Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

He was running. Rain was falling around him in heavy waves. Thunder roared across the grey sky like the wail of a dying beast desperately fighting for its life. His lungs responded to each booming strike, leaving him no choice but to be left breathless. However, all of that was distant compared to the heavy splash following each of his footsteps, but it was too late for him to care about stealth. They already found him, pouring in on him from all sides.

There were sounds of clashes between metals. His left shoulder burned painfully under each blow: the consequence of catching himself on the building’s edge when he was swiftly dragged down by gravity.

He pushed the pain aside, desperate to get away from the ambush he had gotten himself caught in—and it had been an ambush. They had no doubt been waiting for him to be by himself: alone. God, he should’ve seen this coming when the Foot Ninjas were crawling in the sewers, looking for him and his family when they hadn’t before. It didn’t matter that he wasn’t trying to find trouble when he left the comfort of April’s living room. It didn’t matter that he got out this early morning just to train so he wouldn’t get rusty. They were here, and he was now paying the price for his decision.

Because the Shredder was back.

He didn’t know how he got back, and he didn’t need the direct confirmation to know that. He had just desperately been hoping that he was wrong. Hoping that, all these times, he and his brothers’ tendency to butt into others’ businesses wouldn’t backfire on them.

However, he didn’t regret helping April from the mousers. He didn’t regret exposing Baxter Stockman for his crimes to the world with the help of his family and their newly acquired human acquaintance. He didn’t regret supporting Raph from helping Casey, another human, and then later with his cousin, Angel, from dragging herself further into the world full of darkness. He didn’t regret helping the homeless people. He didn’t regret any of that. He already knew the danger that would come with helping others in general—not just his family. That notion solidified more when he met the guardian.

No, what he regretted was that he almost let the Shredder trick him into joining the Foot Clan. Then he had gone against his father’s wishes and gone with his brothers to return the ‘gift’ that Oroku Saki had given to him, knowing full well that a fight might’ve broken out.

He regretted he didn’t check whether or not the Shredder really was dead when that water tank fell onto him. And like a coward he was, he couldn’t bring himself to; he was too shaken by the notion that Sensei, their father, had just killed someone, even when that someone was the Shredder—and he hated that it was his own fault to begin with.

However, despite the guilt, he still couldn’t bring himself to check for a sign of death. He just couldn’t. Not even through the news.

So, he had tried to discourage Mikey from his attempt at his own hero debut, feeling disbelieved that his youngest brother still wanted that kind of life when he also saw what the cost could be. Instead, it had pushed Mikey to chase after that dream further and almost got crushed by the mind-controlled hero that his youngest looked up to so much in the process. April had felt so guilty back then, apologizing repeatedly until Mikey had gotten tired of it. Then he let her compromise to bring them pizza for a month when it was clear that she wouldn’t accept just the ‘you only tried to support me, so you’re good, April.’

Leo also apologized when he was patching his brother up in place of Master Splinter—the orange-masked brother having rejected the medical care from Sliver Sentry in favor of his family. He was touched and felt guilty at the show of trust even after he hadn’t been there for Mikey when he needed someone (he should thank April for that, shouldn’t he?). He explained why the way he had gone with handling Mikey’s dream wasn’t how a good leader—no, what a good big brother should do. Even with the excuse of him being paranoid about the Shredder coming back or that someone similar would take his place. Then Mikey confessed that he had been scared; he had told him that he didn’t want to see Master Splinter doing that ever again and had thought that being a hero himself might solve the problem.

It broke his heart into millions of pieces when he heard that. Mikey wasn’t supposed to think about things like this. His energetic brother should just think about his comics, having fun, messing around the lair, or beating the highest scores in the games and shouting on the top of his lungs when he did and bothering everyone about it for the whole day.

Mikey shouldn’t worry about things like this when it was Leo’s job to do that in the first place, but he had failed at that spectacularly. What kind of a leader was he?

It had been a welcoming distraction when he and his brothers decided to search the sewers for what had triggered one of the alarms from their lair after a few weeks when Mikey was healed. It was nice. Stressful but the kind of stressfulness that didn’t involve questioning one’s own choices. He could even say that it was refreshing. Just him and his brothers, pretending to be professional cave climbers, following the trail of something with the glow of the pulsing blue crystal they found as their light source. Then they found the lab. Then Sidney and her group. Then the Y’Lyntian who had gone mad from loneliness. Then the Foot flooded their sewers—

And now, he was faced with the ghost himself.

There were many things that he regretted, many things that he wished he had done differently, but he pushed those thoughts aside and focused on not leading the Foot ninjas to April’s shop, where his family was hiding. He could do that much.

At least he had thought so.

Because they already knew.

They knew where his family and friends were, and they were just toying with him. All these times, he tried not to show how exhausted he was, trying so hard to fight them off just for him to be slowly pushed towards the direction of April’s home like a hamster in a wheel. And like a fool he was, he didn’t notice until it was too late; he was too busy defending himself to even take note of where he was.

Now he was fighting them on a rooftop of the building just across from April’s.

This realization brought him enough strength to bring himself up to swipe at the elite ninjas once more. He pushed through his exhaustion, cold, and pain as he gave a cry that came deep within his lungs. He blocked, kicked, and stabbed, and hoped desperately he could at least bring one of them down. Hoping that his family somehow knew to escape somewhere safe and that his failure wouldn’t lead to the downfall of his family—

Then he was thrown against the window, and something broke inside him along with the shattering of the glass.

--xx---xxx--[1]--xxx---xx--

They were in Casey’s late grandma’s farmhouse.

It was kind of surreal how peaceful it had been. Aside from a surprise visit that almost turned nasty by Dr. Abigail, monster hunter ‘extraordinaire,’ everything was relatively quiet. He could almost let himself forget that he didn’t almost just die, his spirit didn’t shatter, and April’s house didn’t burn down, but he would just be lying to himself.

All of the events that had led them all to this point kept replaying in his mind, even after Raph had made those thoughts a bit bearable just by being there for him when he was moping in the barn. Still, he kept thinking on when or where things started to go wrong, analyzing each and every detail to see what he had missed.

When had his family’s existence been acknowledged by the Shredder? Was it the instance the Mousers showed up and destroyed their childhood home? Was it after they fought the Purple Dragons and the Foot Ninjas, not long after? Was it when they interfered with their operation when half of the city lights went out? Or was it before all of that? There were too many instances that he could pinpoint for him to be comfortable with it. Too many.

He carefully polished his newly forged katanas as he looked through the window. Mikey, Don, and Raph were making snowmen with Casey and April. The first two had already recovered from the cold from accidentally locking themselves up in a freeze chamber by Dr. Abigail’s advanced truck that was meant to capture monsters.

He wasn’t even aware that they had come close to being exposed to the world via the news if not for Don, Mikey, Casey, and April’s quick thinking. The feeling of having a foothold with Raph’s help on who he was again was smothered a bit when he found that out.

That had been way too close, and he wasn’t even there to help them. Too busy feeling miserable. Too busy reforging himself alongside the katanas. Too busy focusing on himself and his stupid broken pride to even be there as a leader. As a big brother.

That was why he had suggested what he had when they were planning on how to infiltrate the Foot headquarters later that night.

“I’ll deliver the finishing blow to the Shredder.”

That made everyone stop in their tracks.

Mikey, being one of the people who recovered first, swallowed the remaining chips in his mouth, and hesitantly asked, “Are you sure bro? That’s like—” He quickly took a glance at Master Splinter and then back at him. “—a, ah, really, really, reeeaally heavy thing to do, you know?”

He took a moment to breathe. “I know, Mikey.”

Raph, who managed to shake off his shock, asked next. “Then why the h—” A disapproving glare from Master Splinter made Raph quickly correct himself. “I mean, shell, are ya suggesting this? You know this ain’t like Mikey’s game or comics where this type of sh—stuffs happen and isn’t messed up by them.”

“Most of the time,” Mikey added.

“Most of the time,” Raph grunted.

“I’m with Raph and Mikey,” Don chimed in. “Like, I know that the Shredder has to go and all, but don’t you think that there’s a better way than to just…” He also briefly glanced at Master Splinter. “…make his spirit go away from this world?”

His brother cringed at how lame that attempt was, but he still continued, “Isn’t me and April leaking the documents—with permission from the victims, of course—from that abandoned lab and then later all of us destroying the Foot's base already enough?”

Leo crossed his arms with a frown. “Do you think a jail would stop the Shredder from getting his revenge on us again?”

“No,” came the reluctant reply.

He gave the purple-masked brother a sad smile. “Besides, we don’t know how many allies that man has, and I wouldn’t be surprised if one of them was the cops as well. We can’t risk it. He’s too dangerous for that.”

