from any accidents. Candace plopped him down in the middle, scoffing when the platypus tipped over again.
“Well, I’m glad he’s okay,” Stacy murmured, kneeling down and adjusting the platypus to a more comfortable position.
“And I had to deal with the car ride home with him! Like, sure, he was on Phineas' lap, but he kept trying to climb up on everything. He’s never acted like that before, so it was super weird.”
“Oh, y-yeah?”
“Yeah, we had to pull over—twice, actually—but the first time was because mom said it would be better to keep him on a leash while Phineas held him. And I wasn’t sure why we didn’t just put him in his carrier, but the boys said it would make him more comfortable or whatever. I mean, he’s an animal! I hardly think it would make that much of a difference. Mom said that he would be sleeping anyways, but whatever.”
Stacy was about to vouch for the boys’ reasoning, but she paused and asked, “Wait, you guys had to pull over twice?”
“Yeah, the second time was because he peed in the car—”
The noise that tore out of her made the other two flinch—a unrefined, cackling snort that must have been loud enough for the neighbors outside to notice.
“It’s not that funny,” Candace said and rolled her eyes. “We were only, like, three blocks away but mom wanted to clean it up then and there instead of when we got home.”
Stacy couldn’t stop laughing, couldn’t stop her body from shaking with giggles. The idea that Perry—OWCA’s top agent, as mentioned by Pinky—was too stoned out of his mind to not resist such a thing made her face start to hurt, a coughing fit following suit. If Perry was even a little bit lucid, then she could only imagine the glare she would be getting and it made her laugh even more. Perhaps it was all the nervous energy inside of her that fueled such a fit.
“Anyways, once we finally all got home, mom and dad needed to get the boys dropped off and get some groceries, so they asked me to watch over Perry while they’re gone.”
“The boys aren’t here?” Stacy managed to ask, clearing her throat.
“No, they would’ve stayed, but they were invited to an overnight astronomy thing with some of their friends this weekend. They really wanted to stay and I didn’t want to pet-sit, but dad told them not to worry since Perry’ll just be sleeping the whole time.”
“Well, that makes sense not to worry. He’s not sick or anything, right?”
“Nah, the vet visit was for an endoscopy or something,” Candace answered, lounging on her bed and flipping through a magazine. “Kinda like that one time I had that ulcer?”
“Is he okay?”
“Um, yeah? I’m pretty sure. The boys told me this morning that it was just a preventative thing that needed some tissue sampling. Nothing crazy. In fact, Ferb was going on and on about platypus diets and heartburn and stuff like that. I think I only paid attention because it was Ferb saying it.”
That makes a lot of sense, actually. Ever since she had learned about Perry and Pinky, she became a lot more interested in animals and their lives—their abilities and limitations. How could you not take an interest after seeing some ‘mindless animal’ preform a textbook judo maneuver? She started to pay attention to the ramblings of Phineas and Ferb whenever they gave factoids about Perry, began to not immediately change the channel when a nature documentary appeared, and even joined her school’s animal activism club and took Jenny’s extreme opinions a little more seriously. Perry’s double-life was the gateway for her to realize that some government conspiracies weren’t without substance and animals knew more than they let on.
“Hey, can you watch him for a moment? I’ll get us some snacks.”
Stacy nodded, turning to Perry once her friend had left the room. She was expecting the platypus to drop the pet act and look at her, like how he would for half of a second whenever she came by, but he truly must be in the depths of a ‘trip’ to not make any signs of acknowledgement. Although it was comforting to see him still acting under the radar, she still wanted to be here for him. There had been a few moments where Perry’s eyes would fight to refocus themselves again while Candace was present, and that was more than enough for her to stay on guard.
Besides, it was fascinating to see him like this. Perry being caught in-between the pet and intelligent sides of him was a fusion that she never expected to see. It was always one or the other, and it was something that made her wonder whether he was a ‘pet turned agent’ or an ‘agent turned pet’. Which side of him came first and foremost? But, regardless, she considered this a rare opportunity to see him so uncensored. And to hear that he peed in the car.
