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The world is a simple, stupid place, full of much simpler, stupider people. It's a reality that Ranpo understands all too well. Simply walking through the halls of his university, weaving through the crowd to reach his destination, is enough to solidify the fact even further in his mind.
This place is one of the most prestigious in the country, with people lining up for a chance to attend, yet it’s filled to the brim with blithering idiots.
In one short trip alone, there are hundreds of specimens of foolishness for Ranpo to observe. Air-headed gossipers, jocks clearly only with a place here thanks to their sports scholarships and, perhaps worst of all, the couples. They're all over one another, clogging up the walkways and ignorant (or perhaps uncaring) of the openness and publicity of their over-the-top displays of affection.
It's disgusting. Ranpo has to avert his eyes from almost all of them, wincing at the assault on his sight, until he finally ducks into the library. He lets out a barely audible sigh of relief, allowing himself a moment to relax before scanning the room. The only person still in the library is one of the ones he's looking for, and Ranpo bounds over to where Yosano is sitting, a grin on his face. It doesn't last, not when, only a second later, he has clocked that something is up with her. It just takes one more to determine what exactly it is.
“Trouble in paradise?” he asks, smile only widening wickedly. He never liked Yosano's latest girlfriend, not in the slightest, but he doesn't allow the smile to linger, not when Yosano lets out a long, low groan, dragging her hand down her face.
“How did you know?” She stares at the ceiling, answering his question with one of her own to avoid letting the cat out of the bag.
Ranpo, however, won’t let that slide. “I always do,” he says breezily, before pressing on. “So, what is it?”
“She sat with someone else in our lecture this morning,” Yosano tells him dejectedly, still not meeting his eyes. “And not just a friend, it was obviously a deliberate choice. I tried to talk to her afterwards, but-”
Before she can finish, the library door swings open once more, allowing the noise from the corridor to spill into their sanctuary. The intrusion, though, isn’t unwelcome, for Ranpo waves excitedly as Dazai hobbles in, struggling with the door due to the cane clutched in their left hand. The sunlight streaming in through the windows somehow illuminates them perfectly, making their eyes look almost golden.
“Yosano is having couple problems,” Ranpo informs them in lieu of a greeting once they are close enough to pick up his words, filling them in on what they missed. Their slower speed of walking means they are usually the last to arrive at their lunchtime rendezvous, so getting them up to speed isn't uncommon.
Dazai just snickers at that. “It’s your fault for attempting to navigate the minefield of dating whilst in university,” they tell her matter-of-factly, dropping their bag to the floor, and themself onto a chair.
Yosano shoots them a look so dirty it could kill. “You’re one to talk, you were in a relationship all last year.”
“True, but I know better now,” they say lightly. “Speaking of, that asshole was making out with someone else in the corridor, right in front of me! Way to rub it in,” they add with a pout. Despite its exaggerated nature, Ranpo can tell it comes from a place of sincerity. He finds himself holding back a chuckle regardless, but Yosano makes no such effort to conceal her amusement.
Dazai lets out an offended scoff. “Some friends you are,” they mutter, though Ranpo can tell they don’t really mean it.
“At least you guys don’t have my parents,” Ranpo whines, memories of the previous morning flooding back to him. "I told them how annoying it was that they're always lecturing me on how they met in university, and pressuring me to find someone, too, but they only stopped for about five seconds! They keep telling me it’s a prime dating pool - those are their actual words - if I want to find someone as smart as me!”
Ranpo drops his hands from their positions as air quotations with a frustrated groan, but both Dazai and Yosano both burst into peals of laughter.
“Prime dating pool?!” Yosano echoes in between giggles. “I don’t know what university they went to, but they’ve certainly never set foot in here.”
“I know, right? Yet they don't believe me! It sucks,” Ranpo complains, allowing something genuine to drift into his tone as his eyes drift up to the windows. He squints from the brightness of the sun’s rays, before letting his gaze fall back to the table. “They won’t get off my ass about finding someone to bring home.”
“Tell me about it,” Dazai agrees dejectedly. “University just plain sucks. There are so many couples who are just as in love with PDA as they are with each other that I'm starting to think the universe has it out for me. My being single gets rubbed in my face practically every time I leave the house.” Their eyes drift almost ashamedly as they speak, never settling on a point for longer than a second. It makes their loneliness far more apparent to Ranpo than their words ever could.
