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Chapter Text

Thursday 28th March

“Tom, I believe that it’s your turn to take the box of donated books to the library?” Pat’s voice cut across Thomas’ concentration. He had been in the middle of some complex calculations as to how many copies of the new crime thriller that was popular online they would need to order in based on how fast their current stock had been flying off of the shelves. Balls. He’d been caught.

Thomas had come into the back to do stock deliberately, trying to hide, in the hopes that it would be forgotten that it was his turn and that Pat would send the Captain instead. Ever since Pat had thought of this initiative, asking people to donate books that they had finished with to the chronically underfunded and struggling public library, this chore had become the bane of his employees’ existence. Apart from each other, of course.

Thomas sighed and put the stockroom iPad back in the rack that hung on the wall. “Coming!” he yelled, pushing down the indignation as much as possible. It wouldn’t do to keep Pat waiting. He had used his ‘I am your employer and I’m telling you to do this’ voice, as opposed to his ‘I am one of your best friends and I am asking you nicely’ voice. It was rare that he used that tone of voice with either of them, outside of the times that he was reprimanding them for one of their many and constant fights. Thomas knew that Pat meant business when he spoke like that outside of that particular context. And Thomas would never deliberately or knowingly wind Pat up, or disrespect him. He owed Pat too much to behave that way towards him. The Captain was, of course, a different story. Thomas lived to deliberately and knowingly wind him up, often with a healthy amount of disrespect. Thomas had made it his life’s mission to be as irritating as humanly possible. It was more entertaining than any sport, and the Captain really deserved it.

Thomas went back onto the shop floor and headed to the counter to pick up the box of donated books from Pat’s loyal regulars. The Captain was behind the counter, serving a customer. He was wearing a matching t-shirt to Thomas, and a carefully schooled expression of politeness on his face. Thomas squeezed past him to grab the box, wary of not touching him. By the time he had collected it, the customer had gone. The Captain turned to him with a smug smile. He’s such a… wazzock, Thomas thought. He should have known that the Captain would rat him out. He had thought that he could feel eyes on him when he was sneaking into the stockroom. The man had probably even reminded Pat that the job needed doing before he had revealed Thomas’ whereabouts. Thomas could picture the relish on his stupid face, his bright blue eyes lighting up and the side of his mouth twitching into a victorious smirk, as he had done it. Thomas poked his tongue out in response to his smugness, knowing that this kind of childish behaviour really ground the Captain’s gears.

Sure enough, the smelly old walrus immediately opened his mouth to start an argument. “There’s not going to be any fighting today, is there lads?” Pat’s voice cracked across the now empty shop like a whip. Definitely his employer voice, with a hint of frustration. The Captain snapped his mouth shut, glaring at Thomas. Thomas winked at him, knowing that this would infuriate him further, and pushed past him, moving closer to the counter than necessary, with the box of donated books in his arms. It forced the Captain forwards, knocking his hip into the sharp edge of the till. The Captain hissed in rage and pain. Thomas hoped that it would bruise.

“I’m so sorry,” Thomas cried, his voice oozing with a sarcasm that he knew from experience that Pat would be totally oblivious to. The Captain gritted his teeth, also knowing that Pat would have missed it. Thomas knew that the Captain didn’t want to be the one in the dog house for biting first. Thomas was currently employee of the week, having started only three fights since Monday, whereas the Captain was on four. If he started a fifth, Pat might make him go to the library instead of Thomas as a punishment. While both Thomas and the Captain knew that employee of the week was a thinly concealed attempt to bribe them both into behaving at work, Thomas was competitive enough that he wanted to win it. Plus, there was the added bonus that it infuriated the Captain when he lost, because he was even more competitive than Thomas was. And he seemed to take an obscene pleasure in beating Thomas.

“Oops! Try not to be so clumsy, Tom! We don’t want you dropping all of those lovely donations now, do we? The car keys are on the hook by the back door,” Pat said, rising from the floor where he had been kneeling to stack a shelf, and wiping his hands on his khaki shorts, pulling his identical t-shirt to his employees down as he stood up. Pat shot the Captain a warning glare, daring him to latch onto his comment and berate Thomas for being klutzy. When the Captain ignored the opening that he had accidentally given him, Pat wandered off into the office that doubled as a staffroom. The sound of the kettle boiling rose up from the room.

“Nice try, Thorne. You’re not going to get me to crack that easily, sir!” the Captain spat as soon as Pat was out of earshot. “I know your game. You’re trying to get me to do your duties as well as mine! It’s absolutely disgraceful! You are such a feckless layabout.”

Thomas ignored him (he wasn’t wrong, and Thomas couldn’t think of a witty comeback fast enough), took the box out to the car and dived back inside to grab the car keys. If he had to do this ridiculous task, he might as well get it out of the way as quickly as possible. The sooner he returned to work, the sooner he could scribble down some lines of poetry about insufferable co-workers that were lingering at the edge of his creative consciousness. Thomas put the box into the boot and climbed into the driver’s seat, starting the engine of Pat’s Dacia, which had the bookshop’s logo emblazoned on it. ‘How Soon Is Now?’ sounded on the radio, which was almost permanently tuned in to an 80s music station by either Thomas or Pat. Thomas instantly felt some of the tension leave his body. The Smiths were akin to poetry in his book.

Thomas pulled out of the alley behind Pat’s bookshop and turned onto the High Street in the direction of the library. He was there before the song had even finished. Really, he could have walked the box around if the Captain had come with him, but he was certainly not going to do the walk alone carrying a heavy box of books. And Pat was too health and safety conscious to let him.

The public library was an unattractive concrete building at the far end of the High Street, dark and dreary. Pat’s bookshop was a far more welcoming environment, all traditional red brick, with its rich green bookshelves, deep cozy armchairs, cleverly placed mood-lighting and big glass windows. Thomas secretly wasn’t surprised that the library was in trouble, failing to attract the customers to use it on a regular basis. People just didn’t consume media in the same way that they used to, and when coupled with its stifling atmosphere and lack of community spirit, it wasn’t really a shock that people didn’t want to work or socialise there. Mary’s Café had become the de facto ‘work from home from a public space’ place. It was fully of comfortable furniture, always smelled of chocolate brownies and freshly roasted coffee beans, and was warmed by Kitty and Mary’s genuine smiles of delight at every new customer. And Fanny ran her community projects out of the village hall, not the library.

But Pat had taken on the public library as his most recent community project, which meant that Thomas and the Captain had been dragged unwillingly into the fight. As had their friends, to a lesser extent - especially Fanny and Julian. It was about the only thing that Thomas and the Captain could agree on - the library was doomed. And frankly, it was better for Pat’s business (and therefore Thomas’ continued employment) that it was. Not that Thomas would ever tell Pat that.

Thomas grabbed the box of books from the boot and headed through the doors. The silence inside was oppressive. Why did librarians insist on total quiet? It was so counterproductive. Thomas was of the firm opinion that the lack of ability to discuss literature was contributing to the decline of the service. Pat’s shop was always full of people considering the merits of one book over another, debating what to purchase next based on reviews and recommendations. Thomas delighted in sharing his opinions with their customers, and was thrilled whenever he was able to influence someone into buying a book. And he loved discussing it with the customer when they came back into the shop once they had finished reading it, regardless of whether their opinion accorded with his own or not. Especially when they had purchased poetry. Thomas had once had a three hour argument with a customer about Byron (the overrated cad). It was a treasured memory.

Writing review cards for the books that he had read was one of Thomas’ favourite parts of his job. He and the Captain had a silly unspoken competition to try to outdo each other with the number of books they read in a month so that they could produce the most review cards for Pat. Thomas nearly always won, but even he had to concede that it was because he favoured novels and volumes of poetry, whereas the Captain was a fan of a meaty and dense non-fiction tome, preferably concerning some obscure piece of military history. Pat preferred sci-fi and fantasy, so between the three of them, they pretty much covered all bases in terms of recommendations to customers. And whatever they didn’t have covered would be picked up by the weekend staff, Alison and Obi, or by one of their other friends.

Thomas approached the front desk, and was unsurprised to see no one there. It was in-keeping with the general unwelcoming vibe of the place. He slammed the box down on top of the desk, sorely tempted to just walk away and leave it there. But Pat would know. He always knew. He wouldn’t be angry, just disappointed, and Thomas couldn’t stand his disappointed face (when it wasn’t pointed at the Captain, that is). Thomas sighed, dinged the bell for attention, and settled in for a long wait.

Thomas was leaning his arms on the desk and flipping absentmindedly through one of the donated books (an illustrated guide to armoured vehicles and tanks that could only have been donated by the Captain, that ridiculous obsessive) when a voice startled him. “Can I help you?” Thomas looked up to see the most beautiful woman he had ever seen in his life. She had glossy red-brown hair, and pale green eyes. She was wearing an extremely pretty green dress that hugged her curves and made her eyes sparkle. She was probably a couple of years younger than him, around Kitty’s age maybe. Thomas was surprised to see such a young librarian. They were usually old, bitter hags with a penchant for shouting at people for being happy. In Thomas’ experience, the librarians at this library absolutely fit that stereotype.

“Oh, hi, uh, I’m just dropping the donations off from Fit to Print.” He gestured to his black, branded work t-shirt that Pat insisted that they all wear. Thomas supposed that having a uniform of sorts took the stress out of getting dressed in the morning. Although he liked to find the most outrageous trousers he could to pair with his t-shirt to get a reaction from the Captain. He was particularly proud of his pride flag trousers, that Kitty and he had found in a vintage store. The Captain had actually choked the first time that Thomas had turned up to work wearing those. “I’m Thomas. Thomas Thorne.” He dropped the book back into the box, and held his hand towards her. She reluctantly took it, and Thomas swore he felt sparks where they touched.

“Isabelle. Um, sorry, I don’t know anything about this. I’ll just need to go and call my manager. Will you be alright here for five minutes?” She was already taking steps backwards to the office.

“Of course,” Thomas fished the book back out of the box, just to hide the fact that he was going to spend the next five minutes staring at her while he waited. She really was exquisite. Plus, she worked in a library, so it was safe to assume that she loved books as much as Thomas did. Maybe she even liked poetry as much as he did. Then she really would be perfection.

After a few minutes, Isabelle came back out of the office. “Sorry, did you say that your name is Pat? The owner of the bookshop up the road?”

“No, I’m Thomas. I work for Pat,” Thomas explained, furrowing his brow. He had introduced himself hadn’t he? He was sure that he had.

“Oh, ok. Well, are these from Pat?” she asked.

“Uh, yes, they are. Donated by our customers at the shop,” Thomas smiled at her, hoping that she would smile back. He had a feeling that her smile would be devastating. He couldn’t take his eyes off of her.

“Right. Thanks. I’ll pop these into the office then.” She didn’t smile back. Thomas lingered. “Sorry, is there anything else I can help you with? Otherwise, I’d better get back to it.” Thomas looked around at the completely empty library and figured that she must be joking. He laughed, but stopped abruptly when she didn’t crack a smile or join in.

“Oh, well, it was nice to meet you. I hope to see you again soon!” Thomas backed towards the door, reluctant to take his eyes off of her for even a second.

“Bye.” She turned her back on him and disappeared into the office. Thomas let out a breath he hadn’t even realised that he’d been holding. Isabelle. Even her name was beautiful. Thomas needed to see her again. It was practically love at first sight.

***

James grabbed his cricket bag from the small staffroom that doubled as an office before calling goodbye to Pat and Thorne. He was desperate to escape from work. Thorne had been particularly annoying that afternoon after he had returned from the library, all spaced out and unable to concentrate on anything, a dazed look in his large dark eyes and a soft smile on his lips. James was sure that he had been doing it deliberately in revenge for James reminding Pat about the books for the library. He should have known that Thorne would work out what he had done. Thorne was many things, but he wasn’t unintelligent. James had tried his best not to give Thorne the satisfaction, but had snapped at him after he had given the third customer in a row the incorrect change (although really that was the customers fault, who paid in cash anymore?), mistakes that James had to rectify. It earned him a scowl from Patrick and another negative mark on the employee of the week chart that he used to attempt to bribe the two of them into playing nice at work. Thorne hadn’t received any negative marks for getting it wrong in the first place.

Bally hell, James thought. That means that Thorne will get the free book this week. Not that Pat had ever made either of them actually pay for a book from his shop. Or any of the their group, really. But it was the principle of the thing. It felt better when it was earned. And once again, Thorne hadn’t earned it, he didn’t deserve the victory. James had his eye on a particularly intriguing book concerning amphibious landing craft from 1939 to 1945 that he had been looking forward to adding to his collection. Oh well, there’s always next week.

He was halfway down the road towards the cricket club when he remembered that the new all-rounder would be starting at practice that evening. He was supposed to be a particularly good fast bowler, and apparently consistently scored centuries while batting. Barclay had been singing his praises for weeks. James wasn’t so sure. They’d had a nightmare of a time trying to replace Banbury, who had moved away following his marriage a few years ago. James didn’t think that this new guy would measure up. The last three recruits, none of whom had lasted more than a season, certainly hadn’t. The team had been at risk of losing its position within their current league last season, and had only just survived relegation. James’ attempt to fall on his sword by resigning the captaincy had been sniffed at. But if the team wasn’t going to replace the leadership, they needed someone good to replace Banbury at long last.

The familiar sight of the cricket field rose up before him, and James felt all of the tension in his body disappear. James just needed to smack a few balls into touch. He was a batsman, but had been on a bit of a bad streak recently. If he was being honest with himself, he knew that he hadn’t had a truly great game since Adam had been around to watch him, all those years ago. But he had been even worse in the last few months, and he hadn’t scored a century at their last six matches. It was proving to be very bad for morale. He was usually the team’s top run scorer.

James headed to the clubhouse, his feet finding the changing room by muscle memory more than anything, lost in his thoughts. He grinned when he saw Humphrey, best friend and fellow cricket enthusiast, already changing out of his jeans and plaid shirt in their usual spot. “Hello, Humph. Good day?”

“Yeah, alright thanks mate! Lambing season has just started, and we got the new potato crop to plant today, so Robs and I have been very busy! How was your day?” Humphrey owned Bone Farm with his twin brother, Robin, and took his responsibilities as a tenant farmer extremely seriously. Humphrey mainly dealt with their crops, being less inclined to accidentally break the expensive agricultural machinery than his chaotic brother. Robin mainly dealt with the animals as he was better in-tuned to their wants and needs. Besides which, Robin’s sheepdogs didn’t listen to Humphrey. At all. They just looked at him like he was speaking another language. And given that they were trained to respond to Robin, who had a speech impediment, he may well have been to the dogs.

“Thorne and I got into another fight. Or two. He was being particularly infuriating today. Pat blamed me, of course. I really don’t know why Pat insists on keeping him. He is a lazy, self-absorbed dreamer with a serious attitude problem,” James scowled. It really was unfair. Surely being the longest-serving member of staff should have given him some kind of power of veto over Pat’s insane hiring choices. Pat was always complaining about their inability to co-operate at work, which wouldn’t have happened if James had been given any input at all into the decision to hire Thorne or not. And if he hadn’t been hired by Pat, Thorne wouldn’t have infiltrated his friendship group either.

Humphrey rolled his eyes. “Oh, come on now James. For the same reason he keeps all of us. No other fucker would want to be friends with any of us. You know that. I’ve told you before, you just need to give Thomas some time. The rest of us have warmed up to him, and we wouldn’t be without him now. You’ll get there eventually. He really is no worse than Julian, yet you’re fast friends with him!”

Thorne was the newest addition to the little charity project that was his group of friends. Pat collected outcasts and weirdos as much as he adopted silly little missions like the doomed public library. Pat was a perpetual do-gooder, who could never leave well enough alone. He claimed that it was the Scout Master in him, but James thought that he was just an annoyingly nice human being who genuinely liked helping other people. Pat had adopted James into his group when James had moved to the village on a whim after leaving the Army, desperate to start fresh somewhere new. Before James, it had near enough been a club of lonely divorcee’s, consisting of Julian, Fanny and Humphrey, who Pat had forced to spend time with each other so that they could support each other through their respective marriages ending. Robin was peripheral at that point, because he was Humphrey’s sibling. Robin had started to hang out with them more regularly once the widowed Mary had arrived, and they had both stayed with the group after beginning their more intimate relationship. Kitty had joined them once she had moved back home full-time after graduating university, despite being considerably younger than them all. Mary had given her a job at her café, and that had been all it had taken.

When Thorne had moved to the village near to where he had grown up after several years of living in London and failing to make a living as a poet, Pat had immediately offered him a job and absorbed him into their group. Kitty, of course, had loved him immediately (they were close in age to each other at 25 and 28 as well as the only two in the group under the age of 30, and they were shockingly similar in personality) and they got on like a house on fire. The others had been more reluctant. Where Kitty was endearing and loveable, the same qualities in Thorne came across as petulant and whiny. While the others had all slowly come around, quoting his supposed ‘good qualities’ such as his loyalty, his creativity and his unwavering confidence (even when it was highly undeserved and entirely misplaced), James was left out in the cold, alone in his enduring dislike of Thorne. His continued presence in James’ life was definitely forced on him by his friends.

“How much more time do you think he needs exactly?” James asked incredulously. “I have tried, Humph. Really, I have, you know I have. It’s been nearly five years of trying! I just cannot stand him. He is so obnoxious!” Humphrey just rolled his eyes again, and waited for James to finish pulling on his cricket whites. It was a familiar argument that James thought neither of them would ever win. James changed the subject. “So, the new guy is starting today, no?”

James and Humphrey chatted away, heading out onto the field together. They were the last ones out of the changing room, and the rest of the team stood in a group on the pitch. Barclay Beg-Chetwynde, the President of the Cricket Club and royal pain in James’ arse, stood in front of the team, next to who James could only assume was the newbie.

The newcomer made direct eye contact with James and smiled. James swore his heart stopped beating for a second. The man was tall, taller than James, taller even than Humphrey, and lean. He had dark hair, cropped fairly short, and deep brown eyes. A smattering of stubble covered his jaw. He had a dark red scar across his left eye, which did not mar his looks at all. It simply added to the intrigue. He gave a strong impression of capability and masculinity. He was, simply, the most handsome man that James had met in a long time.

“Team, this is Anthony Havers,” Barclay introduced the man standing next to him. “He has just moved here, having bounced around a bit after leaving the Army.” James knew that he had felt some instant connection to the man. If he had been in the Army as well, he was sure to understand James in a way that no one else did. “Be nice, chaps. Anthony could change our fortunes this season! Captain, I have assigned you as Anthony’s buddy to help him settle in. Fellow military men and all that. Right, well, to practice boys! Our first match won’t win itself, you know!” Barclay continued.

Humphrey rolled his eyes. “I’m not being funny, Cap, but surely it’s more important that you actually captain the team rather than babysit the newbie? What was Barclay thinking? I swear, if the man had actually ever played a game of cricket in his life, he would be a far better President.” If Humphrey had expected James to agree, he would have been very surprised by the non-committal noises he got in response. Humphrey’s eyes widened as James wandered off in the direction of Anthony. James ignored him.

“Anthony, is it? Nice to meet you, I’m James,” he extended his hand, and felt flutters in his stomach when Anthony took it and shook it.

“James? Did Barclay call you ‘Captain’?” Anthony smiled at him.

“Ah, yes. I am the Captain of this team. Although, funnily enough, it was also my rank in the Army. Anyway, uh, welcome. We’re just going to go through drills tonight, if that’s acceptable?” Anthony nodded. James coughed, his mouth going dry under the intensity of the eye contact with Anthony. He caught Humphrey looking at him, his eyebrow raised, clearly unimpressed. James couldn’t imagine what his problem was. James quickly turned away, gathering the team around him and setting up some drills. He thrilled at the chance to show Anthony how good he could be as a Captain, how respected he was by his men. Which was somewhat dampened by Humphrey’s usual teasing and mischievous banter. Humphrey showed affection for James by continually taking the piss out of him, as if he thought that James would develop too much of an ego in the absence of some humility. James watched the others perform their drills, offering suggestions and critiques every now and then, handing out praise when justified. Humphrey continued to misbehave, and James would swear that he was being worse than normal. James continued to ignore him.

After a while, James stood up to bat himself, realising that he had absentmindedly paired himself up against Anthony. And Anthony was every bit as good as Barclay had promised. The balls he bowled flew so fast that James found himself having to intensely concentrate in order to be in with a chance of hitting them. In the end, pretending that they were Thorne’s face, complete with his high cheekbones and sharp features, seemed to do the trick. He started smacking them straight into touch, venting some of the day’s frustrations, his brain lingering on their arguments and Thomas’ inflammatory smirks. James’ muscles felt sore by the end of the session, a sign of a good night of practice. He was high on endorphins by the time that practice came to a close and the team headed back to the clubhouse.

“Oi, you looking forward to movie night?” Humphrey asked when they were back in the changing rooms. James was grateful for the distraction, having been desperately trying to keep his gaze away from where Anthony was changing in case it made him uncomfortable. James did not have a very good gaydar. The last thing he would want would be to make someone upset at sharing a changing room with a gay man who openly ogled.

“I probably won’t go, Humph. I’ve had a full dose of Thorne for today, and I’m not sure that I have the patience for any more of it. I’d be grateful if you could just drop me off at home on your way to Button House tonight, if you don’t mind.”

Humphrey grimaced, and it was immediately clear that he did mind, quite a lot. “James, don’t be so ridiculous. You’ll break Kitty’s heart. It’s her turn to choose, so we’re watching ’Mean Girls’ tonight.” James grumbled an assent, knowing that it would, in fact, break Kitty’s heart if he didn’t go. Thorne was her absolute favourite person in the entire world, and she just did not understand his extreme dislike of the man. James had lost count of the amount of times that she had pleaded with them both to make friends. It was about the only thing that James couldn’t do for Kitty. But he could tolerate Thorne for a few more hours for her. If he put some physical space between them, it should be enough to mean that they wouldn’t have to interact. Humphrey clapped him on the shoulder, and left to grab his car. James finished up and went to wait for him outside the clubhouse in the cooling evening air. He took a deep breath, trying to ground himself for a few more hours of Thorne’s prickly presence, preying that he had worked out enough of his irritation in the two hours that they had been apart so that he didn’t instantly start a fight.

“Hey, thanks for tonight, James. It was nice to meet you. I look forward to playing with you all. I was wondering if I could pick your brains about the team? I mean, so I can work out how to fit in to your style of play, that kind of thing. Maybe over a drink?” It was Anthony. James could think of nothing he would rather do. He was about to reply to Anthony and say yes, when Humphrey’s Jeep pulled up in front of them and the passenger door flew open.

“Get in loser, we’re going shopping!” Humphrey yelled, grinning madly at James and totally missing Anthony’s presence in his eagerness to get to film night. Ah. A ‘Mean Girls’ reference. James chuckled despite himself. Humphrey hadn’t meant to cockblock, he couldn’t possibly have a reason to stop Anthony from speaking to James. And it was probably better that James didn’t spend any one on one time with Anthony until he was sure that Anthony liked men. James didn’t want to cause either of them any embarrassment. Especially as it looked as if Anthony could end up being a real asset for the team.

“Sorry, I already have plans. It was nice to meet you too. I’ll see you on Saturday for practice.” James smiled at Anthony, feeling the flutters again when Anthony smiled in response. James threw his cricket bag into the back of Humphrey’s Jeep and climbed into the passenger seat. They headed in the direction of Button House, and Fanny’s home theatre. James thought about Anthony’s smile the whole way there.

Chapter Text

Wednesday 3rd April

Thomas saw Isabelle again about a week later. He was in Mary’s Café, directly opposite the bookshop on the High Street, picking up the normal morning coffee order for himself, Pat and (reluctantly as always) the Captain, when Isabelle walked in. She was wearing jeans and a white blouse today, looking incredibly chic and as beautiful as ever. She approached the counter, looking up at the menu board to consider her order, without noticing Thomas.

“Good morning, Tommy! Here, I pre-prepared them. I wasn’t sure which one of you was coming in to get them today, but they were made no more than five minutes ago!” Kitty cried when she saw him, leaning over the counter to give her best friend a peck on the cheek. Her fuchsia work t-shirt clashed horribly with her electric blue apron, but did make her dark eyes sparkle. She had found a lipstick in the exact same shade of pink while shopping with Thomas a few months ago, and now she wore it to work every day. Her winged eyeliner was the same colour as her apron.

“Good morning, Kits. Thank you so much, doll. What on earth would we do without you?” Kitty pushed the coffee carrier across the counter to him while Thomas checked in the glass of the bakery counter that she had not left lipstick on his cheek, which would be sure to attract a rude remark from the Captain. The coffee order was something syrupy and sweet on ice for him, a flat white for Pat and a ridiculously bitter black americano for the Captain. As always. Thomas took them gratefully.

“Die of caffeine deficiency?” she laughed, quirking an eyebrow at him. Kitty’s laugh was the most joyous sound on earth in Thomas’ opinion, and he was utterly helpless at resisting its positive infectiousness. He grinned back at her. “I’ll see you at lunch, yeah?” she asked.

“Of course,” he murmured, like it was obvious (which it was, really. They ate together most days), his attention already drifting to Isabelle. She approached Kitty and ordered, still not even acknowledging Thomas’ presence. “Hi again,” he said once she had ordered, leaning against the counter in what he hoped was a casual pose, the carrier of coffees balanced in his left hand.

Isabelle jumped. “Oh… hi. Pat, right?”

Thomas frowned. “No, I…”

“Tom! Good mornings, sweetie! Here, do you boys want these? They be left over from yesterdays, they may be a bits stales,” Mary appeared out of nowhere, shoving a paper bag of muffins at him. Her electric blue apron had a huge smear of flour on it already from whatever it was that she was baking, and her t-shirt was a rich mustard yellow. Thomas grinned at her. He always got free food shoved at him by Mary, far more often than when Pat or the Captain did the morning coffee run. The best part was that it really wound the Captain up when Thomas made Pat happy by turning up with breakfast unannounced.

“Oh Mare, thank you! I’ll eat them, even if Pat and Captain Uptight don’t want any. You know I love your baking!” He took the bag eagerly, and turned back to Isabelle.

“Oh, that’s right. Thomas who works for Pat. At the bookshop,” Isabelle smiled at him for the first time. He had guessed correctly. Her smile was devastating. Thomas’ stomach flipped.

“Thomas is a poet,” Kitty said, proudly. She could always be depended on to leap into action on Thomas’ behalf, even if she had no idea of the context. Although Kitty knew him very well, so Thomas suspected that she had guessed that he was interested in Isabelle. He wasn’t exactly difficult to read, especially not to Kitty, and she was well aware of his type, both male and female. He tended to like younger, beautiful women, and older, handsome men. “He’s very good. Before his time.”

“Is that so?” Isabelle asked quietly.

Mary narrowed her eyes, looking at Isabelle suspiciously. Mary was always suspicious of the people that Thomas was interested in. She had told him once while drunk that he had incredibly bad taste in romantic partners and failed to see what was right in front of him. Whatever that meant. Robin had dragged her away before he had been able to ask. “Tom, Pat just opened up,” Mary told him.

“Oh, he won’t be mad at me if I’m a few minutes late this morning, not if I come bearing sweet treats!” Thomas didn’t see Mary and Kitty exchange a look. He was too busy desperately thinking of something else to say to Isabelle. He was drawing blanks. It must be her beauty, knocking him off balance. They had to have things in common, she worked at a library! Thomas was sure that she was his soulmate.

The door banged open. “Thorne, for god’s sake, come on! We’re dealing with a bally emergency, there’s no time for idle chit chat!” the Captain interrupted. His face was red, and his ridiculous moustache bristled in anger. Thomas rolled his eyes. “Good morning Mary, Katherine,” he greeted their friends, and with that the Captain yanked the door open again, gesturing for Thomas to go through it.

Thomas sighed. It wasn’t worth the argument, and besides, he didn’t want to get into it with the Captain in front of Isabelle. He figured that it might be a little off-putting, two grown men squabbling like toddlers. He waved at his friends. “See you,” he said, smiling at Isabelle again.

She smiled back. “Bye, Thomas.”

It never occurred to Thomas that Mary and Kitty hadn’t warned him about the Captain storming over the road to tear him away from Isabelle.

***

James had arrived at work that morning to find that the stockroom iPad had stopped working. It wouldn’t open, refusing to move past the lock screen. He had, of course, raised the alarm with Pat immediately, who had replied that he needed caffeine before he could even think about looking at it. It had been Thorne’s turn to grab their coffees from Mary’s Café, but James had instantly run out to do so. He had been beyond infuriated when he’d arrived to find Thorne, coffees in hand, loitering. To make matters worse, he hadn’t even apologised to Pat for his lateness, he had just thrown a bag of Mary’s muffins at him. And Pat had just dug through the bag for a blueberry, and thanked Thorne like he had performed a bally miracle, despite the fact that it was Mary who had baked them and given them away, as she was always doing with her friends. Thorne had even earned a positive mark on the employee of the week chart for it. James had not received anything for raising the alarm about their malfunctioning equipment.

Pat had phoned the local electronics store, who told him that the iPad, which he had brought from them secondhand and restored a few years ago, was simply old and had likely just given out due to excessive use. They had another restored one in stock, but they recommended just going and getting a new one if Pat could afford to do so, given how central it was to Pat’s business operating as usual. Thanks to the new crime bestseller that Thorne had ordered in bulk, which was apparently an internet sensation and seemed to be flying off of the shelves at a rate of knots, they could afford it. It was all very infuriating.

Which led to now. Pat had allowed the two of them to have their coffee (not that the crap that Thorne drank could possibly count as a real coffee, there was far too much sugar involved) and eat a muffin (lemon for James, chocolate for Thomas) before he sent them to the nearest town to get a new iPad. Quite why it needed the both of them to go, James wasn’t sure. He hadn’t wanted to argue with Pat, but it seemed to be a silly decision given that they would both be out of the shop for at least two hours, leaving Pat to tend Fit to Print alone. Not to mention that it was too much time spent one on one with Thorne, which was always a situation to be avoided. So James had argued. It had earned him another bally negative mark. For ‘not being a team player’. Ridiculous. He was a much better team player than Thorne. Pat could ask his cricket team.

Half an hour in Pat’s car with Thorne had felt like a death sentence. Thorne had immediately turned the radio to the nearest 80s station, and sat singing along with every song that came on. It was intensely irritating. Never mind that Thorne really did have a rather lovely singing voice.

James walked into the electronics store in the shopping centre, Thorne trailing behind. He immediately looked around for a member of staff, hoping to get this over with as soon as possible. His heart skipped a beat when he saw Anthony. Did he work here? He certainly seemed to be wearing a branded t-shirt that made it look as if he might. Anthony spotted him and made his way over, smiling broadly. “James! Great to see you! Can I help you at all?”

“Ah, yes please Anthony. We’re after a new iPad. The one at work died this morning,” James explained.

“We?” Anthony asked. James turned to introduce him to Thorne, but the blasted man had disappeared.

“Oh, bally hell. Where the blazes has he gone?” James muttered, anger immediately rising in him. Pat would kill him if he managed to lose Thorne. As tempting as it may be to strand him here and return to work without him.

He felt a hand at his sleeve. “What are you doing? They’re this way!”

He rounded on Thorne. “You can’t just disappear like that! We’re supposed to be doing this together!”

Thorne rolled his big, brown eyes. “Calm down. I just found the selection, I didn’t pick one without you, your royal highness. Are you coming, or not?” James smiled apologetically at Anthony and followed Thorne towards the iPads. He just wanted to get this over with, and return to the safety of the bookshop and Pat’s company.

It was only later that James realised that this was now the second conversation that he’d had with Anthony that had been cut off by him abruptly due to an outside interference. He would just have to try harder the next time he saw Anthony to speak to him for longer than two minutes.

***

Friday 5th April

At movie night on Thursday, before ‘Lilo & Stitch’ (Mary’s favourite Disney film), Julian had been complaining that he had to attend a fundraiser at the library the following evening, thanks to Pat’s scheming. Fanny was unable to attend, so he would unexpectedly be going alone. Thomas’ ears had pricked up. The ex-MP turned local councillor was not his favourite of their little group to hang out with one on one, but he could make an exception. For Isabelle’s sake. Thomas had casually offered to go with him, to keep him company, if it would make it easier for him. Julian had been so overcome with gratitude for the offer that he hadn’t even considered whether or not he should be suspicious of it. Pat had taken it as engagement in his pet project and had been inordinately pleased with him. The Captain had just glared.

Thomas bounced as he waited for Julian outside the library, nervous and excited to see Isabelle. Thomas was dressed in a charcoal grey suit with his emerald green tie that he knew made his brown eyes look an even deeper shade of chocolate. There was a reason that the deep shade of green was his favourite colour. Kitty was always encouraging him to buy dark green clothing on their shopping trips on the same basis. Thomas scuffed the newly polished toes of his left Chelsea boot across the ground as he shuffled in anticipation.

As he watched Julian approach, far more comfortable in his navy suit than Thomas would ever be in such formal wear, he had to tamp down his enthusiasm. The event would undoubtedly be boring, and it would appear very odd to be excited. Julian instantly snagged them both a glass of wine, draining his in seconds and going back for more. He spent a few minutes moaning to Thomas about how awful this was going to be, before pissing off to schmooze with the other local bigwigs. Thomas watched Julian for a few moments. He really was good at making small talk with people he cared nothing for, and charming them instantly. Thomas wasn’t sure that he had ever truly appreciated that about his friend before.

Thomas spotted Isabelle and headed over in her direction. Her green dress was floor-length velvet, and she was wearing a towering pair of heels that made her almost the same height as Thomas. She had curled her red-brown hair, and twisted it into an elaborate up-do. She was stunning, but definitely bored. And her face was a touch petulant in her boredom. Thomas reached her side and took a huge swig of his wine for courage. “We have to stop meeting like this,” he joked.

She looked at him blankly. “Oh, hello, Thomas.” Ok. So he wasn’t funny. He could pivot to another tack. “Why are you here? Is Pat around?”

“No, I’m here with my friend Julian. He’s a politician, he represents the village on the local council, so he has to come to all of these things and he appreciates the company. How are you?” he asked, giving himself time to think of something else to say. Something charming and witty. He tried to channel some of Julian’s energy. He was an absolute cad (although, of course, Thomas would fight anyone who tried to say so), but a charmer nonetheless. And it obviously worked with the ladies, since he was always embroiled in some new affair that would last a matter of weeks and could hardly be called a relationship. The group had long since stopped asking to be introduced to whoever was the latest. His only meaningful relationship, outside of his friendships with the group, was with his daughter Rachel, which was rocky at best.

“Oh, right. I’m fine, thanks. It kind of sucks that I have to work tonight,” she frowned.

“Oh, definitely. At least there’s free wine!”

“I don’t drink.”

“Oh.” There was an incredibly awkward silence. Thomas’ need to fill the void suddenly got in the way of his nervousness. “Look, I know we don’t know each other very well, but I’d like to get to know you better. Would you like to go for coffee or something at some point? With me, I mean?” The silence stretched on.

“Oh,” she turned to look at him then, staring into his eyes. Thomas’ heart skipped a beat. “I’m sorry, but no. You appear to be a nice guy, but you don’t seem like serious relationship material to me. And I’m at a stage in my life where I don’t want to date unless it has the potential to lead to marriage and children. Sorry.” She walked away.

Thomas stood there, gaping in shock. What? Not serious relationship material? Was she joking? All he did was serious relationships! Humiliated, Thomas slunk back over to Julian, who sent worried glances in his direction, but did not pry. The rest of the night was a wash out.

***

Sunday 7th April

James was in Mary’s Café on Sunday morning, enjoying a pot of tea and a croissant after going for his usual Sunday morning run, still dressed in his running gear. He couldn’t say what had led him there instead of straight home, he usually headed straight for a shower after a run. Anthony pushed the door to the café open and walked in. He smiled when he saw James and waved, but made no effort to approach him. He looked exceedingly handsome in jeans and a blue button down.

James gathered his courage and walked towards Anthony. He asked Kitty, who was rarely working the Sunday shift, for some sugar to put in his tea, which made her frown suspiciously as she knew full well that he thought that sugar in tea was an abomination, but she gave it to him without protest. It was the excuse that he had needed. He bounced on the balls of his feet as he waited for Kitty to turn her attention back to the coffee machine so that she wasn’t listening to his conversation with Anthony. It took an age as she eyed him up, trying to work out what was going on.

“Good morning, Anthony. Good day at practice yesterday, wasn’t it!” It really had been. The team were making significant progress with some new tactics, and Anthony’s bowling had tested all of the batsmen to step up their game in practice. James hoped that it would translate to success on the field in their first match in a few weeks’ time.

“Good morning, James. Yes it was. I’m enjoying myself getting to know everyone. Your Humphrey is very funny.”

James scoffed. “He’s not my Humphrey. We’re just friends. Best friends, in fact.” Anthony smiled and hummed awkwardly. James felt a flutter of nerves. Had he interpreted that wrongly? He thought it had sounded as if Anthony thought that he and Humphrey were a couple, and he had just wanted to squash that idea. Yes, Humphrey was bisexual, but so was Thorne. It didn’t mean that James wanted to date either of them. Although honestly, Humphrey would be a far better choice than Thorne. He wasn’t as good-looking and he wasn’t James’ type, but he was far less irritating, and their personalities clashed far less. James attempted to push past the awkward moment. “Would you like to join me? We can talk about the team? Or the Army? Or whatever you want, really.”

Anthony looked away, going red. Kitty called his order, and he collected it. A takeaway cup, James noted. “Oh, thank you for the offer James. I’m going to have to say no.” He paused. “I’m sorry. You’re a very nice guy. But I need someone a bit more comfortable with his sexuality. Someone a bit more emotionally available. And I just don’t think that you’re there yet.” He smiled apologetically, and left James standing there, bewildered and embarrassed.

Chapter Text

Tuesday 9th April

A couple of days after the disaster at the library, Thomas swung by Mary’s Café on his way home from work to give Kitty the copy of the latest romantasy novel that he had put aside for her after the afternoon’s stock delivery. When he entered, Mary’s lips were tight and her face was disapproving. Kitty looked sad and she wouldn’t meet his eye. Thomas frowned in confusion. And then he saw her. Isabelle, beautiful in a long green skirt and a white blouse, giggling and twirling a finger through her hair as she sat opposite the local GP. Francis, or Fred, or something. He was a colossal arsehole, arrogant and rude. Thomas remembered that Humphrey had even complained to the surgery about him, because he had told Robin that he was too old to have a speech impediment, and that it should have been stamped out of him a long time ago. Thomas felt like a knife had pierced his heart. How could Isabelle possibly consider that twat to be serious relationship material, and not him? Kitty sent a wordless plea in Mary’s direction. Mary nodded, and Kitty ripped her blue apron off and grabbed her bag, before practically dragging Thomas out of the café along with her. She hadn’t been able to prevent the sinking feeling of rejection from consuming him.