“Then why’s it haf’ta be you?” asked Casey. April looked worriedly beside him.

He mentally hardened himself as he directly faced all of them.

“Because I’m the one who’s willing to do this.” Because he didn’t want to see the hunted look in his father’s eyes again. Because he didn’t want to let his family down again. He couldn’t.

Everyone fell silent at that.

After a while with only the sound of the cracking fire filling the room, Splinter finally asked, “Are you sure, my son? This is a great burden that you will be carrying for a very long time.”

Despite the dread gnawing away at him at the idea of killing, he answered without a hint of hesitation in his voice. “Yes, sensei.”

He knew right then and there that his fate was sealed when Master Splinter closed his eyes in tired acceptance.

(Later, he made sure the Shredder wouldn’t even have the chance to come back when he directed the sharp side of his blade against living flesh for the first time in his life.)

--xx---xxx--[2]--xxx---xx--

His father was missing. Master Splinter was missing.

They all searched far and wide, and they couldn’t find a trace of their sensei. It was like he had just vanished into thin air. Leo wanted to panic, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t let his brothers and his friends know how much all of this was affecting him. They needed someone with a clear head: someone to anchor them all so that they wouldn’t spiral deep into their worries.

But good God, he wanted to scream.

He wanted to meditate this problem away, and Master Splinter was never gone in the first place. Or follow Raph on his lone search even when Leo was the one who let his hotheaded brother have the chance to cool off his head on the surface, but he couldn’t.

He wouldn’t because he had to make sure that Don was taking care of himself and not working himself to the bone. He wouldn’t because he had to make sure that Mikey wouldn’t drive himself crazy with his wild imaginations from how worried he was about their missing father. He wouldn’t because he had to assure them all and himself that they would find Master Splinter—because he refused to accept any other options—so that their focus wouldn’t wane, discussing which block of the city to look in, which street to take note of, and which sign to look out for—

It was maddening, but he wouldn’t scream. He wouldn’t scream because he was a leader. And a leader wouldn’t show any weakness no matter how crushing holding the weight of that title could be.

Even when he failed at that not so long ago.

He—he couldn’t let that happen again. He couldn’t.

Not now when everyone was depending on him to keep a calm head. Not now when their father was missing somewhere unknown. So, Leo just gritted his teeth and pushed through these trying times—to see through to the end. There was no other choice.

…

…Although, that was different when the lair was asleep. When the lair was asleep, he didn’t need to be the leader; he didn’t need to pretend to be the one who knew exactly what he was doing. He didn’t need to act like the nausea he felt from how worried he was didn’t exist or that it wasn’t dragging him down as much as the others.

Here, in his room, he could let his mask fall apart. He could let himself silently break down amongst the familiar blanket of the shadows, but even then, the tears never came. So, he just ended up staring at the dark ceiling most of the time, letting his thoughts circle around his fears and doubts that he didn’t dare to entertain when he had to be strong for the others.

Here, he was just Leonardo: a kid who loved tea, meditation, books, forging, and, most importantly, being with his family.

…He felt like he hadn’t been that kid for a long time now.

It seemed like he did have some tears to spare after all.

--xx---xxx--[3]--xxx---xx--

They were on another planet. Not even in the same galaxy.

How were they going to go back to Earth? To Master Splinter? To April and Casey?

It seemed like he didn’t change that much from the naive turtle who almost joined Oroku Saki before Sensei told him about his true nature as the Shredder. Though, this time, it was because of his refusal to listen instead of failing to dig deeper into the words of the Shredder. He had assumed that the small pink alien blobs with tiny tentacles, who were working in the TCRI building, were their enemy and went along with this observation before it was too late. Now, because of that, he and his brothers were stranded so far away from their home on a planet called D’Hoonnib with no way back.

God, how could he be so stupid?

It had been a pure unbelievable coincidence when they accidentally helped Professor Honeycutt as soon as they arrived at the foreign world. A robot who was housing the human soul of a brilliant scientist who was being hunted down by the two powers for his knowledge on how to build a machine that could travel between galaxies.

Leo felt like they had just used up all of the good fortune from their turtle luck because of this. This was a bit too good to be just pure chance. He needed something to balance this out. A shrine, perhaps? That might work. He would even make sure to construct it really nicely in his room if—when—they got home, but first, they had to hide from the Federation, which they had succeeded at until they didn’t. He also should’ve known that Raph would get the most inconspicuous ride for them. At least, the professor was very knowledgeable on how this alien tank worked when they needed defending from their enemies.

Though, unfortunately, it wasn’t long before they were found again.

They were currently in a sketchy inn that also apparently functioned as a restaurant. They were originally here to find someone who could help them escape this planet, but plans always had to change as they discarded their disguises in favor of escaping this place.

Lasers were everywhere; blue or purple colored, the Triceratons or the Federation, it didn’t really matter. It was chaos. Broken walls and pillars, shattered furniture, wasted food, and spilled blood with various screams and cries of pain—he was glad that the civilians who needed to escape had already escaped. This situation would be a nightmare to deal with if they hadn’t.

Don had just shouted for all of them to group together. The genius brother having already built an escape for them to literally climb onto. Leo was dragging the professor by the hands, making sure to dodge the various rays along the way. Each of his brothers was already on the table, waiting for them to hop onto.

Then, the professor tripped.

Alarmed, he tried to go back to help, but the purple lasers prevented him from doing so, and before he knew it, the professor was swiftly transported and into the Triceratons’ custody. He wanted to chase after him, but he was forced to join his brothers when the lasers fired at him once more. Without the very robot that they were trying to protect, they all flew out of the restaurant and into an alleyway by the explosion from underneath the table that Don had managed to make—probably his brother getting his hands on one of the weapons.

He snapped out of his daze when he heard a distant familiar cry and quickly turned his head towards the direction of the sound. The professor was struggling against the Triceratons as he was shoved into the flying open-roof vehicle, calling for help that never came when the robot was too far away. All Leo could do was watch helplessly as the professor was whisked away from them, and with that, their chance to go home was out of reach.

All of this was because of his fault.

He didn’t have the time to dwell on that fact as he and his brothers immediately went after the kidnappers with another stolen flying vehicle beside the road. They weren’t going to give up that easily.

But they were severely out of their depths.

They all crashed in the middle of an alien red forest: stranded.

Alone.

The flying vehicle that they had been riding on was lying a few feet away from them, heavily damaged with one of the propellers missing when one of the Triceratons soldiers had ripped it away midflight. Smoke was coming out of it, showing no sign that Don would be able to salvage it. His brothers were groaning on the ground; thankfully, it was more from the soreness than any injuries that none of them sustained. Although he couldn’t help but think that they wouldn’t be in this situation right now if it weren’t for him.

If he had been more observant and less stubborn with his assumptions back when they were still on Earth. If he were more vigilant and more careful with his surroundings, their pictures wouldn't be everywhere, and the professor wouldn't be missing right now.

All of this wouldn’t have happened if he had just been stronger. Smarter. Faster.

Suddenly, the anxieties and worries that he had been suppressing for so long flooded him like a tsunami without permission. The countless nights when he had been alone in his room agonizing over what he had done and missed. The feeling of heavy constriction when he had caused the pain in Master Splinter’s eyes. The anguish he felt when he couldn’t make his brothers feel at ease in their father’s absence. The silence that bore down on him when all he wanted to do was to scream to the void, 'Haven't we all suffered enough?!'

In the midst of feeling overwhelmed, he did something he never should have done in the first place.

“Ugh, nice landing, bro,” said Raph, a bit rougher than usual.

“Could’ve been worse.” Don defended.

Trying to get rid of the dizziness, he corrected his brothers grimly, “I don’t think so.”

He felt his brothers paused.

He looked at them; dread began to fill his heart. “We—” there was never a ‘we’ to begin with, was there? “—lost the professor.”

He looked at the ground, not wanting to see their reaction. “We’ll never find him now.”

He squeezed his eyes shut, then opened them up as he looked up at the red sky, so different from the calm and familiar blue that they were all used to. So different from Earth, which was so, so far away that it’s not even a star that twinkled for this planet. And now, because of his damned incompetence…

“Which means… we’ll never go home.”

To their father. To their friends who got left behind, wondering where he and his brothers had gone to.

Wondering if they were dead.

“We failed ourselves.” He failed them all.

Then he hid his crumbled expression by leaning onto a tree like a criminal who was about to be, rightfully, condemned.

“We failed—” He hesitated but continued because it needed to be said. “—Master Splinter.” Which was the worst thing that they, that he, had done.

Before he could spiral further into himself, he felt the weight of a rough hand on top of his shoulder.

