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“I understand now Kris, your silent motives for putting all these eggs on my desk like this,” Berdly cockily said as he pushed up the brim of his glasses in place.
There was only one reason for it, only one reason at all why Kris would suddenly ensemble a protein feast on his school desk like this.
“You want to start a family with me don’t you?”
Kris had caught it, the elusive baby fever, and they could think of no other better partner than him to start their own private little family with. And frankly, he couldn’t blame them for thinking that way, I mean he was the smartest person in class next to Noelle after all, so he was sure to raise equally smart children too if he were their father. Plus, he did know how to dress sharp enough to make any human and monster fall for him too, so he’d naturally know how to style his children when they got older to be jaw dropping to potential mates as well. Not to mention he’d be able to teach them plenty of tips and tricks to be the best pro gamers out there and…
“Hey, Kris! Don’t walk away from your newfound parental responsibilities already!” The ever pragmatic bluebird shouted when he saw his friend already on their way to abandon their children at the first moment’s notice, “Just how could you think of leaving little Naoya, Tatsuya, Maya, Minato, Kotone, Yu, and Ren, all alone like that?”
Were they just trying to become the poster child of parental neglect or something here?
“Yes, I did name them after the Persona protagonists because they have cool names!” Berdly double downed and said when he saw Kris silently give him the stink eye, “It’s not a crime, unlike what you’re doing right by leaving the poor little things unattended like this!”
Leaving seven small tiny eggs all alone in the classroom like this with no one else to rely on but each other and their own limited understanding of the whole wide world, well it was just one of the cruelest things he could have ever imagined Kris doing!
“Oh! You poor little eggs don’t need to wet your cute little shells like this with your tears, Daddy’s here to protect you and comfort you in his strong wings unlike someone else,” Berdly heavily guilt tripped Kris and said as he held all seven eggs close to his chest.
It was fine, he was prepared to be the best single dad he could if need be. No, scratch that! He wouldn’t just be the best single dad, he’d do his best to be the best single mom too because you know what they say, sometimes in life it took the best boy to be best girl too!
“Fine, I’ll help out too,” Kris finally gave in and said when they walked back to Berdly’s side and looked at their newfound family together.
If he was going to be that serious about it then I guess they didn’t mind it playing along, they had gone through a lot to gather all those eggs after all, so they didn’t want anyone to do anything stupid like breaking them.
“Really you will?! I knew you still had a soul in you, my little discord kitten!” the bluebird excitedly replied, as a long deep frown suddenly spread across Kris’s usual neutral face in response to that terrible nickname.
“Ah, that’s right Noelle did inform me you were always more of the obedient dog type rather than a march by your own kind of drum kitten,” Berdly suddenly remarked, realizing the error of his ways, “Well, if you want to act as the adorable little dog that runs up and pounces on me every time you see me because of how much you miss me then I won’t stop you from doing that either.”
He liked both cat people and dog people so he wasn’t particularly picky on which category Kris fell into in this particular circumstance.
“You want me to run up and pounce on you doggy style every time I see you?” Kris raised an eyebrow and asked to make sure they were hearing Berdly correctly.
Not that they were opposed to the request or anything since it actually sounded quite fun, but didn’t even Berdly have to admit that what he was asking them was kind of you know… sus?
“W-Well it was just a turn of a phrase,” Berdly began to say with an increasing red face when it finally hit him what he had just asked of them, “I didn’t mean you actually had to do it if you didn’t want to-”
“Eh?! Kris! Not in front of the little eggs! They’re too young to see something like that!” The other bluebird shouted as their new co-parent suddenly pounced on top of him and straddled each side of his hips with their legs as they sat on top of his lap.
This kind of thing was indecent for their baby eggs to see at their age! They should only learn about intimate activities like this when they all got much older!
“But you did say you wouldn’t stop me if I pounced you like this,” Kris started to point out, seeing the perfect opportunity to tease the other bird here, “and don’t you agree that it’s important for us to show affection to each other every once in a while to show our little eggs what a healthy loving relationship looks like?”
“W-Well, yes of course I can see the merit in that last point,” the other bird started to stumble over his words and say as he felt Kris started to cup either side of his face to fluster him more, “but still we are in our classroom here, so we have to have some decorum. I mean what if someone suddenly else comes in and catches the two of us like this and…?”
“HOLY GUACAMOLE! Krispy Chicken is REAL?!”
Their teacher, Ms. Alphys, dropped her cup of coffee on the ground and shouted when she suddenly came into the room and saw the two of them practically all over each other on the floor of her classroom.
“Huh?! Ms. Alphys we can explain! The two of us have a very perfectly logical explanation for all of this!” Berdly began to double down and say when he was first caught off guard by the sight of their teacher in the room.
He couldn’t believe it! It was all just what he feared would end up happening! He knew if the two of them weren’t careful that someone was bound to catch Kris and him in their scandalous love affair together like this!
“And what kind of explanation is that?!” Their yellow dinosaur teacher shouted back, while doing her best in keeping the blood from dripping out of her nose because of how fanfic worthy she found the whole scenario.