***

Thursday 11th April

The following week, at cricket practice, James had found as many reasons as possible to say as little to Anthony as he could reasonably get away with. He felt Humphrey’s questioning gaze on him, and ignored it. Humphrey was far too careful of James’ feelings to confront him about it, especially in front of other people. He would wait for James to bring it up with him. Which he had no intention of doing. James ran through the drills, deliberately pairing Anthony with someone else. He found that having practice to focus on made it easier to push his embarrassment to the side. But when practice ended, and he was waiting for Humphrey to pull his car around, he watched as Anthony got into a car with Gabriel Maddocks. He overheard that they were heading to the cinema together. Maddocks was a nice enough chap, but a bit dull and incredibly solemn, the sort of man that everyone liked only because he faded into the background too much to be actively disliked. James hadn’t even known that Maddocks was interested in men, and James had known him for a long time. He certainly didn’t scream ‘comfortable with his sexuality’, no more so than James. James’ stomach swooped with disappointment and his sense of embarrassment increased.

***

Friday 12th April

Thomas was on edge, all of the time, his temper short and his nerves shredded. He kept waiting for the one thing that would cause him to finally snap and launch him over the edge. He was filled with disappointment and embarrassment at how that last conversation with Isabelle had gone, and it was manifesting as anger and outrage. He knew that they would be great together. Why wouldn’t she just give it a chance?

He could feel the jealousy twisting through his stomach. What the hell did that Francis (Frank?) have that he didn’t anyway? Thomas didn’t want to be conceited, but he knew that he was better looking. It wasn’t exactly difficult to be better thought of than him, given that he was such a universally disliked arsehole. And surely Thomas’ interests and aspirations aligned better with Isabelle’s.

The Captain burst through the door, late to work for the first time that Thomas could remember in the five years they had worked together. His normally perfectly styled hair was messy and out of place, and he was red with exertion and embarrassment. He had a stain on his jeans that looked like engine oil. “I’m so sorry, Pat. It’s been one hell of a morning,” he called.

Thomas grinned spitefully, pausing his fussing with a display of books. “What sort of time do you call this, huh? It’s nice to know that for all of your military precision, you are still capable of being late, you gigantic hypocrite. What was it you preached at me on Wednesday? Ah, yes. ‘Early is on time, on time is late, and late is unacceptable!’ Pat is going to be so disappointed in you. He isn’t here by the way. He’s gone to get the coffees that you so clearly have forgotten.” Thomas knew that he was relishing it a bit too much, but honestly, the rank hypocrisy of the man was excessive.

The Captain ground his teeth and moved towards Thomas. “Thorne, I am warning you now, I do not have the patience for your behaviour today. I had a bad evening and a worse morning. I would thank you to keep your unnecessary comments to yourself.”

“It’s not so much fun when you’re the one being called out, is it? My horrendous Tuesday evening and awful Wednesday morning didn’t stop you from lecturing me, so I’m afraid that it won’t stop me now! Besides, you’re later than I have ever been,” Thomas snapped back.

The Captain closed the gap between them. “You live closer to work than I do! At least some of my lateness is explained by travel time! This is your last chance, Thorne. Stop. Talking.”

Thomas stood his ground, chest to chest with the Captain, glaring directly into his eyes. “Oh yeah? What are you going to do about it, soldier? Hit me?”

“Oh, please. You wouldn’t be able to withstand a light shove, let alone a punch, you namby-pamby bohemian,” the Captain sneered at him. This was what Thomas had needed. It pushed him over the edge. He pushed the Captain.

The Captain, not expecting it, tumbled backwards, knocking over a display of books that Thomas had spent the previous afternoon arranging. He had done that on purpose! Thomas snarled with rage. The Captain regained his balance, dropped his bag onto the floor and launched himself at Thomas. By the time Pat came back from Mary’s, coffees in hand, the floor was covered in books. Thomas and James were rolling around on the floor, trying to pin each other down into submission, biting, kicking and hitting each other in their attempts. Thomas was a little surprised that he had been able to hold his own quite so effectively against the undeniable muscled strength of the Captain.

“What the absolute FUCK do you think you are doing? This is my shop, you complete animals, and your place of employment. If you want to keep your jobs and not lose them to the weekend staff, I suggest you stop this at once!” Pat’s Yorkshire accent was a lot thicker in his anger. They both knew that Pat would never fire either of them, but they immediately stopped regardless. This was the first time that one of their fights had turned physical, and they were both exceptionally embarrassed. Granted, the shop was empty, but any potential customer wanting to come in would have been turned away by the sight of them brawling like a pair of alley cats, books flying through the air. And they had been so focussed on the fight that they couldn’t guarantee to Pat that it hadn’t happened.

Both men scrambled to their feet, mumbling apologies to Pat and refusing to look at each other. “The level of disrespect is shocking! You’re supposed to be my friends! I am actually disgusted with both of you. You know what? No one gets employee of the week this week. I’m having the free book. Fuck you both.”

“Patrick, I am really am sorry. I shouldn’t have engaged, but Thorne did start it,” the Captain immediately tried to throw him under the bus.

Thomas swelled up with fresh rage. “Faradiddle! What absolute poppycock! I think you’ll find it was your hypocrisy upon being late to work that started it, sir!”

Pat rounded on them both. “God, I am so sick of BOTH of you! Do you honestly think I give a fuck who started it? The end result is the same! What if a customer had seen you? Do you even care? This is my bloody business and I don’t need you hooligans ruining my reputation!” Pat took a deep breath, trying to calm himself down. “I have tried over and over and over again to get you to be nice to each other. I don’t care if you don’t like each other, and nor do the others. We’re all getting very tired of your constant bickering and poking at each other. It’s beyond ridiculous. It’s been five years of complete irrationality! No, you know what, that’s it. I’ve had enough. You have officially gone too far. In the office, both of you. Now. You can stay in there until you can apologise to each other. I’m going to need to sort out the mess that you’ve created and I don’t need your bickering getting in the way.” He walked to the door, turned the sign to ‘Closed’ and stooped to start stacking up fallen books. “What are you both still doing here? Did I stutter? You are on extremely thin ice!”

“I’m sorry, Pat…” Thomas started. He had never seen Pat so incensed with rage. Thomas was starting to believe that Pat might actually be capable of firing them.

“I don’t want to hear it! Office, now! You’re both in a time out. If you want to behave like toddlers, I’ll treat you like toddlers. Though god knows Daley never behaved like this when he was a toddler!”

Suitably chastised, Thomas turned and made his way to the office that doubled as a staffroom, the Captain hot on his heels. As soon as they were inside, Pat put their coffees on the desk, before exiting and locking the door behind him. Fuck, Thomas thought, reaching for his iced latte. We’ve really done it this time.

***

James sighed and took a seat. They really had taken it too far this time. Pat was right. Anyone could have seen them. James knew better than anyone that reputations took years to build and seconds to destroy.

He glanced up at Thorne, who was now sporting a fat lip, and sighed again. It really wasn’t Thorne’s fault that James was embarrassed by his interaction with Anthony. Nor was it his fault that Anthony had chosen to go out with the insipid Maddocks instead of him, filling James with envy. Nor was it his fault that James had woken up late, his internal turmoil having caused him to sleep through his first alarm completely, meaning that he would have to drive to work in order to be on time, only to find that his car wouldn’t start.

The truth was, he had been spoiling for a fight. And there Thorne had been, willing and eager to stoop to his level. More than willing and eager - Thorne could pack a surprisingly powerful punch. He hadn’t meant to hurt Thorne though. That was pretty unforgivable. As was upsetting Pat, who really had gone out of his way for both James and Thorne, adopting them both into his life, and providing them with employment, friends and a shoulder to cry on when they had been at their lowest.

“I…” James began, wriggling uncomfortably in his chair. “For what it’s worth, I am sorry, Thorne. I really have had the most appalling couple of days, but I shouldn’t have taken it out on you. Nor should I have put myself in a situation where I could give you a fat lip.”

Thorne looked startled. He touched his fingers to his lip and was surprised to see blood when he took them away. Then he laughed. He actually threw his head back and laughed, loud and full of something close to joy. The sound sent a tingle down James’ spine. He couldn’t remember ever having made Thorne laugh before when the sound wasn’t touched with sarcasm or scorn. Thomas’ laugh was infectious, and it had the corner of James’ mouth twitching up into a smile.

“I wouldn’t worry too much. You’ve got a pretty good cut above your left eyebrow. But uh, for what it’s worth, I’m sorry too. The truth is, I wanted a fight, and you happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.”

A strangely companionable silence filled the room between the two of them. James knew that there was no point knocking and asking Pat to release them, because he’d never believe that they had actually apologised to each other at all, let alone so quickly. Pat could never get them to apologise to each other normally.

James found himself unexpectedly filled with the sudden urge to tell Thorne about Anthony, to explain what it was that had been bothering him. It was bewildering. Why on earth would he share something so personal with Thorne? They were friends in name only. He couldn’t stand the man.

Before James could think about it too much, Thorne opened his mouth. “I don’t know why I’m telling you this, but I’m going to anyway. Please don’t be a prat about it. When I took the donated books to the library the other day, I met someone. Isabelle. One of the librarians. She’s the most beautiful woman that I’ve ever seen. I feel like we could have a great connection. I asked her out last week and she turned me down. Then I saw her out on Tuesday with that smarmy GP, you know, the one that Humphrey complained about.”

“Francis? But he’s such a twat!” James was stunned. Who in their right mind would pick Francis over Thorne? James didn’t even like Thorne, but he would choose him over that dickhead.

“I know! Anyway, that’s why I’m in a bad mood.”

“Right,” James acknowledged as he thought about it. Thorne’s story was just so similar to his own. It was really like Thorne was the only one in the whole world who would understand what he was going through. “I’m in the same boat actually.”

“Don’t mess with me. I told you not to be a prat about it,” Thomas scowled.

“I’m being serious! I met someone, a new member of the cricket team. Anthony. He’s also ex-military. Extremely handsome. I just thought that we might… click. He turned me down on Sunday morning. I saw him leave practice last night with Maddocks,” James grimaced again.

“The oaf who does Fanny’s lawns? Are you serious? He’s the most boring man on the planet!” Thorne looked incredulous.

“He has his own landscaping company, Thorne, he does a little bit more than lawns. But yes. Him.” There was an odd moment of companionable silence.

“It’s a bit weird that it happened to both of us at the same time, isn’t it?” Thorne smiled wryly. “What are the chances of that?”

“Slim to non-existent, I should think,” James smiled back at him. There was another moment of companionable silence. Pat still hadn’t come to release them, so James thought that he may as well try to continue the conversation. It was actually nice that they were talking rather than fighting for a change. “Did she give a reason for turning you down?”

Thorne pulled a face. “She said that I wasn’t serious relationship material! Can you believe that? Me! Not serious relationship material! I’ve only ever been in serious relationships! I’m either in a serious relationship or I’m chronically single. I wouldn’t know how to casually date if I tried!”

“Yes, well, he said that I wasn’t emotionally available, that I wasn’t comfortable with my sexuality. Presumably because I didn’t leer at him in the changing rooms and tried to be respectful at practice!” James was still annoyed about it. Emotionally unavailable? What else could possibly have given that impression?

“That is unbelievable! It’s not like Maddocks is so in tune with his emotions, is it? I didn’t even know that he was gay! At least you’re not emotionally constipated!” Thorne was vehement in his defence of James.

“Thank you!” It was exactly what James had been thinking. “I think she is pretty unbelievable too. You really don’t give off the impression of being a player or that you’re afraid of commitment. I’m not sure where she’s got this impression of you not being serious from.” James truly didn’t understand it. Thorne was nothing if not serious. About love and relationships, anyway.

“It’s bullshit, Captain. It’s all complete balderdash. It’s just excuses. I’d rather a straight-up refusal than be given a reason that is patently untrue,” Thorne was furious.

“If only we could prove them wrong, eh?” James smiled at Thorne weakly.

Thorne froze. James could practically see the gears turning in his head. “Oh, that’s it! Oh, that’s genius!”

James frowned. “What is?”

Thorne turned to him, excitement written all over his face. “We can prove them wrong! I need to show Isabelle that I’m capable of serious relationships, and you need to show Anthony that you’re emotionally available and comfortable with your sexuality. So we fake date! Each other, I mean. You know, we go to events together and things, make them really jealous. Then, when we’ve got them where we want them, we stage a break-up! We’ll have them eating out of our hands in no time!”

James was flabbergasted. “Please tell me that you’re joking right now?”

“Absolutely not! I’m serious, this could really work! Think about it! The fact that we both moved on so quickly, into something so serious, will dent their egos. That will make them interested. People never want anything half as much as something that’s off limits, especially when it’s something they already turned down. So we make ourselves unavailable and we flaunt our ‘relationship’ at every opportunity, while singing each other’s praises to make them want us more.” Thomas made little air quotes at the word relationship. “You and I know so much about each other already that it won’t be hard to make it look like we’re dating. We already spend most of our time together anyway, albeit that we’re usually with the others. But we’re not close friends, so it won’t be weird to cross boundaries or to return to normal after we ‘break up’. We can strategise at work. It’s foolproof!”

James thought about it. Amazingly, Thorne was right. The beauty of the plan was that it was so simple. It would work in both of their favours. It would make both Isabelle and Anthony realise that they were wrong. Thorne was serious relationship material. And James was emotionally available and in touch with his sexuality. What could possibly go wrong? If it had the added benefit of meaning that they could become friends during the process, then that could only be a positive thing. Especially for the sanity of the others, particularly Pat. James was aware that it wasn’t easy for them. He and Thorne could be awful around each other. It made it difficult to be in the same room as them sometimes. Today had proved that more than anything. Something needed to change in the way that they treated each other.

James found himself nodding in agreement. He had needed surprisingly little encouragement. Thorne had been incredibly persuasive. “Ok. I’m willing to try it. When can we start?”

Chapter Text

Friday 12th April

Pat let them out for lunch but told them to leave the shop and come back when they’d had their hour lunch break. He was still clearly furious. Thomas would have felt more guilty, especially as he really did owe a lot to Pat, but he was too excited at the prospect of plotting with the Captain to care too much about it just then. Pat seemed a bit surprised that they were behaving so calmly around each other, and was even more shocked when he saw that they had deep-cleaned and organised the office and staffroom kitchenette in an attempt to non-verbally apologise to him. He knew as well as they did that it was a two person job, requiring someone to stand on a chair being held still by the other. Teamwork had not historically been their strong point. At least, not with each other. Pat kept looking at them as if one of them would snap the fragile truce between them and he was trying to work out which one of them would blink first.

Thomas and the Captain had used their time while cleaning to vaguely plot out which events they might want company for to show off their ‘relationship’. James had the first cricket match of the season coming up in a few weeks, and Thomas had the ridiculous poetry recital night at the library that Pat had signed him up to long before he had met Isabelle. They figured that they could do the May Day Fête as well, if they could ascertain whether Isabelle and Anthony might be going. It was probably safe to assume that they were. The village events that Fanny organised were legendary, and this one was shaping up to be one of her best yet.

Thomas and James still had plenty to discuss. “Shall we go to Mary’s Café? We could get some food and discuss strategy?” Thomas suggested casually, his heart beating rapidly in his chest. The Captain smiled at him awkwardly, as if he wasn’t used to smiling at Thomas, and nodded. Thomas felt a warm, fuzzy feeling settle over him. Excitement at the plan, probably.

They walked over together, the weird companionable silence that had settled over them in the staffroom continuing. The Captain pulled the door to the café open. “After you, Thorne.”

Thomas frowned. “You should probably start calling me ‘Thomas’ in public, don’t you think? If this is going to work, I mean.”

The Captain whipped his head around to look at Thomas, startled. They made eye contact. Thomas was gripped by it. “Oh. Yes, um, of course. Sorry. You should probably call me ‘James’ as well, then.”

Thomas tilted his head, considering. “Huh. You just don’t seem like a ‘James’ to me. But you’re right.” It hadn’t occurred to him either. Thomas had been calling him ‘the Captain’ for so long, despite the others all using his first name, that he wasn’t sure he knew how to stop. It had all started out of pettiness, of course, fuelled by the Captain’s refusal to call him anything other than ‘Thorne’.

They were stood, staring at each other in the doorway, when someone approached behind them, heading into the café for their own caffeine fix. Thomas murmured his apologies and stepped closer to the Cap… James, so that the man could go in. He went inside and dropped into a seat opposite someone that Thomas vaguely recognised as one of James’ cricket friends.

Thomas was startled to see that James was beginning to go red. It was this that caused Thomas to be the first to break the eye contact. He looked back at the man who had just squeezed past them. He didn’t recognise him at all. Wait a minute. That man he was sat with, that was - “James, was that…?”

“Yes,” James hissed. Thomas grinned. This could work in their favour. He stepped closer still to James.

“Ok. We start now then. Ahead of schedule, but no matter. You’re going to get me a tuna sandwich and a caramel iced latte. And whatever you want, obviously. Insist on paying Mary today, rather than accepting them for free. You want to treat me. Tell Mary it’s an apology if you have to, but don’t let him hear that. Then, you’re going to come and join me. Do not look at him. Definitely do not make eye contact. You’re with me, you don’t even see him, got it?” James nodded, clearly more than a little relieved to have some orders to follow. Thomas reached out, and ran his finger lightly along the cut above James’ eyebrow. “I really am sorry for that,” he whispered.

James swallowed heavily. Thomas was close enough that he could have leaned forward and kissed James, if he had chosen to. Thomas shoved that thought out of his head (where the hell did that come from?) and turned back to the matter at hand. He squeezed James’ bicep and giggled loudly (which he noticed earned him a sideways glance from Anthony), before turning and heading into the depths of the café, waving at Kitty and Mary and blowing them a kiss each as he went past.

Thomas grabbed a table for two, consciously selecting one just on the edge of the range of Anthony’s earshot, and deliberately sat where he could see Anthony so that James would have his back to him. He glanced at Anthony as he sat down. He was handsome, but not stunningly so. Not like James. The facial scar did make him look very intriguing though. Maddocks was certainly punching far above his weight with him. Which Thomas wouldn’t have thought twice about had the man actually had a personality to speak of.

Thomas seized a napkin out of the holder on the table and absentmindedly started folding it into the shape of a swan as he watched James interact with Kitty and Mary. James joined him with their food, deliberately ignoring both Maddocks and Anthony. Thomas grinned in satisfaction. It was quite nice telling James what to do, and him actually doing it. He put the tray on top of the table and Thomas instantly cooed, far louder than was necessary so that it would be heard, “oh, James, thank you so much! You’re such a gentleman! Here, I made you this!” On a whim, Thomas presented him with the origami swan. He gazed up at him flirtatiously from underneath his lashes. Once the eye contact was re-established, neither of them looked away again. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Anthony squirm in his seat.

James sat down opposite him, looking genuinely quite touched about the swan. “Thank you, Thomas. That’s lovely.” He gave Thomas his sandwich and coffee, looking like he wanted to ask a question.

Thomas knew what he wanted to ask. He lowered his voice and leaned forwards across the table. “Yes, he’s seen you James. Don’t look at him, keep looking into my eyes. That’s it. Now lean forward, slowly, take my hand.” James did as he was told. Thomas leaned in even closer as well, resting his chin on his other hand and sighing longingly. Thomas didn’t break the eye contact. James was starting to look a little unnerved. Thomas squeezed his hand in a manner meant to be reassuring. James looked away then, and just stared at their joined hands, like he couldn’t believe that this was finally happening. Thomas had to applaud his acting skills, he genuinely looked like he was thrilled by the new step they had taken in their relationship. Even if it was slightly wasted by his back being to Anthony. “Now then, why don’t you tell me all about cricket. So that I understand what it is that I’m supposed to be watching when I go to see you play.” James was more than happy to oblige.

***

Sunday 14th April

Kitty had made an innocuous comment about having seen ‘that girl that you like’ running the previous Sunday to Thomas, so James found himself in the park with Thomas on Sunday morning after his own run. Thomas and James never worked weekends unless Pat needed them to supervise or cover the weekend staff, Alison and Obi, who used the weekdays to focus on their art and music, respectively. It was an arrangement that worked for all five of them.

James timed his run so that it would finish a few minutes before and in a location near to where he was due to meet Thomas. Thomas was sat waiting for him on a red tartan picnic blanket. While James was still in his running clothes, Thomas was dressed in jeans, trainers and one of his oversized band t-shirts. It was The Cure today. Thomas had takeaway coffees and a paper bag of leftover baked goods from Mary’s Café. Mary was always forcing Thomas to take the leftovers, far more than she did with any of the rest of them, Robin included. James suspected that it was because she thought that Thomas was too skinny. James had to agree, he was really, the kind of skinny that did encourage people to want to feed him. To take care of him.

“Hey, you,” Thomas grinned when he saw him, bouncing to his feet and pressing a quick kiss to James’ cheek. James felt his breath catch in his throat. What the bally hell does he think he’s doing? His cheek burned from the contact. It was probably caused by the embarrassment. “Isabelle is doing some stretches just over there,” Thomas whispered as he pulled away. Oh. James supposed that did made sense of it. James glanced in the direction that Thomas looked in, so that he could identify Isabelle. James appraised her out of the corner of his eye. She was extremely pretty, but she didn’t have the kind of charming charisma that made her beauty arresting. Not like Thomas.

James settled on the blanket with Thomas, sitting opposite him but so close that their knees brushed against each other. James watched as Isabelle watched them, clearly curious. Wanting to pay Thomas back for his flirtatious behaviour in front of Anthony, James suddenly reached forward, brushing an imaginary crumb off of his cheek, his thumb brushing close to his lip. Thomas’ eyes widened. “Is she watching?” James asked softly, leaning even closer, dropping the hand on Thomas’ cheek to his chin and placing his other hand on his mid-thigh.

Thomas’ eyes darted to the side. “Yes,” he breathed.

“Good,” James smirked, and then closed the distance between them to drop a soft, lingering kiss on the side of Thomas’ lips, where his thumb had just been. As he pulled back, James snuck a look at Isabelle. She was scowling furiously in their direction, her cheeks red. James didn’t pull back all of the way, but left his hands on Thomas’ knees as they stared at each other, pretending that nothing else in the world mattered.

Thomas touched his fingers to his face, his eyes wide, and giggled up at James, very realistically. He was looking at James as if he was the centre of his universe. He was scarily good at this.

***

Tuesday 16th April

Thomas swung by the GP in the morning on the way to work to pick up Daley’s inhaler prescription for Pat. The poor kid suffered really badly when his hay fever was up. Pat didn’t normally work Tuesdays as it was Scouts night, leaving James and Thomas unsupervised, but he was working that morning as he was having Sunday afternoon off. James would be covering for him.

As Thomas was waiting, he saw Francis, and heard one of his colleagues ask where he was taking the librarian on their date that evening. Thomas had practically sprinted to work.

He cornered James in the staffroom while he was making a mid-morning tea. “Giovanni’s’ tonight? Please tell me that you’re free. My treat!”

James didn’t look at him, but neither did he make Thomas explain. “Sure, I’m in the mood for Italian food tonight.” He quietly handed Thomas a mug of tea that was the exact colour that Thomas liked it, their fingers brushing together. Sparks flew through him, probably caused by the idea of intercepting Isabelle’s date, and Thomas was on cloud nine for the rest of the day.

They fussed about at work, lurking in the shop long after they should have locked up. Thomas suggested building a new surprise window display for Pat, partly to fill the time and partly as another apology for their bad behaviour. James, as allocated look out, faced the window, ready to tell Thomas when they needed to abandon ship and head to the restaurant across the road, next to Mary’s Café. By the time that Isabelle and Francis made an appearance, both men were starving and the window display was long since completed.

The waiter gave them the table over by one from Francis and Isabelle, but it was so quiet that they might as well have been sat right next to them. Isabelle was dressed yet again in a green dress. A very high proportion of her clothes seemed to be green, an odd similarity that she had with Thomas. Francis was wearing a suit that was surprisingly ill-fitting, as if he had lost lots of weight after buying it. James and Thomas, in their work t-shirts and jeans, looked very underdressed sat next to them. But in the end, it didn’t matter. The staff made it very plain whose date they thought was the more romantic.

Thomas and James hammed it up all night - splitting a starter, feeding each other food off of their plates, sharing a bottle of red wine, ordering two different desserts that they both liked the look of so that they could half them and try them both. They held hands across the table, their fingers twisting together. Their knees knocked together under the table until Thomas ran his foot up the inside of James’ calf, and they twined their legs together. There were, of course, no awkward pauses in the conversation as they talked about work and their friends, and James knew exactly what to say to make him throw his head back in laughter. Thomas was so engaged in the conversation that at times, he forgot about Isabelle and Francis entirely.

It was such an effective performance that the staff, thinking that they must be out for an anniversary dinner or some other special occasion, despite their casual dress, gave them cocktails on the house. When James protested that there was no special occasion, the staff told them that they deserved to celebrate their love without needing an excuse. The special treatment and attention that they received had both Isabelle and Francis looking furious. Albeit that Thomas hoped that they were angry for different reasons. Francis was just greedy and materialistic, and the idea of a free drink just for being so outwardly in love probably appealed to him as a weird form of status symbol. Thomas hoped that Isabelle’s jealousy was more towards James for being out on a date with Thomas.

As they stood up to leave, James pulled Thomas close, leaned in, and kissed him fully on the lips. Thomas felt a flutter in his stomach. It must have been because Isabelle was watching them, with murder in her eyes.

***

Thursday 18th April

Humphrey had called James to say that he wouldn’t be able to make cricket practice or movie night as something had come up on the farm that he and Robin needed to deal with as a matter of urgency. Something to do with Robin’s prize pig, but it hadn’t been clear.

James had repeated this to Thomas as soon as Pat disappeared into the stockroom to collect an order for a customer. James grumbled that he didn’t have his car, as he usually walked to work and Humphrey drove him to Fanny’s, and he wouldn’t be able to get to Button House after practice without it. There wouldn’t be time for him to walk home and get his car before movie night started either. Not that anyone would mind if he was late, but James knew that Thomas would understand what he was getting at.

Sure enough, Thomas had raised an eyebrow and smirked. “A perfect opportunity, no? I’ll pick you up and take you to movie night. It will drive Anthony crazy, not knowing where we’ve driven off to together. For all he knows, we could be shagging!” So vulgar. James had wanted to smack the smirk off of his face. But he was right. It was why James had waited for Pat to leave the room before saying anything so that Pat couldn’t volunteer to pick him up before Thomas could. And if Thomas had volunteered in front of Pat, that would have looked highly suspicious. They didn’t go out of their way to help each other out usually.

As he was waiting outside the clubhouse for Thomas, hoping that Thomas wouldn’t be late so that the effect was lost, Anthony left the building. He smiled at James, his handsome face lighting up, and he walked towards him as if he wanted to start a conversation. James, pretending that he hadn’t seen, turned away to face the road in the nick of time.

James watched in relief as Thomas’ old, shabby, dark green Fiat 500 pulled up and Thomas threw open the passenger door. “Hey, gorgeous,” he shouted. “Let’s go!” James threw his stuff in the back, leaned into the car and pulled Thomas towards him for a kiss. Then he climbed in, suggestively placed his hand on Thomas’ thigh and waited for Anthony to see it before slamming the door shut behind him.

James and Thomas laughed all the way to movie night. The joy that James felt could only be explained by the look on Anthony’s face as they had driven away.

***

Saturday 20th April

Thomas had been sitting at Kitty’s kitchen table, both wearing joggers and ratty band t-shirts (Blondie for him, The Spice Girls for Kitty), while they painted each other’s nails (green for him, pink for Kitty) when he had heard his phone go off. A text from James. “Cinema tonight? Anthony’s going with John and Nigel (not with Maddocks!). The latest action comedy. Pick you up at 7pm?” Thomas had smiled and pinged an affirmative back immediately.

“Who is texting you?” Kitty had asked, suspiciously. Her phone hadn’t gone off, so it wasn’t the group chat. Kitty knew full well that the only people who texted Thomas outside of the group chat were herself and Thomas’ mother. Or occasionally one of his two siblings. “You smiled at your phone like a 14 year old girl with a crush.”

Thomas had laughed and spent the rest of the afternoon distracting her from her question. He had got back to his cottage exactly ten minutes before James arrived to pick him up. He’d had just enough time to run inside and change into his best jeans, a dark green plaid shirt and his favourite Chelsea boots.

James got out of his car to open the door for him. He was wearing baggy jeans, a plain white t-shirt with a leather jacket on top, and his lace up boots. Thomas noted that James would really suit a different cut of jeans, that better accentuated his considerable assets. But the leather jacket was sexy as hell. “You painted your nails,” James commented.

Thomas rolled his eyes. It wasn’t like he and Kitty didn’t do this on a regular basis. But he and James hadn’t had a good fight in over a week, so he supposed that it had been inevitable at some point. “Green, to match your team colours. I hoped that they’d last ’til next weekend for the game. I can take it off, but Kitty will definitely ask why. I badgered her about needing it to be dark green for about an hour,” Thomas replied, defensively.

James looked startled, and then smiled shyly. “No, they look good! It’s a nice shade of green. And your favourite colour, so not suspicious I don’t think!” Thomas blushed. James knew his favourite colour. Thomas wasn’t sure when he had ever mentioned that in front of James, although Thomas supposed that it might have been obvious from his clothing choices. It flooded him with warmth that James had noticed. James could be so… disarming when he was nice.

Sure enough, Anthony was at the cinema with two of James’ cricket buddies, all wearing jeans and button-up shirt in varying shades of blue. Thomas knew them by sight but not by name. James waved with the hand that wasn’t holding Thomas’, but made no attempt to speak to any of them. James got popcorn and drinks, and paid for their tickets. As they waited outside the screen, the three cricket men within eyesight, James placed their haul on the floor at their feet and put his arms around Thomas’ waist. “Is this ok?”

Thomas smirked up at him, his hands resting lightly on James’ shoulders. “Want to make him really jealous?” he whispered. James nodded. “Ok, you’ll have to trust me.” James nodded again. Thomas threw his arms around James’ neck, pulling him closer and leaning back so that James was effectively pressing him against the wall. Then he kissed James, pushing his tongue into his mouth. James tightened his arms and pulled Thomas closer, deepening the kiss in a way that had Thomas’ pulse racing. He must have been acting instinctively.

The staff, evidently fearing what they would find at clean up after watching them make out like a pair of horny teenagers, asked them to behave during the screening as they unlocked the door to let in the small crowd waiting outside the screen. “We’ll try, but no promises!” Thomas winked cheekily, threading his arm through James’ and towing him towards the door.

Anthony’s lips pursed like he had swallowed some vinegar.

***

Monday 22nd April

By Monday, Pat had another box of donated books ready for the library. Technically, it was James’ turn, but Thomas volunteered to go with him so that they could walk. “It’s just such a nice day Pat!” he had cried, with a mischievous glint in his eyes as he surreptitiously winked at James. Pat had thought that this was an exceptional idea, as Thomas could check the arrangements for his recital on Wednesday while they were at the library.

They headed down the road together, James carrying the box and Thomas looking out for general road safety. The sun had made the afternoon golden and beautiful. The light made the gold flecks in Thomas’ eyes gleam, and his dark curls look richer in colour.

James caught Thomas staring at him as they waited to cross the road. “What?” he asked, self-consciously.

“I was just thinking, you look good when you wear t-shirts. Your chest, shoulders and arms are really quite muscular.” James was suddenly very flustered. “Your… athleticism should make Isabelle very jealous, you know.”

“Oh. Thanks.” James shook his head to get rid of the fog that was obviously gripping his brain. He had almost forgotten, there, in that moment, with Thomas shining beautifully in the sun, why they were even out here together. Thomas obviously hadn’t been hitting on him. It was all for show.

Thomas led the way into the library, ringing the bell for attention. James dropped the box onto the counter, then pinned Thomas between his arms as he leaned his hands on it. Thomas giggled and ran his fingers lightly across James’ chest, stepping closer to him and tilting his head back. James leaned in closer.

“Hey now, this is a family friendly space! None of that in here!” James looked over Thomas’ shoulder to see a librarian who was much older than Isabelle. Her name tag read ‘Agnes’. He thought that this might be Jeff’s wife, but he wasn’t sure. “What do you want?”

“Stunning customer service,” James muttered, feeling something oddly like disappointment lurch into his stomach. It must have been the missed opportunity to make Isabelle jealous that he is the one who gets to kiss Thomas. Thomas let out a bark of laughter and shoved his hands over his mouth, glancing up at James with eyes sparkling with mirth. James’ spine tingled. That wasn’t even contrived… Maybe they were starting to genuinely get on better, becoming friends through their strange arrangement. James thought that it might be quite nice to be friends with Thomas, actually. They certainly had a lot of fake fun together.

“Thomas is from Fit to Print,” Isabelle said, appearing in the door to the office, the skirt of her white dress swishing around her ankles, her arms folded across her chest. She looked tense, and was clearly very jealous.

“Oh, hey Isabelle. Have you met James?” Thomas wrapped an arm around his waist and stared up at him adoringly. As ever, James was stunned by Thomas’ ability to act as if this was all so natural. He really was an incredible actor.

“Hi. I’ve, uh, seen you around. You work together?” she replied, a hint of hope in her voice, taking in their matching t-shirts. She moved towards the desk, reaching for the box of books.

“Yeah we do. It’s how we met,” James replied, putting his arm over Thomas’ shoulders, pulling him close. Which was definitely for show, and wasn’t a possessive move at all. “We’ve been friends for years. Then one day, out of the blue, it was something more.” Thomas sighed happily and rested his head on James’ shoulder.

“Oh, that’s nice. Well, thanks for the books. I’ll just pop them in the office.” She grabbed them and moved away, a small frown on her face and her shoulders tight with tension.

Thomas turned to Agnes and smiled winningly. “So, about Wednesday…”

Chapter Text

Wednesday 24th April

Thomas spent the whole day of the poetry recital giddy with excitement. Even getting a text from Kitty telling him that she would no longer be able to make it to the recital because of a plumbing emergency in her flat did nothing to dampen his enthusiasm. Thomas knew that he wasn’t being delusional, Isabelle had actually reacted with jealousy to James. She had been furious that Thomas had dared to invade her workspace with his new relationship and shove it in her face. He had forced her to acknowledge him first before he spoke to her. And his casual acknowledgement of her after pretending that he hadn’t seen her at the park or the restaurant had driven her crazy.

Thomas was feeling extremely grateful to James. He had expected a bit more push back if he was being completely honest with himself, but James had thrown himself into their scheme with full commitment. Thomas felt that he and James might even be becoming friends, proper friends, not just people who happened to share the same seven best friends but who barely treated each other with civility. Not only were they nicer to each other at work, but they spoke outside of the shop every single day now, texting and calling and generally spending a lot of time in each other’s company. Thomas was shocked to find that James was actually extremely good company. He was intelligent and interesting, and he made Thomas laugh like no one else.

In the office, Pat slammed the phone down. He poked his head through the door to check that the shop was empty. It was. It was basically closing time. “Guys? Emergency staff meeting, now!” Pat yelled.

Thomas skipped over to the door, watched the clock tick to 6pm, locked it and flipped the sign to ‘Closed’. Then he joined James in the office, taking the seats next to each other rather than the furthest they could get apart. Pat raised an eyebrow.

“Would someone like to explain to me what’s going on?” They stared at him blankly. “Why am I getting complaints from Agnes at the library about two of my staff members not being able to keep their hands off of each other in a community space mid-afternoon on a school day?”

Busted. They hadn’t really thought about what they might tell their friends about their arrangement. They had completely forgotten that they would need to explain it at all, actually. Especially as Pat would be at the poetry recital tonight, and Humphrey would be at James’ cricket match on Saturday. And all of them would be at the May Day Fête. They had been quite lucky to get away with not telling them for as long as they had, really. Thomas exchanged a look with James. James nodded. “Ok, ok, you caught us.” Pat looked like he was about to explode with delight. “We’re faking that we’re dating.”

Pat deflated instantly. He looked as if someone had told him that he had won the lottery, but he had lost his winning ticket. “You what?”

“Look, I met someone. James met someone. They turned us down. They gave us reasons that were patently untrue. So we thought that we would team up to show them wrong. And it’s working,” Thomas explained.

“You’re… manipulating people to get them to date you? Together?” Pat was incredulous.

James winced. “Well, I wouldn’t put it like that. We’re just proving that Thomas is serious relationship material, and that I’m comfortable with my sexuality.”

“By snogging in the library?”

“Well, that’s where Isabelle works, so it’s kind of necessary that we do. Besides which, we didn’t even kiss yesterday. We didn’t need to. She’s seen us kiss before. Casual touching and flirtatious looks were intimate enough for what we were going for yesterday,” Thomas shrugged.

Pat just gaped at them. “She’s seen you… So you have been… I honestly cannot believe you two! What is wrong with you? I genuinely thought that you were getting on better after the fight that you had a couple of weeks ago. That maybe you were putting all of your nonsense behind you and actually becoming friends!”

“That fight happened because we both had pent up frustration at being rejected by people we care about for obviously incorrect reasons, Patrick. We have been getting on better since then, and I think we are becoming friends. We understand each other a lot better now that we are spending most of our time together,” James stated. Thomas nodded in agreement, and reached over to squeeze James’ hand.

Pat stared at their joined hands, and then looked at them like they had gone mad. “I don’t think that scheming together counts as spending time together!” he cried. As usual, his Yorkshire accent got thicker when he was upset.

“Why not? It does when Fanny and Julian plot!” Thomas pointed out.

“They plot for the betterment of the village, not for some silly revenge scheme!”

“We don’t want revenge!” they protested in unison.

Pat took a deep breath. “So when you arrived at Button House together the other night for movie night? That was part of all of this?”

“Thomas collected me from cricket practice so that we could show off to Anthony,” James shrugged. “The point was that he didn’t know where we were going, or what we were going to do when we got there.”

Pat gaped at him. “I don’t get how you’re both so nonchalant about this! This isn’t normal behaviour! But I guess I can’t stop you from snogging in public if you want to. Just cool it on the scheming during work hours, will you?” Pat asked, exasperated.

“Sure! Anything for you, Pat. Unless you count tonight as a work event. Because this was pre-arranged. We couldn’t not do tonight now, it would look really strange. Oh and strap in. It’s about to get flirty,” Thomas grinned. James rolled his eyes fondly and laughed.

“What? No, why tonight?” Pat sounded upset.

“Because Isabelle will be there,” came the reply, both in unison again. Pat tried desperately to dissuade them. He failed.

“Ready?” James asked Thomas, standing up and holding his hand out.

