Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Kai woke up to the sound of the ocean.
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To the sound of waves crashing against the wet shore.
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It lapped against his body and against the edge of a completely new world, void of Celestials and yet still somehow filled with the stench of gunpowder that could only be derived from war. Kai was familiar with war. The war was the only thing he could remember about his family now. And yet...

This was not it.

As Kai tried to recount his last memories of the war, the sting of watching his loved ones die out pinched deep in his chest. And for what? Because Celestials were different? Because they were beautiful in ways the world couldn’t describe? Like how the delicate wings the fae wore with pride sported intricate designs that could only be derived from birth, the way that Witches' veins were filled with glowing magic instead of dirty blood.

Humans had dirty blood.

Celestials were magical beings, beautiful things that were cramped in a small town called Staringblade, up until they rioted and began the war that Kai had lived in since he was a small child, the only thing he’d ever known, because the humans had banished them to a small town until Celestials had had enough and tried to put a stop to it.

Waging a war, Kai had always known.

The waves sloshed around him as if they were trying to push him away from a world that he didn’t belong in. Kai wasn’t sure he belonged in this one either. The sound of water rushing around him seemed the same and yet different.
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But the sound wasn't unusual for him, nor was the smell, having lived near the ocean and undying war all his life.
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Actually, you could say he lived above it.

Above the mess the humans made and near the stars.

Kai looked up; he could see the stars.

They were a piercing white in the dark of the night sky, like the stars you put on your ceiling when you were a kid because you thought they were cool; they were, back then.

Then later in your life, you’d look at the peeling stars and feel at home. Because this was the very place you existed without worry and judgment for years.

But Kai couldn’t touch them; he couldn’t reach his home.

He could only stare and wonder why he wasn’t up there with them. With his familiar sting of the salty sea against his nose, with his wave raging around him.

It was comforting yet completely dissociating to know he was so close to home and yet so far.
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That was his fault in a way.
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Kai opened his eyes once more to a dark sky, stars beginning to wake up and dance along the blank canvas of the universe, as if content with their sole purpose: to light the skies for humans who were consumed by the need to keep things familiar close and the different far away.

He wasn't saying magical beings like him were any better.
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They weren't.
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They really, really weren’t.

Because he could relate to the need to be near something familiar and safe, because sameness made you know what was happening next.

Kai liked knowing what was about to happen next.

But he couldn’t, because he wasn’t surrounded by the sameness of home.
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Kai took in a sharp breath, the smell of raw salt teasing at his senses as he sleepily blinked away the vertigo of looking at his home and yet not being in it with amber eyes.

Finally, the question he should’ve been asking flowed to the top of his brain.
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Where was he now?
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Kai pushed himself up to a sitting position, sand slipping under his nails, scraping at the skin underneath, creating an itch Kai hated.

It wasn’t close to the feeling he was used to. It wasn’t the same.
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His eyes flashed red.
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“Seriously?” He rasped, feeling for any sticks to pick out the annoying grains in his cuticles; completely discarding any thoughts of his banishment for the moment. Kai’s leathery wings twitch against his back in defiance.

He’d forgotten he had wings.

Kai was a demon. Demons were Celestials that could bend any element at will, they could hypnotize if they knew the person well, and they could read minds at touch. He had these black leathery wings that sparkled even when he pinned them at his back and a pair of soft, fluffy black devil horns that poked out of tufts of brown, curly hair.

Both unusual appendages were sensitive to his physical and mental feelings; they felt the pain of heartbreak, but they also could feel the biting cold of morning dew.

Demons were rare. Demons never had homes.

That was the statement that he’d been told since he was able to understand the language of the living.

It made Kai question what was really out there for him.

If his home really was a home or just a way to watch something as dangerous as him.

Kai shook his head; he ought not to think about it.
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Kai found a few pieces of bark, but none of them were sharp enough to relieve him of the uncomfortable feeling that rubbed the delicate flesh under his nails the wrong way.

You’ve got to be kidding me.
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As his eyes searched for something to help with the irritable feeling of sand scratching against his skin, his mind turned with every possible thing that could be going on in Ceraluminus.

In his home.
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He'd been banished with no words from his father other than some loopy riddle that gave no aid in figuring out why. His own father took away the safety of home.
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It hurt.
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Being banished from the only world he knew by his own father.
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The Celestial world was falling apart around them. The war between humans and the not-quite-living was reaching a climax. It seemed inevitable that humans would win, unravelling everything in the process. Humans refused to believe that beings without human heartbeats could lead their world without destroying it.
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As if humans hadn’t struggled with poverty and racism and homophobia before they came into the picture.
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In fact, the gods made Celestials to clean up the mess the humans left, but the earth dwellers made it clear they thought their broken world didn’t need fixing.
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Kai wasn’t saying all humans were blinded by pride, but he was saying that the ones who carried power were, and those people were the ones who twisted the minds of the civilians to believe the Celestials were the reason their world lived in poverty.
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Like they were fighting a great cause over something to get rid of.
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Meanwhile, the real reason was that they couldn't grasp how something they didn't understand could be equal to them, let alone higher in power.
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They didn't understand why the gods made “perfect humans” with emotions and love to be ruled by something so unusual, like Celestials didn't have humane feelings as well.
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And humans weren’t perfect.
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The Celestials weren’t either.
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But Celestial’s were the only ones who knew the gods made them that way for a purpose, while humans…
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Didn’t.
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Kai found it funny that humane was the word to describe emotions that every living being had.
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Human morals were something Kai never wished to live by.
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Still looking for a stick, he tried to find any answers for his banishment in what his father had said before it had happened.
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“History is your very best friend.”