“Maybe you guys just need to get out there,” Yosano tells them, tone skeptical. “You’ll find someone if you look hard enough.” She turns to Ranpo, and adds, “I doubt you even need to find something real; I’m sure someone would be willing to pretend in front of your parents.” She swivels to face Dazai. “And you need, what, someone to make your ex jealous?” she guesses. “There have got to be tons of people who’d quite willingly make out with you, just do it in front of him.”
“As if you’re one to give dating advice,” Dazai points out with raised eyebrows, clearly just annoyed that she’s right. “You’re caught right in the middle of romance drama as we speak.”
Yosano pokes her tongue out at them, but Ranpo’s mind is still whirring from her words.
“Someone to pretend,” he repeats aloud. “Something fake to fix our problems - it doesn't need to be real at all, of course! That makes it so much easier!”
In an instant, both his and Dazai’s heads whip around to face Yosano, both imploring her with their eyes. She, however, makes a gagging noise.
“What are you looking at me for?” she demands. “I’m not even single!” At those words, Ranpo raises his eyebrows. She shoots him a dirty look, but continues, “You both have problems, help each other out!”
In unison, his and Dazai's heads move once more, slowly turning until their eyes meet. In that moment, it becomes blindingly obvious who the perfect choice is.
Ranpo's parents insist he should find someone as smart as him, and the only person who comes even close is the one across the table from him. Their grades are the proof his parents need that he's found the right one for him, and then they will finally be satisfied. The tension in his home will be lifted, he'll stop having his ear talked off every meal with stories of their days as together at university - he'll be able to breathe.
Dazai needs someone just as petty as them to make their ex jealous, and Ranpo fits that bill. He's more than willing to help them get back at him.
One glance at Dazai is enough to tell that they've reached the same conclusion he has. Their eyes practically sparkle, excitement at the possibilities that lie before them very thinly veiled.
"Meet me after your next lecture," Dazai commands, pointing a finger at Ranpo to emphasise their point. "We've got a plan to construct."
Ranpo agrees, grin still uncontrolled on his face. Even as he heads towards his next mind numbingly easy lecture, and despite their idea not being anywhere close to completion, he finds that there's an extra spring in his step.
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Ranpo spots Dazai the moment he steps out of the lecture hall, with their neck already craned to spot him. They seem to be waiting with baited breath, and they wave over enthusiastically the moment their eyes lock onto him.
"The key to a good relationship is communication," Dazai tells Ranpo the moment he's within earshot, seizing his arm and guiding him forwards. He raises his eyebrows at that, skeptical at how they should know anything about healthy relationships, but they plough on regardless. "Thus, the way to create an effective fake relationship must also be through communication."
"Okay," Ranpo says slowly. "So?"
"So, we need to set boundaries and plan things out in advance," Dazai says, as if it's obvious. When Ranpo just stares at them blankly, they continue, "Here, I'll start. I think we should kiss in public tomorrow to get the rumour mill going. If everyone is talking about us, it'll drive Chuuya up a wall, which is what I want. See? Your turn now."
Ranpo blinks as he turns their words over in his mind, then opens his mouth. "I want you to come to dinner and meet my parents. They'll think we're serious if I'm introducing you, and finally leave me be."
"Great!" Dazai beams. "How does Saturday sound?"
"I'll have to check, but that'll probably work," Ranpo agrees, smile widening at the thought alone. "If I ask them tonight, I can satisfy them even sooner."
"There's a party on Friday," Dazai says, shifting the conversation without warning. "Chuuya will almost definitely be there, so we should go. If we kiss right in front of him, that'll really piss him off." Their grin as they deliver those words is almost comically evil, but Ranpo just laughs.
"Maybe we can finally give some of the couples around here a taste of their own medicine," he suggests. "They're all practically glued to each other, but I bet we could be ten times more obnoxious. Twenty times, even." Dazai claps excitedly at his words, but a thought occurs to Ranpo that makes his face twist in disgust. "No stupid pet names, though. They're just icky."
He stares at Dazai's face, waiting anxiously for their response. He can see why they'd disagree; it could ruin their credibility as a couple, but he really hates pet names.
"Fine by me," Dazai shrugs. "You should probably call me Osamu, though. Just to really sell the illusion."
"Yeah," Ranpo nods, grinning once more. "I can do that."
For some reason, when Dazai's eyes next meet his, Ranpo finds his heart fluttering within his ribcage. It becomes so loud he can hear it, almost drowning them out entirely. He pushes the sensation away immediately.
