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Chapter Text

The slow, rolling movement beneath him threatened to send Buck into a deeper sleep even as he struggled to wake up. There was a nagging thought at the back of his mind that he needed to be alert. It was the splash of water on his face that had him finally startling awake. He coughed and sputtered, cringing when he licked his lips and his tongue came back salty. Groaning, he blinked against the bright sunlight and attempted to lever himself upright. Except as soon as he pushed down on the bed it dipped under his weight and his hand was suddenly submerged in water up to his forearm. The movement unbalanced him and he flopped back down ungracefully, getting another face-full of water.

“The fuck?” He muttered, squinting around him to try and determine what on earth was happening. His eyes widened in terror when he saw that he was currently clinging to a sheet of plastic that was floating in the middle of the goddamned ocean.

Hours later, Buck was just slightly starting to panic. At first, he’d stayed fairly calm, allowing himself to slip into first responder mode. He’d very determinedly not thought about what had led to his current predicament. Silencing the screams and ignoring the freefall of his gut that had immediately followed a sound like an explosion that he’d heard behind him. Didn’t try to regain the vague memories of being in pitch black water and struggling to breathe. He was also very carefully not thinking about the fact that the last time he’d been anywhere near the ocean had been only a few months ago when he’d almost gotten Christopher killed. So. He had definitely not panicked.

But now the sun was starting to burn, his clothes had long since dried out and was scratching against his skin, and there hadn’t been a single sign of another person or of land. Buck had watched far too many documentaries on the ocean recently to be stupid enough to abandon his make-shift raft and swim in a random direction hoping for the best. God knows how far land was and what ocean residents he would encounter before he got there. He didn’t know for sure if this particular ocean had any deadly sea-creatures inhabiting it but again, there had been far too many documentaries for him to like his chances.

Buck was also refusing to think about the fact that a rescue didn’t look to be in his near future either and he was supposed to be on medication that prevented him from choking on his own blood and consequently dying. Medication that was likely somewhere at the bottom of the ocean. Honestly, he wasn’t sure whether it would be better to drown from the water or his own blood. Thinking it through - weirdly unemotional imagining his imminent death - he decided that when it came down to it, he would probably choose the water since he’d hate to prove Bobby right by dying from his clots. After everything with the lawsuit and Buck’s fight to get his spot back and keep it; he absolutely would not give the man that particular satisfaction.

God, the only reason he’d been on the stupid plane in the first place was because Bobby had made him take time off to ‘ease him back in’ and Maddie had insisted a holiday would be good for him. Buck hadn’t wanted to give in but being stuck in his apartment for a week straight, completely alone again, would have driven him insane. The joke was clearly on all of them, he thought, laughing hysterically to himself as he looked around his surroundings that were completely void of any other human beings and would very likely be fatal for him. Yeah, the universe was definitely mocking them.

Well the universe could go fuck itself, he thought with sudden determination. He’d survived his clots before and he’d survived the ocean before too; he would not let either of them best him now. Not after everything. Buck shuffled down so his legs were fully underwater with his torso still clinging to the scrap of plastic and began kicking. Evan Buckley was not ever going down without a fight.

It was when the sun rose the next morning that Buck seriously considered his options again. Still there had been no sighting of land or life, and Buck knew that he wouldn’t make it if he just sat on this floating bit of plastic going nowhere. He had no supplies: no food, no water, no medication. His chances were decreasing every second that dragged by. His legs were aching and he was terrified that if he kept over working them he’d only end up dying from clots anyway. He tried to paddle with his arms instead but the positioning was awkward and the plastic sharp, threatening to cut into him. Which, again, would only result in his death. His eyes burned with tears they had no water to shed. Maybe he should just allow himself to drift off in the ocean and save himself the agony of trying to stay alive.

He sat on the plastic, unmoving except in how the waves made his body sway. His blank stare fixed on the horizon though he was beginning to realise how hopeless it was. There was a cry above him. He almost didn’t look up but finally his body jolted out of its motionlessness, his head tilting back stiffly. A bird floated on the breeze. Buck thought for sure it looked right at him, urging him on, urging him to live. It flapped its wings and started flying away. Buck grit his teeth as determination filled him once more. No, he had not let the ocean win on that terrible day months ago, and he was not letting it win now. He wasn’t Noah and this bit of plastic was a far cry from an ark but he was going to follow that bird and he was going to make it to land.

Buck blinked and blinked again; sure his eyes were deceiving him. The sun was setting again and he’s been paddling all day so it was entirely possible that they were. He tried to rub the grit from them but only succeeded in pushing more in, his arm flaking salt from the dried sea water. With little else to do, he decided to hell with it and headed for the possibly real, possibly hallucinated island he was currently or maybe not currently seeing.            

It wasn’t until the plastic jammed into sand and shunted Buck forwards, making him tumble headfirst into his hallucination - except it apparently was not hallucinated - that he allowed himself to believe it. If there had been a drop of water to spare in his exhausted body he would have been bawling like a baby right there and then. He didn’t even care that there was sand up his nose and possibly trickling into his brain. He pressed his face into the beautifully solid, very real land, and groaned loudly. Giving himself just one moment to celebrate and rest before he was forcing himself up. His legs were incredibly wobbly but Buck knew that getting to land was only half the battle. He still needed to find shelter, water, food, and then he should probably find some kind of rescue at some point too.

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Eddie was relaxing on the sofa in the loft, his head tipped back and his feet resting on the coffee table. He kept his eyes closed even when he felt someone sit next to him; the shift was proving to be a busy one and yet the hours were still somehow dragging by. He refused to think about just what was missing from this shift that was making it harder than normal.

“It feels weird without him.” Apparently, Hen was more than happy to give voice to the thought on everyone’s mind anyway. Eddie pretended he didn’t hear her.

“I know he’s only going to be gone a week but still.” Chim said from Eddie’s left; he wasn’t aware the man had sat in the armchair.

“We just got him back and now he’s gone again.” Eddie gritted his teeth in an effort to not snap at them. His own brain was more than happy to keep bringing Buck up every minute of the day; he did not need his teammates joining in.

“Finally get some peace and quiet around here,” he said gruffly. There was a beat of silence and then Hen sighed heavily beside him.

“So that forgiveness you supposedly gave him really didn’t mean anything to you, huh?” Chim was the one to pipe up, a strangely harsh edge to his voice. Eddie finally opened his eyes to frown over at him. As far as he was concerned Chim had been right there with Eddie in keeping his distance from Buck, and with good reason.

“Just because I forgave him doesn’t mean I’m going to forget what he did and trust him again,” Eddie retorted even though he didn’t mean it. Not really.

He would always trust Evan Buckley with his and his son’s life but the wound the man had inflicted still stung. And the hits he’d received at the fights hadn’t helped to heal it. Initially he’d deluded himself into thinking that it was helping but after that last fight and the talking to he’d been given by Bobby, he was starting to accept that it had only exacerbated everything. Not to mention his fighting was half the reason he’d retained the distance between himself and his partner in the first place; too afraid of what Buck would think of him if he found out.

