Work Text:
“Jaaaames,” Sirius drawled, “Don't leave me.”
“Practice won't start itself. Got to go,” James responded, summoning his shoes from across the room and moving towards the door with them in hand. Peter followed behind James, wrapping yet another scarf around his neck as if he wasn't already wearing multiple sweaters.
“Not you too, Petey. You don't have practice. Where are you off to?” Sirius queries, jumping down from James’ bed where they had gathered to draw up a plan for the next full moon, which had quickly turned into a discussion about how they were going to pay back Snape. Remus didn't have much input to offer here since he owed his entire life to the slimy git, but Sirius had loads, and it secretly warmed Remus that the other three were looking out for him.
“Just because you don't have a love life doesn't mean I don't. Amanda must be waiting for me,” Peter explained.
“Oi! I'll have you know that tons of girls are lining up for some of me,” Sirius argued hotly.
Peter smiled in response before countering, “Oh, sure, but we all know you have as much experience as Snivellus in his first year.”
Sirius gasped in response and threw a pillow at Peter, but it hit the door as Peter walked out, locking it shut. Remus couldn't help but share Sirius’ view on them both leaving. He did not want to be left alone with Sirius. Remus was only tolerating Sirius' company for Peter and James, or so Remus told himself to sleep at night. Not that it helped much with the nightmares, which had, of course, worsened after Snape had visited him at Shrieking Shack. He made sure to remind Sirius constantly that it had been a highly unpleasant experience.
Sirius turned around and faced Remus, who was still sitting on the corner of James’ bed, and asked with a brightly lit smile, “Want to go throw dungbombs in the dungeons?”
Remus shakes his head and mutters, “No, Sirius. I have to do that Transfiguration essay. Not everyone can be the teacher's pet like you.”
Sirius' smile drops, and then he says, “I'll help you. I already did mine.”
Remus internally curses himself for wishing Sirius would leave him alone. He wonders what it would take to deter Sirius from a mission once his goal is set. His current goal and favourite pastime was to get Remus to befriend him again, properly, and not just for the sake of James and Pete. Unfortunately for Sirius, Remus would willingly walk into a cave full of bloodthirsty vampires before he would trust Sirius Black again.
Remus doesn’t answer and instead goes to grab his books, parchment, and ink, and settles down on top of his bed to begin the essay. As if summoned, Sirius follows him dutifully like a dog and settles at the foot of his bed, facing Remus and grabbing one of the books and idly flipping through it.
Remus does his best to ignore Sirius’ presence and tries to get through the essay without letting their proximity get to him, but it does. At one point, he asks Sirius to tell him the disadvantages of using the vanishing spell. Sirius finds it immediately and passes the book over to him. Remus scans the page and comes up blank, giving Sirius an unimpressed look.
Sirius leans forward to take a look at the page he’d handed over, and Remus freezes. Sirius’ hair is almost brushing Remus’ nose, and Remus intimately knows how soft it is. Before Remus’ hand comes up to touch the hair, Sirius flips the page twice before pointing to the right paragraph.
Remus mutters a weak, “Thanks,” before pulling the book closer and trying to focus on the words. But Remus is still stuck in the previous moment. No matter how insane Sirius is, Remus can’t seem to get rid of his stupid crush on him. Remus feels like a third year all over again, seeing Sirius after the summer, over which he had grown taller and infinitely more handsome.
When Remus hadn’t written a single word for a whole five minutes, Sirius grabbed the book from his hand abruptly. Remus looks up to Sirius’ grey eyes, and he’s falling again.
“I’ll read it out, and you just write, all right?” says Sirius. Remus can only nod in answer.
Remus, however, is not in his right mind to write either. When he makes the third mistake in the same sentence, Sirius drops the book onto the bed. Sirius looks confused as he asks, “Something wrong, Moony?”
“Uh, no.., you can go on,” replies Remus as convincingly as he can, which is not convincing at all.
Sirius looks skeptical but continues after saying, “If you make another mistake, I’ll hex you.”
The next mistake Remus makes is thankfully a full two minutes after he begins writing. Yet, he looks up at Sirius and cringes at the look on Sirius’ face, concern, confusion, and slight irritation all mixing into one. Sirius reaches over and hits him on the hand. When Remus doesn’t so much as flinch, Sirius sighs, “Leave the essay if you can’t focus. Let’s go to the common room, come on.”
Remus shakes his head, “No. I still have herbology to do. I’m behind because of the last moon, remember?”
“Right. Well, I’m going to bother you till you come to the common room anyhow,” Sirius adds.
All of Remus’ hopes are getting crushed. It seems Sirius won’t leave him alone or leave him in peace. Remus tries yet again to focus on the essay, but having Sirius actively bothering him makes everything ten times worse. By the time he completes two paragraphs, Sirius has David Bowie blasting from the record player and is dancing right in front of him with his shirt half unbuttoned and an imaginary guitar in his hand.
Ten minutes later, Sirius is on the bed again and dragging Remus’ hand and all but begging him to come dance with him. Remus would rather bury himself alive, but denying Sirius was never even on the table. Some hesitation later, Remus is awkwardly standing in the middle of the dorm, shaking his head to the beat while Sirius is dancing like he’s a professional. Remus is more than content just to watch Sirius dance.
