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In the late hours of the night, Claude found himself unable to sleep. It wasn’t a rare occasion for slumber to slip away from his grasp, dancing off his fingertips and waltzing into the night air. But when silence should have brought him comfort, it brought overwhelming apprehension instead. Everything around him intensified–the sound of the crickets rubbing their legs together, the scratching and patting of stray cats playing atop stacks of crates, the push and pull of waves dancing from winds blowing the waters of the fishing pond. It all grew louder and louder and louder… until the sound of his own blood rushing through his veins was the only thing left trying to drown out the noises of the outside world.
He pushed himself up from the bed, wiping beads of sweat off his forehead as he swung his legs over the edge of the mattress. Sliding on his boots, one foot at a time as he approached his door, he swung the heavy wood open and carefully closed it behind him so as to not awaken his (hopefully) sleeping neighbors. The lock clicked softly and he managed to take two steps before the sound of his name slipped past the lips of someone behind him.
“Claude?”
He paused, shoulders tensing from the presence of unexpected company. He was almost certain that everyone would be sleeping by now; or in a few rare cases, occupied with tending to another who was aiding in the act of keeping their bed warm. But no, when he turned around he was met with none other than Dimitri; the prince standing just outside his door, his outfit mirroring Claude’s with his sleepwear and uniform boots.
“Good evening, your princeliness. Looking good,” Claude greeted with a wink.
Dimitri blinked slowly as though waking from a daze before he looked down at himself. His cheeks darkened bashfully, noticeably so even under the dim glow of the candles, and his stare was directed towards Claude again. “Given your own appearance, it would seem that this is the dress code of the evening,” he responded lightly.
Claude huffed a chuckle, the corners of his lips just barely curving up with amusement. “Where are you off to in this late hour? Going to meet with some lucky girl?” He asked, figuring that if he gained the upper hand in this conversation, he could redirect the attention away from himself long enough to escape without question.
Dimitri stayed silent though, his lips pressed tightly together, and this made Claude’s chest tighten with an emotion he had yet explored.
“Oh…” Claude followed up, taking Dimitri’s silence as confirmation. “Let me not keep you any longer. But, if I were you, maybe I’d change into something more appealing if I was going to see my secret lover-”
“I’m not going to see a secret lover, Claude,” Dimitri was suddenly quick to defend, taking the archer back by surprise.
“A not-so-secret lover then.” Claude couldn’t help but grin, the ghost of sweat on the back of his neck cooling. “I gotta give you some credit, you’ve kept them hidden pretty wel-”
“I cannot sleep,” he was interrupted, breathing deep before Claude could get another word in. “I cannot sleep and had planned on going for a walk in hope of clearing my head and exhausting myself.”
In turn, Claude hummed softly, acknowledgement without response. The two of them stood there, a moment of shared glances exchanged while Claude figured an quip to Dimitri’s truth a passing moment later.
“I suppose that makes two of us then,” Claude said, deciding to match truth for truth. “Sleep could not find me nor could I find it. I found myself bothered by a growing silence in my room. Did you know that silence could be so loud?” He said, a tone that suggested he was jesting though wearing an expression that said otherwise.
“I know exactly the type of silence you speak of,” Dimitri agreed, his own expression relaxing. “Would you like to join me then? It seems we both can use the walk. That is, if you have no other plans already.”
Claude couldn’t deny his muscles clenching at the idea of joining Dimitri. He intended to keep to his own, to embrace the night for all she had to offer and find peace within his own solitude. Yet he couldn’t bring himself to say no, not when it was Dimitri of all people asking. So instead, Claude responded, immediately and thoughtless, “I would love to.”
Dimitri smiled, one that Claude had seen him give to many of their peers. But he could have sworn there was a different look to his eyes… “Let us go before anyone finds us,” the prince said, taking the lead in walking ahead of him.
“The crowned prince of Faerghus sneaking around late at night, with the soon-to-be Duke of Liecester, who would’ve guessed. Looks like Edelgard was right when she said I was a bad influence on you,” Claude said as he met Dimitri’s side, earning a soft and sincere laugh from him.
And gods how he wanted to hear that laugh more…
They walked down the corridor and into the night. The grounds were bathed in moonlight where clouds had since passed, tinted with shades of white and hues of blue under its shine. The crickets were even louder now, clearer, almost as if Claude could pinpoint where they were. Though he didn’t mind it this time around. They didn’t bother him. Nothing bothered him now that he was able to breathe properly again in the open air. The scent of grass and distant rain filled his lungs, bringing about some nostalgia, and he relaxed.
