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“No. Absolutely not.”
Ludger Cherish crosses his arms, scowling at Merylda, and barely scrounging up a semblance of respect and proper deference for Principal Elisa. Next to him, Professor Merylda attempts to be trying to grab his attention with puppy eyes, but Ludger is very, very good at ignoring things he doesn’t want to deal with. This is one of them.
“It’ll be a nice bonding activity for you new professors, Professor Ludger. We need to increase Ceoren’s presence on social media anyways, if we don’t want to fall behind the other universities. You know students won’t apply unless they’re actually interested,” cajoles the principal. Every word is logical, but when Ludger thinks about what she’s actually trying to persuade him to do, every single piece of that logic just shatters in his mind.
“I am aware of the necessities in maintaining a positive impression in the minds of the future generation of students, but is my presence in this really necessary? Surely I could contribute in other ways. I’d be willing to take on an editing or filming job, or even organizing the future videos,” he pleads. If it was any other trend — actually, no, some of the other trends are even more horrifying. But the idea that worse things are possible does not stop this one from being godawful.
“Who else but you could possibly play the role, though? This is after all meant to be a role for you newer teachers, being closer to the students’ ages. And to follow the spirit of the trend, either you or Professor Chris must play the role,” continues Principal Elisa, delicately implying what is clear to everyone in the room. Even Benimore doesn’t look offended by the words. Ludger thinks about continuing to argue, but she has a point. He tried imaging Benimore in the role, and immediately winces from the mental image. No. Horrible decision. But really, would he be able to do any better? He’s pretty sure the answer is no, even if Professor Merylda and Professor Selina both seem determined to convince him otherwise. He contemplates asking why they even must do this specific trend, but he’s honestly terrified the principal will suggest something worse.
The last nail in the coffin stabs his heart from the sheer betrayal it is, for it comes from the only person here he remotely trusts — Professor Selina. She, clearly having been led to the dark side by Professor Merylda, looks at him with wide, pleading eyes.
“We haven’t had all that many chances to bond together as the newest professors, Professor Ludger. Doesn’t this seem like it’ll be fun?”
Silently, Ludger feels his final walls crumbling down, because there’s something so earnest about the pink-haired professor that he’s sure even Hugo Burtag (the absolute asshole he is) would fold under that gaze. He sighs, and reluctantly nods.
The entire sound is just twenty-seven seconds anyways. How long could this possibly take?
___
Two hours and a half later, Ludger Cherish has to admit that he’s fucked up.
It started terribly, as they tried to choose a location. Merylda, playing the male role, had confidently chosen a window on the highest fucking floor. She had to be reminded several times that the very last scene would have her hanging mostly out of it, and even then she kept shooting back despondent glances as the others shooed her away to somewhere safer. Benimore, who Ludger is grudgingly elevating back to Professor Chris after his lengthy convincing of Professor Merylda to choose a safer spot, had tried to get them to agree to just using a doorway. Unfortunately for him, Professor Merylda proceeded to spend around thirty minutes just expounding on the virtues of proper shot planning and explaining why a doorway made for a terrible shot in this case.
Finally, after being dragged around the entire school, Professor Chris’ need for safety and Professor Merylda’s meticulous shot planning compromised for a window on the first floor, with a car being parked close to underneath it for extra detail. By the time all this was done, it was already nearing midnight — appropriate for the scene, sure, but he had a morning class. Resigning himself to an all-nighter, Ludger sighs moodily as they finally settle and dump their props on the floor.
Now, it was time to actually set up the shot. Two cameras were planned for: one close to the window, pointing to where Ludger would stand, and one from Ludger’s perspective, facing towards Professor Merylda. Naturally, they would film one after the other for the best shots, with Professor Selina focusing on setting up costumes, props, etc. while Professor Chris manned the camera and screamed vaguely at them when they were in the wrong positions.
Luckily for Ludger — or perhaps not, he’ll have to see how it goes — Professor Merylda volunteered to go first. Under Professor Selina’s surprisingly careful styling, she was soon outfitted with a rather convincing robe and wig. A few strokes of a brush later, she also had on a slightly less convincing beard.