Now the bitterness that was lingering was more aimed at himself and was a result of his own stupidity over the past few months. Still, he kept up the snide comments and the cold shoulder aimed at Buck because if he stopped he’d have to talk to the man and explain himself. Something Eddie knew he had to do eventually but was putting off for as long as possible. It had been pointed out to him - by Bobby when he'd checked in after his first session with Frank - that he was taking advantage of Buck’s too forgiving nature. And Eddie knew that he was but that didn’t stop him from doing it. His Captain had admitted to doing much the same with a rueful twist to his lips.

When Bobby had announced to the team that he was making Buck take leave Eddie was relieved to have the extra week of breathing room and thought he saw the same feeling echoed in Bobby’s eyes. Hen and Chim seemed to have a different opinion about it but then they had been the ones to welcome Buck back and the only ones who spoke to him regularly, even if it wasn’t about anything personal. Something Eddie knew because he had accidently overheard Hen shut down a question about Denny. At the time Eddie had felt smug, a petty part of him liking that Buck was being rightfully shut out of their lives after he’d betrayed them all to his lawyer, but now he thought about how Buck’s forced smile had turned into something devasted after Hen had walked away. Hence why Eddie was trying to avoid thinking about the man altogether this week. He would deal with that mess when he was back.

“At least he’ll be off hopefully enjoying himself and taking a real break for once,” Hen added though she sounded a little uncertain. Chim grimaced.

“Yeah, trust me it was not his idea to go; Maddie basically blackmailed him into it.” Hen sighed again.

“He needs the break.”

Chim didn’t look convinced as he shrugged and said, “yeah, maybe.”

Thankfully the bell rang out before they could discuss it any further. Eddie happily shoved all thoughts of Buck out of his mind and concentrated on the call.

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Buck shivered as he curled close to the fire he had managed to start. He’d thought better of stumbling through the unknown jungle in the rapidly depleting light and had instead focused his efforts on making himself a temporary shelter for the night and keeping himself warm. Just thinking about the past couple of nights he’d spent bobbing on the waves was enough to get him shivering uncontrollably. The one thing that was keeping him sane was that he could lie on his back and admire the night sky like never before. Absently, he wished he could take a picture or somehow show Christopher the sight; the little boy would love it. The desire only made him feel more alone, which, considering his current predicament, should have been impossible but apparently it was not. He fell into a deep sleep around the same time the heat finally started to creep into his bones.

It was his dry throat that woke him the next morning. And then he could feel an overwhelming heat bearing down on him and knew he had to get up and get out of the sun at the very least. A couple days of constant sun was more than enough for Buck for a lifetime. The burning of his skin almost made him miss the cold, dreary days in Pennsylvania. He squinted against sun and sand alike, barely managing to roll himself over. Not having the energy to stand, he crawled over to the tree line and slipped into the shade with a sigh of relief.

He allowed himself time to get his bearings and get his breath back before he made himself get to his feet, using a tree to pull himself up and keep him steady. If he didn’t find water; he would be severely screwed.

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Eddie groaned as he dropped down into his usual seat at the table, ignoring the gaping void of the seat next to him. “Dios, I’m starving,” he complained as he started scooping heaps of food onto his plate.

“Jeez, Eddie, leave some for the rest of us,” Chim whined, grinning when Eddie glared over at him. He pointedly scooped another load for himself as he stared at the other man. Chim rolled his eyes. “And here I thought Buck had gone on vacation.” The quip resulted in an awkward silence spreading around the table and Eddie dropping the act immediately, now avoiding even looking in Chim’s direction as much as he was ignoring Buck’s empty seat next to him. Conversation stuttered and stopped before flowing again and they could all pretend the mention hadn’t happened.

They had just cleaned their plates when Chim’s phone started ringing. It was clear by his disgustingly gooey expression that it was Maddie calling. “Hey, what’s-“ Whatever Maddie said cut him off and wiped the love-sick look off of his face as he paled, his eyes widening in horror. Eddie instantly went on alert along with the rest of the crew, everyone falling silent and straining to hear what was happening.

“Are you sure? It might not-“ Chim lifted a shaking hand to cover his mouth briefly and then he scrubbed it over his face. “Okay, okay, um, come here. Are you okay to drive? Okay, good. Just come here and we can figure it out together, okay? I’ll explain to Bobby- Maddie, that’s not fair, come on- No, I know but- Maddie, of course he does; we all do! Please just come down here. Okay, yeah, I’ll see you soon.”

“Chim-“ Hen started to ask but the man lurched out of his seat, sending the chair flying backwards, and rushed to turn the TV on. Eddie got up to follow, a ball of cold dread forming in his stomach as a sense of foreboding swept over him. For Maddie to be upset enough to need to be here, for Chim to be looking that frantic and lost; there was only one person who it could possibly be. Someone who was supposed to be safe sipping margaritas on a hot beach somewhere. Except Eddie should have known better than to think Buck being anywhere near a beach could possibly be a good idea.

Chim flipped through the channels until he found one that was showing the news. Thankfully not one with Taylor Kelly. Eddie of course was only concerned it would bring up bad memories for Bobby and his hatred for her had absolutely nothing to do with her having slept with Buck in the first place but rather her treatment of him. Of them all. Not to mention how terrible of a human being she clearly was. No matter what Hen kept trying to insinuate.

Chim sank down onto the couch as if in a daze, his eyes fixed on the screen. Eddie glanced between the two but then the image of a plane appeared in the background and he knew. Going stiff as a board, he froze as if he could brace for the blow but there was no way to dodge this particular hit.

“Investigators have gathered both here at LAX and at Lima Airport where flight LA2477 should have landed three hours ago. The flight was initially delayed due to severe weather however was cleared to take off only an hour later. Reports now suggest that the weather pattern moved unpredictably, contrary to its projected path, and was on a direct collision course with the aircraft. Shortly after the aircraft would have entered the area, communications were lost and have not been regained. The flight has now been confirmed as missing by officials and first responders are scrambling to assemble a search and rescue operation as we speak. I'm April Monroe with Channel 8, we’ll have more later as the story develops.”

Absolute silence encased the loft even as the news switched from the reporter back to the studio and they moved on to another topic altogether. As if this was something so easily moved past. As if this couldn’t possibly change the very shape of all of their lives.

“Are you- is that…”

“Buck’s flight,” Chimney confirmed, sounding stunned. Hen staggered over to the couch and dropped down heavily next to him, Bobby following to lean on the back of it, hands fisted tightly in the fabric. Eddie couldn’t move an inch, stuck in the middle of the loft still staring at the TV screen. If he moved he would shatter and he couldn’t afford to do that. Not here. Not yet.