History? What history?

All human history was the same thing on repeat, with different types of people in the mix.
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From what Kai could remember, that was in response to…
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Actually, Kai couldn’t remember a thing.
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He racked his brain for answers; for anything instead of everything like he was taught to.
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He came up scarily empty.
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The brunette stared at the grey sea as it mocked him with its cold bites at his knees, sloshing and moving with purpose that had mesmerized him before.
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Now it terrified him.

The sea continued to serve its purpose.
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It seemed so intimidating and vast now that he couldn’t remember a thing about what it was for.
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Kai knew it had a meaning other than to house sea life, but his memories went along with the tide.

The deep, dark-filled tide.
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He wasn’t even sure what his dad had really told him anymore, or if he’d really been banished, because everything he remembered began to twist and clash with each other like a sick puzzle.

His life was nothing but a sick puzzle, wasn’t it?
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The war became distant in his mind and muffled like he was being drowned under water, cold biting at raw skin.

Skin, did monsters like him even have skin? Or some weird magic replica of the thing? Kai didn’t know.

Gods, he didn’t know anything.
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Light was quickly compressing into darkness as warbled faces began to get smaller and farther away, like he was watching a cruel movie of everyone in his life begin to fall away.
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They had, hadn’t they?

They left him to gaze at the stars as they lived with them. Like he was some bystander who was watching everyone leave.

Everyone left.
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He tried to call out for somebody, anybody— no, he was screaming out for a name.
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But he couldn’t put a face to the name; he didn’t know what this name was for. What even was the face?!
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What was the name for?
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He didn’t know what the name was for.
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But the name seemed important,
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Like it would solve everything that hadn’t been right—
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What was the name again?
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He felt his lungs burn as if they’d been stuffed with wet cement, crying out for someone he didn’t know as his lungs grabbed at nothing but stinging water as the light began to turn into darkness.
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Darkness.
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Nothingness.
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That was all he could remember now.

Because darkness was all he’d ever lived in.
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Kai slumped in defeat, letting the sand scratch against his skin because it was all he could feel now.

He always knew that some day the familiarity of sand was the thing that he’d remember for all his days.

How tragic.
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The biting cold of the waves left his legs numb.
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He felt numb.
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The world was as numb as it was dark, and a void of Celestial’s.
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A void in his family.
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A void of warmth.
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Then a stick washed up onto the shore.

Perfect, safe, the same.
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Like his home before it became a house.
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Chapter Text

Kai had been walking through the cold for what felt like hours. With every step, the sand gave way beneath him, heavy and tired, as though it had carried countless of the lost before him.

His life felt like a grain of sand. At least the sand could give in for a while, sinking under the weight of everything pressing down. Kai could not.

The way the sand moved around his feet with every step he took, just to accommodate his comfort, made him realize he recognized that feeling all too well.

He didn't even remember why.

Kai didn’t remember what he did and who he did it for, but he had this sense that it was something he was used to.

Like he was used to proving himself to people, like he was used to not being able to sink.

Despite sinking already.

Kai’s wings twitched against his back, almost as if they agreed with him. He wasn’t even sure what he had claimed, only that it was true despite only having a feeling.

A truth he couldn’t remember the origin of.

But Kai had never let himself admit any truth,

He didn’t know why he kept his truths hidden and his lies out for the world to see. Maybe he feared that some things would have led to exile.

But what secrets could he have that were something he would’ve been thrown away for?

Did he have secrets he kept under his heart with a lock and chain?

What could he have hidden that was so awful he would’ve been thrown away from home? Was the reason why he was here, wandering around the grey beaches, because he let out a secret nobody approved of? He didn’t know.

He didn’t know lots of things, like his birthday, his family and anything about his home, except the gruelling war.

Kai shook his head, eyes glistening with a layer of tears.

The war was packed with dirt and blood that were stomped by so many that had long since been dead, and Kai hated it. Humans were the cause of his loss, and maybe humans were the reason why he lost his home as well.

So he tried to let his mind drift somewhere else. Tried to shift his focus to anything other than the only things Kai had to paint the picture that showed him how he ended up here.

To focus on anything except his family's blood being spilled at the hands of humans, despite not knowing why. Why had they been killed? And who had he forgotten, because what if they were the only people he had left?

Kai inhaled sharply, tanned nose and amber eyes scrunching at the action.

Okay, Kai, think of something else.

Like the beach he’d been dragging his feet on, would it have been more alive if his family had been here? If his cousins were running around and racing each other to the sea, if his mother was telling him to play with his sister, if his grandma had been magicking every stick and thorn she saw away.

Kai closed his eyes and tried to imagine.

It would’ve been a nice warm morning, not the chilling night he was walking through. The forest that lay a few feet away was filled with the singing of birds, rather than the occasional chirp of crickets, as the waves gently kissed the edge of the sand, without the threat of slamming against the surface like a sharpened blade.

Everything would be lighter. Everything would be familiar.