Thomas took it. “Absolutely!” Pat looked stunned, completely frozen in shock. Laughing, they left him in their wake as they collected their belongings and headed out of the back door. None of the three men changed out of their work shirts and jeans. Even Pat had enough business sense to know that wearing their branded t-shirts at a literary event was a good way of engaging in subtle marketing. Neither Thomas nor James had pointed out that good business for them was bad business for the library, and this was meant to be another fundraiser to try to raise enough funds to keep the library open.

James and Thomas walked hand in hand all the way to the library, just in case, as they always did when out together in public since they had made the agreement. Pat was getting more and more tight-lipped in annoyance. As soon as they entered the library, Thomas spotted Isabelle, lurking by the poetry lectern. Instead of heading over there, Thomas snagged a glass of wine each for himself and for James, and passed a bottle of beer to Pat. They deliberately stayed near to the refreshments table. Thomas clinked his wine glass against James’ and wrapped his arm around his waist. James dropped a kiss onto his forehead as he placed his arm over Thomas’ shoulders. Pat looked like he was going to have a heart attack. Or a panic attack. Or possibly both, simultaneously.

“Thomas! There you are! Ready for your recital?” Isabelle approached, looking beautiful in yet another green dress that highlighted her eyes and made her hair look more red. “Oh, hello. Jack isn’t it?” The smile fell off of her face completely as she turned to James.

“James,” he corrected softly, smiling gently. She grimaced and Thomas suddenly knew that she hadn’t forgotten. She had done that on purpose. James squeezed his shoulders and Thomas knew that James had noted it too.

“Oh, yes. That’s right. And you must be the elusive Pat,” Isabelle turned to him, the smile back on her face but more strained. It didn’t reach her eyes. Pat greeted her cheerfully, his eyes flicking back to Thomas and James in his confusion and annoyance.

Isabelle told Thomas that she’d help him set up, so he took his well-thumbed volume of poetry, the appropriate pages marked up with post-its, out of his rucksack and handed his bag to James. James kissed him before he followed her to the lectern. “Good luck, gorgeous. Not that you’ll need it.” Thomas felt a rush of warmth flood through him. For a moment, he genuinely believed that James cared for him, that he was confident in his abilities as a poet and a performer. Which was nonsense, because James hated poetry. Pat started making a funny choking noise, so James patted him on the back like it was a cough.

As the audience started to assemble, Thomas felt the old performance nerves jolting through his system, and started to panic because Kitty wasn’t there to calm him down. Instead, Thomas' eyes found James, and he smiled apprehensively. James grinned back, blowing him a kiss, clearly for Isabelle’s benefit. But it made Thomas feel better, more grounded. Nothing could go wrong if James was there. James wouldn’t let it.

Thomas lost himself in the recital, throwing himself into the emotion and rhythm of the poetry he was reciting. He let himself embody the feelings; the highs, the lows, the joy and the turmoil. He didn’t let himself focus on anything other than the words until he was finished. The words and a pair of blue, stormy eyes surrounded by laughter lines…

When he was finished he received an enthusiastic round of applause from the crowd, and Thomas allowed himself to feel a bit dejected. He had, of course, not been reciting his own poetry. For if he had, that would not have been the response that he received. No one seemed to understand his own compositions, and it was a source of enduring pain and embarrassment for Thomas as well as a seed of discord between himself and his father. Thomas’ inability to produce poetry that people were actually interested in had led to him having to slink home with his tail between his legs, away from the life he had been trying to establish for himself in London. He was a failure, and everyone knew it.

Thomas only felt it for a moment, and then James was there, spinning him around in the air so fast that it make him squeal with laughter until he was short of breath. Thomas didn’t know how James was able to make his eyes shine with pride like that, as Thomas had thought that would be quite a difficult emotion to fake. But James was managing it. When James finally released him, Pat clapped him on the shoulder, and Isabelle grabbed his hand.

“You were fantastic!” she breathed, her pale green eyes sparkling. “You really understand poetry!”

“Thank you, Isabelle. That’s very kind of you to say,” Thomas smiled, his arm back around James and his wine glass back in his hand.

James continued to play his part to perfection. He raised his glass, just to the four of them. “To Thomas. A fantastic performer, and an even better poet!” Pat enthusiastically raised his beer in toast and the three of them clinked their glasses together, laughing.

Isabelle smiled regretfully at Thomas, and sadly at James. Thomas felt his heart skip a beat as he relaxed into James’ side. Their scheme was working. Everything was going according to plan.

***

Saturday 27th April

Finally, the day of the first cricket match had arrived. The team had to win this to start their bid to remain in the league with a bang. They wanted to announce their presence this year, to stamp down their authority as the team to beat rather than languishing at the bottom of the table. No one wanted to be relegated.

James swung by Thomas’ cottage to pick him up. Thomas was sat on the doorstep waiting for him to arrive, and ran down the garden path to James’ SUV as soon as he pulled up. Thomas was in the car before James could get out to open the door for him. Thomas was wearing a David Bowie t-shirt, double denim, his favourite Chelsea boots and his aviators, breathtakingly casual for a look that James knew that Thomas would have spent hours agonising over. The green nail polish had lasted, his little nod to James’ team colours.

“Good morning!” Thomas greeted James with a smile and a quick hug. “Ready for today?”

“As ready as I’ll ever be,” James told him as he drove away.

Thomas reached over to squeeze his hand reassuringly. “Relax, James. We’ve been over the plan. Trust me, it will work. And I promise, if we see not a single spark of jealousy, we’ll stop here. You won’t owe me anything more with Isabelle.” 

James nodded, and looked at Thomas. “Let’s hope it works.”

“It will. It’s already working. And you’ll play brilliantly today as well. You’ll see!” James wished that he could share Thomas’ level of confidence. His self-assuredness bordered on cocky sometimes, and James had only ever seen it as one of his negative qualities before. He had never noticed that it could be quite so comforting when Thomas was expressing his confidence in another person.

They arrived at the cricket ground, and James immediately crossed to open Thomas’ door, as he would if they were really dating. Thomas took his hand, intertwining their fingers, rubbing his thumb across James’ wrist soothingly. It made James feel a bit more grounded, a bit more relaxed. James saw Anthony’s car pull up beside his, so he pulled Thomas forward slightly, and they walked directly in front of him, hand in hand, towards the clubhouse. This was where they parted, Thomas to go around the back to the stands, James to the changing room.

Thomas stepped closer to him, tilting his head up to stare into his eyes. “Has he come around the corner?” James nodded. Thomas pressed his lips to James’ mouth, a lingering peck, nothing more. “Go get ‘em tiger,” he said, louder, and smacked James’ arse as he turned to go in to the clubhouse. James whipped around, about to admonish him for going too far, when he saw Anthony staring at him, surprise written all over his face. James instead schooled his expression into one of fondness, sending a look after Thomas that he hoped read as ‘I don’t want to leave you even for a second’. He went to go and get ready for the match.

“James, did you know that Thomas is here?” Humphrey burst into the changing room and called to him as soon as he saw that he was in his usual spot.

“Yes. I invited him,” James responded calmly, noting that Anthony was in the room. James had not accounted for Humphrey as a complicating factor. Humphrey was going to be harder to work around than Pat. He didn’t have any of Pat’s people-pleasing nature, and he was very overprotective of James. Especially since Adam. James should probably have given him some forewarning. In the glow of the success of the poetry recital, he had completely forgotten to do so.

“You did what? You… what?” Humphrey spluttered, confused. Anthony left the room, heading in the direction of the toilets.

James grabbed Humphrey and hissed at him. “Be cool. Some things will happen today that won’t make a lot of sense to you. But I am begging you to act naturally. Please.” Humphrey’s face screwed up in confusion. “You don’t have to understand right now, Humph. You just have to trust me and not be a dick. I will explain everything later, I promise.” James finished getting ready, and turned to gather the troops to give them a pep talk. They ran over the batting order and the bowling tactics one more time, and then they were ready. 

The game went exactly to plan. James won the coin toss and chose to bat second, preferring to chase a total of runs rather than set one. Their fielding was on point, and James caught two of the other team’s batsmen out himself. Thomas went wild both times, wolf-whistling and cheering. His enthusiasm encouraged the rest of the small crowd to cheer, which spurred on the players. Soon, the other side were all out, and the chase was on. James stepped up to the crease, Anthony at the other end of the pitch to him, as the first and second batsmen on their running list. James heard Thomas going crazy in the crowd and grinned despite himself. He had always performed better with an audience. It was why his performance had dipped so much since he and Adam had broken up for the last time. James kept smacking six after six, sending the balls beyond the boundary like it was effortless. Soon, he had reached a century. It was his first in seven matches.

They won. Almost too easily in the end. They had outclassed and outplayed the other team in every conceivable way. Thomas came running across the field and threw himself into James’ arms. He wrapped his arms around James’ neck, his legs around his waist. James only had time to briefly think about how light Thomas was, before Thomas kissed him, forcing his tongue into his mouth. Thomas tasted of the familiar strawberry and mint flavour of Pimm's. He’d found the concession stand then.

James froze for a millisecond, his head still on the match, before remembering why Thomas was doing this. He kissed him back enthusiastically, dropping his bat and helmet onto the floor to put his hands under Thomas’ bottom and support his weight. That would show Anthony that he wasn’t emotionally unavailable. I’m very in touch with my sexuality, thank you.

Thomas broke away, and James placed him on the ground, leaving an arm tightly wrapped around his waist. Thomas curled his body into James’ side, sliding his aviators up onto his head and wrapping both arms around him. James snuck a look at Anthony. He didn’t think he was fooling himself to see a hint of jealousy flash across his perfect features.

Anthony came over, his expression hungry for information. “Good match, James. You played really well!”

“Didn’t he!” Thomas purred, before James could get a word in edgeways. He tightened his arms around James and brushed his lips against his cheek. James couldn’t have stopped the grin from spreading across his face even if he had wanted to.

“Oh, Anthony, have you met my boyfriend, Thomas?” James asked, casually. Anthony recoiled like he had been slapped. He obviously hadn’t expected James to be introducing someone as if they were in a serious relationship so soon after his appalling attempt to ask Anthony out. Although James had to wonder what on earth Anthony thought he and Thomas had been doing over the past couple of weeks. James found it difficult to be open with his emotions, and certainly would not be behaving in the way he had been had he been having a fling with someone.

Thomas played his part like a natural. “Hi,” he smiled broadly and held his hand out. “So nice to meet you!” Anthony shook his hand. Thomas turned back to James before Anthony could say anything. “All of your cricket friends are so handsome. I should have been coming to watch you and Humph play for ages!”

James laughed. “If you think that they’re all handsome, I can’t say that I’m sorry that you’ve not come before, sweetheart. Someone else might have snatched you up by the time I realised how I felt about you.”

Thomas landed the killer blow. “Oh definitely not. You’re by far the most handsome one here, darling. I would always have picked you.” James lifted Thomas’ face towards him by his chin, kissing him again. When they broke apart, Anthony had wandered off, an irritated expression on his face. Thomas winked at James. Success on the first proper attempt. James felt dizzy with it.

Humphrey broke away from a conversation with Maddocks that he had been trapped in since the end of the game. “What the fuck is going on?” he hissed, shoving James’ bat and helmet back into his spare hand.

“Oh, calm down Humph, don’t get your knickers in a twist,” Thomas rolled his eyes and continued to cling to James, keeping an eye on whether Anthony was watching them or not. “Everything will make sense. We’re just helping each other out, aren’t we James?”

“Absolutely!” James saw Anthony glance at them again, so he buried his nose into Thomas’ curls, lightly kissing the top of his head.

“Will you stop? You two are freaking me out!” Humphrey was doing his best to keep a straight face, but the mask was slipping a little bit.

Thomas laughed like he had said something funny, and playfully punched their friend on the arm. But it wasn’t playful. “Humphrey Bone, you will not ruin this for James. Keep your mouth shut. I know where you live, I know all your favourite haunts, I know your bloody routine like the back of my hand. I can make your life hell. Now act like you’re happy for us as a good friend would be or, I swear to god, I will tell Fanny that it was you that broke the blue vase at the last movie night.”

“You wouldn’t dare!” Humphrey was shocked.

“Oh, I would!” Thomas’ eyes gleamed dangerously.

“He absolutely would,” James confirmed, before Jeff, John and Nigel descended on the trio, congratulating James on an excellent game, as a batsman and as a Captain. When James introduced Thomas to them as his boyfriend, Humphrey genuinely looked like his head was about to fall off. James then repeated that Thomas was his boyfriend to Barclay, and Humphrey went purple with the effort of choking back the words that evidently wanted to explode out of his mouth. James knew that this would be all around the group chat in about ten seconds flat, as Humphrey had none of Pat’s discretion when it came to gossip, but he was enjoying the look of jealousy on Anthony’s face and the victory in Thomas’ smiles a bit too much to care.

Chapter Text

Saturday 4th May

It was finally the day of the village May Day Fête. Everyone was going to be there, and Thomas was exceptionally nervous. Humphrey had ratted them out immediately after James’ cricket match. Once someone else had brought it up in conversation so that he didn’t have to, Pat had jumped on it. Thursday’s movie night had not ended in the group watching a film together. It had instead descended into the other seven berating Thomas and James about their ‘insane’ and ‘manipulative’ plan. Kitty had asked several times if they were sure that it was not real, and hadn’t seemed to grasp at all the concept of a fake relationship no matter how Thomas explained it. It had all been very overwhelming.

The argument had lasted until James, bored of it and getting increasingly more annoyed at their friends, had grabbed Thomas’ hand and towed him out of Button House towards Thomas’ car. This had not helped with trying to persuade Kitty that they weren’t really together. Thomas had driven them away, into the countryside, until they had found a place to park. They had sat side by side next to a lake in the dark, looking at the stars for hours. It had been really peaceful, just the two of them. James had picked up some knowledge from Robin over the years, and was able to point out different constellations to Thomas, leaning in close and guiding Thomas’ chin to where he should be looking. If it had been anyone else, Thomas would have described it as romantic. As it was James, it couldn’t possibly have been.

Thomas was not looking forward to further judgement from their friends. They just didn’t understand. Thomas had naively thought that they would all just be grateful that he and James could now be in the same room without fighting. Apparently, that was too much to ask. They were not happy at all at Thomas and James’ insistence that they would spend the day of the fête together, without the others. When Kitty had started crying, they had been forced to concede lunch and maypole dancing just to get her to stop.

Thomas fidgeted impatiently, looking around for James. He knew that they had agreed to meet here, and Thomas was on time, so where was he? James wouldn’t be standing Thomas up. He wouldn’t do that. Especially not to Thomas. Thomas scuffed the toe of his boot into the ground as he fidgeted.

“Hey, Tom. Here,” James appeared behind him, making Thomas jump. His heart beat a little faster. It must have been the scare, not James using the shortened version of his name for the first time ever. James thrust an iced coffee at him. Thomas gratefully took it, taking a big sip and feeling the caramel flavour hit his tastebuds. He hummed in delight.

“Thank you, James. I know it hurts you to get these for me,” Thomas grinned up at James. James looked really good, dressed in a khaki green polo shirt, black jeans that fit much better than his baggy blue ones, and his lace-up boots. He had his leather jacket over the top, despite the warm weather, and a pair of aviators perched on his silver hair, which had been meticulously styled. He grinned down at Thomas, who felt his heart lurch in his chest. That was odd. It must have been leftover anxiety from waiting for James to turn up. Thomas’ mouth was really dry, so he took another sip of his coffee. He must have been thirsty.

“It really does, you know. But one of these days you’ll grow up, and learn to drink real coffee instead of something that’s 90% sugar!” It was said without any bite whatsoever. Instead of being a dig, it was now a teasing inside joke.

Thomas smiled. “Shall we head in? I haven’t seen either Isabelle or Anthony while I’ve been waiting, so I’m not sure where to start.”

James grimaced. “Look, why don’t we just enjoy the fête as if it was a real date? As in, we’ll just hang out and have fun together, doing whatever we feel like doing rather than actively looking for them. That way, we’ll be ready whenever we do bump into them.”

“Sounds good!” Thomas was quite relieved at the thought of it just being the two of them having fun, rather than going in with a game plan. They did have a lot of fun together. Thomas took James’ outstretched hand and automatically twisted their fingers together. It was amazing how natural this felt after a solid three weeks of holding hands in public.

The fête was laid out in different parts. There was a carnival with rides and games, a traditional village fair with canvas booths for local businesses to sell things, a maypole, a children’s play area complete with a bouncy castle, and a large picnic area surrounded by food trucks.

James led him straight to the carnival section, through the stalls where you could win gigantic teddy bears by playing the silly rigged games. Thomas sipped his coffee as James considered a shooting arcade where you had to knock down a certain number of people-shaped targets to win, looking almost longingly at the rifle.

“Do you want a turn, sir? Want to win a bear for your pretty boyfriend?” the attendant called. His gaze was focussed on their joined hands, and he had a smile like a shark sensing blood. Thomas laughed and pulled on James’ hand to lead him away, but James dug his heels in.

“Imagine how it would look, you carrying one of those bears around. Tom, I’m going to win you a bear!” James sounded so determined. Thomas flushed. No one had ever even offered to try to win him a prize at a fair before. James let go of Thomas’ hand and passed him his coffee, paid the attendant and lifted the rifle. It was a disaster. He didn’t hit a single target. James swore.

“Oh, dear! Better luck next time, sir!” the attendant crowed, his words disingenuous and his smile becoming more vicious. Thomas watched James’ shoulders tighten and his jaw lock. Crap. That was not good. He only ever made that face before he exploded in anger. Thomas would know. He had seen it directed at him enough times.

“James, I really don’t need one! It’s completely fine!” Thomas tried to drag James away again. He didn’t want James to be upset or annoyed. He didn’t want this to ruin their day together. James ignored him, ground his teeth, paid the attendant again, and had a second turn. The attendant didn’t see the way that James analysed each shot, the pull of the rifle, every move of the targets. Thomas wondered if he would have noticed a few short weeks ago, before getting to know James better. This attendant, who thought that he was fleecing James, was about to be stitched up. James once again didn’t hit a single target, but Thomas knew better than to say anything. 

The attendant did not know better. “Oh, no! Are you sure that you don’t need glasses, sir? Either that, or you have exceptionally bad luck! Maybe you just don’t want to win your boyfriend a bear!” James practically snarled as he handed the attendant the payment for a third turn. Thomas knew that James wouldn’t need another.

Thomas noticed Anthony in the crowd, walking in the direction of the stall with Maddocks once more by his side. Thomas was struck by how much Maddocks looked like a low-budget version of James. He was shorter, stockier, less visually striking, but the resemblance was definitely there. Thomas smirked at how much of an idiot Anthony was. They weren’t holding hands or anything, but it was obvious from Maddocks’ body language at least that it was a date. It was time for a show. Thomas stepped closer to James and kissed his cheek. “I believe in you, darling.”

James grinned, lifted the rifle back up and let fire. Thomas watched, a thrill in his stomach and a shiver down his spine. It was quite scary, really. James was shockingly accurate with a gun, once he had worked out how it had been rigged to allow the stall to cheat. Not only did he hit every single target, but he hit them where the vital organs would be, the heart and the brain, knocking them over easily. Thomas suddenly wondered why it was that James had never seen active service, and had been confined to a desk throughout his Army career. It certainly wasn’t because he couldn’t handle a weapon.

Thomas smirked at the attendant’s shock, all traces of his vicious smugness wiped away by James’ ruthless efficiency. “You did insist on winding him up. James was in the military, he knows his way around a gun,” Thomas told the attendant, proudly. James, flushed with satisfaction at his win, took back his coffee and claimed a kiss from Thomas as a victory prize.

“We’ll have the dark brown bear, please. It’s the same colour as Tom’s hair,” James told the sputtering attendant politely, before kissing Thomas again. “Oh, hello, Anthony, Gabriel.” He sounded genuinely surprised to see them, almost as if he hadn’t realised that they were there. But he had to have known, otherwise he wouldn’t have been kissing Thomas.

The attendant, now sulking at having been conned rather than being the one to do the swindling, passed Thomas the bear. It was ridiculously huge, almost the same size as Thomas. Thomas clutched it tight, instantly in love with it. He turned to James, genuine gratitude written all over his face. “This is the nicest thing that anyone has ever done for me. Thank you, James!” He went to kiss him on the cheek, to express his appreciation for his newly-found friend, not to show off to Anthony, but James turned his head. Thomas’ lips connected with James’. For a second, everything else disappeared. It was just Thomas, James and the bear, as Thomas and James kissed in the middle of the carnival. For just a second, Thomas forgot about Anthony, he forgot about Isabelle, he forgot the plan. He forgot the reason that he was here, being kissed by James. He allowed himself to forget that it wasn’t real.

***

James allowed the feeling of utter contentment to wash over him. So far, it had been a completely lovely and enjoyable day. Better than any date he had ever been on. He had won Thomas that stupid bear, and the look of sheer delight on his face had made it so worth it. Well, Thomas’ delight and the fact that James had wiped the arrogant smirk off of the stall attendant’s face. James and Thomas had wandered around the carnival hand in hand, with the giant bear in tow, laughing about everything. Thomas had insisted that they drag the bear on the ferris wheel with them, and he had excitedly pointed out his cottage to it when they got to the top. It had made James snort with laughter.

Afterwards, they had meandered into the village fair ground, away from the rides and games of the carnival. James had spent an obscene amount of money at the Scouts car boot sale on some antique propaganda posters from the Second World War, earning a smile from Pat, who was there in his uniform, working the morning shift. Daley, still too young to be a Scout but there with his father, had roared in excitement when he saw Thomas’ bear, and Thomas had spent a good ten minutes chasing the lad with it. Pat had caught James smiling fondly at Thomas, and had given him a funny look that James could not discern the meaning of.

Thomas had insisted that they watch the morris dancing because it was ‘traditional’, but had howled with laughter alongside James at the sight of Barclay in that ridiculous costume. He had shoved his bear into James’ arms so that he could dance the maypole with Kitty, Mary and Fanny, all four of them laughing away as they weaved in time to the folksy music. They had split a portion of freshly fried doughnuts and slurped on some disgusting slushy ice drinks that Thomas had forced him to try.

They had bumped into both Anthony and Isabelle multiple times. James didn’t even have to fake the smiles and happiness to show off to them with. Neither did Thomas, who was radiating joy. They didn’t stay for long with either of them, heading off for the next activity on their fête agenda. James was enjoying spending time with Thomas. He was starting to understand why their friends had accepted Thomas into the group. He was loud, and melodramatic, and childish, it was true. But he was also witty, and intelligent, and a great deal of fun. He had an undeniable enthusiasm and zest for life. It was contagious.

James was now sat on a blanket on the grass in the picnic field, basking in the sun and sipping on a cider. Thomas was sat in between his legs, his back resting on James’ chest, the stupid bear perched next to him. Their friends surrounded them (minus Pat who was still on Scout Master duties), shooting them bemused looks every now and then at the casual display of intimacy. James supposed that he should be grateful that they were all holding their tongues, which looked easier for some of them (Robin) than it did for others (Fanny).

James could see Isabelle a few blankets away, sat with some friends of hers, wearing yet another of her green dresses and looking beautiful in the spring sunshine. Francis had approached her not ten minutes ago, and they’d had a brief conversation. She hadn’t invited Francis to sit with them. Nor had she taken her eyes off of Thomas. James couldn’t blame her. Thomas was gorgeous. He was wearing his Nirvana t-shirt today, and he certainly looked grungy enough in his oversized red plaid over shirt, his acid-washed grey jeans, and his scuffed Doc Martens, his curly hair flopping into his eyes.

James knew that Anthony was somewhere to the other side, sitting with a group of the cricket lads and their partners. Anthony was looking particularly handsome. James was starting to think that the man only owned blue button downs for outside of work or cricket. He had never seen him wearing anything else. When James and Thomas had approached the picnic area, Thomas had left him with the bear and ran to Kitty to help her with the food that she had collected from Fanny’s van for them. Anthony had taken the opportunity of Thomas not being by his side to call out to him and ask James if he wanted to join the cricket guys for a drink.

Jeff had snorted. “Are you kidding? That’s the Button House lot over there. James will be on his way over to them. You watch, it’s where his pretty fella will go.” James had raised his eyebrows. He hadn’t known that people referred to the group as ‘the Button House lot’. That would make his friends laugh. He had supposed that they must have some kind of reputation. They did do everything together, and it was rare to spot one of them on their own. Fanny and Julian practically ruled the village, with Fanny being the one-woman entertainment committee and running all of her community projects, and Julian acting as their elected local councillor. Button House, Bone Farm, Fit to Print and Mary’s Café were all village institutions. Pat ran the Scouts. Mary and Humphrey made all of the costumes and scenery for the Christmas pantomime respectively, and Robin did the lighting. Kitty and Thomas ran that outreach programme at the village school to help children learn to read. Robin had his pet ambulance service, which he was always on call for. And, of course, James was Captain of the cricket team, with Humphrey as his second in command and Welfare Officer. James supposed the nine of them were pretty omnipresent in village life.

Sure enough, Thomas and Kitty had gone to join Mary, Robin, Humphrey, Julian and Fanny. Robin had yelled across to James that he was going to miss out on all of the best snacks as Fanny and Kitty busied themselves with ripping open packets and setting out their haul. Mary had lifted up a container to show him some freshly baked flapjacks, his favourites, before smacking Julian’s hand away from them. Thomas had smiled and beckoned to James, patting the space on the blanket next to him. James had grinned back at Thomas, shifting the bear from one arm to the other. “Sorry, Anthony. Maybe some other time.” Apparently, according to Thomas, Anthony hadn’t stopped glaring since.

By the time Pat and Daley joined them, the snacks were thin on the ground. Pat grumbled about them not thinking of him and Daley, with Fanny protesting that there had definitely been enough food for everyone. Pat was about to go and get something from one of the food trucks, when Thomas told Daley to check the bear. Daley lifted one gigantic paw, and found a treasure trove of things that Thomas had squirrelled away for them. “Thank you Uncle Tom!” Daley squealed in delight and threw himself into Thomas’ arms for a hug, managing to smack James in the ribs as he did so. James had never realised that Thomas was so good with Daley. He’d never really taken the time to look. Daley clearly adored him. It was no wonder that Thomas was asked to babysit him on such a regular basis, far more often than any of the others. It was probably a good thing for Isabelle to see. And she was certainly looking over in their direction often enough to have spotted it.

“Uncle James?” Daley was looking at him, a very serious expression on his little face. “Do you love Uncle Thomas now?” Pat spat out a swig of the beer that he was drinking before shooting a glare in their direction. James could read that look. He was furious that Daley had been dragged into their shenanigans.

“Oh, no, honey. He doesn’t love me. We’re just very good friends,” Thomas leaned forwards and ruffled Daley’s hair. “Sometimes adults do things that don’t make a lot of sense, Daley. This is one of those things. And I promise, as soon as you’re old enough, I’ll explain, ok?” Thomas held out his little finger. Daley nodded and grasped Thomas’ pinkie with his own, apparently taking this as a solemn vow.

Thomas settled back down on James’ chest. James wrapped an arm around him and kissed his temple as Thomas snuggled in. Pat shot him another glare that clearly read as ‘not helping!’. James hadn’t even realised that he had done anything. Touching and kissing Thomas was almost becoming second-nature to him.

A short while later, Fanny and Julian buggered off in search of something sweet, and came back with a frankly ridiculous amount of strawberries and cream, and a huge pitcher of Pimm's. Thomas instantly reached for the Pimm's, of which he was inordinately fond.

“Could you pass me a strawberry please, sweetheart?” James asked before Thomas could settle back down again, the term of endearment dropping out of his mouth before he realised what he was saying. The others stared at him, astonished. Anthony and Isabelle weren’t even within earshot. Thomas didn’t even flinch, he barely seemed to register it. He just selected a strawberry, dunked it into the cream, and turned to feed it to James. James leaned forward and ate it from his fingers without thinking. A drop of cream dripped onto his bottom lip and, also without thinking, Thomas swiped a finger through it and licked it off. All the while, they were staring into each other’s eyes.

Julian let out a horrified little laugh. “My god. I wonder if it would be this hot if they were actually dating?”

***

The best part of the village events, in Thomas and Kitty’s totally unbiased opinions, were the dances that happened in the evenings afterwards. They were strictly 18+ after 10pm, and always a huge amount of fun. Thomas would normally stay and help Fanny set up the village hall for the dance after the daytime event, but on this occasion he left with Pat, who was taking Daley home before returning to the fun, so that he could drop his gigantic bear at home. Pat also wanted to change out of his Scouts uniform before the dance.

“See ya soon, kid,” Thomas hugged Daley goodbye before Daley tugged his father up the path to Carol’s house. Carol waved at Thomas. God, she’s so hateful. Luckily, his phone went off as he received a text message so that he could pretend that he hadn’t seen her greeting and wouldn’t be forced to return it.

It was from James. “Did you know that Fanny has Obi doing the music tonight?” That was typical of Fanny. Fanny organised all of the village events - the Halloween Party, Bonfire Night, Remembrance Day, Santa’s Grotto and the Christmas Cracker Bash, New Year’s Eve, the Valentine’s Day Ball, the Easter Egg Hunt, the May Day Fête, the Midsummer Party, the August Barbecue and the Harvest Festival. Obi and Alison were adjacent to the group by virtue of working for Pat, so they, along with Alison’s boyfriend Mike, often got dragged into the planning and organising of Fanny’s events. Fanny notoriously hated sorting the music, claiming that anything other than classical music was too distasteful to her ears for her to have opinions. She often left it to the last minute, and asked Thomas, Kitty, Alison, Obi or Mike to sort it, on the basis that they were younger and so more in tune with what was popular. She also seemed to equate Obi being a musician with him having good taste in music. Which was not the case, Obi was into a lot of obscure stuff.

Thomas smiled and texted a quick response. “There should be loads of that ‘modern crap’ you love so much then!” James and Fanny had a worryingly similar approach to music. Anything after the Beatles was too modern for James. ABBA and Kylie Minogue excluded, of course.

“Urgh. Tom, get back here! Kitty is giving him loads of suggestions, and I don’t know enough to be able to tell if they’re good or not! Aside from the ABBA, obviously x” Thomas gasped. Had James intentionally put a kiss on the end of that message or was it a typo? The lack of punctuation made it hard to tell.

“Don’t worry. Your knight in shining armour will be back asap! x” Thomas wrote, and waited, staring at his phone impatiently.

“Ready to go?” Pat asked.

Thomas jumped. He hadn’t noticed Pat get back to the car. He had changed at Carol’s out of his uniform and into jean shorts and a plain black t-shirt. “Absolutely. James needs rescuing from Kitty and Obi’s bad music decisions before Fanny blames him for the entire playlist!” Thomas waved his phone at Pat.

“Oh, so you text now as well, do you? And how is that helping with Isabelle and Anthony, exactly?” Pat asked sarcastically.

Thomas opened his mouth to respond but was distracted by his phone going off again. “You can’t get back here soon enough! xx”. Thomas was unaware of the giddy smile spreading its way over his face. He was equally unaware of Pat’s knowing, if slightly exasperated, expression as he clocked the look on Thomas’ face.

When they arrived back at the village hall, Thomas practically sprinted to over to James. He was standing with Kitty and Obi in front of Fanny’s iPad, which was open to Spotify. “I’m here, I’m back!”

“Oh thank god,” James hugged him tightly. “Thank you for rescuing me. I have no doubt that this needs to be fixed.” He gestured at the iPad. Thomas left an arm around James’ waist as he scrolled through the playlist with his spare hand, thoughtfully. He removed about 25 songs, patiently dealing with Kitty and Obi’s complaints every time.

Thomas didn’t even notice when James kissed the side of his head, left to get him a drink, and put his arm back around him when he returned. If he had thought about it, he might have considered that they were far too comfortable touching each other now. It was creeping into situations when Isabelle and Anthony weren’t even around. He might also have asked himself why James continued to lurk with them rather than helping Fanny with another job, when he had no interest whatsoever in contributing to a conversation about music. Instead, Thomas just accepted the glass of wine from James and tucked himself into James’ side. “Thanks, darling,” Thomas murmured, his attention still mostly on the iPad. Kitty kicked him, her combat boot flicking out from under her pink maxi dress, and raised an eyebrow. “What?” he mouthed back, confused. Kitty just rolled her perfectly lined eyes, exasperated. Weird, Thomas thought, leaning his head into James’ shoulder. He didn’t catch Kitty exchange a look with Obi, shaking her head in response to Obi’s silent question, leading Obi to roll his own eyes in response.

Fanny called the room to attention. “Thank you everyone, as usual, for your diligent assistance in getting this set up. Let’s not ruin it now by acting foolish at the party. Robin, that means don’t spike the punch until after 10pm. Obi, that means no inappropriate music until after 10pm. James, I’m counting on you to have monitored that. Julian, no hitting on the single mums. At any point. Thomas…” She was about to make her standard warning about him not being allowed to hit on anything that moved, when she noticed him wrapped up against James. She tugged on the sleeves of the blazer that she wore over a white blouse and jeans. “Oh. Well. I suppose I don’t have to warn you this time. Ok team! Let’s make it a good one, please.”

Thomas stuck his tongue out at her. James tightened his arms around him. “Yes, Thomas. No flirting with anyone who isn’t me,” he whispered directly into Thomas’ ear. His hot breath so close caused a shiver to run down Thomas’ spine.

Thomas twisted in James’ arms so that he was facing him. He laced his arms around James’ neck, and twisted his fingers into the short hairs at the back of his head. “As if I would,” he whispered back, staring into James’ gorgeous blue eyes. He leaned closer. “I’m just as committed to this as you are.” James swallowed hard, and shut his eyes. He leaned closer to Thomas. Thomas felt his breath hitch in his throat. He closed his own eyes, and leaned in to close the gap, feeling an almost magnetic draw towards James. His pulse was racing and his heart beat was erratic, gripped in anticipation.

“James, I need you!” Robin yelled across the room, struggling with a fold-out trestle table that was not cooperating. Thomas was snapped back to reality. His eyes flew open and he pulled away from James. James sighed and opened his eyes, releasing his grip on Thomas. The moment was broken. But it left Thomas wondering what the hell the moment had been.

***

The evening was a blast, as it always was. James had spent a far larger portion of his time on the dance floor than he normally would, with Thomas and Kitty and a rotating crowd of the others who did not have Thomas and Kitty’s stamina. As usual, Thomas and Kitty had spent barely any time off of the dance floor. James was currently stood by the drinks table with Robin, watching Thomas and Kitty dance the ‘Macarena’. They loved a song with a choreographed dance to it. If a song they liked didn’t have one, they just made up their own. Other people on the dance floor either enthusiastically joined in or gave them a wide berth.

Humphrey approached. James was, as ever, struck by the differences between the twins. Robin was scruffy and wild in his tracksuit bottoms and a faded t-shirt that had so many holes in that it was no better than a rag. Humphrey, on the other hand, looked put together in crisp chinos and a light pink shirt. “Hey. So, Anthony just asked me if I thought that it was serious between you and Thomas. I didn’t know what to say, so I told him that I thought so. I hope that that was the right thing to say?” James smiled smugly, and thanked Humphrey. He couldn’t wait to tell Thomas.

“Your plan working then,” Robin commented. “You stop soon?” James felt a chill settle over him. For some reason, the thought of ending it with Thomas made him deeply upset and a little nauseous.

“Oh, uh, well, we’d need to make sure that Isabelle is in the same place as Anthony. Otherwise it’s not fair, Robs.” Yes. That was a good excuse (reason! He meant reason!) to continue.

Robin pointed to the dance floor where Isabelle was dancing with Kitty and Thomas. She was altogether too close to Thomas. “She is,” Robin commented. James’ stomach clenched. I’m not jealous, he told himself. I just wasn’t expecting her to be there, that’s all.

“Oh. Right. Well. I’d need to talk to Thomas. I can’t just unilaterally decide. We’re in this together.” Yes. Another fantastic excuse (reason, damn it!)!

“Or just admit it already…” Robin muttered, but James had already moved off. If he cut in now, it would really infuriate Isabelle and make her even more desperate for Thomas’ attention. Another excellent excuse (bally hell, reason!). He neither heard Robin, nor saw Humphrey emphatically agreeing with his brother.

James was moving towards Thomas when Fanny snagged him. “It’s 10pm! I need you to monitor the door while we get the under 18’s out. Humphrey, Robin, you too! Come on, let’s go! This is the last song!” James grumbled, but did as Fanny asked. It was always easier to give in with minimal complaints. Fanny would get her own way anyway. James stood on one door with Julian, and Humphrey and Robin took the other, making sure that no one snuck back in. The music was turned off briefly and the normal chorus of protests kicked off. It didn’t phase Fanny. It never did. Fanny, Alison, Pat and Mary chased out anyone who was underage.

Ten minutes later, the village hall was child free. Fanny told Obi to start the music back up again. James scanned the room for Thomas, his eyes passing over Anthony without seeing him. Thomas was taking the opportunity to get some water into Kitty. James headed straight over. “Come on, Kitty, please? If you’re too dehydrated you won’t be able to dance later. Fanny will tell you off and Mary will be cross with me,” he was pleading with her. “Oh, hey you,” he grinned. “I just need to get Kitty to cooperate with me and then I’m all yours.”

Kitty eyed him suspiciously. “I’ll drink water if James promises to dance with us. Otherwise, he’ll take you away from me for the rest of the night.”

James put his around Kitty, understanding that this was a genuine fear of hers and not just a petulant drunken comment. “Katherine, I promise you that I have no intention of taking Thomas off of the dance floor. Come on, let’s have a drink, eh? And maybe a snack?” Together, they managed to get Kitty to drink and eat something. It helped that Fanny and Mary were looming. Kitty didn’t much fancy being told off. And she certainly didn’t want to get Thomas into trouble.

They went back onto the dance floor, just as a slow song started up. It was ‘Can’t Help Falling in Love’, an Elvis song that James particularly liked. James looked at Thomas, wanting to ask him to dance, but he couldn’t shut Kitty out like that. And then Pat was there. He asked Kitty to dance, effectively solving the problem for James.

“Tom, may I have this dance?” He held out a hand as if he were asking Thomas to waltz with him in a ballroom rather than slow dance with him at a village fête.

Thomas blushed. “You may,” he breathed, taking James’ hand, his face lighting up in joy. James pulled Thomas closer, dropping his hands to his waist, feeling Thomas slide his arms around his neck. Just for a moment, James was able to block everything else out. It was just him and Thomas, dancing. James kissed him. Maybe he had lost the boundaries between real and fake, but he had a sudden urge to kiss Thomas, and he gave in to it. He wrapped his arms tighter around Thomas’ waist and licked at Thomas’ mouth until his lips opened. All that mattered in that moment was Thomas and that kiss.

