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There was no way he could keep doing this. This relationship was killing him slowly. The constant fights only to be followed by angry sex. His emotions on edge all the time, causing a rift between him and anyone else. It was draining but he just didn’t have it in him to stop it. The ups and downs didn’t seem to bother the older man like it did Hughie.
-
Hughie just wanted a normal day, well as normal as you could get when you’re fighting super powered assholes. One where he could just relax for once but no instead he’s stuck with him. Okay maybe he’s exaggerating but god being with Butcher got more than an hour was rough. They just sat there, in silence, staring at the fucking wall and oh my god was it driving Hughie insane. He didn’t know if he should speak up and say something or just keep his mouth shut.
That’s usually how they’re interactions went. One of them will eventually speak up and initiate something. Hughie hopes it’s an actual conversation this time and not just some mindless fuck it always devolves into.
“Are we just gonna sit around here all day or do something?” Butcher finally voiced, drawing Hughie out of his thoughts. Hughie wasn’t sure who he was talking to considering only the two of them sat together in the room.
“What do you have in mind? It’s not like we can just go to the mall and enjoy ourselves anymore.” Hughie said with a roll of his eyes. He might as well respond.
“No need to be a negative cunt Hughie, I was just trying to lighten the mood.”
“You always say that but is the mood really lightened” Hughie asked with a tilt of his head. He knew it was pointless to start an argument but he sure did want to. It gave him something to be angry about, something that made his anger feel less pointless.
Butcher didn’t even respond just scoffing before Hughie could hear more footsteps coming towards them, looked like the others were back. Hughie was thankful not to be stuck alone with the other for longer than he had to, it just led to horrible things.
They always found something to fight about, whether it would be about something Butcher said to Hughie or something Hughie ‘messed up’ during a mission. Butcher seemed to thrive in it while it just led Hughie to minor panic attacks. He couldn’t handle one today. When the others walked in he felt himself let a sigh of relief, finally someone to fill the gap between him and butcher. Even with the relief from the gap between them he still itched for Butchers attention.
Hughie needed space. He couldn’t handle being surrounded by people. Quickly he moved from his position on the couch to the place he called his room. He couldn’t stand the feelings Butcher left him reeling from. It was unfair and he didn’t care how childish he sounded.
A knock on the door distracted him from his thoughts, he found Kimiko on the other side of the door. Typing something on her phone.
‘Are you okay?’ She asked with a tilt of her head.
“Me? Oh yeah I’m fine, just tired.” Hughie replied trying to shrug it off.
Kimiko shook her head and looked at him like she knew. Knew everything that was going on inside of his head. Knew too much, like they all did. Hughie felt sick knowing how people viewed him, them.
“Seriously I’m fine, there’s nothing to be worried about.” He said stubbornly. “What’s there to even worry about? Nothings going on okay?”
He was starting to sound desperate and he hated it. Once again he was thinking about how unfair all of this is, why him? Why was he always so sensitive? Why did he care about Butcher more than he would ever get in return. The pain burned bright, unwavering.
Kimiko simply rested her hand on Hughie shoulder, what he assumed was for comfort. He wanted to scream that it wasn’t like that, that him and the older man were simply fucking and nothing more was at play. That he wasn’t feeling used and discarded after every fight, every sex filled moment they shared.
“Please just leave me alone.” Hughie pleaded. Kimiko simply nodded before she left the room.
-
It had been a couple hours since Hughies minor breakdown. He didn’t feel like leaving his room, let alone his bed. The world felt like it was crushing down around him. He had heard people knocking, trying to get his attention but he ignored it, he couldn’t handle their pitying looks or even Butchers passive aggressive behavior.
Once the sun had dipped beyond the horizon he moved to leave his room. He needed to get out of his wallowing or he’d never stop.
Not even a few steps into the hall and he sees Butcher, narrowing his eyes at him. Hughie wasn’t afraid but that look was definitely unsettling. Butcher was already walking over, causing Hughie to turn back into his room.
Door slamming behind him he left out heavy breaths. Firm knocks followed not even a few second after. Hughie was panicking.
“Hughie open up,” Butcher said just as firm as his knocks. And god was Hughie weak because he did.
“What do you want?” Hughie asked tiredly.
“What’s going on with you today?”
“Do it even matter to you? Do you really care?” Hughie said before he could think about it.
Butcher looked a bit taken aback by this and that satisfied the younger man. He wanted him to hurt just like he did, because why should only one of them be suffering?
“All you do is take from me, what more could there be left to take?” Hughie asked in a pleading tone, he was breaking.
Butcher was silent for once and Hughie was letting the silence sit.
“I’m done with this, us, butcher.” Was the last thing Hughie got out before he felt a hand cupping his face.
Butcher was looking at him with equally tired eyes that seemed to be filled with more. Longing and pain was something that was behind it all. Hughie looked back, same eyes full of his own emotions.
They gazed at each other’s eyes for a moment before butcher was kissing him. Hughie couldn’t help but fall into it. He did always love this part of their relationship. The kiss they shared filled with so much more