Kai let a sigh escape his cracked lips, walking in deafening silence as sand crunched under the aching soles of his feet, leaving footsteps in his wake.

He didn’t remember much about his family; he couldn’t remember much at all, really.

Just the faint ghost of laughter and a home before gunshots threatened to rip everything away.

Before the war, humans decided to strike, and they refused to let anything different into their space.

He wished he couldn’t remember anything really, the vision of his mother's fearful eyes as she was taken away to be kept in a dungeon threatened to bring him to tears.

The tears were already falling in hot, fat droplets down his cheeks. Kai rubbed his tongue against each tear in a desperate attempt to quench the thirst he suddenly began feeling.

His mamas’ eyes were like his once, amber and full of playful life, until they weren’t. Until they were filled with fear and the dullness of acceptance, like it was supposed to be this way.

Like she was meant to leave him, too.

Until she was just another piece of home for Kai to miss.

Kai reached up to wipe at the tears beading at the bottom of his chin, staring up at the stars above him.

He loved stars because of the home he had beside them, and yet hated them because they were the most torturous thing he had to miss; so close and yet unable to be touched.

Anything Kai wanted was unable to be touched.

His homes were always like that.

Another gust of biting cold sprinted through the empty expanse of sand, settling deep in Kai’s bones as he shivered, wings covering Kai’s body with thick leather.

His large but rather weak wings did nothing to keep away the cold from slicing at his tanned skin as they hugged his thin frame.

Yes, thin frame. Kai was surprisingly lean for a demon that ran around and fought to survive; his wings were thick but easy to get through because they were weak from years of improper care and countless bindings to his back. His wings twitched as if they were remembering how weak they had gotten cause of him.

He couldn't remember why he decided to bind them if it was such a painful process, but all he could do was hope it was for a good reason.

But Kai knew nothing he did was ever good for him.

His feet were going numb; the only thing to let him know they hadn’t frozen off was the sound of crunching sand that echoed across the empty acres of endless sand and ocean.

Not to mention the trees that lay not far away.

The trees might've held things Kai never wanted to meet, but they helped in the smallest way to block the chilling breeze that never faltered, only seeming to grow stronger with every passing second. For that, Kai was grateful.

Another gust of cold wind blew across the grey of the ocean, small droplets of water splashing against his wings, causing Kai to look down and realize how pale his skin was.

He looked almost… ghost-like.

Kai turned his arms around, looking at the almost white skin. That could not be good for his long-term health; If he were lucky, he’d survive a few days out here at best.

But really, was that luck or was that torture? Surviving without anyone to talk to, no proper water or food, not to mention the lack of proper shelter. Maybe that was suffering.

Suffering had a really argued meaning.

Kai chewed at his flaking lips, eyes darting towards the almost black ocean; grey foam frothing where it met the land.

The land he was stranded on. The land that could easily be enveloped by the thing called the ocean.

Fear curled into the depths of his belly, stomach churning in fear as his eyes trained on the sloshing waves before him.

It was so… so dark.

Such a mysterious, inky black.

Kai whimpered, slowly inching away from the depths of the ocean, wings twitching around him.

A popular demon stereotype was that they couldn’t experience fear.

Bullshit. Absolute Bullshit.

He could feel fear, and he was certainly feeling a hell of a lot of it right now. The things people make up to give themselves a justifiable reason for avoidance.

The things they make up to feel safe.

Humans were the most easily convinced people on the planet if they wanted a reason to believe what they thought was right.

Petty losers.

Pausing for a brief moment, Kai reached up to massage his temples from under the casing of his wings, groaning at the headache that began to grow evident.

Really? Was this necessary? A headache when he was hungry and alone in the middle of nowhere?

He could not catch a break.

Dragging his feet through the sand once more, Kai began to trudge across the dull desert-like plane, burying his feet under the grains every step for any excess warmth at the fear of becoming a Celestial icicle.

Kai had never felt cold before; in fact, he always felt like he had fire coursing through his veins. Like warmth was such an easily acquired thing.

Fire. Kai had a flicker of memory at the mention.

Fire was symbolic for him; that was good, but what did it mean?

His horns twitched.

Kai took a deep breath, rubbing at his bare arms. His tattered shirt, thick scarf, and extremely thin shorts did little to aid in warmth, providing only the minimal coverage most Celestials deemed acceptable. The scarf was practically a solid.

He wasn’t sure if he, himself, thought it was appropriate, though.

Kai closed his eyes, tilting his head up at the stars as he continued to walk north (or was it west?) up the beach.

The breeze was nice once you got over the numbing cold it brought. Kai was very familiar with this cold; it was all he had felt even before he woke up.

As the moon cascaded over his gentle features and long brown locks, Kai wondered how long he’d been out of it for.

How long he’d been banished for, if he’d been banished at all.

He’d woken up on a beach with little knowledge about his past; that part was obvious, but what had brought him here? Had he been banished and thrown down to the sea because Demons couldn’t swim because of the heavy material their wings are made out of? If so, what about his memories? Why couldn’t he remember them?

The ocean continued to rush beside him, providing slight comfort in the sound it brought.

Kai’s eyes fluttered open, long lashes slightly obscuring the view of the otherwise bright moon. It was beautiful, breathtakingly beautiful.

He wondered if he’d ever be close to it again.