The moment was shattered by Kitty, slamming into them, grabbing Thomas and squealing “I love this song!” at the top of her lungs. Pat looked over her shoulder at James, his face apologetic. James hadn’t realised that the track had changed, but something with a deeper and faster beat had come on. He vaguely recognised it. Thomas grabbed his hands so that they could still dance together, albeit not as close, and without the kissing. Thomas moved his hips in time with the music.

Julian, Humphrey, Robin and Mary joined them, Fanny steadfastly refusing. That should have been James’ first clue. He didn’t pick up on it until the lyrics managed to sink into his brain. ‘Sweat, baby, sweat, baby sex is a Texas drought’. It was ‘The Bad Touch’.

“Thomas, you were supposed to be taking the bad songs off of the playlist!” James hissed. ‘So put your hands down my pants and I'll bet you'll feel nuts.’

“This is a great song! Post-10pm is fine,” Thomas was nonplussed. He pulled James closer, putting James’ hands on his hips as he swayed. ‘You want it rough, you're out of bounds.’

James was mortified. He tried to remove his hands, but Thomas wouldn’t let him. His hands went up to James’ shoulders. “It’s about sex, Tom!” ‘You are inclined to make me rise an hour early just like Daylight Savings Time.’

Thomas winked. “I know, James. And so do they.” Ah. James had forgotten. He had let himself lose sight of the end goal. That would not do. They’d fail the mission if he carried on like that. He wasn’t dancing with Thomas for the sake of it. He was dancing with Thomas to put on a show. It was the same with the touching, with the kissing. He was doing it to demonstrate that he was comfortable in his sexuality, that he didn’t care if people knew that he was gay. It wasn’t because Thomas was his. Thomas wasn’t interested in him in that way, he was a means to an end to get the girl that he liked to show interest in him. And James certainly wasn’t interested in Thomas that way, he wanted Anthony. How had he managed to get so off course?

James mentally shook himself off, threw himself into the dancing, and roared along with his friends to the lyrics. ‘You and me, baby, ain't nothin' but mammals so let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel.’

Chapter Text

Monday 6th May

It was clear to Thomas that the gigantic bear had marked a significant step in their relationship. Thomas loved it so much, and it was a real symbol of the growing friendship between him and James. But at points during the May Day Fête, the boundaries between real and fake had kept shifting. Thomas just wasn’t sure why they were shifting. The arrangement was so simple, and there was no reason for them to modify it. Not when it was working. And it clearly was working.

Thomas hadn’t heard from James all day on Sunday. This was despite the fact that James was covering in work for Pat again, and Thomas knew that both Alison and Obi would be sporting killer hangovers, making them difficult to work with. Thomas had been expecting to receive the inevitable complaints from James. The unexpected radio silence had sent Thomas’ anxiety into overdrive - had he accidentally overstepped James’ boundaries? He hadn’t meant to make James uncomfortable or to damage their tentative friendship.

Thomas had been apprehensive to go in to work on Monday morning after not hearing from him, his overactive imagination unable to accept that it was anything other than a sign that James was mad at him, but James had greeted him with a smile and a coffee, and things had settled between them. James mentioned that Anthony had been poking around Humphrey for information on their relationship. That was an extremely positive sign. As was the fact that Isabelle had kept trying to befriend Kitty.

James had asked when they should pencil something else in for. He had told Thomas that he thought that they might need one or two more events before they could properly evaluate their progress and decide on their next steps. Thomas had made some non-committal noises and told him that he would have a think and get back to him. In the meantime, they should carry on as normal. But Thomas knew what he wanted to do next.

Thomas wanted to do something nice for James’ birthday. James had gone out of his way to win Thomas that bear. And it genuinely was the nicest thing that anyone had ever done for him. He wanted to pay James back. James’ birthday was on the upcoming Sunday. James wasn’t big on birthdays and he wasn’t keen on being the centre of attention, so the group had been thinking about doing something small, along the lines of a group barbecue if the weather was nice or a movie night and pizza if it wasn’t, as they usually did. Thomas had other ideas. He had spent the whole of the previous day planning, to distract himself from the fact that James hadn’t texted or called. Thomas had six days to put that plan into effect. There was no time to lose.

The first thing on his to do list was to speak to Pat. He had arrived at work early in order to do so. Pat had readily agreed to his plan, much to Thomas’ pleasure. He allowed Thomas to spend most of the middle of the morning hiding in the stockroom, making the required phone calls. Some of those calls were excruciating, but necessary. Pat had managed the worst call for Thomas so that he didn’t have to do it. Pat even stole James’ mobile phone out of his bag (Thomas knew the pin code) in order to give him the information to make some of those phone calls.

The next step was slightly more complex. “Hey, Fanny. Can I talk to you about James’ birthday, please?”

Fanny scoffed. Thomas could almost see her rolling her eyes over the phone. “Thomas, I’ve just planned a party. There’s nothing left in the tank.”

“I understand that, Fan! I’m not asking you to plan anything! I’ve got that covered. No, I need an entirely different favour, if you wouldn’t mind?” Thomas knew that she wouldn’t be able to resist interfering, but for now, he genuinely didn’t need help with the plan. He only needed a small favour to assist with its execution.

“Well, that depends on what it is, doesn’t it!” she sounded annoyed, but she couldn’t hide that her interest had been piqued. Not to Thomas, he knew her too well to be fooled by her brusqueness.

Thomas explained and received very enthusiastic consent to his plan. Thomas bounced happily, and was profusely grateful to Fanny over the phone.

He could hear the warmth in Fanny’s voice that indicated that she was smiling. “This might just be his best birthday yet, Thomas. Credit where credit is due. This is an exceptional idea.” Thomas was touched. Praise from Fanny was like finding a needle in a haystack, rare and rewarding. She paused. “I just hope you know what you’re doing, Tom. I told Pat that I wouldn’t say anything, we all did, but… I just don’t want you to get hurt. Either of you.”

Thomas was confused. “How hurt can you get doing paintball?”

***

Sunday 12 May

James got back home from his usual Sunday morning run to find Thomas waiting for him on his doorstep. He was wearing combat boots, black cargo trousers and a plain dark green t-shirt that managed to make his dark eyes look even larger and deeper than normal. James wondered if he should tell Thomas just how good he looked in that colour. He wondered if Isabelle had even noticed it. Thomas sprang up when he saw James, and launched at him for a hug. “Happy birthday!” he yelled.

“Thank you, Tom. I’m all sweaty, sweetheart. You don’t want to hug me right now,” James laughed, trying to hold him off.

Thomas flashed him that lopsided smile of his, his dimples on full show. James’ stomach flipped. “I don’t mind,” he breathed.

James immediately dropped all resistance, put his arms around him and pulled him close. Thomas immediately settled his head onto his chest. He was the perfect height for James to rest his chin on the top of his head. James hadn’t noticed that before. “What are you doing here? Did you just come to wish me a happy birthday?” James asked him, grateful for his presence, but confused as to its meaning.

“No, I came to give you your present. Or rather, to take you to your present!” Thomas slipped out of the hug, grabbed his hands and pulled him towards his Fiat 500, which he had parked behind James’ SUV.

“Can I shower first?” James laughed at Thomas’ enthusiasm.

Thomas considered, then cocked his head. “You can if I can pick your outfit? Only, I know where we’re going. And it has to be quick, darling, we’re on a schedule.”

James laughed again. “Deal.” He unlocked the door, letting Thomas in. “Can I get you a drink?”

Thomas shook his head. “No, thank you handsome. You just go get in the shower. I’ll give you five minutes and then come up to your bedroom to sort your clothes.”

James went about his business as quickly as he could, despite feeling strangely tempted to linger in his bedroom. He wasn’t sure what Thomas had planned, and the anticipation was building up. It would be really nice to spend his birthday with Thomas. Other than the messages in the group chat in the morning, he hadn’t really heard from the rest of his friends, although he had no doubt that they had something planned for later. It was just a little unnerving. While his friends always did something for his birthday, they usually did something small, and they always told him about it in advance. They knew how he felt about surprises.

James finished in the bathroom, wrapped a towel about his waist and left the room, only to find Thomas sat on his bed, scrolling through his phone. The unexpected sight had butterflies rising in James’ stomach. Thomas looked around, then his eyes widened and his jaw dropped. “Oh god, I’m so sorry James, I’ll wait downstairs!” He darted out of the room. He had left out a pair of James’ old camouflage trousers and a plain black t-shirt that had seen better days. His hiking boots were on the floor. James assumed that he was free to select his own underwear. James supposed that he should be grateful that Thomas hadn’t gone rifling through his underwear drawer, but strangely, that wasn’t what he was feeling. It was almost like disappointment. James couldn’t quite put it into words. He dressed quickly, grabbed an old hoodie just in case the weather turned, and headed downstairs.

Thomas was sat on the sofa, his head in his hands, clearly embarrassed. James crossed the room to sit beside him, gently removing his hands from his face and lifting his chin with his finger so that Thomas would look at him. “Sweetheart, it’s ok. You really don’t have anything to apologise for. And I’m ready to go wherever you want to take me.”

Thomas took a deep breath, smiled weakly, and grabbed James’ hand. They got in Thomas’ car, and Thomas drove them away. He took a very familiar route. James’ bemusement grew when they took the turning to Button House. There wouldn’t normally be any level of secrecy or any element of surprise to a barbecue on the lawn of Button House. This had to be something more than that.

As predicted, Thomas’ car wasn’t the only one pulled up by the fountain. His friends were all waiting, Pat holding Daley’s hand. What was surprising was the presence of Alison, Mike and Obi, Anthony and Maddocks, Nigel, Jeff and John from the cricket team and Isabelle and Francis.

Thomas turned off the engine and turned to him. “Happy birthday, James,” he repeated softly. “I’ve organised a surprise for you. And I invited Anthony and Isabelle. They asked if they could bring Maddocks and Francis, respectively. I hope that’s ok. And I hope you enjoy your surprise, darling.” James didn’t even feel a flicker of jealousy that Anthony had brought Maddocks to his birthday. He was too busy focussing on how nice it was that Thomas had gone out of his way to organise something for him. And as much as James hated surprises, he was a little astonished to find that he didn’t feel any of his usual apprehension for this one. He trusted Thomas enough to know that the surprise would not be an unpleasant one.

James took Thomas’ face in his hands. “I’m sure that whatever you’ve done will be fantastic, and I’ll love it. You really didn’t have to do anything at all. You’re too good to me, sweetheart.” Thomas lent forward and kissed him. James felt a slow heat rise deep within him. James threaded his fingers into Thomas’ gorgeous curls, licking at Thomas’ lips until they opened and he could deepen the kiss. Their tongues moved together. Thomas ran his fingernails through the short hair at the back of James’ neck and James moaned into Thomas’ mouth. James nibbled Thomas’ bottom lip and Thomas gasped and pulled him closer. James wanted more. All of a sudden, it wasn’t enough. He wanted to yank Thomas across the central console into his lap and suck bruises into his neck until Thomas was dizzy.

A knock at the window made them jump and pull apart. It was Robin. “Save making out for later!Gonna be late!”

“Late? Why, where are we going?” James asked. Thomas opened his door and climbed out.

Julian appeared next to Robin and glared at James. “You’ll find out if you get out of the damn car, won’t you mate?” James got out of the car. He greeted the others who had gathered for his birthday, thanking them all for coming. They all seemed to be dressed in old and shabby clothing. Even Fanny was wearing yoga leggings and a t-shirt, a huge departure from her normal impeccably tailored wardrobe.

Fanny led the group across the lawn to the woods. Thomas appeared beside James, and James instantly put his arm around Thomas’ shoulders, pulling him close against his side, dropping a kiss onto his beautiful curls. They walked through the woods to a clearing, where a man was standing beside a parked van, the back doors open. James could see into the van, to the equipment contained within it.

James stopped in his tracks. “Paintball? You got me paintball?” He looked at Thomas, who was grinning excitedly up at him, his eyes shining. “Are we going to play paintball?” Thomas nodded, still grinning. James grabbed him, lifting him into the air and spinning him around. “Oh Tommy, you’re the best! I cannot believe you organised paintball for me! Thank you, thank you, thank you!” Breathless, he put Thomas down and kissed him enthusiastically.

Thomas broke away, laughing. “You’re so welcome. I wanted to spoil you. You deserve it for putting up with me, darling. Mike knows a guy, so I was able to get it quite last minute. And on mates rates. And of course, Fanny said we could use the woods, which I thought might make it more fun than doing it at a centre.” Thomas ran a hand through his hair, blushing a deep shade of red. It made him look even more irresistibly beautiful. James couldn’t resist, and kissed him again.

The man set them all up with overalls, guns and paintballs and split them into teams. Thomas had contrived it so that the nine of them and Daley were the blue team, with the other ten making up the red team. James could burst with excitement. This was absolutely the best way to spend a birthday. With his best friends, in the woods, with paintball guns, hunting down the people on the other team in the course of capturing a flag. James was barely listening to the safety talk. He was too busy looking at Thomas, flushed with pleasure at having made James happy, committing his excited expression to memory. Thomas had given him the best present he could possibly have thought of. Even though it wasn’t real, Thomas might just be the best boyfriend that he had ever had.

***

James instantly and predictably made himself the blue team’s strategist. Thomas watched him fondly as he described attack formations and defensive positions, as he mapped out where each of them was going to be and gave them all a job to do. He gave them all tips on how to prepare for a shot to ensure accuracy, taking the extra time with Daley to show him how to take a shot. He paired them all off so that they had someone ‘to watch their six’. Thomas was filled with an absurd joy when James claimed him as his own partner, despite knowing that it was so that they were together if they came across Anthony or Isabelle. Otherwise, he definitely would have chosen Humphrey, as his best friend and his normal chosen partner in all things. And he probably would have paired Thomas with Kitty. Which still would have been fun, lots of fun, but Thomas wanted to be with James. Because it was James’ birthday, and for no other reason. Being chosen by the birthday boy felt special.

They heard the airhorn go off, which marked the start of the battle, and James sent them all on their way before grabbing Thomas’ hand and pulling him off into the woods. Thomas giggled until James turned to face him. “This isn’t fun, Thomas. This is a military campaign. It’s to be taken seriously, please.” Thomas gave him a mock salute, and felt a warm flush in his cheeks when James grinned at him despite himself. They stalked off into the woods together, guns ready.

James really was something to behold. He clocked every movement in the woods, turning to analyse it. He was like a hunter, and the other team’s red flag was his prey. Humphrey and Julian burst through the woods ahead of them, hooting with laughter, and James swung round in their direction, dropping to one knee, his gun instantly raised. Thomas’ stomach flipped. Even then, James didn’t shoot, recognising them as blue friends, and not red foe. “Bally hell! Did I, or did I not, tell them to keep it down?” James moaned to Thomas as he got back up.

“You did,” Thomas confirmed. He had hung on every single word of James’ strategy lecture.

“Come on, sweetheart. Let’s go this way.” Thomas would follow wherever James went. After a few minutes, James thrust out his hand to stop him. He signalled for Thomas to go left around a thick copse of pine trees, while going right himself. Thomas trusted James’ instinct, heading to the left. They came across Isabelle and Francis, hidden in the centre of the copse.

“I just don’t get why you wanted me to come if you don’t want to hang out with me, Isabelle. You’re the only one I would talk to here. The Button House lot are loopy, I don’t exactly associate with them. Their bohemian friends are worse, and I don’t know any of the cricket people,” Francis whinged. Insufferable twat. Thomas lifted his gun, breathed out as James had taught him, and squeezed the trigger. He caught Francis twice in the chest at the exact same time that James got Isabelle.

“Yes please, Thomas! Gleaming bundook op from the civvy! Well done, gorgeous! Let’s go!” James raced past the stunned and speechless Isabelle and Francis, grabbed his hand, and they shot off into the woods together again. They came across Pat, Daley, Robin and Mary, who had taken out the cricket lads, but had been taken out themselves by Anthony. Apparently, Anthony was still at large. “Then let’s go get him, Tom.”

As they were stalking through the woods, Thomas saw a flash of red. He grabbed James, pointing it out. At the same time, Anthony crossed a path ahead of them, not seeing them. James pushed Thomas behind a tree. “Go get it, and come straight back,” James ordered. He kissed Thomas before sprinting off after Anthony.

Thomas ran. He had a direct order and he wouldn’t let James down. He didn’t feel any jealousy at all that James had abandoned him to chase after Anthony. He was sure that it made sense tactically for them to separate, especially to confront a man who had already taken out nearly half of their team, single-handedly. Thomas cautiously surveyed the site where the flag was, hidden amongst the trees. He caught sight of black curly hair. Obi. Thomas raised his gun and shot him. Then he darted forwards, grabbing the flag.

“Oh, man! Tom! You killed me!” his friend complained.

“Sorry, Obi. It’s not personal, it’s paintball!” Thomas turned to run back in the direction of where he had left James. He found him cornered, his gun lying a few feet away from him. His knees were covered in mud. Anthony had obviously tripped him. Thomas felt the irritation rise through him. That wasn’t a very thoughtful thing to do, given James’ bad knee. Thomas dived behind cover before he was seen.

“James, I didn’t want to have to take out the birthday boy, but you leave me no choice!” Anthony stepped closer to James, smiling flirtatiously. Thomas was torn. He should let this continue, shouldn’t he? This was what James wanted, Anthony flirting with him because Thomas wasn’t around to see it. But James really wanted to win. His competitive streak was a mile wide and he would be incredibly cross if he was killed. Even if it was by Anthony. “Your pretty little thing isn’t here to save you now, is he? I bet he got caught really early on, didn’t he? He looks like someone who can’t handle a paintball gun.” Anthony stepped closer to James again, smiling victoriously. Thomas saw red. How dare he? Putting other people down in order to make yourself look better was an exceptionally rude flirting tactic. Thomas lifted his gun and pulled the trigger. He shot Anthony five times, splattering his chest and stomach with paintballs. Excessive overkill, perhaps, but it made Thomas feel better.

“Not quite,” Thomas stepped out of the woods. He wordlessly helped James to his feet, conscious of his bad knee, and handed the flag to him, glaring at Anthony. Anthony looked stunned, and a little sheepish, but didn’t say a word.

“You got it! I knew that I could rely on you, sweetheart!” James lifted him and spun him around in a circle, pressing a quick kiss to his forehead before he let go. It was only when he was back in James’ arms that Thomas’ anger subsided. “Let’s go back to base.” Without a word to or a backward glance at Anthony, James stooped to collect his gun, grabbed Thomas’ hand and towed him away, back into the woods.

They arrived back at their base just as Alison and Mike shot Kitty and Fanny, who James had tasked with guarding their flag. In unison, they lifted their guns and took revenge for their fallen teammates. Their blue flag was still in place. They had won. The airhorn went off again, signalling the end of the game. They were to reconvene at the van. Thomas and James walked back, hand in hand, with Fanny, Kitty, Alison and Mike. Alison moaned the whole way about how close they had been to winning.

Although James was smug in their victory, he told everyone that it was entirely down to Thomas. He had been the one to capture the flag, and he had saved James from being killed by taking out the other team’s best player. It was very sweet and entirely unnecessary. Thomas would savour the look of furious jealousy on Anthony’s face for a very, very long time.

***

The evening was beautiful, albeit slightly chilly, so his friends had organised a barbecue on the lawn of Button House for him. James watched as Julian, Humphrey, Robin and Pat argued over the best way to grill various meats, knowing that he would be up there with them if he hadn’t been expressly banned from helping on account of it being his birthday. Instead, he was sat on a camping chair, with Thomas curled up in his lap, discussing cricket strategy with the guys from the team. He was actually having a very productive conversation with Maddocks about a tactical idea that he’d had. The rest of the party was sat around in a circle of various chairs and picnic blankets on the grass.

Thomas was absentmindedly running his nails up and down James’ neck with one hand while balancing his latest volume of poetry with the other. He had gotten cold a short while ago, and James had given him his hoodie. It absolutely swamped him, and made him look delicate and boyish in a way that had James feeling incredibly protective of him. James had his left arm wrapped around Thomas’ waist in such a way that he could put his hand in the front pocket of the hoodie. His right hand rested on Thomas’ thigh.

Kitty approached and asked Thomas to go inside with her. He instantly kissed James on the cheek and jumped up to go with her, depositing his book onto James’ lap. James watched him trek across the lawn to Button House with Kitty before picking it up and flicking through it.

“I didn’t know people actually read poetry front to back, like it’s a novel,” James heard Francis say quietly to Isabelle from where he sat further round the circle. Francis laughed, a horrid mocking sound that very much confirmed that, at least to him, Thomas was the joke.

James looked at him sharply. “Sorry?” he demanded. Francis looked startled, and embarrassed to have been caught. James waited for him to repeat his comment. He didn’t. “I’m not really sure that there is a correct way to read poetry. Please, do let me know if I’m wrong?” Francis squirmed in his seat, but maintained his silence. The entire circle went quiet, watching the exchange. James could feel all of the eyes on him. But he didn’t stop, like a dog with a bone. He couldn’t have Francis trying to put Thomas down in front of Isabelle. Or at all, really.

“No one ever told me that there was a right way to read poetry at the bookshop. Did anyone ever tell you anything at the library, Isabelle?” Isabelle shook her head, her pale green eyes wide. “Didn’t think so. Tell me Francis, do you have any qualifications in English Literature? I wouldn’t have thought so, you obviously went to medical school. No? Oh well, Thomas has a Masters degree in English Literature, where he focussed on romantic poetry. As far as I know, not a single one of his exams focussed on the correct way to read poetry. But even if he hadn’t studied poetry, I’m pretty sure that he can read his own books any way he bally well wants to.”

“Thomas is a poet,” Isabelle chipped in. “He really understands poetry. I’m sure that he would know if there was a correct way for it to be read.”

Francis snorted. “A failed poet. Isn’t that why he moved back here? With mummy and daddy’s money.”

James lunged for him, his blood roaring in his ears. Humphrey, who had been heading back over to the group, a mild look of panic on his face having spotted the exchange, managed to snatch James around the waist before he got to Francis, preventing him from doing him any harm. James struggled futilely against Humphrey’s death grip.

Isabelle went pale. “I think you should leave,” she told Francis, her voice shrill. James vaguely saw Fanny dashing off to the house, Kitty having just appeared in the doorway with something in her arms. Fanny shooed her back inside.

Thomas squeezed past them, and came running towards James. James was still fighting to get free from Humphrey. Thomas stood in front of him, placing his hands on James’ shoulders, calmly restraining him. “What’s going on? James, calm down. What’s happened?” James broke free from Humphrey, wrapped his arms around Thomas’ waist and pulled him towards him. He clung to Thomas, frantically breathing in his calming scent. James’ heart was pounding, his hands were shaking. He couldn’t remember the last time he had been so furious. Thomas didn’t deserve to be put down by Francis, a man so inferior to his beautiful, funny, kind, talented friend. “Baby, you’re crushing me,” Thomas wheezed. James loosened his grip slightly, feeling calmer now that Thomas was here, in his arms. Where James could protect him.

“Just go, Francis! And don’t bother calling me!” James heard Isabelle shout. James felt his arms tighten around Thomas again, an instinctive reaction to Isabelle’s words. She was available again, free for Thomas to pursue. But James didn’t want to let go of Thomas. Literally and figuratively. He didn’t want Thomas to want Isabelle. For reasons that he didn’t care to examine, James felt the onset of a panic attack. He hadn’t had a bad one in years.

Thomas didn’t look away from him. He barely seemed to register what it meant for Isabelle. What it could mean for him. “James, breathe. Just breathe. It’s ok, I’m here. He’s gone. It’s ok. We were going to do the cake. Mary has baked you a beautiful thing, coffee and walnut, your favourite. You look a bit overwhelmed right now - should we do it later instead?”

A distraction was exactly what James needed. He forced himself to loosen his grip on Thomas, to calm down and act normally. “No, cake sounds great. Let’s do it. Thanks for checking, sweetheart.”

Thomas kissed his cheek. “If you’re sure, darling.”

He untangled himself from James’ arms and turned to go back to the house to get Kitty. James snatched his hand, pulling him back slightly. “Thank you so much for today, Tom. It’s been the best birthday ever. I love… that you did this for me.”

Thomas smiled softly, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes. “You’re welcome, James.”

Chapter Text

Tuesday 14th May

Thomas didn’t know why he was in such a bad mood. Work had been great - Tuesday’s had turned into his best days at work rather than the worst, when it was just the two of them in the shop on Pat’s day off. That day had been no exception. It had been quite quiet, so he had spent most of the day perched on the counter, chatting away to James. James had even let him run some of his poetry by him, and his feedback had been incredibly insightful. Isabelle had finally ended things with Francis, and things were looking positive for James with Anthony, if his rampant jealousy of Thomas was anything to go by. But the bad mood that Thomas had been in since he had dropped James off at home on Sunday evening had persisted.

Maybe it was that it had felt like there were things left unsaid on Sunday. Thomas had felt like James was on the cusp of saying something more all day. James had enjoyed his birthday, and was ridiculously grateful to Thomas for putting it all together. But Thomas knew how close James had come to having a full blown panic attack after defending Thomas from Francis (the complete arsehole). James hadn’t told him the reason behind it. It was starting to feel like James was keeping secrets from him.

To make matters worse, every time he thought about the way Anthony had gone about flirting with James in the woods, rage flared up inside of Thomas. And he thought about it often.

“Thomas, we need to talk,” Kitty told him, passing him a bowl of the chicken curry that she had made for their dinner. Thomas ate with her at least once a week, an excuse to spend time one on one with his best friend. He was sat her at kitchen table in her small flat, both of them still dressed in their work clothes, jeans and branded t-shirts in black and fuchsia respectively.

“What’s up?” Thomas asked warily, putting down the bottle of nail polish he had been considering and taking his food from Kitty. She had her serious face on. She very rarely used that expression with him.

“Pat told me not to say anything, he made me promise, he made us all promise, but I just can’t hold my tongue any more. Not after Sunday. I just… Thomas, are you sure that it isn’t real? You and James?” There was a look of hope behind her serious expression.

Thomas choked on a piece of chicken. “Kitty, seriously? We’ve been over this! So many times! It’s just to prove Isabelle and Anthony wrong, to make them jealous. None of it is real.”

“I don’t believe you!” she cried. Thomas glared at her. “No, I’m sorry Tom, but I don’t. I know you better than anyone, even better than you know yourself. You’re in love with him. I know you are. And he is in love with you. I don’t understand why you’re both being so stubborn about it, and won’t just admit how you feel. What you have could be dynamite if you’d just be honest. Not just with each other, but with yourselves.”

“Kitty, I most certainly am not in love with him! And he definitely is not in love with me!” The very suggestion was shocking. In love with James? It would never make sense for them to be together. They were too different. If it was anyone other than Kitty saying this, Thomas would have gotten angry at them for taking the piss. But Kitty would never make a joke about something as serious as love. “I assure you Kitty-Kat, it’s Isabelle I want.”

“Then why is it that on Sunday you said precisely three things to her, one of which was hello, and one of which was goodbye?” she challenged, her eyebrow raised.

Thomas couldn’t believe that it could possibly be true. Surely he had spoken to Isabelle more than that? It was true that he had spent much of his time with James, but it was his birthday and Thomas had wanted to spend the day with his friend. “I was acting, Kitty. Playing the part of James’ boyfriend means spending a lot of time with him.”

“I starred opposite you in the panto last Christmas, Tommy. And the one before that. And the one before that. I know that you’re not that good of an actor,” Kitty replied, acerbically. Thomas put a hand to his chest in mock outrage, trying to distract her from the conversation. It didn’t work. “Besides, James barely spoke to Anthony either. Unless it was about cricket, and even then that was less speaking to Anthony and more speaking to the guys on his team in general.” She grabbed his hand, her dark pleading eyes staring into his. She looked so painfully earnest that it broke Thomas’ heart. “I mean it, Thomas. Nobody kisses like that without having feelings. I just want you to be happy, and I’m scared that you’re throwing away your chance.”

Thomas swallowed around the lump that had suddenly appeared in his throat. Kitty really did want the best for him, but she was chasing shadows. “This isn’t my chance. It isn’t real, Kitty.”

“But it could be!” she insisted. Thomas scoffed. Kitty didn’t let up. “Oh come on! You’re both so good-looking, and intelligent, and you love books. You’re both passionate and stubborn and generous. He’s the practical to your creative, the grounded to your flighty. You are the joy to his seriousness, the optimism to his pessimism. His caution balances out your impulsivity, your confidence makes up for his introversion. He is your opposite that makes you whole. You already know everything that there is to know about each other. You share the same friends and the same routines. Your lives wouldn’t be difficult to intertwine. But most importantly, you’re crazy about each other! And I’m not the only one that thinks so.”

Thomas couldn’t hear any more. “Kitty, stop, please. I know that you’re trying to help, but believe me, there is nothing more between us. I would tell you if there was, you know I’d never lie to you.” Kitty went to interrupt him, so Thomas reached out and pressed a finger to her lips. “When I first met James, yes, I thought he was insanely attractive, and I’d be lying if I told you that I wasn’t interested. I wanted him, badly. So badly, I thought that I would die. But he got back together with Adam, which gave me the space to realise that it was just physical attraction, and the time where I felt that has long since passed now. Besides, we’re too different. No good relationship has ever been built on a shared love of books, it’s not enough. It would never work. And even if I wanted it to, even if I was prepared to fully commit to trying to make it work, he doesn’t want to. He wouldn’t ever want me. We’ve finally got to a place where we can be friends, proper friends, and I just don’t want to jeopardise that for anything. I like being his friend, and I can’t go back to how we were before. Besides which, I’m convinced that Isabelle is my soulmate. And you like Isabelle, don’t you?”

Kitty opened her mouth. “But…”

“No buts, Kitty, please! I promise you, if there was more, I’d tell you. You would be the first to know. There isn’t. There never will be. James doesn’t want me, he wants Anthony,” his voice cracked on Anthony’s name, and he stopped talking. Thomas took a deep breath, battling back tears. He didn’t know why he was upset, but there was no point in trying to hide it from Kitty. She would have already seen. A single tear ran down his cheek. He managed to keep the others back. “Just let it drop, please. Let’s just enjoy the lovely dinner that you’ve made for us.” Kitty reluctantly allowed him to change the subject, but the unhappy expression remained on her face.

***

Thursday 16 May

Humphrey spotted after cricket practice that James had changed his phone lock screen image. It was now a photo of James and Thomas holding aloft the red flag that they had captured on James’ birthday. James had his arm around Thomas’ waist and was smiling down at him, and Thomas’ face was lit up with laughter and joy as he smiled right back. Mary texted as James was climbing into Humphrey’s car after cricket practice to ask them to pick up snacks on their way over to movie night, as Robin had forgotten that it was his turn and had arrived empty-handed. Humphrey glanced down and saw the photo as James opened his phone to respond.

“What the fuck, James? It’s still fake, is it?” Humphrey fixed him with a questioning stare.

“Good lord! Yes, you know it is,” James replied tersely. Humphrey just sighed, put his Jeep in gear and pulled away.

Thomas opened the door of Button House to let them in once Humphrey and James arrived. “Hey Humph, how was your day?” Thomas asked as James reached for him. James could feel Humphrey’s eyes on him as he gave Thomas a quick hug. But he couldn’t exactly not greet him with a hug just because Humphrey couldn’t get it through his thick skull that they weren’t together. Thomas would have known that something was wrong, they always greeted each other with hugs now. Thomas looked up at him, his beautiful eyes lit up with his smile. “What snacks did you get?”

“Don’t worry, I got you your Malteasers, you absolute gremlin,” James laughed, fishing them out of the carrier bag and offering them to him.

“My hero! Thank you!” Thomas squealed, kissing James’ cheek, snatching the bag and flitting off in the direction of Fanny’s home theatre.

“Yep, it’s definitely still fake!” James glared at Humphrey, who folded his arms over his dungarees and glared right back. “What? It’s totally normal to have a photo of you staring lovingly into the eyes of your friend as your lock screen, to cuddle him at every given opportunity, to gaze at him with desperate longing all the time, to pick up his favourite snacks without being explicitly asked for them, to call him pet names, to let him kiss you and then to check out his arse as he walks away. If Julian and I were acting like this, you’d think it was totally platonic!”

“There is no longing! And I bally well did not look at his arse, Humphrey!”

“Of course you didn’t, James.” James ignored him, taking the rest of the snacks through to the home theatre. He dropped them onto the coffee table before greeting the rest of his friends, pointedly giving them all a hug in greeting.

The home theatre was a veritable shrine to Fanny’s love for her friends. She had installed a huge projector and lined the back and side walls with plush grey sofas without arms, so they looked like one huge sofa. The floor was littered with bean bags and ottoman stools, filled with blankets and cushions. The walls were covered with photos of the nine of them, as an entire group or as splinter groups. James noticed, for the first time and with significant sadness, that there weren’t any just of him and Thomas. They had never been able to get along long enough for a photo to be taken. Maybe he could ask Fanny to put up the paintball photo. He didn’t care what Humphrey thought - it was a lovely photo of the best birthday that he had ever had.

James, without thinking, distracted by the photos probably, chose to sit next to Thomas. He desperately ignored the smug look on Humphrey’s face. While the others descended on the snacks like locusts, James settled himself onto the sofa. It was too late to move now, Thomas had noticed him and smiled in greeting. Thomas offered James a chocolate, so he took one. While he was doing so, Thomas wriggled up against him, putting his legs over his lap and settling his head against his chest. James felt Humphrey’s eyes on him again, but what was he supposed to do? He couldn’t very well push Thomas away. Not that he wanted to. He put his arms around Thomas and held him close. That was what he wanted to do, to hold Thomas close and never let him go. Not that it meant anything. Thomas hummed happily and fed him another chocolate. James kissed the top of his head. Humphrey threw his arms up into the air in exasperation before Robin grabbed his shoulder and gently shook his head.

Later that evening, Humphrey kept his mouth shut while he was driving James home. As James was about to get out of the car, however, he stopped him from doing so by grabbing his wrist. “Look. I’m only going to say this once. I think that your feelings for Thomas are quite a bit stronger than friendship. I suspect that you’re in love with him. I think you always have been. I also suspect that he’s in love with you. And I think that you know that. You’re a grown man and you can make your own decisions. As can Thomas. But your self-denial is getting harder and harder to watch. You could have it all, James. Everything you ever wanted. And I’m worried that you’ll end up with nothing. Just think about it, please. That’s all I’m asking. Just think about it.”

***

Friday 17 May

Julian was at Mary’s Café, deep in discussions with Kitty and Mary over the bakery counter, when Thomas collected the morning coffees on his way in to work. Kitty didn’t greet him, and handed the coffees over silently, refusing to meet his eye.

Thomas frowned. “What’s up, Kitty?”

“Nothing,” came the sullen reply. Thomas narrowed his eyes, about to protest that something was clearly wrong. Kitty never behaved like this. She was a bright beam of positivity and optimism, always. She was his best friend in the entire world and she was almost acting like she was cross with him about something. Thomas couldn’t even remember the last time that they’d had a fight, so he had nothing to compare it against.

“She’s mad at you for not making a move on our resident silver fox,” Julian told him, straightening his tie and fiddling with the cuffs of his navy blue blazer.

“Oh, for the love of… we’re just friends! Why is that so hard for the rest of you to accept? It’s exhausting having to have the same conversation over and over again!” Thomas exploded.

“Friends don’t cuddle like that while watching movies!” Julian shot back.

“Jules, please tell me that you are joking? Kitty and I cuddle while watching films all the time!” Thomas countered.

“It’s true, we do,” Kitty said in a small voice.

“No, this be different. There be… tensions with you and James,” Mary chipped in.

“Yeah, sexual tension Mare,” Julian said. “Believe me, I know what sexual tension looks like. They’ve got it by the bucketload. It’s electric.”

“Really? First we’re in love, now there’s electric sexual tension! It’s starting to feel a bit like a conspiracy, guys. You spent ages being mad at us for not being friends, and now you’re all mad at us because we are just friends! Do you all want us to be together or something?”

“Yes!” Kitty yelled. “Yes, we do! We all want you to be together! We always have!” Mary and Julian looked at her, aghast. She clapped her hands over her mouth in the way that she did when she had just inadvertently revealed a secret, and ran into the kitchen, sobbing. Thomas itched to follow and comfort her, but he needed to know the truth.

“You always have?” Thomas repeated, confused. Julian and Mary exchanged a glance. Mary raised an eyebrow. Julian sighed.

“I’m not quite sure why it seems to be me that’s drawn the short straw on this. But when you first moved here, Pat told us that he had met someone perfect for the Captain. James had just got past his messy break up with Adam, the first one that is, and we were all keen for him to move on. Pat hired you, introduced us to you, forced you into the group by hook or by crook. Some of us understood his vision faster than others…”

“Like Kitty!”

“Yes, thank you Mary. Some of us took longer. But yes. We got there eventually. We are all on the same page with this. We do all think that you and James would be…” Julian trailed off, his brow furrowing as he searched for the word he wanted.

“Extraordinary!”

“Well, quite. Nicely put, Mare.”

“Why?” Thomas demanded.

“Well, I… Jesus, Thomas, because we’re your friends and we love you both! Because you both deserve to be happy and because we think that you could make each other blissfully content. Because you have a crazy amount of things in common for two people who can be so different. You both want the same things in life. And for all the bickering and the fighting, you have demonstrated a unique capacity to understand each other. You both claim that it’s fake. That’s as may be. But to us, it’s what we imagined the real thing to look like. So it’s hard for us to watch you doing this.”

Mary picked up where Julian left off, brushing flour off of her blue apron. “Maybe we be projectings onto you boths, and maybe that be unfairs. But we feels neither of yous are being truthfuls about this. Not to each other and not to yourselves.”

Kitty reappeared in the doorway, mascara tracks running down her cheeks. “We don’t like Isabelle or Anthony,” she said quietly. “For you and James, I mean. As people, they’re fine.”

Thomas yanked the door open, preparing to stalk over the road to work. To the safety of James, who was apparently his only sane friend remaining. “Well, it’s too bad that your little puppets won’t cooperate then, isn’t it?”

***

James did think about it. He had spent a long and sleepless night thinking about it. He didn’t have feelings for Thomas! Did he?

Sure, when they first met, he had thought that Thomas was breathtakingly gorgeous. He was still the most beautiful man that James had ever seen, if he was being completely honest with himself. Anthony was handsome, sure, but even his rugged manliness didn’t compare to Thomas’ boyish charms. For a brief period of time, James had wanted Thomas. Badly. The physical attraction had never been the issue. It was Thomas’ personality that was the problem. They had very quickly proved just how incompatible they were. Thomas had hit on Fanny’s cousin Heather, and Adam had begged James for a second chance, and that had been it. The window for anything happening had long since passed. And they had been fighting like cats and dogs ever since, further cementing James’ opinion that they could never have been right together.