“It’s perfect,” promises Merylda, admiring her braids in a mirror. “You did a wonderful job, darling.”
“It’s hideous is what it is,” grumbles Professor Chris. “That’s just a bunch of scribbled zigzags.”
Ludger politely averts his eyes as Professor Chris gains several new bruises, as Professor Selina stammers, unseen by both, that she was actually just outlining where the beard was supposed to go.
Both Ludger and Professor Selina took out their phones, her at least making an effort of hiding it while Ludger was too fucking tired to bother, when Professor Chris started screaming. Still in sync, they both winced at a particularly loud thump that sounded rather like it had hit a bone, neither of them turning off their recording. As Professor Merylda dumps a half-dead Professor Chris until the floor, black and blue, Ludger shares an amused look with Professor Selina, before clearing his throat and asking politely if they’re ready to actually get started.
Huffing, Professor Merylda death-glares Professor Chris one more time, before allowing Professor Selina to make some final adjustments and taking her place next to the window. The pink-haired professor pulls up the audio, and Professor Chris, still massaging his arms, grimaces before counting down.
As he reaches zero, the cursed, cursed audio starts playing, Professor Merylda having already entered her character.
Alexander come back to sleep…
Merylda is a very good actor, Ludger comes to realize. Her reactions are all on point, from the rapid switches between frustration and a not-quite-happy smile, to the mouthing of her lines between gritted teeth. Of course, her reactions are exaggerated to fit the trend, throwing her hands up in the air and pretending to bang her head against the window when Elisa (oh god he’s gonna have to pretend to be Elisa Schuyler ) keeps trying to convince Hamilton to “come back to bed”, but it’s clear she knows how to play a role, and play it well . Ludger briefly wonders if that carries over to outside of a stage, and then decides it’s no business of his if it does. Half of the new teachers have a terrible (or in his case, several) secret anyways, he wouldn’t be surprised if she also had one.
After the take, Professor Merylda is right back to her smily self. Ludger expects applause — which he and Professor Selina offer. Professor Chris, however, frowns and immediately starts pointing out issues Ludger would never have seen, and Professor Merylda nods, agreeing. After looking at the recording, what seemed like a perfect performance to Ludger is completely torn apart by the two, and Professor Merylda immediately takes her spot again, beginning another take before Ludger can even say anything.i
Is this what he’ll have to deal with too? God, if even that wasn’t a good enough take, what the fuck is he going to have to pull out to pass?
This time, the take goes significantly worse, yet also… fitting, in a sense?
To be more literal, Professor Merylda falls out of the window. There is a loud thump. She immediately drags herself back into view, several twigs in her hair with a rather manic grin, and mouthed her last line — This meeting’s at dawn.
Immediately after the camera stops recording, Professor Selina rushes over and pulls Professor Merylda back in, not doing a particularly great job of holding back a laugh. Ludger has to look away to keep his own composure, and Professor Chris’ corner of his mouth is twitching so much Ludger would suspect a seizure. Professor Merylda takes it with good heart, laughing at herself in the mirror.
“Ah, I’m almost tempted to keep that one. That was kind of funny,” she exclaims, rewinding the footage. Unfortunately for Ludger’s time, both Professor Chris and Professor Merylda opt to try again and piece together the good pieces of footage, as Professor Selina fixes up Professor Merylda’s hair and clothing again. Ludger stands to a side and tries to pretend (failing miserably, actually) that he actually knows what’s going on and isn’t just contemplating running for the hills.
Three more takes later, Professor Selina has joined him in silently watching the other two figure out the optimal positioning and expressions for the shot. They’re both too afraid to talk, worried about even slightly disrupting… whatever the fuck is happening over there, but it is rather reassuring to know that he’s not the only one holding a healthy dose of fear for the manic discussions he can barely make sense of.
Finally, after nearly an hour of filming just Merylda’s part (not including the fuckery that happened before they started recording) the other two conclude that they have enough footage to stitch together into something respectable. Ludger has also developed a deep, visceral hate for the name Alexander, and has no plans on going to sleep any time soon. If he never hears this fucking audio again, it’ll be too soon.
