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Charles never thought of himself as jealous, that was before port Townsend. The whole ordeal of that time was hell not only literally. After they got back to London Charles had a lot of time to think and to reflect, which meant he actually had the time to reflect on everything Edwin had told him on those stairs. It had made him come to the realization that he was insanely jealous. He didn’t know why, which is why he ended up where he is now.
Charles was sitting on Niko’s bed looking up at the girl having just explained his emotions and thoughts after he got home. He was waiting for her to say something, anything.
‘’Niko please just say something or Crystal. Just please either of you talk’’
‘’Charles are you truly this big of an idiot’’ Crystal said
He looked towards Niko for support.
‘’Hey don’t look at me! I’m with her on this’’
’’What? Why?’’
‘’Charles when did you get the most jealous?’’ Crystal asked, seeming annoyed.
‘’When we met the cat king, when I first met Monty, any time Edwin an Monty would hang out, anytime Edwin talks about either of them’’
‘’So who are you jealous of?’’
‘’Edwin obviously, he made new friends like it was nothing’’
‘’Oh Charles no’’ Niko said sadly ‘’look this is something you have to figure out on your own, I wish I could help you more but I can’t. If you have questions I can always answer them’’
‘’Thanks Niko for talking to me, I just ugh I don’t know why I’m so jealous. I never was , not when I was alive and not in the past 35 years of afterlife’’
‘’Charles, I mean this with all my heart. You are such an idiot’’ Crystal replied dryly
‘’You’ve said so, I just don’t get why’’
‘’you’ll know when you figure this out’’
He and Crystal had broken up a few months ago, after Crystal realised she was into Niko. Not that Charles minded, he saw it coming both because he saw how Crystal looked at Niko and because he knew a dead boy and a leaving girl would never last no matter how much he wanted to. He thinks he did love her at some point, just not the way he thought at the time. He will always love her just not romantically. They were still really good friends.
After saying his goodbyes to Niko and Crystal he hopped through the mirror in Niko’s room, when he got back to the office he saw Edwin laying on the couch reading a book. ‘He barely ever looks so peaceful, he’s so beautiful like this’ Charles thought to himself. Wait, what? I mean sure Edwin is beautiful but everyone could see that, he has just never looked this beautiful to Charles.
‘’Oh welcome back Charles, I had barely heard you come back. The cat king dropped by earlier and brought a bouquet of flowers with him, I know you don’t really like him but I still think it’s a sweet gesture’’
Just Edwin mentioning that name got his blood boiling, metaphorically that is. Yes it is sweet that he bought flowers but god that didn’t make Charles like the fucker any more, he just didn’t understand why he hated the cat king so much. Sure he was a bit of a creep but besides that he seemed nice enough.
‘’yes that is nice of him’’
‘’how was your talk with Niko and Crystal?’’
‘’Pretty good’’ except that I still don’t know why I get so jealous. Charles thought to himself.
Edwin just hummed at that, Charles couldn’t really place what emotion came off Edwin at that moment. Something close to anger or annoyance but neither quite fit.
Edwin went back to reading and Charles, well he just ended up kind of staring at Edwin.
He looked calm, like the book didn’t need him to focus too much but was still enjoyable. He looked pretty when he was calm, kind of serene like some sort of angel. Wait since when does he think of Edwin as pretty? I mean he is everyone can see that, but since when did Charles take note of these things? He doesn’t know, he kind of thinks he's always done it. It’s normal for mates to notice how pretty the other is, right?
right at that moment Edwin moved his arm and his shirt rode up a bit revealing part of his stomach, fuck Edwin is hot. Wait hold on, what the fuck was that? Sure he could acknowledge that Edwin is pretty but hot, he is but that’s not the point. He had never really thought about this before and now, well it was like it hit him in the face. He kind of wanted to run to Crystal and Niko again, but he also knew the girls deserved some alone time. So instead he went to the roof to think, he liked sitting up there to calm his mind. If he wasn’t already dead it might worry his friends with how often he sat up there.
He knew he had a lot to think of, but for some reason he couldn’t. It’s like his thoughts were behind this invincible wall, waiting to come out but not being able to. So instead he just looked at the sun going under.
It was almost as pretty as Edwin. There he went again thinking of Edwin, it was like that was the only thing on his mind since… well since Hell. Yes Edwin is hot and smart and so beautiful, but that shouldn’t have to mean he should be on his mind 24/7. He also thought Crystal was all those things but he didn’t think about her that much. Wait. Wait a damn minute. He thought of Edwin the same way he used to think about Crystal. But he liked Crystal romantically at the time, did he think of Edwin romantically?
Maybe? he wasn’t sure. He had thought those things about Edwin more recently, to an obsessive amount. Fuck, he might need to talk to Niko and Crystal again.
