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Asriel watched as Dess stared up at his ceiling, one leg hanging over the side of his bed and the other propped up with her hoof, one arm laid over her chest and the other reaching out to entangle his fingers in her hand. She tilted her head to the side, short strands of brown hair flopping down onto his mattress. Her gaze wandered over to him, for what seemed like a mere second, before flicking back up the ceiling. A warm smile grew across her face.
Starting to smile as well, Asriel huffed out a small laugh. “What’s up?” he asked, quirking up at eyebrow.
Immediately, Dess’s smile faded, a frown settled on her brows. “What do you mean?”
Again, Asriel laughed. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you smile like that,” he commented, earning himself another glare from Dess, which quickly morphed into another, albeit much smaller smile as he just continued to stare at her with adoration. “You’re usually so serious. What’s… on your mind?”
Dess was silent for a moment, gaze wandering back to the ceiling. “Just…” She trailed off, then let out a heavy sigh. The smile returned once more. “This is nice, y’know? I feel like- like, we don’t do this enough. Hang out.”
“What do you mean?” Asriel asked. “We see each other pretty much every day.”
“I know, I know, just- we never get to be alone like this,” she clarified. She paused again for a moment, before pushing herself up, crossing her legs and turning her full focus to Asriel. “It’s either my mom or your mom or Kris or Noelle or- y’know, just- classmates or whatever. There’s always something. I feel like… I never really get to relax around you. It’s nice.”
Asriel considered that for a moment or two. She, as always, wasn’t wrong. Sure, she’d been in his room before, but either Kris was there or Toriel had forced them to keep the door open, as silly as that sounded because what on Earth would they be doing differently if the door was closed, so… well, it was nice, to have a moment or so in private with Dess. With his best friend.
A moment that was just for them.
“Maybe we should do this more often,” Asriel said.
“We should!” Dess exclaimed, and Asriel couldn’t help but grin at the light that flooded into her eyes. “I mean, what, your mom always does choir practice this time on a Saturday, and- I mean, my mom is usually always out during the day. We need to make this a regular thing.”
Asriel certainly wasn’t going to pass up any opportunity to hang out with Dess.
“And, like, we don’t even have to do anything,” Dess continued, flopping back down onto the bed and dragging Asriel down with her. He followed her lead, his fingers still intertwined with hers, with his other arm instinctively looping around her back as she slotted into his side. “We can just… be. Y’know?”
Asriel nodded as Dess buried her head into his chest, her shoulders relaxing as she let out a breath. “Yeah. I- I think I do.” His hand moved up to her hair, gently brushing through those soft strands. “I’d… like that a lot.”
“Uh… Dess?”
Dess didn’t entirely stop, though did slow down just a little, turning her head to glance back at Asriel. “Hm?”
“This isn’t the way back to class?” he questioned, gesturing for her to follow him the other way. They were already running late, since they’d lost track of time during their lunch break, the hallways now almost completely empty, save for the last few stragglers rushing through their classroom doors.
Dess, however, seemed to have her focus locked on the exit. “Sure isn’t,” she said. She grabbed Asriel’s hand, and started to walk faster again, dragging him along. “C’mon, we gotta hurry before someone catches us.”
“Before someone-” Asriel gasped, shaking his head. “Dess, I’m not skipping class with you.”
Dess turned to face him again, pouting. “Why not?”
“Because-!” Asriel hesitated for a moment, searching for an excuse. Because, realistically, he did want to. Any moment spent with Dess was a moment he would fight for. But… “My- I think my mom would actually kill me if she found out, y’know.”
Dess rolled her eyes. “She won’t find out. We’re not gonna get caught.”
“She will find out!” Asriel argued. They’d already made it out of the school by that point. He wasn’t even trying to resist Dess’s pull. “She teaches here, Dess-”
“Alright, so- Fine. If we get caught, I’ll just take the blame. You’re the star student, it’s not like you’ll be in any trouble if I take the fall for it.”
“You know your mom would kill you too.”
Dess let out a short, sharp laugh. “I can handle her, don’t you worry about that.”
