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Xie Lian stood at the edge of the cliff, one trembling hand pressed to his forehead, the other clutched dramatically at his chest as if his heart were too noble to be contained within his ribcage.
The mountain breeze caught his flowing robes and whipped them around his ankles until he looked less like a man and more like a fainting water lily possessed by the spirit of a swan.
“Oh heavens above” he whispered, his voice so soft it could only be heard by particularly nosy squirrels. “Alas, my delicate omega bones cannot withstand such vigorous activity. Why must the world be so cruel to one as fragile as I?”
Indeed, he had been valiantly—no, heroically—no, seductively—pursuing a spiritual beast when disaster struck. One moment, he was spinning Fangxin with all the grace of a prima ballerina; the next, his tragically oversized sleeves had tangled around his feet, sending him stumbling toward the edge with all the pitiful elegance of a fainting goat.
Xie Lian swayed, eyes fluttering shut in surrender. “If only—ah!—a strong, virile alpha would come sweep me away into his bulging, muscle-bound arms…” His voice cracked like a tragic harp string as he added, “…to cradle me like the delicate porcelain tea cup I am.”
And then—lightning cracked across a perfectly sunny sky, the earth trembled, and a single crimson butterfly appeared, shimmering with enough drama to shame an entire opera troupe.
“Fear not, my beloved little dumpling of fragility” boomed a voice so deep it rattled the cliffside and made three rabbits pass out from sheer testosterone.
The butterfly burst into flame—then reassembled itself into the majestic form of Hua Cheng, all black leather and devastating smirk, his eyepatch glinting like it had just been polished with the tears of lesser men.
“San Laaa!” Xie Lian gasped, clutching at his chest as though his omega heart might explode into flower petals. “You’ve come to rescue me! My alpha, my saviour, my… future husband?”
Hua Cheng spread his arms, the sun igniting a holy spotlight behind him, and declared, “I would crawl across three thousand scorching deserts, wrestle ten thousand dragons, and politely greet your ex-fiancés just to hold you, Gugu.”
At this, Xie Lian promptly swooned so hard that his body arched like a tragic willow in the wind, forcing Hua Cheng to swoop in and catch him bridal-style before he hit the ground.
“San Laaaa…” Xie Lian breathed, gazing up through fluttering lashes. “Your muscles… they are so… alpha-coded .”
“My Gege” Hua Cheng rumbled, staring at him like he was both the moon and the last steamed bun on earth. “You are so omega I could die.”
And then the cliff collapsed under the sheer weight of their chemistry.
As Hua Cheng carried his beloved back to solid ground with the unshakable confidence of a man who would suplex destiny itself for love, Xie Lian nestled against his alpha chest with a sigh so tragic, three passing sparrows fainted mid-flight.
“San Lang” Xie Lian murmured, his tone dripping with both anguish and yearning, “I fear my fragile omega ankle has been cruelly twisted during that harrowing ordeal. The agony—it is enough to make even a porcelain vase weep.”
Hua Cheng’s eye blazed with apocalyptic fury. The air around him grew so heavy with alpha dominance that three nearby boulders crumbled into dust.
“Which rock?” he snarled, muscles bulging with righteous vengeance. “Point me to the insolent pebble, Gege. I’ll tear it from the earth and fling it into the sun.”
Xie Lian let out a delicate gasp, clutching Hua Cheng’s collar with fingers soft enough to shame silk. “Oh, San Lang, your alpha devotion is too much! Do not smite the very ground that bore my weight. Instead—carry me home. My constitution is too delicate, my heart too fluttery, my soul too omega.”
At once Hua Cheng’s entire demeanour shifted—thunderclouds of rage evaporated into rainbow-hued tenderness. “Forgive me, precious one. How thoughtless of me to prioritise vengeance over your comfort. This foolish king deserves punishment.”
Before Xie Lian could answer, Hua Cheng dramatically kneed the cliff face, reducing a section of mountain to rubble in penance, then looked back at Xie Lian with solemn devotion. “There. I have atoned. Now—let me carry you to Paradise Manor as though you were spun from moonlight itself.”