After all, he has far more pressing matters to worry about than unclear physical reactions to a person who is just his friend.
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Spreading rumours, as it turns out, is ridiculously enjoyable. Ranpo can say the tiniest of things - the vaguest, too - and those around him end up spinning entire tales from the crumbs he leaves. Stories of him and Dazai spread through the university like wildfire without much effort at all. They drop each other into conversations, hold hands as they walk to lunch and wait for each other outside their lectures, and that's all it takes for everyone they know to talk about them non-stop.
They light the fire of the rumours by Ranpo's locker, which, conveniently for their purposes, is right next to Tachihara's. He is someone guarenteed to get their news straight to Chuuya, which is why they ensure he has a front row seat.
It's a simple yet highly effective interaction. Dazai rests their hear on Ranpo's shoulder as he fishes around to find a packet of sweets buried in his locker. He calls them their first name purposefully loud enough to be heard by everyone around them (several heads whip around to stare, Tachihara's included), before slyly beginning to hand feed them the sweets. Dazai takes their time eating them, too, only making the jaws around them drop open even further.
They both have to suppress snickers as those witnessing whip out their phones or turn to each other, properly setting the ball rolling by sounding the alarm to all their friends. To eal the deal and leave no doubt in anyone's minds, they kiss right there in the hallway, ensuring their false passion is beyond obvious to the onlookers.
Ranpo tastes the sugar lingering on Dazai's lips, he runs his hands through their hair, and he determinedly ignores the pounding within his chest as their fingers entangle themselves in his shirt.
Well timed kisses, hints littered throughout their interactions, and within a day their first goal is already nearing completion. Ranpo doesn't run into Chuuya often, but every time he passes him in the corridor he can spot him visibly stiffen. Watching the way his jaw clenches confirms that success is within reach, but they just have one final blow to deliver.
Friday night can't come quickly enough, and Ranpo practically skips over to Dazai's dormitory, Yosano right at his side. She's dressed in a long, red dress, paired with eyeliner so sharp it looks almost deadly. Ranpo's own wrinkled shirt pales in comparison, but he can't find it within himself to care.
He raps sharply on Dazai's door, takes a step back, and waits. When they fling it open, a lesser person's jaw would drop to the floor. Ranpo's eyes just widen at the sight.
Dazai is dressed in a black dress with a ruffled skirt, their bandages extending far behind what the outfit covers. Ranpo supposes some might think the added white gauze ruins it, but those people are idiots, for it just makes the whole thing more Dazai. To him, that's far better than what the dress could offer alone.
Yosano seems to share his sentiment, for she lets out a whoop at the sight of them. Dazai's face, however, remains impassive.
"I look like a mummy," they whine, not stepping beyond the threshold of their dorm, reluctance to leave all too apparent.
"A sexy mummy," Yosano assures them. Despite their lack of conviction, her words do prompt them to finally step outside. A tiny bit more coaxing from both of them is all it takes for all three of them to set off, sights set on the dim lights and pulsating music of that night's house party.
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Even before stepping foot inside, Ranpo can sense the electric energy of the party. The house is bursting at the seams, with people spilling across the lawn. He takes the lead right away, pushing through them with Dazai right behind him.
"I'm going to have to love you and leave you," Yosano tells them both, having to yell to be heard over the music. "I can't help with your subterfuge, and there's a hot, goth girl in that corner over there."
Ranpo wishes her luck, and Dazai sends her a thumbs up and a grin. She returns it, before giving them both a brief squeeze, and slipping away into the crowd.
Ranpo turns his attention back to the masses of people around them, scanning their faces in search of Chuuya. He doesn't see him anywhere in the room they first arrived in, so he makes to leave, mind solely focused on their goal. Before he can take a single step, however, Dazai grabs his wrist.
"You're going to need to be more subtle than that," they say, moving their mouth to right next to his ear. It's a necessity to communicate over the deafening noise enshrouding them, but Ranpo still has to suppress a shiver. "We have to at least look like we're actually partying."
"Okay," Ranpo agrees shortly, unable to say much else. Painting a relaxed smile on their face, Dazai loosely intertwines their hands, and begins to move to another room. Despite their cane hindering their movements in such a crowded environment, they manage to make their transition to the next place look natural, as if it's just a progression of their partying.