Asriel sighed. “I don’t want you getting in trouble either, Dess.”
“I keep telling you, we’re not going to get caught.” Asriel stared at her, and she stared back. After a moment, she rolled her eyes. “C’mon, Azzy, you never want to do anything fun. Please?”
Dess had always been hard to resist.
“Pretty please? With a cherry on top?”
“…okay. Fine.”
That was how the two ended up deep in the forests surrounding their hometown, sitting by the trunk of a tree with Dess’s head on Asriel’s shoulder, a gentle autumn breeze brushing past them. He wrapped an arm around his leg, looking out across the forest in front of him, watching orange leaves dance in the wind and squirrels skutter across the ground and up the bark.
It was peaceful. Quiet, with only the sounds of wind and Dess’s gentle humming to fill the empty air. Out here, when it was just them, Asriel could almost find it in himself to forget everything else. To banish all of his worries, all the pressure he felt, any fear that may gnaw at his stomach.
Here, it could simply be him and Dess. The world around them could fade away.
Dess furiously scribbled into her notebook as she saw besides him - or, well, with how close she’d shuffled up to him by now, she basically sat in his lap. Not that he was complaining. He peered over her shoulder, squinting as he read over new lines, humming to himself in thought.
Her pen paused above the page, before she could finish the next line. She leaned away a little, turning her head to look up at Asriel. “What do you think?”
Asriel was silent for a moment, reading the words over again. “It’s… good.”
Dess frowned. “Good?”
“Y-Yeah.” Asriel gave her a small smile. “It’s really good.”
“Really good?” she repeated, her voice flat.
Asriel sighed. “Just- it’s a little dark, don’t you think?”
“Well, yeah!” Dess exclaimed, rolling her eyes. “It’s meant to be dark. It’s meant to evoke emotion, to- to mean something. Spread a message. You don’t see any of the great punk rockers writing about happy things, do you?”
Asriel slowly nodded. “Well… in that case, it’s brilliant.”
To that, Dess beamed. “Thank you!” She scribbled down another line or two, before sighing and putting her notebook to the side, leaning back on Asriel’s shoulder. “We should start a band,” she said. “I could play guitar, Kris would play piano, Noelle could sing, maybe we could get Catty or Bratty to play bass, you could…” She paused. “I don’t know, do a little dance on stage maybe?”
“Hey!” Asriel pouted in feign annoyance. “I could be in the band! I’m sure I could- I don’t know, learn guitar as well or something-”
Dess barked out a laugh. “Absolutely not!” Last time you got your hands on my guitar, you literally made my ears bleed.”
“It wasn’t that bad!”
“No way in hell I’m letting you near my guitar again.”
“Alright, well-” He thought for a moment. “Maybe I could be on drums?”
Dess tilted her head, thinking about that as well. “That could work,” she said, before smirking. “You’d have to loosen up a little, though. Can’t be afraid of hurting the drum by hitting it too hard.”
Asriel laughed. “Yeah, no, that’s- fair, actually.”
They fell silent for a moment, as Asriel wormed his arm around Dess’s shoulder, tugging her closer to his side. She leaned in without a second thought, relaxing against him.
“I reckon you’ll make it someday,” Asriel said, his voice a little quieter, softer. Genuine. “I mean, if you keep writing and playing the way you are now, you’ll have thousands of people at the door wanting to hear your songs.”
Dess smiled, small and… a little sad. “Maybe I will,” she said. “If I can… get out of this town, that is.”
“We could get out together,” Asriel decided. “Move to the city, chase our dreams. I- I know you don’t want to go to college, but I do, so- maybe we could get an apartment together somewhere. I can study, and you can go play all the bars at night. I’d be right at the front of the dance floor, cheering along.”
Dess hummed. “That would be nice,” she said. “One day.”
“One day,” Asriel agreed.
They fell silent once more, content to simply enjoy one another’s presence, as the sun slowly began to set over the horizon. His mom was definitely wondering where on Earth he’d gotten to, but- but Asriel couldn’t find it in himself to care. So long as he was with Dess, everything seemed alright.