He and Thomas were now in a good place. They were finally friends. It didn’t mean anything that Thomas’ smile made his stomach flip when it caught him off guard, or that Thomas’ touches left fiery imprints on his skin, or that he felt possessive of Thomas around Isabelle in a way that he just couldn’t rationalise. They were both just playing a role. That’s all it was. All it would ever be.

But, for some reason that James couldn’t explain, he needed a second opinion. And he needed it from someone who wouldn’t be afraid to tell him exactly what everyone else was thinking.

At lunch, he slipped into the stockroom and he called Fanny.

“Oh, hello James. Robin and I were just grooming his sheepdogs ready for their show on Sunday. We won’t have time after your match tomorrow. How can I help?”

“Unless he call to confess, I don’t wanna hear it!” he heard Robin yell. Fanny tutted.

“My undying love for Thomas, presumably,” James snapped, letting his irritation seep into his tone. Robin was not the source of the second opinion he had wanted. He was too similar to Humphrey, so his opinion in this didn’t count.

“Well, yes. Have you called to confess?” Fanny asked bluntly.

“There isn’t anything to confess, Fanny.” She sighed again. “Really, Fan, there isn’t. But I just… I need to know. Does everyone really think that Thomas and I would be so great together? And why?”

“James, I don’t really know what to tell you. We’re all fairly shocking with love. Look at George and I. Julian and Margot, Pat and Carol, Humphrey and Sophie. Mary and Robin are the happy exception to the rule, really, but not before Mary had been through the mill with her previous husband and Robin had been exposed to significant heartbreak. Oh, and Kitty, who doesn’t want a relationship and is perfectly fine how she is. The point is, none of us are exactly experts on the subject. But we’ve all found contentment with how our lives actually are. You and Thomas have not. You and Thomas have always been… desperate for love and for a lasting romantic relationship in a way that the rest of us just aren’t. There hasn’t been a time since we met Thomas that the rest of us didn’t think that you would be perfect for each other. Granted, the charge on that was led by Pat, and some of us took a bit of convincing, but he is right. You just understand each other. You balance each other out. The chemistry is undeniable, even if it has previously been manifesting itself in your arguments and constant bickering. The only reason that we put up with it for so long was in the hopes that it would lead you to each other eventually. I know that you think that love isn’t going to happen for you. I know that you’ll say that you’ve known each other for too long, that you have too much history. But who is to say that you can’t have your fairytale ending? Some relationships are indeed disastrous, but many are not. You don’t know what something is going to be until you give it a try. All anybody really wants is for you to be open to the possibility, and to give it a try.”

“And if I gave it a try with Anthony?” James asked, swallowing past the lump in his throat.

“We’d support you James, of course we would. We love you unconditionally. But I for one would be bitterly disappointed. He’s a nice enough chap, but he’s not for you. There’s no spark there.”

James smiled ruefully. “Sparks are overrated, Fanny. You know that better than anyone.”

Chapter Text

Saturday 18 May

“Oh, there they are!” Kitty squealed, grabbing Thomas’ arm and towing him through the cricket ground stands to where Robin and Mary were sat, her pink summer dress flapping in the slight breeze. Julian and Fanny were meant to be joining them at some point. Pat was stuck at work. Thomas and Kitty had arrived with James. James and Thomas had put on yet another show to elicit jealous scowls off of Anthony and frustrated glances from both Kitty and Humphrey. Thomas was just glad that they had both kept their mouths shut. James didn’t need the additional pressure today.

James had been particularly worried about today’s match. Apparently, Anthony used to play for the other team for a short while, and had given very little away beyond the fact that they played very well. Anthony just abruptly changed the topic of conversation whenever anyone tried to dig for further information. James was finding it incredibly anxiety-inducing. Thomas had spent a large portion of his previous evening on a video call with James, just keeping him company so that he would be less stressed. They had fallen asleep still on the call. Thomas had woken up that morning to the sound of James’ alarm and the sight of James’ silver sleep-rumpled hair falling into his gorgeous blue eyes.

Thomas loaded up on Pimm’s before settling down between Kitty and Mary to lounge in the sunshine. Thomas had surprised himself last time by really enjoying watching James play. This match was no different. James was always capable, but he was different out there on the pitch. It was almost the same way that he was on the occasions when Thomas had seen him with a weapon. Athletic, strong, focussed. It really was a thing to behold, and it was difficult for Thomas to tear his eyes away from him. It made Thomas feel really nervous, but in a pleasant way. Plus, any excuse to bask in the sun with his friends and a glass of Pimm’s was alright by him.

Thomas led the cheers from their little gang whenever James hit a six or a four, which was often. Thomas noted with no small amount of relish that Anthony, who was the other opening batsman, was caught out relatively early on. Humphrey stepped up to the crease to replace him. With both of their boys out there, both playing exceptionally well, they got more and more jubilant and excited. Julian and Fanny’s arrival made it worse. Thomas could tell that their enthusiasm was pissing off the other team, but he didn’t care. All that mattered was the pleased grin on James’ face.

James’ team batted first, setting a comfortably large score before they swapped, leaving it up to the bowling and fielding. Anthony seemed to shrug off his abysmal batting experience, and came out fighting with his bowling. Even Thomas could tell that he was blindingly brilliant. Thomas would have been jealous, but James wasn’t really paying all that much attention to Anthony. Every second that he wasn’t concentrating on the game was spent smiling in Thomas’ direction. James caught one batsman out, Humphrey caught two. Their team won by a large margin again.

Thomas couldn’t launch himself at James as quickly once the match ended when the others were around. Not when Mary was chatting away to him and Kitty had hold of his hand. He forced himself to make his way onto the pitch with them instead of racing ahead.

As they were making their way over to James and Humphrey, Kitty let go of his hand to gesticulate wildly in conversation with Fanny, and Thomas found himself walking beside Julian. Julian pushed his aviators up his nose and started to tell Thomas how the construction of his swimming pool was going. Thomas was looking forward to their inevitable garden pool parties once it was finished. Having seen James fresh out of the shower that one time, Thomas knew that James would look good in swimming trunks with his hair that darker grey it went when it was wet and roughly towel dried and with rogue droplets of water running down his muscular chest…

Thomas was knocked into by someone from the other team, who was heading in the same direction as he was. He fell forwards and was caught by a strong hand. He looked up to see Anthony. “You ok, Thomas?”

“Thanks, Anthony, I’m fine.” There was an awkward silence. “You played really well today.”

Anthony scoffed. “No, I played like shit. You don’t have to be a cricketer to know that.”

Thomas protested, his natural sense of justice overcoming his mild dislike for the man. “No, that’s not true! You were crap at the batting today, I’ll grant you, but you were a phenomenal bowler!”

Anthony smiled gratefully, but as he opened his mouth to respond, a voice that Thomas didn’t recognise boomed over the heads of the small crowd gathering on the pitch. “Oh Havers, how like you! You’ve found yourself the prettiest twink here to flirt with!” The tone was not playful banter, but that of an outraged dig. Anthony stared at the ground, his face immediately going white with extreme embarrassment and shock. Thomas whipped around to see that the speaker was the man who had barged into him. He had cornered a clearly uncomfortable James into a conversation. “Really, Captain, it’s such a shame that you’ve let a man like this play for your team! A ruddy disgrace to the uniform! I know that you wouldn’t have tolerated such a man in your unit when we served together.”

James went red. “What the bally hell are you talking about, Cartwright?” Anthony was taking shallow, fast breaths, clearly on the verge of a serious panic attack. Thomas felt his chest constrict in sympathy. He had been publicly humiliated enough times to know what it felt like. Thomas stepped closer to Anthony, offering up a water bottle from Fanny’s stash and encouraging him to take a sip.

“Oh, is that your boyfriend, Havers? Disgraceful. I don’t know why they let perverts like you into the Army. You disgrace the very name of ‘soldier’. You probably slept your way into the rank of Major, didn’t you? Taking hard earned promotions away from real men like myself and the Captain here by tempting good officers into your life of debauchery and sin!” Suddenly, Anthony’s bad play earlier made sense to Thomas. Looking back, Thomas was sure that this man had been bowling when Anthony had been caught out. The man clearly unnerved him, and for good reason. If Anthony had played alongside this man, shared a dressing room with him, well… Thomas could only imagine the levels of discrimination and homophobia that he had faced.

Thomas felt white hot rage course through his veins. He couldn’t stand around and let Anthony be publicly humiliated. Not in front of James, who Thomas knew had struggled with his own sexuality for a long time due to men like this. Thomas was surrounded by his friends. Let the man come for him, he wouldn’t get close enough to do any damage.

“Real men don’t feel the need to bully other people,” Thomas said loudly, staring the man down.“Real men recognise that other people’s sexuality isn’t threatening to them at all. Although I don’t know what it is that you’re worried about. No self-respecting gay man would want to fuck you.” The man went puce with anger. Thomas pressed on. “I know your type. Closeted, aren’t we? A public school boy, raised as a good Christian, before you joined the Army with the sole intention of climbing as high up the ranks as you could get as quickly as you could. You probably had a few fumbles with the lads in your dormitory or the men in your unit, which couldn’t possibly be counted as gay because there were no girls around, so it was all you could get. Well, just so that you know, sucking your mate’s cock at boarding school or on camp is gay, regardless of what you tell yourself. The availability or otherwise of women doesn’t make it any less gay. And no amount of bullying other people is going to prevent that from being true.”

“I’m not gay! I’m happily married, thank you very much!” the man spluttered.

“Oh, well, do pass along my condolences to your wife. I’m sure that she’s thrilled at being married to you. Such an enlightened and accepting man as yourself is obviously not a raging misogynist who wouldn’t know how to pleasure a woman in the bedroom unless someone drew you a map to her clitoris.”

The small crowd, who had been watching the exchange like hawks, erupted into laughter. The man snarled in rage. “Havers, control your boy toy. Or I’ll pound him into next week.” He stepped towards Thomas aggressively, clenching his fists. Thomas held his ground, glaring with loathing straight back at him. He felt, rather than saw, Julian and Robin flank him, ready to defend him if necessary.

But then James put himself between the man and Thomas, his stormy eyes flashing and his strong jaw tense. “He doesn’t belong to Anthony, Cartwright. He’s mine.”

***

“He’s mine,” James said it with no small amount of pride. Thomas - beautiful, kind, funny, intelligent Thomas - was his. Thomas, who looked exactly like the kind of man that Cartwright would target while wearing his ridiculous pride flag trousers and his Freddie Mercury t-shirt. Thomas, who’d had the courage to stand up to Cartwright in a way that James never had. Thomas, who had completely humiliated Cartwright with a few well placed insults that belied the total insight that he had gained into his character in a matter of seconds. Thomas, who had never given the impression that he liked Anthony all that much, but who was still willing to dive into the fray to defend him from homophobia.

Thomas, who James was completely and utterly in love with.

The realisation almost bowled James over. He loved Thomas. He had always loved Thomas, from the second that he had walked into Pat’s bookshop, all those years ago. James had fallen totally, crazily, head over heels in love with him, at first sight. And he hadn’t stopped loving him ever since. The others were right. James had been wrong. How had it taken him this long to realise it?

Cartwright stammered, drawing James’ attention back to the matter at hand. James was extremely aware of Thomas’ presence behind him, how close he was standing, the heat radiating off of him. “But you… you’re not gay! You were my commanding officer for three years, I think I’d have noticed if you were gay!”

“Contrary to popular belief, Cartwright, a CO does not have to share every facet of his private life with his men. You didn’t know about my sexuality because I chose not to tell you about it.” James managed to keep his voice much calmer than he felt. His mind was racing, his heart was thumping in his chest. “I knew that there would be some small-minded bigot such as yourself who would make me regret it. I didn’t feel able to live my life out of the closet until I left the Army.” It wasn’t the full story, but it was close enough. Cartwright didn’t need to know about James’ father.

James felt a light touch at his back. Thomas. Thomas knew all about James’ father. James knew that Thomas’ touch was meant to reassure him, to let him know that he wasn’t alone, despite having made the choice to cut contact with his family a long time ago. It was meant to let him know that his found family were all around him. It sent waves of electricity through him, and a rush of longing. James was so tired of being alone, of being without Thomas in the way that he wanted him.

He gave into the feeling. Right then, in that moment, Thomas belonged to him. James wrapped his arm around Thomas’ waist, pulling him close to his side. He angled his body so that he was still between Cartwright and Thomas. He could see Kitty and Humphrey taking care of Anthony out of the corner of his eye. That’s very good. Cartwright had obviously been vile to him. Mary and Fanny were restraining Robin and Julian, who had murderous looks in their eyes. Not that Fanny or Mary looked any less murderous.

“I don’t believe you,” Cartwright scoffed.

“I don’t really care if you believe me or not. I have been living as a proud gay man for almost a decade of my life, ever since my medical discharge eight years ago. This is my partner, Thomas. He is a proud bisexual man. He makes me very happy, and I intend to make him very happy for a very long time. Your judgement makes very little difference to my life. I would, however, request that you don’t bully members of my team. If you have nothing nice to say, you can leave. The match is over, so there’s nothing keeping you. It was, as always Cartwright, a pleasure wiping the floor with your face.”

Cartwright had nothing to say to that. He sneered, and walked away. The other team quickly left the field. James made sure that Anthony was alright, helping his friends and his teammates to calm him down. He maintained a tight grip on Thomas as he did so. Thomas rubbed his hand up and down his spine reassuringly, seemingly more than happy for James to keep him in his arms. James struggled to leave to go to the clubhouse to get changed out of his cricket whites, not wanting to let Thomas out of his sight for even a second now that he had come to his realisation.

Eventually, James followed Humphrey back to the changing room and changed his clothes mechanically, not focussed on his surroundings at all. When he was dressed back in joggers and his cricket club t-shirt, he waited for Humphrey, sat with his head in his hands. James didn’t notice that everyone else in the team had left and that it was just the two of them. Humphrey gently removed his hands from his face, forcing James to look at him. James stared at him wildly. “Humphrey. You were right. What the fuck am I going to do?”

***

Tuesday 21 May

Thomas was alone in the shop, James having run to get lunch, and Pat being on his day off, when the door bell tingled, alerting him to the fact that someone had entered. It wasn’t James back from the café yet, he would have announced his presence. It had to be a customer. Thomas straightened up from where he had been placing some books back on a shelf, and headed to the counter.

“Anthony!” Thomas stopped in his tracks. Fuck. Thomas did not want to deal with this.

“Oh, hi Thomas,” Anthony looked deflated. “What are you doing here?”

Thomas felt like laughing but kept it in. “I work here.” He gestured to his chest, emblazoned with the bookshop’s branding.

“You work with James? I don’t think I ever registered that before.”

Thomas nodded. “It’s how we met.” Technically, it wasn’t a lie. He had met James at Pat’s shop, before he had been introduced to him outside of work as part of the group. Their first fight had been in this shop. The only physical fight that they’d ever had had taken place there as well. He supposed that their friendship had been forged on that day, when they had come up with their scheme. It was as much a part of their history as it was of Pat’s.

“Isn’t that awkward?” Anthony shuffled uncomfortably.

“For who?” Thomas raised an eyebrow. The silence was deafening. For Anthony, clearly, who had obviously been hoping for a moment alone with James without Thomas’ presence. Thomas felt a surge of jealousy and pushed it down. It’s not real. It’s a sly thing to do, but you’re not really his boyfriend. There isn’t anything for him to undermine. Thomas stalked to the counter, and busied himself with tidying up the gift card selection.

James slammed the door open, loaded down with coffee, sandwiches and cake. Mary had obviously given him a bunch of leftovers again. It was quite an effective business strategy, forcing her friends to take all of the waste so that it didn’t have to be thrown away. It certainly allowed her to claim that the café was environmentally friendly. And it meant that Thomas hadn’t paid for a lunch in five years. “Honey, I’m home!” James teased, but froze when he saw Anthony. Strangely, he didn’t look that pleased to see him.

Thomas ran forward to divest James of some of his burden, setting it on the counter behind him. He snatched his own caramel iced latte and took a long sip, hoping that the caffeine and sugar would settle his sudden nerves. “Ow, brain freeze!”

“You absolute doughnut, I’ve told you repeatedly that it’s called iced coffee for a reason!” James set the rest of his haul down on the counter and reached for Thomas, pulling him against his chest and absentmindedly stroking his curls before he even seemed to realise what he was doing. James was now completely ignoring Anthony, as if he had totally forgotten about his existence. Thomas wondered if this was a new strategy that he hadn’t had time to discuss with Thomas yet.

“Can we help you, Anthony?” Thomas asked, his tone a bit more catty than he had intended. He’s not intruding. He is a customer, I am at work, and we are not a couple. Thomas must keep reminding himself about that. James didn’t really belong to him.

“Oh, well I… just wanted to talk to James about what happened on Saturday. Actually, it’s good that you’re here, Thomas. I wanted to thank you. For sticking up for me in front of Cartwright. You didn’t have to do that. I know that we’re not exactly close, we’re friends because I’m friends with James and you two are… together. So, thank you. I owe you one.”

Thomas faltered uncomfortably under the praise, and pressed himself closer to James. You could pay me back by backing off and leaving James alone! Thomas didn’t like how Anthony had waited for James to be there before he had said anything to Thomas about it. They weren’t friends. Friends wouldn’t go behind each other’s backs like that. Thomas really did not like Anthony at all. “There’s really no need to thank me. Honestly, I would have done it for anyone. I just don’t like bullies.”

James laughed. “He really would, you know. Thomas is always running his mouth to defend people. It’s one of the things I like best about him.” There was an oddly fond lilt to James’ words, as if it were true. Thomas knew that it couldn’t be - James hated it when he piped up with something to say, forcing the others to back him up. It had caused innumerable arguments in the past when James had been obligated to prevent someone from punching Thomas in the face.

“I’m still grateful. James, I’d just like to explain about Cartwright,” Anthony hadn’t even looked at Thomas since James had entered the shop.

James cut in. “You really don’t have to, Anthony. There’s nothing to explain. I promise you that no one on our team is going to judge you because of comments made by someone like him.”

Anthony coughed, glanced at Thomas, then seemed to make a decision. “I just wouldn’t want you to think any less of me. You’ve made me feel so welcome, so included, ever since coming here. I enjoy spending time with you… and your friends.”

“Yes, well. Barclay assigned me as your buddy. He’ll be glad to know that his initiative has worked,” James replied, running a hand through his hair uneasily.

The bell rang as a customer entered, and Thomas disentangled himself from James, grateful for the excuse to leave the conversation. If it had been real, he would have been furious with James for not shutting it down. Anthony was blatantly flirting, he had obviously come to see James with the express purpose of telling James how fantastic he was. It was true, James was amazing, but it wasn’t the point. Anthony wasn’t scared of doing it directly in front of Thomas, despite their relationship status. And James was letting him.

“Hi Thomas,” Isabelle smiled at him, her face lighting up. “I’ve been sent to collect some books so that we can honour a few requests we’ve had that we don’t already have copies of. I’d be very grateful for your help!” She offered up a list to him. Thomas took it and glanced over it. Pat was now selling books to the library at a considerable discount, lower even than wholesale prices, the ridiculous man.

“It would be my pleasure,” Thomas replied, truthfully. Anything to get him away from the look of longing on Anthony’s face as he talked to James. He certainly didn’t want to know if that look of longing was mirrored on James’ face.

***

The sad truth was that James just didn’t know how to act around Thomas any more. He seemed to have lost the ability to use his words entirely, and besides, he wouldn’t even know where to begin to explain the complexities of his feelings for Thomas. How on earth was he supposed to find the words to say ‘oh, hey, I know that we’ve been enemies for five years and proper friends for about five weeks, but it turns out that I’ve actually secretly been in love with you that entire time so how would you feel about dating me for real?’. He wanted to grab him and kiss him instead, but the ease with which they casually touched each other now meant that it wouldn’t be taken for the declaration that James needed it to be. The irony of the situation was not lost on James. Humphrey had tried to warn him.

He resolved to wean himself off of the touching and the kissing so that he could try to catch Thomas unaware. But finally admitting to himself how he felt had made it difficult not to touch Thomas. If anything, he was kissing him more. He was kissing him when there was no one else around to see it.

After Isabelle and Anthony had finally left the shop, James had enjoyed a lunch break with Thomas. They had locked the door, turned the sign to “Closed” and lounged in the armchairs while they ate. As they were tidying up, Thomas had flashed him a brilliant lopsided smile that had made James’ stomach twist. He had grabbed Thomas and pulled him up against him, kissing him deeply. Thomas had sighed and relaxed into the embrace, kissing James back fiercely, his fingers twisting into his hair. It had made James breathless, and desperate for more. He had pulled his mouth away, about to start kissing Thomas down his neck, unchartered territory that certainly would have crossed a line, when Thomas asked him if it had been Anthony or Isabelle who had walked past.

He might as well have stuck a knife into James’ chest and twisted it.

Every time that James thought that Thomas might feel the same way that he did, Thomas brought up Isabelle or Anthony in the conversation. The others would tell him that Thomas was in stubborn self-denial, but James wasn’t so sure. Thomas definitely did not like Anthony, that much was obvious, but it was hard to tell if it was fuelled by jealousy or not. And Thomas genuinely liked Isabelle, you could see that in every facet of his body language when she was around. But it was hard to tell if it was friendship, like with Alison (not like with Fanny or Mary, and certainly not like with Kitty. Those relationships were all far more intense) or something more.

James wasn’t sure how he got through the rest of the work day with no Pat to distract him from staring at Thomas and obsessing over his feelings for Thomas. He was about to make good his escape when Thomas called out to him. “Would you like to come to mine for dinner, darling? Only I bought a stupid amount of stuff to make fajitas for Kitty and I, but she’s had to cancel because Eleanor has decided that she’s free tonight.” James rolled his eyes. They all detested Kitty’s selfish older sister. “I’ll be eating them all week if you don’t take some off my hands.”

James knew that it was a bad idea, but he did want to do that actually. Thomas lived no more than a ten minute walk from the High Street, so they walked back to his home hand in hand. James had always loved Thomas’ little cottage, with the wisteria growing up the walls and the rose trellis front garden. It truly reflected the charm and character of its occupier, and it sure beat James’ soulless new build further from the village centre. James knew that Thomas could only afford the rent as a single man on his bookshop salary with the help of his parents.

The ground floor had a small galley kitchen, a separate dining room and a spacious lounge complete with a wood burner ideal for cold winter evenings. He had a large back garden, which was mostly grass, as unlike James, Thomas did not have green fingers and struggled to keep plants alive. Apart from the roses in the front garden, which seemed to have a life of their own. James knew that upstairs were two good sized bedrooms, including the master, a bathroom, and a small box third bedroom that Thomas had set up as a home library. Despite not being real friends before their plot, they had been to each other’s homes with the group enough to know their way around.

Thomas kicked his trainers off and immediately went through into the kitchen, switching on the kettle to make them tea, and grabbing red bell peppers, tomatoes and lettuce from the fridge, and red onions out of a cupboard. “Can I help?” James asked, not wanting to be told to go and sit in the lounge alone while Thomas cooked.

“Sure! You can do the chicken? Kitty normally does that, I hate touching raw meat.” James did know that, actually. It was why Thomas never got involved in the grilling arguments at the group barbecues. He was happy to grill halloumi or peppers and could sauté garlic mushrooms expertly, but he never touched the uncooked meat.

“How do you do it when you don’t have a hero like Kitty here to help you?” James teased.

Thomas laughed. “I don’t usually eat meat or fish on my own unless it is breaded and frozen. But if I need to, I use a fork to get it out of the packet and hold it while I cut it.” He shot James a flirtatious look from under his eyelashes. “Luckily for me, a big strong man is here to help me today!” He stepped closer, tilting his head up. “You’ll have to come over for dinner more often, darling.”

James felt his heart pound in his chest. He wanted to lean down and kiss him, and he was fairly sure that it was what Thomas was angling for. A heat rose up through his body and desire shot through his veins, making his skin prickle. James didn’t move, knowing that if he kissed Thomas he wouldn’t be able to stop. Thomas smirked and went back to his task. James blinked, trying to calm down his racing heart.

James wanted Thomas. He wanted to kiss him senseless and rip his clothes off. He wanted to carry him up the stairs, toss him onto his bed and have his way with him. He wanted to possess him, to take him as his own over and over and over again. He wanted to erase everything else until it was just Thomas and him, with no space left between them for anyone or anything else.

James swallowed, and made a new determination. Instead of blurring the boundaries between real and fake even further, he needed to just remove the boundaries altogether. He needed to make Thomas forget all about Isabelle.

He needed to make Thomas fall in love with him.

Chapter Text

Friday 24 May

Thomas was kissing James in the stockroom at work. James’ tongue was in his mouth, his muscular arms wrapped around Thomas, pressing him against his strong chest. Thomas’ hands slipped between them, unbuckling James’ belt and unzipping his jeans. Thomas sank to his knees before James and…

Thomas woke up with a start, sitting bolt upright in his bed. He was panting and sweaty, painfully aware of certain parts of his anatomy. It seemed that he had only just woken up in time to prevent himself from having an embarrassing wet dream. Now he was dreaming about having sex with James? What on earth was his brain doing? 

He glanced to his right and saw the gigantic bear that James had won for him at the carnival on May Day. That must explain it. He had obviously fallen asleep next to the thing, and it must have confused him because it still smelled like James and it was almost as big as a human being. Thomas pulled it towards him and sniffed it, letting the comfort wash over him. It definitely still smelled like James - not just his cologne but that undeniable underlying scent that was just James. Thomas snuggled back down under his covers with the bear. He could almost pretend that he was being held in strong, capable arms, his head against a warm, muscular chest.

Just as he was drifting back off to sleep, his thoughts swirling with silver and blue, his alarm jolted him back awake. Damn it! Thomas sighed and hauled himself up, giving the bear one last sniff as he did so. He needed to push aside the weirdness of his dream and carry on with his day.

But, of course, it was all he could think about all day. He had blushed so furiously when he saw James that morning that Pat had asked him if he was ill and had kept trying to take his temperature in case he was feverish. Which, of course, led to James fussing around him as well. Thomas had kept sneaking glances at James, wondering what it was about him that had made Thomas dream about doing that with him. To him. Which only made him blush harder.

While they were stood side by side behind the counter, filling the register with a new receipt roll (always a two person job as it was so bloody fiddly), James caught one of those glances, and smiled shyly at him, raising an eyebrow. Thomas, flustered, dropped the receipt roll on the floor. James knelt to pick it up, his knees clicking, and Thomas’ overactive imagination went to a very bad place. He scrambled backwards, his pulse racing, instantly blushing the colour of a tomato. There was no excuse for it. It hadn’t even been James doing that in his dream, it had been him on his knees for James.

“Tom, are you ok?” James asked, reaching for his hand. Thomas couldn’t speak. He didn’t know what to say. It wasn’t normal to get a semi at work because a friend and colleague knelt down to pick something up. Thank god he was wearing his loose fitting pride flag trousers, and not something more exposing. Thomas was saved from his embarrassment, and from the need to provide an explanation, by Pat running out of the office, blind panic on his face.

“Guys, I need a massive favour. Carol’s been taken to hospital in an emergency and stupid Morris is on a business trip. I can’t leave her there on her own!”

“You can,” Thomas said dryly. “But you won’t.”

“Tom’s right. You’re too good to her,” James sniffed.

“Lads, please! I can’t! This is Daley’s mother!” He ignored their matching eye rolls. “I’ve got to go, can you manage the shop without me, please? And I’d be so grateful if one of you could pick Daley up from school and if you could watch him until I get back!” Pat was gone without waiting for an answer, knowing that they would have his back despite their protests. They hated Carol but they loved Pat, and would do anything for him.

At 3pm, Thomas went to pick Daley up, leaving James to manage the bookshop. Thomas was to go straight back to work with Daley. Pat had called the school, so Thomas had no problems passing through the school gates to collect Daley. Thomas didn’t even need to call to Daley on the playground, he came running straight over as soon as he saw Thomas, throwing his arms around him. “Uncle Tom!”

“Hey, buddy. You’re with me today, Mum and Dad are a little busy at the moment, ok?” Daley nodded, happily taking his hand, asking no awkward questions. James was waiting in the shop for them, with a mug of tea for Thomas and a hot chocolate for Daley. He had found the kid a great book on tanks while Thomas had been out, and he sat Daley up on the counter so that he could go through it with him. Daley was studying the Second World War in his history classes, and had taken a real liking to the subject matter. Pat was trying to wean him off of his hyper-fixation with dinosaurs, so was encouraging it as much as possible. Thomas spent the rest of his afternoon watching James teach Daley all about tanks and answering all of his questions patiently, a strange flutter rising in his chest.

Pat hadn’t come back by the time they needed to close Fit to Print. “What do we do?” Thomas hissed at James.

“Back to yours and order some pizza? We could stick a film on or something? I know a great animated film about World War Two carrier pigeons that Daley would love. I don’t have any plans, so I can stick around for as long as it takes for Pat to come to get him. We’ll just text Pat and let him know where we are.”

Thomas hugged him gratefully. “Oh, James, thank you! I love Daley, but he’s started asking me about Carol and I just don’t know what to say. I’m scared of saying the wrong thing.”

“Pat asked both of us, Tom. I won’t just abandon you to it,” James grimaced, clearly hurt by the thought.

“Darling, I know you wouldn’t! It doesn’t mean I’m any less grateful to have you,” Thomas whirled around to get Daley ready to go. He didn’t see the look of longing that crossed James’ face.

***

Sunday 26 May

James was woken at 8am by his phone ringing. He hadn’t been sleeping well, as his sleep was plagued by constant dreams of Thomas, both soft and domestic and those distinctly more x-rated, so he had decided to forgo his Sunday morning run in favour of a few more hours in bed. So much for best laid plans. He blearily grabbed his phone from his bedside table. “Hello?” he answered, groggily, not bothering to check the caller ID. Which was a mistake.

“James, I need you!” It was Thomas. James’ heart skipped a beat at his words. He was instantly awake. I need you too. So badly. Before he could say anything, Thomas continued. “Pat has just dropped Daley at mine so that he can go back to the hospital with Carol and I don’t know what to do. I can’t be responsible for him all day on my own. I’ve babysat before but this is a whole day. I know that you have plans with Humphrey, and I’m sorry to ask, but please, James, I need you.”

“I’ll be there in 15 minutes!” James did have plans with Humphrey, to go shopping in the nearest town, but there was no way that he could let Thomas down. Not when he was telling James that he needed him. James wasn’t strong enough to resist that.

James had a quick shower and got dressed, chucking on jeans and a light blue button down. He put his phone into the hands free in his car, and called Humphrey, who picked up straight away. “Good morning, Humph. Sorry it’s last minute, but I’m going to have to cancel our trip to town today.”

“Why?” Humphrey was instantly suspicious. James sighed, knowing that he had a right to be.

“Thomas needs me. He’s been dumped with Daley because Pat is too nice to tell his cheating ex-wife to piss off and deal with her own issues.”

“James, are you crazy? A whole day alone with Thomas is not really what you need right now, is it?” James didn’t say anything. Humphrey pressed on. “Let me guess, you think that your little white knight act is going to make him realise that he’s desperately in love with you?” James stayed silent. He really couldn’t deny it. Humphrey knew him too well. “Oh, for the love of… ok, fine. Bring Thomas and Daley with you. Things are getting busier on the farm and I don’t have another day to spare so that I can go. You promised, so you’re coming. But they can come too if you think that being Tom’s hero is going to save you from just using your words like a normal person. I’ll come by his cottage to pick you up at 11am.” Humphrey hung up.

James arrived at Thomas’ cottage three minutes earlier than he said he would be. Thomas yanked open the door and threw himself into James’ arms. “Oh, thank god. What do 9 year olds eat for breakfast? I only have granola and yoghurt!” Thomas was still in his pyjamas and slippers, his hair sticking up at odd angles. He was completely and heart-wrenchingly adorable. James fought down the urge to brush his fingers through Thomas’ curls to tidy them up.

James slipped his shoes off and padded into Thomas’ kitchen. He poked around for a bit, knowing that Thomas did his food shopping on a Monday and there was likely to be very little available. “You also have Pop Tarts, that would be a winner. Or I can make omelettes? You have plenty of eggs and cheese. And there’s ham, or we can use these leftover mushrooms.”

“You can? Oh, I love omelettes, I’ve never been able to make them!” Thomas’ face lit up and James felt his stomach swoop. Thomas really had no idea what his smile did to James.

“Ok, well go and get Daley, and I’ll teach you both how to make them!” James grinned fondly at Thomas’ enthusiasm, as he dragged a reluctant Daley into the kitchen. James swore that the boy looked between him and Thomas and rolled his eyes exasperatedly. Sometimes he was just too eerily like his father.

Thomas’ cream kitchen cabinets ended up covered in egg, and James would have to borrow a pair of socks as he had stepped in it, but he thought that it was worth it for the look of sheer happiness on Thomas’ face. Daley, the chaos merchant responsible for the egg explosion, ran off to watch tv until Humphrey arrived as soon as he had eaten. The boy had, unsurprisingly, been more keen on the idea of going to town shopping with his three uncles than on learning to cook his own breakfast. James lingered with Thomas, and insisted on helping him clean the kitchen.

“Really, James, you don’t have to! You’ve already cooked for me… for us, I mean.” James rather thought that Thomas had it right the first time. It was all for Thomas. Everything he did was for Thomas.

James noticed that Thomas had a bit of egg shell in his curls. He slowly moved towards him, staring deeply into Thomas’ eyes. “Uh, you’ve got… can I just, um…” he stuttered, reaching out a hand to take it out. He gently removed it, his hand lingering near Thomas’ face. Then Thomas was in his arms, and they were kissing. He wasn’t sure who had moved first. It didn’t matter. He backed Thomas into the counter, pinning him against it. Thomas wrapped his arms around James’ neck and moaned into his mouth. James lifted him up so that he was perched on the edge of the counter, stepping in between Thomas’ legs and deepening the kiss. This is it, James thought. He has to know, this kiss, it’s real, it’s more than the stupid game that we’ve been playing, he must feel it too, I love him, I…

“Good morning,” Humphrey’s voice made them jump. He was early. Very early. Daley appeared in the doorway behind him and raised an eyebrow in a manner far too grown up for his age. James took a large step backwards, away from Thomas, who slipped down off of the counter. “Looks like you got more egg on the floor than in the pan,” Humphrey shot a pointed look at James and stuck his hands in the pockets of his dungarees, faking nonchalance. “But you know what they say. You can’t make an omelette without breaking a few eggs!” James ignored him.

Pat collected Daley at around 7pm. They had spent a long day in town shopping, and Thomas and James had scrounged up some pesto pasta, garlic bread and salad for dinner. Daley was sat snoozing on the sofa between them when Pat arrived. To his credit, although he looked surprised to see James, he said nothing about it.

After they left, Thomas did not seem to be in any rush to kick James out. “Can I get you a glass of wine? I think I might have some whiskey lying around somewhere as well, if you fancy it? Or a cup of tea?”

“A tea would be great, thank you.” As much as he would love a whiskey, James needed to stay in control of himself and not lose his inhibitions. Besides, he would have to drive himself home later. James turned the tv back on and put on some silly comedy, a re-run of a panel show called ‘Taskmaster’, or something. Thomas came in, holding a mug of tea for James and a glass of red wine for himself, which he placed on the coffee table. Despite having a huge corner sofa with loads of room on it, Thomas sat next to James, curling his long legs up underneath himself as he leaned into James. James automatically put his arm around him, and Thomas snuggled in, wrapping an arm around James’ waist and settling his head on his chest.

“Thank you, darling. I couldn’t have got through today without you. I’m so lucky to have a friend like you.”

A friend. James could cry with frustration. “Thomas I…” He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t ruin what they already had. “I’d do it any time, sweetheart. You only have to call.” He was going to be stuck in this purgatory forever. And he had no-one to blame but himself.

***

Tuesday 28 May

Thomas won the coin toss to put his music on using the shop’s speakers on Tuesday in Pat’s absence. They didn’t always have music on, but Thomas was in the mood to dance as he worked. James readily agreed, but complained like crazy when Thomas pressed play on his EDM playlist. Thomas ignored him and danced around the store. He grabbed James’ hands and forced him to dance as well.

Suddenly, with the change of a song to one that even James would have to recognise as being by the Vengaboys, James flushed a furious shade of red. “Tom, I’m not sure that it’s appropriate to be playing songs about sex at work.” He tried to pull away from dancing with Thomas. Thomas didn’t let him.

“Why? It’s just you and me in here.” James looked as if he rather thought that that was the problem. Thomas moved closer. He stared up at James, leaning in, not sure what it was that he wanted to happen or why. Maybe a repeat of their kiss at the weekend? That had felt… different somehow. The door bell went off to signal that someone had entered. Damn it. He hadn’t known what he had wanted, but it definitely wasn’t a customer interrupting them.

“Thomas, turn this infernal racket off at once!” It was Fanny, her tone almost as sharp as the lines of the light grey trouser suit that she wore on top of a lavender blouse. Great. Her timing could not be any worse. Thomas sighed and grabbed his phone off of the counter. As he paused the music, he received a phone call from his sister. She never called during work hours. This can’t be good.

“Oh, sorry, I’m just going to take this, it’s Amy! Be right back!” He knew that James would cope with whatever Fanny threw at him. Thomas slipped into the stockroom. “Amelia! It’s been a while, how are things?”

“Tom, I need you to confirm whether you’re using your plus one next weekend? I have to confirm numbers with the caterers today. And before you say anything, Mum and Dad have been asking Chris and I whether we know if you’re bringing this new guy that you’ve been seeing. I know it’s new, but should I tell them yes? We’d all quite like to meet him!”

Thomas sucked in a breath of air as his blood turned to ice. “You know about James?”

“Oh please, you live like two villages away from Mum and Dad. I’ve told you before that it’s too close for you to be able to keep secrets. The rumours have been around for ages, and apparently you were spotted in town at the weekend by their neighbour. You know the one, the curtain twitcher who knows everyone’s business, Joy or something like that. I heard that you’re practically eye-fucking him everywhere you go and that you can’t keep your hands off of each other. People have been talking about your off-the-charts chemistry. You’ve made yourself very conspicuous. I am a bit hurt that you didn’t call me or Chris to tell us that you were seeing someone. Secretive is not a good look on you, Tommy. But you can resolve that by promising me that he’s coming to my wedding!”