Candace came back a few minutes later and her arrival must have sparked something in Perry because he tried to shakily stand up on his four legs. It wasn’t until he tried to go one step further and stand up on his hindlegs, rising up with the speed and grace of a bear cub, that Stacy gasped and scooped him up.
“Oh, is that dunce trying to run around again?”
“H-he’s been doing that?” Stacy asked, trying to keep him from spilling out of her grasp.
“Yeah, especially since we got home. Dad said he would be sleeping by now, but he’s actually gotten more active and annoying. He keeps running around and into things, so I have to keep him in my room so he doesn’t hurt himself.”
A grin spread across Stacy’s face. She tried to suppress it, trying to not think about how that must have looked like earlier, but she was able to distract herself with her next question.
“Well, why didn’t you just keep him in his carrier? Not that you should! I’m-I’m just asking since you don’t like him getting into things.”
“Hmm . . . .”
When her friend didn’t continue, she looked up and away from the platypus in her arms—who stopped struggling but tried to bite his way out of her grasp like an angry duckling—and saw that Candace was staring daggers down at the empty nest.
“I mean,” she started, “I totally did earlier because he’s a platypus—they don’t do much—and I didn’t wanna waste my time keeping an eye on him.”
“But?”
“But he was even more annoying when he was in it than when he was out of it. He kept whining and crying and I just couldn’t stand to hear it anymore.”
“Aw,” she cooed. “That’s so sweet!”
“As if.”
“You do like him! Even just a little bit!”
“I just didn’t want to hear it.” She dismissed, cracking open her magazine again.
Now that Stacy noticed it, Candace’s beanbag had been moved over by Perry’s nest. There was a phone charger plugged into the nearest outlet and a half-glass of soy milk on the vanity, not mentioning the folded towels an arm’s reach away.
Stacy smiled. “Well, I think that he appreciates it.”
“Sure.”
The redhead was about to move onto other things, but then she finally noticed how much Perry was squirming in Stacy’s arms.
“Here—I’ll take him,” she sighed. “You probably don’t wanna smell like a wet dog.”
“He’s really not that smelly,” Stacy chuckled, watching as her friend wrapped him up in some blankets and shielded the fur away from her. She had learned from some late-night text messaging that Perry had pristine hygiene, keeping himself as scentless as possible for personal and work-related reasons. Ever since then, she couldn’t help but notice how much Candace liked to exaggerate whatever smell still lingered. “I can still hold him if you need me to.”
“It’s fine. I’ll hold him so you can fill out that Quazmo quiz for us.”
“Alright then, but I thought you swore off of those?”
“Eh, this one’s about color theory and how to impress your date.”
“Say no more.”
They had made it through most of the first quiz, moving onto the second quiz about birthstones, when Stacy was finally able to relax. With no more threats of relocation, the high-strung feeling she had ever since she left her house finally faded, the other stresses from this week melting off as well. She and Candace were able to catch up on life, making up for lost time since neither of them shared any classes this year, and made plans for a double date with their boyfriends.
The whole time, Perry fought against Candace’s attempts in keeping him still. He struggled and chittered, tangling himself further into his confines, trying to scratch his way out like some mole. The teen would just scold him and readjust his rump, making him pause with a thousand-yard stare and then start all over again. It was amazing to see Candace so patient all of a sudden.
Though Stacy had swore never to reveal Perry’s secret—more than willing to become something of a gatekeeper on his behalf—it didn’t stop her from seeing him as the Flynn-Fletchers’ pet. Even if he was an agent and functioned like a miniature James Bond, she could still plainly and clearly see how much he loved his family, upholding them as way more than just a cover.
Any and all doubts otherwise were erased when Candace snuck a hand into the blankets, scratching a place he liked, and was able to finally calm him down and keep him still. Stacy tried not to smile as Perry purred drunkenly for the rest of the evening.