Before he could convince himself otherwise, he twisted his head around to plant a quick kiss against Dess’s hair. Neither commented, though Asriel could see the gentle blush that spread across her cheeks, and the bright smile that crept onto her face.
She leant in a little closer, and allowed herself to forget the world.
Music blared from the speaker in the corner of Dess’s room, playing some new album that Asriel hadn’t heard before, though by a band he at least recognised the name of from Dess’s ramblings. It was good. A little chaotic, to be truthful, but Asriel at least found himself nodding along to the beat, tapping his foot on the ground.
Dess, naturally, was a lot more into it. She jumped up and down in the middle of the room, banging her head and waving her arms, yelling the lyrics from deep in her stomach. Asriel couldn’t help but smile as he watched her, a warm feeling blossoming in his chest at seeing how happy she was. Seeing her be herself.
He’d never really realised how pretty she was.
Freckles across her cheeks, her face flushed from moving so erratically, her hair (now sporting a red streak) a complete mess but somehow still perfect in every way. Deep brown eyes, wide and beautiful, drawing him ever closer.
The song faded to an end, and Dess laughed, letting out a small, “Whoop!” As the next song started, she smirked, reaching out a hand towards him.
Asriel stared at it for a moment, before letting out a nervous chuckle. “I, uh-”
“C’mon, Azzy!” Dess practically begged. “Dance with me!”
For better or for worse, Asriel still could never resist Dess.
He took her hand, and allowed her to drag him closer, trying his best to go along with her movements. She guided him to jump, and spun them both around, bouncing around the room in sync to the heavy beat.
Asriel found himself having fun. So much fun.
He didn’t understand why Dess had such an effect on him.
They continued like that for a good few songs, Asriel finding himself loosening up more and more, finding that he didn’t care at all what Dess thought of him. He could be as clumsy or silly as he wanted and Dess would still smile, still allow him to dance with her.
The moment was broken as they heard the front door click open, and Dess rushed to turn the music off, muttering, “Shit,” under her breath.
She dragged Asriel over towards her bed, sitting him down on the floor and pulling a bunch of papers out from underneath, just in time for her bedroom door to open, revealing her… very annoyed looking mom.
Carol looked between them, her eyes narrowed, cold. “You didn’t tell me that Asriel was coming around.”
Dess stared at her, eyes wide. “I didn’t realise I was supposed to,” she said, her voice surprisingly calm and level for someone who, Asriel couldn’t help but notice, looked so scared.
“You know I don’t like having uninvited guests in my house.”
“He’s not an ‘uninvited guest’. I invited him.”
“Well.” Carol let out a heavy sigh, looking around the room in… almost disgust. “What are you two doing, anyway?”
“He’s helping me with my homework,” Dess lied, gesturing to the papers in front of her. “Aren’t you, Azzy?”
“Oh, uh-” Asriel nodded, giving Carol the politest smile he could manage, even if all he really wanted to do was yell at her, for how clearly uncomfortable she was making Dess. “Yes. She mentioned the other day that she was struggling a little, so I offered to help go through things.”
“He’s very smart,” Dess added. “He’ll be going to college, y’know.”
“…right.” Carol folded her arms over her chest, glaring at Dess for a moment, as though warning her against something. “Well. I’ll leave you kids to it, I guess.” She stepped away from the door, then paused again for a moment. “Keep the music down, won’t you? Don’t you think I couldn’t hear it when I came in. It’ll only distract you.”
“Okay. Sorry.”
“You really need to stop listening to such… vulgar things. I’m sure Asriel doesn’t want to be hearing that sort of language.”
“I’m sorry, Mom.”
“Right.” She took another few steps down the hallway, before stopping again, and calling back, “And keep the door open!”
“Okay, whatever!” As soon as Carol was out of earshot, Dess groaned, throwing her head back against her bedframe. “She always ruins things,” she muttered, her eyes slipping shut.
Asriel was quiet for a moment, racking his brain on what on Earth he was supposed to say. How to comfort his friend.
Eventually, he just reached out to take her hand once more, gently rubbing over the back of her hand with his thumb.
