Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Jax, followed by Pomni, Ragatha, and Gangle, trudged across the golden dunes of a vast, open desert. Below them, deep chasms marred the rocky terrain. One wrong step, and they’d tumble over, vanishing into the endless void. 

Pomni was holding a gold-plated orb, an ancient artifact from a nearby village. They were tasked with returning it to the village elder, but Jax had better ideas. 

He suddenly stopped, causing Pomni to bump into him. 

“Huh? What’s wrong?” she asked, rubbing the bridge of her nose. 

Jax draped his arm over her shoulders, pulling her in close. “You should let me hold the orb for a bit. Give your arms a rest.” 

“Pomni, don’t!” yelled Ragatha. “You know what he’s like. The moment he gets his hands on it, he’ll toss it into the chasm.”

“What? Moi? I’d never,” grinned Jax. 

That’s exactly what he intended to do. 

Pomni shrugged off his touch. “I’m fine. Anyway, we’re almost there.”

“Can’t you just enjoy the scenery for once?” asked Ragatha. “Why do you always have to cause trouble?”

“It’s not trouble; it’s fun,” argued Jax. 

“Not to us,” glared Ragatha. 

“Come on, guys,” said Gangle timidly. She glanced between Ragatha and Jax, unsure who to address. “Do we have to argue?”

Jax rolled his eyes. Since when did he listen to Gangle? She and Ragatha needed to lighten up and have some fun. There was nothing wrong with a bit of mischief. It’s not like he was hurting anyone. 

“Jeez, someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed,” he teased, knowing it’d get a rise out of Ragatha. 

And he was right. 

“Urg, whatever, Jax. Just keep walking,” grumbled Ragatha. 

“What if I don’t wanna?”

“Then stay here. We’re not your babysitters.”

Jax pretended to pout. “That wasn’t very nice, Raggie. You hurt my feelings. Am I right, Pomni?”

“Don’t drag me into this,” said Pomni. 

All three of them were glaring at him now, giving him the attention he’d wanted from the start. 

“Hey, this wouldn’t have happened if you’d just given me the orb,” said Jax. 

“For the last time, we’re not giving you the—” Ragatha’s eyes widened. “Watch out!”

“Huh?” 

Jax hadn’t been paying attention to where he was walking. He lost his footing and slipped over the edge, tumbling into a crevice. His body hit the ground with a thud, sending waves of pain through his back. But like always, it didn’t last long. It was impossible to injure yourself in the digital realm. 

Once the dust settled, Jax realised he’d fallen into a rocky pit and would need the others’ help to get out. 

“Are you okay?” called Pomni. 

Jax could see the tip of her jester’s hat hanging over the opening, but she was too high up. The others were nowhere to be seen. 

“I’m fine,” he answered. “Could one of you toss me a rope or something?”

Pomni disappeared behind the rocky edge to regroup with the others. However, after a minute or two, she still hadn’t come back. 

“Hey! What’s taking so long!?” he shouted. 

His voice echoed off the rocky walls back to him.

“…long…”

“…long…”

“…long…”

Pomni’s head popped over the ledge. “Listen, we’re just going to return the orb first, and then we’ll get you out.”

“But what about me?” complained Jax. “I can’t just sit here doing nothing.”

“You’ll be fine. Stay put.”

Then Pomni stepped back, leaving him alone at the bottom of a forty-foot crevice.

“Come on, guys! This isn’t funny!” he yelled.

“…funny…”

“…funny…”

“…funny…”

They’d left him. They’d actually left him.

Chapter Text

“Alright, joke’s over. You got me!” yelled Jax. 

There was no answer, only the echo of his voice bouncing off the rocks. His stomach clenched at the realisation that they’d actually left him there. 

Alone and trapped. 

Why would they leave him? If it were anyone else, they'd have dropped everything to help. But not Jax. No, he wasn’t worth the bother. 

