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Change.
A simple concept; to make a difference in something or someone.
Though, this proved to be less simple in practice. Trying to change yourself, become someone new and leave behind who you were. The world preaches for change, until you genuinely try to - then they only see you for the parts you wanted to leave behind.
And that’s the exact predicament Akiyama Mizuki found herself in.
It was her first year of high school, a new chance to make friends as her authentic self! Or so she thought…
She should’ve known better than to trust that people would be more mature here. Should’ve known better than to think she had a chance to be perceived as normal. But word spreads fast, apparently. By the first week, news of her “secret” had spread all the way up to the third years.
Wearing a uniform that didn’t feel right for her. A tie that felt suffocating every time she’d tighten it. It was just like middle school all over again, and she’d have to endure this for years by herself.
Or perhaps not..?
By some miracle, Mizuki had made friends with a classmate of hers, Shiraishi An. This girl didn’t seem bothered at all about the rumors. As if she refused to acknowledge them.
An was… loud. She was nice, but she had way too much energy for homeroom at 8am. She yammered on about some event she wanted to surpass, “RAD WEEKEND”... if Mizuki recalled correctly. Mizuki didn’t exactly know what the girl was getting at with the word “surpass”, but she decided she’d indulge, encourage. She knew what it was like to have your dreams discouraged, so it seemed right to give her new friend a push in the right direction.
“Hey, Mizuki?”
“Yea?”
“Do you actually like having a tie?”
Mizuki blinked, “What?”
An sat up, pointing at Mizuki’s tie, “Do you actually like wearing that? I constantly see you tugging at it, like it’s strangling you or something.”
Mizuki shifted uncomfortably, An was right, she hated wearing it. But the school wouldn’t let Mizuki have one of the girl’s bows, even though they allowed her to wear a skirt? - Well, they didn’t let her purchase the skirt, but when she decided to make one herself, they allowed her to wear it. It made no sense, but Mizuki wasn’t quite able to replicate the school’s bows yet.
“No, I hate it, really. But for some reason they won’t let me buy the female uniform, so...”
“Wanna swap then?”
“Eh— what?” Mizuki blinked.
An rested her chin in her hand, “Well, you don’t like your tie, and my bow feels too flashy for me! So if we swap, we both win, hm?”
“I— I guess…” Mizuki stammered, “What if we get in trouble?”
An scoffed, “We won’t. And if we do, they can speak to me. There’s no specific rule that states students can’t swap uniforms.”
Mizuki mumbled a “thank you.” under her breath, holding back tears.
-
It was now three weeks into Mizuki’s first year of high school. And a week and a half since An gave Mizuki her bow. It was liberating in a way. Of course everybody still whispered about Mizuki, but she felt just a little prouder.
Mizuki was walking the hallways to her classroom, trying to keep herself small as she walked, so that she wouldn’t be noticed.
Caught up in trying to not be perceived, Mizuki wasn’t paying enough attention to where exactly she was going; causing her to walk right into another person. Mizuki stepped back slightly, already clasping her hands together, “I—I’m so sorry! I wasn’t watching where I was going!”
Said person turned to her, he looked to be older, even if he was a tad shorter than Mizuki herself. He had short, curly purple hair, and similarly purple eyes that faded to blues. “It’s okay.” he answered, “I should’ve been more observant myself.”
The boy shuffled a bit, “I’m Asahina Mafuyu; a second year. You are?”
“A— Akiyama Mizuki! I’m a first year…” the girl perked up.
Mafuyu tilted his head, as if questioning something, he brought a hand up to his face, “Akiyama, hm? I recognise the name.”
Mizuki sighed - just another person to make fun of her. “Yes.You’ve probably heard those rumours about me.”
Mafuyu shook his head, “No, the rumours said you were a boy. Are you sure they’re about you?”
Mizuki’s eyes widened, she hadn’t expected Mafuyu to say that. “They are about me.” she muttered, “Did you not hear the part about me ‘pretending’ to be a girl?”
“Apologies… I didn’t exactly realise. You don’t look like you're pretending.”
The pinkette sighed, “Because I’m not. All those bigots just say I am because they can’t comprehend that I’ve changed. They just see who I used to be.”
Mizuki leaned against the wall, arms crossed. Mafuyu bit his lip before speaking. “I can understand that.”
“Yeah, sure you can.” Mizuki scoffed, rolling her eyes.
“Back at my old school, I was a model student. Straight A’s, perfect attendance, I stayed after class, I was in the archery club, a lot of my classmates, and even some seniors looked up to me.”
“So you’re just showing off now?”
Mafuyu put his hand up, “Let me finish.”
“I started to slip a bit. Getting a few B’s and A-’s. Nothing bad for an average student, but to me it was like the end of the world. Everybody began to believe I was lazy, not putting in effort. When really I was struggling.”
“So what? You’re a burnt out gifted kid and suddenly you know what my life is like?” Mizuki rolled her eyes.
“No. I transferred from Miyajou.”
“Sure dude, that’s a girls academy.”
“Exactly.”
Then it clicked in Mizuki’s head, her eyes widened. “Wait you’re—?”
Mafuyu nodded. “That’s why I came here. I wanted to express myself better. But I’ve been recognised by some girls who also transferred, and now everyone sees me as the ‘good girl honor student’ who turned lazy. They act like I can’t hear them talking about me behind my back.”
Oh shit.
Mizuki thought, he really DOES get me. God, he probably hates me now, I was so rude!
“I’m sorry…” Mizuki said, “I didn’t know. But I should’ve known better than to make such a brash judgement.”
Mafuyu hummed, “I accept your apology. This just means you’ve learned two lessons today.”
“Two…?”
“Yes, two. Don’t judge a book by its cover, and watch where you’re going.”