Slowly, she started to smile again. “Sorry,” she said, “about her. She, um…”
“It’s alright,” Asriel interrupted, allowing Dess to slot herself back into his side, her head taking its usual place on his shoulder. “I know what she’s like.”
“I really thought that she’d be out all day today.”
“I know,” he said. “I- I don’t mind if she’s here, you know. I just like being with you.”
Dess huffed. “I… I guess.”
Silence for a moment. A small frown settled on Asriel’s face. “Are you okay?” he asked, softly.
Dess was still for a moment, her smile faded once more, before she slowly nodded. “I’m fine,” she promised. “It’s… better with you here, at least. Thank you.”
“You don’t need to thank me,” Asriel said, offering her a warm smile, which she thankfully returned. “I just… I want you to be okay. That’s all.”
Dess hummed, twisting her fingers further into Asriel’s palm, holding his hand so, so tight, as though she was scared to let go. They sat in silence for a few moments, Asriel listening to the beat of Dess’s heart, steadily slowing to calm rhythm.
“Do you… actually need help with the homework, by the way?” Asriel asked. “Because I don’t mind helping. If you need it.”
“I don’t,” Dess said, a little too quickly. After a moment, she added, “W-Well, I- I do, probably, but-”
Asriel chuckled. “C’mon,” he said, sitting up and reaching to drag the papers closer. “Ask me whatever questions you like.”
Dess groaned again, but this time, there was a fondness behind it. “I can’t believe you’re making me do school work on a Saturday. Unbelievable.”
“Hey, sooner we get started, the sooner we can get this over with.”
“Fine, fine.” Dess paused for a moment, biting her lip as she looked over the worksheet. “Uh. Honestly, I don’t know what any of this means.”
Asriel laughed, lightheartedly. Dess playfully shoved him. “Alright, alright. We’ll go from the top, then?”
Dess sighed, still smiling. “If you insist.”
Dess pushed Asriel against his bedroom wall, her hands wandering down to his waists, locking his lips firmly with hers.
It wasn’t the first time that they’d kissed. It… wasn’t something that they ever spoke about, not really, but it wasn’t rare for Dess to great him with a peck on the lips when they were meeting alone, or for Asriel to pull Dess up into his lap and give her some much needed attention late at night.
What was nice, was that it didn’t have to mean anything. It was just a bit of fun. A way to show their appreciation, their adoration for one another.
December Holiday was Asriel Dreemurr’s best friend. Everyone knew that. There was not a single moment that they’d want to spend apart.
And sometimes, those moments included a kiss or two. And that was okay.
Why Dess had decided to do so now was beyond Asriel, though he certainly wasn’t going to complain.
He could still hear the quiet chatter of their parents downstairs following dinner, and, very faintly, Noelle screaming at whatever prank Kris had inevitably decided to pull on her. Soft music drifted down the hallway, a far different vibe to the sounds he and Dess had grown accustomed to listening to during these sorts of activities. Asriel found that, even with the intrusions from their respective families, even with his heart pounding in his chest at the idea of being caught, he still very much enjoyed the intimacy he and Dess now shared.
He kissed back, his lips instinctively moving against Dess’s. They were soft, tasting faintly of the strawberry gloss she’d started wearing. Asriel found his hands reaching around her, pressing against her back, pulling her in closer still. He couldn’t help but smile into her.
After a minute or two, Dess leaned back, that ever so cute blush forming across her cheeks, mouth wide in perhaps the biggest grin Asriel had seen. She breathed in and out a few times, trying to catch her breath. “I’ve been wanting to do that all night, you know.”
Asriel giggled. “Oh, I know. I could see the way you were looking at me over the table.”
Dess blinked. “I wasn’t that obvious, was I?” Her shoulders seemed to stiffen.
“Only to me,” Asriel assured her. “If it’s any consultation, I’ve… been wanting this as well.”
Dess relaxed at that. She pulled Asriel into another, shorter kiss, before moving back again and dragging him over to the bed. They sat down, with Asriel pulling Dess into her usual position on his lap, his hand moving to the back of her head whilst hers moved to cup his cheek, drawing him into another, deeper kiss.