He wasn’t sure how long they stayed in their respective positions before thundering footsteps came up the stairs and Maddie appeared at the top, Athena right behind her. Maddie’s face looked as devasted as Eddie felt, her face red and mascara gathering under her eyes and down her cheeks. Athena took one look at Bobby who looked back at her helplessly before her face shut down into something completely unreadable. Eddie knew how she felt because he was sure his face didn’t look much different.

Maddie hesitated for a second, her accusing gaze sweeping across them all but she seemed to decide not to say anything yet, instead sitting on Chim’s other side and allowing the man to gather her close. “We- we don’t know that anything’s happened yet,” Chim said, trying to offer her some comfort despite the wobble in his voice.

“They’ve only confirmed that the flight’s missing,” Hen added. Maddie puffed up immediately.

“What does that even mean? How can a flight just go missing?”

“Maddie, we can’t jump to any conclusions,” Athena gentled, gingerly sitting on the coffee table in front of her and taking her hand in hers. “And if something has happened, we know that Buck is going to do everything he can to survive it. He’s beaten all the odds a thousand times over and you know he’s going to beat them this time too. Our Buckaroo’s not going to let a bit of weather take him from us.” An indistinguishable but agonising noise came from Maddie as she shook her head frantically.

“He-he’s been through s-s-so much. I can’t- He can’t- He might not-“

“Maddie, listen to me.” Athena leant in closer, making sure Maddie had her attention and uncaring of everyone else watching the two of them. “Evan Buckley is the most stubborn man I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing. He’s fought the ocean before and won so you can bet your ass he’s going to fight the sky and win.” That got a laugh out of Maddie before it morphed and she broke down into sobs. Eddie expected her to lean into Chim for the comfort but she fell forward into Athena instead. Though the woman looked surprised she cradled Maddie to her easily.

As she let Maddie cry, her eyes went up to meet Bobby’s and then flicked over to Eddie. He immediately dropped his, unable to face the recrimination he was sure would be all over her face. It was Bobby that turned to him though. “Edd-“

“Don’t, Cap,” he hissed, taking a quick step back before any of them could get it into their heads to try and comfort him. He who least deserved any comfort or compassion after how terrible he had been to Buck for weeks. Something he might never get a chance to try and make up for. All his plans to grovel when the man was back, to take advantage of his forgiving nature to get them back to them, gone in the blink of an eye.

His throat felt like it was closing up so he spun on his heel and rushed down the stairs, darting into the bunkrooms to take shelter from the watchful eyes of his team. He curled up on the bunk Buck always used. Before everything fell apart Eddie would take the bunk right next to him but since Buck had come back from the lawsuit he’d made a point of using the furthest bunk from him. As Eddie hugged Buck’s pillow tight, catching a faint whiff of his aftershave that still lingered, he let a few tears slip out. Buck deserved so much better than Eddie had ever given him; the least he could do was not ignore the deep regret settling into every corner of his being, already grieving all of the lost time that Eddie had so callously and maliciously wasted.

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Buck slumped down next to the rushing stream and greedily scooped handfuls of water into his mouth. When that didn’t get him quite the amount he wanted he stuck his head directly in it with his mouth open. Vague memories of doctors telling him to take small sips be damned. Eventually he pulled away and flopped onto his back, looking up at the lush green canopy above him. From his brief and vaguely delirious exploration the island he was now inhabiting was a fairly small one but it did have quite a steep hill on one end that had afforded him with a pretty great view of the absolute nothingness surrounding his island but it had also given him the gift of a freshwater stream.

He’d encountered various forms of wildlife but nothing bigger than a few rats and some large birds. When he’d gotten a good look at the size of the place, he’d felt pretty confident there weren’t going to be any major predators or anything; the ecosystem was surely too small to be able to support anything significant. So, he probably wasn’t going to be eaten but he was also going to struggle to eat himself. Of course there were a lot of bright enticing vegetation that had his mouth watering, especially some truly delicious looking berries in the bush just to his right. But Buck also knew that if anything other than the elements or his own blood was going to kill him it would be him obliviously eating something extremely toxic. What a way to go that would be.

So, as he lay panting on the jungle floor, his thirst finally quenched and his stomach now rumbling its own demands, he knew he had three options. One: figure out some traps for the small rodent like animals. Could be pretty straightforward but they might be disease ridden and also were so small he’d have to catch a lot. Two: figure out traps for the birds. Definitely harder to do and would also take a lot of prep work to be able to eat them. And again, if he could only catch small birds, quantity was going to be an issue. He also couldn’t help but think of how crows remembered humans and he did not want to take a chance that the birds here had that kind of intelligence. He’d rather be taken out by berries than by a flock of birds converging on him and tearing his flesh from his bones. Buck shuddered at the mental image and hurriedly moved on. So, option three: go fishing. Definitely the best plan, so long as there were fish in the shallows or close enough to shore. The perfect solution, really. Except it meant going within ten feet of the ocean again. He sighed deeply. The ocean it was then.

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It was Hen who came to find him sometime later, sitting on the bunk Eddie should have never stopped using. A bunk that had been empty since Buck had come back and had probably made him feel all the more alone for it. “Bobby’s taken us offline; he’s got a backup crew coming in.” Eddie didn’t reply. His tongue was throbbing with the need to spew every recrimination flooding his brain: at Bobby, at Hen, at the entire crew, at himself. So, he kept it locked away entirely; he was sure everyone was excruciatingly aware of how they’d all failed Buck right about now. If only the realisation had come even just a week earlier.   

“Athena has said everyone can go to hers. Wait for news together.” His eyes met hers accusingly. “You don’t have to come but if you don’t want to be alone-“

“Buck’s alone,” he rasped. She sucked in a breath, her eyes closing with a pained expression.

“Yeah,” she agreed lowly.

“He’s been alone for weeks and all I ever did was push him further away.” Her face twisted into sympathy that Eddie neither deserved nor wanted. It made the words spew out faster. “All he wanted was to get back to us and he probably thought there wasn’t another way. And we punished him for it. Punished him for loving us so much, for wanting us so desperately. We told him he didn’t deserve us anymore. And then when he was back but barely allowed to collect the scraps from our table, we made him leave again. We call ourselves his family but you don’t- you don’t do that to your family. You don’t do that to your best friend, the love of your life. Hen, I-“ He cut himself off as he choked on the words. Hen dropped to her knees in front of him, reaching out to comfort him but he flinched away.

“Eddie, we all made mistakes. Buck included, okay? Did he deserve everything he got? Absolutely not. But we were hurting, you were hurting, and people are dumb when they’re hurting. Buck was hurting too and look at the dumb decision he made, huh? But mistakes can be fixed.”

“Not when he’s never coming back.”

“We don’t know that.”

“What, you think a plane full of people that’s been missing for hours is going to suddenly reappear, like ‘oops, our bad, we got lost’?” He spat sarcastically. Hen gave him an inscrutable look.

“It’s possible.” He laughed harshly as he pushed himself upright again.