Taking a few more steps, Kai's foot collided with something under the sand, throwing him off balance and sending him flying, his attempt at flailing his arms to keep him upright failing in the process.

As he hit the ground, Kai was met with a face full of ashy terrain, inhaling the specks of dust and small grains.

‘Oh, you've got to be kidding me,’

He pushed himself up onto his knees and coughed into the crook of his elbow, specks of wet sand flying out of his mouth. After his coughing fit, Kai grimaced, swallowing the last of the sand as a string of curses came flying out of his lips.

“F***ing walking, no wonder humans always kicked their arses when they tried to run,”

Wiping his jaw, Kai looked behind him to see what had caused his fall.

His heart jumped into his throat the moment he realized it wasn't a what, it was a who. A little Fae girl, probably no older than six, with pink, sparkly wings decorating her back, was facedown in the sand, black hair ragged and spread out over the rough terrain; she was illuminated by the eerie light of the moon, white splashing across her shiny black hair.

Oh gods.

Kai’s heart jumped in his throat, scrambling towards the little girl in frantic motions. His knees dug into the sand as he reached for the girl's waist and flipped her over, letting out a breath at the sight of the rise and fall of her chest.

Her pink lips let out small puffs of white air, round muddy cheeks and dirt-encrusted lashes, making her look like she was barely surviving. The little girl's eyes were closed, hands twitching around the stuffed bunny at her chest.

The sight of the bunny made Kai feel like he knew her. Like he knew the exact sound the flutter of her delicate wings made.

She let out a cute, squeaky snore, hugging the bunny tighter.

Kai immediately felt a pang in his chest. His instincts told him to protect her, to cradle her and keep her safe. He reached out to brush the hair out of her face before hesitating, hand stopping just over her forehead.

What was he doing?

Kai curled his fingers into a loose fist, eyes scanning for any notion she was awake. They stopped at her closed eyes, he opened his shaking palm before finally smoothing out the hair on her forehead in trembling motions.

The touch was almost tender, unlike anything Kai had used for ages. Before he knew it, tears were stinging at the edges of his eyes for a reason unbeknownst to him.

She looked so… small, wrapped in a scarf and a tattered dress with fading butterflies decorating the hem. She looked so… cold.

He felt such a connection to that girl that watching her sleep all muddy and cold, like she didn’t know where she was, scared him half to death. Her situation seemed so similar to his own that he couldn’t just leave her here to wake up and look for her mommy and daddy, who weren’t there.

What kind of Celestial would he be if he did that?

Kai gently placed one hand under her head and used the other to cradle her waist, pressing her to his chest whilst being careful around her delicate wings. She was damp, her skin was cold, and she was just a little kid with nothing but a brown scarf wrapped around her shoulders, a ripped sundress that went to her grey laced socks and a brown bunny with a pink bow around its neck.

He wrapped his hands around the little girl's smaller one and made it so her wrist was under the ribbon so she couldn’t drop it before putting up part of the scarf over her dark locks and forehead as she continued to snore quietly like it was her usual nap.

Kai desperately wished it were.

The amber-eyed boy gently placed her head onto his shoulder, making sure the delicate bone didn’t jostle, before hooking his arms under her legs while wrapping his wings around both of their cold bodies for maximum warmth and standing up with a slight wobble and fixing her head once more.

The sand where the girl lay moments before had been covered by the tide. Kai imagined what would’ve happened if he had been just the slightest later as the cold water washed over his bare feet; they would’ve been soaked and possibly fallen to the hands of the tide.

He stood in silence for a moment before turning to walk his path once more.

The connection he felt to her was confusing.

—

Kai’d gotten around ten minutes of travelling aimlessly down the beach with aching feet and a little Fae girl in his arms until he heard it.

“You’re warm,” A squeaky voice stated from under his chin, it laced with a sleepy softness that could only be derived from the euphoria of a post-nap.

He’d almost dropped her. “Holy-!” Kai loosened his grip before frantically grabbing at the little girl's body, pressing her delicate wings a little too tightly.

Mother of all Elements.

Kai barely noticed it at first. He thought that the movement in his arms was just sleep adjusting; he thought the quickened breathing and the little squeaks were just a rough patch of light sleep.

But nope, the universe decided there was a way this could get worse.

“You’re giving my wings so much hurt, person!” The fae whined, clearly awake and alert.

Oh, brother. Also– person? Was that really all he was to her?

Kai looked down to find a pair of big teal eyes gazing up at him. The little girl, who had been nestled against his neck in the crook of his arm while she slept, now pressed her tiny hands against his chest and pushed herself up with surprising force, enough to make his breasts ache. Sleepy but happy, she beamed at him, her ragged braids framing a mud-streaked face lit with the sweetest smile. It was like candy: unable to be resisted.

Kai couldn’t help but smile softly as he adjusted her body in his hold so her delicate appendages weren’t pressed against his arms, attempting to sear her image as much as he could with the help of the moonlight.

She looked familiar in the moonlight, the shadows that once plagued his face being erased like they weren’t supposed to be there.

Kai knew that she was meant to be playing at a park, not being found by a ragged sixteen-year-old on the edge of a remote beach.

At least he assumed it was remote.

She reminded Kai of a coral reef, bright and full of life.

