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The music is blasting in his ears, loud and roaring. The only thing he can think about is the crowd of bodies that keep touching him and pushing him in the dancefloor.
Jisung looks at Hyunjin, dancing his heart out, evidently flirting with god knows who.
He needs a drink, he needs air.
He makes his way through the suffocating crowd, and finds his way to the kitchen where the drinks were set up and quickly pours himself something. He doesn’t really care what he’s drinking, he isn’t getting the drink to enjoy it in the first place. He just wants to relax a bit, have fun maybe, like everyone. He hadn’t wanted to come to the party at all actually, but Hyunjin had insisted, said he could really use a night out, maybe it was exactly what he needed to get out of his head. And maybe his friend was right, maybe Jisung needed just that. But all he felt so far was just uncomfortable and irrationally anxious.
“Hey, pretty face”
Jisung turned to face a young handsome man, in a black tight shirt. Anxiety immediately spiked in him, he really wasn’t in the mood to talk to strangers right now.
“Come dance with me?”
Jisung could barely hear his words through the blasting music and the ringing in his ears.
“What?”
He just wanted to disappear, lock himself in a room away from any form of human being, away from parties and sweaty handsome men who flirted with him.
“Come on pretty, don’t be difficult.”
The stranger got closer to Jisung, his alcohol breath hitting his face, and he suddenly felt like throwing up.
“Sorry im really not interested-“
That’s when he felt it. A rough hand on his butt, groping him, and the stranger’s face was suddenly close to his own, too close.
“C’mon, a dance won't hurt”
He freezed for a second, disgust, anxiety and fear, all spiraling at the same time. He really didn't want to be there. He really wanted to go home, get under his bed and forget about the whole night. He needed to get out.
“Get off, i said no”
Jisung pushed him off as hard as he could, and quickly ran back into the dancing crowd, screaming and jumping on the beat. He needed to find Hyunjin and finally go home.
He searched the crowd frantically, looking for his friend, but Hyunjin wasn’t there. He felt himself panicking even more, tears prickled at his eyes as he desperately started looking around the house. He really just wanted to go home, safe and alone.
But he kept thinking about the unwanted hand on his ass, the stranger’s breath on his face. A normal person would have never reacted like that. A normal person wouldn’t have made that big of a deal on a stupid hand. Everyone else would’ve just told the asshole to fuck off and then keep enjoying the night. Hyunjin on the other hand, would had flirted back with the handsome guy, maybe even taking the night further with him.
Jisung wished he could do that so bad.
But the unwanted touch just reminded him once again how wrong he was, for not wanting what everyone else wanted.
It was not the stranger looks that made him uncomfortable, the guy was even pretty attractive to be fair, it wasn’t even the man’s attitude, or the way he completely ignored Jisung’s refusal.
It was deeper than that. It was the reminder that Jisung had something wrong with him, like a piece that was missing, and that he would never find. He was different, and because of that he would be alone forever. Nobody would like a sex-repulsed freak. And even if they thought they could deal with him, settle for him, Jisung knew that they would eventually get tired of him.
He kept looking around for his friend, lump in his throat and sweaty hands trembling, and as he entered another room he crashed into someone’s chest.
“Jisung?”
Minho.
His scent surrounded him, making him forget the alcohol smell of the stranger. His hyung was here.
Jisung had been desperate for a moment alone the whole night, the stranger’s touch only making it worse. He couldn’t wait to get to his dorm room, locked and quiet, alone and hidden for anyone to see him.
Now all he could think about was how much he needed Minho.
His scent, his voice, suddenly he didn’t think he could make it alive without him by his side.
The older cupped his cheeks with his hands, his face frowning with a worried look. Minho looked so beautiful and so familiar, in contrast with how his whole night had been going. Jisung felt so safe, just by looking at him.
“Hey, what happened? Why are you crying?”
He had started crying without even realizing it, only now feeling Minho’s thumbs stroking away his warm tears. Which also made him remember where he was, quickly looking around and noticing a few people giving him looks, the anxiety from before coming right back. He didn’t want to be seen, he hated feeling the eyes on him, especially in his current state. But the older immediately recognized that frightened look. How could he know him so well?
“Let’s go outside ok?”
Minho took Jisung’s hand and guided him out, his hand tight and steady, and the younger clung to him nervously until they finally got outside.
“Sungie, can you tell me what happened?”
The older was standing in front of him looking him in the eyes, worry wrinkling his face, cupping his cheek and pushing the younger’s hair out of his face, waiting for him to talk to him.
Minho was looking at him with such a caring and worried look that Jisung couldn’t help but start crying again.
“It’s just- I can’t find Hyunjin, and he’s my ride and I-“
Minho kept brushing his hair out of his face as a sob wrecked him. Minho, his so caring hyung whom appeared out of nowhere, right when he needed him. Could he be an angel? He had to be.
“I just..I really want to go home”
“It’s okay Sung, I’ll drive you”
Silent tears kept escaping his eyes, despite Jisung’s effort to keep them at bay. He had no reason to be crying that much. He was just overreacting, making such a big deal out of nothing.