Thomas felt the panic set in at her words. He couldn’t ask James to go with him to his sister’s wedding. That wasn’t part of their agreement! It was a romantic date with no chance of bumping into either Isabelle or Anthony. Thomas was already struggling with boundaries, and this wasn’t going to help him to avoid overstepping further. Besides which, it was an entire weekend with his insane family, and James had a cricket match. “Uh, I’m not sure that he’s free, Amy. I might have a friend who can come with me though.”

“Thomas, you are not inviting your bestie to my wedding. I like Kitty, but she’s not my friend and there’s a reason she wasn’t invited to the wedding already. I told you, romantic interests and partners only. You have James, so bring him. Make sure that he becomes free. I don’t know, threaten to withhold sexual favours or something, just make sure that he’s there! I will have a bridezilla-style meltdown if you don’t. I’m not joking. Any allergies or dietary requirements that I need to know about?”

“No,” Thomas replied faintly. He’d have to be having sex with James in order to withhold sexual favours, and the thought of that made him slightly dizzy.

“Good. We look forward to meeting him. We’ve heard that he’s quite the catch!” With that, she hung up. Fuck. What the hell was he going to do about this? Amy would kill him if he turned up alone, and his brother, Chris, would spend the entire day poking fun at him. Not to mention that apparently his parents would be disappointed not to meet him. But he couldn’t ask James. Thomas sank into a ball on the floor of the stockroom. He knew that it was dramatic, but he was honestly contemplating just never leaving the room again.

***

Fanny left as soon as she had picked up the copy of the newest murder mystery in the series that she had been reading which Pat had put aside in the office for her. Thomas was still in the stockroom taking the phone call from his sister. James kept shooting anxious glances at the door. He had been in there for a while. It was getting close to lunch time, so maybe it would be a good idea to check if Thomas had thought about his plans for food. They usually got something from Mary’s, but it couldn’t hurt to check. Just in case he had plans with Kitty that went outside of the ordinary.

James tentatively pushed open the stockroom door, only to find Thomas curled up on the floor, lying in the foetal position with his knees tight against his chest. “Tom? Good lord, Thomas, are you ok sweetheart?” James went in, ran over to where he was and pulled him up off of the floor. He immediately set about checking Thomas over to see if he was hurt, touching his forehead for signs of a temperature.

“James, I’m fine. Sorry if I made you worry. I just… I spoke to Amy. And I’m in a bit of a pickle. But you don’t need to stress, it’s my fault, I’ll get myself out of it.” Thomas tried to push him away.

James narrowed his eyes. Thomas had never had a problem in his life without making it everyone else’s issue. He lead Thomas out of the stockroom onto the shop floor, pulling him towards the big glass windows and the natural light so that he could be sure that Thomas looked well. “What’s the dilemma?”

“Seriously, James, you don’t need to worry about it.” James just raised an eyebrow and folded his arms against his chest. Thomas sighed. “I think I’ve probably told you that my sister is getting married next Saturday? My brother and I are ‘bridesmen’. Well, she… er, apparently my family have heard that we are… um. They think that you’re my boyfriend. And they want you to come to the wedding. As my plus one,” Thomas twisted his hands together, anxiously. James swallowed. A family wedding? That was… “But honestly, I wasn’t even going to ask you. It’s not what we agreed on, there’s no chance that either Anthony or Isabelle will be there. It never occurred to me that my family would find out about us, which is completely my fault and not yours. It’s too much to ask of you. I will just have to think of an excuse, that’s all. And accept that I’m going to be the disappointment. Again.”

James watched as Thomas brushed a single tear off of his cheek, surreptitiously, like he thought that James wouldn’t have noticed. James was conflicted. He wanted so badly to help Thomas, but it was like he had no instinct of self-preservation at all. A whole day, just him and Thomas, with no prospect of any of their friends being there to temper it. He was so desperately in love with Thomas, going to a wedding with him was not a good idea at all. He shouldn’t be exposing himself to meeting Thomas’ family as if their relationship was real. But at the same time… it would be more time spent in Thomas’ company. He could ask Thomas to dance, free from the watchful eyes of their friends. If he could ingratiate himself with Thomas’ family, that might work in his favour. He would certainly be coming to Thomas’ rescue again, like a knight in shining armour. Maybe it would be enough to convince Thomas to stop thinking about Isabelle, to focus on what was right there in front of him, what had always been right in front of him.

James watched as Thomas pressed play on the music again, skipping the end of the previous song, and went to tidy up some shelves, his shoulders tense around his ears. He certainly wasn’t dancing any longer. James wanted to snatch him into his arms, to kiss the tension away, to make him carefree and joyous once more. He knew that there was only one thing that would help Thomas right now. And before he could stop to think, his mouth was making the decision for him. “I’ll go with you, Thomas, if it will help.”

Thomas whipped around to look at him. “What? James, are you serious? You’d have to miss your cricket match, and it’s an overnight stay in this fancy hotel, and I’m involved in the ceremony so you’d have to do that bit alone. I’m really not expecting, or even asking, you to do this, at all.”

James crossed the room to where Thomas stood, taking his hands in his. “Thomas, I’m sure. I’m offering. I’m happy to do this for you, sweetheart. I know what the weight of family expectation feels like, even if it isn’t something that I experience anymore.”

Thomas burst into tears, throwing himself at James and clinging to him. “Oh, James, thank you, thank you! I don’t know what I did to deserve you.” All James could do was wrap his arms around Thomas and hold him until the tears subsided. His heart soared, his pulse raced and his mind was screaming at him. This was a bad idea. Humphrey was going to kill him. But it would all be worth it to make Thomas happy. James would endure anything to make Thomas happy. Even if only for a short time.

Chapter Text

Saturday 8 June

Thomas zipped his overnight bag shut and grabbed his suit carrier from the wardrobe door. He took a deep breath and went downstairs. He immediately chucked his overnight bag on the sofa, opening it and checking it against the list on his phone (the one that James had written for him to combat his chronic disorganisation) for the fifth time. He was sure that he’d packed everything. So why did everything feel so wrong? 

Thomas headed into the kitchen, grabbing the flasks of tea that he had made for them before finishing his packing. He glanced at the time on the oven clock. 06:50. Ten minutes until James was due to arrive. James was bound to be early, so Thomas thought that maybe he should wait outside. The fresh air might help to settle his nerves. Just as he opened the front door, James pulled up in his immaculate black SUV. Thomas felt a fond smile tug at his lips, despite the butterflies in his stomach. James was just so predictable.

James jumped out of the drivers side and ran to help him, taking his bag and suit carrier from him so that Thomas could lock the door behind him. He chucked Thomas’ bag in the boot next to his, and hung the suit carrier on the hook in the backseat with his. There was something quite domestic about the image of their overnight bags side by side in the back of James’ car that had Thomas blushing, for some reason that he just could not work out. Thomas leaned into the car and placed the flasks in the cup holders in the front. He turned just as James got to his side, pulling him in for a hug. Thomas caught a whiff of James’ cologne, and his underlying James smell, and instantly felt calmer.

“Are you sure about this, James? It’s your last chance to escape!” Thomas smiled weakly up at him, certain that if James cried out now, he would not be able to go alone. Thomas’ relationship with his father and brother was much better now that he was an adult and didn’t live with them, but there were still times that Thomas felt on edge around them, particularly his father. While he knew that his father loved him, he certainly didn’t always understand him. Thomas preferred to be around his father with someone else to act as a buffer. That role was usually filled by Kitty, or by his brother Chris’ girlfriend Avery, who Thomas thought the world of. But Thomas knew that James would be an excellent buffer. He would protect Thomas viciously, if necessary.

James pulled away and walked around his car to the driver’s side. “Tom, get in the car. We’ve got a long drive, and a longer day ahead of us. You’re in charge of music and navigation.”

He had avoided the question. “James…”

“Thomas, car, now! Let’s go! Don’t ask me again. I said I’m doing it, I’m not going to let you down at the eleventh hour!” James climbed back into his car, starting the engine.

Thomas jumped in next to him, capturing James’ face in his hands. “I’m going to owe you such a massive favour. I mean it. I’ll do anything you want!” Without thinking, he pressed a quick kiss against James’ lips before turning to James’ entertainment system to choose the music.

“It’s going to be worth it to spend time with you,” James murmured, leaning over to kiss his temple before putting the car into gear and pulling away. Thomas, a blush burning across his cheeks, quickly loaded the maps and put in the postcode of the hotel that they would be staying at, starting the directions. He then found a playlist full of songs by gay icons, seeing that there was a lot of ABBA on there for James, Lady Gaga for him, and Kylie Minogue for both of them. It immediately kicked off with a banger, and they both sang out the lyrics to ‘Lay All Your Love On Me’ enthusiastically.

The journey flew by, with the car like their own personal karaoke venue. Thomas was having a brilliant time with James, laughing, singing and dancing along. James had been absurdly grateful for the flask of tea, earning Thomas another kiss on the temple while they had been stopped at some traffic lights. James looked a lot calmer than Thomas felt. He clearly wasn’t concerned that he might be throwing himself to the wolves. He genuinely did look like he was just enjoying being in Thomas’ company, regardless of the context to it. His relaxed demeanour was putting Thomas at ease. He felt like he could do anything with James by his side.

It occurred to Thomas that he had never been so comfortable to introduce a partner to his family before. He had no doubts at all that they would love James, far more than anyone else that he had ever dared to introduce to them. Thomas knew that even his father would like James, an ex-military man who was keen on team sports and who was more traditionally ‘masculine’ than Thomas was. James was everything that his father had hoped that Thomas would be, everything that his younger brother Chris was. And yet, Thomas didn’t have the feeling of dread that James would take their side against him. James would never betray him like that, and certainly was not afraid of expressing his opinions. He would defend Thomas with his dying breath.

Thomas really wanted his family to approve of James. For a relationship that wasn’t real, it certainly kept feeling less fake than any relationship that he’d ever had.

They pulled in to the long, gravel drive to the hotel, and Thomas felt the nerves jump up again. James reached over and squeezed his hand, smiling at him reassuringly. Thomas was smiling softly back when he caught a glimpse of something that made his nerves spike again. “Oh good god. James, I’m so sorry, that’s my mother waiting for us outside. She has no chill at all.”

James laughed. “Straight in at the deep end, eh?” He sounded completely unbothered.

“James, turn around. Let’s just go. I don’t need to go to my sister’s wedding. Let’s go, please,” Thomas begged, completely serious. James squeezed his hand again, before parking the car and jumping out. He practically ran around to Thomas’ door, opening it for him like the gentleman he was. Thomas got out and stepped close to James, the panic clear in his eyes. He wasn’t ready to face his family. “Don’t leave me.”

“Never,” came the fierce reply, before James kissed him in full view of his mother. It was just a quick peck before he was gone, heading to the boot to get their things. Thomas touched his hand up to his lips, smiling goofily. Then he was enveloped in a hug, his mother yelling her greetings into his ear.

“Hi, Mum. I’m well, thank you. You look beautiful, I can’t wait to see your Mother of the Bride dress. Mum, this is James. Darling, this is my mother, Althea.” James passed him the two suit carriers, holding their other bags in his left hand and stretching his right towards Thomas’ mother.

“No, silly, we’re huggers!” she cried, pulling James in for a hug, startling Thomas. James hugged her back. She stepped back, looked James up and down appraisingly, then grinned at Thomas. “Oh, Tommy, well done! This one is just delicious!”

Thomas felt his head catch fire. Thomas would be the first to admit that James was relentlessly good-looking. And he did look good, dressed simply in jeans and a black t-shirt, which was almost identical to Thomas’ own outfit (although, of course, James’ t-shirt showed off all of his arm and chest muscles, which Thomas just didn’t have). They would be changing into their suits pretty much immediately, so there had been no point in wearing anything more thought-out. But it was embarrassing to watch his mother be so open about ogling James, as if his hotness was the only thing he had going for him. James was so much more. James just slipped his right arm around Thomas’ waist and kissed his cheek, completely unfazed by it.

They followed Thomas’ mother into the hotel, where they checked in to their room. The whole building reminded Thomas of Button House, if Fanny had turned it into a fancy hotel and premium wedding destination. Which Thomas had no doubt that Fanny could do, if she wanted to.

Thomas’ mother ushered them upstairs to get ready. Apparently Amy was in with the hairdresser, but wanted to meet James before she got dressed. Once Amy was ready, they would all be heading to the local church for the ceremony, and everyone was on a tight schedule. Thomas and James found their room and Thomas closed the door firmly behind them. Thomas instantly sank to the floor, putting his head in his hands and groaning. James laughed. “Tom, it wasn’t that bad.”

“Not that bad? James, she practically stripped you with her eyes! And huggers? Since when have they been huggers? She’s never hugged a stranger in her life! She didn’t even hug Avery when they first met,” Thomas looked up, wanting James to reassure him. He was hit with a wave of fresh panic when he saw that James was looking at the bed. Because there was a bed situation. It was a double room. There was no sofa. They were going to have to share a bed. “Oh, fuck!” He leapt to his feet. “Oh, shit, I didn’t even think! I’ll go back down and ask for two singles.”

“No!” James snatched his hand. “If you do that, questions will be asked. It’s fine, it’s big enough for the both of us. We can build a pillow wall if it will make you more comfortable?”

“If you’re sure? I don’t want to make you uncomfortable. You’re doing me a huge favour and apparently I’ve bought you here to be objectified and forced to share a bed with me.” Thomas pressed himself against James’ chest, breathing his scent in, grounding himself and calming his panic.

“Honestly, it’s fine. It’s one night sweetheart, it won’t kill us.” They stood there, in the middle of the room, locked in an embrace, until Thomas’ breathing returned to normal. “Tom, you’ve got this. Apart from the ceremony, I won’t leave your side. I promise. Now, shall I take the bathroom, and you can get changed in here?” Thomas nodded gratefully. James kissed him, another peck on the lips, before leaving the room.

Thomas was so thankful for James’ presence. He knew that part of his panic was caused by his family’s behaviour and how they might react to James. Thomas didn’t want to overstep any of James’ boundaries and make him uneasy, and for some inexplicable reason, it was really, really important to him that his family liked James. But Thomas didn’t think that he would have been able to face this without James. No one could calm him down like James could, not even Kitty. He was stronger with James by his side.

***

“Sweetheart, you decent?” James called through the shut bathroom door. He had put on his white dress shirt and his navy blue suit. His shoes, belt, cufflinks and tie were in the bedroom. His choice of words had him immediately pushing down errant thoughts of Thomas looking indecent.

“Yes!” Thomas called back. “You can come back in.” James pushed the door open, sucking in a breath when he saw Thomas. He was wearing an impeccably tailored suit in a deep burgundy colour. He looked stunning. Quite literally breathtaking. “What? Do I look ok?”

“Thomas, you look… you look gorgeous. That colour really suits you,” James replied, honestly. It really did. It made his hair appear a deeper shade of chestnut, and brought out the gold flecks in his dark eyes. Thomas smiled shyly, a blush creeping over his cheeks. James coughed, needing to look at something else to distract himself from how badly he wanted to tear that suit off of Thomas and throw him onto the bed. Their bed. Christ, maybe it’s not the best idea in the world for me to be sharing a bed with him, James thought.

“Thank you, James. You look very handsome. Blue always makes your eyes shine.” James could feel his own blush rising up now. “Could you help me with these, please? I can’t do cufflinks one-handed.” James stepped towards him, taking them off of Thomas and sorting them out for him. His skin was on fire where they touched.

James couldn’t resist. “Do mine?” he asked, even though he very much could do his cufflinks one-handed. Thomas nodded, and James was able to prolong the touching for a few extra seconds. He sat down to do his shoes, the bed dipping next to him as Thomas did the same. He sat so close that their thighs brushed together, and James could feel the heat of him searing into his leg.

Thomas hesitated, then seemed to make a decision and reached in to his bag. “Here,” he held a tie out to James. “Amy sent me two, she seemed to think that I might spill food on one or something. But it matches my suit, so I thought that you might want to…” he trailed off.

“An exceptional idea!” James took it, quickly putting it on, and throwing his own tie back into his bag. He liked the idea of being connected to Thomas in this way, like it was a badge that identified Thomas as his, and himself as Thomas’. “Ready?”

Thomas checked himself in the mirror, messing with his curls, straightening his tie, pulling his cuffs down. “Do I look alright?”

“You’re beautiful.” Thomas was breathtaking. It was doing strange things to James’ heart. Thomas smiled at him shyly. They needed to get out of this bedroom before James lost his head completely and did something stupid. James held his hand out, Thomas took it, and they headed downstairs together, seeking out Thomas' mother, who seemed to be more in charge of this wedding than the frazzled wedding planner they had seen flitting around.

“Thomas!” A voice boomed across the lobby of the hotel. Thomas closed his eyes and ducked in against James’ side. James looked towards a small group of people. Thomas’ mother, who had changed herself, was stood next to a man who looked like a taller, broader, older version of Thomas. He was rugged where Thomas was delicate, large where Thomas was slight. His suit was charcoal, and his tie was the same shade of blue as Thomas’ mother’s dress. Next to him, a young man who could only be Thomas’ brother, in a matching suit to Thomas, a carbon copy of his father. He was accompanied by an extremely pretty blonde young lady dressed in a beautiful shade of lilac.

“Are you sure that it’s not too late to make a run for it?” Thomas whispered. James shook his head, minutely. Thomas sighed, and they made their way over to the group. “Hi, Dad. Hi Chris, Avery. Mum, you look beautiful. I love your hat. Everyone, this is James. James, this is my father, Robert. My brother, Christopher, and his girlfriend, Avery.” They all insisted on greeting both Thomas and James with a hug. Once free, James instantly wrapped an arm around Thomas, pulling him close against his side.

Thomas’ mother ushered them all towards a small suite of rooms that the bride had commandeered to get ready in. As soon as they entered, a pair of young women wearing dresses the same colour as Thomas’ suit exited. Clearly the bridesmaids. They both giggled and batted their eyelids at Chris, which James noticed made Avery roll her eyes and shoot a conspiratorial grin at Thomas.

Thomas’ sister, the bride, emerged from behind a screen, her dark curls fixed in an elaborate do, and her heart-shaped face perfectly made up. She was wearing a silk dressing robe in the same deep burgundy as her brothers’ suits. Thomas looked so much like both of his siblings, which was funny to James because Chris and Amy didn’t look that much alike, although you could tell that they were related. It was like Thomas was the perfect mid-point between Chris’ robust masculinity and Amy’s gentle femininity. James was sure that this was likely to be reflected in their respective personalities as well.

“Amelia! Congratulations, my favourite sister! I’m so very happy for you, Amy!” Thomas darted forward to give her a careful hug, cautious of her hair.

“I’m your only sister, idiot,” she laughed, rolling her eyes fondly.

“My favourite sibling, then,” Thomas joked. Chris swatted at him. “Amy, this is James. James, this is my beautiful sister and the blushing bride, Amelia.” James stepped forward, and gave her a tentative hug.

Amy eyed him as James returned to Thomas’ side and took his hand. “God, Mum, you were right. He is delectable, isn’t he? What?” she caught Thomas’ exasperated look. “I’m getting married Tom, I’m not blind! Besides which, he’s yours and clearly gay.” Thomas clung tighter to James’ hand, almost possessively.

“So James, I understand that you’re ex-military?” Thomas’ father asked, no-so-subtly changing the topic of conversation.

“Yes, sir,” James answered, automatically.

“James was a Captain in the Army,” Thomas’ voice was filled with pride, and he was gazing up at James adoringly. It made James want to kiss him so badly. His chest ached with the longing for Thomas’ adoration to be real.

“An officer! Good man!”

“Thomas always did like a man in uniform,” his mother mused. James chuckled good-naturedly as Thomas groaned and leaned his forehead on James’ shoulder.

“And you play cricket?” Chris asked.

“Yes, I’m a batsman and the Captain of our local team.”

“I’m more of a rugby fan, myself. But I wanted to congratulate you on getting Tommy outside to watch you play. I can count on one hand the number of my games he went to when we were growing up!” His father roared with laughter.

James understood Thomas a bit better, having met his family. He clearly had more in common with his mother and sister than his boisterous father and brother. And his father appeared to be the sort of man who might take that as a personal slight. It must have been hard growing up with a younger brother who was everything their father wanted both his boys to be. Although he obviously didn’t have an issue with Thomas’ sexuality, unlike James’ own father, James wondered whether he was the sort of man who used it as an excuse for Thomas’ lack of overt masculinity.

“It’s hardly a fair comparison! Rugby is a winter game, and I don’t like the cold. Cricket is a summer game. Besides, I have a better incentive!” Thomas grinned at James, who pulled him closer and planted another kiss on his temple.

“As Mum said, you like a man in uniform!” Amy laughed.

“No, as much as he’d love you to think that he’s being romantic, it’s the Pimm’s. My little gremlin is obsessed with the concession stand!” James teased, laughing.

“I do love Pimm’s, it’s true. But it might be a little bit how good you look in your cricket whites, James,” Thomas giggled, sticking his tongue out at him. James felt his heart skip a beat. Good lord, I hope that’s true. He impulsively leaned down and kissed him, full on the lips, in front of his entire family, audience be damned. Thomas kissed him back eagerly.

“Wow! You’re every bit as crazy about each other as we’ve heard,” Avery commented. She reached forward to squeeze Thomas’ hand. “It’s lovely to see you so happy, Tom.” James instantly liked Avery. Her sentiments were quickly echoed by Thomas’ parents and his siblings. James felt his chest swell. He wanted Thomas’ family to like him. He wanted to make Thomas very happy. Forever.

***

Amy looked beautiful in her white dress and her veil, a true blushing bride, radiant in her happiness. The church was lovely, bedecked in flowers and garlands and strewn with confetti. The ceremony was breathtaking, leaving Thomas an emotional wreck. He was just so happy for his sister. Thomas stood at the front in line with Chris and the bridesmaids, two friends of Amy’s from childhood who had nursed lifelong crushes on Chris and who had always completed ignored Thomas. While the vows were being taken, Thomas made eye contact with James, who was sat next to Avery and Thomas’ parents. James smiled at him, Thomas smiled back, and neither broke eye contact. Not until Chris nudged him and whispered at him to stop eye-fucking his boyfriend in front of the whole congregation and get a room. Thomas turned bright red as he briefly imagined what James would look like out of that suit.

As soon as the bride and groom left the church in the car to go to the reception at the hotel, Thomas ran straight back to James, who kissed him until he was breathless. Avery asked them if another wedding was on the cards in the not-so-distant future. Thomas blushed bright red again, and wondered if his family were actively trying to make him have a heart attack.

Thomas clung to James’ hand as they waited for the car that would take them, Avery and Chris back to the hotel. James checked his phone. Thomas laughed as James sent off a quick selfie of the two of them to the group chat at Kitty’s demand. He opened a text from Humphrey, showing it to Thomas. His cricket team had won their match under Humphrey’s temporary captaincy, and in James’ absence Humphrey, and not Anthony, had been their top run scorer. Thomas smiled smugly, proud of his friend.

“Baby, where did you leave the charger for the stockroom iPad yesterday? Pat’s asking,” James asked, Avery, Chris and Thomas’ parents next to them.

“Oh, in the top draw in Pat’s desk in the office. Is that not where it lives?” James hummed in agreement and shot a text back to Pat, one-handed, his other still intertwined with Thomas’.

“Ah, I forgot that you two work together, you’re another literary type,” Thomas’ father commented. “That’s a shame. I was counting on you to dissuade him from the poetry, James!”

Thomas felt his stomach swoop. He really did not want to get into this with his father now, not on today of all days, and definitely not in front of James. He swallowed hard, and stared at the ground. Thomas saw James freeze out of the corner of his eye. “Why?” James asked sharply, his hand tightening on Thomas’.

“Well, it’s just that he’s not any good at it! His focus could be better directed at other things.” The rest of Thomas’ family shuffled uncomfortably and they wouldn’t look at Thomas, but no one said anything. It was a familiar argument for them.

“Art is subjective. I happen to think that Thomas is an excellent poet. He really understands poetry, the nuance, the rhythm of it. He’s a wonder to watch at a recital. His own compositions are before his time. His work is honest, and it’s true. I’m very proud of Tom, actually. It takes a lot of guts to pursue a passion, and I wish I had even half of his bravery.” James said it so simply, so sincerely. It took Thomas’ breath away.

The full force of his feelings hit him. It was as if James’ acceptance of him as a writer had been the last stumbling block, and once removed, he was able to admit the full depths of his emotions. Thomas loved James. He was completely, totally, crazily, head over heels in love with him. He had been since the very first time he had seen him in Pat’s shop.

Thomas had been seeking James’ attention ever since. All of his feelings for Isabelle had only ever been a distraction, a subconscious way to try to make James jealous. As they had been with everyone else that he’d had ‘feelings’ for in the last five years. As if he could have any genuine interest in anyone else. There wasn’t room in his heart for anyone other than James. Thomas had never been able to be friends with James because he couldn’t accept James’ presence in his life as just his friend.

The fake dating scheme had been borne out of his own jealousy of Anthony, as Thomas had sensed that this could be the one relationship that could mean that he lost James for good. Adam was a dickhead, and none of the others had been serious. Anthony could be serious and he was a nice person, and was therefore a real threat. It was why Thomas disliked him so much.

James looked questioningly at him, scanning his face to make sure that Thomas was alright. Thomas couldn’t resist. He grabbed James by the tie, pulling his mouth down to meet his. He kissed him fiercely, desperately trying to convey his love and adoration without the need for words. He’d only fuck it up if he tried to use his words. James kissed him back eagerly, crushing Thomas against him. They kissed, clinging to each other, oblivious to the world around them, until the car pulled up to take them back to the hotel. And Thomas desperately wished that it was real.

***

The reception was a blur. James had been seated next to Thomas for the meal. They had found a way to touch each other throughout the food, the speeches, the toasts. James’ arm over the back of Thomas’ chair, Thomas’ hand on James’ thigh, their knees knocking together under the table, their fingers brushing as they ate. Then had come the dancing. James couldn’t keep up with Kitty’s energy levels, but he knew that Thomas loved to dance and he wanted to dance with him. Most of the night had been spent on the dance floor with Thomas. He had also danced with Thomas’ mother, sister and sister-in-law.

Towards the end of the evening, James was sat to the side, sipping a glass of wine and watching Thomas dance with his mother. The bride dropped into the seat next to him. “My brother looks at you like he worships the ground you walk on! I’ve never seen him like this with anyone else. You’re a very lucky man!” Amy cried, obviously slightly tipsy and overwhelmingly happy.

James looked at her. “I love him,” he told her, simply. It was the first time that he had said it out loud. He’d not even used those words in front of Humphrey.

“Oh, please, any fool can see that! I’ve never seen two people more in love, it’s really quite sickening. Still, I’m glad that Thomas is going to have something. You know, Chris has got the career, my marriage will give me the family. Tommy gets the epic love story. Which is all he ever wanted anyhow.” Amy rose to her feet, clapping her hand on James’ shoulder. “If you hurt him, I will kill you. Or I’ll get my husband to. He knows karate.”

A few seconds after she left, Thomas dropped into the same chair. “I am exhausted! Fancy getting some fresh air with me?” James instantly agreed and took Thomas’ hand, leading him through the crowd to the terrace. They walked to the far side and leant on the marble balustrade. James didn’t release Thomas’ hand. Thomas looked flushed and happy, but thoughtful. “James?”

“Yes, gorgeous?”

“Thank you,” Thomas stepped closer. “Really, thank you. I know you’ll brush it off as not being a big deal, but it is to me. My family love you, even my father. He likes ‘a man who speaks his mind’. Direct quote, by the way. You coming here with me today, missing your match for me, it just… it means more than I can express. There isn’t anyone that I’d rather be here with.”

James felt his breath hitch in his throat. He wanted to say it. He needed to say it. Now was the time. He could make Thomas forget all about Isabelle. He could make this thing between them real. He could make Thomas his forever.

If only he wasn’t so much of a coward. “It isn’t a big deal, Tom. You’re my friend. I’d do anything to make you happy.” Oh bally hell, why did I use the ‘f’ word?

Thomas smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “Friend. We are friends, aren’t we? Finally,” he laughed, the sound entirely free from mirth. “Who knew that it would only take a fake relationship to get us to actually be friends.”

Fake. It was all fake. James needed to remind himself of that. Thomas didn’t love him back. James’ heart hurt. He wanted it to be real. But they had gone too far down this road, and James couldn’t see any way out. Perhaps there wasn’t one. He had fallen in love with a man who had become one of his closest friends, admitting his feelings to himself only when it was far too late for them to be of any assistance to anyone. He had allowed himself to fall too deep into Thomas’ friend zone, after years of subconsciously holding Thomas at arms length to keep himself out of it. All because he couldn’t be honest with himself. Now he was facing the consequences of his actions. Loneliness, despair and a broken heart. All tinged with the additional pain of knowing what it could have been like to be in a real relationship with Thomas. Because he’d been living it for the past two months. And it was all he had ever wanted.

Chapter Text

Sunday 9 June

Thomas woke up laying against something warm but solid. He couldn’t move, pinned in place by something heavy. He wriggled experimentally, and the thing under his head moved. Thomas’ eyes snapped open. Oh good god. He was laying in James’ arms, his head on his chest, his own arm looped around James’ waist. At some point during the night, one or both of them had dismantled the pillow barrier that they had built before bed, and they had drifted towards each other. Worse, wrapped themselves up in each other. Thomas’ head was screaming at him to move, just move, before it got worse, but his heart longed to stay where he was, to pretend just for a minute that this could be real. That they could be more than just friends. That James loved him as he loved James.

James started to stir, and panicking, Thomas wrenched himself free. He quickly rolled over, turning his back to James, pretending that he was still asleep. He felt James carefully remove himself from the bed and heard him pad towards the bathroom. Thomas took several deep breaths to try to calm his rapidly beating heart. Now that he knew that he was in love with James, he wasn’t sure what to do about it. It was not possible that James reciprocated his feelings. The whole reason for their scheme was that James wanted Anthony. Stupid, perfect Anthony.

There was a knock at the door. “Tom, are you decent?” As if James was ravishing him in the privacy of their hotel room. A boy could dream, and Thomas wanted it badly. But James had made it very clear last night when Thomas had made that (admittedly abysmal) attempt to confess before he lost his nerve, egged on by the bottomless champagne, the romantic atmosphere, and the giddy look of pure happiness on his sister’s face. It had made him brave enough to go after what he wanted, chasing that feeling for himself. But his ‘there isn’t anyone I’d rather be here with’ had been responded to with ‘you’re my friend’. It was crystal clear that James did not feel the same way that Thomas did.

“Yes, two seconds!” Thomas jumped up and pulled the door open. He heard the sound of the shower running in the bathroom beside him.

“Sorry, have you got any toothpaste? Only we forgot ours. We made do with gum last night, but I don’t think we can do that again this morning!” It was Chris. He was notorious for always forgetting to pack something basic when he went away, but Thomas was surprised at Avery.

“Sure. Give me a second.” Thomas pushed the door so that it was basically shut and hunted for his wash bag, before realising that it was in the bathroom. Surely he could just sneak in there, and get it? He tried the bathroom door. It wasn’t locked. He slipped into the room. Too late, he remembered that there was no shower curtain. It was a big, glass door. It was completely see-through. And Thomas saw everything. James just stared at him, his mouth dropping open in shock. “Oh, fuck, sorry James,” he hissed, grabbing the toothpaste from the side and darting back out of the room. He thrust it at Chris wordlessly and slammed the door shut, before running to the bed and throwing himself under the covers. He wanted to die. Nothing could be more embarrassing than this.

It also was not good for Thomas’ newly discovered feelings. James was perfect, muscled, chiselled, like a fine piece of Ancient Greek sculpture. And he was… well-endowed. Thomas was fighting off inappropriate thoughts about jumping into that shower with him and all the fun that they could get up to, all the ways that Thomas could worship James and make him feel good… Oh god, I’m turning into Julian.

The shower shut off and James padded back into the room. “Thomas, you can’t hide under there forever.”

“I very much can, actually. Or at least, until I die from embarrassment. Which is imminent.” James snatched the covers off of him. He was wrapped in just a towel, droplets of water running off his muscular chest and Thomas wanted to lean forward and just lick one off and… Shit, this was the second time that he had done this to James. He had lingered in his bedroom on James’ birthday when he had showered after his run. Thomas now knew that he had been deliberately lurking like a pervert, hoping for a peak, for something to fuel the fantasies that he wouldn’t even admit to himself that he had.

“Go on, sweetheart, go and have a shower,” James nudged him off of the bed. Thomas did as he was told, his face still burning from his embarrassment. As soon as he was in the shower, with the water pouring over him, he heard a knock at the door again, some murmuring and the sound of the door closing. James then came in, toothpaste in hand. He deliberately looked Thomas up and down. “Now we’re even!” He quirked an eyebrow at Thomas, turned on his heel and left. Thomas swallowed a whimper and desperately turned the water temperature down to ice cold before he embarrassed himself further.

***

James and Thomas were back on the road, having had breakfast with Thomas’ family before they checked out of their hotel room. Thomas was staring silently out of the window, seemingly deep in thought. None of the contentment of the previous day’s journey remained, and James didn’t know why. Thomas seemed sad today, contemplative and melancholic. James racked his brain to think of the cause. There had been the incident with the shower in the morning (which James really, really shouldn’t think about while driving. It had been a significant test of his self-restraint not to dive into the shower with Thomas), but that shouldn’t have caused this level of upset. When his parents had hugged them goodbye, and said that they hoped to see the two of them again soon, Thomas had been very close to crying. James had pretended not to see, hoping that his friend would feel able to confide in him if he wanted to. Thomas hadn’t done so.

James pulled up outside Thomas’ cottage. Thomas jumped out of the car immediately, without a word, and James hovered awkwardly, not knowing whether to get out with him or not. He decided on getting out, selfishly wanting to prolong his time with Thomas even for the few seconds more that he could. Even if Thomas didn’t want him there. James walked Thomas to his door and waited for Thomas to unlock it, desperately wishing that Thomas would invite him in for a cup of tea or some lunch. Or something. Anything.

“Well, thanks again for coming with me James. I really appreciate everything,” Thomas smiled sadly. James wanted to hug him, to kiss him, to confess everything. He wanted to make that smile a happy one. He didn’t know how. So he did nothing.

“You’re welcome, Thomas. I had a good time. Thank you for inviting me.”

Thomas laughed, the sound entirely free of his usual joy. “My family forced you to come. I’m just lucky that you’re such a good sport.” James didn’t know what to say. He didn’t know what to do. The awkwardness was growing, but James was too much of a coward to take any steps towards making it go away. And he was terrified of making it worse.

“Well, I’ll see you at work tomorrow,” he said lamely, beginning to turn away to go back down the path to his car. Thomas dropped his belongings at his feet and his hands shot out, pulling James back. Thomas reached up and kissed him, wrapping his arms around his neck. Thomas was kissing him like a man in a desert drinking water from an oasis. James could feel the desperation. He met it with a desperation of his own. He kissed Thomas back, his hands on his lower back, pushing him closer and pressing him into the door frame. James kissed him like a drowning man gasping for air. It was heaven. This is it, James thought. This has to mean more than friendship.

They kissed until they were dizzy, the need to breathe forcing their lips apart, both of them gasping and panting. James, needing more despite his breathlessness, leaned back in. Thomas froze. Then he pushed James away, unable to jump backwards himself as he was trapped between James and the door frame.

“I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry, sorry, I didn’t mean… sorry,” Thomas mumbled, turning beetroot.

“Why are you apologising?” James asked, confused. He didn’t want to talk, he wanted to kiss Thomas again and again, to take him inside, to take him upstairs, to lay claim to Thomas in every way, to finally make this real. Thomas had to feel it too. That kiss was real. It couldn’t not be.

“I’m blurring the boundaries. I knew that this would happen if you came to the wedding with me, and I still did it. I put you in this situation. I’m sorry, James. You… I… we can’t do this anymore.”

James’ blood ran cold. “What?”

“We can’t do this anymore. We don’t need to. I mean, it’s obvious that Anthony regrets his decision. He wants you. This is getting in the way now. Your loyalty to me is holding you back from what you really want. I need to let you go. You can go and be with Anthony,” Thomas looked like he was about two seconds away from crying. Again. But he also looked completely serious, as if he had made up his mind.

“And you can be with Isabelle. Like we always intended,” James said, coldly. He’d let himself be fooled. He kept convincing himself that Thomas felt the same way. But he didn’t. He still wanted Isabelle. He wanted James to want Anthony.

Anthony was handsome, and nice, and they had so much in common. But James didn’t want quiet and unassuming Anthony. James wanted infuriating, passionate, loud Thomas. He wanted the drama. He wanted the heat and the passion. He wanted the person who knew and understood him better than anyone else. He wanted his best friend and his worst enemy, his complete opposite yet his soul’s twin. He wanted the person who he had been completely crazy about for the last five years.

“We always intended this to end, James. Because it isn’t real.” James didn’t notice that Thomas’ voice cracked. He was too busy focusing on trying to hold himself together. He needed to get out of there before he fell apart. He abruptly turned and walked back down the garden path and through the gate to his car.

“And it never will be,” he managed, yanking his car door open, and climbing in. He slammed the door shut behind him, started the engine and drove away. He drove down the road and around the corner, out of sight of Thomas’ cottage, before pulling over and turning the engine off. Only then did he allow the tears to fall. And then he called Humphrey.

***

Thomas watched James drive away, tears streaming down his cheeks, clutching the front door to prevent himself from collapsing. The pain in his chest was acute, and he could feel his heart shattering into a million pieces. He wanted to run after James, to tell him that he didn’t want it to end, to beg James to give them a chance, to stay, to love him. But he had seen James’ face, he had heard his words. It never will be. James didn’t want Thomas. And there was nothing that Thomas could do about it.

Thomas threw his things inside, closed the door and ran upstairs, barricading himself in his bedroom. He threw himself onto his bed, grabbing his giant bear and sobbing into its fur.

Thomas did the only thing he could think to do, the thing he always did in a time of crisis. He called Kitty. “You were right. You were right, I love him, I’ve always loved him, and now I’ve fucked it all up and I don’t know what to do.” He knew that he was barely coherent over the sobs racking through his body, but Kitty understood. She always understood.

“Oh, Tommy. Are you at home? Stay there, I’ll be right over,” she told him. “Mary, I’ve got to go! Thomas emergency. Can I take an early lunch, please?” he heard her shout before she hung up.

Sure enough, Kitty was there within ten minutes. She let herself in and found him in his bed, buried underneath the sheets, clinging onto his bear, desperately trying to pretend that it was James and that he could restart the morning from when he had woken up in James’ arms and everything had been perfect. Kitty didn’t say a word, she just jumped in next to Thomas and pulled him into her arms. Thomas sobbed into her shoulder. He cried for the entire hour of her lunch break.