As the winds and sea raged around them, he made sure the fae wouldn’t slip out of his arms. She seemed very keen on exploring. Or just confused about where she was.

He could relate.

Kai started to hear quiet sniffing as he fixed her scarf, small but still present as she took in shaky breaths. The fae looked up at him with wide eyes and trembling lips, like the unusual reality they were experiencing had finally kicked in.

Oh hell. Kai did not want a tantrum on his hands.

But he never got what he wanted, did he? The scared expression she wore scared the ever-loving hell out of him. Kai stopped in his tracks and gently placed the little girl down, heart jumping in his throat. He was sure he looked scared as well, and that terrified aura was not something she needed around her.

He also didn’t know what the hell to do with her.

Normally, Fae needed the earth around them to calm down. And so did little girls about to have meltdowns, which Kai, again, did not know what to do about.

Should he… give her some salt water? Was she a water Fae?

The little girl only reached up to Kai’s waist, but as he crouched down, her upset features came to eye level.

The little girl's black, ragged braids were filled with dried-up dirt, knots so huge they were visible five feet away. She was chewing at her fingers as her amber eyes began to dart around, tears quickly pooling at her water line while she scrunched her freckled nose with a sniff. The fae’s free hand tightened around the ears of her stuffed bunny.

Kai shifted in place, unsure whether he should talk or let her cry it out. His experience with kids was . . . he couldn’t remember. His head continued to throb.

Losing his memory was the worst possible outcome to ever exist.

The demon turned his attention back to the little girl, whose tears were now falling with little hiccups. Kai instinctively reached out to pull the girl in for a hug, but the girl flinched the moment he brushed her arm. A wet feeling shot up his arm, causing Kai to jerk his hand back with surprising force.

A water fae.

He looked down at his soaked arm, water bearing at the edge of his fingers before dripping onto the sand. The element immediately caused Kai’s wings to twitch and fold behind his back; he hated water. But that wasn’t the subject at point here— he was meant to calm the fae down.

How would he even do that?

This was already showing to be hard, not to mention how much it hurt his feelings by how terrified she was of him. He shouldn’t take it personally; he would've been scared, too, if a person he barely knew grabbed at him.

Despite understanding the situation she was in, it still stung. Horribly.

Kai swallowed the lump that was growing in his throat as he watched the little girl sob in the absence of her parents; he wanted to cry, too. He was confused and tired and cold and wet and completely terrified of the answers to all of his questions because nothing good ever came for weak demons like him.

He was weak.

Kai buried everything away under layers of stitched-up memories that were really just fuzzy and dimly lit itches that flickered when trigger words decided to appear.

He folded his legs under him, trying to figure out a way to distract her as the little fae’s cheeks began to get puffy. The wails were distracting him, but he couldn’t– wait, a distraction.

“Hey,” Kai called, getting the attention of the little girl. “What’s your name?”

The water fae sniffed, wiping her nose with the edge of the bunny’s muddy ear, staring him with the slightest hesitation as she contemplated the question. Kai watched as her wings fluttered behind her as if they weren’t sure whether to trust him either.

She seemed confused. “I don’t know if I— if I know,” The fae sniffed, eyes darting towards the ground. She seemed almost . . . guilty about it. But Kai knew what she meant by that; he could only hope it was his name because his memory was as thin as a stretched-out spaghetti noodle when he woke up a few hours back.

Actually, it was still as broken as before; probably even more so at this point.

He took in a deep breath before starting again. “Neither did I, but that’s really not our fault, okay?” The little girl nodded. Kai smiled before tapping the top of his forehead. “Just tell me what you think it is.”

The fae whimpered, rubbing her eyes. “I’m think– I’m think it’s Nya,” She whispered, looking up at him.

Nya.

Why was that oddly familiar?

Kai’s head throbbed with another spike in his headache, but he made sure he didn’t look it. Furrowing his eyebrows slightly to ease the pain, he feigned excitement.

“That’s such a cool name!” he exclaimed, grinning the way people do when they’re trying to convince a kid they’re happy. “I love it so much! Did you know Nya means royalty!?”

Nya brightened, smiling so bright Kai thought she’d explode with happiness. “Really?!” She asked, hope laced in her question.

“Yes, really,” Kai rubbed at his wet arms, the water seemed to be drying up on his arms in painful bursts of scalding hot water. So that was another reason why he avoided water; it burned like hell.

Nya seemed oblivious to the pain she caused him, forgetting that her parents weren’t here with her and instead being excited about the newfound meaning of her name.

It was cute, he couldn’t lie.

She giggled, giving him a big grin before running up to him and jumping into his arms. She wrapped around him like an octopus, melting onto him like he was the only safe thing around. Honestly, that bit was true.

“You’re my budder now,” She declared, dewy eyes twinkling. It took Kai a bit to realize what she said, shocked about how she didn’t seem to care that he was clearly as lost as she was.

His hands twitched over her back, biting his bottom lip. Kai didn’t know if hugging Nya would be the best idea; she was still damp. His eyebrows pinched together, eyes distant and fearful.

What was he meant to do?

He didn’t notice he’d been zoning out until Nya looked up at him with hurt in her eyes.

Her lips pulled into a frown. “Is Budder not gonna gimme hugs?” Then her voice began to waver. “Does budder not wanna be budder?”

