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While it may have been the fever talking, Neil was convinced the clock was taunting him on purpose.
He watched helplessly as the hands ticked closer to 4:30, signifying the start of the rehearsals he was barred from attending. The flu had been running rampant through Welton as of late, emptying classrooms and confining students to their rickety beds. Neil, despite his usually impressive immune system, had woken up with a pounding headache and a voice that sounded more frog than human. The nurse only took one look at him before signing him off all classes for the rest of the week, unfortunately his extra curriculars were no exception.
Deep down, Neil knew it was logical. He could barely even stand without the room spinning like a top, and his chalky, sweat slick face would hardly make for a good Puck on stage, unless the director decided Shakespeare needed a horror style twist. But still, the thought of his understudy performing in his place, even if just for a few days, made him feel twice as queasy. The play was his first grasp of freedom in who knows how long, probably ever, and he was being forced to waste it because he caught a stupid high school bug. It was ridiculous. And unfair.
With a frustrated huff, he tore his gaze away from the clock and back to his script. Todd had set it on his chest just before he left for class that morning. “You can read it if you still want to rehearse, just- don’t overwork, okay?” He’d said with a sheepish smile, hands fumbling as he tucked Neil into bed like a child. Todd was thankfully too anxious to notice, but Neil had almost cried on the spot. Not because of the fever or the chills or the headache, but the feeling of being tenderly cared for like he was more than a vessel for his father’s dreams. The few times Neil had gotten sick in the past, he was always met with ice cold disapproval, a sympathetic look from his mother was the most care he’d get. But this time, Todd had personally seen to his comfort, even anticipating his reluctance to miss rehearsals without him having to say it. His heart had almost burst from his chest.
However, despite the warmth and the butterflies, Neil couldn’t help but scowl as he stared at the papers in his hands. He’d slept as much as his fevered head would allow him to, but now he was trapped in a sort of sickly limbo. Alert enough to not fall asleep if he tried, but fuzzy enough to make reading his lines feel like an impossible feat. He’d hoped that his script would make up for being kept away from Henley Hall, that having the dialogue in front of him would bring a shred of comfort while rehearsals went on without him, but there was very little point if he couldn’t get through one line without his head swirling. He’d picked up the script five times in his last two hours of consciousness, and only read about ten words.
He looked at the clock again. 4:34pm.
Just as he was about to throw the script in frustration, his head turned to the sound of the door creaking open. Todd slowly slid inside, arms full of books and a cautious smile on his lips. Neil suppressed a giant sigh of relief. Todd always made everything feel better.
“Hey.” Todd said.
“Hey yourself.” Neil croaked, feigning contentment to no avail. He knew Todd could read him like one of his beloved poetry books. He watched as his roommate set down his books and tentatively approached his bedside, hovering like a particularly nervous ghost.
“How are you feeling?” He asked gently.
Neil coughed, it sounded disgusting. “Not great, but no worse than this morning.” He said with what he hoped was a reassuring smile. “How was your day?”
Todd shrugged, smiling a little. “Same as always, to be honest. The guys missed you, Charlie was very vocal about your absence.”
“I’m flattered.” Neil snorted.
“I’ll let him know.” Todd chuckled. His smile widened before his gaze dropped to his shoes, the way it always did before he said something out of his comfort zone. “I-uh- I missed you too. A lot.”
Neil felt his cheeks flush. His own eyes flitted in a rare bashfulnes he couldn’t explain. He got like this a lot around Todd, never around Charlie or Knox or Meeks or anyone, really, but something about Todd just made his heart do funny things in his chest. He was his best friend, but not the same way he was best friends with Charlie, Todd just felt… different. But good different. Way better than good different.
“I missed you too.” More than anyone, Neil thought. He chose not to say that part out loud.
Todd’s ears glowed pink, though it might have just been the light. He smiled and cleared his throat, before his eyes wandered to the script on Neil’s lap. He pointed at it. “Did you read any of it?” He asked, voice tinged with a quiet hopefulness that made Neil’s stomach twist.
“I tried.” He murmured guiltily, avoiding Todd’s eyes in embarrassment. “Reading makes my head hurt more, the small print doesn’t really help.”
Neil didn’t need to see Todd’s face to know it had just fallen. “Sorry.” He muttered. “It was a really sweet idea. I just-”
“Oh, Neil, don’t apologise.”
Neil looked up slowly, and the look on Todd’s face almost shattered his heart. It was disappointment, but not the kind he was used to from his father. No, that disappointment left him with a gaping, icy pit in his stomach. The disappointment on Todd’s face however wasn’t aimed at him, it seemed to be aimed at the flu itself, because how dare anything take Neil’s joy away. Neil wanted to cry again. Todd cared so much it almost hurt.
“It was a really sweet idea.” He repeated, praying Todd knew how much it meant to him.
Todd shrugged bashfully, still looking heart achingly sad. “I’m sorry you can’t read it…”
He trailed off, seemingly unsure of what else to say. Neil was about to jump in and tell him not to apologise on his behalf, that he’ll be good as new within a few days and he’ll be back at Henley Hall in no time, but something crossed Todd’s expression before he could. This expression wasn’t new. Blue eyes widening slightly, jaw clenching and unclenching, cheeks flushing pink. Todd wanted to say something, but wasn’t sure how to say it, or if he should.
