Work Text:
Liam thought this may be his favorite place on Earth. He sat in the passenger seat of Noel’s rumbly old car, wrapped up in Noel’s coat, slightly too big on Noel but well-fitting on him, fuzzy fabric tickling his cold-reddened cheeks and swishing each time he shifted against the peeling faux leather.
He rested his head against the cold, foggy window and inhaled deeply. It was all so familiar: the smell of gasoline, the rumble of the engine, Noel’s tapes playing softly in the stereo. And, of course, Noel grousing from the driver’s seat.
“Really, you’ve got some nerve calling me after all that this morning. And making me come all the way out here to come get you after you ran off.”
As much as Liam wanted to argue, he knew he was right. After leaving the studio underprepared for the cold to “blow off steam” after another of countless petty arguments, when Liam eventually – and unsurprisingly – found himself shivering and alone in the snow on some unfamiliar street corner, the only number he could think to dial at the payphone was Noel’s.
He bit his tongue and gritted his teeth, staring pointedly out the window and gripping his sleeve tighter. “Sorry.”
“I’m serious, Liam, this is fucking ridiculous–” He paused. “What?”
Liam cast a narrow-eyed glance in his direction. “What?”
Noel had turned to look directly at him for the first time since he’d stepped foot inside the car. He looked incredulous, distrustful. “You never apologize.”
“Well, I am now, aren’t I? Eyes on the road.” He hated how bitter and nasty it came out.
“Right.” He also hated how short and disingenuous Noel’s response came.
Silence filled the space between them.
Liam often wished he weren’t so petulant, so reactive all the time. He should give a more heartfelt apology, a good thank you. He should tell Noel how much he appreciated all of this. If only it didn’t feel so strange and insincere coming from him. Noel was right, he never apologized. When he did, it sounded forced and overdone. Really, it was forced, but that didn’t mean he didn’t mean it. He’d just always been that way.
When they were younger, Liam would sit here in the same car – though often kicked to the backseat in favor of one of Noel’s friends – with the same cigarette and gasoline smell, rumbling engine, and tapes of whatever band Noel was currently obsessing over at the time. Too often, Liam found himself wishing Noel would just never stop driving, let him stay in his car forever, cradled by fake leather before it began to peel, rocked by the trembling of the car as it went, soothed by rock and roll. It warmed him.
“I really am,” he finally said.
“Oh.” Noel’s tone was softer now, somewhat contemplative, though still markedly grumbly. “‘Suppose that’s alright.”
If an apology wasn’t something often heard from Liam, an expression of forgiveness certainly wasn’t something often heard from Noel. Especially not toward Liam.
If he didn’t know any better, Liam might have suspected that Noel wasn’t quite as angry as he may have wanted him to believe. Or perhaps that his irritation was, although real, only coming from a place of worry. He grinned and turned to face him, back pressed to the car door.
“You care about me.”
“Do not,” Noel scoffed.
“You really do.”
“Fuck off.”
Liam chuckled under his breath.
“What’s funny? Nothing's funny about any of this.”
“Just admit it!”
“There’s nothing to admit!” As his voice began to rise, Liam could only grin harder.
“You just love me.”
Noel shook his head in what Liam knew to be feigned exasperation.
If any of it were true, he wouldn’t have driven all this way just to rescue Liam from the cold. Liam wouldn’t be wearing his coat in his passenger seat, blasted by his heater, listening to his intermittent whinging.
In the back of his mind, Liam wondered why things couldn’t be like this between them all the time. Setting aside the argument that came before, things didn’t feel so bad anymore, nor so far from the past.
He scooted over in his seat, not missing Noel’s glances out the corners of his eyes as he inched closer across the bench seat – God bless Noel’s dated old car – until their shoulders could touch. When Noel did not pull away or push him off, Liam laid his head on his shoulder.
Again, he felt smaller, younger. Like a child having run to Noel’s room in the middle of the night because he’d had a nightmare. Because Noel was bigger than he was, because he knew he would keep him safe, because he knew he would always be there regardless of how annoyed he got with him.
“D’you think I could stay over at yours tonight?” The words left his mouth before he could think to stop them.
Noel’s eyes did not leave the road. His brows remained still, furrowed just as they were before. “Yeah, whatever.”
Liam stared up at him with wide eyes, searching for something he couldn't quite identify in his expression – or lack thereof. Perhaps some kind signal that Noel really meant it, really wanted him there. He was certain Noel felt it and deliberately chose to ignore him.
He whined and burrowed his face deeper into the crook of his neck.
“God, you’re such a child,” Noel huffed. He leaned away from him.
Liam opened his mouth to complain, then just as quickly shut it as Noel settled back in, now with an arm wrapped around Liam’s back and a hand on his shoulder, thumb rubbing automatically in small, gentle circles. Liam melted back into the touch and, again, found himself wishing Noel would never stop driving. Let him stay there forever, safe and warm in Noel’s coat and car and arms. He let his eyes fall shut.
“You love me.” He spoke quietly this time.
The corner of Noel's lip tugged upward, aware there was no plausibly denying it now, even if he had wanted to.