“Lighten up, Leo,” said Raph. The usual gruffness of his voice was softened slightly. “We’ll find the way.” Then his brother gave him a few encouraging shakes for emphasis.

“We always do!” Mikey chimed in cheerfully even when there was a slight crack to his voice from how much he had screamed. There wasn’t even any indication that it was from his youngest trying to pretend to believe his own words—which he didn’t understand at all. How could they still be so optimistic after all of this?

There was the sound of rifling through fabric, and he heard Don say, “Well, I took the liberty of attaching a turtle tracker to our little metal friend.”

Leo, proud to have such amazing brothers and embarrassed that he let himself get dragged down by his weakness so easily, quickly latched onto this new piece of information.

“Nice work, Donny!”

--xx---xxx--[4]--xxx---xx--

H-how? How was the Shredder still alive all this time?

There were shocked noises around him expressing the same sentiment, but all he could hear was the loud ringing inside his ears. He felt suffocated as he looked at the armored figure in front of him whose burning dark presence loomed over the entire room. The haunting red eyes pierced at him like they did in his dreams ever since that fateful day—only this wasn’t a nightmare.

This was real.

He could still remember how the support of the water tank broke apart, soon followed by the deafening crash against hard concrete far below. He could still hear the distorted laugh cut right through the heavy rain and the booming thunder directly into his hazy, exhausted mind like the lasers back in space. He could still feel how smooth and easy it was to cut a person, to the point that he was reminded of it every time he used his katanas afterward.

He remembered the many nights where he had to reassure himself that their father hadn’t been secretly killed by the Shredder. He even visited the destroyed Foot base without anyone ever noticing countless times when his usual convincing wasn’t enough, despite being just as tired by the search for their missing father as anyone else.

It was just a few hours ago that he was feeling relieved that he didn’t have to kill Professor Honeycutt: saved from the timely intervention by the Utroms, the pink blob aliens, and thus, turtle luck once more. It was just a few hours ago that he had found out that their father was fine and that pot he was in was just for healing. It was just a few hours ago that he had found out that he and his brothers were only missing for eight hours when it had been three weeks for them in space. It was just a few hours ago that they were being shown the Utroms’ past and found out that the Shredder had an ancestor that looked just like him. It should’ve been left at that, but turtle luck needed payment, and it had chosen the worst one as its price.

It turned out that these two Shredders that they had thought—that he had made himself believe—were separate individuals were actually the same. That meant that Oroku Saki was the Utrom criminal named Ch’rell who was piloting the same exo-suits that the Utroms were using to blend in with the humans. That meant that Leo hadn’t even been remotely close to killing him when the living being was operating comfortably in the stomach of the suit all of these times.

Because Leo had gone for the neck.

He had gone for the neck.

He wished he had decided to check for a sign of life even when the head wasn’t there anymore with so much blood gushing out of the body—

But he didn’t have time to regret when they had to escape this building that was about to be imploded because the culprit of all of their suffering refused to stay in the afterlife.

As they were driving away in the Battle Shell after reuniting with April and Casey, he looked back at where he could see multiple military personnel surrounding the space where the TCRI building used to exist.

The bomb may have taken the Shredder alongside the entire building itself, but he couldn’t trust that Ch’rell wouldn’t be able to somehow find a way to survive. The alien had proven himself to be just that persistent, unfortunately.

He tightly clenched his fists.

And the only thing that they could do was to wait.

--xx---xxx--[5]--xxx---xx--

It was… nice to be in the farmhouse once more. The last time they had been here was for a pretty stressful reason, so it was good that they were now filling this place with positive memories.

The sky was clear when it had been cloudy most of the time because it was winter back then. Various birds were chirping when it had been full of chiming, gentle wind. The trees were full of leaves in contrast to their dead appearance, with the ground covered in lush green instead of ethereal, cold white. It was like they were in a different place entirely. It was warm. The perfect environment for all of them to relax after the constant tension they were experiencing for so long, even before they were in space.

They had just finished training and were now heading towards the picnic blanket not far away from them. April looked up from where she was lying on her stomach reading a book with Casey sitting on a beach chair beside her as they came closer and sat down.

“It’s no big deal really,” said Raph, having continued the conversation that his hotheaded brother had started because he felt a little salty about Leo having outshone them once more.

(He had to be.)

“But I was just thinking about the first time we met the Shredder and how he almost had Leonardo over here—” his brother gestured towards him with his thumb and then wiggled his fingers in a spooky manner as he continued, “—going over to the dark side.”

Leo grimaced at the reminder. Then he put his palm on his head and sighed tiredly. “Here we go again.”

Ever since that encounter, his brothers, especially Raph, who was still holding a bit of a smug-like grudge for being accidentally thrown off of a building by him, couldn’t stop bringing it up whenever they could because of how disbelieved they had all felt about his actions. He knew he shouldn’t be feeling like this—he had brought this onto himself after all, but he just couldn’t help it despite his brothers rightfully poking a bit of fun at him about this.

It was just…

He had been revisiting this particular memory nonstop at this point alongside many others. Analyzing where he had gone wrong, wondering again and again how on Earth he had almost fallen for Ch’rell’s words when it was so clear in hindsight that the other was trying to use him.

The flattering of his skills, the talk about a threat that was vague but detailed enough for him to believe, the appeal to his sense of honor and his need to protect his family, the illusion of choice by giving him an incredible three-hundred-year-old sword that was crafted by Toshi Kurahara himself…

All of these were in an effort to manipulate him to join the Foot. It didn’t matter that he was still going to talk with Master Splinter before his brothers confronted him on his way home when he was already considering that, maybe, they had been too hasty in labeling the Foot as their enemy when it could’ve just been a big, giant misunderstanding.

He knew perfectly well that, if not for his family, he might be with the Foot right now, unknowingly helping the Shredder destroy the Utroms, who were actually good beings, and the consequence for that might cost more than he realized.

He was hoping for a quiet time together with his family and not to think about any of this, but Raph had just opened the floodgate, and it wasn’t going to be stopped. So, all he could do was to listen as each of his family unknowingly brought up the events that had transpired because of his actions. In fact, it was worse than he had thought. He didn’t notice how much of his decisions had affected the family, especially when they saw him being so injured in the first place. It didn’t help that April’s house situation was still a problem that they had to deal with.

He really screwed up, didn’t he?

Despite that, it was nice to just… forget about everything as he wrestled with his brothers and Casey after Mikey had provoked Raph when they just finished their discussions, feeling like he was a teen instead of a leader who had made too many mistakes again and again ad nauseam.

It felt nice to just… be.

He had forgotten what that felt like for a long time now. Things had been so hectic that he almost made himself believe that that was all there was to it anymore. So, he cherished the time they were having now, laughing and groaning from being kicked and punched as he did the same back. He memorized the feeling of the grass underneath, the sound of the fire, the gentle rustling of the woods, the familiar twinkling of the stars, and the expressed but amused huff coming from his father with a fond chuckle from April not that far away.

For the first time in a while, Leo let himself forget and just enjoyed the things he already had and gained: his family.

That was all that mattered in the end.

That was all that mattered when he stared grimly at his challenger in the universal challenge match and agreed to participate when the other choice was his family being executed.

Just another consequence from his actions that put his family into danger.

--xx---xxx--[6]--xxx---xx--

It was obvious now more than ever that Ch’rell had been alive all of these times when they had been busy scrambling around for their missing father in the city.

He was patching himself up, sitting on a crate. His bag with essential things such as food and a med kit was lying beside his feet. He was inside a water tank that was empty (he tried not to think too deeply about his chosen location) after he failed to dismantle a bomb (he really needed to learn how to do that from Donny). He guessed that it was from another disagreement between the now estranged Foot and the mobsters that he hadn’t found the name of yet.

His brothers weren’t here with him right now. He was on his own with his lone impossible quest to somehow stop the gang wars that went out of hand so quickly that now the civilians were getting involved in the crossfire.

It was funny how this was essentially because of his decision to kill the Shredder that led to this. It didn’t matter that Ch’rell didn’t die in that encounter. The only difference was whether or not the city would experience this early or late. The one thing that prevented this from happening was him and his family tolerating and letting their worst nightmare thrive on the surface.

Funny that that was the case.

He stared silently at his freshly bandaged forearm that was illuminated by a small lamp beside him that he had managed to repurpose from a trash bin. His eyes then wander around the area that he had set up as his temporary base. Most of the floor was still wet despite his best efforts to direct some of the remaining water outside with a broom he had found. So instead, he just tied the spare hammock from his home between the beams with a blanket on top and has slept there for the past two days now.