“Look, I need to get back. But I’ll come straight back over after work, ok? We’ll talk about it then, you can tell me what happened and we will make a plan. Nothing is ever so bad that it can’t be fixed, Tommy. You’ve got me, and we’ll work it out. Because he loves you too, honey, I know he does.”

Thomas didn’t want to be left alone, so he grabbed his book and trailed after Kitty, knowing that he could sit behind the counter and Mary wouldn’t complain about his presence. He may even get a free muffin out of it. He certainly looked miserable enough for her to take pity on him.

Mary was stressed. Kitty had returned in time to catch the tail end of the lunch rush, and Mary had been run off of her feet dealing with it on her own. Thomas did not deserve his friends. He profusely apologised, guilt as well as misery now seizing him in its grasp, more tears rising up and threatening to spill over. Mary just shushed him, enveloped him in a massive hug and stuck him behind the bakery counter with a chocolate muffin and a hot chocolate. Her sympathy only went so far - she told him to make himself useful and serve the sweet treats for her customers.

Thomas was flicking through the pages of his latest poetry volume, not really paying attention, when he was asked for a slice of Mary’s incredible carrot cake. He sighed and got to work, pulling it out and plating it up. He glanced up to give it to the customer. Anthony. Shit.

Thomas knew that he looked like death, all tear-streaked face and bloodshot eyes, pale and disheveled and generally miserable. Heartbroken. Anthony pulled a curious face, obviously wanting to know what was wrong but not rude enough to ask. Thomas certainly wasn’t going to hand out any details. He didn’t want Anthony to have James. Thomas stared back defiantly, daring Anthony to ask. He didn’t.

But Thomas was well aware that his face had given it all away.

***

Monday 10 June

James woke up on Monday dreading work. He didn’t know if he could get through nearly ten hours of being close to Thomas. Not when Thomas had unknowingly but so definitely broken his heart.

Last night he had dreamed that he was in a relationship with Thomas, a proper one. It had been soft and hazy, kisses and touches, laughter and love, everything glowing lavender at the edges. He woke up with a pain in his chest, his feelings for Thomas so strong that they physically hurt. He wanted it desperately, and it had slipped through his fingers. No, he had let it slip through his fingers. He had just stood there like a bally coward and watched Thomas turn away from him.

It was immediately obvious on entering the café that both Mary and Kitty already knew. There was a lot of ‘are you alright’ and ‘how are you feeling’ and ‘take this free food’. It was overwhelming. He needed to know what Thomas had told Kitty. Had he been excited for his future with Isabelle? Or had he been as miserable as James felt?

James got out as soon as he possibly could, needing to put Kitty and Mary’s twin faces of sympathy behind him. It was only when he was back in the street that he realised that the alternative was facing Thomas at work. He was so disorientated that he smacked straight into someone.

“Oh, gosh, I’m sorry James! Are you alright?” Isabelle. Probably the last person that he had wanted to see in that moment.

“Oh, good morning Isabelle. I’m fine thanks, sorry about that. Are you ok? I didn’t spill coffee on you, did I?”

“No, no, I’m fine. It was my fault,” she made no move to go around him. “James, I… I heard. I hope that you’re ok. Break ups are never easy.” James flushed. She had heard. Had Thomas even waited for the corpse of their fake relationship to be cold before he had made a move? “Sorry, I don’t mean to overstep. I overheard Kitty and Mary talking about it. I think that they’re a bit worried about Thomas.”

James snorted in derision. “They have no need to be. He ended it.” Oh bally hell, why did I tell her that? He might as well have stuck Thomas on a silver platter for her.

“Oh! Did he?” Her face lit up. James bubbled with resentment.

“I have to go…” he pushed past her, struggling for breath, in the beginning grips of a panic attack. He shoved the bookshop’s door open, slammed the coffees down onto the counter and headed straight for the staffroom. He collapsed into a chair, his head in his hands, trying to control his breathing.

And then Thomas was there. “James?” He stood behind James and placed his hand tentatively between his shoulder blades. “What happened? Are you ok?” Ridiculously, given the situation that James was in, the touch from Thomas instantly calmed him down. He glanced up and saw Thomas, beautiful Thomas, looking petrified. James felt his heart clench. He couldn’t lose Thomas’ friendship as well as everything else.

“Sorry, Thomas. I’ve had a bad morning. How are you?” he reached up and squeezed Thomas’ hand.

“I’ve had a bad morning as well. Definitely grateful for caffeine today,” he smiled weakly. James returned his smile as best he could. They were speaking to each other, alone in each other’s company, and James wasn’t completely falling apart. They weren’t fighting. It was as much as James could hope for. James was optimistic that their friendship could emerge from this relatively unscathed. He immediately determined that he would do his best to be friends with Thomas, even if it meant seeing him with Isabelle. After all, it wasn’t Thomas’ fault that James was in love with him. Nor was it his fault that James would always be in love with him. He didn’t know, and James was incapable of telling him.

Being Thomas’ friend was torture. All day, it was little touches, it was soft smiles, it was standing entirely too close to each other. It was their fingers brushing as Thomas handed him a mug of tea. It was Thomas squeezing his arm as he slipped behind the counter between James and the wall to serve a customer at the second till. It was splitting a brownie and a millionaire’s shortbread at lunch so that they got to have both. He found himself reaching out to wipe chocolate off of Thomas’ lower lip before he could stop himself. The kisses had stopped, but Thomas seemed just as comfortable casually touching him as before. As James was with him, reaching out to Thomas before he had even thought about it. Each touch burned a brand into his skin until he was aflame. But they didn’t seem to have any affect on Thomas.

The worst part of it all was Pat’s knowing, sad smile. It made James want to cry.

***

Thursday 20 June

It had been over a week. Over a week of stolen longing glances, of brief burning touches, of stopping himself from kissing James at the last minute. Over a week of heartbreak and sadness and despair. Over a week of Kitty eating with him every night so that he didn’t have to be alone. Over a week of crying into his bear until he fell asleep, lying on it and pretending that it was James. Over a week of sympathetic looks from his friends, of them all desperately avoiding telling him that they had told him so. Over a week of avoiding phone calls and ignoring messages from his family, because he didn’t want to hear about how much they had loved James or to have to tell them that it was already over so soon after they had met him.

Over a week of being too scared to tell James how he felt. Over a week of loving James in silence and anguish. Over a week of wondering exactly how long it would take James to make a move on Anthony.

And now it was Thursday again. Movie night at Fanny’s. Last week’s movie night had been horrendous. Of course, Thomas had forgotten to distance himself from James and had selected the seat right next to him, his muscle memory trapping him in an uncomfortable situation that his heart had refused to allow him to move from. Of course, it had been Robin’s turn to pick, so it had been some creepy horror movie that no one else had wanted to watch. Of course, Thomas had been scared out of his wits, and had thrown himself into James’ arms and buried his head in his shoulder before he had even realised what he was doing. Of course, James had just wrapped his arms around Thomas and held him close, kissing the top of his head and comforting him. For another two hours, he had belonged to James again. His despair at the end of it had been profound. Kitty had been forced to sleep over just to get him to calm down.

Thomas sighed and pushed his shopping trolley around the corner to another aisle. It was his turn to get the movie night snacks and he had forgotten on Monday while doing his regular food shop because he had been so distracted by his heartbreak. Kitty had offered to join him, but Thomas had wanted the wallowing space. Now, he wished that he had let her come. There was such a thing as too much silence and space, too much time spent with his own thoughts. Thomas pushed the trolley directly into someone else’s. “Oh, I’m so sorry…” he started.

“Thomas! Not a problem, these things happen!” It was Isabelle, smiling her brilliant smile up at him. He smiled back, wanly. She did not seem to notice his lack of enthusiasm. “How are you doing? I heard about you and James. I’m so sorry.”

“Oh, yeah, thanks,” Thomas’ eyes flitted around, looking for an escape. He couldn’t see one. Isabelle did not hesitate.

“Um, I know that it might be a bit soon, but I was wondering if you still wanted to go for that cup of coffee? Or for dinner? With me, I mean.” Thomas froze. What the hell? How could she be asking that when he was clearly in love with James?

And yet, a few weeks ago, he had thought that it had been all he wanted. He had thought that he wanted it so badly, he had started a physical fight with James, and then proposed the entire stupid arrangement with him. His manipulation had worked, but it had worked on the wrong person. Isabelle had been jealous, and he had proved to her that he was capable of serious relationships. But James didn’t want him. He hadn’t been able to lure James away from Anthony.

Thomas’ mind raced. Could this be a good thing? He couldn’t really see any negatives. Either it made James so overwhelmingly jealous that he begged for Thomas to come back, or Thomas could move on from James with someone who was actually interested in him. “Sure,” he heard himself saying.

His lack of enthusiasm did not deter Isabelle once again. “Great! Say, Mary’s Café at 3pm on Sunday?”

Thomas’ stomach twisted. He couldn’t remember if Kitty or Mary would be working this Sunday. They didn’t work as regular patterns as Pat had them working at the bookshop, as Mary was a much more erratic business owner than Pat, and Kitty thrived on the flexibility. But even if they weren’t working, there was a chance that one of his other friends would be at the café. Or worse. James could be. And Anthony certainly seemed to frequent it on a Sunday. If he saw Thomas on a date, he would think that James was available, and Thomas couldn’t stomach being the one to tell him that. “Better make it Giovanni’s. My friends are less likely to interrupt,” he explained lamely.

“Ah, yes. They were all routing for you and James, weren’t they?” she sounded a bit irritated by that. “A late lunch at Giovanni’s sounds great! I’ll text you?” She smiled. It was dazzling. Thomas wasn’t dazzled. He just wanted to escape.

“Ok,” he pushed his trolley past her, waited for her to go out of sight and earshot, and called his best friend. “Kitty, I know that I’ve made it worse this time…”

***

James did not want to go to movie night that evening. Last week had been horrendous, when Thomas had launched himself at James for comfort, and James had been stupid enough to dare to dream about what could have been once more. For two hours, he’d had Thomas back. And his heart broke all over again at the end of it. He dreaded a repeat performance. If he could have done so without being immediately suspected, James would have called in sick to work and skipped cricket practice and movie night altogether. But Pat and Humphrey would have worked it out. And dragged him anyway, kicking and screaming.

James rubbed his tired eyes as he changed back into his work clothes. He wasn’t sleeping well. Every time he tried, he had dreams of Thomas. Some explicit, some more PG. It didn’t matter, the results were the same. He woke up horny, and desperate and lonely. He was sure that his water usage had gone up in the past week or so, with the amount of cold showers that he was taking. But he had learned early on that attempting to… relieve the pressure made it a thousand percent worse the next time he had to look Thomas in the eye. Which he had to do every day due to their forced proximity at work and socially. It was no wonder that James’ brain had always kept him from being friends with Thomas before, trying to protect his heart from the exact situation he now found himself in. Ironic, isn’t it?

Humphrey didn’t even bother asking him if he was going to movie night. He just left to go and get his car. James didn’t blame him. Trying to get a conversation out of him at the moment was like pulling teeth. It was even worse when Thomas was present, and all he could focus on was his scent, the cut of his cheekbones, the depths in his eyes. On how much James loved him. How much he missed him. Pat was getting increasingly frustrated with him at work because of it.

“Hi, James. It was a good session tonight,” Anthony touched his arm.

“Oh, hi Anthony. Thanks.” James was confused. It had been a terrible session, he was too distracted to concentrate on it properly. Humphrey had even been forced to gently step in at one point to correct his mistakes when attempting to explain a new strategy.

“I hope you don’t take this the wrong way. But I heard about you and Thomas. And I’ll regret not asking. So, do you want to go for dinner with me next week? Maybe on Monday?” Anthony was looking down at him anxiously, shifting from foot to foot. James was about to say no, when something made him pause.

He remembered the way that Thomas had told him to be with Anthony. He thought about Isabelle’s completely undisguised glee at hearing that Thomas had been the one to end it. This was what James had wanted all along, a date with Anthony. Why shouldn’t he try it? It might make him forget all about Thomas (although James highly doubted it). But more importantly, this whole arrangement had started in a misguided bid to make Anthony jealous. Maybe if he reversed it, Thomas would be jealous of Anthony, as James was jealous of Isabelle. If James could make Anthony see that he was emotionally available, surely he could make Thomas see that he was crazily in love with him?

It was insane, but before he could stop himself, James opened his mouth. “Ok. Say, 1830 hours, at Giovanni’s?”

“Perfect! I’ll see you then!” Anthony grinned happily. James barely grimaced in response, but Anthony didn’t seem to notice. Humphrey pulled up and James awkwardly waved goodbye as he threw himself into the car, taking deep, calming breaths. Humphrey was frowning at his phone. James glanced over and saw, accidentally, that it was a message from Kitty to a group chat that he clearly wasn’t a part of. It contained the words ‘Isabelle’ and ‘Thomas’ and ‘date’ in the same sentence. James screwed his eyes shut. This can’t be happening.

“Anthony just asked me out,” he told Humphrey, wanting to erase what he had seen.

“What?” Humphrey asked, his voice sharp. “Please tell me that you said no?”

“I said yes,” James replied, faintly. What had he been thinking? Every fibre of his being longed for Thomas.

“James! What the hell is wrong with you? Why can’t you just use your words with Thomas instead of trying to make him jealous?” Humphrey hit the nail on the head. James hung his head, ashamed. Humphrey always did see right through him.

“I don’t know how, Humph. I’ve tried, really I have. I just can’t do it. Besides, I liked Anthony before. Why can’t I like him again?” James heard the sound of Humphrey furiously typing something on his phone. Presumably he was messaging this new group chat. Probably moaning about how stupid James was. James didn’t blame him.

“Because you never really liked him, James. You had a momentary crush on an attractive man, which you developed as a sub-conscious attempt to make Tom jealous. As you have with every crush you have had in the last five years. There’s a reason none of them went anywhere. You’ve been in love with Thomas for all of that time. You are still in love with Thomas. You will probably remain in love with Thomas until the day that you die. Why do you feel the need to sabotage yourself at every available opportunity?” James had never seen Humphrey so furious. “Text Anthony and tell him you can’t go. I swear to god, James, I am this close to never speaking to you again.”

“Ok, ok, I’ll try and find a way out of it,” James knew that it was the right thing to do. He really didn’t want to go on a date with Anthony. He just wanted Thomas back.

Humphrey sighed. “Thank you,” he looked over at James. “Look, why don’t you come over on Sunday and we can try to put together what it is that you want to say to Tom? And then maybe on Tuesday, when Pat isn’t there, you can find the time to say it?”

James lit up. He didn’t deserve a friend like Humphrey. “Good lord, Humph, you’d do that for me? That would be so incredibly helpful.”

“You’re my best friend, James. You don’t always make it easy, but I’d do anything to help you. You and Thomas belong together. Everyone knows that,” Humphrey grinned at him. And for the first time in just over a week, James couldn’t help but think that maybe everything would work itself out.

Chapter Text

Sunday 23 June

Kitty had begged, cajoled, raged and threatened. Thomas had refused to cancel the date with Isabelle, determined to try to make James jealous. Now Kitty wasn’t speaking to him, and he was heading out on a date that he really didn’t actually want to go on. To make matters even worse, he hadn’t been able to tell James that he was going on the date, his words failing him every single time that he had tried, so the entire point of it was redundant.

As Thomas pushed open the door to the restaurant, he thought that he should really consider the choices that he had made that had led him to that point. He had monumentally fucked everything up. He supposed that the only saving grace was that he couldn’t really fuck it up any further. But nor did he know how to even begin to untangle the mess that he had made of everything.

Isabelle was already inside and waiting, so he headed over and dropped into the seat opposite her. There was an awkward moment then, as she had stood up for a hug in greeting, so Thomas had to get back up. Isabelle was wearing yet another green dress. Someone had clearly told her that she looked good in the colour, and she did. She looked beautiful. But Thomas had forgotten about her penchant for green, and was wearing a dark green button down that made it look like he had deliberately tried to match it to her. Which he hadn’t.

Thomas grabbed the drinks menu. “Shall we spilt a bottle of wine?”

An awkward pause. “I don’t drink.” Ah yes. She had told him that. He froze, knowing that he couldn’t get through this without alcohol. “I don’t mind if you want to drink though.”

“Oh, thank god.” A brief pause when he realised that he had said that out loud. An awkward laugh. Silence while they separately considered the menu. They placed their orders. “So, how long have you worked at the library?” Just for a lack of anything else to say.

“Oh, it was my first week when we first met. So, nearly three months? It’s ok, but it’s not the long-term goal, you know? It sounds silly, but what I really want is to be a mum.”

“That’s not silly. Plenty of people work alongside being parents,” Thomas smiled at her. He was just thinking that she would probably make quite a good parent, actually, when the look on her face told him that he had misinterpreted what she had said.

“Well, that’s just it. I don’t want to work. I want to be a mum.” Suddenly, Isabelle dating Francis made sense to Thomas in a way that it never had before. Francis certainly made enough money to keep Isabelle at home, if that’s what she wanted. Thomas did not.

“Ah. Well, I think that’s great. I’d love to not work and just be able to write.” It wasn’t the same, but Thomas was already clutching at straws. It also wasn’t strictly true. Thomas loved working at Fit to Print. He would miss it like mad if he stopped. And not just because it would mean that he no longer had an excuse to see James every single day.

“What would you write?” she asked.

“Well, poetry, obviously. Maybe a novel. It depends on where the muse took me, really. I like to read crime thrillers, but I don’t think I’d be any good at writing them. Maybe romantic comedies, possibly romantasy? I read and watch a lot of those, so I’m familiar with all of the tropes. Plus, Kitty would be a fantastic test audience for me. Albeit a slightly biased one.” She hummed, not really interested. Thomas pressed on, keen to avoid another awkward silence. “What do you like to read?”

She laughed. “Oh, I don’t really read. I’m not a fan of it. I’d rather watch tv.”

Thomas was stunned. “Oh. I just assumed… you know, because you work in a library…”

Isabelle frowned. “What, that I love books? I don’t. You don’t love books because you work in a bookshop. Like, it’s not a requirement.”

“Oh, but I do love books. All of us do. Pat, Alison, Obi… James and I.” He tripped over James’ name. James and I. Us. That was what he wanted. He wanted to be with James. He wanted to run away from this awful date with this beautiful person who he had nothing in common with and no interest in, and find the one person who meant the most to him. The goddamn love of his life.

Isabelle scowled at the mention of James’ name. She tried to change the subject. “How long have you worked at Fit to Print?”

Talking about work just made Thomas think about James even more. He remembered how gobsmacked he had been when he first started at Pat’s that one man could be quite so gorgeous. His sexy silver fox thing really did it for Thomas, it always had. That salt and pepper hair. Those stormy blue eyes. That tall and toned physique. Thomas had been doomed from the first second their eyes met. Thomas had desperately wanted not to embarrass himself in front of him, thinking that he would stand a chance if he could just be normal for five minutes. Admittedly a tall order at the best of times. But then Adam had come in, all scruffy dark blonde hair and Scottish accent and buff gym body, wanting James back, and Thomas had died a little. He hadn’t known that the group had hated Adam, and that he and James had broken up the first time because he was an insensitive workaholic. So he had flirted with Heather, who turned out to be both Fanny’s cousin and a lesbian, in a desperate attempt to make James jealous, to make himself appear like a hot commodity. It had spectacularly backfired. Thomas had embarrassed himself so deeply that he hadn’t been able to have a conversation with James again without it turning into an argument. And James had got back with Adam. Albeit only briefly.

James had experienced a minor breakdown when things had ended with Adam for good, and he had grown that stupid walrus moustache in the same way that other people cut bangs or dyed their hair. It was ridiculous, but it made him look distinguished in a way that made Thomas weak at the knees. He missed that thing.

He missed James.

“Um, about five years? Ever since I moved back from London, really. I was struggling to make a living from writing after university, so I moved back to the general vicinity of where I grew up. Near enough to my parents that I could rely on them for support, but far enough away that I could fool myself that I was still independent. Pat took pity on me and gave me a job, introduced me to the gang. And that was that, really. I’ve been there ever since.”

“Five years? And you’ve never had a promotion or thought about moving on to somewhere else?” she asked, sounding a bit scandalised.

Thomas laughed. “A promotion to what? Pat’s the manager, he doesn’t need any other managerial staff. It’s only ever James and I, or Alison and Obi. And all four of us have been there for so long, we don’t really need any managing from Pat either, but Fit to Print is his baby and he’d have an aneurysm if he wasn’t there all of the time. I don’t want to move on to anything else. It suits me. I get to read or write all day and do very little actual work. I have access to a never-ending supply of books, which are free because Pat is too soft to make us pay for them. I like the customers and I like my duties and responsibilities. I like working with Pat and James, Alison and Obi. I like working so close to Kitty and Mary, and a bottomless supply of fresh coffee and baked goods, which are also free because Mary’s too soft to make us pay as well. I’m very lucky to work for, with and near to some of my closest friends. It’s incredibly conveniently located and close to my home. I don’t work weekends, unless I’m really needed. I can take as much holiday as I want, because Pat doesn’t care. It’s the perfect job.”

“Your salary isn’t good.” Thomas was gobsmacked. He could think of nothing to say in response to that. “You’ve never thought of asking Pat to be the deputy manager or something? I can see why James hasn’t. He’s already had a career and this is like semi-retirement for him.”

Now Thomas was angry. “Semi-retirement? He’s not that old! He was medically discharged from the Army, he didn’t leave by choice, and it certainly wasn’t due to age. He sometimes struggles with his injured knee, and still works twice as hard as I do! If Pat was going to promote either of us to such an unnecessary position, it would be James. He’s been there longer than me and he certainly deserves it more than I ever would!”

“There’s no need to be so defensive. You broke up with him, remember?” Isabelle had crossed her arms and was glaring at him now.

Thomas’ breath was shallow. He was on the edge of completely losing his temper. He struggled to get his breathing back under control. “Let’s just… I don’t want to talk about James.” Because I love him and he broke my heart and he’s all I can think about…

“You mentioned his name three times before I did,” she pointed out. Thomas ignored it and tried to think of another topic to talk about, but was coming up blank. This is horrendous. Kitty was right, he should never have come. They had absolutely nothing in common, and he did not want to be here. Which was obviously showing. “What tv shows do you watch?” Isabelle asked, slightly manically, obviously trying to sweep the argument under the rug.

“I don’t, really. I’m more of a movie person. We do weekly movie nights at Button House, and we rotate whose choice it is to pick a film every week. So we watch a wide-range of movies, as Robin loves horror, Pat is a sci-fi nerd, Kitty is a rom-com queen, and Humphrey will watch anything nominated for an Oscar so that he can analyse it.”

“Ah. I don’t really watch films. I much prefer a television show. The longer-running, the better!” There was another too long pause. “Well, what about exercise? I’m a keen horse rider, I love hiking and I jog.” Isabelle’s smile was painted on now, and she had an air of desperation.

Thomas fought the urge to roll his eyes. She really was clutching at straws now. Thomas was skittish around large animals and refused to go anywhere near Humphrey or Fanny’s horses, would only hike if dragged by the group with the promise of a glass of wine and a poetic view at the end of it, and could not be persuaded that jogging wasn’t an act of self-harm. “I guess I do the odd yoga class or I’ll go wild swimming with Kitty, but otherwise I don’t really exercise. I never really found anything that suited me.” An uncomfortable silence that lasted until their food arrived.

The rest of the date was similarly horrible. While Isabelle was in the bathroom, he messaged Kitty to apologise and tell her. He got back a smug and well-deserved “I TOLD YOU SO!!” Thomas didn’t care. At least she was speaking to him again. He never wanted to go through Kitty ignoring him ever again.

At the end of the date, Thomas thought that he would do the gentlemanly thing and walk Isabelle home. It was totally the opposite direction to his home, and he wished that he could have got away with not doing it. It did take him somewhere near the vicinity of Kitty’s flat though. Thomas resolved to go there and apologise to Kitty properly, hoping that she would let him in to vent about it. Especially the comment that Isabelle had made about James.

At her doorstep, Isabelle turned and looked up at him flirtatiously. “Do you want to come in?” she asked. Is she out of her mind? Thomas thought about James, his lips on Thomas’, his hands on his waist, the things he did to Thomas in his dreams. All of the things Thomas wanted to do with James. Thomas didn’t want to do those things with Isabelle. At all. Or with anyone, in fact, that wasn’t James.

“No, thank you Isabelle. I’d better get back. Kitty needs me.” It was an excuse he knew that Kitty would back up if he needed her to.

Isabelle rolled her eyes. “Of course she does. I’ve never seen a more co-dependent group of people in all my life. Bye, Thomas. This was… nice.”

Thomas, too grateful to be free to explode with rage (co-dependent? Seriously?! What was her problem?), ran all the way to Kitty’s.

***

Monday 24 June

James was fully planning on doing what Humphrey had asked him to do. He was absolutely going to call off the date with Anthony. He didn’t want to go anyway. But he had heard Thomas whispering furiously to Kitty on Saturday evening at a group barbecue on the lawn at Button House that he wasn’t going to cancel his date with Isabelle on Sunday just because Kitty thought that he shouldn’t go. James had thought that two could play at that game. So despite Humphrey’s pushing, James hadn’t called it off with Anthony. Humphrey was furious. Almost as apoplectic as Kitty had been with Thomas.

James would have cancelled it, even at the last minute, if he had received any inkling that Thomas’ date on Sunday had gone badly. But at work, Thomas and Pat gave nothing away. James could only assume that it had gone well. So James went.

James arrived at Giovanni’s early, having come straight from work across the road. He was early even after he had lingered in the stockroom until he was sure that Thomas wouldn’t see him going to the restaurant. James didn’t want Thomas to know that he was going on a date. Which he knew sort of defeated the point of going on it at all. James just didn’t want to go on the date. He hadn’t even bothered to change out of his work clothes.

There was an exceptionally awful moment as he entered the restaurant when the staff recognised him and profusely expressed their sorrow at the end of his relationship with Thomas. “Your pretty boyfriend, he here yesterday with some girl. Not good. Very bad date.” Now all James could think about was whether it hadn’t gone well with Isabelle. Didn’t go well in what way? Had it been Thomas’ fault, or Isabelle’s? Or did they just mean that it was bad that Thomas was on a date with someone other than James?

He was so distracted that he didn’t even notice Anthony turn up. He was dressed very smartly in a blue blazer, shirt and tie, and beige chinos, making James feel slightly bad for his complete lack of effort.

The conversation was fine, mainly focussing on their experiences in the Army, and their shared love of cricket. But Fanny had been right. There was no spark. James just didn’t want Anthony like he wanted Thomas. He suddenly realised that if he had never met Thomas, Anthony might have been perfect for him. They could have been completely happy together.

But being with Thomas was more than that. Realising that he was in love with Thomas had been like removing a blindfold and ear defenders, that he hadn’t even realised he had been wearing, at the same time. Everything was brighter and louder. It made him feel alive in a way he never had before. Anthony was a quiet beige. Thomas was screaming technicolour. And now that he had experienced the world in that way, James couldn’t go back.

About halfway through dinner, Anthony went to take his hand across the table. James flinched away from his touch. What the bally hell do you think you’re doing? James wasn’t a fan of touching in public, his in-built repression from his Army days not allowing him to be comfortable with it. But with Thomas, it had never been an issue. He had never reacted that way to Thomas, even when he had been surprised by him. James knew that it wasn’t just because he was in love with Thomas. Paradoxically, the fact that it had been fake had allowed him to be much less careful and caution had gone to the wind. He had thrown himself all in.

Anthony grimaced. “Sorry. I knew that it was too soon. After Thomas, I mean. I just couldn’t help it. I like you, a lot.” James didn’t know what to do. He made some extremely non-committal noises while his brain focussed on the image of Thomas, dancing around the bookshop wildly, his head thrown back in laughter, his eyes sparkling with joy. “And, I don’t know, I just think that I could make you much happier. Thomas… well, he seems like a lot.”

“Excuse me?” James couldn’t breathe.

“Oh, he has his moments! Your birthday was a lovely gesture. And he did rather come to my rescue with Cartwright. But he strikes me as exceptionally high maintenance.” James just stared at him. Anthony dug the hole deeper. “Well, for example, on May Day. The bear at the carnival, was that really necessary? Where does he even keep something that big? And the dancing at the party. It was like he and Kitty needed to be the centre of attention of the entire room. Everyone else had to give them a wide berth. I was shattered just watching them. Not to mention the PDA, it was all a bit much, and it was constant. I’m just saying, I understand why you broke it off with him. It must have been exhausting, and it wasn’t going anywhere.”

James saw red. How dare he? “That was the best birthday that I have ever had. Not just because of the paintball, which was an incredibly thoughtful thing for him to do, but because I got to spend it with him. Which was all I wanted anyway. The bear was my idea, I wanted to do it for him. Thomas loves a grand gesture, but he’d never ask for one. He deserves to be spoilt, but is always afraid of asking for too much. You’re completely wrong about him, he lives in fear of being an irritation to other people after a lifetime of being made to feel like an inconvenience. Thomas dances for Kitty, not himself. She’s been in dance therapy since she was four, after her mother died. It’s one of the only things that makes her truly happy. Most of the village understand that, and no one objects because she has done something nice and selfless for most of the people who live here. She is his best friend in the whole world and he would do anything for her. As would we all, because she is a perfect angel, and deserves nothing less. The PDA went both ways. I couldn’t keep my hands off of him either. He completely saved your skin with Cartwright and you couldn’t be less grateful.”

Anthony was taken aback. “I am grateful.” James shook his head, furious with Anthony, furious with himself. “Why did you break up with him then, James?”

“I don’t know,” James replied, honestly. He hadn’t really been the one to initiate it, but he hadn’t fought back either. He hadn’t fought for Thomas at all. He had just let Thomas push him away because it was easier than confessing. It was easier to blame Thomas than it was to actually present Thomas with all of the facts so that he could make an informed decision. Thomas hadn’t chosen Isabelle over him, because he had never known that James was an option. Damn it, I hate it when Humphrey is right. I should have said something.

It was awkward after that, neither one really knowing what to say. James offered to walk Anthony home, forever the gentleman. But what he really wanted was to go home and go over the speech that Humphrey had written for him the day before because James had been too anxious at the thought of Thomas out on a date with Isabelle to meaningfully contribute to the conversation.

“Do you want to fuck me, James?” Anthony didn’t sound seductive. He sounded quite detached and clinical, actually. “It’s ok either way. But if not, I’d rather you didn’t walk me home, if that’s alright.”

Bally hell. “No, I don’t!” he blurted. Somehow, that felt like… cheating on Thomas.

“That’s ok,” Anthony cocked his head. “You’re in love with your skinny little poet, aren’t you?”

James didn’t even consider lying. “Yes.” I’m desperately and completely in love with him. And I lost him.

Anthony clapped his hand on his shoulder. “Then you should tell him that before it’s too late.”

***

Tuesday 25 June

“Kitty, you don’t have to come with me,” Thomas told her for the billionth time already that morning. “You have a morning off, I’m sure that you have better things to do than hang out with me while I work.”

She tilted her head to the side. “No, not really Tommy. I would normally hang out with you on a day off anyway. And all of our other friends are working.”

“Pat isn’t,” Thomas shot back instantly. “It’s Tuesday. Or you could go and spend time with Alison in her studio, I know that you don’t feel like you get enough time with her. And she loves having you there.”

“Nope. I’m with you today. Stop complaining, you love it.”

“Kitty-Kat. You’re up to something. I’m not stupid. I just don’t know what it is.”

“Ok, fine,” Kitty sighed and squirmed and wouldn’t make eye contact with him. “James went on a date last night.” 

Thomas stopped walking. “With Anthony?”

Kitty grabbed his hand. “I’m so sorry Thomas, I should have said something sooner. But I just…”

“It’s ok,” he interrupted. “I’m assuming that everyone else knew as well, so you’re not the only one who kept it from me. Why would anyone tell me? I’m just the mug who is helplessly in love with him.” Kitty tried to hug him, but Thomas pulled away and started walking again. “I suppose he had a great time and it ended in sex?”

Kitty coughed uncomfortably. “We don’t know. Nobody heard from him last night. Not even Humphrey.”

Thomas tripped. Kitty grabbed his arm before he fell down. Thomas looked at her, the tears already streaming down his face, his heart shattering in his chest all over again. “You should have told me. I should have called in sick.”

“No babe, I’m here, you’re not going in alone! I can find out what happened and I can tell you,” Kitty wiped his tears away. “Come on, honey, you can do this.”

“I can’t watch him fall in love with someone else, Kits. I’ll die. The heartbreak will quite literally kill me.”

“We don’t know that anything happened yet! And in the absolute worst case scenario, Alison will cover you for the rest of the day, and we can swap jobs for a while, Mary and Pat won’t mind. You and I will keep ourselves to ourselves for a bit. I’m not abandoning you with this. Not ever. And I will never accept Anthony, and I know the others won’t either.” Thomas launched himself at her, burying his head into her shoulder.

“I love you so much, did you know that? I don’t tell you enough,” Thomas sobbed.

“I love you too, you muppet. You’re my best friend. You’ve been my best friend for five years. God knows what I’d do without you. Which is why I’m not letting you die of heartbreak. Who would braid my hair and paint my nails then?” Thomas laughed wetly, letting her take his hand and lead him up the High Street.

Mary passed them their morning coffees (two iced caramel lattes for him and Kitty, and James’ black americano) and some assorted baked goods silently, her eyes scanning Thomas’ face closely, full of worry and a deep concern. Pat was sat at the counter, chewing his nails nervously. Humphrey, Fanny, Julian and Robin were at one of the tables, deep in a conversation that had abruptly stopped when Thomas walked in. Suddenly, Kitty’s rare morning off made complete sense. They had conspired to make sure that he was alright. With him, they had known right away that his date with Isabelle had been terrible. Thomas had gone running to Kitty, who wouldn’t have hesitated to share it with the others. She had probably messaged a group chat that he was not a part of the second that he had told her in the restaurant that the date was awful. James’ radio silence was stressing them out as much as it was him. He felt an overwhelming rush of affection for his friends. They all knew. They were all routing for him.

Thomas ran around, hugging them all and kissing them on their cheeks. Humphrey grabbed his hand. “Don’t let him go without a fight, yeah?” Thomas nodded emphatically. He wasn’t going to. He was going to fight back. He could play a far dirtier game than Anthony ever could, and Anthony had certainly tried to undermine Thomas at every opportunity that he had. And Thomas had much better access to James than Anthony ever could have. His friends made him feel more confident. Thomas had a super-weapon that Anthony would never have. Or, rather, he had seven of them.

Thomas felt his resolve strengthen. It didn’t matter if the date had gone well. James belonged to Thomas. If he wanted him back, he would have to take him back. He was yet to find out, but Anthony may well have won this battle. Thomas would win the war.

James was pacing around the bookshop. When the door bell announced their arrival, he spun around so fast that it was a minor miracle that he didn’t give himself whiplash. His face fell when he saw Kitty. “Katherine! I wasn’t expecting the pleasure of your company today.” Thomas squeezed her hand tighter, clinging to her for stability. He needed her there until he found out what the situation was with Anthony.

“Oh, I have the morning off. I don’t have anywhere else to be, so I thought I’d hang out with Tom. He’s going to teach me how to understand Shakespeare!” she cried breezily, easily feigning nonchalance. Thomas loved her so much - she was a far better actress than he could ever be.

“Well, I’m not sure that we can accomplish all of that in one morning doll, but we can certainly make a start!” Thomas laughed despite himself.

Around mid-morning, Thomas went to stick the kettle on, reading the signs from Kitty to leave her alone with James so that she could pry. He heard Kitty and James speaking to each other at a low level. He forced himself to remain in the staffroom, despite being desperate to know what they were talking about. When he left the room, tea mugs in his hands, his heart pounding in his chest, Kitty was tapping away at her phone, her thumbs dancing in the way that meant that she was frantically texting. She shot him a glance of reassurance as she took her mug of tea. When he handed James’ mug over, James brushed his fingers against Thomas’, causing his stomach to flutter and his pulse to race.

Thomas surreptitiously checked his phone. There was a message from Kitty. “He went home alone!! Sounds like his date went about as well as yours did…” Thomas cringed at the memory. It had probably been the worst date that he had ever been on. He really shouldn’t have gone. It hadn’t been fair to Isabelle at all.

Thomas was thrilled to hear that James’ date had also not gone well. As much as it wouldn’t have changed the way that he felt about James, Thomas was exceptionally glad to hear that he hadn’t slept with Anthony. It would have felt dangerously close to being cheated on.

Mentally, Thomas brushed himself off. It was time to go on the charm offensive. “Are those jeans new, James? They look great on you!” Thomas knew that they were new. They had been purchased when they had been shopping with Daley and Humphrey. Thomas had picked them out for James to replace the ones that were too baggy on him.

“Um, yes. These are the ones that you told me to get.”

Thomas grinned wolfishly. “Well, your arse looks just as good in them as I thought it would.“ He took a sip of his tea, returning his attention to Shakespeare and Kitty, enjoying the flush that flooded onto James’ face. Kitty winked at him, her face shining with barely concealed glee.

When Kitty left to go to work, Thomas had a flutter of nerves again, clinging to her to try to make her stay. She pulled him close. “Tom, you’ve got this,” she whispered into his ear. “You don’t have to confess it all today. Don’t put pressure on yourself. Just let him know that you’re interested, and don’t let him make any mistakes about it.”

Thomas could do that. When Kitty left, Thomas flirted outrageously with James for the rest of the day. He giggled, he twirled his finger around his curls, he touched James’ chest, his arm, his thigh. He found a way to constantly be in James’ personal space. He hand fed him bits of his lunch, insisting that he just had to try this new cake that Mary had sent around. He found it difficult to reach shelves that he had been placing books onto for years, suddenly needing a big strong man to do it for him. He suggested that they get a palm reading book off of the shelf as a way to pass the time, running his fingers across James’ palm lightly as he stared into his eyes and told him that he had already met the tall(ish), dark, handsome man that he was going to spend the rest of his life with. He had trouble calculating the change for a regular customer who always insisted on paying in cash so that James would stand over his shoulder and do it for him. He turned the stockroom iPad off, then pretended that he couldn’t get it to work properly, praising James for being a genius when he turned it back on. He put a playlist on that consisted entirely of songs about sex, then deliberately brushed against James at the most suggestive lyrics.

By the end of the day, James was glowing a constant crimson. Thomas had no way of knowing how successful he had been, but he felt that some steps in the right direction had been taken. He would keep going until he felt ready to attempt to confess again. He was going to get James back.

