Work Text:
11:15a
“What's an All-Hands meeting? I'm picturing a bunch of people just talking with their hands all at the same time,” Aydenne asked Argos; he was always ready to shoot the shit.
“You've never been to an All-Hands meeting?” Argos rolled his eyes. “It's the most fun a corporate employee can have without taking their clothes off. Think less ‘talking with their hands,’ more ‘jazz hands with a quarterly forecast’, but infinitely more boring.”
“If you think that's bad, listen to this. Viago's got some collaboration meeting scheduled with my team around mandatory communication for All-Hands,” Lucero, Teia's new HR assistant said from the walkway behind Argos’ desk. “You should probably be there for it, Aydé. It's starting in a few minutes.”
“Coffee first,” Argos said. “You'll never make it till lunch without the help of caffeine.” He grabbed his cup and jerked his head in the direction of the break room.
“You'll never make it without help, period,” Aydenne returned, but followed Argos anyway.
Coffee and laptop in hand, Aydenne poked his head into Viago’s office. Viago, Teia, and Lucero were seated on Viago’s side of the desk, staring bleakly at his monitor like it had personally betrayed them.
“Karaoke!” Viago burst out, answering Aydenne’s quizzical look with the energy of a man who’d just discovered his calendar had been double-booked.
“…I’m going to need more to go on than that. Unless you’re inviting me to sing right now, because I can,” Aydenne quipped.
Viago stared at him. “Don’t make threats.”
“What Vi is upset about—”
“—Rightly so—”
Teia began again after giving Viago a look that could have melted any other mid-level manager.
“—What Vi feels he’s rightly upset about is the theme of this year’s All-Hands: The Remix to ANTIVA,” Teia explained.
“We took a survey earlier this year asking teams what they wanted. The top results were Remix, Karaoke, and… interpretive dance. Which we vetoed, but not before someone submitted a choreography outline titled ‘Pivot Table Tango.’”
Aydenne glanced at Viago, who wore the guilty expression of a man who had not only submitted the outline but had probably storyboarded it.
Normally, he’d poke the bear, but he’d save this particular laugh for later. He could already picture Illario roaring with laughter, trying to recreate the tango with a laptop and a swivel chair.
“We chose Remix and Karaoke and decided to combine them. This year’s All Hands will have both an in-person and virtual component, so we’ll need help managing attendees joining via Fade, and keeping the party alive in the conference room.”
“I volunteer to help keep the party going,” Aydenne said immediately, seating himself like he’d just been knighted.
“I volunteer to resign my position the night before and be rehired the next day,” Viago deadpanned.
Lucero ignored him and passed a sticky note to Aydenne. “We’ve got a keynote speaker already, Tarric Vethras, author of some of today’s top business self-development books. I’ll send you a link. You may wish to read the book beforehand, if you can stomach it.”
The sticky note read: We’ve already completed the planning but Viago insisted on a review, so just play along. Aydenne stuck it to his laptop and opened the links Luce sent through their Veil chat:
tarricvethras.thedas
The link took him to a headshot, a book cover, and ordering info. Before he could ask anything, Viago lobbed a physical copy of the book at him.
“Careful!” Teia warned.
Aydenne retrieved the book and flipped it over to read the author’s bio.
Tarric Vethras · Strategic Storyteller · Relational UX Evangelist
Tarric Vethras is a bestselling author and the creator of the Vethras Vector™, a framework for aligning quarterly goals with personal destiny. He’s consulted for Merchant 500 firms, rogue startups, and one suspiciously well-organized pirate crew. Known for his refusal to use bullet points and his belief that “every goal impacts the soul”, Tarric currently resides in Kirkwall with three pet nugs and a standing desk made of reclaimed marine planks. He has never taken himself seriously, and he has no plans to start.
“At least he’ll be entertaining, or it seems like he will,” Aydenne observed.
“Entertaining?!” Viago threw his hands into the air. “An all-hands meeting should be a time for us to come together and deep dive into the progress of our company goals. Everyone should leave with a full understanding of last year’s revenue, the company’s MOOD and work toward alignment on goals for the next year. None of which can be boiled down to entertaining,” he finished, visibly offended by the concept.
“Mood?” Aydenne looked at Teia.
She translated smoothly: “MOOD: Metrics, Objectives, Outcomes, Delivery.”
“Oh.”
Viago snarked, “Did you pay any attention at all during onboarding?”
“So…” Aydenne was a pro at ignoring Viago’s escalating histrionics when it came to his job performance. “The goal of today’s meeting is what exactly? It sounds like things are pretty well set.”
“I just needed to confirm if you wanted to handle the in-person or virtual logistics. Vi’s complaints are window dressing.” Teia stood, snapping her laptop closed with the finality of someone driving the last nail into a coffin. “Lucero, did you need anything else from Aydenne right now?”
“I’ll send an email with the details,” Luce replied.
From: Lucero Farzana <lfarz@chooseantiva>
Sent: Feb 3, 1:12 PM
To: Aydenne de Riva <aderiva@chooseantiva>
Subject: FWD: 🎤 ANTIVA All-Hands: The Remix — This Is Not a Drill
Aydé, See below for announcement. FYI.
—————-
Hey Team!
Mark your calendars and warm up your vocal cords: ANTIVA: The Remix is coming, and it’s louder, brighter, and more emotionally calibrated than ever.
After the existential breakthroughs of last year’s Hack Your Life, we knew we couldn’t go back to normal. So we didn’t. This year, we’re remixing the All-Hands experience with a full-spectrum celebration of MOOD, metrics, and musical mayhem.
Here’s what’s queued up:
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A rhythmic deep dive into ANTIVA’s MOOD (Metrics, Objectives, Outcomes, Delivery) — yes, it’s an acronym, and yes, it slaps
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Financial updates that will leave you breathless
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Planned spontaneous breakout moments where song, dance, and strategic alignment collide
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A keynote from Tarric Vethras, bestselling author of You Are the KPI: Measuring Success through Self-Leadership and From Inbox to Inner Peace: A Journey Through Corporate Mindfulness, who will remind us that productivity is a lifestyle and your inbox is a mirror
Whether you’re joining us at HQ or beaming in via Fade, this is your chance to show up, tune in, and find out how your daily brilliance fuels the remix.
ANTIVA All-Hands: The Remix 📍 HQ + Virtual via Fade 📅 [Insert Date & Time]
More details soon. Until then, consider this your official invitation to remix your mindset, reframe your metrics, and maybe—just maybe—bring a tambourine.
Let’s make it mythic.
Harmoniously,
Your ANTIVAn Leadership