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Jannik's red curls were damp against his skin, his shirt clinging to his sweat-drenched body. The moonlight peeked through the clouds, casting a glistening white light across Jannik’s face. The sound of his phone buzzing filled his ears, but he ignored it as he sat down against the bench, towel in hand.
He was the only one on the practice courts right now. It wasn’t that late, the sun still peeking out as it slipped below the horizon. The lights illuminated the courts perfectly, leaving no court dark. Being the only player practicing had always made him feel good, reassuring him that he was indeed world number one for a reason.
But this practice session had been far from good. The rhythm of his strokes had betrayed him tonight, every ball he hit sent his mind back to Carlos. His body wanted discipline, but his mind kept replaying the weight of Carlos in his arms. He always tried to drown himself in work, ignore his feelings, and maintain his calm composure, but it wasn’t working well right now.
Being that vulnerable disgusted him. The feeling of regret seeped throughout his body, even though he knew he had somewhat wanted it. He laid back farther against the bench, pulling his phone out of his bag, giving into the temptation. He knew who it was. Turning on his phone, four notifications lined up, all from the same person.
Carlos: janni
Carlos: i think im drunk
Carlos: but i need you
Carlos: please
Jannik sighed, his hand trembling as he tossed his phone against the bench. His phone made a loud thud, cutting through the quiet of the night. He pressed the towel to his face, groaning. Reading those messages made his chest tighten. He wiped off all the dripping sweat, until his face felt raw and dry.
Simone and Darren were somewhere on the other side of the court, talking about tactics, but here he was, staring helplessly at Carlos’ texts. He wondered if he should even respond, if he should mark it as read. Anxiety rushed throughout his veins as Darren started approaching him, walking steadily with a minor smile appearing across his face. He hoped he hadn’t made his frustration noticeable to Darren or Simone. He couldn’t have his facade crushed in front of them.
“One more set and you gotta get back to your room,” Darren said, gesturing to the baseline. Relief flooded through his chest as he realized that no one noticed. Jannik nodded, putting his phone back in the pocket of his bag, zipping it shut. Not thinking twice, Jannik got up, sprinted back to the baseline for another round of backhands, trying to distract himself from his lingering thoughts.
~
As they finished up, Jannik walked ahead and pulled out his phone once more. Darren and Simone were right behind him, further discussing his match that was less than twenty four hours away.
Jannik immediately checked his messages, two new lighting up notifications from Carlos, only fifteen minutes later.
Carlos: my room number is 491
Carlos: whenever u can cariño
Jannik rubbed his temples at the sight. He knew he loved Carlos, but this was all too much for him. He was supposed to be focusing on tennis right now, on his fourth round match. But here he was, about to drive all the way to Carlos’ hotel. He knew he would surrender into the pull, no matter how badly he wanted to ignore and avoid it.
“Hey, make sure you get some sleep, alright? Be relaxed, tomorrow is gonna go smoothly,” Simone stated, putting emphasis on his last word, like he wanted to reiterate it in Jannik's head.
Jannik knew he could win, not much of a doubt in his mind. He always made sure he was giving his one hundred percent effort, always focused on the one main goal; to win. But, the only thing he couldn’t control about tomorrow is whether or not his mind would be in the right place, considering the fact Carlos had been taking up the majority of his headspace recently.
Jannik just nodded, exchanging a quick smile with both his coaches before they left the training site, with Jannik’s driver.
He ran into the locker room, getting into the shower quickly, trying to freshen himself up. Making sure to take his time, he washed his hair thoughtfully, massaging the shampoo and conditioner into his scalp.
As soon as he got out of the shower, he changed into his off-court kit, taking his time as he put his dirty clothes into another bag. He threw everything into his bag and duffel, putting them both on his aching shoulders. He pulled his phone out again, making sure Carlos hadn’t texted him again. He hadn’t.
Tossing his bag and duffel into the backseat, he hopped in the driver's seat of his rental car. He decided he didn’t want to give any of the other drivers that much of a hassle, driving him back to “his” room.
Jannik had always found peace in driving. It calmed him, made him forget about the nerves that were always forming in his chest before matches. But right now, these nerves weren’t from his upcoming match, they were from someone who was far more powerful to Jannik than that.
The radio hummed with quick, unfamiliar lyrics that Jannik couldn’t keep up with. The voices overlapped, too fast, almost too much. Just like Carlos, who moved too fast, changed the rhythm too quickly, impossible to pin down. He got to every shot Jannik hit, pushing him to the next level every single time.
At a red light, Jannik looked out the window to see the rain that had just started to fall on New York. Just in time, right after his practice session. He never zoned out, always alert and looking for his opponents’ weaknesses. But right now, he couldn’t help himself, until the car behind him laid on the horn, making Jannik gas it.
Jannik knew he shouldn’t go and see him right now, especially since he practically knew that he was going to see him in the final, and knew they always had to compete. He kept second guessing himself, making him frustrated. Indecisiveness is a weakness.
If Simone and Darren found out Jannik was sure he would die. But Jannik couldn’t resist him, no matter how hard he tried. Every single time Jannik tried to push him away, Carlos just came and pulled him in deeper.
Jannik gripped the steering wheel tighter as he pulled into the parking lot of Carlos’ hotel. His hands were slick with sweat, his restlessness driving him insane as he wiped his hands off on his sweatpants. Jannik should probably just start staying here himself, with how often it feels like he's been here, at the exact hotel every year.
