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Poe always preferred the term “obstacle” over “problem”. Obstacles can be overcome, they can even be fun to overcome, like suddenly finding yourself with only one engine to power you around a planet when you are low on fuel enough as it is. Problems, however tend to stick around, and are decidedly not fun to deal with.
That’s why Poe is only panicking slightly over his current situation. He refuses to call it a problem, but it sure as hell isn’t fun.
Finn and Poe have started dating. They eat meals together, they run drills together, they spend every extra minute they have with one another, and Poe couldn’t be happier. A feeling of worry that runs underneath it though, that Poe can never seem to put to the side. He’s knows the day is coming when he’ll have to bring it up to Finn, but he doesn’t want to.
Poe doesn’t know what Finn wants from a relationship, and he doesn’t know what the first Order even allowed him to do up until this point, but either way, Poe is pretty sure he can’t give Finn exactly what he wants.
***
It’s five minutes past the time Finn said he would be coming by Poe’s room, and the pilot is not doing a great job at remaining calm. He paces around the room, adjusting every little thing that seems “off.” He hums songs to keep his mind occupied, but it doesn’t work.
A knock comes on the door and Poe jumps up to unlock it. Finn is standing there, a smile on his face. “Sorry I’m late.” He says stepping in and giving Poe a kiss.
Poe melts a little where he’s standing and sighs as they pull away. “No worries” But of course he’s lying.
It takes almost no time for them to end up in Poe’s bed cuddling. The two men lay pressed up against one another, legs intertwined, hands running over each other. They kiss slowly, and Poe is in fucking heaven. This is what he’s wanted to do almost since the first time he met Finn, and now he gets to do it all the time.
Finn, however, seems to want to do more. His hands move down to Poe’s hips, and before the pilot realizes it, his fingers are lifting up the fabric of this shirt to reveal his smooth stomach. It’s as if Poe’s mind takes a step back away from him. He had been enjoying himself up until this point, but he doesn’t want anything more.
Poe looks down at Finn who’s pressing kisses against his ribs with those gorgeous, big lips of his. The pilot sighs and thinks to himself for probably the hundredth time in his life that he must be crazy to have a person this beautiful in front of him, kissing and touching him in all sorts of ways, and Poe not wanting to do any of it. He knows he’s not crazy, Poe knows it’s something else and he’s mostly ok with it. Right now, though, he’s just frustrated with himself.
He closes his eyes and tries to let himself just go with it, and for a moment, he does. He can almost feel the beginning of warmth take him over, a pleasant burn he’s only felt a few times in his life…
But it’s gone, replaced by a small canyon between what Poe wants and what he wants to want. He tries to get it back, that warm sensual feeling he knows Finn has towards him right now, but it’s like trying to rock climb a flat wall.
Finn’s fingers begin to play at his waistband, and that’s when Poe sits up.
“Um, Finn, hold on.”
Finn looks up quickly. “What’s up? Am I doing this right?"
Poe blinks and panics “No-I mean, yes-I mean, you’re fine! Look, ” He sighs and looks away. He hates this part. This part has ended relationships before they even began with Poe, and he doesn’t want that to happen with Finn. “I don’t really want to do this right now. Is that ok?”
The other man starts to look worried. "You mean, you don’t want to date me?”
Poe’s eyes go wide and he sits up “No! That’s not it at all.”
“Ok,” Finn doesn’t look any less nervous “Well, was I doing something wrong?”
The pilot shakes his head “No, Finn, you’re amazing. Seriously, your kisses are great, and you’re a total babe, and I don't want to be with anyone else. I just,” he sighs “I don’t want to have sex right now.”
Finn nods slowly “Ok, that’s fine.” He takes his hand off Poe’s thigh where it had been resting “Is it alright if I ask why though? Is it something I did?”
Poe leans forward and squeezes Finn’s shoulder “You did nothing wrong, I swear. It’s me, I-” He half winces “I’m not attracted to you yet.”
Weirdly enough for Poe, Finn doesn’t seem taken aback by this. Instead he nods and seems to think this over. “So you mean, you want to be with me, you just don’t want to be with me?”
The pilot nods “Yes, exactly, but don’t think it’s because of you. Finn, I want to be with you all the time. I want to make out with you like crazy, and I want to wake up every morning with you next to me, I just don’t want sex.” He looks away briefly, looking back to take both of Finn’s hands in his “I want to want it and someday I might want it for real, but I can’t promise that right now.”
Finn smiles and Poe thinks he must look so timid and dumb right now and he’s glad it’s Finn here seeing him this way, not the other pilots in his fleet. “Poe, it’s alright.” He says “Honestly, I’m ok with not doing this right now.”
Poe raises an eyebrow “Yeah?”
“Yeah, I mean,” Finn looks down at their hands “I’m not too experienced with this stuff, and I was kinda trying to be, well, I thought you would be looking for someone who was more of a stud.”
The pilot laughs and squeezes Finn’s hand “Sorry to disappoint.”
“No, this is good!” Finn kisses Poe quickly as if to prove it.
“So you’re ok, with waiting a bit to have sex?”
Finn nods “I think it might actually be good for me to take something slow right now. The last month has been a bit overwhelming.” He smiles and licks his lips “So, do you want to just go back to cuddling?”
Poe feels a grin spread across his face. He can’t believe how lucky he is right now, and relief floods through him as the two of them lay back down on the bed. He’s never really know what to call himself or this thing he has, and everytime he’s tried to define it, it seems to wriggle out of his hands and run away again. Maybe Poe will never know what to call who or what he is, but he does know that right now, all he wants is the feeling of safety and warmth that comes over him as Finn wraps his arms around him.