Though Ranpo continues to peer at the corners of his field of vision, he now ensures he remains facing Dazai, faking a lack of care for the rest of the world. As he passes a table, he grabs a cup of something alcoholic and cradles it in his free hand, further adding to their performance.
Without warning, Dazai squeezes his hand roughly, then jerks their head minutely towards the far wall.
"That dickhead," they hiss as Ranpo's eyes fall upon Chuuya, with his new partner (who Ranpo only vaguely recognises) draped over his shoulder. Despite the exasperated expression on his face, his arm still enshrouds it. "Of course he ended up with 'Tross."
"He's not even looking at us," Ranpo points out. He doesn't need to spell out that they need to get his attention somehow, or this will all be pointless.
"I have an idea," Dazai tells him immediately, raising their cane off the floor slightly to gesture to it. "It's ridiculously loud when it falls to the ground, so I can pretend to drop it when you kiss me!"
Despite their pride at the solution, Ranpo frowns. "But then you lose its support."
Dazai rolls their eyes, trying to brush the matter off. "Just kiss me," they insist. Against his better judgement, Ranpo leans forwards and seals their lips together. He almost flinches when Dazai practically flings their cane onto the ground, making an almighty crash and startling practically everyone within their vicinity.
Hopefully, it shocks Chuuya out of his head, too. Ranpo only manages to spare him one thought, too lost in the kiss otherwise.
Dazai's lip gloss is sticky and unpleasant, but it's about the only thing Ranpo doesn't like about kissing them. He cups their cheek and leans into the slow rhythm they set, relishing in every point of contact between them, and maximising the jealousy he can draw out of Chuuya.
When Dazai lifts their right leg into the air and brings it closer to him, Ranpo can tell instantly it's not just to emphasise the act; their lack of cane is having a toll on them, presumably sending pain shooting through their leg, though they'd never admit it. Perhaps if they hadn't already been out all day, it wouldn't be a problem, but Ranpo moves his hands down to their back to support them further regardless. They don't verbalise their thanks, but they give his upper arm a light squeeze to express it, returning Ranpo to having nothing more to think about other than their soft lips and his jackrabbiting heart.
Surrounded by the heat of others and encased in a comforting blanket of sound, Ranpo almost forgets their goal. Almost.
Belatedly, he glances away from Dazai's fluttering eyelashes, and over to Chuuya. He's just in time to see him stand up and storm off, Albatross hot on his heels shooting them a glare. Only slightly reluctantly, Ranpo waits until they've disappeared from sight and pulls away from Dazai, panting for breath as he grins at them.
"Mission complete," he announces, reveling in the beam that spreads across their face. He raises his palm for them to hit, smile only widening at the light of success in their eyes as their hands connect.
"It'd probably be suspicious if we just left right away," Dazai says very slowly once Ranpo straightens up from retrieving their cane. "Want to party a bit?"
Ranpo can't seem to deny them. He lets them pull him into the throng of people, trying to ignore the knowledge settling in his heart, the knowledge that, with half of their goal complete, their fake relationship will be ending sooner rather than later.
He tries to tell himself it doesn't matter, that's it's just something faux to get them what they want. At the same time, he tries to savour this time with Dazai while he has it, contradicting his own thoughts. None of his internal argumemts stop his heart from sinking further and further, dropping into his shoes.
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In spite of the way exhaustion weighs down his limbs the next day, Ranpo can't bring himself to mind that he stayed behind at the party later. Memories of Dazai underneath the coloured lights seem to flit across his eyelids, only cementing his thankfulness that he stayed.
Ranpo powers his way through the day, ignoring his tiredness despite how monumental the task is. He's really too giddy at the thought of his own goal reaching completion (and Dazai returning to his side that evening) to even consider lying still in bed.
He sits and copies up some notes on a lecture he missed, but his mind wanders back to Dazai every time he gets focused. He debates a topic on his course with his mother over a cup of green tea, but she eventually turns their conversation towards that night's dinner. It's inescapable, no matter what he does to try and occupy his mind's traffic.
The clock ticks ever onwards, and the dinner creeps ever nearer, only making his hyperfocus on it stronger. With it so close, however, Ranpo can finally stop attempting to distract himself, and allow himself to be paralysed. He simply sits in the genken, staring at his house shoes decorated with fraying, minature cats, and waits.