Kai gave her a pained smile before tugging her to his chest, hands cradling her head with a practiced gentleness. He let his head rest on hers, wincing at the burn her wet hair gave him.

It was odd he hadn’t felt the sting the water gave him before; maybe it was because he was still riding on the high of waking up in the middle of nowhere; it’s the only explanation.

“I want to be your brother,” He whispered, playing with the ends of her hair.

He felt Nya’s smile against the bare of his neck; it was so sincere and sweet that Kai thought he’d cry. Good, Kai thought, this'll distract her. He wanted to distract her because he wasn’t sure if he could love her.

Because Kai couldn’t tell if love was something meant to stay, or just something meant to leave.

And Nya didn’t deserve that.

Chapter Text

“Why d’you like fire so much?” Nya asked the brunette.

Kai sat against a rock wall, chest leaning towards his knees with exhaustion while he curled his legs against his chest. He tucked his wings against his thighs, careful not to let the sensitive appendages touch the cold stone floor. Kai was watching the warmth dance in its encasement of broken oak logs in mesmerizing flicks of life.

Beautiful, just beautiful.

The flames danced in colourful snaps and twirls, the movement reflecting off of Kai’s unfocused eyes; the fire's gentle warmth brushed just slightly over its containment of torn-up logs as it flickered with each gust of wind that managed to escape through the crack under the rock that served as a door for the entrance of the cave.

Kai shivered, wings twitching under his cloak on instinct, clearly expecting to snap around his skin. He instead was met with the scratchy fabric of his coverage blocking his path.
He swallowed a whimper; Kai needed the warmth his ratty cloak provided, but the restriction was almost unbearable.

He felt utterly weak as another gust of wind crept under the rock and surrounded him, causing him to wrap his hands around his arms and rub. Kai weakly attempted to use the warmth he felt whenever he mentioned fire. It was no use.

He didn’t know what the reason could be, but Kai found that he was very vulnerable towards the cold once Nya pointed out that it was only the chill that fell over the night, and it shouldn’t have made him freeze like a popsicle while they were looking for shelter.

The popsicle bit was rather unnecessary, but he was walking in a way that made him look like his legs had frozen together. They had, he couldn’t lie.

Kai let his thoughts drift back towards the fire, body leaning in just slightly when the groggy layer of fog let up from his mind to catch the faint embers that popped with every crackle of warmth the fire provided.

The warmth was a welcome respite from the biting cold of the wind that lay outside the walls of the small cave. They had been walking for some time since the earlier conflict of finding the almost submerged water fae, and happened to stumble across this cave where the only two things that lived in it were a thin cloak that was now wrapped around Kai’s body to shield his wings and a stomped-out fire pit that had seemed of recent use. Despite the last statement looming over him like a cursed shadow, Kai’s state was far too concerning for them to ignore, causing them to set up camp in the small shelter after rolling a rock to cover the wind from the entrance.

Didn’t do much good, though, Kai grimaced, staring at the gaps that the ‘door’ at the entrance couldn’t cover. Redirecting his gaze to the charcoaled bits of wood that had floated in front of him, Kai began to think about another surefire hint that something else was living here.

He and Nya had found some of the logs for the fire in the corner against a smoothed-over rock with a moss covering. Three actually. They resembled beds too closely for Kai to brush off the thought that had been plaguing his mind since they set foot on the ashed-over grounds.

If the fire pit wasn’t a good reason for them to get out of there soon, the beds sure were.

“Kai!” Kai’s head snapped up, pupils shifting slightly higher to see Nya sitting at the opposite side of the fire with an expectant look.. She crawled over on her hands and bare knees before waving her hand in his face, before popping her head once again into view. A few feet closer than he would’ve preferred, though. “Heyyyy, budder, why aren’t you listening?”

Kai gently pressed his hands against her chest, pushing her away just slightly so he could see more than just her freckled nose before frowning in confusion. “I don’t know what you said.”

The fae huffed, wings folding to her back with an annoyed shake. “I said, Why d’you like fire so much?”

Kai stared at her, drawing up blanks with every attempt to answer her question as she continued to grow more annoyed, little nose scrunching up in the smallest nudge of potential anger.

Huh, that was a great question. A great question, he didn’t know the answer to.

The demon reached up to rub the tip of his tiny horns, scratching them lightly to see if the motion would trigger any memory at all, because he didn’t know. Kai didn’t know why he wanted to let his hand lie over the fire to keep it toasty; to touch the warmth under his palm despite knowing there was the risk of being burnt. He didn’t know why he wanted to curl up against it like a desperate puppy and nap. Preferably, sleep forever.

Kai let out a breath; it messed with him terribly.

He wanted to say he knew why with confidence; he wanted to know exactly what fire did to him. But gods, it was like he was reaching into a deck of cards and pulling out a joker, every. Single. Time.

It’s like he was the joke and the punch line all in one. All for the dealer to use.

Although he wasn’t sure who the dealer was in this case.

Kai looked the ravenette in the eye. “I don’t know.” That was really all that he could give her, and it made him feel guilty beyond words.

He felt even more guilt-stricken when he saw her reaction.

Nya’s lips were pulled into a tiny pout, eyes pointed at the floor, letting out a small whimper. She dragged her finger through the light layer of dust and ash that had gathered on the ground from the fire being used far too many times, creating random shapes and spirals.