“Not with Buck’s luck, it’s not.” Her hand snapped out to wrap around his wrist as they both stood.

“It’s because of Buck’s luck that it might.” They stared impassively at each other until Eddie ducked his head and sighed, releasing the last dregs of his sudden burst of anger.

“He has the worst luck.”

“Actually, I think he has the best worst luck,” she was smiling teasingly and fondly when he looked back at her for clarification. “He gets crushed by a ladder truck but survives and makes a full recovery. He has a pulmonary embolism but survives because he’s surrounded by first responders when he does. He gets caught in a tsunami whilst on blood thinners but survives and saves a whole bunch of people along the way.” Eddie huffed out a breath but his mouth ticked up a little at the corners.

“The best worst luck.” Hen hummed affirmatively.

“Buck luck.” That made him snort.

“Yeah, I guess.”

“So, I know he’s going to make it through this too. It’s how Buck Luck works.”

“Maybe, maybe he will,” Eddie finally admitted, allowing just a small spark of hope to take root. If anyone could make it through this many disasters in the span of less than a year then Evan Buckley would be that person.

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Buck stood at the water's edge and growled in frustration when he skittered back every time the water came within an inch of his toes. He’d tried to hype himself up, after all he’d just spent a few days in the middle of the ocean; he should be able to handle a barely-there paddle in the shallows. He’d tried to pretend he couldn’t see the ocean creeping towards him. He’d tried running full tilt at it. Yet here he still stood, full of terror and unable to get anywhere near the stupid thing. It was just water. It wasn’t anywhere close to the scariest thing he’d faced in his life. Memories of a wall of water bearing down on him and the terrified screams echoing in his mind begged to differ. That wasn’t even touching the near memories of freezing cold, pitch-black depths and the distant sounds of people choking, drowning-

“Come on, Buckley. Suck it up. Everyone else deals with their problems on their own so you can too. It’s just the ocean. You’ve been in the ocean more times than you can count. You wanted to join the navy fucking seals for fuck’s sake; get a fucking grip!” He gripped his crusty hair tightly in his fists. The only reason he didn’t let loose a guttural scream was because his throat was already aching. God only knows how insane he would go if he couldn’t even talk to himself. “Okay, okay, okay,” he chanted to himself as he bounced on his toes, ignoring the burning ache in his legs. “You got this, you got this, you have fucking got this! Just keep swimming.” And then he took a step forward. And another. And another.

He gritted his teeth when the water washed over his feet. Closed his eyes when it lapped over his ankles. Blew out a deep breath when it reached his knees and every step splashed his body. When it reached his waist he stopped and opened his eyes again.

It took an embarrassing amount of time to get his breathing under control again and banish the black spots at the edge of his vision. A brush against his leg almost had him jumping out of his skin but then he looked down and saw a small shoal of fish swimming around his ankles. He smiled and looked back up at the vast horizon. Yeah, he’s got this.

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Eddie declined the invitation to Athena’s, ducking out of the station with Hen’s offer to cover for him whilst he made his escape. He considered going to get Christopher but he only had a few hours left of school and Eddie had no idea what to say to him anyway. He didn’t want to say anything until they had concrete proof of- …concrete proof either way. But if the search and rescue crew didn’t know what had happened to the plane - let alone where it had ended up - then it could be weeks before they got any answers.

As it was, Chris asked about Buck daily. So, he wasn’t sure he’d be able to successfully conceal the difference from a vague answer because he was the one keeping Buck away and a vague answer because Buck was currently missing. His son was as smart as they come for someone his age; Eddie was fairly sure the kid was suspicious enough about Buck’s continued absence before this. Maybe not going to get him and giving himself a few hours reprieve was cowardly but he needed to get a hold of himself before anything else.

Walking into his living room was like a punch to the gut. He’d kept the photos of Buck up on the mantel despite the distance between them. At first it was to keep Chris from knowing what was going on between him and his hero but then it was because Eddie missed him like crazy and he could safely stare at the photos when he couldn’t look at Buck in person. Now they might be the only way he could ever see him again.

His eyes roved over them desperately, even as his vision turned blurry from his rising tears. It was when he looked at one of the few pictures of Shannon that he had, sat right next to Buck’s, that he finally broke. His mantle was turning into a shrine for his lost loves; the people who had been some of the most important to him and yet had been the people he’d treated the worst. He collapsed to his knees as he was taken over by sobs that shook him from head to toe.

The feeling was somehow worse than it had been only months before. Losing Shannon had undoubtedly hurt but half his hurt had been simply from knowing Christopher had lost his mother. But this pain was all consuming; it wasn’t halved for Chris but rather doubled. Maybe it was because he’d known that he didn’t really have Shannon anyway when he permanently lost her or maybe it was just because Buck owned his heart like no one ever had and no one else ever would. Whatever the reason it was excruciating. Like those few seconds when he thought his son had been taken from him with Buck’s devasted face in front of him. Except Buck wasn’t miraculously appearing.

Eddie could almost picture it: his goofy ‘aw shucks’ smile, that guilty but pleased little tilt to his head, those bright blue eyes sparkling with mischief. He could almost hear the ‘don’t you know I’m invincible’ jokes he would inevitably make; dark humour trying to cloak the trauma that clung to him like a shadow. As if Eddie didn’t know every time, as if Eddie couldn’t feel his pain like it was his own. Every time he’d rebuffed Buck after the lawsuit he may as well have been gutting himself. 

But Buck wasn’t appearing and Eddie didn’t know if he’d ever get the chance to hold him close and tell him everything would be okay.

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Buck grinned to himself as he sat by the fire that night, a large fish skewered on a stick and hovering over the flames. He had plans to makeshift a better set up to cook with and of course he’d have to build a real shelter soon too. He was already planning on a spot near the stream on the hill so that he’d have access to the water and a good vantage point should someone miraculously come within signalling distance. Eventually he’d probably try and build a massive bonfire - pirates of the Caribbean style - though he wasn’t entirely sure it would achieve anything; boats and planes didn’t typically veer off of their routes and Buck could confidently say, based on the absolute lack of any activity since he’d been here, that his little island was not on any regular route.

But for tonight he was happy to be nourished, hydrated, and warm. He lay back and admired the stars again. There were no illusions in his mind that surviving here would be easy by any means and that he was going to struggle more and more the longer he hoped for rescue, but he knew he had to appreciate the good moments if he was going to have any chance of coming out of this sane. With that in mind, he drifted off into sleep with a small smile and the image of stars imprinted on his eyelids.

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Eddie tensed up from his position in the kitchen when the front door opened and Carla called his name, followed closely by his son’s excited shout. She took one look at his face and her bemused smile instantly fell away. “Eddie?”

“Mijo, go put your bag away and then I need to talk to you, okay?” He gave him a strained smile even as Chris’ eyes narrowed suspiciously.

“Is something wrong?” He asked instead of doing what Eddie had asked. Eddie sighed.