The knock can't come soon enough, and Ranpo leaps to his feet. He insisted his parents wait in the dining room so he could greet Dazai alone, so he spends a moment fixing his hair before letting them in.
"Hey," he smiles, keeping his voice low due to having no doubt that his parents are straining their ears for anything they can manage to hear.
"Hi," Dazai greets with a smile, stepping inside and slipping their shoes off. They've dressed in a turtle neck jumper and are wearing glasses instead of contacts, clearly trying to amp up their nerd side. His parents will love them, he can already tell.
"My parents can be a bit much," Ranpo warns them. "I already told them to take it easy, but just let me know if you feel the need to go."
Dazai winces slightly at his words, but nods in agreement. They don't protest when Ranpo leads them further into the house, not bothering to stop and point things out until they reach the dining room.
The moment Ranpo's parents spot Dazai, they leap up from their chairs to greet them, peppering them with questions immediately.
"Let them breathe," Ranpo tells them. His tone remains light but, sensing the sincerity, they momentarily retreat as Dazai sits. His parents, of course, can't remain restrained for long, and resume the moment they've all expressed thanks for the food.
The dinner starts out with a tension in the air, not one born of animosity, but rather discomfort. It's thick all around them, but they all try to forget it exists.
"So when can we expect to meet your parents?" Ranpo's father asks excitedly, and he almost face palms at the many assumptions behind his words.
"Oh, uh, I'm not sure," Dazai excuses with a sheepish laugh. "They live several hours away."
"Are they not visiting you over the half-term?" his mother pries, entire body screaming expectant and demanding, which is when Ranpo steps in.
"Don't make assumptions like that, Kaa-chan," he reminds her dutifully, and despite her obvious disappointment that she can't know more, she does apologise.
In that moment, Ranpo braces himself for the evening to end in disaster. He can see it happening all too well in his mind's eye, can picture the dumpster fire this meal could become.
Ranpo finds himself pleasantly surprised, however, by the deliberate shift in conversation orchestrated by his father (who clearly also sees their dinner crashing and burning, and wants to swerve away from that ending).
He begins to ask Dazai about their major and the course they're studying. Their choice of literature to examine in their essays strikes a chord with his father, and their supposedly incredible work ethic (they're a huge procrastinator, putting off even the things they adore, but only they, Ranpo and Yosano know that) impresses his mother. The crisis is averted as the conversation turns warm and bubbly. There's still a layer of awkwardness to the interaction, but it's easily enough brushed over with the mood returned to cheerful.
The plates on the table gradually empty, chatter begins to dwindle, and before he knows it Ranpo is guiding Dazai to the door. His parents linger just out of earshot, and Dazai seems to know to keep their voice down.
"Success!" they whisper with a triumphant grin, eyes sparkling once more. Ranpo has to make the concious decision not to get lost in them.
"Success," Ranpo echoes. He high-fives Dazai once more, keeping the faux smile on his face throughout it. He smiles as he bids them farewell, and he doesn't let it drop even as they walk away. He maintains it as he pushes past his parents and returns to his room, until, at last, he can let it drop.
He drops to the floor, burying his closed eyes into the heels of his palms, and letting out a cry of frustration. One question consumes his mind, not letting any other thought get a word in edgeways: with both goals complete, where will that leave them? He is the fool here, the one who let his heart barge its way into their otherwise entirely fabricated arrangement.
Dazai swears off and ridicule love constantly; to them, passion is just a pun, the punchline of a bad joke. Will his love be seen in the same way? If it is, will he even get the chance to change their point of view?
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Ranpo's question is answered far sooner than he could've expected, and the response he recieves is brutal in every way.
When Dazai walks into the library on Monday, he can instantly tell that something is wrong. They're walking far slower than normal, as if trying to delay their inevitable contact with the table the three of them always sit at. The smile fixed on their face doesn't meet their eyes, and Ranpo braces himself as they sit beside him.
"There's a party next week," they begin instantly, cutting straight to the heart of the matter. Ranpo tries to swallow his nerves down, and purposefully blots out the sight of Yosano, also tensing up, in his peripheral vision. "It's both for and run by those graduating this year, and it's going to be huge."
"And?" Yosano asks quietly, when Ranpo remains silent.
"And it would be the perfect place to break up!" Dazai says with faux cheer, and it's as if Ranpo has been dealt a harsh blow to his stomach. "Literally everyone's invited, so everyone will find out about our drama, and trust me, we can make it super dramatic. We can have an entire fake argument with each other, and essentially crash the party!"