The bell rang out through the halls, signalling everybody to get to their classes.
“Right. Uh— we should get going then. I’ll see you around, Asahina.”
Mafuyu nodded, “See you around, Akiyama.”
-
Over the next few weeks, Mizuki and Mafuyu grew closer. Mafuyu wasn’t one for facial expression, he usually had a blank face. Despite that, Mizuki eventually learned how to tell what he was feeling just based on demeanor. Who knew body language was so important!
One thing Mizuki couldn’t quite grasp about Mafuyu though, was that he was constantly faking around others. When he wasn’t with Mizuki, he was smiling and acting how others would deem “normal”. Mizuki thought she understood, she used to pretend she was somebody else, but Mafuyu was stuck in the middle, trying to express himself and hide who he was simultaneously. It was confusing how one person had the patience and energy for all of that.
“Mafuyu?” she asked.
“Hm?”
“How come you’re always pretending? Doesn’t it get tiring?”
“It’s exhausting. But my mom said I could only attend this school if I kept my grades up. I don’t want to start problems with other students too. Keeping up appearances with people is the only way I know to keep the peace.”
“It’s not like you’d cause trouble! You’re pretty quiet, you keep to yourself a lot, y’know?”
Mafuyu shook his head, “You’re right, but people seem to freak out when they see a mostly expressionless teenager. I never wanted people to worry about me, and now it feels like if I let my mask drop, it’ll be worse.”
Mizuki felt her heart clench, Mafuyu still felt like he couldn’t entirely be himself… she wanted to help him so badly! But what could she do realistically? She didn’t know. So instead she just hugged him, cradling his head.
“I’ll help you to be able to express yourself properly one day, I promise.”
Mafuyu nodded, a silent “thank you.”
-
It had been a few months by now. Mizuki had made some new friends, even reuniting with an old friend from middle school. Mafuyu wasn’t jumping to make friends, but he wasn’t against at least becoming friendly with Mizuki’s friends, who luckily accepted him.
.
Mafuyu… Mizuki smiled fondly, falling backwards into her bed with her phone clutched to her chest. Over time, Mizuki had developed a big crush on the boy. Though she’d never admit it out loud.
Mizuki thought she was pretty good at reading Mafuyu, but when it came to trying to tell if he liked her back? Completely hopeless.
Mizuki knew he enjoyed physical affection, but rarely initiated it. Mizuki was spending a lot of her free time trying to figure out how to tell if Mafuyu liked her, but it was really difficult. She knew sooner or later her bottled up feelings would become too much for her and she’d have to bite the bullet, but she didn’t want Mafuyu to feel awkward around her if he didn’t feel the same!
The pinkette sighed, turning over and opening her phone, flicking to An’s contact before pressing on the video call icon.
“Mizuki?”
“An~ hey! Can I ask you somethin’?”
An shifted, “I think you’ll ask anyways, so yea go ahead.”
“Okay, so basically I have a crush on Mafuyu and I don’t know how to tell if he likes me back. I know you’ve got a girlfriend so I was wondering if you could help?”
An’s eyes widened, “Woah, okay. That was a lot at once. So you like Asahina, and you want me to tell you what to do?”
Mizuki nodded, “Yea pretty much.”
“Look, ‘Zuki. I don’t know what you want me to say. I love ya, but everybody is different. I don’t know how Asahina feels about you or how he expresses his feelings for you. All the advice I got is for you to go and tell him how you feel.”
Mizuki opened her mouth to speak, then closed it again, then opened it again, “Just… tell him? Really?”
“Yeah, girl. He’s a straightforward guy, you’ll probably have an easier time than trying to pick up clues like some kinda detective.”
Mizuki sighed, “Right, right. Yeah. Okay… thanks An. I’ll try.”
“Wait, you're gonna tell him today?!”
“What? No!” Mizuki flushed, “We’re hanging out tomorrow, so I’ll do it then… maybe.”
An just laughed, “Okay, girl. Good luck.”
The two finished up their conversation and hung up after saying their goodbyes.
-
Welp. There’s no going back here. Mizuki said she’d do it today, and she did not like going back on her word.
She and Mafuyu were sitting in a grassy field, chatting about whatever came to mind. It was calming, natural to them.
“Hey, Mafuyu, do you mind if we talk about something?” Mizuki’s voice trembled slightly.
Mafuyu nodded, “Everything okay?”
“Yeah, things are fine.” She cleared her throat, shifting nervously.
“Mafuyu. You’re one of my closest friends. One of my first. I’ll always be grateful for that, and for you. Recently, I’ve noticed… a change— in how I feel. A positive change, that is. I like you a lot. If you… don’t feel the same, that’s okay. But this is really eating me up so I’m gonna say it.” Mizuki exhaled, then took a breath in.
“Mafuyu, I’m in love with you.”
Mafuyu gasped a little, his eyes widening slightly. “You are..?”
“Yes! Uhm… I get it if you don’t feel the same— I just needed to say it.”
“No, no I… I feel the same. I just wasn’t sure how to label the feeling, I suppose.”
Mafuyu fidgeted with his fingers, avoiding eye contact. His face was tinged a light shade of red, similarly to Mizuki’s - though the pinkette’s was a bit redder.
Mizuki cleared her throat, “I guess… that’s good then. Does that make us…”
“Partners, only if you want that to happen.” Mafuyu took Mizuki’s hand in his, rubbing his thumb along the back of it.
Mizuki giggled, looking up, “Of course I want that. I’ve always been scared of change, but I think this will be a positive one.”
“I think so too.”
Mizuki lifted her free hand to Mafuyu’s chin, asking silent permission, when that was granted, she pulled him in. It wasn’t a lot, just a sweet, short brush of the lips.
That was enough.