“Go put your things away and then we’ll talk about it.”

“But-“

“Christopher, honey.” Carla didn’t have to say anything else, her stern voice making the kid’s shoulder slump in defeat. Eddie got a scowl and a pout as Chris left the room. A pout that was all Buck; his heart clenched painfully in his chest.

“You heard about that plane going missing?” Carla’s concern grew as she stepped closer to him.

“Who?”

“Buck.” She gasped and lifted a hand to her mouth.

“No,” she whispered. Eddie scrubbed a hand over his face when tears welled in her eyes, trying to hold himself together. “God, why is it always that boy? Have you heard anything?” He was already shaking his head before she finished the question.

“No, Maddie called Chim whilst we were on shift. Think some of them are going to Athena’s, so they’ll hear anything as soon as Maddie does.” She gave him an assessing look.

“But not you?” He looked away and rubbed a hand over the back of his neck awkwardly. “Eddie, no matter what has been going on between you two lately, you need to be there for him any way you can.” That made him look at her as she raised an eyebrow at him. “Don’t look at me like that; I’m not stupid, Eddie Diaz. That boy was here anytime you were for a while there and all of sudden he wasn’t and then you couldn’t even hear his name without looking one second away from blowing a gasket. Don’t think Chris hasn’t picked up on it either. But ignoring all of that, Buck loves you; he wouldn’t want you here alone. You know that.”

“I don’t deserve to be with them when we denied Buck that very thing for weeks,” he confessed on a broken whisper. Carla gathered him into a hug and he let her, finally accepting some comfort.

“And Buck wouldn’t care about that if he were here now. He’d be the first telling you to be around people, to stick with your support system.”

“He’s a better guy than anyone I’ve ever known,” Eddie sobbed, burying his face in Carla’s neck.

“Ain’t that the truth. So, you should do what he would want you to now. Tell Chris what’s going on and then go to Athena’s. And if you still won’t do it for Buck then do it for Chris who will need his family too.” He sniffled and then nodded reluctantly, pulling away.

“Yeah, okay,” he croaked. She gave him a small smile though he could see the worry on her face still.

“Good. I have to go home but keep me updated, okay?”

“I will, thank you, Carla.” She leant in to peck him on the cheek.

“You’re welcome, sugar. I’ll see you soon.”

He took the few minutes he had between her leaving and Chris coming back to get himself together again. Or at least together enough to get through this conversation with his son. It wasn’t nearly long enough.

He sat with Chris on the sofa, a hand on his leg as he looked into the blue eyes that used to remind him only of Shannon but now reminded him of Buck too. “Okay, you know how Buck hasn’t been around lately?” That got him an immediate scowl but also a lip being nibbled with worry. “We had a bit of a falling out and then when Buck apologised, I was really mean and I didn’t forgive him because he had hurt my feelings,” he forced himself to admit. Chris’ face screwed up.

“Why couldn’t I still see him even if you didn’t want to?” He asked eventually. Eddie sighed, wincing.

“I wasn’t being fair to Buck or you and I’m really sorry about that, mijo.”

“Does that mean you’re going to let me see him now?” The hope on his son’s face was very nearly the thing that finally did him in but he made himself continue, even knowing the pain that was coming.

“Well, because the falling out happened with everyone, not just me, Buck took a little break from work and he decided to go on vacation for his break.”

“So I can see him when he’s back?”

“Chris, it… It might be a while before he’s back. There was a problem with the plane he was on and they’re not sure where it is right now. They think it might have landed somewhere it wasn’t supposed to and so they have to find where he is.” He tried to explain without impressing just how likely Buck’s survival was looking but he knew he was making a mess of it.

Confusion, worry and sadness washed over Christopher’s face as Eddie gave him time to process what he was telling him. “Buck’s missing?”

“Yeah, he is, bud.”

“Will he- will he come back?” Chris’ lip was starting to tremble and Eddie knew the tears weren’t far behind. He pulled his son onto his lap and gathered him close.

“I don’t know, I don’t know. But Buck’s a hero, right?” He felt a nod against his chest even as Chris’ breath started hitching. “He saved you in the tsunami and he always saves me at work so I’m sure wherever he is right now he’s saving people and generally being super awesome as always, right?”

The room was quiet for a while, the silence only broken by Christopher’s sniffles and small muffled sobs. “I want him here.”

“I know, mijo, I do too. We’ll get him back,” Eddie assured him and prayed to God he wasn’t lying.

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Buck wiped a hand over his sweaty brow as he took a well-earned break. All morning he’d been lugging logs and snapping thick branches to gather enough stuff to build himself an approximation of a decent shelter. He hadn’t built it right next to the stream so that he wouldn’t disrupt the local ecosystem too much. Luckily there had been a good-sized clearing not too far from it, so he built on the edge of it. That way he still had the protection of the trees on one side but also space to build a fire where it hopefully wouldn’t set the entire jungle ablaze. And the entire time he talked himself through it, looking over his shoulder for a teasing smile that wasn’t there.  

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Chris beelined straight for Denny and Harry where they were huddled on the floor in front of the TV. The news was playing as everyone gathered close, almost silent. Bobby gave him an acknowledging nod from the kitchen as Eddie passed and made his way over to the windowed wall. He leant against it, not bothering to greet anyone as they glanced at him momentarily before immediately returning their attention to the newscast. He took solace in the coldness of the glass that began stealing into him. Eddie would happily let it; would rather be numb with cold than burning in pain.

The room settled again, barely disturbed by his arrival or even by Bobby carefully placing dish after dish in front of them. Offerings that no doubt stemmed from guilt but Eddie was too busy drowning in his own to offer a helping hand to anyone else. Let alone to the man who shared just as much, if not more, of the blame for this situation as Eddie. His guilt was born of regrets and missed opportunities. Whilst Bobby’s probably had a good portion of that too, Eddie would have bet that there was also a good deal of it from putting Buck on this collision course in the first place.

So, he remained silent as they watched news report after news report on nonsensical stories for hours on end, occasionally circling back around to the only thing any of them wanted to hear about. By the time Eddie was cradling a sleeping Christopher and making his way back to his truck the only thing they had learned was that Buck and everyone onboard had been officially declared missing.

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Buck woke with a groan as he shifted and an achy pang shot up his leg and through his hip. Whilst the shelter was secure and the cooking set up was working well, he hadn't got around to finding ways to provide himself with any home comforts. Like having somewhere to sleep that didn't have him in more pain waking up than he was in when he went to sleep. Getting up was a painful effort but once he'd ducked out of his little hut and could stretch out the kinks, the pain settled into a low-level thrum at the base of his back. He went about getting some fresh water and snacking on a handful of nuts he'd found the other day. The routine helped keep him grounded, even when he marked out another night gone by with no sight of his extended adventure coming to an end. 