The older took Jisung hands in his own and held them tight, catching the younger’s attention.
“Do you want to tell me what happened?”
Jisung couldn’t bare to look him in the eyes, to see so much worry and concern over such a dumb thing that happened. His hyung was worried for him, he had ruined his night. Minho could’ve enjoyed the party, like everybody did.
He lowered his head, and the tears only kept coming.
“Sungie look at me. It’s okay if you don’t want to, mh? You can tell me when you’re ready.”
Minho sighed and pulled him in a hug, tucking the younger’s head under his chin, caressing his hair.
“I’ll take you home”
***
The ride to Jisung’s dorm was quiet, if not for the soft buzz of the late night radio. Minho kept a hand on the younger’s knee the entire time, and Jisung just looked at the road ahead of them, puffy eyed, sniffling from time to time. The realization of how he reacted hit him, and he felt so ashamed and guilty for worrying his hyung for no real reason.
They got to the front door, and the older boy softly took the keys from Jisung’s hand, which was shaking too much.
The took off their shoes, and hung their coats at the entrance, Jisung’s dorm messy as always.
Minho left the younger in the bathroom, and came back with clean clothes, helping the other change.
Jisung was now sat on the edge of the bathtub, the elder cleaning his face and wiping off the small amount of make he had put before going to the party.
Minho held the younger’s chin in his hand, face scrunched up in concentration, delicately rubbing the damp towel on his cheeks. It was such a tender, pure gesture. Everything with Minho was, it made Jisung’s heart swell, tears almost prickling back.
He himself didn’t really know what exactly they had going on. If their friendship could still be called that, if their relationship was actually platonic, or if it was slowly evolving into more.
Others were always teasing them for it, for the names they called each other with, the simple gestures such as this one, that were apparently not so friendly.
What Jisung knew tho, was how much he loved the boy in front of him, taking care of him.
And despite the teasing, things were never weird or awkward between them, things never felt wrong for them. Nothing with Minho ever was.
It all felt so right to Jisung.
Once the older was done, he started tidying up everything they used, the dirty clothes Jisung wore and the tissues he used to dry his running nose.
Jisung began to feel nervous again, he didn’t want the older to leave. Ironically, he really didn’t want to be alone. He pulled Minho’s sweater sleeve, immediately gaining his full attention.
“Please don’t go”
Minho paused.
When Jisung was upset, all he wanted was to be left alone, and the older suffered so much from that. He worried about him, and not being able to see him, take care of him, made him sick.
Now the younger was asking him to stay.
“Don’t leave me, please hyung-”
The beat of silence spiked Jisung’s anxiety to the stars, making him instantly regret bothering his hyung.
“Of course bug,”
Minho caressed him, his cheek, his hand, he was there. He wasn’t going anywhere.
“I’m here baby, I’m not leaving”
They moved to the bedroom, Minho changed in clean, burrowed clothes, both laying on their sides, facing each other. Minho had asked him, but Jisung was not in the mood for anime, or youtube. None of those could compare to the soft sounds of their breaths, combining together.
“Hyung?”
Minho hummed in question.
“It’s really dumb, what happened at the party”
The older took his hand in his own, stroking it softly, comforting.
“Whatever made you upset, it most certainly isn’t dumb. You could’ve been crying over a scratch for all i care, and it would still be important.”
There was a pause from the younger. A look, full of love, from Minho.
“ There was this guy, he asked me to dance, and then he-”
Stupid, stupid, stupid.
But Minho’s hand was on his, still caressing, patient, kind.
“He put a hand on my butt”
Minho barely had time to put aside his protective anger, his absolute rage towards the stranger.
“He- um, groped me”
“Sungie-“
“I overreacted, it was nothing. I should’ve just brushed it off, but- it made me so uncomfortable”
“Jisung, Jisungie listen to me. You have no reason to justify yourself, you-”
Jisung was looking at him, with those glossy doe eyes.
“Oh, baby. I’m so sorry. What he did was horrible. You have every right to be upset, you understand?”
Minho hugged him impossibly close and tight, Jisung’s tears hit him full force this time.
“I just- It made me feel so wrong. For not wanting that, you know”
Minho listened, patient, through the younger’s heartbreaking sobs.
“I just wish I didn’t have to be like this”
The elder felt devastated, hearing Jisung, his Jisungie, talking about himself in such a depressing way.
“Baby, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. You are so special Jisung, I wish you could see that, and not wanting to have sex, makes you no less.”
The sobs kept wrecking him. Minho’s words, slowly healing a part of him, almost like slowly filling that piece he felt was missing.
“I’m so sorry you had to go through that, bug.”
Minho planted a kiss on Jisung’s head.
“But trust me, you’re not wrong. There is so much more to you than you’re asexuality. You are the kindest, most special person that i know. And you’re not any less than other people. And if they can’t see that, It’s their loss.”
The sobs were slowing, the breathing back to normal, the only sign of the tears left was the wet spot on Minho’s chest.
“Hyung”
“Yes?”
“I’ve felt wrong my entire life”
A beat of silence, their breaths mixing again.
“But you make me feel so, incredibly, right”
Minho smiled.