As Kai watched her finger drag against the smooth rock, he realized how much those doodles represented the state he was in right then: confused and overwhelmed. The marks in the dirt were both.

Kai watched as she blinked back tears, the pad of her index finger becoming grey with soot. His chest ached as he watched her little body curl into itself. Soft sniffs were the only sound in the cave besides the crackling of the fire.

Kai’s hands twitched, begging to reach out; he couldn’t just sit and watch her unravel.

He stretched out his legs in front of him, listening to his joints pop before getting up and walking over to sit beside Nya, whose cheeks were already becoming streaked with greyed tears.

Kai reached for her hand; it was about half the size of his own, skin much softer and delicate compared to the scars and unexplained burn marks that littered his. He didn’t say anything, even when he saw Nya look up at him with disbelief through the corner of his eye, just offered comfort and understanding as he co-existed beside the fae.

The way her hands melted into his told him that they’d done it before.

They remembered nothing, but somehow their unconscious mind always acted on the tiniest flicker of recognition. Always made sure every spark of a feeling that lit in the back of their mind was turned into a confusing but familiar reality.

The thought was baffling in itself.

They sat like this for a good ten minutes until Nya’s quiet hiccups turned into full little kid sobs, as if she just caught up with how drastic their situation was. She squeezed her little fingers tighter around his hand, so hard he felt his hand go numb in real time. Kai didn’t know what she was doing beside him, curling up or hiding her face with her free hand, but she was shaking, and she was sobbing; that was all he needed to know before deciding now was the time he should do something.

But before he could, she decided to do it herself.

“I was wanting you to know something,” She whispered, a faint tremble in her voice. Kai looked down at the girl shaking beside him; her chubby face was tear-streaked, and she looked absolutely defeated as she curled into her knees.

She looked up at him, all her six-year-old blissfulness completely evaporated in nothing but seconds. All because he couldn’t remember.

Kai smiled sadly, shifting uncomfortably as wide eyes stared up at him. The teal in them had dulled to a swampy green, and her upturned lips were thin-lined and shaking.

Nya began to mumble. “I dunno a lot, so I was wanting you to know becuz if you knows I’d get to knows a bits too, and–”

Stop. He needed her to stop. Kai grabbed her by the forearms and pulled her into his chest, tears soaking through his thin shirt almost instantly, stinging his skin and creating a sharp burn that flamed across his skin. It wasn’t as painful as he assumed it’d be, but it did leave an uncomfortable sting that made him want to shove Nya away and itch himself all over.

He didn’t, obviously, but the choice was still laid out on the table.

Kai ran his fingers through her dark locks, catching knots every once in a while as she fisted his shirt, nails practically digging into his skin. He whispered soft asurances as she kept voicing every thought that had run through his own head since he’d woken up.

“I wanting to go home. I wanting my family. I dunno where family is– Kai is my only family,”

Nya was his only family, too. If you really thought about it, she was the only one he’d ever loved because she was the only one he remembered. Nya was the only person he knew existed and the only person that was close to family; he couldn’t love someone like family if he didn’t remember anything but a faint picture of fear in tired teal eyes.

They looked far too similar to Nya’s. Kai bit his lip, staring at the discarded stuffed bunny against the wall ahead of him. Nya had said its name once: Tiny, because he was tiny. While that wasn’t wrong, as the stuffed animal was just barely bigger than his hand, from his fingers to a bit above his wrist, but he found it that children, for as much as he knew about them from watching Nya, often go for logic instead of childhood creativity.

Maybe it was just her, but Kai noticed she was more conscious about what was going on around her in a way that was well above her years.

He took in a deep breath, reaching under the little girl's chin and gently pushing it up from where it was against his chest so she could look at him.

She hiccuped, tears still welling up at her waterline. “I dunno if I have mommy and a daddy or not.” She stated with a slight tremble in her voice.

Wait–

It occurred to Kai right then that he might not have parents at all, that all those faint memories could just be hallucinations his brain was making up to keep him safe. Which meant maybe the weird riddle he thought his father had given him could’ve been him in some half-asleep state, hallucinating.

Gods, what if he didn’t know anything at all and the war was made up? What if he made up the entire lore of the Celestials? Kai bit his lip as he realized. . .

Nya was the one who thought of that first.

Kai looked for any inclination that she wasn’t a normal six-year-old fae as she hiccuped through tears, breath hitching in his chest. How could she have realized that she might’ve been hallucinating first when she was a child who was meant to be learning how to annoy people like it was her full-time job? Kai dragged his hand down his face, letting out a soft groan.

He’d rather die at this point.

“Nya,” Kai started, “Could you tell me what you think you remember–”

A thud came from outside the cave. The two Celestials froze, the younger pressing herself closer before reaching for her stuffed animal, Tiny.

Nya let out a small whimper as she tugged Tiny to her chest, causing Kai to press the palm of his hand against her lips with surprising speed, like he had done this before. Nya looked up at him, eyes wide with fear and the slightest confusion. Kai pressed his free index finger to his lip, motioning for her to be silent before pointing to the corner of the cave hidden from the sight of the entrance.

The fae stared in the direction he’d pointed, processing what he was trying to tell her. Apparently, she could figure out multiple possibilities from a philosophy standpoint, but not understand a simple hand motion?! They were doomed.