He gets to rejoice about them being halfway through for exactly two seconds before two ominous stares are turned towards him.
F u c k.
___
First of all, he has never been more thankful for his long hair, because it means he doesn’t need a wig. This does not stop Professor Selina from spending nearly twenty minutes trying out different styles on it before Professor Chris suddenly exclaims that he should actually be in a nightcap.
And so, a white piece of tomfoolery is tossed onto his head — well, tossed with care and ten minutes of figuring out what’s the optimal position to make it realistic but dramatic but amusing but-
He gives up and just tries not to move as the world spins around him.
Next, he’s handed a pastel pink nightgown. Ludger stares blankly at Professor Merylda, who’s even worse than Professor Selina at muffling a laugh.
“Are you serious.”
“Why, of course! You watched the videos, didn’t you?” He’d almost believe her serious tone if she wasn’t half muffled behind her hand as her shoulder shook from holding in what’s probably a cackle.
Somehow, Professor Chris is the most composed.
“Just put it on, Cherish. It’s for the effect,” he interrupts Professor Merylda’s monologue about the virtues of historical accuracy or whatever bullshit she was improvising.
With another sigh, Ludger decided that he’s already going to be losing all his dignity, he might as well chuck the last bits in the mud and stomp on them. Five minutes later, the horrendous piece of fabric is hanging off of him, and he takes a second to question exactly what series of decisions had led him to this day. He’s just about finished cataloguing all the ways he could have avoided this (dying. Dying violently. Throwing himself off of a cliff. Throwing himself into that explosion on the way to Ceoren.) when any of the other three even gather their words together. He braces himself for a laugh-
“How the fuck does that look decent on you?” questions Professor Chris, actually sounding bewildered as he glances over him. “That’s supposed to be funny . Stop wearing it like it’s a fashion statement.”
Ludger deadpans at him, motioning to the Long Fabric that is what he’s been shoved into. “How is this a fashion statement? It’s a statement that I’ve gone mad, that’s what it is.”
Professor Chris seems about to retort something, but Professor Merylda grabs him by the shoulder and steers him back to the camera, as Professor Selina continues to stare blankly at Ludger. Heavens, he can’t look that horrifying, can he?
“Ah- don’t forget to hold a lantern, Professor Ludger,” she finally forces out, shoving a light into his hands before backing to a corner. Ludger sighs again, before taking his place with all the grimness of someone walking to their death, which is roughly what this feels like anyways
“Right. Uh. Do you remember your lines and actions, Professor Ludger?”
Ludger mentally reviews everything again, before nodding. Taking a deep breath, he firmly shuts up anything in him that weeps at the sheer ridiculousness of this entire thing , and drags whatever actor he has in him up to the surface to die.
He’s put on many, many masks. This is not one he expected, but he’s gotten far too used to working with whatever scraps he’s given. And so, he quickly profiles his character again — somewhat annoyed at her husband disappearing in the middle of the night, trying to convince him to come back, half-cajoling and nearing firm by the end. As the music plays, he pretends to be surprised, at first, at her (his?) husband’s sneaking out, rubbing his eyes as he holds up the lantern. Waiting for the audio to reach his section again, he frowns as Merylda’s character comes up with some inane excuse.
It’s still dark outside…
Ludger motions exasperatedly to the window, his lantern the main source of light in the dark room. He tries to drag as much expression onto his face as possible, which he typically does his best to avoid . Unfortunately, for the purpose of playing this role, he needs to cure his Resting Bitch Face syndrome and actually figure out how to convey feelings. Horrifying. He silently shoves it out of his mind again, trying to focus on the scene.
What vibe did Professor Merylda say he needed to give off here? Exhausted? Desperate? Whatever it was, his current mood seems to fit, so he dramatically mouthes Why do you write like you’re running out of time , nearly dropping his lantern as he motions with his hands.
