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Vi leaned back in her chair, propping her boots up on Caitlyn's desk. Newspaper in hand, a small smile spread across her lips. "Can you believe they finally shut down Stillwater?"
Caitlyn raised an eyebrow, half listening as she tried to focus on work. The tea in her hand slowly coming to room temperature. “Honestly? I can’t. And I’m not sure whether to be relieved or horrified. What will fill its shoes?”
“You should probably be both of those things. That place was a nightmare.”
She took a small moment to think.
“But… it shaped me, you know?” Another moment, a smile. “I remember playing cards where the deck was torn from scraps of paper,” she laughed, “we had so little paper, the cards were so small. This one woman kept thinking she won but she had such bad eyesight,” more laughter. “Her cards were nothing like what she thought she had.”
Caitlyn shook her head with a small giggle, “I’m sure it was quite the dream vacation.”
Vi chuckled along. "A vacation full of bruises and broken teeth.” She winked. “But hey, survival skills, Cupcake. Valuable life lessons."
Caitlyn laughed softly, shaking her head again. “I’m not sure I could have survived a day there.”
“Eh, it wasn’t all bad,” she said with a shrug. “I mean, sure, the food was basically poison. And the guards treated you like mud under their feet… And I got my ass handed to me more times than I can count.” She listed off, giggling at her own words. “But hey, that’s how you learn to fight. Nothing like getting tossed into a pit with someone twice your size to really speed up the training.”
Caitlyn stiffened as this caught her full attention. “Pardon?”
Vi waved a hand as though it were nothing. “Oh, it happened all the time. Some big bruiser takes one look at the new kid, figures she’ll be easy pickings. And me being me, I wasn’t exactly quiet. My mouth got me in trouble more than it helped me.” Her grin widened, not quite reaching her eyes. “First couple times, I was eating stone floors, spitting teeth. Thought they’d break me for sure. But you either get back up, or you don’t. I got back up. Again and again.”
Her face lit up momentarily, as if she just remembered something funny. “There was this one guy, huge dude, liked to rough up the newbies. Think he got off on it or something. He knocked me flat within the first week. But the second time? I laid him out. Broke his nose so bad the guards had to drag him out screaming.” She laughed, loud and bitter, as if the story were a triumph.
But Caitlyn didn’t laugh. Her knuckles whitened around the handle of her teacup, threatening to snap it off.
Vi went on, oblivious, joyful. "Thing is, when they see you won't stay down, people don't look at you like prey anymore. That was the trick.” She tapped the side of her head, eureka. “You take the beatings, you bleed, but you keep getting up. That's how you survive Stillwater."
She leaned back, crossing her arms with a satisfied smile, proud of the story she'd just told. She was feeling a little tough right now, blame her.
But across from her, Caitlyn felt her throat tighten. She could see it too vividly: Vi, her love, young and alone, bloodied and bruised. Having to drag herself upright again and again because not a soul would help her.
Her voice came out quiet, trembling despite her effort to steady it. “Vi… you were just a child.”
Vi glanced at her, brow furrowing at the tremor in her tone, confused. “Cait, it’s in the past. I lived, didn’t I? Better for it, even. Stronger.”
But Caitlyn didn’t speak. She could only stare, her chest ached with the weight of everything Vi had endured alone. Her teacup trembled as she set it down, the porcelain too fragile in her hands. She tried to look composed, but her chest ached as if every breath were pressing on a bruise.
“You speak about it as if it’s a story to laugh over,” she said softly, eyes fixed on the floor. “But all I hear is how much you suffered.”
Vi blinked, caught off guard. “Cait, it was life. You roll with the punches. You learn.” She shrugged.
But Caitlyn’s gaze lifted, her eyes glassy. “You were beaten,” she whispered, her voice breaking on the word. “Thrown against walls, bleeding! Fighting just to stay standing. And you call it life?” Her throat tightened. “You should have been safe, Vi. You should have been… anywhere else.”
Vi’s smirk faded completely. She opened her mouth to answer, but Caitlyn shook her head, pressing on as if afraid silence would collapse her resolve.