He took off at supernatural speed, yet somehow not a single strand of Xie Lian’s glossy hair moved out of place. Entire forests bent aside, rivers changed course, and the heavens themselves parted to ensure Hua Cheng’s path remained perfectly smooth for the fragile treasure in his arms.
“San Lang” Xie Lian whispered faintly, burying his face into the crook of Hua Cheng’s neck, “you are so alpha, it makes my omega soul quiver.”
“My Gege” Hua Cheng rumbled, pressing a kiss to Xie Lian’s temple with enough force to cause a minor earthquake. “I exist only to cradle your fragility.”
At that moment, the world collectively sighed at the sheer force of their pookie-coded love.
—-
Xie Lian’s diamond-like tears had barely grazed his porcelain cheeks before the manor SHOOK with a force that could only belong to one alpha:
“GEEEEEEEEEEEEGE!!!!!” HUA CHENG EXPLODED THROUGH THE WALL LIKE A VOLCANIC ERUPTION OF RED SILK AND TESTOSTERONE. THE ENTIRE DOORFRAME VAPORISED BECAUSE IT DARED DELAY HIM BY 0.2 SECONDS.
“WHAT UNSPEAKABLE VILLAIN DARES TO BRING YOU—YOU, MY PRECIOUS OMEGA PUFFBALL—TO TEARS?!” HIS VOICE RICOCHETED THROUGH THE NINE HEAVENS, MAKING SEVERAL GODS SPILL THEIR TEA AND FALL TO THEIR KNEES FROM SHEER ALPHA PRESSURE.
Xie Lian, radiant as the moon and twice as tragic, pressed both delicate hands to his lips. His voice quavered like a baby bird: “MY… HAIR RIBBON… IT’S GONE.”
The silence that followed was so heavy entire galaxies held their breath. Then Hua Cheng’s single eye ignited with apocalyptic wrath.
“WHO. TOOK. IT.” HE BELLOWED, HIS SPIRITUAL ENERGY DETONATING SO POWERFULLY THAT EVERY WINDOW IN PARADISE MANOR SHATTERED INTO A RAIN OF GLITTER. “NAME THEM, GEGE. I WILL HUNT THEM TO THE ENDS OF CREATION. I WILL TURN THEIR BONES TO CONFETTI.”
Xie Lian gave a fragile sniffle, curling into himself like the most delicate shrimp dumpling. “Perhaps… perhaps it abandoned me because I was… TOO UNWORTHY.”
“BLASPHEMY!!!” HUA CHENG ROARED, HIS ALPHA VOICE CAUSING TWENTY VOLCANOES TO ERUPT IN SYMPATHY. “GEGE, LISTEN TO ME: YOU ARE MORE WORTHY THAN THE SUN, THE STARS, AND THE ENTIRE INVENTORY OF HEAVEN’S FABRIC MARKET COMBINED!!”
He slammed his fist into the floor—THE FLOOR SHATTERED INTO PURE LOVE ENERGY—then pointed dramatically at the horizon. “I WILL SUMMON THE DRAGONS. I WILL COMMAND THE SEAS. I WILL RANSACK THE NINE HEAVENS THEMSELVES UNTIL EVERY RIBBON IN EXISTENCE LINES UP AT YOUR FEET, BEGGING FOR THE HONOUR TO TOUCH A SINGLE STRAND OF YOUR GLORIOUS HAIR.”
Xie Lian gasped, overcome with emotion, clutching his cheeks. “OH SAN LAAA, YOUR DEVOTION IS TOO MUCH! YOUR ALPHA LOVE IS CRUSHING ME LIKE A BUTTERFLY UNDER A FALLING TEMPLE—AND I LOVE IT.”