The wind outside was howling; the openness of the rooftop was making the air current stronger than usual compared to the almost non-existent one when he was moving among the buildings, giving this place a hollow feeling that he couldn’t just shake away even if he wanted to.

He felt like there was never a correct decision for him to make. There was always something hidden behind the doors that had been presented to him despite his best efforts to work with what he had been given. Even when he had opened the right door, there was always a second or third trap hidden behind it that he couldn’t avoid fast enough when it was invisible most of the time—with the cost always directed towards his family: both physically and emotionally. Now it was extended to the whole entire city, with a lot of lives being lost.

He frantically messed with his head as he gritted his teeth in agitated torment.

He could anonymously contact the Justice Force, but the heroes had been very busy lately dealing with a massive earthquake in the south side of the world. While he hated to say this, this city’s problem was a bit too small in comparison to their usual level of threat to deal with despite how it seemed like they were saving everyone everywhere. Not to mention, he was pretty sure that a lot of people had already tried to contact the group but to no avail.

Despite that, if the Justice Force were still able to send a few of their own to come here to stop this mess, it would be too late by that point. The police were also useless because they were the ones who were getting a lot of casualties from this. That left the Foot once again, and it was back to square one.

In anger, he hit the wall behind him, not caring that it sent a sharp pain to his bandaged wound. Then he put his head on his hands as he felt his body sag from weariness and exhaustion.

He just… didn’t know what to do anymore.

That sentiment didn’t change when his family later came to join him; their reluctance to get involved was overwritten by the worry they had for him. That sentiment didn’t change when the city was saved because Karai, the good and honored leader, unlike Ch’rell, had just come at the rightful time.

That sentiment didn’t change when he knew full well that he and his family would get eaten if not for the Japanese’ Foot coming to the rescue, with the blame solely placed upon him.

For those reasons, he had tried to explain himself and apologize for his actions as soon as the fight had ended, but Master Splinter had just said to follow one’s heart despite the resistance. However, the usual words of wisdom had just rung hollow to his ears when Sensei had demanded him to stay at home yesterday amidst this pointless war. He didn’t know what had changed for the other to not even lecture him about putting his family into danger despite the evidence staring at them in the face. While Raph had been the most resistant when it came to his reckless decision to get involved and be the pain in the shell for it, his hotheaded brother had been right about one thing before he had also changed his mind:

They all wouldn’t be here right now if not for a convenient solution being presented to them on a silver platter.

Leo stared quietly at the shrine in front of him. The candles sitting on it acted as the only light sources in his otherwise dark room. They were currently resting in their own ways after patching themselves up, feeling relieved that the war had stopped on the surface and was going to go back to its usual schedule.

He adjusted one of the incense sticks that was exclusively set aside just for the offerings. The smell was pleasant as gentle smoke came out of it from the slow burning of the sticks, and he sat there, absorbing the peace. If it weren’t for the recent activities, he would even believe that nothing had changed from when they were still back in their old home. However, he was just too exhausted to even think about anything right now, and so, he did nothing. He just let the quiet consume him as his eyes followed each little flicker of the flames in front of him. The color of it transitioned from strong orange to yellow, which then concentrated to bright blue at the bottom. He wondered what it was like in that strange little place.

Then there was a knock.

“Leo?” A muffled voice that belonged to Raph called out.

He opened his tired eyes, having accidentally slipped into the beginning of meditation amidst the allure of the light, but he didn’t move from his position when he answered, “The door’s open.”

After a brief pause, there was the sound of wood being opened and closed behind him. Then strong but silent footsteps that possessed a lot of physical strength slowly came closer to him, and his brother sat down beside him with a light thud.

“…so, turtle luck has a shrine now, huh?”

He stared at the symbol etched onto the round metal plate. The design was of a simple small turtle sitting on a giant four-leafed clover that he had requested Mikey to make. After a few moments of admiring the craft, he finally answered his brother. “I… just feel like we need it.”

He saw his brother lean closer to it from the corner of his eyes.

Staring intensely at it, Raph said, “Well, don’t get me wrong. It looks nice, but Donny already pointed out how interconnected we are to the Shredder, and I don’t want this on top of that.” Then he shivered from the reminder. “Ugh, it still gives me the creeps just thinking about it.”

Leo looked at his brother and gave him a slight smirk. “That’s why I put it in my room, you know.”

Raph paused.

“Yeah… okay. That’s slightly better, I guess, but not by much.” His brother regarded the shrine uneasily. "I still feel like you just made turtle luck a real thing by doing this.”

He raised his non-eyebrows at that. “Well, aren’t our past adventures already real enough?”

His brother pursed his beak unhappily. “Well, yes, but—I don’t know, Leo.” He rubbed his head nervously. “It just felt less like our specific thing when we didn’t have a physical reminder, you know?”

Yeah, he got what his brother meant.

So, instead, he said, “Would you believe me that making this made me feel slightly better?”

His brother just grunted in response to that as they both looked back at the shrine. Then, after a few minutes of silence, Raph started once again. “I’m sorry.”

He blinked, not having expected that at all.

He looked questioningly at his brother beside him and asked, “What for?”

Avoiding his gaze, his brother answered, “For being an asshole and causing ya a lot of trouble when yer already dealing with so much.”

He frowned. “Raph, while it is true that you are a… hothead, you have a valid reason for your reactions.”

“No, I don’t,” his brother snapped back with a hint of bitterness inside his voice. “I knew how you were feeling, and yet, I was annoyed by it and blame yer for it. I even managed to get you hurt by Karai when there’s no reason to because of my fucking stubbornness!”

Leo touched his bandaged neck, but before he could say anything, his brother moved on. “All I could think of is: why are you feeling responsible? This city had been nothing but hostile to creatures like us so why should we care about it? Why go out of our way to save it?”

His brother looked down at his hands.

“I—I keep telling myself that it deserved it, and I owe it nothing even when the war happened because of our fault.”

His brother clenched his fists. “And then seeing you being tormented by it and then going out of your way and trying ta fix it despite how impossible and stupid it was—” Raph cut himself off, not knowing how to continue as he turned away in shame.

Suddenly, dread began to fill him as Leo realized, “…It reminded you of your helplessness, didn’t it?” He spoke gently.

His brother sucked in a huge surprised breath.

“I—yeah…”

Both of them went quiet.

Leo struggled to say anything. To think that his brother was feeling like this all along and he didn’t see it beyond the façade of rage and responded equally in kind…

God, he had made things worse, hadn’t he?

“I’m angry, Leo.”

He snapped his head towards his brother.

“I’m angry at you.” Raph glared at him. Then he shut his eyes and looked down at the floor in front of him and said, “But I’m more angry at ma ’self.”

Leo discarded his hesitation and embraced his brother in a tight hug. He felt his brother tensed at the sudden contact. “Wha—”

“I’m sorry.”

His brother spluttered over his shoulder. “But yer didn’t do—”

“I did, and I’m Sorry.”

He held his brother in front of him as he looked directly into the other’s confused eyes.

“I have been so busy with the feeling of responsibility for the city that I have let myself become blind to your pain.” He gripped his brother tightly in anguish. “I let myself forget that you all are also going through the same thing as me and made you feel worse because I left when I shouldn’t have.”

He hugged his brother back. “So, I’m so sorry for making you feel worried and reminding you of that first night in the farmhouse.”

Suddenly, his brother clung onto him in desperation.

“Don’t yer ever leave like that again, Leo,” his brother said in a thick voice. “Don’t yer ever leave like that again,” his brother repeated.

He squeezed his eyes shut as he hugged his brother tighter. “I won’t,” he promised. “I won’t, but when I do, I’ll tell you where I’ll be going.”

"You better, you fearless idiot.” His brother growled. "You fucking better.”

They sat there, basking in the comfort that bad things didn’t happen because of the leader’s reckless actions. Over the shoulder of his brother, Leo looked at the shrine once more and was reminded that that fact could have been easily altered.

He wasn’t lying to Raph about the small comfort he felt when he built it. Although…

“I should apologize to the others, shouldn’t I?” Then he blinked. “Hey.”

His brother shifted and turned towards him with a scowl. “What?”

“How do you feel about a vacation?”

His brother frowned. “A vacation…? D ’ya mean to the farmhouse?”

He shook his head. “No, beyond that. Like, an ocean voyage, for example.”

“An ocean voyage,” his brother repeated flatly.

He nodded. “Yeah, it’s a full journey from here to Boston and then back. I’ve come across it in a brochure when I’m… still running around on the surface, butting into things that I shouldn’t.”

His brother snorted at the admission.

“So, what? Getting tired of playing the hero?”

He sighed in exasperation. Fond.

“You’re not going to let that go now, are you?”

His brother sat up and put his hands on his hips with a vindicated, vicious grin.