Remus is watching silently until Sirius begins dancing with Remus upon noticing him standing idly. When Remus refuses to cooperate, Sirius bites him on the shoulder, hard. Remus forgot that anyone friends with Sirius is always in danger of being bitten. He revels in it for a second, a different fantasy clouding his mind, and then he’s pushing Sirius away with a protective palm over his shoulder, eyes panicked as he shouts, “Don’t bite me, Sirius. You’re not an actual dog.” Remus’ voice softens as he finishes the sentence.
Sirius dramatically frowns in mock offense before turning into the shaggy black mutt that Remus is too familiar with, and continues vibing to the song in whatever way dogs can. Remus sighs. He should have seen that coming. Remus goes to sit down on his bed again, and Padfoot follows him, wagging his tail. The sight of it melts something in Remus’ heart. His friends’ animagus forms are an overwhelming reminder of their love for him.
“Sorry, Padfoot. Didn’t mean to shout,” Remus tells the dog as he reaches out and pats his head. Padfoot settles down on the floor and does the face expression that by now they’ve all identified as Sirius’ smile. Remus knows he’s forgiven instantly, but he continues, “It’s just hard, Pads. Hard to forget what you’ve done,” Remus whispers softly, thinking of the Shrieking Shack again.
Padfoot’s mood visibly takes a turn, and Remus lifts his arms invitingly, “Come here.” Padfoot bounds onto the bed and half on Remus’ lap, nuzzling into his shoulder where Sirius bit him moments ago. Remus talks to the dog’s fur, “It’s hard because I want to forgive you, Pads. But you almost had me in Azkaban for life. I’m a monster that probably deserves it. You were the one who told me I didn’t. Then why did you?” Remus chokes. Padfoot moves forward to look at Remus’ face. Remus’ eyes well up at that. “I want to forgive you despite what you did, Pads. It makes me more of a monster. You hurt me as much as you could, and I,..., and I forgive you, Pads. I forgive you because I love you,” Remus sobs with his eyes closed.
Padfoot shifts, and suddenly Sirius is sitting in front of him, still half in his lap, with his arms wrapped sturdily around Remus, who’s shaking with sobs. Sirius whispers in Remus’ ears as his voice breaks, “I’m sorry.”
It makes Remus’ breath hitch, how much hurt and pain is in Sirius’ voice as he apologizes, even when he didn’t do anything wrong. Everyone should know there was a dangerous werewolf at Hogwarts, and it was never Sirius’ secret to keep. Yet, Sirius was apologizing like it had broken him that he had sold Remus out. Remus was the broken one, the monster. Sirius didn’t deserve that.
Sirius says it again, then, “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sor-ry.”
Remus wipes his tears that fight to keep flowing, and whispers back, “I already forgave you, Pads.”
Sirius breaks the embrace then, to look at Remus’ face, searching for any hint of a lie. Remus stays still, the weight of the moment rushing to catch up with him as he stares into storming grey eyes that are glazing with unfallen tears. Once satisfied, Sirius lets out a heavy exhale, breaking eye contact and leaning closer to rest his forehead against Remus’.
Sirius looks different, slightly scared, Remus thinks, as Sirius whispers, “I love you too.”
Remus gasps in response, only just realizing that that’s what he said through his tears. And then looks at Sirius in shock, desperately trying to comprehend what the words meant. They didn’t do this. They didn’t say I love you to each other like Sirius and James. Remus wonders if that’s how Sirius meant it, the way he says it to James. Because that is not how Remus meant it. Remus was in love with Sirius, gone for him, that’s what Remus meant.
Sirius swallows after a second when Remus doesn’t respond and then begins to move away his hands, as if just realizing that he was sitting on Remus’ lap with his arms wrapped tightly around him. Remus doesn’t let him get far. Remus wants Sirius, the Sirius that loves him. Remus is unsure of what takes over him as he brings his own hands up to Sirius’ face and pulls him into a kiss. It’s breathtaking, Remus thinks. Remus has imagined his first kiss with Sirius a thousand times, but never like this, never with their faces tear-strewn and with the weight of a betrayal pulling them down. But the kiss is so much more than he imagined. It’s perfect and wonderful, and it’s pulling him closer into the wild craziness that was Sirius. It was magnificent. As his conscious mind catches up to him, he breaks the kiss to look at Sirius in panic. What had Remus just done, not kiss Sirius Black in the middle of having a breakdown, right? Sirius doesn’t let his thoughts get farther than that, though, as he pulls Remus closer and kisses him again. Sirius was kissing him back, and it felt a thousand times better than before as they tugged at each other to get closer, to get more of each other. Remus pinches himself twice to make sure that he’s not dreaming, then kisses Sirius harder, unsure of how long he would be allowed to keep this going, and wanting to make the best of this while he had it. To be sure, what Remus had was Sirius Black, in his lap and willing to kiss him. Remus didn’t need anything else.
An hour later, Remus realized that he was allowed to keep this, not just have it momentarily. Remus was the happiest man alive as Sirius told James, who looked exhausted after practice, “James, I have a boyfriend. It’s Remus.” They hadn’t discussed titles or names yet, but it was safe to say that Remus was fine with being Sirius’s boyfriend. James shrieked in happiness, and Remus wondered what he should do to celebrate his happiness, which was definitely a thousand times more than James’ excitement.
The answer came to Remus quickly, kiss Sirius, that’s what. Neither James nor Peter could separate them that night after that thought overtook Remus.