“THEN LET IT CRUSH YOU, BELOVED!!!” HUA CHENG DECLARED, LIFTING HIM BRIDAL STYLE AGAIN BECAUSE HE WAS CONTRACTUALLY OBLIGATED TO DO SO EVERY TEN MINUTES. “I WILL CRAFT YOU A RIBBON WOVEN FROM THE THREADS OF STARS THEMSELVES! NO—FROM THE FABRIC OF REALITY!!”
The ground split open, flowers burst into bloom, and a nearby mountain spontaneously shaped itself into a giant heart while heavenly trumpets blared a wedding march.
At that moment, every being in the three realms understood one thing: THIS ALPHA AND OMEGA LOVE WAS INESCAPABLE.
“GEGE,” HUA CHENG BOOMED, HIS VOICE ROLLING ACROSS THE REALMS LIKE A WAR DRUM. “PREPARE YOURSELF. FOR TODAY… I SHALL ARRANGE YOUR HAIR WITH THE HOLY PRECISION OF A THOUSAND GODS.”
Xie Lian, trembling like a porcelain teacup on the verge of shattering, lifted a trembling hand to his lips. “SAN LANG… I… I’M NOT WORTHY…”
“WRONG!!!” HUA CHENG ROARED, SLAMMING HIS PALM ON THE TABLE SO HARD THE FOUNDATIONS OF PARADISE MANOR REARRANGED THEMSELVES INTO A GIANT HEART. “GEGE, YOU ARE THE ONLY BEING IN EXISTENCE WORTHY OF THIS RIBBON. THE SUN RISES ONLY TO PROVIDE LIGHT FOR YOUR HAIR. THE MOON SHINES ONLY TO GIVE IT GLOSS. THE STARS EXIST MERELY AS SPARKLES COMPARED TO YOUR LOCKS!”
The ghosts lined up outside Paradise Manor, kneeling in reverent silence, while heavenly trumpets BLARED spontaneously in the distance. Several minor gods wept openly into their sleeves, overwhelmed by the raw devotion flooding the atmosphere.
With movements so gentle that reality itself slowed to watch, Hua Cheng combed his beloved’s hair, each strand gleaming brighter than galaxies. His single eye blazed with concentration, his jaw tight with the burden of responsibility.
“FOR EIGHT HUNDRED YEARS,” he declared, each word making the heavens TREMBLE, “I TRAINED MY HANDS TO PERFECTION. I HAVE STUDIED EVERY BUN, BRAID, AND BOW. I HAVE TIED RIBBONS UNDERWATER, IN VOLCANOS, AND ON MOUNTAINTOPS STRUCK BY LIGHTNING. ALL FOR THIS MOMENT.”
“OH SAN LANG!” Xie Lian cried, his tears bursting forth like DIAMOND RAIN, showering the floor in glitter. “YOU’VE MADE ME… THE MOST BEAUTIFUL OMEGA IN THE UNIVERSE!!!”
The ribbon glowed with celestial fire as Hua Cheng tied it into the single most mathematically perfect bow in all creation. Instantly, the planets aligned, volcanoes calmed, and wars ceased across the three realms. BABIES WERE BORN WITH FULL HEADS OF LUXURIOUS HAIR OUT OF RESPECT.
Hua Cheng, shaking with emotion, pressed his forehead to Xie Lian’s. “NO, GEGE. YOU WERE ALREADY THE MOST BEAUTIFUL. THIS RIBBON IS JUST PRIVILEGED TO EXIST NEAR YOU.”
“SAN LANGGGGG!” Xie Lian wailed, flinging himself into Hua Cheng’s arms. “I CAN FEEL YOUR ALPHA DEVOTION WRAPPING AROUND ME LIKE A MILLION RIBBONS OF LOVE!”
And as they embraced, the sky cracked open, showering Paradise Manor in golden light, while every creature in existence—from celestial dragon to humble earthworm—LET OUT A COLLECTIVE SIGH OF RELIEF, FOR LOVE HAD REACHED ITS FINAL, MOST POKIEST FORM.