***

The day wasn’t going as James had planned. At all. He had spent all night after his disastrous date with Anthony preparing for work the following day. He had planned on presenting Thomas with a single red rose and telling him how he felt, having memorised the speech that Humphrey had written for him for that purpose. He had just about worked up the courage to do it in the morning, when Thomas arrived at work. If it went badly, he could always call Alison or Obi and ask them to cover him for the rest of the day in exchange for a weekend day. Or he could try to talk Kitty into swapping jobs with him for a while. The day had started out well, and James had found what he wanted in the florists before work with ease. But then Kitty had walked in with Thomas, and James’ plan had flown out of the window.

Kitty had confronted him while Thomas had been making tea. James was right about the group chat that he was not in, and Humphrey had told the others that he was going out with Anthony. She demanded to know how it had gone and whether he had gone home with Anthony. James told her, he told her everything, unable to stop the word vomit from coming out of his mouth. It was awful, it was horrendous, he had thought about Thomas the entire time. He couldn’t have slept with Anthony even if he had tried, which he hadn’t, because he was insanely in love with Thomas and it would have felt like cheating on him. Her relief was palpable, and she had immediately started texting the others. Before Thomas had come back, Kitty had fixed him with a look and told him to buck his ideas up before he lost Thomas and she had to kill him.

James determined to tell him in the afternoon instead, once Kitty had gone to work. But that plan had also gone out of the window.

James knew that he wasn’t imagining things. Not only had Kitty all but confirmed that James had a chance with him, but Thomas had been flirting with him outrageously all day. It had started with the comment about his bottom in his new jeans, and it had gotten worse after Kitty had left. James knew the difference between an iPad which had been turned off and one which was broken. James knew that Thomas could reach that shelf and had seen him do it on many an occasion. Maths might not be Thomas’ strong point, but he had never had that much trouble calculating change before, and besides, James had watched him hide the calculator placed by the till to help with such occasions before he had asked James for his assistance. The playlist choice was deliberate. After one particular brush against him to an outstandingly suggestive song lyric, James had needed to go to the bathroom to calm himself down. He couldn’t be sure about the palm reading prediction, but he sure hoped that Thomas wanted to spend the rest of his life with James. And Thomas certainly was a tall, dark, handsome man who he already knew.

James was rapidly losing his self-control, and the urge to grab Thomas, kiss him until he was breathless and then carry him off to do unspeakable things to him in the stockroom was getting ridiculous. But James knew that they needed to use their words. He wouldn’t put it past either of them for them to have sex, not speak about it, and still question whether their relationship was real, or to doubt their feelings towards each other. James couldn’t leave any room for uncertainty. Besides, he didn’t want their first time to be up against a shelf in the stockroom. And despite Pat’s obvious enthusiasm for the idea of them being a couple, James didn’t think that Pat would like that either.

Before long, it was the end of the day, and they were locking up. James couldn’t think of a reason to prolong being with Thomas. He had lost the opportunity. He would have to wait a week now, he wouldn’t be able to get it out in front of the others, not even Pat. And now that they weren’t fake dating, James was struggling to come up with a reason to see Thomas one on one outside of work so that he could use the opportunity to confess to him. “See you tomorrow,” Thomas called over his shoulder as he walked up the High Street home. James was going in the opposite direction.

He had walked for maybe two minutes when the heavens opened. James stopped and pulled an umbrella out of his bag. Then he froze. This was it. It was a stupid reason, but it was all he needed. He turned and ran back towards Fit to Print, shooting past it in the direction of Thomas’ cottage.

James caught up with him halfway to his home. As predicted, he wasn’t wearing a coat, and he had no umbrella. “Thomas!” James yelled. Thomas turned, his face lighting up when he saw James. “Tom, you’re going to get wet.” He stopped a couple of inches away from him, holding the umbrella over them both.

Thomas laughed. “It’s a bit late for that, James!” Thomas was soaked through.

“I don’t want you getting any wetter. Here, I’ll walk you home.”

Thomas didn’t move. “Why?”

James blinked. “What do you mean ‘why’?”

“Why do you care if I get wet, James?” He looked so serious, water dripping off of his beautiful curls, droplets running off of his nose, his work shirt clinging to his body in a way that was extremely distracting.

“I… well, I…” James stammered.

Thomas smiled sadly. “Never mind. I’ll see you tomorrow.” He began to walk away, back into the rain.

“No, Thomas, wait. Please.” Thomas span back around to face him.

“Why, James?” he asked softly, and patiently waited for him to say more. He didn’t step back underneath James’ umbrella.

James lowered the umbrella, flinching as the first raindrops hit him. Before long, he was as soaked as Thomas. Somehow, it made him feel more grounded. He took a deep breath. It came from the heart, his memorised speech from Humphrey completely fleeing his brain. “I care because you are the best thing that has ever happened to me. I care because I miss you when you’re not around, and you’re all I can see when I close my eyes. I care because you haunt my dreams and you plague my thoughts. I care because I had more fun in the two months that I was pretending to date you than I’ve ever had in any of my previous relationships. I care because I love you, Tom. I am completely, crazily in love with you. I want you back. But I want it to be real this time.”

“You love me?” Thomas asked, quietly, hopefully.

“I always have. And I always will,” James confirmed.

Thomas moved closer, until they were practically touching. He tilted his head back to stare into James’ eyes. “I love you too. I am head over heels in love with you. I cannot live without you. You’re the air that I breathe, the water that I drink, the caffeine that gets me out of bed in the mornings. I go out of my mind with jealousy when you so much as look at another man. I want to be yours so badly it hurts. And I want every part of you to be mine. I fell in love with you at first sight five years ago, and I will love you until I draw my last breath. I want to be in a relationship with you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”

Then they were kissing. It didn’t matter who moved first, it only mattered that they were. Both of them poured every strength of feeling into it. The kiss was dizzying, it was earth-shattering. It was real. James pulled Thomas closer, wrapping his arms around Thomas’ waist. Thomas wound his arms around James’ neck and pressed himself closer still. Their tongues were fighting for dominance. James could taste the rain and the salt of their tears. They were stood there, getting more and more wet, kissing in the pouring rain.

A sudden bolt of lightning and boom of thunder caused them to break apart. They stared at each other for a second, panting, until Thomas grabbed James’ hand and pulled him after him as he ran off in the direction of his cottage. When they got there, Thomas unlocked the door, pulled James in, dropped their bags onto the floor and slammed the door shut by shoving James up against it.

Thomas kissed him again, his long fingers at the bottom of James’ t-shirt, pulling it up suddenly. James pulled back, as much as he could while pinned against the door. “We have to get them off darling, or we’ll catch a cold,” Thomas said. James didn’t move, frozen in place by the thought that this could finally be happening. Thomas pulled his own t-shirt over his head. The sight of his bare chest made James positively feral. James yanked his work shirt over his head. He kissed Thomas again, pulling him back towards him using his belt loops. Thomas moaned into his mouth, and James bent his head to kiss down Thomas’ neck. He sucked a bruise into his collarbone, delighting in the breathy noises that Thomas was making. James’ hand went to the button of Thomas’ jeans. He undid it and unzipped them, before pushing them down. He moved his hand to feel Thomas through his boxers. Thomas moaned filthily, and James shuddered in response. The line was well and truly crossed.

Chapter Text

Wednesday 26 June

Thomas woke up, naked, tangled in James’ arms, his head resting on his bare chest. He felt delirious with happiness remembering the previous day. James loved him just as fiercely as he loved James. They had reconciled. They’d had incredible sex, then showered together. They had gone downstairs, dressed only in dressing gowns. Thomas had taken their boxers downstairs and gathered up the rest of their soaking wet clothes from where they had left them in the hallway after frantically pulling them off of each other. He had put them in the washing machine while James had made mugs of tea and chucked some frozen chicken and chips into the air fryer. They had cuddled up on the sofa together to watch tv and munch their dinner, fully content in each other’s company.

Thomas had asked James if he wanted to stay over. Given that his clothes had been in Thomas’ tumble dryer at the time, he could feasibly have gone home if he had wanted to. James had looked him dead in the eye and told him that wild horses would have to drag him away. He wasn’t planning on spending any unnecessary time away from Thomas at all. Ever again.

After that, kissing had turned into touching, which had led to a second round of mind-blowing sex. They had climbed under the covers together, kissing and talking and running their hands over each other. While stroking Thomas’ curls as Thomas nestled into his chest, James had spotted the bear. “So the bear lives up here, does it?”

Thomas had raised himself up to look at James. “I sleep better with him. He smells like you.” James had growled in response and kissed Thomas until he was breathless.

At some point, they must have fallen asleep. It was now morning, and Thomas thought that he should probably check the time and get ready for work. But he had absolutely no intention of moving from James’ arms. He kissed James’ neck, burying his nose into the skin and inhaling his scent. James stirred beneath him. “Good morning, my love,” James murmured sleepily, tightening his grip on Thomas.

“Good morning, darling. This is a lovely way to wake up.”

“It certainly is,” James agreed, kissing him. Thomas kissed him back. Surely they had time for a quick shag before work? Thomas decided that they did. 

Afterwards, they lay in bed kissing, wrapped in each other’s arms until James, ever the responsible one, pulled away. “I hate to be this person, but what time is it? We do have to go to work this morning.”

Thomas sighed. “I left my phone in my bag. I’ll go and get it.”

“Ok, sweetheart. I’ll jump in the shower, if that’s ok? Come join me in a minute?”

“Of course,” Thomas kissed James again, before reluctantly disentangling himself from his arms and getting out of bed. He padded down the stairs and got his phone. No battery. Typical. He fished James’ phone out of his bag too. Also dead. Thomas sighed. He went into the kitchen and retrieved James’ clothes from the tumble dryer. Thomas headed back up the stairs, placing James’ clothes on the bed and plugging both phones in to charge before jumping in the shower with James. It wasn’t until afterwards that he realised that he could have checked the time on the oven clock.

After he had gotten dressed, Thomas turned his phone back on. His notifications were carnage. “Oh shit! James, I have like thirty missed calls from Kitty.”

James, in the middle of tying his shoelaces, looked up at him, startled. “Gosh, that’s a lot. I wonder why?” He finished tying his shoe, grabbed his own phone and turned it on. “Good lord! Thomas, it’s 10am! We’re two hours late for work!” They looked at each other, stunned into inactivity. Then they started moving at the exact same time. They bolted down the stairs, grabbing their bags and Thomas threw open the front door. It was raining. He grabbed a golf umbrella, big enough for the both of them to fit under, and shoved James out of the cottage, locking the door behind them both.

James put his arm around Thomas’ shoulders as Thomas wrapped an arm around James’ waist, and they hurried through the wet streets together. “Patrick is going to kill us. And I don’t blame him.”

“It was an accident, James. My alarm didn’t go off because my phone had no battery. We’ll just get him something sweet from the café, that will sort it out. And offer to cover a weekend or two for him. He won’t stay mad forever.”

“I cannot believe that you don’t have a separate alarm clock to your phone. If I’m going to be staying at yours on a regular basis, I’ll have to get you one,” James huffed. He was clearly deeply uncomfortable with the sheer amount of his lateness.

Thomas laughed. “Oh, it’s ‘if’ you’re staying at mine, is it? As if you want to go back to sleeping alone now that you’ve slept with me! And I know that you prefer my cottage to your house, James. Aesthetically it’s much nicer, and it’s much closer to work and far more convenient.”

“It would be if we weren’t late!” James grimaced.

“Would you like to stay again tonight?” Thomas asked, trying to distract him.

“Yes please,” James turned to look at him, smiling through his discomfort. “I’ll have to go home first and grab some bits though, if that’s ok?”

“Of course. You have cricket tomorrow. You’ll need your kit.” Thomas stopped walking. They had reached Mary’s Café. He stepped closer to James, running a finger down his chest. “Maybe we could break your bed in while we’re there?”

James lunged forward, pulling him into his arms and kissing him. Thomas kissed him back, collapsing the umbrella and throwing his arms around James’ neck. James crowded Thomas backwards towards the café door, opening it to get them out of the rain. They stumbled through together, their mouths not separating, holding each other tight.

“Excuse me! Gets your tongues out of each other’s throats! You’ll put peoples off their foods!” Mary chastised them. They pulled apart with an audible pop which made Thomas giggle and James cringe. Thomas, still held fast in James’ arms, looked around. It was like a mirror image of the previous day, except that Kitty was also behind the counter with Mary. All seven of their friends were in the café. They did not look impressed.

Thomas and James instantly let go of each other, shuffling around like naughty schoolboys. “Sorry, Pat,” they said in unison.

Pat just looked relieved. “You’re both ok. Bloody 'ell. We were worried that you were dead in a ditch!” His accent was thick, betraying how worried and upset he really was.

Kitty was less forgiving. “Thomas, I called you so many times,” she hissed. “Why didn’t you pick up? Your location tracker wasn’t working. I’ve been out of my mind with worry!”

Thomas flinched. “Sorry, Kits. I’ve been a bit… ah, busy. I didn’t realise my phone was dead. Both of our phones, actually.”

Julian’s ears instantly pricked up and his eyes narrowed. “Hang on a minute… you’ve been busy, together. Both of your phones were dead. Your faces are glued together again. Thomas has visible hickeys on his neck. You both have an aura of satisfaction around you. You’ve had sex! Pat, they’re late to work because they’ve been getting down and dirty all morning!”

Kitty let out a small scream. “Oh my GOD, please tell me that that’s true!”

Thomas glanced up at James, who shrugged. “Um, it’s not not true…” he started.

Kitty screamed again. “How many times?”

“Kitty!” Fanny and James protested at the same time.

“I’ll text you,” Thomas mouthed at her, and held up four fingers. James, seeing this, huffed and rolled his eyes, but there was no real annoyance to it. Kitty squealed and clasped her hands together, jumping up and down with joy.

“You together now?” Robin asked.

“Properly, this time?” Humphrey added. Both of them studiously ignored Thomas’ revelation.

“Yes, we’re together. You know that we’re in love, you’ve always known. We know that we’ve been idiots for the last couple of months, but we got there in the end,” James confirmed, pulling Thomas towards him again. Thomas rested his head on James’ shoulder.

“The last couple of months?” Pat was incredulous. “Are you kidding me? You’ve been idiots for the last five years!”

“Yeah, thanks for that by the way, Pat! I know that you only gave me a job to try to set me up with James. I can’t believe I thought that you just wanted to be my friend!” Thomas smiled to let him know that it was in good jest.

“He’s a bad friend, a worse boss, and a terrible matchmaker,” James laughed, squeezing Thomas tight.

Pat spluttered. “Right. That’s it! I’ve had enough of the both of you! Get to work. Before I fire you both. And if I even catch a hint of you screwing in the stockroom, I swear to god, I will report you both for public indecency myself!”

“As well you should, Patrick!” Fanny said, but the laughter in her eyes gave her away.

As they got ready to leave the café, James stopped, removed a single red rose from his bag, and held it out to Thomas. “This is for you, my love. I meant to give it to you yesterday. Because I had always planned to tell you how I feel. I had always planned to make you mine.”

Thomas took it, his eyes wide and his bottom lip trembling. He threw himself back into James’ arms and pushed his tongue into James’ mouth, moaning softly. James kissed him back enthusiastically. Mary shooed them out of the café and back into the street, and Kitty passed three coffees for them to Pat.

Julian snorted. “I don’t hold out much hope for your stockroom, Pat!”

“Yeah, thanks Jules.”

***

Thursday 27 June

Anthony was not at cricket practice. James was glad of that. It saved him from any awkwardness. By the time they finished and he and Humphrey could leave for movie night, James was chomping at the bit to get back to Thomas. Humphrey laughed his head off at his eagerness. “What do you think will have happened in the two hours that you’ve been apart? That he’ll have forgotten what you look like?” James ignored him.

James leapt out of Humphrey's car when they arrived, just as Thomas threw open the front door of Button House and sprinted across the gravel driveway towards him. He jumped into James’ arms, his legs around his waist, his arms around his neck, and kissed him fiercely. “I missed you,” he murmured against James’ lips.

“I missed you too. Have you got your car keys? I’ll chuck my cricket stuff straight in your car as I’m at yours again tonight.”

“Mm-hmm, they’re in my back pocket.” James fished them out, supporting Thomas’ weight one-handed.

“It’s lovely that you feel comfortable enough to just molest each other around us constantly,” Humphrey muttered sardonically. Thomas stuck his tongue out at him.

“Make up your mind, Humph. You’re mad at us for being apart, or you’re mad at us for being together. You can’t be both.” James grabbed his cricket bag and threw it into Thomas’ car, still holding Thomas aloft.

“I’m not mad at you, James. I love you together. I’m so glad that you’re happy, and that you make each other feel the way that you do. I’m just looking forward to the day that you both calm down a bit. Already.” Humphrey locked his car and dropped the keys into the pocket of his dungarees.

Thomas scoffed. “Yeah, right, that’s gonna happen. I’ll tell you what, Humph, the day I can keep my hands off of my sexy silver fox is the day that I’ve gone blind. When that happens, I expect you to take me straight to the hospital.”

Humphrey rolled his eyes and went inside.

“I think it’s sweet,” Kitty called from the doorway, where she was leaning up against it, her arms crossed and a grin on her face. “Besides, this is toned down from your private activities, from what I hear.”

James fixed Thomas with a look. He had the decency to blush, at least. “She’s my best friend, James! You weren’t here, and she asked for details.”

“She wasn’t the only ones who heards them either!” Mary smirked, arriving to usher them inside.

James fixed Thomas with another look as he carried him to the front door. “Oh baby, I’m sorry. I’ll make it up to you…”

***

Friday 28 June

On Friday night, Thomas was having a girls night. Which basically meant that Kitty, Fanny, Mary and Alison were coming over so that they could help Fanny make the decorations for the Midsummer Party that was taking place on Saturday. It had been Midsummer’s Day on Monday, and they always had the party the following weekend. James was asked to go back to his for the evening, with Thomas promising that he would let him know when they were done and that they could then discuss at that point if Thomas was going to join James at his house or if they should just have a night apart, depending on the time. James had sulked so much that Thomas had quickly relented. Thomas found that James could be incredibly persuasive, when he wanted to be. James swore that he would stay upstairs with a book.

James broke that promise within half an hour. “I’m just making tea, love. Does anyone else want one?” James made a round of hot beverages and then disappeared back upstairs with his mug.

20 minutes later. “Tom, I have to wash up my mug. Oh don’t worry, ladies! I’ll collect the dirties now. Can I get anyone anything else?” He opened the wine and passed around glasses before retreating back upstairs with a glass of red wine.

10 minutes later. “I’m sorry, sweetheart, I got hungry. I didn’t take any snacks upstairs. If I make nachos, does anyone else want some?”

Thomas shut him in the kitchen, fond exasperation clearly written all over his face. “Oh, wow, he is obsessed with you!” Alison laughed. Outside of their group, Alison, Mike and Obi were the only ones who knew the truth about Thomas and James’ relationship. Mainly because Alison and Obi had been listening to Pat complaining about how stupid they were both being for weeks.

“He really is, Tommy! Absolutely whipped!” Kitty squealed. Mary made a whipping sound and giggled.

Fanny sighed. “If he will keep insisting on coming in, the least he could do is help!”

As if on cue, the doorbell went and James barrelled past Thomas to get it. “Patrick!”

Pat greeted them both with a cheerful smile. “Thomas, why is your bannister broken?” he asked, his curiosity peaked. Thomas heard Kitty erupt into a fit of giggles. James sighed, blushed and rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. Thomas grinned and raised an eyebrow. “Right! Say no more! I’ll chalk it up to something I don’t need to know!”

Pat moved off to join the others, and James gave Thomas a hurt look. “Baby, I didn’t know that Pat was helping!”

Thomas rolled his eyes. “I did tell you, love. Pat said that once he had dropped Daley off with Carol and Morris, he was going to try to swing by.”

James stepped closer. “Then it’s not girls night, is it? If Pat gets to help, I don’t see why I can’t.”

“Alright, you lunatic. You can come in. But you will need to help out or Fanny will pitch a fit.” Thomas showed him how to measure up, cut out, fold and glue the different bits of coloured card together in the way that Fanny wanted for the signs to identify the food options and the various allergens in them. Thomas was writing those, using his beautiful calligraphy. Admittedly, having James help him with the construction of the cards made the entire process much faster. Besides, he could sit on the floor at James’ feet and James could just periodically run his fingers through Thomas’ curls, or Thomas could rest his cheek on James’ thigh.

James was no less active in the kitchen now that he had been allowed to join in. He was running around getting drinks and snacks for everyone all evening. Thomas followed him into the kitchen eventually, wanting to see why he was doing it. Thomas was immediately swept off of his feet and deposited on the kitchen counter. James kissed him soundly. “Christ, I can’t wait to get you on your own later gorgeous,” he whispered, directly into Thomas’ ear, then collected a fresh bottle of wine for Fanny and left, leaving Thomas flustered and turned on.

As the evening was drawing to a close, Fanny realised that a key job had not been allocated. “Thomas, can I leave you in charge of the music, please? I’ve got the iPad here.”

“Sure, Fanny, I’ll take it with me tomorrow morning.” She looked at him blankly. “Well, James is staying here and he doesn’t have his car. I’ll have to take him to cricket practice tomorrow morning. And there’s no point going all the way there and then coming all the way back, just to go and get him again. Also, we’re picking up Humphrey and he’s going to stay the night after the party. And yes, Kitty, you can stay too if you want.” He reached over and squeezed her hand, knowing that if Humphrey was staying, Kitty would want to be included.

“I’ll come to cricket with you, then! We can do the playlist together! Oh, it will be so much fun!” Kitty was ecstatic.

After everyone had left, James caught Thomas’ hand as he was tidying up. “Two houseguests in one night? Are you sure that that’s a good idea?”

Thomas winked. “You’ll just have to gag me, darling. Or you can make up for it now?” James didn’t even hesitate.

***

Saturday 29 June

Humphrey instantly visibly relaxed when he saw Kitty in the car with them as James and Thomas arrived to pick him up. “Kitty, I’m so glad to see you! They’ll have to behave a bit better with two of us around.”

“That’s what you think!” Thomas said, tartly. “Kitty’s far less squeamish than you, Humph.”

“Ooo you haven’t told me about last night yet, Tom!” she leaned forward to stick her face next to his as he put the car into gear and pulled away.

“There’s nothing to tell!” James cut in, gently pushing her backwards so that Thomas could use his mirrors.

“You didn’t have sex after we left?” she asked, confused. Thomas laughed. “Well then, there’s something to tell!”

“Tom, you don’t have to tell her everything you know,” James grumped. “Maybe I should withhold it for a while, until you can learn some discretion.”

All three of the other people in Thomas’ Fiat 500 laughed. “Yeah, right!” they all cried together. James knew that he should be embarrassed by his friends’ knowledge of his enthusiasm for being intimate with Thomas. He just couldn’t quite bring himself to care.

When they got to the cricket ground, James watched Thomas and Kitty head to the stands. “I can confirm Humph, I am checking out his arse as he walks away.” Humphrey laughed at the memory of their conversation. It felt as if it had been years ago, but it had in reality been no more than a few weeks. So much had changed since then. James felt like a different person. They headed into the changing rooms together, where Anthony was waiting.

“Hi, James! Good morning, Humphrey!” Humphrey instantly dived into the fray, keeping Anthony engaged in conversation so that James didn’t have to say anything. James was changed in record time and he sprinted back out of the building towards the stands.

“Anthony is here,” he warned Thomas.

Thomas blinked up at him, using his hand to shield his eyes from the sun and from the light reflecting off of James’ cricket whites, clearly forgetting about the aviators perched on his head. “So?”

“Well, I just thought that you should know. In case it’s weird seeing him.”

“James, you chose me. I’m not jealous of Anthony, not any more. You’ve been in my bed for the past four nights and you’ve spent practically every minute of the last five days with me. I know that I’m not in competition with Anthony. I’ve already won.” This was said with no small amount of smugness.

“There was never any competition,” James reassured him. “But those things that he said…” They had told each other every detail of their disastrous dates. James still winced at some of the things that had been said by Anthony and Isabelle in their bids to worm their way into James and Thomas’ respective affections.

“Oh, please. I am high maintenance,” Thomas stood up, looping his arms around James’ neck. “But you like maintaining me.” James made a noise of agreement and kissed him, placing his hands on his lower back and pressing him close.

“Congratulations,” Anthony said from over James’ shoulder, making them jump.

Thomas narrowed his eyes. James knew that he was trying to figure out if Anthony had an ulterior motive. Thomas might have moved past his jealousy (which remained to be seen, in James’ opinion), but it didn’t mean that he wanted to be actively undermined or to have James tirelessly pursued. Thomas was saved from an immediate response by his phone going off. James was saved from a response by listening to the one side of Thomas’ conversation that he could hear. “Hey, Fan. Yeah, I’m doing it now. Yes, Kitty is here. I will absolutely monitor her choices, you can count on me. Sure can! Oh, wait, I’ll ask. Darling, do you think that you and Humph would be able to pop to Button House with Pat later to get the trestle tables? Fanny says you can take the van.” James nodded. “Yeah sure thing, Fan. Tell Pat that Kitty and I will watch Daley. It will be our pleasure. See you later! Can’t wait!” Thomas slid his phone back into his pocket. Thomas flashed a sly smile at Anthony. “Sorry about that.” He looped an arm around James’ waist, casually laying claim to him. As if it wasn’t obvious that they were together. James draped his arm over Thomas’ shoulders. “Thanks for your warm wishes, Anthony. We’re just the happiest that we could be.”

Anthony went red, obviously realising that James had told Thomas about their conversation. Anthony was saved from a response by Maddocks approaching to tell James that the team was ready to start. James kissed Thomas’ temple and hurried off to start the session.

Throughout, James glanced at Thomas and Kitty periodically, smiling at the sight of their heads bent together as they debated which songs to add, carefully curating a party playlist. After one particularly long stare as Thomas ran a hand through his curls, the sunlight glinting on the strands of bronze in his hair, Humphrey smacked him playfully with his bat, grinning at his infatuation. “Head in the game, Cap. Head in the game.”

***

Thomas and Kitty were hanging up decorations in the village hall, being directed by a small child who was surprisingly vocal about how everything should look. “No, not there!”

“You do it then, smartie pants!” Thomas scooped him up, chucking Daley up onto his shoulders. He expected Daley to squeal with laughter at that, but apparently bunting was no laughing matter. Daley solemnly reached up to adjust the bunting that Kitty had just hung up.

“Sorry, but how is that any different?” she asked him.

“Auntie Kitty, you could have seen that it was wonky from space!”

She grinned at Thomas. “I think we need to tell Pat that Daley is spending too much time with Aunt Fanny.”

“No! I learnt that from Uncle James! Bunting should be hung in lovely long loops like waves across the space.” Thomas roared with laughter. Daley had said it as if it was a direct quote, and it was so James, it was painful. He was the same with fairy lights. And no one should ever get him started on flower arrangements.

As if on cue, James, Pat and Humphrey entered the hall, dragging the trestle tables in with them. James left Pat and Humphrey to set them up with Robin and Mary. “Hello, gorgeous. The bunting looks good!” Thomas giggled. “What’s so funny, sweetheart?” James leaned in and kissed Thomas quickly, Daley’s presence on Thomas’ shoulders meaning that he didn’t linger.

“Nothing, darling,” Thomas told him, touching his cheek gently.

“Uncle James?” Daley looked down at him, his hands on Thomas’ head to keep his balance as he craned forward. “Do you love Uncle Thomas now?”

“Yes I do, Daley. Very much so,” James told him. “You were clever enough to see it when I didn’t.”

“No, Dad told me. I asked him why you and Uncle Thomas are always fighting, and he said that that it’s because you’re going to get married one day.” James whipped his head around and looked at Pat sharply. Thomas remembered Avery saying a similar thing a matter of moments before he had realised that he was in love with James, and he blushed. The thought of being married to James was just so overwhelmingly right, but it was far too soon to think about it.

“Is that so?” Thomas murmured. Daley asked to get down, so Thomas lifted him off and onto the floor. Daley ran off, racing to help Julian and Fanny set up some of the food, presumably so that he could sneakily eat some of it without them noticing. Thomas didn’t have the heart to tell him that Fanny always noticed, she just let him get away with it. “It’s nice that Pat knows everything before we do,” Thomas quipped to James.

“Marriage? Gosh, I… well, I never even thought about it…” James mumbled back. Thomas smiled gently at him, about to reassure him that he was not looking for a proposal after two months of fake dating and five days of a real relationship, when he was interrupted.

“Tom!” Avery burst through the doors of the village hall and ran towards him, giving him and James a hug in greeting. Chris appeared over her shoulder, a sheepish expression on his face.

“Chris, are you kidding me? Please tell me that Mum didn’t send you here to check on me?” James wrapped his arm around Thomas’ waist, wordlessly recognising his irritation and trying to provide him with some grounding before he lost his temper.

“Sorry, mate. Both Mum and Amy bullied me. Consider yourself checked. We’ll stay for the dance though, it seems like it could be cool. Do you guys put this amount of effort in every time?” He glanced around the room at their preparations.

Thomas knew that their village events were legendary. People from the neighbouring villages often travelled to join in with the fun. “Yes, we do. Fanny’s very dedicated to making each event special. She’s the pride of the village!” Thomas told his brother. He heard Fanny tut. “Fanny stop it, I’m not being facetious!” Thomas introduced Chris and Avery to his friends, excepting James (who they obviously already knew) and Kitty (who they had met before as Thomas’ standard plus one to all family events pre-James).

“It’s good to see you again, James,” Avery said. “We really are very sorry for coming down here like this, but you stopped answering the phone Tom, and then your Mum heard that there was trouble in paradise. She was very concerned about you. We’re glad to see that the reports have been exaggerated.”

James’ arm tightened around Thomas, and his expression went a bit pinched. “Well, there was a… blip, shall we say?” Thomas told them. “But it’s all resolved now.”

Chris and Avery exchanged a surprised look. “Are you sure?” Chris asked.

“Yes! It won’t surprise you to know that I was being a twat. But we’ve moved past it, and we’re better than ever now!” Thomas saw James open his mouth to protest, and stepped on his foot. James closed his mouth. Avery and Chris moved away to help bring in the supplies of soft drinks following a barked command from Fanny for everyone to stop standing around because they were running out of time. Thomas turned to James. “Chris would never believe that anything was your fault when I am around to blame. Besides, I don’t mind being the one to blame. I want my family to like you because I plan on keeping you. Forever.”

“Tom…” James started. Thomas interrupted him with a kiss, and James melted into it.

“Thomas, James, please! There is still so much to do! You are wasting valuable time,” Fanny’s shrill voice cut across the room. Laughing, they broke apart. Fanny rolled her eyes, exasperated. “The drinks from the van, off you go!”

Thomas smacked James’ arse. “Race you!” he cried, before taking off at a sprint. James had overtaken him by the time he reached the door to the village hall. Thomas stretched out a leg and tripped him, not enough for James to fall but enough to slow him down, as Thomas raced past and roared with laughter. Thomas reached Fanny’s van before James.

“You little shit,” James grabbed him and pinned him up against the van. “I’ll have to punish you now.” A thrill ran down Thomas’ spine as he was yanked into the air by James. James kissed him, pushing his tongue into Thomas’ mouth, as Thomas wrapped his arms around James’ neck and his legs around his waist. James deepened the kiss before pulling away and nibbling down Thomas’ neck. Thomas squeezed his eyes shut and moaned.

“Oh!” came a voice from behind James. Thomas groaned, the interruption coming just as it was starting to get interesting. He opened his eyes, looking over James’ shoulder. It was Isabelle. James put Thomas down but didn’t let go of him. “You’re back together then?”

“Yes we are,” James said, possessively tightening his grip on Thomas. “Turns out we’re too co-dependent to survive without each other.” Isabelle flushed a deep scarlet and opened her mouth to respond. She was saved from doing so by Chris, Avery, Pat, Humphrey and Kitty arriving to get more stock out of the van. Their friends exchanged looks with each other at the irritated expression on Isabelle’s face. Chris and Avery immediately clocked the uncomfortableness and also exchanged a knowing look. James and Thomas silently turned away from Isabelle to help their friends out.

It turned out that Isabelle had arrived to assist with the set up. Anthony followed not long behind her. The others thought that these were belated attempts to impress Thomas and James. Both Thomas and James could not care less. They could not be more wrapped up in their own world if they tried. But it did mean that both Isabelle and Anthony were present when Fanny gave her usual speech. “Robin, don’t spike the punch until after 10pm. Obi, no inappropriate music until after 10pm. Julian, no hitting on the single mums. At any point.” She sighed. “And a new one for you! James and Thomas, try to stay on the right side of public decency!”

Thomas stuck his tongue out at her as their friends and Chris and Avery laughed. James tightened his arms around him. “Yes, Thomas. No flirting with anyone who isn’t me,” he whispered into Thomas’ ear.

Thomas twisted in his grasp, smiling broadly at the memory. “As if I would!” He kissed James, moaning softly when James deepened the kiss.

Fanny sprayed them with a water gun. “See, this is exactly what I’m talking about! If I have to hose you down every time, I will!” James sputtered angrily, but Thomas just threw his head back and laughed. He was too full of joy to care. James loved him, and he loved James, and he finally had everything that he had ever wanted.

***

James leaned against the wall and watched Thomas and Kitty teaching Daley the routine to ‘Saturday Night’. He had been able to hear the outrage directed at Pat for not having taught him himself from where he stood. “They’re going to make Obi play it again,” James commented to Humphrey, who was leaning next to him.

Humphrey laughed. “Without a doubt!” Sure enough, as the dying strains of the song sounded out, Kitty ran over to Obi, engaged in a very frantic discussion, and sprinted back over to Thomas and Daley. James sighed and heaved himself off of the wall. “Where are you going?” Humphrey asked him.

“I’m joining them. They’ll want it a third time and I don’t want to be blamed for stopping it. If I join in, then they’ll know that it wasn’t me.”

“That is an exceptionally good point. I think I’ll join you,” Humphrey told James, following him into the fray. Kitty and Thomas did get away with ‘Saturday Night’ a third time, but Obi drew the line at four. He played them ‘Macarena’ as a consolation prize.

After that, it sounded to James as if Thomas had just put all of the electronica songs that he knew and loved on the party playlist. He laughed fondly at Kitty and Thomas’ excited squeals when ‘Sandstorm’ blared from the speakers, yelled out the lyrics to ‘Everytime We Touch’ alongside them, and danced with all of his friends to ‘Bonkers’, it being a particular favourite of Julian’s. Fanny was not impressed that it had made it past the pre-10pm checks, but danced with them anyway.

Chris and Avery came to join them, their friends including Thomas’ brother and sister-in-law into their circle without question. At the end of the song, Chris tagged along with James to get drinks for the group.

“Mate, are you sure that everything is sorted?” Chris asked, looking embarrassed for doing so. James raised an eyebrow at him. “Look, it’s just… I love my brother. A lot. Like a crazy amount. But he’s not the easiest person in the world to live with, and I just want to make sure that you know what you’re getting yourself into. Because I don’t want to see him get hurt, especially not by you. I’ve never seen him this mad about anyone before. He really loves you, you know?”

James turned to look at Thomas, watching him spin Avery under his arm as they danced together. He smiled, fully aware that his heart was in his eyes as he did so. “And I love him. We’ve been friends for five years, you know. And when I say friends, I mean that we were crazily in love with each other the entire time and we didn’t know. We were part of the same friendship group, but we only spent time together reluctantly. We just couldn’t see eye to eye, and we fought like cats and dogs. It was all fuelled by our complete inability to accept our feelings towards each other even to ourselves. Yet we were completely unwilling to accept each other’s presence in our lives as only a friend. I have seen every single negative aspect of Thomas’ character. I know him better than anyone,” James turned back to Chris. “I don’t like him despite his negative qualities. I love him because of them. Tom is impetuous, and dramatic, and sensitive. But that allows him to be confident, and passionate, and empathetic. He is the best thing that has ever happened to me, and I will strive every single day to be worthy of him. For the rest of my life.”

Chris’ eyes shone and he blinked rapidly. “Good. I really didn’t want to have to give you the shovel talk.”

James laughed. “Bally hell! Trust me when I say that I’ve already had seven different versions of it, ranging from Katherine’s soft and heartfelt plea to Patrick’s threat of unemployment to Robin’s genuinely scary ‘I know how to dismember bodies’ chat. Even my own best friend threatened me. Plus your sister gave me a short and slightly intoxicated version of it at her wedding, when she threatened me with her husband’s karate skills. And it’s all completely unnecessary. I have absolutely no intention of hurting Thomas.”

Chris frowned. “Which one is Robin again?” James pointed. “Oh Jesus Christ, I’d believe that he did know how to dismember bodies and all!” Chris laughed. “I’m glad to hear that your friends and Amy have beaten me to it, to be honest. I’m no good at this stuff.”

James laughed, grabbing a bunch of cans of soft drinks and dropping them into Chris’ waiting hands. James grabbed some more and began to head back to the group. He saw Isabelle eyeing up Chris with interest and nudged him along faster. “Don’t go near that one,” he murmured. “You look like Thomas, but you have a better paying job. She would be very keen to get to know you.” Chris hurried back to Avery.

James and Chris shared out the drinks that they had snagged. James shared a can with Thomas. Thomas looped his arms around James’ neck and James wrapped his arms around Thomas’ waist as a slower song came on, and they swayed together. It was a Taylor Swift song, ‘Lover’, which seemed appropriate as Thomas was wearing his Taylor Swift t-shirt.

Out of the corner of his eye, James saw Maddocks tentatively ask Anthony to dance, and saw Francis dancing with Isabelle. James wished them luck. He did feel really bad that Anthony and Isabelle had been caught up in the middle of the chaos that he and Thomas had created. He hadn’t wanted either of them to be hurt in the process. He looked at Thomas and saw the same feeling reflected in his eyes.

“It’s you and me, baby. We found each other,” he whispered, pulling Thomas closer.

“Forever and always,” Thomas whispered back, before pressing his lips to James’. Fanny instantly got them with the water gun. “Where have you even been keeping that?” Thomas yelled, laughing.

The song changed again, another faster song with an electric beat. “Tommy, this song is so you!” Kitty squealed, squeezing his arm and dancing wildly with Mary, Daley and Pat. Thomas laughed, carefree and beautiful, grabbing James’ hands and bouncing around to the beat. James vaguely recognised the song from Thomas’ playlist, and listened to the lyrics. ‘And love is all that I need / And I found it there in your heart.’

James had found it. The other half of his soul. Right where it had been, directly in front of him, for the last five years. James grabbed Thomas and pulled him into his arms, Fanny’s water gun be damned. He kissed Thomas, licking into his mouth, pouring every inch of his feelings into a searing kiss. Thomas clung to him, kissing him back, just as passionately. James would never let him go again. This was only the start of their story.

‘We’re in Heaven’ indeed…

FIN