Finally, after another few back and forths, Ludger turns his back to the camera with as much “huffiness” as he can manage, stalking out of frame as his husband is presumably fucking off to get shot. Fun.
A soft beep indicates the end of the recording, and Ludger immediately lets his face drop back to its customary monotone, staring blankly at the wall as he desperately prays for a miracle that means he won’t need to do this again. It won’t happen, but he can imagine.
“Shiiiiit, Professor Ludger! That was some decent acting right there!” Professor Merylda praises, oddly sounding like she means it. “I thought you’d be a lot worse at this, I won’t lie, but you have some serious potential.”
“…Thanks. I think,” replies Ludger, studiously refusing to make any sort of eye contact. Grinning like she knows what he’s thinking, Professor Merylda walks over to look at the recorded footage again, humming in agreement as she and Professor Chris whisper about positioning and whatnot. Ludger continues to stare at the wall, Professor Selina reaching out to pat his back in some form of solidarity.
“That was actually really good, Professor Ludger. Seriously, you know Merylda wouldn’t lie,” she comforts, carefully avoiding the nightcap precariously pinned to his head.
Sighing for what feels like the nth time this night, a random thought pops into his head.
“Where did you acquire the nightgown, by the way? I can understand Professor Merylda’s suit, but the nightgown? That’s several decades out of style,” he questions.
Oddly enough, the muttered conversation next to them immediately stops. He turns his head over in confusion, only to find Professor Merylda half collapsed on the floor, and Professor Chris’ face steadily flushing in color, as he whispers for the other to shut up.
… Wait. No way. No fucking way.
Ludger’s stare gets more and more incredulous with every second Professor Chris doesn’t deny the insane proposition that the nightgown is his .
“It’s pastel pink and bordered with lace,” he whispers, horror and amusement battling in his mind. Amusement wins out, and his lips curl up as Professor Chris gives up and buries his head in his hands.
“I’m aware , Cherish.”
“ There’s flowers embroidered on the bottom. ”
“ I’m fucking aware, Cherish. ”
Slowly, Ludger shakes his head, as Professor Merylda wheezes on the floor and Professor Selina muffles chuckles into her elbow. For a second, even his own loss of dignity is drowned out by the utterly ridiculous picture of Professor Chris wearing this atrocity of a garment, every night .
Of course, this good feeling is immediately ruined by Chris calling for another take, gnashing his teeth the entire time.
Not completely ruined, actually. Ludger has to hold himself back from laughing all over again when he sees the other professor blush furiously all over again when Ludger stands back up fully, embroidered flowers clearly visible even under the dim light of the camera.
“Put the origin of the gown in the caption when you post the video,” Ludger mutters to Selina under his breath.
“I will,” she replies, giggling.
It’s safe to say he heads into the second take in a much lighter mood.
___
Perhaps because Professor Merylda is far less strict on him than on herself, he finishes up his role in only three more takes, the entire necessary time only half an hour or so. All of them take a few minutes to just stretch — Ludger still firmly denying any invites to view the footage — and relax, the clock showing that it’s officially 4am, which means that there really is no use whatsoever attempting to sleep, considering the clean up and editing and whatever. They tidy up the mess in companionable silence, only broken by Merylda as they’re all about to head off to their respective quarters.
“I know what we’re filming tomorrow,” she chirps, blissfully ignoring the way Ludger chokes next to her.
“We’re what now,” he questions, whirling around to meet her mischievous gaze.
“Yeah! I promised the principal three whole videos, you wouldn’t want to let her down, would you? Professor Chris, you’ll have to act in the next one too.”
Ludger, for a moment, seriously considers if he should throw himself out the window or throw her out the window. Seeing the horrified expression on Professor Chris’ face, he gets to feel a moment of satisfaction before Professor Merylda continues.
“We’ll be filming that ‘nani gasuki’ trend, so prepare yourselves to act cute!”
…Throwing her out of this window is too fucking kind. Ludger’s at least carrying her two floors higher before drop kicking her into space.
And yet, he knows all too well that no matter how reluctantly, he’ll still be showing up tomorrow.