“You’re not - worried that - our parents - will see us?” Asriel asked, between kisses.
Dess smirked, peppering a few more kisses across his cheeks, before leaning back again. “Nah,” she said. “They’re far too occupied gossiping with each other now.”
“But-”
“Why would it matter, anyway?” Dess asked. “It’s not like we’re actually dating. There’s nothing for them to get pissy about.”
“R-Right. Of course.” A small frown settled on Asriel’s face, as Dess drew him back in. A thought, circling around his mind. A thought that had… maybe always been there, at least for a while, that now seemed to grow bigger and bigger, louder and louder until everything else drowned out.
When Dess noticed he wasn’t kissing back this time, she leant back, looking at him with concern. “What’s wrong?”
“N-Nothing,” Asriel said, far too quickly. He plastered on a smile. “I’m fine.”
Dess furrowed her brows. “You’re a shit liar, Azzy. C’mon, spill.”
“Just…” He sighed, his shoulders dropping. “What are we?”
Dess blinked. “What… do you mean?”
“I mean- We do this all the time now,” he tried to explain. “I like you more than anyone else in the whole world. But- But we’re not dating? What else would this be?”
“We’re friends,” Dess said, as if that answered everything. “Best friends.”
“Yes, I- I know that,” Asriel said. “But…”
Silence for a moment. Dess let out a heavy sigh, moving off of Asriel’s lap to instead lean against the wall. She reached out to take his hand. Asriel allowed his fingers to lock with her, holding her tight.
“I… I don’t know,” she said, quietly. “I like you as well, obviously. Just… We can be best friends and still kiss and cuddle and all of that. I guess I just don’t want to put a label on it. Does that make sense?”
“Not… really, no.”
“Right.” Her head fell back against the wall with a quiet thud, eyes slipping shut. “I’m… scared, I guess. That- That if we do put a label on it, that if you’re my boyfriend and- and then something happens, like- like, we break up or something, then you won’t be my friend anymore. I can’t lose you like that.”
Asriel didn’t respond, simply allowing those words to sync it. Unfortunately, it… did make sense. As much as he wanted Dess like that, realistically it would only complicate things. At least if they kept things like they were, then if one day they decided kissing was off the table again, they could still be together.
They were just having fun. It didn’t have to mean anything. Not yet, at least.
“Maybe one day,” Dess said, squeezing his hand. She opened her eyes again, looking at him with an almost sad smile. “I’m just… not ready yet.”
“I… understand, I think,” Asriel said, slowly. “And that’s okay. We can- take it slow, if that’s what you want.”
Dess’s smile warmed right up at that. “Thank you,” she said. Another pause, before her gaze flicked back to his lips. “Can I kiss you again?”
“Absolutely.”
“Do you ever think about disappearing?” Dess asked.
Sat across the table from him, Asriel looked up to see Dess staring out of the window, head propped up on her hand, her eyes a million miles away. When he didn’t immediately respond, her gaze flicked back to him, before moving down to the table. She took in a deep breath, and slowly exhaled.
“In what sense?” Asriel asked, after a moment, looking at her with quiet concern.
She was still for a moment, silent, before shrugging. “Just- I mean, do you ever think about, like- hopping on the next bus out of town and never looking back. Changing your name, dyeing your hair, leaving- leaving everyone behind.”
“…no,” Asriel answered. “That’s not something I’ve ever thought about.”
“…ah.” Dess bit the inside of her cheek, her gaze still so, so far away, before she seemed to snap herself back to reality, giving Asriel a grin. “Ignore me. I, uh- I don’t think about that either.”
Asriel frowned. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine,” Dess snapped, seemingly a little harsher than she’d expected. She looked away again. “I’m… fine.”
The two fell quiet again. The chatter of the diner surrounded them, making their silence seem much less awkward than it should probably be. A nice, upbeat song played on the jukebox. Under any other circumstances, Asriel would’ve been nodding along to the beat, and he was certain Dess would be swaying as well.