Kai began to hear the faint sounds of footsteps along with the sound of something dragging in the sand; it was loud enough for Kai to know it was close. Crap, crap, crap.

Could the thing dragging in the sand be a pitchfork? A large piece of rock? A metal bar? Kai’s breaths began to get faster, hitching every time air went in.

Every muscle in his body was locked as he gave Nya a hurried look of urgency, eyes pleading.

She had to listen to him; Kai didn’t want another faint memory to miss. He didn’t want to lose his one chance at family.

Thankfully, she finally seemed to get it.

The fae nodded in two quick motions as Kai lifted his hand from its place over her lips. Nya began to crawl towards the cold side of the cave with her stuffed bunny in her mouth, motions frantic and clumsy as the large scarf she wore kept getting caught under her tiny knees. Kai watched as she curled up with her head pressed against her knees and her hands on her head before snapping his attention towards the door.

He slowly got up, careful not to make any sound to alarm the thing coming closer with every second. Pause, correction– things.

Voices. He could hear multiple voices now. Multiple things.

Grabbing a sharpened branch from the ground and wrapping his hands around it like a sword handle, Kai quietly made his way towards the entrance before pressing his back against the wall beside it.

Gods, what should he do?

The sounds were getting louder, and so was his heartbeat– he could practically hear it thrumming in his ears, getting faster by the second.

And he surely couldn’t fight; he tripped three times that night in the span of ten minutes. He could only hope these things had a fear of a demon holding a spiky wood thingy.

Kai shook himself to reality; he had to keep quiet and listen.

He could barely make out what they were saying, but he got the gist of it, and the things seemed
almost. . . harmless. They also talked in the language of Celestial, which made the situation far less concerning.

Or maybe it didn’t, because how did they know Celesti? Kai groaned on the inside. He should really stop with his overthinking problem.

Threaten things with a sharp stick now, fight inner demons later.

Okay, he could do that.

Kai pressed his ear against the wall; he could hear the approaching things more clearly now.

“Did you put the rock back over the door, Cole?” A voice asked; it honestly had an impressive pitch, and the crack in their voice seemed almost natural. Didn’t stop Kai from reeling back a slight bit and cringe at how high it was.

For the love of the First Spinjitsu Master.

“I didn’t, for once.” The demon caught a faint cackle-like chuckle from the voice before this Cole thing. “Also, did you have one of those Squeaky Tonics that Garmadon and Wu specifically told you not to eat?” This voice was much lower, velvety if you would. It reminded him of a lullaby.

“They’re tasty!” Thing One protested.
“They also fry your voice box for thirty minutes and annoy the shit out of Zane!”

“I have repeatedly said I do not wish to engage in your childish arguments,” A third voice said in a monotone. There was something gentle and calm laced in the slight annoyance of the tone, and it made Kai note down that it was the thing he could negotiate with if they tried to murder him and Nya.

“But you agree Jay should stop destroying his throat for gummies because it’s annoying as hell?”

The Zane thing had a playful lick in his voice now. “Yes, I do agree with this statement quite passionately.”

“Hey!” Thing One whined.

Kai snorted at the sound. He assumed this Jay thing was primarily the idiot of the group, something Kai could attempt to trick. The three seemed harmless from what Kai could tell, but with Nya trembling in the corner, he couldn’t take chances.

Speaking of which . . .

Kai turned toward where her form should have been—only to find a space where her fae body was moments before. The fire had died without his notice, leaving nothing but faint sparks flickering weakly against the cave’s shadows. His heart leapt to his throat, body chilling with the new cold.

The voices had stopped outside as well. Could they have stolen her?

He pulled up the cloak hood, hiding his demon features under the fabric. His hands tightened against the stick in his palm, sharp juts digging into the delicate skin.

He walked around in small steps, trying not to trip over anything in the dark, calling out for his only family. “Nya?” His voice echoed across the rock as he circled the cave. “Nya, where did you go?”

Pathetic, he could hear the fear in his voice, the slightest crack and tremble. What good was being a Celestial if all he felt was fear?

His footsteps echoed eerily as he walked over to where Nya was meant to be. He waved one of his hands at the space, hoping she could somehow turn invisible. But no such luck. Nothing, nada.

What had those three monsters done?

Kai swallowed, pressing his back against the wall where she had just been. His headache came back, eyes watering from the sudden pain. He couldn’t lose another person; he couldn’t lose his only real family and think it was a hallucination.

The thought made it hard to breathe. Where was air? He needed air. Kai slid down the wall, staring at the ground in front of him as he watched his breath as a white cloud in front of him.

He didn’t want to be cold; he didn’t want to be alone; he wanted Nya and her random, untrue facts; he wanted his family back. He could try to fly and to find her, but the cold made his wings hard to use, not to mention that they hadn’t dried yet. . .

Gods, what could he do?

He sat in silence for what felt like hours until he heard some movement on the other side of the cave.

Kai looked up, expecting to meet round teal eyes and maybe a stuffed bunny, but instead met with three other pairs of eyes. One gold and green, one electric blue, and one the same colour as ice.

Two of them glowed like Celestial, the other. . . did not.

The three of them said the same thing at the same time as Kai tried to back away despite already being pressed flush against the wall.

“Who are you?”

Kai wished he knew the answer to the question himself.