From there he set up some traps in the shallows and checked on the snares he'd put out the night before. Grimacing when he had to snap the neck of a bird he'd caught, pushing down the guilt. God, when he got back to civilisation, he was becoming a vegetarian and reading every foraging book that existed. Carting the poor thing back to his hut and going about skinning and gutting it was almost as horrific as killing it in the first place. It never really helped that he fell on the cooked meat like a ravenous beast and picked the bones clean. At least the bones proved useful for fishing and when he needed something sharp.

On his midday walk around the island, fruitlessly looking for some kind of escape route that he might have inexplicably missed on all his other walks he came across the first piece of debris. It wasn't anything significant, just some torn fabric caught in some plastic. But it was the first piece of evidence of the crash that had made its way here. A small inconsequential piece that didn't have to work to get here; that wasn't trying to get here. The irrefutable proof that Buck alone had made it out here. That he'd be alone on this island for the foreseeable future, possibly for the rest of his life. The realisation took his knees out from under him and he collapsed into a sobbing mess on the sand.

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Eddie got through the next week in a dazed state. Functioning on autopilot for the most part, barely able to be there for Chris when the little boy's sadness and fear had turned into anger at him. Eddie didn't blame him in the slightest; happy to have the frequent 'I hate you's’ and 'it's your fault's’ flung at him whenever Chris needed if only because at least someone was saying it out loud. It wasn't until his little boy started acting out at school that Eddie finally reined him in and forced them both to go to a family therapy session. Nothing was fixed in that hour but they had made a start and another appointment for the following week. That night Christopher slept in Eddie's bed and cried into his chest until exhaustion claimed him. It hurt worse than anything else had since Buck had officially been declared missing.

The search was ongoing but they hadn't found anything so far. The running theory being the pilot had tried to avoid the worst of the storm by flying off course. It had only succeeded in ensuring the plane couldn't be found. 

It was two weeks after the first report that they finally found pieces of a wreckage floating off the coast of Costa Rica. It was confirmed mere days later. Buck's plane and everyone in it had gone down somewhere over the South Pacific Ocean. There was evidence of a catastrophic engine failure that had resulted in an explosion which likely killed half of the passengers instantly. The other half were left stranded, likely fatally wounded, during a stormy night in the middle of the ocean. Their chances of survival would have been remote at best. By the end of the third week Buck had been missing, all 206 passengers and 6 crew members aboard the flight had been declared dead. 

Chapter Text

There was a moment every morning that Buck forgot where he was. He forgot that he was laid on a bed of ruined lifejackets that had saved nobody's life. Forgot that he wouldn't be able to pick up the phone and check in with his family, see their faces when he made his way into work. That it had been over three months since he'd so much as laid eyes on another human being. That brief moment was always Buck's favourite moment of each and every day. It didn't matter how many beautiful sunsets he saw or how many of the endless stars he could count at night; forgetting that his life had been stripped away from him between one moment and the next was the most at peace he felt these days. 

He slaughtered fish, birds, rodents to survive. Nibbled on unknown berries to hedge his bets, seeing if the Universe really wanted him to keep breathing. Swam a little bit further out every evening after a long day's work; his limbs tired and ready to surrender as soon as the ocean asked it of him. But the Universe didn't take the bait and Buck kept swimming. 

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The past three months of Eddie's life had unequivocally been the worst yet. Though people had started telling him to move forward, move on, he was determined to stay stuck as he was. Maybe if he'd thought he was bringing Christopher down he might have made some kind of effort but his son was right there with him. They didn't go to the science centre because Buck had loved going with them so much. Pancakes went uneaten since they could never live up to the one's Buck made anyway. And every night they ignored the book on Chris' bedside with the bookmark that hadn't moved since. 

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At first it was a mere speck on the horizon, an inconsequential dot of colour. Buck noted it absently and went about his daily routine. It wasn’t until he was trudging back to his hut for his afternoon siesta that he looked for the dot again. Not out of any real motivation, just idle curiosity. Sometimes Buck thought he saw things. Sometimes he was sure he had. But they never became anything tangible. On that day he looked for the dot again only to find it moved. Only to find it bigger. Closer.

As the days had turned to weeks turned to months his idea of a small bonfire had grown. He’d made it out of the trees that had once filled where it now stood – a clearing steadily growing around it as he added to it slowly but surely. And now the day had arrived. A day Buck had given up on if he was being entirely honest with himself. He’d adjusted to his lonely little life on his island. Had made his peace with it. True, there was no one there to comfort him or help him find joy amongst the daily struggle of simply living. But there hadn’t been anyone to do that in his life before either. And out here there wasn’t anyone to scold him or ridicule him. No one to hurt him. Truthfully Buck had increasingly wondered if he wanted to be rescued at all.

Yet still he had added to his Elizabeth Swan pile – only occasionally dancing around it and singing, though sadly sober. And now at the first sign of life his body went on autopilot and the pyre became ingulfed in flames. Momentarily mesmerised he watched as it caught quickly and furiously, thick black smoke billowing up and laying a trail straight to him. His brain tried to latch on to the poetic nature of fire bringing him home, of fire being his home. The sudden blaring of a horn startled him. Whether he really wanted it or not, Buck got his rescue.  

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It was yet another agonisingly slow shift. Eddie did his best not to glare at the latest floater in Buck’s spot and Bobby did his best not to call them Buck. Thankfully he hadn’t tried to fill the spot permanently yet and Eddie could guard Buck’s locker like a ‘feral dog’ - according to Chim - in peace.

Eddie remembered the badly hidden devastation the one time Buck had come to the firehouse when he was playing marshal. He hadn’t gotten it then. Too late to realise as per fucking usual. Now the thought of ‘Buckley’ being covered up, forgotten, filled him with so much rage that he wondered at his past self. The entire time he’d known he was being the worst kind of friend and yet now - going on months with Buck being ‘dead’ - he was still finding out even more ways he’d been hurting Buck. Even worse ways.

They hadn’t had the funeral yet; between Maddie’s endless hope and Eddie’s pig-headedness they refused to make anything official. The loft had been cleared out and his belongings stored but that was it. Still, Eddie knew the day would come eventually.

Sometimes he thought it’d be easier to lay him to rest, to lay the waiting to rest. Easier for him, easier for Chris. If the situation were reversed however Buck would be the loudest person in the room that didn’t give up, that refused to let the people he loved go without doing everything in his power to hold on. Whilst Eddie was never one for hope he was a stubborn asshole and that was more than enough to keep him fighting. Until Chris himself gave up Eddie would carry them through this. It was the least Buck deserved; to have his memory protected with all the fierceness he’d always protected them with.

And then the run of the mill shift turned into a day Eddie in his heart of hearts thought could never come.    

“Chim!” Eddie didn’t know what he expected to come out of Maddie’s mouth as she sprinted up the stairs. Her chest was heaving as she gulped in breaths, her face red and sweaty. Worry curdled inside him as the entire crew edged closer, pulled by their dread. Chim reached out to her shoulder tentatively.