Instead, she sat perfectly, eerily still.
“You can talk to me, y’know,” Asriel said, his voice soft, “about anything.”
Another pause, and then a heavy sigh. “I wouldn’t… actually do it,” Dess said, her brows furrowed. “I- I don’t think, anyway. It’s not that I want to disappear.” She swallowed, then looked back at Asriel. “Certainly wouldn’t want to live a life without you, in any case.”
“I wouldn’t want a life with you gone, either,” Asriel said.
Dess didn’t respond. She slumped back against the booth, gaze wandering back out the window. Watching raindrops patter against the glass, slowly slide down before disappearing into nothing.
“What’s… got you thinking about this, anyway?” Asriel asked, his concern only growing deeper.
“I… had a fight, with my mom last night,” Dess finally explained. She paused again for a moment, leaning down against the table, chin propped up on folded arms. “It was a stupid fight. I don’t- I don’t even remember how it started. Guess I fucked up somehow, and-” Another heavy sigh. “I don’t know. Sometimes I just- I just think it would be easier if I wasn’t here. You know?”
Again, Asriel didn’t respond immediately, allowing those words to sync in. In all fairness, that… wasn’t exactly surprising to hear. He knew how Dess’s mom was, he knew how she was with Dess, and… well, he definitely knew how Dess was. What he didn’t know, was how to fix that.
He supposed it wasn’t really on him. He just- He wished there was something he could do.
“We’ll get out of here, one day,” he promised. Maybe it was false, because that too was a mere dream, but- but it was something. At the very least, it made the edges of Dess’s lips tip up, into almost a smile. The tiniest hints of light returned to her eyes. “Me and you. We’ll take on the world together.”
Dess nodded. “Y-Yeah. We will.” She pushed herself back up, meeting Asriel’s eyes. “Apartment in the city. You study, I sing. Remember?”
Asriel laughed. “Yeah, exactly! We’ll make it, together.”
“Together,” Dess repeated. “That’ll- That’ll be nice.”
He reached across the table to take her hand, and- and everything felt right. Dess wasn’t going anywhere. They were going to stay together, no matter what.
Asriel sat on the edges of town, alone with his thoughts and his phone. His fingers hovered over her number, his hand shaking.
She wouldn’t answer, if he tried to call. He’d tried enough times already. Once on Monday evening, ten times throughout Tuesday, twenty times on Wednesday, and now another ten times today. She hadn’t responded to any of his texts, probably hadn’t listened to any of his voicemails, he-
He was scared. He was so scared.
His fingers pressed down on her number, and he brought his phone up to his ear.
One ring.
Two rings.
Three rings.
Four.
Five.
Six…
His hand fell to his lap. He tried his best to suppress a sob.
Five days now. Five days since he had seen December Holiday.
When she hadn’t shown up to school on Monday morning, he… hadn’t really questioned it. It certainly wasn’t rare for Dess to skip class, though she- usually, she at least told Asriel her plans, gave him the option of coming along. But maybe she was ill, or just having a bad day, or- or something.
But no. He hadn’t been able to find her after school, and then she still wasn’t there the day after, and wouldn’t answer his calls, and…
And it finally dawned on Asriel Dreemurr that his best friend was gone.
It was what she had wanted, wasn’t it? To disappear. To- To move on.
He just… He didn’t think it would happen like this.
The last message she’d sent him, at 11:34pm on Sunday night, simply read, ‘i love you. i’ll see you soon’.
But if she loved him, why would she just…
Asriel allowed a tear to fall down his cheek. He didn’t bother to wipe it away.
He was in love with December Holiday. It- Why it had taken him until now to truly realise, he didn’t know, he didn’t understand.
They still had so much to do. So much to talk about, so much to see, so much…
He hadn’t even got to kiss her, before she went.
She hadn’t even said goodbye.
Rain began to fall on his shoulders. His hands shaking, he typed out one last message to her. Maybe it was too late now, maybe- maybe if he’d just been brave enough to fight for her, things would’ve turned out different.
But he at least needed to say it.
‘I love you too.’