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Growing up, Alex was not an insecure person. He didn't stare at himself in the mirror while trying to find any imperfections. Or wish he were someone he wasn't. He didn't have time for that. Any free time he had was spent on the ranch, caring for his horse Murphy. He wasn't immune to the fact that his older brother Cole was good-looking. With blue eyes and soft blond hair, Cole was fit for any modeling gig he could ever want. He could have flown out to Los Angeles and started a career as an actor if he wanted to. But he didn't. Cole was satisfied with staying in Silver Falls, Colorado, and serving as a magnet for all the girls at his school. Alex noticed the way girls' eyes would track over Cole. He was eye candy for the entire town. But Alex didn't care that much. He was different from Cole and wouldn't want to be in his position. Being the center of attention seemed tiring.
Then everything changed because of Jackie.
When Jackie moved on to the ranch and started developing feelings for the two boys, Alex began to compare himself to Cole. He didn't view himself as being as good-looking as Cole. Alex started to examine his own appearance and develop insecurities he had never had before. He had felt like such a child compared to Cole. There was only a year difference between the two, but Alex thought it looked closer to five.
Eventually, Alex realized that he should simply continue being himself instead of trying to be more like Cole. Jackie could choose whoever she wanted, and it would all be fine. At least, that was what Alex thought until it actually happened. When Jackie sat Alex down to explain that her feelings were stronger for Cole, Alex tried his best not to cry. Although Jackie claimed that her personality was better suited for Cole, Alex couldn't help but think that looks had to have played at least a small part in her decision.
So that leaves him standing directly in front of his mirror, critiquing his appearance like an English teacher ripping into a student's essay. At first glance, Alex thinks he looks all right. He's been told he has looked cute before. But those girls would say it in a way you call a puppy cute. Cute, but that's about it. They would go on to date the chiseled guys with six-pack abs and defined jawlines. Sure, it sounds like middle school thinking, but Alex has seen it happen.
Alex studies the assortment of freckles under his eyes and across his nose. Cole has smooth skin without any blemishes. He doesn't even know how it's possible; Cole's definition of skincare is spending three seconds wiping a bar of cheap soap on his face before splashing sink water over it. No amount of soap will clear Alex's freckles. He never used to mind them, but now he wonders if they are part of what's preventing him from being hot. They can pass as cute, but what about hot?
He moves on to study the shape of his eyebrows so intently that he doesn't hear Cole enter the room. He has one finger over the arch of his left brow, trying his best to determine if he should get it threaded. Cole watches for a second before clearing his throat.
Alex drops his hand and turns around in surprise. "You scared me," he says. His frustration turns into embarrassment. He wonders how long Cole was watching him.
"Mom wanted me to tell you that we're having a little s'mores night tonight out by the fire pit. Just for family. Jackie's coming back from Grace's house around eight, so it'll be around that time.
"Alright, cool," Alex says before looking away. He hopes Cole gets the hint to leave. He doesn't. "What have you been doing all day? Just staring in the mirror?" Cole smirks.
Alex glares at his older brother. "No, that's what you do."
Cole holds up his hands in mock defense. "I do no such thing. And what's with the attitude? I thought we were good."
Alex lowers his chin and sighs loudly. "Yeah, we are. I'm used to it. Of course, you'll always win. Look at you and look at me." He stretches his arms out to his sides and glances down at his worn gray sweatpants and navy hoodie with an old oil stain near its top right.
Cole chuckles before noticing Alex's sour expression. Realizing that Alex isn't joking around, Cole walks over to Alex's bed and sits on its edge. "Your outfit could use some work, but you've just been lounging around in your room anyway. You can get girls if you want to. Just like I can," he winks.
Alex falls dramatically onto his bed. "Ugh, stop with that. You don't have to rub it in."
"Rub what in? That you can get girls? Because you can—"
"No, not that! That you can! Every time a girl shows an interest in me, it all goes away when she sees you. I look alright until I'm standing next to you."
Cole accidentally slips out a laugh, but forces a cough to try to stop himself. "What are you on about? Yeah, alright, that has happened before, but not with Jackie. She was honest with you. She just vibed more with my personality, but that really has nothing to do with you. You also have a great personality, but it might be better suited for—"
"Just stop already!" Alex's voice cracks, and he feels his cheeks instantly get red.
"Whoa, okay, sorry," Cole stammers. "I'm sorry if I'm being insensitive. What do you mean by me standing next to you?"
Alex focuses on his ceiling. His boring ceiling, but it's better than looking at Cole right now. "You know."
Cole tilts his head, lips pursed in thought. "I'm really not trying to be a jerk right now, but I'm confused."
"Of course you are," Alex says. Then he catches himself. "Sorry. It's just that you're... You know... like a Ken doll."
Cole snorts. "Thanks, bro."
"Yeah, you're welcome. But it can be hard to get deeply invested in a girl because once she sees you, it's like she's thinking that maybe she can try to do better than me."
"What are you talking about? If a girl likes you, then she likes you. What do I have to do with that?"
Alex sits up and puts his face in his hands. He knows his face must still be red, and he groans at the embarrassment of this whole situation. "Because you're better looking than me! I'm like a... like an awkward teenage boy who is possibly cute but never hot."
Cole is tempted to make a joke about Alex inadvertently calling him hot, but he refrains. "Come on, Alex. Are we really doing this right now? Comparing ourselves?"
"It's kind of hard not to when Jackie was left to compare us."
"So part of this is about Jackie?"
Alex's chin tremors, and his eyes start to burn. "I don't know what's wrong with me. I know you guys have great chemistry, and she ultimately liked you more. But I can't help but think that if I didn't have boring, brown eyes or these stupid freckles, the score would be more even."
Cole mulls this over for a few seconds. He knows he needs to choose the right words. "This isn't a game. I don't want to compete with you. And why are you being so harsh on yourself? Your eyes are fine. They go well with your hair. And your freckles are cute."
A tear slips down Alex's face as he forces a fake laugh. "Sorry, this is embarrassing."
Cole puts a protective arm around him. "You're good. I never want you to feel like you have to compare yourself against me. Do you think I don't have insecurities?"
Alex narrows his eyes. "Do you?"
"Of course. It's a horrible thing to do, but it's natural to be critical of yourself. Never once did I think your freckles were ugly, but if you're standing in front of the mirror all day looking at your face, you're going to make things up."
Alex nods slowly, letting the words sink in. "Once again, I wasn't standing in front of the mirror all day," he grins. "And maybe you're right. I am being too critical of myself."
Silence fills the air for what feels like a whole minute. Alex's tears stop falling, and Cole takes this as a cue to stand up.
"Why would I want to be just like you?" Alex asks with a smile. "One of you is plenty."
Cole rubs the back of his neck. "Uhh, thanks, I guess?"
"You're welcome. Now, you should research how to not burn marshmallows. Or else you might waste seven marshmallows again. See you outside tonight!"