Their walk started straight ahead, passing the greenhouse and the fishing pond. They made their way along the marketplace and were already heading to their next direct destination when Dimitri was the first one to speak up again.
“Do you usually have trouble sleeping?” He asked, words seeming louder in the dead of night.
“Sometimes,” Claude said after a brief moment of thought. “Some nights are harder than others. Sometimes I’m too invested in a book or reflecting on the day. Other nights, I lay in bed until I grow too tired to stay awake.” He paused, hesitant to add that those were the nights he was filled with fear of someone watching, waiting to pounce and attack, as so many times have happened before. Instead, he turned his attention to Dimitri and watched the moonlight highlight his features, casting a soft glow over his hair and reflecting in his eyes- “What about you?”
Dimitri didn’t say anything, at least not as quickly as Claude had. He remained silent, allowing their steps against the pebbled ground to provide a natural soundtrack to their night. But his expression was pensive, considerate, and Claude wondered what excuse was stirring about in his mind. Thankfully, it wasn’t long and soon he had come up with an answer for Claude.
“Yes, I often find trouble sleeping. There is not much that brings me comfort in the late hours of the evening. I am often troubled by the memories, concerns, and… fear. As you know, we have a growing amount of responsibilities to uphold and every day I wonder if I am worthy to step up and take what is to be mine. There are people’s lives at stake, in my hands.”
Claude listened carefully to how Dimitri vocalized his personal thoughts. What seemed to be a general expression of concern turned into a release that the prince simply could not stop himself from. Nor did he think to stop him from spilling these thoughts either. It was evident that there was something bothering Dimitri, something beyond either of their control.
“You know, I can relate. Not entirely to the whole ‘lives are at stake in my hands’ part, but the part about being troubled by memories,” Claude confessed himself, continuing despite his mind screaming at him to stop. “I don’t really like to share my past with anyone, but I think you might be one of few people who I can trust with this oh so valuable information,” he winked at Dimitri.
“Claude,” Dimitri murmured. “You don’t have to share your past if you’re uncomfortable with doing so. I did not share my own feelings to withdraw information from you.”
Claude waved his hand dismissively, “And I’m not sharing my own history because you shared some insight about yours. I truly mean it when I say that you are one of few people who I trust. The only other people I trust are my own mother and Leila.”
“Leila?”
“She’s a baby albino wyvern I’ve been taking care of in the stables. Don’t tell Seteth though, he’ll freak out if he learns there was a baby amongst the adults. But they’ve taken a liking to her and have already treated her as their own!”
Dimitri blinked, a laugh bubbling up in his chest and escaping in short huffs. Claude felt his heart clench, his chest tighten at the sound, and he couldn’t help but laugh too. It was only when they heard their laughter bounce off the buildings around them that they were quick to try to stop themselves in fear of a guard hearing them.
“You have many secrets, don’t you, Claude,” Dimitri asked, a childlike grin settling on his lips.
“More than you can imagine,” Claude responded.
They made their way to the gazebo, carefully pushing open gates that were closed as a safety precaution. Something about how it would delay and capture an intruder, though Claude was sure a skilled assassin would be able to bypass a simple garden gate. He slowed his steps, taking note how Dimitri mirrored his actions.
“I wasn’t really all that liked as a kid,” he started, sliding his hands into his pockets and finding comfort in concealing some part of himself as he revealed more from within. “I didn’t exactly fit in back home either. Kids disliked me and adults hated me because I was… different. Not different in a bad way either; because how could a kid getting to know the world be bad? I was just. Different.”
Dimitri listened intently to what Claude was saying, his eyes focused on him. He frowned at the phrase, and Claude figured he said something that struck a chord with him. The feeling of being shunned, being outcasted, for something that wasn’t his fault or doing… Perhaps it was something more people than he thought could relate to.
“Because of this, I had more than a handful of attempts on my life. Some from strangers but majority from those closest to my family. In fact, I think the strangers were hired by my family members, or by a servant even. I was a blemish, one of my aunts said. And some nights I lay awake and think she was right.” He laughed bitterly.
“To think… Calling a child no older than eight, a blemish on his family who he loved. But if you ask me, I think she hated all my siblings and I. She just wanted the cr-” He paused, cutting himself off before he could reveal too much. “She just wanted the crowd’s attention for herself, for her son.”