“Like, shell I will, fearless.”

--xx---xxx--[7]--xxx---xx--

He wasn’t that surprised when he found out the Shredder was alive when they were doing reconnaissance in the Foot’s ship to find out why and where the Foot sent a—honest to God—doppelganger android of their father to harm them despite Karai’s word. It would be just so easy otherwise, wouldn’t it? Although, it seemed like Ch’rell had been really damaged from their last encounter, given how he and his brothers were free to do whatever they wanted for a while, which had been nice.

This new addition—more so the robots that he was pretty confident would give his family one shell of a time—made him swiftly change from plan A to plan B: sinking the ship itself if things in it were dangerous. Though, it wasn’t surprising that it didn’t take long for things to go wrong.

At least, he was glad that his initial assessment of Karia’s character was correct. It was unfortunate that she had the Shredder as her master. Although, it would be a good thing if she became the leader of the Foot Clan instead. The majority of their problems would be easily solved by that one thing alone. He just hoped that she would find the courage to fully follow her honor, which might take a while. Her loyalty to Ch’rell was extremely strong—yet somewhat shaky, and that was all that mattered for now.

Because, now, they had to get off the ship.

Of course, it wouldn’t be them if they didn’t encounter the Shredder himself along the way, would it?

He, his brothers, Master Splinter, and Zog, who was the Triceraton that managed to escape from the TCRI building before he could be sent back to his hometown like his comrades, fought the robots and Mr. Pain in the shell himself. If not for the Triceraton’s help, they would be having a much harder time dealing with these metal soldiers.

If not for Zog’s sacrifice, they wouldn’t have gotten out of the ship in time.

As he stared at the blowing ship from a safe distance floating in the sea with his family, he couldn’t help the feeling of dirtiness that washed over him for what he had done to Zog. While the Triceraton was part of the enemy that was terrorizing Professor Honeycutt back in space, that didn’t change the fact that he and his family had taken advantage of the dinosaur alien for his brain having a difficult time from breathing oxygen. They didn’t have that much of a choice not to, but that didn’t change that they—that he had done something so extremely wrong.

He had always viewed the Shredder as a dishonorable monster, but in that instance, he felt like he wasn’t that different from the alien for what he had just done. Did he even have the right to say anything about honor to Karai when they were still on that ship?

What a hypocrite he was.

It was quiet when they went back to the lair, worn out and emotionally exhausted from their mission. But they didn’t stop for rest, as they all quickly gathered necessary things and went back to their childhood home.

When they arrived in front of the collapsed entrance, they immediately got to their respective tasks, already knowing what to expect from doing the same for Leatherhead before Leo was occupied with trying to stop the city war. Together, he and Don build a small but sturdy boat from one of the finest materials that they had found from the junkyard. Raph was setting up the candles while Mikey was folding paper cranes with Master Splinter. After they were finished, they all carefully arranged the papers in the boat, leaving the center for something to put.

On cue, Mikey stepped forward to put down the torn tail that he kept as a souvenir from the Triceratons’ space suit that had been worn when they were still in space. Then Raph handed each of them the candles, and they all stepped into the sewer water and put the mini boat down without letting go just yet.

Now, the hard part.

“Who would like to start first?” Leo asked.

“I’ll go first.” Splinter answered. “While I am the least acquainted when it comes to the adventures in a different galaxy, I can see that Zog was a very honorable individual despite the differences that we all had. I wish I had met you in a better circumstance, warrior. May you travel safely in the afterlife.”

“It’s been fun.” Mikey continued, voice wobbling from trying hard not to cry. “I know that it had just been fighting and stuff, and I wished that I could show you around our lair and my comics, but—” there was a sniff. “I also kinda know that you would be kicking our butts whe—if Don had another chance to properly look at your breathing tank and stuff. Even then, I still like to believe that we would get along after things calm down.”

When it was clear that Mikey wouldn’t continue, Raph stepped in. “At first, I hated yer guts.”

His brother clenched hard onto his candle. “You went after the professor, and then you trashed one of our new flying vehicles that we, but mainly Donny, had worked so hard on. Then you helped us take down that impostor of our father even when you were confused from breathing our air.”

Then almost quietly he said, “You were really cool back there when you stopped the Shredder, you know. I wished we had the chance to get along. Me and Casey would have loved hanging out with you.”

“Um.” Don started smartly. “While I have been… less than thrilled when I learned that you have been wandering in our sewers, I would be lying if I said that I wasn’t curious about you and your culture. You turned out to be a really great guy when you mistook us for your… friends.” His brother grimaced.

“I’m sorry that I didn’t fix up your gas mask to the fullest.” He continued apologetically. “I wished I could talk to you about all sorts of things; it would’ve been nice.” Mikey gently bumped into the genius’s shoulder, to which Don gave a thankful smile in return.

Now, it was his turn to talk.

Leo breathed in carefully to himself. “You were honorable and a good soldier for your chosen allies, better than I could ever be.” There was a small, confused noise from one of his family, but he ignored it. “You stick to what you believe is right until the end. You didn’t even stop to think if the one you were talking to wasn’t your friend as soon as you believed that we’re your comrades from your home.”

Leo also grimaced. “I deeply regret that I took advantage of that level of trust. I wish I could apologize to you in person. But the only thing I can do now is to wish for you to be happy in where you are going.”

He attached his candle in one of the candle holders from the boat. “Rest well, soldier.”

“Rest well, Zog.”

“Bye, Zog.”

“Go and kick some bad spirits for your Triceratons friends, buddy.”

“Have a safe trip, brave warrior.”

The rest of the family put the candles on the boat, and, finally, they let go.

The boat floated gently along the flowing stream. The lights from the five candles illuminated the path forward, chasing the darkness away. The usual dirty water of the sewer looked somehow beautiful, reflecting the lights reminiscent of the colorful ones from the New York city above. This night, the tunnel was the witness to a commemoration that the boat represented, acting as a guide once more for a soul that was honored.

The family of five was watching as it slowly got further and further away. When it went through one of the missing pieces of the rusty iron bars, he heard Mikey say beside him, “You know, this isn’t your fault, right, Leo? Like, we all basically did the same thing.”

Leo briefly glanced towards Mikey, who was staring straight ahead, and then back at the distant boat. “I just… can’t help but feel responsible.”

Then he felt Raph give him a bump with his fist on his right shoulder. “Yeah, it sucks to be honest. It just makes me hate the Shredder more. That bastard didn’t even bat an eye with what he had done to Baxter Stockman, even if I hate that annoying scientist.”

It said a lot that Master Splinter didn’t even try to correct the cursing.

“I do have a few ideas to monitor the Foot’s activity more closely,” said Donny. “Though, I need April’s help with this one, but she has been busy with dealing with her new shop lately. What do you think, Leo?”

He looked at his brother and gave him an amused grin. “Since when do you need permission for things like this, Don? It’s all yours. I’m also sure that April wouldn’t even mind at all.”

“Excellent! I have so many things I want to try. There’s that thermometer that I—” His brother would have rambled on if Master Splinter didn’t gently stop him by putting his hand on the other’s arm.

“You can do that later after we all rest.” Splinter sent a knowing look towards his brother, and Don gave his father a sheepish smile. “It’s been a long day, my sons.”

It was, wasn’t it?

--xx---xxx--[8]--xxx---xx--

He didn’t know how to feel about this.

He and his brothers were walking along this strange new place. The soft pink sky, big ruined statues, strange autumn-like yellow grass and red trees, familiar animals that weren’t, and boiling water that occasionally pumped out strong steams…

He knew that Master Splinter was hiding a few things from them when that challenger, who called himself the Ultimate Ninja (but he would just stick with challenger), came to interrupt their ice cream run, but he never would’ve guessed this.

He tightened his arm around the improvised cloth made by the plants around here that was holding securely onto his broken katanas. He felt vulnerable and lost, like he was at the barn for the first time again, as he followed behind Raph and Don, who were at the front, with Mikey behind him. That feeling strengthened when they were prevented from helping their father, who was fighting a four-armed light blue giant by that familiar magical water dome.

Was this how his family felt when he was fighting that challenger? No wonder they had been very clingy when it was over. This feeling sucked.

(Suddenly, he felt like the apology he did a few weeks ago wasn’t enough.)

When he and his brothers were allowed to move again, they all immediately rushed towards their father and checked for any injuries, which they, thankfully, didn’t find. Although, they all had forgotten one important thing.

“You’re supposed to stay at home, not follow me here.” Splinter’s voice was sharp when he said that. Then his father glared at him. “Leonardo, I am very disappointed.”

Hearing the anger in his voice, Leo snapped out of his worry in favor of guilt.