“You were young. Alone. So small. Facing people twice your size. Dealing with guards who didn’t care whether you lived or died. No one to help you. No one to protect you.” Her voice wavered, thick with emotion she couldn’t swallow down. “And it breaks me, Vi. It-” She stopped, breath hitching. “It breaks my heart that you had to endure that.”
For once in her life, Vi didn’t have a quick retort. She shifted awkwardly, glancing down at her scarred, calloused hands.
Caitlyn leaned forward, her fingers curling around Vi’s wrist with a gentleness that almost hurt. “You deserved kindness. Warmth. Someone to look after you. And instead, they left you in that place. Left you to fight alone.”
Her grip trembled, but she held on. Eyes shimmering with tears she wouldn’t let fall.
“I wish I could have been there for you.”
Vi stared at her, taken aback by the rawness in Caitlyn’s voice. When she started telling her anecdotes, she had expected Caitlyn to giggle along, maybe be a little shocked. What she didn’t expect was this sorrow that felt like it belonged to someone who’d put her there in the first place.
“Hey,” Vi said finally, voice low. She squeezed Caitlyn’s hand back, awkward, sincere. “I’m here now. You don’t need to carry the weight. I already did, hm?” Giving her a small heartfelt smile. “I got you.”
“Maybe I just can’t stand that you carried it alone.” Her voice cracked across the sentence.
Suddenly, Vi’s phone buzzed on the desk, cutting through the mood like a knife. She glanced down at the screen. “Shit, sorry, uh, I have to take this. Duty calls.”
Caitlyn bit her lip, trying to swallow the lump in her throat.
Vi gave her a soft, reassuring squeeze before standing. “We’ll continue this later, yeah? Don’t go anywhere, Cupcake.”
But as Vi stepped away, Caitlyn feared the truth. ‘Later’ was the kind of promise that might never come. Leaving Caitlyn alone with the quiet understanding that some things may just remain unspoken.
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At first, Caitlyn tried to ignore the feeling. It would come into her mind like a gust of wind, pulling storm clouds into her vicinity. She would try to busy herself with work, taking on a caseload that was almost laughable.
She tried to busy herself at home. Making meals, cleaning, finding any project she could sink her teeth into. Finding nooks and crannies of the house that have been neglected and bringing attention to them. Finishing any self-imposed assignment that had been long forgotten with her hectic routines.
She tried to keep herself busy with life. Making more plans with Jayce than they’ve had in months. Attending events of friends of friends of her parents. Any excuse to be moving. She was at the shooting range nearly every day, needing to feel the force of the rifle. Needing to feel any form of power.
But more often than not, as she would grip, and focus, and control her breathing… there came the wind, the clouds. It made itself a home in silent moments, blooming like a disgusting flower in her mind.
So she tried noise. Headphones in, music blaring as she jogged until her sore feet begged her to slow. Until her lungs heaved so violently, she would momentarily think of calling for medical assistance.
When all that didn’t work, she tried to hide it. She would smile when Vi teased her, kept her voice even when the subject of Stillwater crept casually back into conversation. Be a doting girlfriend, ever so eager to please.
But every time, every casual joke, every offhand remark Vi made about “getting her teeth kicked in” carved a little deeper into Caitlyn’s chest. One slice here, one slice there, until it had felt like her breast bone was a carved out Progress Day turkey.
Vi often laughed at it. She shrugged it off like scars were souvenirs from the fair. Like it was all just another story. But Caitlyn couldn’t.
The images haunted her. At night, lying awake beside Vi’s steady breathing. She would stare at the ceiling, unable to see anything but the child Vi had been. Bruised and bloody, standing defiant because no one else would stand for her. Caitlyn would feel tears prick at her eyes until morning came. Although, sleep, never would.
She became quieter. More withdrawn. Vi noticed, of course. She'd nudge her with a shoulder when Caitlyn sat staring too long at nothing. “You alright, cupcake?”
Caitlyn would force a smile. “Just tired.”
It was getting too much to bear.