They approached the looming curve of the gazebo’s entrance while Claude spoke. There, they leaned against the arches on either side, staring at each other. He knew Dimitri could see the hardened expression that overcame his face, one void of showing any emotion that may have told him what was on his mind. He exhaled, trying to find the right words to say next.
“It’s unfortunate when your own family turns against you,” Dimitri piped up. “It must have been rough, you shouldn’t have had to go through that at such a young age. Nor anyone should at any age.”
“Tell that to my aunt,” Claude responded lightly.
“I think I will,” Dimitri said, and Claude chuckled.
“There are better ways of telling me you’d like to meet my family,” Claude teased, smirking once he saw a tint of pink dust over Dimitri’s cheeks.
“I- No, that’s not-”
“It’s okay, I think they would like meeting you. After all, strength is something they value and I’m sure you’ll have no trouble showing them that.”
“Claude,” Dimitri scolded, earning another laugh from the archer.
“Only teasing you, your princeliness.”
Dimitri narrowed his eyes at him, but if he had to be honest he couldn’t be too upset. Deep down inside, maybe he did want to meet Claude’s family. To know those besides his grandfather by name and name alone. To know the aforementioned siblings or the terrible aunt who spoke such bad things about him. He wanted to meet his mother who Claude only spoke highly of and his father who seemed to have been a headache of his own but a joy to be around nonetheless.
The more Dimitri thought about it, the more he realized that perhaps he did want to be part of Claude’s life more than he let on.
He opened his mouth to talk, to say something on par with his jest, but the sound of thunder crashing in the distance stopped him. The sound alone made the both of them turn their heads, never mind the shaking of the ground that accompanied it.
“Thunder?” Claude asked.
“It would seem so.”
“We should start heading back to the dormitory.”
Dimitri nodded and they both pushed themselves away from the arches that now held their secrets, both shared and unspoken.
Their pace was quicker this time, encouraged by the urgency of the weather closing in on them by the view of clouds creeping closer together. However, the rain was unforgiving and spared not a second longer before beginning to pour and shower over the Monastery. Claude made a sound at the impact of the chilly rain against his skin, moaning with displeasure as his eyes darted around for another escape route.
“Forget the dormitory, we need to find cover now,” he called out, grabbing Dimitri’s hand to drag him off to the closest walkway he could find.
Standing under the cover of the Knights Hall walkway, they soon found that it wasn’t enough with the winds blowing the rain at an angle. The lords looked at each other, a wordless agreement between them as they turned around and sprinted towards the shelter of the Knights Hall itself.
Another crash of thunder clapped as they pushed open the doors, causing them to jump in their steps as they entered. Or at least caused Claude to jump; though he liked to think he wasn’t the only one. The room was dark and the air was damp, further chilling them alongside their rain-soaked clothes. A breeze flew in and, without even having to ask, they closed the doors behind themselves.
“We may have to wait for the rain to lighten up,” Dimitri said quietly. “If we attempt to go through other buildings, we will without a doubt be caught by the guards and word will surely get back to Seteth.”
“And I would hate to see what Seteth would do if he found two house leaders sneaking around, late at night, together,” Claude teased.
“Claude.”
He couldn’t see him clearly, but that tone was enough to help him picture the familiar expression Dimitri always gave him–a pointed stare and a disapproving frown that would be contradicted by amusement in his eyes.
“I’m just messing with you,” Claude said. “Here, lemme try to light up the place. I can’t see your disapproving expression properly in this dark.”
He heard Dimitri hesitate with his words, a stutter strung together like he couldn’t figure out how to respond. Claude grinned and snapped his fingers, casting a fire spell to ignite the hanging candlestick closest to them. Once he was able to see the others, he repeated the action until they were all lit.
“You’ve taken up magic?”
“Only a handful of spells. They come in handy when you don’t have the proper tools at your disposal. You should try it sometime.”
“Perhaps,” Dimitri responded, almost absentmindedly.
Stepping further into the Knights Hall, they made a beeline for the fireplace, now able to avoid any obstacles like tables, chairs, and candle holders. Claude wasted no time with lighting the fireplace, dropping before it to hold his hands out in an attempt to gather warmth from its burning embers. By his side, Dimitri sat on the floor.
“Do you suppose someone will find us here?” Dimitri asked, holding his hands out in a similar fashion.
“Not a chance; the rain and clouds will cover up any smoke that’ll get through the chimney, and I doubt the guards are checking every closed door right now.”