~
As soon as he got out of the car, he noticed he parked a little crooked, that small imperfection driving him insane despite the rush he was putting himself in. He needed to see Carlos. Needed to feel him in his arms. And that was what had disgusted him most—not Carlos, never Carlos, but himself. The part of him that craved what he was supposed to resist.
He walked into the hotel lobby, making sure there weren't many people around. The constant flash of cameras around him always stressed him out, making him dislike some of the unwanted attention. He couldn’t have anyone find out where he was right now, especially the press or even his team.
As he stepped foot in the elevator, his hand hovered over the fourth floor button for a minute. Why was he doing this? Why was he betraying his commitment to tennis, for Carlos? Why was it always for Carlos?
Pushing the thoughts back and thinking about what Carlos needed, he clicked on the button. The elevator buzzed as each floor passed, making sure he knew how quickly he would have to be knocking on Carlos’ door.
The elevator ride was too short, giving him no time to think. Before he knew it, he was walking to Carlos’ room, hands shaking.
He should feel powerful, having this much control over his rival, but instead, he felt pity, yet he didn’t show any of it on his face. Had to maintain his calm demeanor, especially in front of Carlos.
At the end of the hall, there was his room, 491. As he neared the door, he stopped, second guessing himself for the thousandth time this evening. He was supposed to be laying in bed, reviewing match play, preparing to play tomorrow.
But yet, here he was laying his first knock on Carlos’ door. The first knock was soft, then gradually got louder as he got to the third knock. He took a step back, listening carefully for footsteps on the other side of the door.
Instead, the click of the door filled Jannik's ears. Carlos must’ve already been waiting by the door. When it opened, Jannik was met with a drunken version of him. Shirt wrinkled, eye bags resting on his face, and a large smile spreading across his lips. He was a little hunched over, peeking through a small crack in the door, before he opened it completely, gesturing for Jannik to come in.
As Jannik walked in, he felt the weird tension in the room. Carlos reeked of alcohol, and it got stronger the closer he got to him. Carlos drinking mid tournament was odd, Jannik thought as he leaned against the nearby wall in Carlos’ room.
Carlos shut the door behind him, approaching Jannik quickly, seeming to have no doubt in his mind. Time froze for a second, which made Jannik panic. Jannik could see Carlos’ eyes dilate, even though they were already blown wide, probably from the alcohol.
Carlos wrapped his hands around Jannik's waist, resting his head on the other man's shoulder. Jannik’s arms wrapped around Carlos a little stiff. The dark-haired man's head turned, his lips now against Jannik’s neck. The heat in Jannik's body rose significantly as Carlos’ grasp got tighter. Jannik was sure his face was a dark shade of red.
“You came,” Carlos lightly mumbled against his neck, his voice thick with alcohol and something Jannik couldn’t quite pinpoint. Something more raw. His breath was warm, faintly smelling of liquor. “I thought you’d leave me here. But you came. You always come, Janni.”
Jannik felt Carlos’ grip around his waist loosen, becoming aware of the tears slipping down Carlos’ face onto Jannik’s neck. He stayed silent for a moment, trying to understand why Carlos may be crying.
“Why are you crying, Carlos?” Jannik asked, tracing circles against Carlos’ upper back. Carlos slouched a little more, his weight now resting completely against Jannik.
“Because I love you so much. And you came when I said I needed you, and it feels like you care.” Carlos mumbled, some words coming out of his mouth in Spanish, but Jannik understood everything.
“I love you, Carlos. Don’t you act like I don’t. You need to know I care.” Jannik said firmly, the words heavier than he intended. None of this made sense to Jannik. Why was Carlos saying this now? Jannik didn’t think he had done anything wrong recently.
Jannik pulled Carlos’ head up, smashing their lips together, despite the taste of alcohol on Carlos’ tongue. Carlos’ eyes quickly fluttered shut, his arms wrapping around Jannik’s neck. Jannik deepened the kiss, trying to express his love and care not only through words. Carlos responded well, biting down on Jannik’s lip. His hands slid up and down Jannik’s back.
Jannik pulled away, trying to slowly catch his breath, turning his head away from Carlos to hide the flush. Carlos yanked Jannik’s face back into his full view, hand holding his jaw in place, planting kisses on his neck.
~
Jannik made his way to Carlos’ bed, dragging a drunken Carlos by the hand. Jannik tried to process the things he had just done. He knew he had been a little impulsive, and that frustrated him a little, especially since his actions were always so thought out. But, he couldn’t exactly deny the fact that he was overjoyed right now.
“Janni, can you sleep over?” Carlos asked as he laid down on his bed, eyes already closing.
He had forgotten about his match tomorrow, all this distracting him from it. Jannik laid down beside Carlos, grasping his hand.
“Yeah, I don’t have to see my physio until 10.” Jannik said, his eyes drooping a little as he turned over onto his side, hugging Carlos. He had never really liked any sort of physical touch, but he knew Carlos did. And right now, he really just wanted Carlos to be happy.
“I’m excited to watch you win tomorrow.” Carlos said, his words slurring, the drunkenness appearing through his voice again.
Jannik kissed him once more, this time more softly, like Carlos was delicate and needed care. Carlos smiled through the kiss, his hands cupping Jannik's cheeks.
“I love you, Carlos.” Jannik said once again, smiling as he tried to come to terms with the fact that he was in love. It would take a while, but he knew he would understand eventually.
“Te amo mucho, Jannik.” Carlos whispered into his pillow, making Jannik’s heart unintentionally race. Blush filled his cheeks as he started to doze off, his eyes fluttering closed.
For once, loving Carlos truly made sense.