Jax paced back and forth, seething with anger. This was ridiculous. He wasn’t some pathetic loser who did as he was told; he was a man. Someone who could stand his ground. He wasn’t going to “sit tight” like they wanted him to. He’d find his own way out. 

Jax examined the rock wall, looking for stable footholds. It would be easier if he had rope or climbing gear, but he’d have to manage without. At least he was wearing gloves. 

He slipped his hand into a crescent-shaped hole and hauled himself up. It held his weight. Feeling a bit more confident, Jax slowly climbed higher, using the uneven terrain to his advantage. 

At the halfway point, Jax took a breather. It was tougher than it looked, and he wasn’t used to such strenuous activities. However, when he reached for his next handhold, a protruding rock, it came away from the wall, taking him with it. 

“Aaaaah!” 

Jax fell and hit the ground hard. But unlike last time, he landed awkwardly. His leg clipped through the textures, going outside the digital boundary. 

All the air rushed out of his lungs as pain shot up his leg. 

“[BOINK!]!” he screamed.

He looked down and saw his leg glitching. It felt like static, as if someone had dipped his foot in icy water. 

“Help!” he yelled. “Someone help!”

They were too far away. No one could hear him. 

Jax swallowed his pride and called out for the one person he knew could fix this mess. “Caine, help me! Please!” 

His own words echoed back at him.

“…please…”

“…please…”

“…please…”

Jax scrunched up his face in pain, breathing heavily. God, it hurt. Where was Caine? Why wasn’t he coming? Had... had the others told Caine to ignore him? 

No, that’s crazy talk. He was probably just busy. Caine would be here any second. 

He hoped.

Fuck. 

What did he ever do to deserve this?

Images of Ragatha, Pomni, and Gangle’s annoyed faces flashed through his mind.

That didn’t count. He was just messing around. But the more his leg throbbed, the more he thought about it. 

He remembered the disappointment in Ragatha’s eyes when she scolded him. “Why do you always have to cause trouble?” she’d said. 

It’s not like he meant to cause trouble. On the contrary, he only wanted to have fun. Did it really matter if he was the only one smiling? If they were that annoyed, then they should’ve just… ignored him. 

Oh.

This was a punishment. 

Well, fuck ‘em. If they couldn’t handle a joke, that’s on them, not him.

Another wave of pain shot up his leg. Jax groaned in agony, trying not to cry out. 

Alright, maybe he brought this on himself, but still. He honestly thought he was being funny and staying true to his character.

What exactly did they want from him? Wasn’t it better to laugh? Jax thought so. Why didn’t they?

But over the years, the laughter had died out. First with Ribbit, then with Kaufmo. They’d always joined in his chaos. Without them, he felt lost. 

Was he really the “funny one” if no one else was laughing? 

Jax closed his eyes. Pins and needles shot up his leg. It was getting worse. 

Chapter Text

Every movement was agony. Whenever Jax so much as twitched, his leg throbbed with pain. He tried to shift his position, but as soon as he lifted his ankle, an electric zap shot up to his knee. After that, he was too scared to try again, worried the pain would spread. 

He was well and truly stuck. 

Jax didn’t know how long the others would be. It could be minutes or hours. They said they’d return the orb first, then come back for him. But what if they’re delayed? Or the village is further away than they first thought? Or if his leg got worse?

None of them knew he was injured. When they left, Jax was fine, albeit annoyed. Knowing them, they’d probably take their time, treating it as a form of punishment. 

And the kicker? It was his own fault.

If he’d been paying attention to where he was walking, he wouldn’t have fallen. The same goes for his injury. If he hadn’t tried to climb out, he wouldn’t have hurt himself. 

Everything he’d done only worsened his situation. 

He was such an idiot. What was he thinking, trying to climb the rock wall without help? Even outside the Circus, he’d never attempted something like that. He should’ve known better. He should’ve…

Fuck.

The pain was becoming unbearable. He clenched his eyes shut and tried to regulate his breathing. In through the nose, out through the mouth. It’d been a technique he’d used in the real world, although for very different reasons.