Every moment she saw Vi’s bright and teasing smile, she would remember it was carrying years of pain beneath it. Caitlyn’s heart would twist into knots. She found herself touching Vi’s scars absentmindedly. She'd brush over her thick knuckles, the marks on her ribs. Pain pain pain. Each one a reminder of a fight Vi never should have had to endure. Caitlyn only felt grief.
Sometimes she’d excuse herself. Retreat to her office under the guise of paperwork. Then she’d… sit there. Head in her hands, struggling not to cry over a past she couldn’t change.
She hated that Vi carried it so lightly when it weighed on her so heavily. Hated that Vi thought it was something to laugh about, when Caitlyn wanted to scream.
The distance between them grew slowly. The sorrow spread throughout her body like a plague. It seeped into her every word, her every glance, until Vi began to notice the heaviness in her eyes when their gazes met.
Caitlyn was a pot of water, threatening to boil over at any moment.
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It happened late one night. The city was quiet. The streets beyond their window rested silently in the fog. Vi had fallen asleep easily. She was sprawled on her back, mouth slightly open, a soft snore rumbling in her chest. A picture of peace. Caitlyn lay beside her, rigid, her eyes burning as she stared at the ceiling. An antonym.
The weight had been pressing on her for weeks. Every word Vi had spoken about Stillwater replaying in her mind until it blurred with her own imagined horrors. It became one large conglomeration of terror. She couldn’t stop seeing it: Her Violet. Her precious, precious Violet. Her adorable face bruised, body curled up in pain.
And just like that, it became too much.
Caitlyn sat up abruptly, pressing her hand to her mouth, a feeble attempt to hold back the sob that rose in her throat. But it broke through, shaking and raw. Ripping into the silence of the night.
Vi stirred and awoke with a fright. “Cait…?” Her voice was groggy, thick with sleep. She pushed herself upright. “What’s wrong?”
Caitlyn turned toward her, and the tears she had fought so long to contain slipped free, burning trails down her cheeks. She shook her head helplessly. “I can’t-” Her voice cracked. “I can’t stop thinking about it.”
Vi frowned, reaching out instinctively, attempting to pull Caitlyn in, but she sat like stone. “Thinking about what?”
“Stillwater.” The word fell heavy. Caitlyn’s hands curled into fists in her lap. She sat stiff, trembling in place.
“The things you went through. The fights, the loneliness, the pain. You talk about it like it’s nothing, like it’s just another story. Like it might as well be the weather. But Vi…” Her chest heaved as more tears spilled. “It wasn’t nothing. It was your life. Your childhood. Stolen from you. Those monsters.” The words choked off into a whisper.
Vi froze, not knowing what to say.
Caitlyn’s voice softened, breaking under the weight of her sorrow. “I wish I could have been there.” She started. “I wish I could have stood by you, I could have stopped them. I could have taken that burden. I hate that you went through it all alone.” Her gaze lifted, desperate, shimmering with grief. “You deserved someone to protect you. You deserved me.”
For a long moment, Vi only stared, stunned by the force of Caitlyn’s confession. Then, slowly, she reached out and cupped Caitlyn’s face, rough thumb brushing away the fat tears as they rolled down porcelain cheeks.
“Cupcake,” Vi murmured, her voice gentler than Caitlyn had ever heard it. “You can’t carry what’s already gone. I survived it. I made it through.” She leaned in, pressing her forehead against Caitlyn’s. “And now I got you. That’s what matters.”
Caitlyn’s shoulders trembled, the dam of her composure shattered all around her like broken glass. She folded into Vi’s arms, burying her face in her shoulder, letting the sobs come freely at last.
Vi held her. And Caitlyn clung to her, her face buried against her shoulder, the words tumbling out before she could stop them.
“I’m sorry,” she choked, muffled and broken. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I wasn’t there. I’m sorry you went through that alone. I’m sorry…” The words repeated like a prayer, like if she said them enough, a time machine would appear in front of her.
Vi tightened her arms around her, resting her chin against Caitlyn’s hair. “Hey. Don’t.” Her voice was steady, but quiet, carrying an ache Caitlyn hadn’t heard before. “It wasn’t your fault.”