“Isn’t it obvious? The two of us are trying to start a family here,” Kris responded, with their usual lack of detail regarding the whole scenario leading to even further misconceptions between the three of them.
“A FAMILY?!” Their teacher shockingly yelled out, before her eyes glanced back at the pile of eggs on the desk behind the two of them and she clearly understood what was going on immediately, when her face grew even more beat red in response.
“I… I can’t believe you got seven eggs out of Berdly already Kris…” Ms. Alphys looked off into the distance and replied, mostly concerned but also a little impressed by the fact, “You really work fast don’t you?”
She didn’t know how Kris had made it possible nor how Berdly had been able to produce so many eggs that quickly in the last time she saw him, which was only half an hour prior, but she didn’t think she wanted to know the details. Her expertise as a teacher only helped her deal with so much, it wasn’t built to deal with delicate and intimate situations like this.
“I’m… I’m just going to slowly back away and pretend I never saw anything,” their teacher nervously spoke up once and said as she began to awkwardly shimmy out of the room, “I suggest you two should probably do the same and head home whenever you both are “done” here as well.”
She was going to pretend she never saw this. As much as it might have made her Kerdly shipper heart skip a beat from witnessing a moment of her OTP in action like this, she was smart enough to know not to speak a word of it to anyone because if she did and Toriel had no idea what was going on than all hell would break loose!
I mean if Toriel found out about the fact that she had unintentionally been keeping the secret that she already had seven grandchildren from her (and possibly even more given the incredibly intense pace both Kris and Berdly were both going at right now) then she certainly would never hear the end of it, which why she absolutely wasn’t going to get involved at all costs!
“Somehow I feel like Ms. Alphys got the entirely wrong impression there…” Berdly awkwardly spoke up and said when it was just Kris and him alone (alongside their seven little eggs) in the classroom together once more.
There was just something about the look in her eyes and the concerned tone in her voice as she left, that told him the two of them were going to have to do a lot explaining to her the next time they saw her.
“Maybe she did, but she had a point that we should probably start to head home some after we finish our “business” together,” Kris replied.
“Our business?” Berdly looked back up at his co-parent and asked them.
“Yeah, like if we’re going to decide to expand our family more together or not?” Kris answered him as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.
“E-Expand our family?!” Berdly started to stumble over his words as reply, “D-Did you have some more eggs stored in your pocket or something that you hadn’t placed on my desk yet?”
If Kris had that many eggs on them they might’ve as well just left them in the carton they had come in to make transporting them around either, they didn’t need to keep them hidden in various parts of their body like they had done so far.
“No, I was thinking we should personally make some more eggs of our own this time…” Kris started to lean down closer to the other bird’s face and say.
“Pardon?!” The humble little bluebird widened his eyes and replied when he felt his friend’s whole body get tantalizingly close to his own.
This wasn’t going where he thought it was, was it?! There was no way that Kris was possibly suggesting for the two of them to do that were they?!
“You're a smart bird, Berdly. You know there’s only one thing two hot blooded people like us could work alone together and do to get more eggs, which is…” Kris began to trail off and say as they pressed the top of their forehead against his own to really hammer in the lack of space between them.
“Steal them!” Kris sat up and announced with a happy grin on their face, “We’ll go steal more eggs from the grocery store together so we can expand our ever growing family!”
“Huh? That’s it?” Berdly responded as he felt his heart suddenly drop out of relief (?) no, maybe sadness? At the sudden loss of proximity from his friend.
“Yeah, did you think I was going to say something else?” Kris looked back at him and asked with a shit eating grin that told him they knew exactly what they were doing.
“N-No, of course not! I'm always one step ahead of you, so of course I knew that’s what you meant from the very beginning!” Berdly flusteredly stumbled over his own words and said to save face.
Drats! He was always too easily susceptible to Kris’s mischievous antics! He really did need to work on that, especially when he was around their new little eggs! He couldn’t let them find out about his weaknesses, so each of them could exploit it as they each grew older after all!
“But let's go buy the rest of our eggs instead though, I don’t want our children to live a life on the run if we steal them,” Berdly began to scoop the rest of the hugs in his wings and tell his fellow co-parent as he prepared them for their first big family trip to the store together.
It wouldn’t be fair for them to start each of their adorable new little eggs in a life of crime after all.
“Wow, such a family man decision, I think I just might be in love,” Kris played up and said, partly to humor the other bird and partly to humor themselves.
I mean who didn’t find responsible parental figures extremely hot and sexy?
“Haha, I know right?” The other bird replied, always way too eager to get cocky at a compliment, “I bet I’m so attractive to you right now that you even consider me total DILF material.”
“…”
“Let’s just go to the store, Berdly,” Kris said as they grabbed the other bird’s free hand in their own one, while deciding not to address the comment any further.
If that was what Berdly wanted to truly believe then they wouldn’t do or say anything to crush his extremely delusional fantasies otherwise.