“I’m sorry, sensei. I just—” He was stopped when Raph put his hand in front of him.

“Don’t blame Leo, Master Splinter. I. Kinda talked him into it.”

Before anyone could continue, they were interrupted by the announcement of Hamato Splinter being the winner of this match. And that was the thing; their father was apparently in a tournament. That explained the intense practicing he and his brothers had been witnessing for the past month. This also explained that, three years ago, their father was secretly going to another dimension—or Nexus, as the giant warrior has explained after their misunderstandings.

He really didn’t know how to feel about this.

As he listened to the story of their father by the giant, he realized that Master Splinter didn’t talk about this place to them because of the assassination attempt that their sensei had experienced after the tournament by the petty dragon warrior named Drako. That fact made him feel relieved even while the idea of his father being injured without them there to be of any help filled him with anxiety. So, instead, he focused on the fact that Master Splinter was a legend around this place. He didn’t know that his father was famous like that—among the great multiverse too, no less—which filled him with immense pride.

Then they got the chance to participate, which made him feel nervous. Usually, fighting was always about life or death. At least, when it came to the outside of his family, so he couldn’t help but feel a bit curious about how it would be like. Then seeing that Triceraton gladiator, Traximus, with his group being invited here had been a pleasant surprise for all of them. Those guys really needed allies with their whole situation back at their home, and he was glad that they were taking advantage of this new opportunity to recruit.

After he met a very skilled samurai (who he was beginning to see as a friend), Miyamoto Usagi, who had helped him from the assassins when he was alone in the pavilion of past champions, there was a growing fear inside him that his fighting experience here wouldn’t be that much different from back home. It didn’t help that he saw the Shredder’s helmet in that hall—even after he got back his newly fixed katanas. Though it did put him a bit at ease as he regrouped with family in the arena after he and Usagi went their separate ways. However, he didn’t trust the challenger despite how the other seemed like he had a change of heart and showed worry after he had informed them all about his recent encounter. The assassination attempt was a bit too coincidental for that to be possible.

Then the tournament started.

And to borrow Mikey’s words: it was awesome.

Sure, it reminded him of the death arena back in space with all of the audience watching them and cheering from the seats that made his skin crawl, but he was able to ignore it in favor of focusing on the opponent in front of him.

As he clashed with a purple mecha look-alike that he occasionally saw in Mikey’s comics or toy shops, there was a sense of ease in him that he hadn’t felt before. It was almost close to how he fought his brothers when they trained together, but that didn’t mean that he could let his guard down. The lack of any bloodlust from his opponent didn’t mean that this fight wasn’t intense. It was fun, to be honest. And refreshing. He never thought that fighting could be kind like this. It felt so different back in New York, and, honestly, he preferred this over the other any day.

It was such a shame that it didn’t last long. He was honestly enjoying the fight with Usagi in the second round.

Now, he was lying on the couch back in the lair, still dealing with the leftover poison from the assassins (which was sent by that challenger) circling around in his blood even with the medicinal plant that was kept close on the small wound on the back of his neck. His brothers were sleeping on the floor. The situation had reminded them too much of that first night when they went to the farmhouse for them to go back to their own rooms.

It had been surprising to find out that Don had threatened Usagi when his brother was protecting him in the med-bay back in Nexus, having mistaken the bunny warrior for the culprit. Maybe it shouldn’t be that surprising. His brother did have a hidden bite to him, which mostly showed up when he was sleep deprived. Leo being unconscious back there certainly helped draw that side of his brother out in the open.

He couldn’t but felt guilt for that fact.

He carefully sat up and looked down towards the pile of maskless turtles, pillows, and blankets. The televisions had already been turned off from their impromptu movie session. Raph was snoring loudly, which turned into a grunt when Mikey’s feet slapped at his cheek. The youngest didn’t even stir when he got pushed away almost violently and instead smoothly rolled over to Don, who subconsciously grumbled something about personal space.

It was a sweet sight that brought a gentle smile to his face. Oh, how he would do anything for his family.

That brought attention to why he hadn’t gone to sleep yet despite how weak he felt: he needed to talk to Master Splinter.

He quietly removed his blanket and carefully got off the couch, mindful not to wake his brothers up. Slowly, he headed to his father’s room. The dim light coming out of the traditional Japanese sliding door shone through, clueing him in that his father was still up. When he arrived in front of it after taking the short stairs, he gave the door a gentle knock.

“Father, are you still awake?”

There was a slight shuffle, and then he heard his father’s voice. “You can come in, my son. I am awake.”

He went inside.

The room was big. In front of the far middle wall were the three giant stones sitting on the sandpit, which had been made to have patterns like the Zen garden in a documentary about Japanese temples that they saw or searched through on the web. The bonsai trees in the corner beside it that they, in their disguises, had bought from a plant shop a few blocks away from the public library. Wooden flooring that they all had a hard time getting the material for when they were still renovating this place as their new home. The slight damages that became part of the floor pattern from Mikey hammering too hard to fit things where they shouldn’t but being too stubborn or impatient to restart again. The occasional rough texture to the sections of the wall where Raph was tasked to apply concrete. The air conditioner and the now turned-off light that Don had set up. Various furniture that had been repaired from the junkyard that they found together…

It was still a wonder that they managed to make this place so nice and beautiful.

There, to the right, in front of a small table, was Master Splinter, who was sitting on a cushion that the mutant rat had made himself.

“Having trouble sleeping, my son?” His father asked without turning around.

Catching a glimpse of the other leafing through a book, Leo answered, “…You could say that.”

He walked towards his father and sat down a few feet away. After a few moments of hesitation, he asked, “Why didn’t you tell us about the Nexus before?”

The sound of flipping papers stopped. Then there was a tired sigh as his father faced him.

With a deep regret in his voice, Master Splinter said, “It was a secret that I could not share, not when I’m not sure that you four are ready. Especially after I experienced how dangerous that place could be myself with Drako’s attempt on my life.”

He nodded. That lined up pretty well with his theory, but he couldn’t help but wonder…

“Would you tell us about it sooner if Drako hadn’t come after you?”

His father hummed as he stroked his chin, deep in thought.

“It wouldn’t be unreasonable not to, my son. There are no rules that you cannot go there as non-warriors, after all.” Then his father looked at him curiously. “What does seem to be the matter, my son?”

He couldn’t help but feel a bit embarrassed. “Ah, I just thought how nice that would be, you know? Walking around without worry.”

He paused and corrected, “At least, not as much given our tendencies to attract troubles.”

He saw his father’s whiskers twitch in amusement.

“Indeed.”

They fell into a comfortable silence. That was usually the cue for him to leave, but there was still something that was bothering him.

Having sensed his struggles, Master Splinter inquired, “Leonardo?”

He shook his head with an apologetic smile. His father didn’t need to know about this.

“Sorry, sensei. I’m just tired. I’ll be going now.”

After staring at him for a long moment, his father finally said, “Sleep well, Leonardo. Your body needs rest.”

“I will.” He bowed and continued, “Good night, Master Splinter.”

“Good night, my son.”

And then he left.

As he lay back down on the couch, he couldn’t help but think: What if things had gone differently three years ago?

Of course, he loved this city despite how hostile it could be, but he found himself kept pondering: what if they had grown up there instead? What if they grew up under the open sky and fresh air? With everyone that wouldn’t even bat an eye at mutants like them?

They might even have a normal enough childhood too: have the time to be just kids instead of worrying about shelter, food, or guns being directed towards their faces. Raph could go out whenever he liked without Leo having to worry as much about his brother’s habits. Mikey could hang out and explore whatever he deemed fancy and made many new friends, although his brother would be very bummed without his TV and comics. Although, that could easily be solved if they just visited Earth from time to time. Donny could get his brilliance acknowledged, but it would be a bit limited given the Nexus’s technology seemed to be stuck in the past—but they could work with that somehow. April and Casey could even visit sometimes, and he wouldn’t have to worry about being the leader to protect his family as much. That would be nice.

That would be really nice.

He covered his eyes as he felt a pang inside his chest.

…he almost wished he didn’t know about the Nexus in the first place.

Chapter Text

“What?!!”

“The governments saw you?!!”

He and his brothers were in Zanramon’s, the prime leader of the Triceraton Republic, private space cruiser. Their invasion of Earth had just ended a few minutes ago when the aliens realized that the professor had left a while ago. Currently, he and his brothers were looking for a place to hide this stolen ship, which had been taken once more just out of pure pettiness. This was a justifiable reaction considering what the aliens had done to one of their own.

Don winced from the increased flare of headache from the screams, still dealing with the effects of his mind being probed when he was in the Triceratons’ custody. Seeing that their shouting didn’t help his brother, Leo snapped out of his shock.