The fire crackled, roaring quietly as the wood split and burned. Once his hands felt warm enough, Dimitri brought his knees to his chest, arms loosely hung around them. Claude, on the other hand, pushed himself back just enough to stretch out one leg, the other with his knee bent upwards to keep his arm propped up.
“When do you think the rain will lighten up?” Claude asked after some seconds passed.
“I’m not sure. Perhaps in an hour?” Another crash of thunder clapped. “Perhaps two.”
Claude brought his free hand up to undo his braid. He squeezed the locks of excess water; all the while, Dimitri caught the action from the corner of his eyes and looked over to him, watching in silence. When Claude finally noticed his gaze, he raised an eyebrow. “Something wrong?”
“No!” He exclaimed suddenly, flinching at the volume of his own voice. “No,” he repeated quietly. “I… realize that I’ve never seen you with your braid undone before.”
“Oh.” Claude glanced at the loose strands of his hair tangled around his fingertips before letting them go. “I don’t usually keep it undone. Only when I’m about to sleep or if I lose the cuff–which has happened more times than I’d care to admit.”
Dimitri let out a breath of a laugh and Claude felt the corners of his lips tug upwards against his will.
“Now that I know you like it, maybe I’ll keep it loose around you more often,” Claude said, nudging his shoulder against Dimitri’s arm.
“I would like that,” Dimitri answered with what seemed to be full sincerity, something that took Claude by surprise. Before he could even come up with a witty remark or an excuse to switch conversations, Dimitri cut him off and continued, “You look rather lovely with it loose. B-But of course, don’t let me decide what you choose to do with your hair! It’s yours to do as you please-”
Claude had to bite his tongue so as not to laugh, holding back the words that entered his mind from within its shadows.
He’s too cute.
“Now now, what’s this? Is the prince flirting with little ol’ me?” He teased.
“If by little old you, you mean the future Duke,” Dimitri said, his voice stern. But Claude could see that his face was soft, his eyes gentle. “Then… yes.”
Claude liked to think that he wasn’t one to be caught off guard often. If anything, he preferred to be the one that caught other people off guard. But this confession, this simple phrase, it left him lost for words. He stared at Dimitri, unsure where exactly to stare actually. His eyes bounced from his eyes, to his lips, to his hair, shoulder, nose, eyes again, lips again, lingering on his lips, lingering on his eyes…
“I apologize, that was rather crass of me to say,” Dimitri said, his voice just above a whisper. But Claude did not care. Especially not when he could see Dimitri’s eyes wandering as well.
“Nothing to apologize for,” Claude responded, his eyes not daring to move away from Dimitri’s, watching how the flames danced in his eyes.
It was that very action, however, that distracted Claude from the fact that those eyes were coming closer. Once he registered it, he felt his own body being dragged closer by Dimitri’s magnetizing pull.
Their noses brushed against one another, both exhaling and shivering under the warm breath that brushed against their lips. Dimitri lifted a hand and Claude felt his fingers brush back his undone braid, tucking it behind his ear. Those same fingers trailed down his face, caressing his jaw. Claude swallowed.
“If this is too much, please let me know,” Dimitri whispered.
“On the contrary, I think it’s not enough,” Claude responded no louder than him.
“May I kiss you, Claude?”
Wordlessly, Claude tilted his head up and met Dimitri’s lips with his own. Warmth traveled through him, stronger than any flame they could have burned that night. It was gentle, quick to end when Claude pulled away. He had his fair share of kisses over the years; potential suitors and temporary flings. But they never felt like this. They never felt… like Dimitri.
The prince kept his hold on Claude’s face, cupping his cheek with more fingertips than palm. Almost as though he was scared he would break under his touch. Claude brought his hand to his and urged him to come closer, tilting his face into the palm.
Dimitri exhaled shakily, then Claude felt his lips against his once more. This kiss less gentle than the last. He could feel the press of his lips more firmly against him, hungry for his mouth. Claude grabbed onto Dimitri’s arm, pulling him closer, breathing into their kiss. He parted his lips and Dimitri was quick to slide his tongue into his mouth. A sound of pleasure came from deep within Claude’s throat, his own tongue meeting Dimitri’s.
And as they kissed, fervently, passionately, Claude realized that this was something he wanted all along. Something that perhaps they both longed for.
Stolen glances from across the lawn. Jests and tricks for the sheer sake of earning a laugh. Disappointed frowns with amused stares. The way they would brush against each other while walking side by side, blaming unpaved paths and fatigue for such contact.
It all came flooding into Claude; and soon, he felt he was ready to burst.