But Caitlyn shook her head, sobbing harder. “I’m sorry,” she whispered again, trembling.
Vi sighed softly, her hand smoothing circles over Caitlyn’s back. “Truth is… I wish you had been there too.”
That stilled Caitlyn’s tears for just a moment. She lifted her head, eyes swollen and red, searching Vi’s face. “You do?”
“Course I do,” Vi said, a lopsided smile tugging at her lips. “Would’ve made everything easier.” She tilted her head, her voice stripped down to something bare, real. “Hell, maybe I wouldn’t have felt so damn alone all the time.”
Caitlyn’s throat tightened again, but before more tears could come, Vi grinned, nudging her lightly. “And, you know… would’ve been nice to share a bed with a pretty girl.”
Despite herself, Caitlyn let out a wet laugh, swiping at her cheeks with the back of her hand. “Vi…” She sniffled, shaking her head as a tiny giggle escaped.
“It’s true!” Vi countered with a wink. “You’d have made prison a lot more tolerable, Cupcake.”
Caitlyn laughed again, softer this time, her tears still glistening but no longer falling. She leaned in, pressing her forehead to Vi’s, her lips curving into a fragile smile.
“You’re insufferable sometimes,” she murmured, though her voice was warm.
“You love it,” Vi teased back, pulling her close again.
Caitlyn sniffled, still tucked against Vi’s shoulder, her tears finally slowing. Vi grinned down at her, tilting her head.
“Y’know,” Vi said, “I think you would’ve been a terrible cellmate, though.”
Caitlyn pulled back just enough to raise an eyebrow at her. “Excuse me?”
“Yeah,” Vi said, smirking. “You’d complain about the mattress, lecture me about hygiene." She giggled. “You’d probably try to organize the rats into some kind of… society.”
Caitlyn let out a shocked laugh, swatting her arm. “I would not!”
“Oh, please,” Vi drawled. “You’d be handing them tiny uniforms and badges before the week was up.” She animated the motions with her hands.
Caitlyn tried to glare, but the giggle broke through again, and she had to hide her face in her hands.
Vi leaned closer, lowering her voice to a mock-serious tone. “But admit it… you’d have loved me anyway. Even in prison.”
Caitlyn peeked at her through her fingers, cheeks flushed from both crying and laughing. “You’re assuming quite a lot.”
“Come on,” Vi said, bumping her shoulder playfully. “Me, you, one crappy little bed, a nice little smattering of mold on the ceiling, dripping pipes… sparks were bound to fly.”
That did it. Caitlyn burst into laughter, her tears finally giving way to something brighter. She shook her head, wiping at her damp cheeks, her voice light again. “You’re incorrigible.”
“Big word,” Vi teased, grinning. “Bet you’d make me read books in there too.”
“I would’ve,” Caitlyn shot back, lifting her chin with mock pride. “You’d have come out with your fair share of degrees.”
Vi smirked, leaning back with her arms crossed. “Or maybe my fair share of love.” She drew out the last word, goofy goofy goofy.
“And what, would I have been your prison wife?” Caitlyn giggled along.
“What a dream come true that would have been.” A cheeky smile sat upon her face. Full cheeks, sleepy eyes.
They stayed like that, wrapped together. For the first time in a long while, Caitlyn felt the weight lift, replaced by warmth, laughter, and the quiet comfort of being together.
Vi pressed a gentle kiss to Caitlyn’s temple, and Caitlyn sighed, nuzzling closer. “I think I could get used to this,” she whispered.
Vi smirked, teasing even in the softness. “Told you. You’d love being my cellmate.”
Caitlyn roared a laugh, hiding her face in Vi’s chest.
They let the world fade away. The past, all its scars and sorrows forgotten. What mattered now wasn’t what had been lost. It was the life they would build together. The quiet stolen moments that belonged only to them.
And as they drifted toward sleep, tangled in each other’s arms, Caitlyn laid with a soft, content smile across her lips. A thought stirred in her drifting brain. What counted was the future they would forge. Together. She would make it a good one. For Vi.