His parents used to fight constantly, with arguments that would go on for days. As an only child, Jax bore the brunt of it. He’d sit in his room, under the covers, pretending everything was fine. The breathing technique helped him stay calm and in control.

‘Cause ultimately, everything boils down to control.

The Circus, the adventures—none of it was their choice. As soon as they entered the digital realm, they lost everything: their identities, their names, and, for some like Kinger, even their memories.  

All Jax wanted was his freedom, the right to decide what to do and when. That’s why he always threw himself into adventures. He could do anything to the NPCs—be cruel, funny, stupid—and they’d be fine with it. There were no repercussions. 

He simply wanted to make a choice that was his and his alone. 

So what if he wanted to throw the orb away? What difference would it make to the NPCs? They were erased the moment they left. It’s not like the orb has any real impact. 

He couldn’t understand why everyone else chose to stick to Caine’s cookie-cutter adventures when they could do just about anything within them. They could be as violent or as mean as they liked, or go all out and vent their frustrations. 

Even now, they chose to finish the adventure instead of helping him, leaving Jax on his own while they returned the orb. It was their decision, obviously, but it was one Jax didn’t understand. 

They didn’t have to like him to help him. 

Pomni had looked him in the eye, saw him trapped, and decided with Ragatha and Gangle that he wasn’t worth the hassle. That Caine’s adventure was more important. That a stupid NPC, whom they probably wouldn’t see again, was worth more than him, an actual human. 

Yeah, he might be annoying, but that’s his role, his character, who he’s meant to be in the Circus. Without it, Jax was nothing. Because the worst thing you could be in a place that preyed on vulnerabilities was vulnerable. 

And Jax refused to be treated that way. 

Like poor Kaufmo, who poured his heart into his jokes and tried to be everyone’s friend. Abstracted. Gone in an instant. Never to return. 

It happened again and again—abstraction after abstraction. It didn’t matter who they were, but all of them cared. Too much, in Jax’s opinion. 

Not him, though. Caring got you killed. He kept a careful balance between being a lovable rascal and an arsehole, but perhaps the scales had tipped. Enough for the others to downright despise him. 

Otherwise, why else would they leave him here? 

Chapter Text

The sun dipped low in the sky, the only sign that time had passed. Jax was surrounded by rocky walls and dark, billowing tunnels; trapped in every direction. If he squinted, the shadows shifted, fooling him into believing Pomni and the others had returned. But no, it was only his eyes playing tricks on him. 

The pain in his leg had dulled, but Jax knew better than to move it. He’d only make things worse, just like every other decision he’s made today. 

“…help…” 

Jax’s voice was barely audible. He’d been yelling for hours until his throat grew raw. Time and again, he called out for help—to Caine, to Pomni, to anyone who’d listen—but was met only with silence. 

Had they forgotten him? Surely they would’ve delivered the orb by now. The village couldn’t have been that far away. 

Right? 

Jax closed his eyes. Without the sun, the cold seeped into his skin, made worse by the sharp rocks he was leaning against. They pressed into his back, but Jax didn’t dare move. A bit of discomfort was better than the prospect of pain. 

With his eyes shut, Jax’s mind drifted. He thought of home, not his bedroom back at the Circus, but his actual house in the real world. By now, his parents would’ve long since given up on finding him. He’d been missing for years. 

When he vanished, he was seventeen and in his final year of school. His parents probably thought he'd run off. They’d been arguing over everything—how he dressed, how he spoke, and the people he hung around with. “Disrespectful”, they called him. 

Guess nothing changed. 

Would they miss him? Would they worry? A small part of Jax hoped they would, but the more cynical side doubted they would even lodge a police report. Aside from his friends and a couple of teachers, no one would notice his disappearance. He wasn’t well-known. 

