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Language:
English
Series:
Part 1 of Re-writes
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Published:
2010-01-03
Words:
535
Chapters:
1/1
Comments:
10
Kudos:
32
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2
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The Shortest Ever Re-write of FTF

Summary:

How a change of clothes could've changed the whole movie.

Sarcasm alert.

Major (?) character death is NOT Mulder or Scully.

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Work Text:

Scully hated being late but she hated looking un-kept even more, so before she went into the OPR hearing she made a quick trip to the ladies bathroom to change into the spare shirt she'd grabbed from the back of the rental car.

It was a good job she did, as when she took her shirt off she dislodged a stray bee that had somehow clung onto the fabric despite the industrial strength fans at the domes, the mad rush through the corn fields, several bathroom breaks and a five hour plane ride.

Such a brave little bee.

Sadly its secret romance-destroying mission would never be completed as it fell to the floor unnoticed when Scully dumped the now rather disgusting and corn-stained shirt into the trash can on her way out of the door. She made it to the hearing, rather late but looking a little more composed and professional.

The bee, feeling rather left out of all the excitement, got confused and ended up stinging the next person who walked into the ladies bathroom. Which, by pure coincidence, happened to be a certain treacherous Special Agent named Diana Fowley who had just that minute returned to work after having recovered annoying fast from her gunshot wound.

Shame.

After failing to convince the OPR hearing despite her new blouse, Scully went round to Mulder's apartment to tell him she was leaving the FBI as she didn't want to be assigned to some field office in Omaha or Cleveland. Mulder didn't take this very well and gave a very impassioned speech out in his hallway, which detailed exactly why Scully should stay. Scully found this speech to be very moving and began to cry. Mulder's neighbors, listening avidly through their key holes, were just glad that no-one was being shot or poisoned today.

After crying on Mulder's shoulder and ruining his favorite t-shirt, Scully made up for it by kissing his forehead and making fantasy #97 come true. Most of Mulder's fantasies were really very innocent - those videos and magazines he didn't own were just displacement activities. Having said that, fantasy #453 was pretty hot. And numbers 740-765 were actually illegal in most countries.

But Mulder figured it was best to work up to these gradually and so after a nice bout of forehead sex (fantasy #56 for Mulder, #35 for Scully, not that she'd ever admit it) he slowly leaned in to kiss her. And with no annoyingly-persistent bee to interrupt the moment, Mulder and Scully's first kiss was a resounding success and soon became very steamy, to the delight of fangirls everywhere.

Meanwhile, Fowley was infected by the alien virus, got kidnapped by a team of badly-disguised EMTs and transported to Antarctica. Sadly no-one came after her and she remained frozen in a creepy cyropod until the gestating alien in her belly took her over completely and she died a horrible, lonely and extremely painful death.

If Mulder and Scully had known about this, they may well have been a little upset as they were very kind hearted people. Luckily for them however, they were too busy having lots and lots of fantastic sex to notice, so their consciences remained clear.

The end.

Notes:

I don't really wish an isolated alien-gestation-induced death on Fowley. Honest...

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