Neil waited patiently, relaxing his face to put Todd at ease.
After several seconds, Todd finally sucked in a breath, and seemed to surprise himself when he blurted:
"Scoot over?"
Neil blinked.
"What?"
Todd's face twisted in embarassment, but he braced himself and asked again.
"Please?" He added awkwardly. "I have an idea."
Neil blinked again. "I- I don't want you to get sick." He protested weakly.
"We share a room, I'm gonna get sick anyway."
Point taken.
“…You sure?”
“P-positive.”
Neil was frankly stunned with Todd's persistence. It was so rare coming from him, and for such a peculiliar reason too. Though Neil had to admit, the thought of Todd being in bed with him was extremely comforting, and if even Todd held so much conviction over whatever he was planning, then it must be a solid plan. Not that Neil's ever doubted Todd's ideas, he had enough confidence for the both of them.
So, he did as he was asked and shifted closer to the wall, leaving enough space for Todd to climb in next to him. Todd did just that and pulled the covers halfway over his legs.
"Do you think you can sit up a little?" He asked gently, eyes unbearably kind.
Neil wanted to say yes, but his whoozy head screamed the opposite.
"I... don't think so."
"Thats fine, do you- uh- do you think you can rest your head here?"
He awkwardly patted his thigh with his hand, but his face was still quietly determined.
What on earth are you planning Anderson?
"Uh- sure..."
With great effort, Neil willed the energy to lift his head off the pillow, shuffling slowly to his right and lowering right onto Todd’s leg.
He’d barely even processed how damn warm he felt, but Neil was then startled by his covers being adjusted over his shoulders, and one comforting hand resting on his back.
Oh.
He was being held.
Todd was holding him.
“…This alright?”
Neil choked out a noise that sounded vaguely like a yes, the lump in his throat was too big for coherency.
“It’s.. nice.” He managed weakly.
“Good.” Todd sighed with relief. A tentative hand started to card through Neil’s hair. “My mom used to do this for my brother when he got sick. It- um- always made him feel better.”
Neil couldn’t help but raise an eyebrow at the mention of Jeffrey. He frowned. “…Did she not.. do this for you?” He asked carefully.
The hand in his hair froze, only for a second, but enough time for Neil’s stomach to knot with heartbreak, and unfortunately not surprise.
“No.. not for me, no.” Todd murmured. His gentle hand resumed. “I think my parents already thought I was too weak, so they didn’t want to uh- baby me too much, I guess. I don’t know.”
“You’re not weak.” Neil said firmly, as firmly as he could with a crackly throat.
“Tell my parents that.” Todd huffed, before sighing sadly. “Sorry, I’m not- it doesn’t matter. I just thought if it helped Jeffrey, it might help you too.”
Neil decided it was best not to push, though he wished he could. “Well, you’re doing a great job.” He said instead. “My parents have never done this for me either. It’s nice. I feel better already.”
“That’s good. And.. I’m sorry your parents didn’t.” Todd muttered quietly, tone dripping with both sympathy and understanding. Suddenly, he pointed to Neil’s script, that was still sitting on the bed.
“Can I have that?”
Neil’s brow furrowed. “Why?” He chuckled, surprised.
“My idea.”
“Was this-“ he paused, silently gesturing to their rather cozy position. “-not your idea?”
“No. I mean- part of it- but no. You want to be at rehearsals right now, don’t you?”
Neil blinked slowly, wondering where the hell Todd was going with this. “Yeah- of course I do- but how is that-”
Todd gently reached over and picked up Neil’s script, careful fingers smoothing over the edges.
“I’ll read it to you.”
Okay. Neil did not expect that at all. His head went completely blank, lips parting and eyes growing huge.
“…Seriously?”
Todd nodded, looking equal parts nervous and determined. “Reading has always helped me feel… safe.” He murmured, eyes fixed to his hands. “At home, I spend all my time reading books in my room, and- it’s like I- uh- disappear to another world. No parents, no Jeffrey, just me and my thoughts, it helps when I’m feeling overwhelmed. So, I’ll read your script out loud, i-if you like. All you have to do is close your eyes and pretend you’re on stage.”
The words washed over Neil like a gentle wave, and it took everything in him not to burst into tears. This quiet, thoughtful boy who hardly said a word at the start of the semester, was not only holding Neil like he was precious, but also willing to read out loud, just to help him.
“But- you hate reading out loud.” He choked out, glassy eyes blinking up at his roommate.
Todd blushed and shrugged, shy, but undeterred. “Yeah, but that’s in front of lots of people. You’re you. I don’t mind.”
He said it like it was the simplest thing in the world. Neil, utterly stunned, let out a shaky sigh. “You don’t have to.”
“I want to. Do you want me too?”
“…Yes please. If you’re sure.”
Todd smiled. He flicked the script open to just over half way. “Are you on Act 3?”
“Yeah.”
“Alright. Close your eyes.”