But if his school got involved, his parents would have to search for him. He pictured his mother, anxious and pacing the streets, calling his name. “Where are you?” she’d cry. “Come home to us.” 

It was wishful thinking on his part. Their relationship was strained at best and volatile at worst. The same went for his father. He’d planned on moving out as soon as he turned eighteen. 

“Jax!” the voice yelled again. “Are you there!?”

Except, this time, it was louder. 

Jax opened his eyes and looked up. High above, on the edge of the crevice, he spotted the bright red and blue of Pomni’s jester hat. 

She’d come back! They hadn’t left him behind! 

“Down here!” yelled Jax, his voice bouncing off the rocks. 

“…here…”

“…here…”

“…here…”

“I think I heard something,” said Pomni, but she was looking in the wrong direction. 

Louder. He had to be louder. 

“Help!!” Jax yelled again, putting all his strength into his voice. 

There was a pause, then Ragatha pointed and said, “He’s down there.” 

All three of them approached the ledge, holding a bundle of rope. There was a quick discussion. Then, carefully, inch by inch, they lowered Pomni down the rock face. 

“Sorry, we’re late,” said Pomni as she propelled down. “All of these crevices look the same.”

Something panged in his chest. Jax hadn’t been abandoned; they just couldn’t find him. 

He swallowed thickly. “I-It’s fine. Whatever,” he spat. None of them needed to know how much it had affected him. 

A few feet from the ground, Pomni spun around and grinned. “See, I told you—” her words died in her throat. “What the [BOINK!] happened to you?” 

Chapter Text

Pomni dropped the last few feet onto the ground and sprinted over to Jax, worry etched across her face. “You were fine when we left. What happened!?”

Bitter anger consumed Jax. He wanted to shout, “You left me!” Then twist the metaphorical dagger by asking, “Did you really think I’d sit back and not try to escape?”, making her feel even worse.

But instead, he shoved the feeling down and grinned. “I guess I needed that rope after all.”

Pomni looked at him as if he’d grown a second head. “What did you do?”

“I can cross rock-climbing off my bucket list,” he joked.

“Jax, take this seriously!” said Pomni. “Your leg, it’s...” She moved to touch him, but hesitated.

He must’ve looked awful. Beads of sweat dotted his forehead as he struggled to ignore the pain emanating from his leg. When he fell, his avatar clipped through the textures, going outside the digital boundary. It left his body in a constant state of glitchiness, where one wrong move could see him fall out of bounds altogether.

“Why didn’t you call Caine for help?” asked Pomni.

“Oh, why didn’t I think of that?” said Jax sarcastically, as if he hadn’t been doing so for the last several hours. “Oi, Caine! Your assistance, please!”

Complete silence.

Pomni frowned. “Why isn’t he answering?”

“You tell me,” spat Jax. The pain, combined with his anger, was making him short-tempered.

“He must not hear us. I’ll climb back up and contact him from there.”

Pomni tugged on the rope, signalling Ragatha and Gangle to pull her back up. Jax watched her ascend the cliff face, disappearing over the ledge. He could tell she felt bad, as she should, but a part of him didn’t feel as vindicated as he thought he would.

They’d left him, prioritising the adventure ahead of his well-being. He should be furious, but all he felt was hollow. Jax knew he was responsible for his predicament, and that realisation weighed heavily on his mind. He could blame them as much as he liked, but it wouldn’t stop him from hating himself. 

When Pomni reached the top, he heard her call out for Caine.

“...Caine...”

“...Caine...”

“...Caine...”

No answer. Where in the world was he?

Caine sometimes vanished for days at a time, but Jax thought it was because he was brainstorming their next adventures. Now he was second-guessing himself. Maybe Caine had more on his plate than he realised. If they weren’t his top priority, then what was? 

He saw Pomni speak with the others before leaning over the edge. “I’m coming back down!” she shouted. At the bottom, Pomni reassessed his leg. “Can you put any weight on it?”

“No. I can’t move at all.”

“Alright, uh, we’ll need to come up with something else.”

