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There it sat, unoccupied and innocuous. No one had said it was off-limits, but there was something vaguely threatening about the device. It emitted an unnatural glow and there seemed to be a strange sound coming from its general vicinity.
“I’m going to do it,” Theo announced, eyeing up the empty desk. From beside him came an incredulous scoff.
“Sure you will,” Draco intoned, raising his brow in challenge.
Theo pushed up from his own seat and strode decisively across the library, then dropped into the still-warm chair. His hands hovered hesitantly over the plastic keys as he looked around, ensuring no one was watching.
With an exaggerated groan, Draco rose from their table and silently joined Theo, not wanting to miss whatever was about to happen.
Theo leaned toward the screen, which was open to a fairly blank page that said “Google Images” with an empty box beneath it. He had watched Granger’s fingers fly across the lettered keys once before, and didn’t assume it would be difficult to emulate.
With each of his index fingers, he began to peck at the buttons, mesmerized as words formed in the once-empty space.
Draco’s eyes widened. “Theo! What are you doing?” He tried to swat Theo’s hands away.
“I’m going to find out what this ‘internet’ is all about!” Theo would not be deterred. He finished pressing the letter ‘s’ and then scanned the page for a way to initiate something to happen. “Do you think maybe this key” –he pointed at the one labeled enter– “will let us in?” he asked.
“There is no ‘us’ in this, Theo. Granger is going to Avada us both if she comes back and sees you writing lewd words on her flaptop!” Draco hissed. He considered abandoning Theo to his inevitable fate, but curiosity held him in place.
With a shrug and a devilish smirk, Theo pressed enter and practically vibrated as he awaited the fruits of his clandestine labor.
The two men crowded the space as colorful images began to populate before their eyes.
“What the fuck? Those are fucking birds! I wanted tits,” Theo whinged, gesticulating at the vibrant plumage of an assortment of small birds.
“Great job, mate. You can’t even violate Granger’s property correctly.”
“Fuck off! Oh, wait, let me try…” Theo elbowed Draco out of the way as he whispered, “b-o-o-b-i-e-s,” then hit enter once more. He sniggered, clearly delighted with himself.
“What the fuck is that?” Draco sneered, staring at the strange blue bird tiling across the screen. “Maybe it’s because it’s Granger’s. I’ve got an idea.”
Draco tapped out c-o-c-k, striking the enter key with a flourish. He shot Theo a smug look.
On the screen appeared a handsome rooster, with a luscious red comb and beady eyes. Theo snorted, suppressing a peal of laughter.
They subsequently tried: shag (bird), pecker (bird), and even knob–which somehow changed of its own volition to ‘red knobbed coot’ (also bird)–to no avail.
Theo pounded the desk with his fist, no longer caring if they were caught in the act of fiddling with Granger’s flaptop, and shouted, “IS THE INTERNET JUST BIRDS?!?”
At that moment, a voice sounded from behind them, “Can I help you?”
In his irritated state, Theo huffed, “Yeah, can you find the godsforsaken pornography on this damned machine?” as Draco nudged him insistently under the desk with his knee, trying to get his attention.
Hermione wedged an arm between the wizards and wiggled her finger across the flat pad below the keys.
“There you go,” she said, stepping back as breasts and arses and penises of all shapes and sizes lit up the page.
“Thank y–” Theo started, then froze as his eyes widened.
Hermione laughed at his terrified expression. “You had ‘safe search’ on.”