He walked back into their office to let Edwin know he was going to go back to Niko's apartment but when he got there there was a note laying on the desk.
“Dear Charles” it read. “I am at the cat king's place at the moment, to say thanks for the flowers. I did not want to bother you while you were on the roof, it looked like you had a lot to think about. That is why I am writing this note. I shall be back shortly.’’
Charles flipped the note over and wrote his own note to tell Edwin he was back at Niko’s.
“Dear Edwin, I’m going back to Niko. I realised I forgot to tell her about one of our recent cases and I think she would love to hear about it.”
He checked it over once more before hopping through the mirror.
He stepped out of the mirror and into Niko’s bedroom with his eyes closed and said.
“Is it safe to open them?”
After almost walking in on his friends once already he has started walking in with his eyes closed and asking if it’s okay that he is there.
“Yes Charles it’s okay, we kind of expected you would be back’’
He opened his eyes and immediately started talking about what he had just realised.
“Okay so when I got back to the office Edwin was just reading on the couch and when I saw him my first thought was ‘he is so beautiful like this’ and after that the thoughts just kept coming and coming and I realised I think of him the same way I thought of Crystal before we started dating.” Charles said all of this in one breath. He doesn’t really need breath but it still felt weird to say that much in one go.
“Which leads me to think I might be in love with Edwin” he finished, slower this time and a lot softer as well.
“Might be or are?” Crystal asked him.
He thinks that might be part of the reason why he fell for her, she gets straight to the point.
“I… I am” he finally said after thinking for a little bit.
It felt weird to finally admit it, good but still weird. Oh god, what was he going to do now?
“Okay, so confess to him” Niko said.
“I don’t think it will be that easy”
“He did confess to you on the stairs from Hell didn’t he?’’ Crystal said.
“Yes he did but how do you know that? Because I did not tell you”
“I told her, after Edwin told me. Which is also how I know that confessing will go fine” Niko said
“But you can’t be sure”
“Yes I can, Edwin still talks to me about how much he likes you. He just doesn’t say anything to you because he thinks you still like Crystal”
That explains the weird emotions he saw pass over Edwin's face earlier in the day.
“I’m still not fully sure”
“Look Charles, he’s still in love with you now but he might not be anymore in 10 or more years. I know those years feel like nothing for you but with things like this it might not” Crystal said.
She was right, of course she was right. But that didn’t make it any less scary, it’s his best friend they were talking about. He couldn’t lose that, couldn’t lose him. If he lost him it would take half his soul with him. Edwin means everything to him, would mean everything until the end of everything they know and will ever know.
“I just can’t lose him. I don’t think I would survive if I lost him.”
“You won’t lose him, not if you confess now” Niko told him with a determined look on her face.
“I know both of you are right, I’m just so scared”
“Then explain that to him, tell him you love him but that you’re also terrified to lose him.” Crystal said
“I’ll try”
And with that Charles walked back into the mirror and back to the office. When he got there Edwin wasn’t back yet. So he quickly scratched out the note and wrote under it “I’m at the roof, come look for me once you’re back”.
He sat on the ledge for hours, the sun had just started to rise again when he heard Edwin.
“You told me to look for you?”
“Yes, I uuh. Well, I had something I wanted to tell you”
“Well go on then”
“I’m in love with you”
“Charles 6 months ago you told me you didn’t love me like that”
“Yeah so about that, I may not have known back than that I am in love with you and probably have been for years”
“When did you even realise this?”
“Probably about 8 hours ago. I know it hasn’t been that long, but I just had to tell you. I’m terrified of losing you but keeping it in would’ve been so much worse. I don’t think I could’ve handled seeing you fall in love with someone else, I’m already so jealous of the cat king.”
“You are jealous? Of the cat king?”
“Yes, he clearly likes you and he just keeps flirting. I was also jealous of Monty”
“Well you were kind of right to, he did kiss me”
“He what?”
“He kissed me, in the forest right before he sacrificed us to Esther”
“I can’t believe he kissed you before me”
“He was my first kiss as well”
“He’s what?”
Charles felt so much anger well up in him, he didn’t like feeling angry. Feeling angry made him think about his dad, which never ended well.
“I would much rather have it have been you, but well it happened on accident”
“Edwin you better shut up now, because I am going to kiss you”
And he did, he walked over to Edwin, grabbed his bow tie and kissed him. Slow and without tongue at first, until Edwin gasped. Charles slowly pushed his tongue towards Edwin's mouth, in a way that let Edwin pull back if he didn’t want to do this. He didn’t pull back. Even if they did not need breath they could still feel breathless, so after a bit they pulled apart to catch their breath.
“I had not said this yet, but I love you to Charles Rowland”