Jax wasn’t sure how much longer he could keep this up. Not only did his leg ache, but his temper was nearing boiling point.

Pomni paced in circles, thinking aloud. “What if we... no, that wouldn’t work. Or we could... but we don’t have the manpower.” She was making him dizzy.

“Look, Pomni,” began Jax. The walls were starting to close in on him. The longer he stayed down there, the more likely he was to lose it. “The sun’s about to set, and it’s going to get dark. Whatever you decide to do, do it now.”

A look of determination crossed Pomni’s face. “Okay. We can make a stretcher out of rope and hoist you up, but it won’t be pretty.”

Painful is what she meant. But did Jax have any other choice?  

Chapter Text

The sun began to set, casting a golden glow over the rocky landscape. They had half an hour of daylight to get Jax out before it turned pitch black. Pomni tied the final knot on her makeshift stretcher and secured it to the rope. It was rudimentary, but as long as it held his weight, it’d do. 

Pomni dragged the stretcher over to Jax and positioned it beside his body. “Alright, Jax. You ready?” she asked.

No. He wasn’t, but he didn’t have much of a choice. Caine wasn’t answering, and there weren’t any other options left.

“Let’s get this over with,” he muttered, once again bracing himself for pain.

Pomni wrapped her arms around his waist and pulled. An intense pain, hotter than a fire poker, shot through his leg. It felt as if he was being ripped in two. Jax grimaced as he shifted his weight onto the stretcher. His leg glitched, clipping through the textures, but with Pomni’s help, he was safely secured in the rope, stopping him from falling out of bounds.

Jax took a deep breath, trying not to cry out. He didn’t want any of the girls to see him in such a vulnerable state. Pain was one thing, but showing weakness was another.

“Are you okay?” asked Pomni, watching him closely. “Do you want a breather?”

He scrunched his eyes shut. “I’m fine. Stop asking questions.”

Pomni frowned but said nothing. Maybe it was pity or guilt, but whatever it was, it got her off his back. She checked the ropes one last time before tugging on them twice. Now it was up to Ragatha and Gangle to pull him up.

“[BOINK!]” he swore under his breath. The stretcher jostled his leg, setting his nerves alight. He’d only been lifted half a foot, but he was already biting his lip, trying not to scream.

Slowly, painstakingly so, Jax was hoisted up the cliffside. Every movement was agony; a personal hell of his own making. By the halfway mark, his lips were bitten raw as tears streamed down his face.

It was too much. He wasn’t able to do it.

“Stop!” he yelled. “No more!”

The stretcher came to a halt. Twenty feet below him stood Pomni, looking confused, and twenty feet above him were Ragatha and Gangle, just as puzzled.

“What’s the hold up?!” shouted Ragatha. “Are you snagged?”

“Give me a minute!” Jax shouted back. He needed to compose himself, or he was about to do something he’d regret.

Using every bit of willpower he had left, Jax slowed his breathing; in through the nose and out through the mouth. He stared at the horizon, at the pink and orange hues of the desert skyline. The pain was still there, but the view was enough of a distraction to keep him going.

“Jax?” called Gangle. “You still with us?”

Even Gangle pitied him. Jax must truly be pathetic.

“I’m fine!” he shouted. “Just pull!”

Gangle and Ragatha exchanged a knowing glance before pulling the rope again. This time, Jax was prepared for the justling. He stared at the sunset, pushing the pain to the wayside.

Finally, after hours of being trapped alone, Jax reached the surface. He and the stretcher were pulled over the ledge onto the rocky floor. Ragatha and Gangle hurried to his side, checking him for injuries. 

“Pomni’s right. This is bad,” said Gangle.

“Your leg, Jax. It’s... it’s...” Ragatha was at a loss for words.

“I know. No need to rub it in,” he snapped. His patience was gone. The pain, combined with his fragile emotional state, nearly pushed him over the edge. 