“Guys, inside voice.” He gently reminded. He went towards the genius brother and applied pressure on a specific part on the other’s head. They really needed to check his brother for any damages, even if it seemed more on a mental level rather than physical.

“Sorry,” Mikey returned quietly. “But, dude. Please tell me you’re joking. Tell me that this is just your brain doing the usual overthinking thing because I don’t like where this is going.”

Sighing from relief of being temporarily freed from the pain, his purple-loving brother answered apologetically with a hint of guilt, “Unfortunately, even if I don’t want it to, that is what happened. I don’t think my imagination can even conjure up the uncomfortableness of being literally shoved onto the screen that is connecting to so many important people during an alien invasion.”

His brother massaged his neck for a bit. “Man, I really need to learn that. It would have saved my shell a ton when I’m working.”

Despite the pit in his stomach eating away at him, Leo allowed himself to feel a bit of amusement. “Not if I know for sure that you’re not going to abuse it. Your nerves are already working overtime with how much you pull an all-nighter and drink too many coffees. There’s a reason that sensei was even reluctant to teach me at all.”

Don gave him an embarrassed smile at that.

Before his brother could say anything, Mikey interrupted. “Still, really? The government?” Disbelief was clear in his voice.

The genius brother bowed his head down in shame. “Yeah, sorry for not telling you guys sooner.”

Before Leo could try to reassure his brother, Raph piped in from where he was monitoring the front of the ship despite it being set on autopilot currently.

“It’s not yer fault that it happened.” The accent was more prominent than usual.

“Yeah, okay,” Donny answered skeptically.

“It’s not. You told us how hard you tried to resist, didn’t ya?”

Don looked pained.

“Yeah, but—” The speech was cut short when Mikey fully leaned over him like an overgrown dead fish.

“Dude, shut up. You were literally surrounded by big buff yellow dinosaurs with laser guns that could melt metal, which we even used to weld the door shut last time ourselves. I certainly know that that is a hard situation to get out of.”

Then his brother shivered. “Ugh, don’t even get me started on how painful it is just by looking at it destroying a part of the pillar. My girly scream wouldn’t even do it justice if that thing even grazes a bit of my skin. I am already terrified about finding out about Sidney’s green acid when she was still a mutant; I don’t need another similar thing haunting my nightmares. Oh my gosh, why did I make this connection? Now my stupid brain wouldn’t leave me alone—”

Leo stopped his youngest from spiraling further by putting a comforting hand on his shoulders and turned to Don. “Mikey’s right. I don’t think any of us could do much if we were in your shoes. I’m still surprised that you managed to resist the mind probe helmet by connecting with Master Splinter in the first place.”

That successfully distracted his brother from his self-blaming.

“Yeah, me too. I didn’t know that, uh, spiritual things could resist technology like that. Of course, I already suspect that it can affect us more than we realized, given how we were able to bring you back from your… you know, just by talking to you. But I never thought that it could be physical. It seems like a frequency type of thing too. Just in a range that we normally couldn’t tap into without knowing how.”

His brother put his hand on his chin. “I need to ask sensei how he did that and then run a few experiments back home. It could be a groundbreaking thing if I can manage to successfully replicate this experience. And then—”

“Before you do that, we’re going ta haf’ta look at your head, genius,” said Raph.

“And then we all rest.” Leo agreed. “Don’t think that I didn’t notice you trying to hide your headache earlier, Donatello.”

His brother winced.

“Ooohh, Leo used your full name. You know what that means, Donny~”

When it seemed like his stubborn brother was still considering the opposite of taking care of himself, Leo added, “I will not hesitate to even send Mikey after you. You know how he is. Mikey, are you up for it?”

The brother in question gave him a mischievous grin with a thumbs up. “With pleasure, Captain Leonardo! You better watch out, Don, for I, the Battle—”

Don crossed his arms almost petulantly as he grumbled. “Fine.”

“Good.” Then Leo sobered up. “Now, we need to discuss how our approaches will be in the future given the government might potentially be looking for us. And Don, none of us blame you for it, got it?”

Don reluctantly nodded.

“Do you think men in black suits will come to our sewers and give a knock to our lair?” Mikey asked, nervously playing with the chains of his nunchakus.

“Like, it’s barely been a year since we stayed in our new home. It’s a bit too soon to part with it, you know?”

They all still clearly remembered how the Mousers had easily torn apart their childhood home like it was yesterday. All of the histories that had happened there were easily destroyed overnight, like they never happened, and none of them could do anything about it. Helping April deal with Baxter Stockman wasn’t just out of pure altruism for them after all.

“No, we’re not.” He assured. “But I think it’s a good idea to be more vigilant from now on.”

He looked back at his tech-loving brother. “Don, we’re going to help you set up more surveillance around the sewers after we know for sure that you don’t have any side effects from what you just experienced and take a good rest.”

His brother sighed. “Yeah, I get it.”

Satisfied with the response, he continued, “Have at least one other person with you whenever you go out. So, no solo patrols.” That last one was directed towards his hotheaded brother, who gave a grunt as acknowledgement without turning around from his seat at the front.

“And lastly, we need to ask Master Splinter to teach us a way to prevent being mind-probed next time.”

Don grimaced but agreed with Raph, who gave a “Whatever, fearless leader.”

Mikey, on the other hand…

“Whaaatt? More training? Are you serious, Leo? What about my time with my movies and my precious Silver Sentry comics? Please have mercy!” His brother went down on his knees with his hands clasped together in a desperate mock prayer.

Leo just raised his non-eyebrow at the show of dramatics. “If you want your memory of eating—”

“Oh god, no! Don’t bring that up again. I’m already feeling nauseous just by thinking about it!” His brother said in horror.

“Then you’ll do it?”

“You’re a monster, Leo,” his brother said miserably from the floor. “A monster.”

His mind briefly went to Zog, but he shook it off when they got an unexpected call from the most unlikely individual that was also the reason for the invasion in the first place. Then dread followed soon after as they quickly found out that the professor just arrived here to stop the invasion and had already broadcast the message of the insane and suicidal plan to hand himself over to the horned-heads.

And they had just barely managed to convince the aliens to leave.

Such was the story of their life, it seemed.

--xx---xxx--[1]--xxx---xx--

Would this have happened if he didn’t hesitate to kill Professor Honeycutt when the robot had offered (begged) him to back in space?

That was the question circling around the forefront of his mind when he was blinded by the bright light that was out of place at a time such as night. The four of them and the professor had been running around the city for the whole day non-stop (more so the former until they managed to convince the latter to help in hiding his own signature). So, they were already pretty exhausted by the time they managed to achieve their goal of being out of the Triceratons’ radar. Then another problem had just found them when they were taking refuge in a park: the government agents.

Leo felt his face darken when they were ordered to put their hands above their heads, and they had no choice but to comply. He subtly eyed the weapons of the two soldiers that were coming closer towards them. His genius brother would agree that these were a bit too advanced-looking for humans to be in possession of, despite Earth already having amazing technologies floating around. Baxter Stockman was the prime example with his former Stocktronic Industries.

When he was about to take one of the weapons for himself, his hotheaded brother used his sais on them, breaking them in the process, and kicked the agents out of the way with a split kick. Thus, all of the element of surprise they had was used up in that single moment.

“Nice going, Raph.” He snapped, dodging the blue lasers that were coming after them. He swiftly went towards the nearest light pole to swing onto it sideways and kicked one of the groups with the momentum that he had gained. Although, he didn’t have the time to get the weapons when he had to immediately dodge away from another barrage of lasers once more.

Suddenly, there were sounds of broken glass with screams from their attackers, and before they knew it, there was a buzzing, and they felt nothing but pain.

The only thing that he could think of when he was being consumed by black dots was for the others to be safe elsewhere, and then there was nothing.

When he came back to himself, they were already strapped onto metal operation tables that could be rotated from flat on their shells to leaning onto them almost vertically. They were in a lab somewhere that was owned by a guy named Bishop, who was apparently relied upon by the government for certain dirty work. Like, dissecting mutants such as he and his brothers, for example. It seemed like half of their plans in that stolen space cruiser before the professor called them were already compromised, given the fact that Bishop somehow knew a lot of things about him and his family when they didn’t even have a damn clue about this agent’s existence until now.

The professor had already been handed over to the Federation. It turned out the group was operating in the shadows while the Triceratons were publicly invading the Earth and wasting their own resources in the process.

To make things worse, they then found out that Leatherhead, who they had thought had been crushed by the rubble of their remaining childhood home (which had been fixed but then wasn’t), had been alive this whole time.