"Sounds fun," Ranpo forces himself to say. And it would be, if under different circumstances. Not only would it be an efficient way to ensure the news of the breakup spread, but it would also be incredibly entertaining to watch. Smiles would drop from faces all around them, the light atmosphere of the party would be shattered. Normally, it would be an opportunity Ranpo couldn't miss.
When it's with Dazai, though, it's different. Their arrangement has completed what it set out to do: his parents are finally giving him some space, no longer trying to micromanage his life, and he's helped to get back at Chuuya.
Yet the completion of his goal isn't what makes Ranpo feel warm when he thinks back on what they've done; it's all the times in between. No audience, no performance, just them.
Snickering together after spotting Chuuya's clenched fist when they passed him by. Revelling in the ease with which they could spread their relationship, enjoying every last performance they put on, overexaggerating every interaction between them to become the most obnoxious couple they know. Dazai teasing his ugly house slippers, and Ranpo making fun of their Sanrio lockscreen in return, and both of them laughing about it afterwards.
But Dazai scorns dating in university, looks down upon love as a whole, and Ranpo's feelings for them were never supposed to bloom.
Ranpo opens his mouth to agree to their idea. He prepares to bottle up the idiotic love within him, and shove it to the deepest corner of his heart. He'll treasure every moment of the last week he has with them, and then-
Yosano's heeled shoe collides with his foot, startling him from his thoughts. An intentional move, he can tell instantly.
"Ow!" Ranpo yells, shooting her a glare. "What was that for?!"
She just raises her eyebrows pointedly, and the message is clear. Don't be so stupid. Ranpo's eyes remain locked with hers, but she doesn't budge an inch. Suppressing a sigh, Ranpo turns back to face Dazai.
He stares at their nose, rather than into their eyes, and takes a deep breath, before rushing the words out all in one go. "Maybe we shouldn't break up."
It's like ripping a plaster off quickly. He can only hope Dazai will minimise the pain.
Their brows just furrow in response, and Ranpo's heart jackrabbits as they ponder his words. He expected a far greater reaction - an immediate rebuttal, or an enthusiastic agreement, not the quiet contemplation before him.
"Oh," Dazai says eventually, drawing the word out. They seem put out, eyes dark as they stare at a spot on the table. "Is it your parents?"
Ranpo's heart drops to the floor. "What?"
"I can still pretend in front of them, if you'd like," they offer. "We'll just break up at school."
Then they're standing up, gathering their things, and he's too shell shocked to even speak. In an instant, Ranpo has lost them, and he can't understand why.
"That's not what I-" he tries to say, standing up, too. When Dazai turns, though, and meets his eyes, the wind is ripped from Ranpo's sails. All he is met with when he stares at them is blank indifference, so he says dully, "Nevermind."
"Okay," Dazai agrees slowly. "See you guys tomorrow."
Without another word, or another glance, they turn on their heel and stride from the library, going as fast as they can, cane clattering against the ground. Ranpo is left to sink back into his seat, and Yosano reaches out towards him, comfort dripping from the gesture. Her sympathy, however much appreciated, does nothing to patch the gaping wound running across his heart.
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Making the most of every second with Dazai still at his side is much harder than Ranpo ever expected it to be. There's a distance beginning to grow between them, present even during their act as a couple. Not only do they kiss far less often, but Ranpo can sense a void of enthusiasm for the shared moments from Dazai every time.
The clock keeps marching relentlessly onward, and Ranpo's time left with them dwindles. Perhaps if he was certain their friendship would remain afterwards, every bell announcing the hour he hears wouldn't strike fear within him.
An awkwardness is already beginning to permeate their interactions, poisoning what they have. As they plan the details of their breakup together, running through every word an action, a deathly silence fills the gaps between the discussion, a mourning of what could've been.
And then it's time.
Every movement is achingly familiar as he prepares for the party. Ranpo pulls on and buttons up a shirt, actually makes an effort to tame his hair, and then meets up with Yosano on the way to Dazai's dormitory. The only new additions are the dread swallowing him whole, and the reluctance accompanying every step he takes.
Dazai looks just as stunning as they did for the last party, only this time the sight is like a slap to the face. Their makeup is far more dramatic than it was previously, and Ranpo can't help but wonder if it's part of their celebration that this is finally ending.