“We weren’t—” Ragatha tried to explain, but Jax cut her off.

“Whatever. I don’t care.”

“Kinda seems you do,” muttered Gangle, louder than she meant to.

Jax glared at her. “What was that?” he asked.

“N-Nothing. I, um, I think Pomni’s calling for us,” stuttered Gangle. She grabbed Ragatha’s arm and dragged her over to the cliffside to help pull Pomni up.

The moment they turned their backs on him, Jax’s grin faded. He might have escaped the crevice, but he still needed to be carried out of the desert. His ordeal wasn’t over yet.

Chapter Text

Once Pomni climbed out of the crevice, all three girls reconvened to plan their next step. Usually, Jax would've listened in, especially since he was the subject of their conversation, but in his injured state, he didn’t have the energy. 

His lips were chapped, his throat dry, and sweat dotted his forehead—clear signs he was dehydrated. He probably should’ve asked Pomni for a drink, but he just wanted to escape the darkness. The crevice felt too much like a tomb, and as the sun set, the shadows eerily resembled ghosts, beckoning him closer.  

Jax grinned, though he wasn’t entirely sure why. Maybe he’d finally become the punchline. After years of playing the “funny one”, they were laughing; the voices were laughing.

“Jax? Hello? Can you hear us?” asked Pomni. She gently shook his shoulder.

Jax met her eyes. “Huh?”

Was she talking to him? He swore he’d heard her laugh.

Pomni frowned, deeply concerned. “Guys, I think he’s hallucinating.”

“Then we don’t have time to waste,” said Ragatha. “We need to carry him out. Now.”

“But what if—” started Gangle, but Pomni cut her off.

“It’s a risk we’re going to have to take.”

Risk? What were they talking about? Maybe Jax should’ve paid closer attention because he hadn’t heard anything about risks.

“It’s gonna be okay,” said Ragatha. “We’re going to get you to Caine.”

Caine. Why were they taking him to Caine?

Jax furrowed his brow, trying to push through the mental fog. Oh, right, Caine was the only one who could fix him. He... he should’ve known that. Why were his thoughts so slow? It felt like his body was fighting against him. 

Jax clenched his fists, trying to stay in the moment. “Hurry,” he urged, though it sounded more like a plea. It was becoming harder to mask his pain.

Pomni, Ragatha, and Gangle each grabbed a corner of the stretcher and lifted. Even though the portal was only thirty minutes away, their trek through the desert dunes was agonisingly slow. Every justle agitated his leg, and Jax had nothing to distract him from the pain.

The sun had now fully set, shrouding them in darkness. It was as if he’d never left the crevice. 

“Why did you leave me?” asked Jax.

An awkward silence fell over the group. None of them knew what to say.

Eventually, Pomni answered on their behalf, “We weren’t trying to be mean. It was just easier to return the orb without you. If we’d known you were hurt, we would’ve dropped everything to help you.”

His injury wasn’t the point. They abandoned him, choosing the adventure over his safety. Jax wasn’t going to let them talk their way out of this one.

“Why did the orb matter more than me?”

“It doesn’t,” excused Ragatha. “We just... You were...”

“I’m what, huh? Annoying? Worthless? Tell me!” spat Jax, angrily. “You think I haven’t heard you talking behind my back?”

“Jax, please,” cried Ragatha. “You’re gonna hurt yourself—"

“So what!?” yelled Jax, his temper boiling over. “You’re the ones who hurt me first!”

Jax clamped his mouth shut. He hadn’t meant to say that. The others were never supposed to find out they’d hurt his feelings. He wasn’t supposed to have feelings in the first place.

Ragatha glanced at Pomni, who shook her head. None of them knew what to do.

“Jax, we didn’t know—” started Pomni, but Jax didn’t want to hear it.

“Don’t,” he interrupted. “Just don’t.

No more excuses or fake apologies. They were pointless. Jax wasn’t their priority; the adventures were. He’d learnt this the hard way.