“Maddie? Maddie, what is it? Are you-“

“They found him!” Silence reigned after her announcement. Eddie thought his lungs might have frozen over. And then the biggest grin he’d ever seen spread across her face. A grin so painfully familiar that - even coming from the wrong Buckley - it melted the ice inside him. “He’s alive! Buck’s alive!”

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Buck shivered in the air-conditioned room he’d been stuffed in. He’d been in a daze getting onto the little dingy his rescue boat had sent out to him and all through the transfer onto what turned out to be a deep-sea fishing boat. And then he’d burrowed himself in a room with no windows and staunchly refused to acknowledge he was once again in the middle of the ocean for the entire excruciating five days it took them to get back to shore. Thankfully the fishermen didn’t speak a lick of English and were content to give him sympathetic looks and awkward pats on the shoulder as they let him be. Buck was pretty sure they understood his aversion even without a shared spoken language between them.

Luckily when they’d gotten to the harbour he’d had enough brain power to request their contact information so that he could thank them properly when he was back on American soil. Which he currently was not. Briefly he considered staying in whatever country they’d brought him to but that daydream was scuppered pretty quickly when the dock officials had taken one look at him and locked him in a room that looked like something out of a crime drama.

After hours of waiting and then hours of talking to the interpreter they’d dug up from somewhere he was finally fed, watered, offered a hospital visit – which he vehemently refused – and given a return ticket home. Apparently, the US government were very keen to recover Buck as the only survivor from the otherwise fatal airplane crash. Everything went a little fuzzy after the interpreter joyfully told him that little tidbit.

Apparently, no-one had considered that Buck might not know that everyone else had died. Nor had they considered that that news might be upsetting. And - as he once again found himself in an airplane seat with everyone and their mother fawning over him like he was some kind of celebrity for having survived something he absolutely shouldn’t have - Buck was sure that not a single person involved had considered that Buck might not want to get on another airplane again for the rest of his life. He squeezed his eyes shut the entire flight; fingers bone white where they gripped the armrests. If this plane went down Buck hoped the Universe would finally stop toying with him and actually let him die this time.

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Eddie could barely contain himself as they practically formed a mob at the arrivals gate. Chris was wobbling all over the place as he bounced on the spot, beaming the entire time. His son hadn’t stopped beaming since Eddie had grabbed him from school and raced for the airport to be there to welcome Buck home. Butterflies filled him as the thought occurred to him again. Buck was coming home.

It had been hours since Maddie had broken the news and it still didn’t feel real. Eddie suspected it wouldn’t feel real until his alive best friend was in his arms. There had been a dogfight over who got to take Buck home with them and he didn’t feel remorseful in the slightest for using Chris to win. If he had any say in the matter Buck wasn’t going to be leaving his sight for the foreseeable future. Possibly never again. Athena’s handcuffs glinted temptingly on her belt where she stood beside him, as impatient as the rest of them but doing the best at hiding it. IT was only the sobering reminder of what state their relationship had been in that dampened his glee slightly. But Eddie was going to fix it! He could fix it now because Buck was alive. Buck was coming home.

It felt like both an eternity and barely a minute passed before a large crowd trickled out of the doors. He ignored the whispers and stumbling glances back, knowing exactly what would have them so worked up. He ignored too the premature flashing of the paparazzi’s cameras. Again, he wished there was a way to get rid of them but even Athena’s coldest glare hadn’t phased the vultures. This moment wasn’t theirs; Buck wasn’t theirs.

The media had covered the plane crash for only a few short weeks. Had taken the time to dig through Buck’s best heroic moments only to have a fifteen-minute showing of it and then never mention him again. They forgot Buck, they gave up on him. They didn’t deserve to have him now. Eddie sure as fuck didn’t either, not yet, but he was going to earn it back. Those vultures were going to use him for views and think nothing of it as they paraded what was likely to be a deeply vulnerable moment for the world to see. Thankfully these days the itch that caused between Eddie’s shoulder blades didn’t have him running off to the nearest fight, only made him remember that he had a therapist appointment in a couple of days. If he knew what was good for him Buck wouldn’t argue with Eddie when he dragged him along.

And then finally, finally a familiar figure emerged. Chris couldn’t be contained, squealing and throwing himself at Buck. Eddie was barely a step behind, falling to his knees as Buck knelt to embrace Christopher, wrapping his arms tightly around the both of them. “You’re here, you’re here, gracias a Dios! You’re alive, you’re really alive.” The words spilled out of his mouth in a thoughtless rush. Eddie didn’t care. He had his son and the love of his life in his arms, safe and sound. Nothing else mattered to him in that moment.

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Buck winced as his stiff legs tried to refuse his request to kneel but nothing could stop him from grabbing hold of the boy barrelling towards him. “Chris. God, Chris.” He buried his head in the small trembling shoulder, breathing in his familiar scent. It had been so long. The sensation of strong arms circling around him barely made him flinch. All that mattered was Christopher who was crying into his chest.

“You’re here, you’re here, gracias a Dios! You’re alive, you’re really alive.” The whispered words into his ear had him freezing. But Eddie wasn’t recriminating him. In fact, Eddie was here, hugging him tight, letting Chris hug him tight. For so long Eddie’s voice had been prominent in his dreams. Always harsh. Always hurtful. And now it was soft, thankful, happy. Happy to see Buck? Happy he was alive? Buck couldn’t fathom it.

More arms joined them, more faces pressing close and happy voices in his ear. It was too much. Buck didn’t understand where it was coming from. He’s been gone for a long time, yes, but shouldn’t that be the reason they were happy, not that he was back now? Did his unplanned extended absence make them forget how much they all hated him? Or was it like his parents all over again; Buck got hurt so now they felt obligated to care.

Eventually Buck was lifted to his feet - Christopher secure in his arms - and guided into a car. It barely registered that he was in Eddie’s shiny brand-new truck; the sound of the city was loud and overwhelming. He focussed on Chris as the little boy chattered away at him.

Pulling up to Eddie’s house wasn’t so much of a surprise as being pulled into it was. The photos of him were still in pride of place on the mantel. Buck wondered if they’d come down and been put back up for the occasion. Just as he was pushed down onto the sofa the front door opened and people started pouring in. Buck’s eyes were glazed over within five minutes.

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Eddie watched as the crew and their extended families fussed over Buck, filling every square inch of his small living room just to keep Buck in their line of sight. He sympathised of course – he was doing the exact same thing – but he also saw the way Buck had curled in on himself. How he kept a weak smile plastered on his face whilst his eyes were blank and barely moving even as the speaker changed frequently. So, yes, Eddie sympathised but Buck came first. Apart from Christopher, Buck would always come first.