“San Laaa” Xie Lian whispered, his voice trembling like silk caught in the breeze, “you do so much for me. I fear I’m far too weak and useless to ever properly repay your kindness.”
“Never say such things” Hua Cheng declared, his protective instincts flaring so intensely that his spiritual energy poured from him as shimmering golden light, filling the room until even the shadows seemed to bow in reverence. “You EXIST, gege. That is more than enough payment for a thousand lifetimes of devotion.”
“But I’m just a weak omega who can’t even keep track of his own hair ribbon” Xie Lian protested, his lashes damp with tears of inadequacy. “How could I possibly deserve you?”
Without hesitation, Hua Cheng dropped to his knees before him, his powerful hands enveloping Xie Lian’s delicate ones as though holding the very soul of the universe. His gaze blazed with unshakable devotion.
“YOU are everything” he said with the solemnity of a sacred oath. “You are MY SUN, my MOON, my reason for EXISTING. Every breath you take is HOLY. Every blink of your lashes is divine. Every heartbeat you allow me to witness is a treasure beyond measure.”
To prove his point, Hua Cheng began listing every single thing Xie Lian had ever done that filled him with overwhelming love and devotion.
The list, of course, included literally everything: inhaling, exhaling, standing up, sitting down, walking, tripping, spilling tea, holding chopsticks wrong, laughing, crying, accidentally scaring small animals with his radiance, and, most importantly, existing.
Xie Lian dissolved into soft sobs, overcome by the unbearable weight of being so adored. Hua Cheng immediately caught each tear with his fingertips, reverently pressing them to his lips as though they were liquid pearls.
“See, gege?” Hua Cheng murmured, voice husky with adoration. “EVEN YOUR TEARS ARE PERFECTt.”
Then they proceeded to do the furious lovemaking that they do every five minutes cos they love each other so so much mwha.
—---
The stage went dark, the curtains fell, and the audience erupted into thunderous applause.
Backstage, Xie Lian sank so far into his seat that he might as well have merged with the floorboards. His face was redder than the crimson butterflies fluttering on stage moments earlier.
“I can’t believe this” he muttered, burying his face in his hands. “That entire… that travesty of screaming alpha-omega melodrama.”
Across from him, Hua Cheng was doubled over, absolutely howling with laughter, his shoulders shaking as tears streamed down his face. “Gege—haha—tha’—” He broke down again, clutching his stomach. “I thought I was going to die.”
“It wasn’t funny!” Xie Lian hissed, mortified beyond belief. “The entire three realms just watched some ridiculous parody where I was portrayed as some fainting omega flower while you screamed yourself hoarse about ribbons and had-had unruly muscles!”
“Gege” Hua Cheng wheezed, wiping at his eye, “you have to admit—it was accurate about how much I love you.”
Xie Lian groaned, dragging his hands down his face. “San Lang. Promise me this. If Pei Ming ever— ever —says he wants to write or direct a play about us again… slap him. Slap him immediately. Do not let him finish the sentence.”
From the corner, a smug voice called, “What’s this? Criticism of my art?”
Both turned their heads to see Pei Ming himself sauntering in, fanning himself with a programme from the play. “Honestly, Your Highness, you should be flattered. I captured the sheer essence of your pookie-coded love. Audiences are going wild. Half the female cultivators in the audience fainted during the ribbon scene.”
“Pei ming.” Xie Lian groaned, sinking even lower. “You made me say things like ‘San Lang, my omega constitution cannot handle disorder!’ IN FRONT OF EVERYONE.”
“And the furious lovemaking line at the end!” Hua Cheng added, still laughing so hard he nearly fell off his chair. “Gege, I swear, the look on your face when the actor playing me scooped you up—”
“SAN LANG!” Xie Lian snapped, covering his ears. “We are never speaking of this again!”
Pei Ming only smirked wider. “Don’t worry, Your Highness. The sequel’s already in production. Working title: The Crisis of the Missing Slipper. ”
Xie Lian looked like he might ascend again out of pure humiliation.