As they begin to traipse towards the party, solemn silence filling the air making it feel akin to a funeral march, Ranpo once more considers talking to them. He has no guarantee that they don't feel the same way, and he always got the feeling that their distaste for dating was created through bad experiences, rather than a hate for it in itself.
Then again, together they fooled everyone into believing they're in love. Ranpo is smart enough to see through them the rest of the time, but Dazai is, at their core, a phenomenal actor. All Ranpo has to go on is his gut, and so his lips remain sealed, in spite of the screaming within him to just speak.
He tries, he really does, but the words get stuck in his throat.
Elated yells and deafening music begin to overtake Ranpo's senses, and within what seems like seconds they've arrived. He shoots Dazai a glance out of the corner of his eye, noting the lack of anything on their face. They're a blank canvas, not willing to be filled. In stark contrast, he has fixed a mask over his own face, curating his expression into one of exaggerated joy.
Ranpo takes a deep, steadying breath, and steps forwards, sights set on the party. Dazai follows suit, right on his heels, but before they can move another inch forwards, a hand is grabbing the back of both of their outfits, and pulling.
Ranpo tries to twist around, but Yosano's grip on him is immovable as she drags him, and Dazai, backwards. His brows furrow in confusion for only a second before he figures it out.
"Yosano-" he tries to protest, but she cuts him off.
"For supposedly the smartest people I know, you're both really thick when it comes to emotions," she snaps, finally letting go of them once they've rounded a corner a safe distance from the party.
"What do you mean?" Dazai asks quietly. Something still seems off with them, but Ranpo's attention is yanked away from that when Yosano sighs, and pinches the bridge of her nose.
"I mean that neither of you want this-" she gestures back towards the party- "but you're both going along with it because you're too scared to admit that to each other. I, for one, am sick of it. Just talk to each other," she demands. "Spell out how you're feeling, because you're both being too blind to see it." When Dazai just shuffles on their feet awkwardly, she adds, "I'll leave you alone, but you two had better figure this out."
With that, and one final glare for good measure, she disappears from sight. Ranpo stares dully down at the pavement beneath them, dimly lit by the streetlights, before biting the bullet.
"I don't want to break up," he says shortly, before adding, "and not because of my parents."
Dazai's head, previously facing away from him, whips around. Their eyes are wide, but Ranpo only reads shock in the expression. There's no outrage, no exasperation; nothing negative at all.
"I don't either," they manage to say eventually, tone still uncertain. When the words are finally spoken aloud, Ranpo doesn't find himself surprised by them in the slightest. He's the smartest person he knows; he knew, deep down, that his reluctance to confess to them was due to him, not because of a doubt of their feelings in return.
He just didn't want to admit it. The behaviour was idiotic, he can see now.
"I knew that," Ranpo tells them. They just roll their eyes at his confidence, a hint of normalcy returning to their interaction.
They take a deep breath, just as he does when preparing for something, then look him straight in the eye.
"Are you going to kiss me for real, then?" Dazai asks, a real grin finally returning to their face. Despite the elation on their face, their voice remains neutral, as if they don't care for his answer. A protection for their heart, he can tell.
"I guess I am," Ranpo answers, stepping towards them, and reaching up to cup their face. They're still ridiculously cold, but he rather enjoys the sensation.
Physically, the kiss isn't that different to all the ones they've done before. The pace is quicker, their bodies closer, but it is the same in its essence.
It's different in the ways that matter, its truth shining through. Ranpo can sense the sparks flying between them, the electricity at every point they connect. His mind, too, is different, as if fireworks are bursting within it, sending bright light all throughout him. The night is cold, but inside he feels warm as their performance falls away, at long, long last.
When they do pull apart, it's only out of necessity. A lack of oxygen drives a wedge between the kiss, but not between them in themselves.
"Yosano is never going to let us live this down," Dazai whines, allowing their head to drop onto Ranpo's shoulder. His heart picks up from the gesture, but he just laughs lightly at their complaint.
"It is embarrassing," he agrees softly, once the chuckle has faded away. "But no one else can even know about it, at least. They'd never believe us, even if we did tell them how this all came about."
"True, but it's not for them anymore," Dazai points out. "It's for us now."
"It is," Ranpo agrees with a grin.
There's no big announcement to be made, for no one else matters to them now. The curtains have closed, and their performance is over.
Ranpo can tell, however, that there is so much good still to come, just waiting on the horizon.