“Guys, I think Buck’s had enough for today; let the man breathe. Get some sleep.” There were some harsh looks sent his way and grumbling throughout the crowd. One real look at Buck seemed to have everyone convinced though and they began making slow exits. He gritted his teeth in impatience until the last of them left and the door closed with finality. Chris was already asleep sprawled across Buck, making Eddie smile softly. Buck looked not far behind now that he’d stopped putting on his performance.

“Alright, Buck, let’s get you to bed, huh?” No argument came from the man as Eddie tugged him up, having put Chris to bed without so much as a flinch from either of them. Shuffling like a zombie it took little effort for Eddie to guide him to his bedroom and strip him of the clothes that were a size or two too small. He sucked in a breath when his body was revealed to him. Buck had always been strong, but he’d had a layer of fat that hid the definition of his muscles. Now that layer was gone and the cut of each muscle was harsh under his newly golden skin. Though he knew it to be a product of whatever diet Buck had been living on and the likely harsh living he’d been subjected to it didn’t stop Eddie from practically salivating at the sight. Seeing him dressed in his clothes was yet another test on his control. It was only the slight sway of Buck’s body that calmed him down enough to tuck the man into his bed. Of course, Eddie was quick to change and crawl in next to him. Buck was fast asleep before he’d even draped himself over him. If Buck so much as twitched in his sleep he was going to make damn sure it woke him up. There was no way he was risking Buck slipping away from them in the middle of the night.

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Buck sighed contentedly as he nuzzled his nose into the soft fabric. Inhaling the smell of the fabric conditioner Eddie favoured. It was the same every morning. He kept his eyes closed to hold on to the dream just that little bit longer. It felt like there were fingers combing through his hair which was a nice addition. He smiled, holding still so as to not shatter the hallucination.

“You awake?” The voice, the rumble of it beneath his cheek, everything about it felt real. Too real. Jolting in surprise he whipped his head up to meet warm brown ones. Eyes he’d truly believed he’d never see again let alone looking so softly at him.

“Eddie?” His voice came out hoarse from disuse. The ache in his throat brought it all rushing back.

“Morning. How are you feeling?” Avoiding the intense look on Eddie’s face he scanned the room noting how nothing had changed. It was comforting to see it still the same for some reason. “Buck?”

“Oh, uh, I’m fine,” he belatedly answered, earning a frown. It was then that he put two and two together, realising he could feel Eddie’s voice because he was laying on Eddie’s chest. And the fingers in his hair were Eddie’s and they were still there. Breathing deeply, he cautiously started to pull away.

“Don’t.” He froze, looking at Eddie questioningly. The face looking back at him seemed almost desperate. Or pained. As if pulling away was the worst thing Buck could be doing right then. He didn’t understand it. But he would never cause Eddie pain if he could help it. Just as slowly he resumed his original position. Eddie relaxed minutely; his fingers going back to the slow drag against his scalp and a tentative smile stretching his lips. He tried not to stare too obviously. It was a losing battle.

“Um, sorry?” He replied tentatively. Not that he knew what he was apologising for though there was likely a multitude of things he should be apologising for. Not even mentioning all the things he’d been sorry for before his ill-fated vacation.

Eddie’s face twisted as if he didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. Seeing that much emotion on the usually stoic man was alarming to say the least. “Ed-“

“Please don’t apologise. You have absolutely nothing to apologise for not now and probably not ever again.” He frowned at him, now fully ignoring their positioning.

“What?”

“You were dead, Evan. You were dead and I’d been not just a terrible friend but a terrible person to you and you died thinking I hated you.” His breath caught at the admission.

It was true in a way; Buck had plummeted into the ocean with his last conscious thought being that he should have tried harder. Should have somehow someway found a way to reclaim the friendship lost even just so he could have had a few more weeks of getting to be in the Diaz boys’ lives. And then he’d lived.

“Eddie, I’m right here.”

“Now. Now you’re here but they said you were dead.”

“Who did?” That earned him a hollow laugh and the fingers in his hair tightened infinitesimally.

“Dios, who didn’t say you were dead, Buck? Pretty sure the entire world bar Chris thought you were never coming back. Maddie and I never admitted it out loud but the odds- Dios the odds, Evan, you shouldn’t- I shouldn’t get to have you here now. Not after everything. I don’t deserve this! I don’t-“

As he watched the second most important person to him break down in a way so completely out of character Buck didn’t stop to think. He scrambled up, straddling his heaving body and clasping his face between his hands. “Hey, hey, Eds, shhhh, it’s okay. I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere ever again, okay? I’m right here with you-“ His reassurances were cut off when Eddie abruptly flipped them, plastering himself over Buck and sobbing uncontrollably into his shoulder. “I’m right here. Right here,” he whispered as he wrapped his arms around him as much as he could. One hand cradled Eddie’s head to his chest despite the steadily growing wet patch. Buck would happily let Eddie drown him in his tears if it offered him even a modicum of comfort.

Eventually the cries quieted into heartbreaking sniffles and the body on top of him melted and fell into the grooves of his own. Buck didn’t mind, keeping up his tight hold and the soft litany of nonsense spilling from his mouth. “Buck.”

“Right here, Eds.”

“Please don’t leave me again.” Pulling him closer still, he pressed his mouth to Eddie’s temple.

“Never again, I promise. I’m so sorry.” That earned him a slight head shake.

“Not your fault.” He snorted.

“Yeah, this one wasn’t I guess.”

Eddie finally lifted his head sharing a small rueful smile. “None of them have been. I’m sorry I blamed you for any of them.” Taken in by the affection he could see plain as day on his best friend’s face Buck recklessly trailed his hand over Eddie’s cheekbone and down across his scruffy stubble.

“I’m sorry I didn’t fight harder.” Eddie shook his head again with more vehemence.

“You fight so hard every time, Buck, I think you’ve earned a break now. Let me fight for you this time.” Buck searched his earnest expression for a hint of resentment. There was nothing but what he would call adoration if Eddie were looking at anyone else.

“You’re going to fight for me?” The question was filled with awe and disbelief.

“Yeah, if you’ll let me.” Suddenly Eddie looked shy, glancing away briefly before his eyes were straight back on him.

“No fight necessary. There never has been. Whatever you want from me you can have, Eddie. You and Chris are everything to me and I will give both of you everything I have; all you have to do is ask.” Eddie sucked in a breath and then he was pulling away. Except he didn’t go far, simply crawling up the bed so that his face hovered inches above Buck’s own.

“All we want is you. All I want is you, Evan Buckley.”

“You have me. You’ve always had me.”

“Por Dios, I don’t deserve you and I certainly don’t deserve this but I’m going take it anyway. I’m too selfish when it comes to you.” His face lowered until they were only a breath apart.

 “Take it. Take everything; it’s yours anyway.”

Their lips met in the softest caress and then they slid together like they had been made that way, separated upon their creation but destined to find each other again. One soul split apart now melding back together. They still had so much to discuss and Buck had to figure out where he now fit in his old life. It wouldn’t be a smooth journey by any means but this one moment of peace was perfect. Buck was finally home.