Neil obeyed. His eyes slipped shut just as Todd’s hand returned to his hair, nails scratching gently at his scalp. He exhaled as he heard Todd suck in a breath.
And then, his shaky voice flooded the room. And Neil was back on stage.
His skin, no longer ghostly pale, was glowing gold under the stage lights, his throat finally clear as he projected his lines to the audience. There were dozens of people there, all sat in rows and wearing awed smiles that made Neil’s heart skip with pride. But there was one face who stood out against them all. Todd was there, right in the front row, blue eyes soft and a small, proud smile on his lips. Neil’s cheeks flushed as his grin nearly split his face in two.
Todd gave him a shy little wave, and mouthed “You’re doing great!” It was like he was trying to get Neil’s heart to detonate. His chest filled to overflowing.
And he kept performing. His illness was long forgotten as Puck frolicked all over the set, crown of branches askew and eyes sparkling with pure joy. Every one of his lines tasted like freedom in his mouth, like syrup on his tongue, sweet and sugary and downright delicious. He felt unstoppable. His father wasn’t here, strict teachers were no where to be seen. No one but his supportive co stars, a stunned audience, Keating, and his friends to keep him company.
And Todd.
Todd.
Through everything, Neil could still feel gentle fingers toying with his hair, nails scraping the softest patterns over his crown. Todd’s nervous, but soothing voice echoed across the auditorium like a lullaby. Puck made Neil feel exhilarated, ready to take on the world. Todd however made him feel grounded. He was safe here. Soothed and warm and for once letting his guard all the way down. The gratitude in his heart was more than he could ever hope to express.
“Thank you…” He murmured anyway, facing the Todd in the audience.
“You’re welcome.” Todd’s voice replied from above him. “Sorry if I’m getting the pronunciations wrong, Shakespeare’s really hard to read-“
“Please don’t apologise.”
Neil opened his eyes, and the dorm room came flooding back, but it felt no where near as cold and stale as it did earlier. Todd made the world shine so much brighter.
“Seriously, Todd.” He slowly turned his head, now suspiciously clear of fog and ache, and looked Todd in the eye. “This is so nice, nicest thing anyone’s done for me in a while. Don’t sell yourself short. Please.”
Todd’s eyes widened a little at the sentiment. His cheeks flushed a vibrant shade of crimson as his hand stilled, but then it was moving again. This time, his thumb brushed lightly over Neil’s cheekbone, which was getting warmer by the second.
“I’m glad it’s helping.” He whispered softly.
Neil leaned into the touch like he was starving for it, which he supposed he was. His eyes slipped closed again. “Yeah, it’s helping alright.”
They stayed like that for a little while. Todd smoothed his thumbs over Neil’s warm skin like he was made of china. Neil was too relaxed to move. His eyes stayed shut and his lips stayed up turned in a content little smile.
Then, Todd gently interrupted the silence. “Uh- do you want me to keep going?”
Neil opened his eyes and saw Todd shyly holding up his script. He’d actually slipped a bookmark between the pages.
His heart burst.
“I- uh-”
Symptoms of affection induced heart popping apparently included a sudden loss for words.
“…are you okay?” Todd asked, eyebrows raised in slight concern.
Neil couldn’t take it anymore. He sat up, eager, but slowly to not disturb his now much smaller headache. He couldn’t say anything at first, but he couldn’t take his eyes off his roommate.
“…what?” Todd asked, chuckling nervously.
“Nothing.” Neil replied, a little dazed. He placed a gentle hand to Todd’s cheek, testing the waters. Todd looked startled, eyes widening, but he didn’t pull away. Quite the opposite actually.
“Todd… I… you’re an absolute sweetheart, you know that?”
And before Todd could protest, shrug him off or say something self deprecating, Neil leaned in and pressed a warm kiss to his cheek.
Todd’s skin instantly flushed hot beneath Neil’s lips, blooming red like a gentle flame. He let out a tiny, surprised squeak, but then he melted like putty in Neil’s hand.
Neil eventually pulled back, heart thudding alarmingly fast. He was relieved to see Todd smiling. That bashful, adoring smile that made Neil’s stomach flip.
“Wh-what was that for?” Todd blurted, trembling fingers reaching up and brushing his cheek, the spot Neil had just kissed.
Neil shrugged shyly. “Just for being you.” He murmured. “Was it okay?”
Todd’s hand did not leave his cheek. He nodded, voice shaky and nearly silent, but happy. “Y-yeah, more than okay.”
They stared at each other then, looking deeply into each other’s eyes as something of an understanding passed between them. Todd’s cool hand slid into Neil’s clammy one, and squeezed it like he’ll never let go.
“Neil.”
“Yeah?”
He laughed and shyly leaned forward to kiss Neil’s forehead. “Lie back down.”
Neil, blushing to high heaven and giggling, did just that. “Yes sir!”
Todd read to him for hours that night. The entire script front to back, even repeating the funnier scenes at Neil’s request. Neil may have been sick, but he’d never felt more safe, more content.
Well, except for a week later, when Neil was finally well enough to kiss Todd on the lips.
Yeah, he didn’t think he could get any happier than that.