Claude pulled himself away from Dimitri again, this time his hand keeping a firm grasp on his bicep. He would have to chastise himself later for the thoughts that came rushing in his head at the feel of his firm muscles underneath his hand.
“Is everything alright?” Dimitri asked, eyes wide with concern. “Have I made you uncomfortable?”
“No,” Claude breathed. “Not at all. I’m in fact very comfortable right now. Perhaps too comfortable.” He said, the words stringing themselves behind one another. “I. This. We. Us.” He paused, closing his eyes for but a moment to gather himself, his thoughts. But instead of a coherent thought, he asked with a laugh, “What are we doing?”
Dimitri blinked, sharing a sound of amusement. “I don’t know,” he admitted, the words falling into the air between them. “I don’t know,” he repeated more quietly. “I looked at you, and I couldn’t help myself.”
Claude felt Dimitri’s fingers circle the nape of his neck, drawing warmth to that spot. “I guess I can say the same.”
“How long?”
“I’m sorry?”
“How long have we blinded ourselves?”
A pause, and Claude shook his head, hand sliding up to rest on his shoulder. “If only I could tell you, your princeliness.”
He leaned in, kissing Dimitri again, soft and swift with more affection than he ever knew he was capable of holding. This was… new. Exciting. And much too terrifying for him to accept in one night.
Claude settled back next to Dimitri’s side, their arms now pressed against each other as they sat next to one another. Eyes focused on the flames, a million thoughts raced through Claude’s head.
Was this something he truly wanted to pursue?
Was it the rain and the warmth of the flames playing tricks on his mind?
No. This was something that was always under his skin, growing larger with every passing day that he spent with Dimitri. Perhaps this all began from the very beginning when they met; the way Claude’s curiosity piqued at the silence he brought and kept so tightly to himself. The way he was determined to get him to talk, to smile, to laugh.
It was never a when, but an always.
Claude rested his head against Dimitri’s shoulder, feeling the weight of his head rest against the top of his in turn. They stood like that until the flames withered to smoke and the tapping of rain quieted down. Though even then they did not make much of an effort to leave immediately, because leaving the Knights Hall meant facing the obstacle of leaving this moment behind or confronting it head on. And Claude wasn’t sure he was ready for either.
It was Dimitri who stood up first, careful to not disrupt Claude. Once standing, he offered his hand to Claude, who pulled himself up before brushing off whatever dust or dirt covered his nightwear.
“We should get back before anyone finds our absence,” Dimitri said.
“Right.”
“Very well, then let us go.”
Neither one of them moved, instead their fingers interlocked with one another. Claude inhaled deeply, sure of two things: He must have swallowed dust that was floating in the air, and that he was completely unsure of what he wanted to do next. The latter of which weighed down his stomach.
“Are you alright, Claude?” Dimitri asked, and he wished he didn’t like how his name sounded on his lips.
“I’m fine. Great. Wonderful, in fact!” Claude responded in a rush.
Dimitri looked at him, eyebrows furrowed. Claude feigned peace, a smile meeting his expression but even he knew it was faker than the one he gives everyone.
At the same time he started saying “Look about the-” Dimitri also said “Is this about-?”
They both stopped, gaze unwavering.
“I don’t regret it,” Claude said soon after. He felt the hold on his hand tighten, a comforting wave passing up his arm. “But if this is something you want, then you have to let me know-”
“It is.” Dimitri interrupted. “It is something I very much want. There are many things I’ve been unsure of, as well as many things I feel I am unworthy of. This bond of ours to be one of those things. But I would be a liar and a fool if I were to deny just how much I would like to explore this with you, Claude.” He looked at him with a determined glint to his eyes, just as he would have if talking about a victory he was confident in ensuring.
“However, is this something you are willing to explore with me?” He asked.
Claude pressed his lips tightly. It wasn’t even a formal declaration, yet his heart was beating fast all the same. Dimitri wasn’t like the others, this much he knew to be true. So how bad could it be? To explore, as he put it. To find out if this was the connection he had been seeking out underneath all his schemes and lies.
“Only if you promise me one thing,” he answered.
“Of course. What is it?”
“You let me win the next mock battle.” Claude smirked.
“...Anything but that.”
“Why not?”
“You must earn your victory just as the rest of us.”
Claude huffed, “You’re not going to make this easy, are you?”
“Oh, like you have made things easy for me in all the time we’ve known each other?” Dimitri smiled.
Claude couldn’t help but smile back. “I look forward to getting to know you better, Dimitri.”
“As do I, Claude.”