He remembered Mikey was moping around for the whole day when his new friend was no longer with them anymore. It had taken him and the rest of the family a while to cheer him back up again. The commemoration they did for Zog had come from that incident.

If not for Master Splinter, April, and Casey coming for them in the nick of time, his youngest would have been dissected right in front of their eyes.

…Would this have happened if he had killed Professor Honeycutt when he had the chance?

But they wouldn’t have found their crocodile friend if that was the case, would they?

But—but if that was the case, it meant that Don would have to take his place regardless: to finish where Leo had hesitated. To, knowingly or not, aid with the professor’s suicide mission of ending the war between the Federation and the Triceratons because the robot scientist had found that that was the only way—

And he had been right.

Leo didn’t know what to think anymore.

He looked at his brothers’ sleeping forms among the blankets in the living area once more, beyond exhausted from their experiences for almost two days straight. He looked at the tear tracks on one of his brothers being dimly illuminated by the now silent screen of the TVs.

When they were carrying the… body of the professor, Don had been quiet when they were coming home; all of them were, but especially his tech-loving brother. It had taken their father expressing his immense gratitude for his sons being alive and Mikey crying over how scared he had been for Don to finally crack open.

“I hate him,” his brother had said, staring heatedly at the robot lying on the table of his lab (however futile that might be) in front of him. Tears were running down his cheeks from equal parts frustration and devastation. “God, I hate him so much.”

He looked at Raph next. Specifically at his bandaged hands that Leo had wrapped himself. His brother had taken the beating of his dummy to the next level, leaving his knuckles bloodied in the process. It happened when all of them were already patched up and waiting for April and Casey to come back to them with a nice warm pizza.

Leo flexed his shoulder a bit, which was sore from what they had been through these past few days but also from his sparring with his crime-fighting loving brother in an attempt to distract from the self-blame that Raph had spiraled into—to stop his brother from hurting himself further. No words were exchanged in that moment when they both understood what the other was going through. They were big brothers after all.

He turned towards the big lump on one of the couches. The reason why he was awake in the first place.

Leatherhead was shifting restlessly in his sleep, having gone through something so horrible for months on end without his family even knowing. Being under Bishop with the knowledge that nobody was coming for the rescue. God, how awful that must be.

He silently got up from the floor and went up to the giant crocodile. He looked at the tension embracing the whole figure in front of him and immediately knew that touching was the absolute last thing to do. So instead, he went to the kitchen and started to brew some tea.

When the water in the kettle was boiling, he browsed through the cabinet for the selection of which type of tea to use and decided to go with lavender mostly for its slight floral aroma. The other, no doubt, had spent an absolutely unpleasant amount of time with the sterile scent of the lab. This tea might remind the other’s sensitive nose that he was safe elsewhere and, hopefully, woke up on his own.

After he was done, Leo went back to the living room and placed the two cups down onto the nearby table and poured the tea into them. He gently put the kettle down, grabbed one of them for him to drink, sat on the other remaining empty couch, took a sip, and waited.

It didn’t take long for Leatherhead to stop twitching and begin to stir awake.

“You’re up, big guy?” Leo softly whispered, not wanting to wake the others up.

The big guy in question took his time to stare at the ceiling in confusion for a bit and then finally turned his head towards him.

The croc blinked for a second and quietly inquired, “…You made tea?”

Leo inclined his head to the other cup on the table. “That’s yours if you don’t mind drinking one. I can make you other different beverages if you prefer. We have plenty stocked in the kitchen—or just fresh water if that’s what you want instead.”

The croc stared at him with a lost expression.

Then, “I don’t mind.”

The other carefully set up and took a sip after he grabbed his share and paused. “Lavender…?”

“Too much?” It’s not even that strong, but he could understand that it could be a bit overwhelming when one had just awoken from slumber a moment ago.

“No, it’s perfect.” The other took another and longer sip as the tension visibly fell out of him and he sighed in content.

“Thank you. I…” He fidgeted with the small cup while refusing to look him in the eyes. “I don’t think I can come back to myself fast enough if I’m on my own.”

Likely from the nightmares. Leo immediately felt remorse shoot through him but didn’t show it as he smiled kindly at the other.

“It’s no problem, Leatherhead. That’s what f—” What? What friends do? He didn’t think that he would even qualify as a friend in the first place. Before things went south, he only knew the other’s existence for about an hour, barely long enough to be an acquaintance. After that, the scientist was only known to him as someone who was lonely but had a kind and gentle soul. Someone like Zog, who was loyal to the end, who had been unjustifiably used by someone who they had thought they could trust. So, he quickly changed his answer. “—ellow sewer dwellers like us do. We’re used to dealing with this kind of thing given our lifestyles.”

He couldn’t help but grimace.

He took a deep breath and continued, “Sorry for not coming for you sooner. We would’ve, if we knew.”

Leatherhead shook his head, still not looking up. “As you have said, Leonardo, you guys didn’t because you didn’t suspect that I would survive. I have even surprised myself with what I have accomplished when I was unknowingly staying at your former lair.” Then he let out a low growl. “Helping, Bexter Stockmen.”

Then he softened. “I apologize for that, and thank you for letting me stay here. I’ll try my best to not get in your way.”

Now, it was Leo’s turn to shake his head.

“No need for that. It’s the least we can do.” Especially after how he had quickly concluded the death of Mikey’s newly made friend without double-checking despite how unsurvivable the cave-in had looked.

(How many times was he going to keep making these kinds of mistakes?)

He let out an amused grin. “And don’t worry about causing big trouble. We already housed Casey Jones, who is already plenty for us to deal with when he is always here as a guest. I don’t even want to imagine if he ever decided to fully live here, so don’t worry about topping him in that department.”

He glanced at the other’s cup and inquired, “Second?”

Leatherhead blinked at his lack of tea in surprise and then looked at him apologetically. “Please, my friend.”

Friend, even after all of that, the scientist croc still considered them a friend.

And here Leo was, debating with himself whether or not he should’ve killed Professor Honeycutt for the potential consequences to be lesser than what they all had experienced. Then hope that he would somehow realize to check for the croc’s body and start looking for him when finding none—which meant prolonging the suffering that the other was going through. Especially when he wasn’t even sure that Leatherhead would still be alive if they managed to discover him—which was already a shell of a task to begin with without the trackers from their shell-cells that had aided their father, April, and Casey to find them in the first place.

He hid his tight smile behind his cup after he also poured a second for himself.

What a friend he was.

--xx---xxx--[2]--xxx---xx--

He was alone in his room: training.

Trying to, at least.

Usually, practicing was reserved for the section of the main lobby that connected to every places of the lair. However, if Leo wanted some privacy when he trained, it was always his room. The place was big enough for him to freely do a few complicated moves with his scooter despite it being on the smaller side in comparison to the others.

He had just finished doing some katas and was now doing stretches on the mattress. After he was done, he turned his head towards the table near his bed—and there, his two katanas were situated innocently on the stand like they had always been whenever they weren’t sheathed on his back.

The katanas that had been recently tainted with the blood of one of his loved ones.

He quickly turned away from it to look at his bookshelf instead.

The air had shifted when he and his brothers had come back from their latest outing when they tried to help Angel find her missing brother and succeeded. While the journey back home after they escorted their human passengers was still filled with the usual banter, it had been stilted: tense. Mikey had kept glancing at his left arm despite the other’s attempt to hide it. Raph had been a lot gentler—no, more hesitant—when he did his typical shoving when the youngest had been persistent with his deliberate annoying poking. Don had been particularly jumpy with an almost paranoid edge to him since that red thing had been killed. All of these were made clearer when they had trained again three days later.

It showed in the way how Mikey kept anticipating something when his orange brother faced him before quickly snapping out of it when his brother had to dodge his strikes. The constant feeling of being watched as he caught something like fear flashed briefly in his brother’s eyes when he subtly looked towards his brother. Although, the fear seemed less from the direct harm that Leo could bring but from something that made Mikey try to rope him into his antics more often than usual.

It showed in the way how Raph had moved rigidly: almost robotically. It was to the point that his brother had been disarmed multiple times in the process. Which then led to the motorbike-loving brother being aggressive with his fighting, but then he stopped himself dead in his tracks, and the cycle repeated itself. Even when Mikey had riled him up like he sometimes did just because, Raphael always caught himself with a conflicted emotion in his eyes that eventually settled to him just gruffly huffing out in an almost guilty manner.

It showed in the way how Don was really attentive when that was usually reserved for his projects. In fact, his genius brother became so focused on how to move correctly and, more importantly, faster that his brother had briefly forgotten the natural fluidity that he had when it came to the usage of his own bo staff. Which had led to triggering a panic response that made Raph and Mikey quickly shut up from their attempt at teasing.

Master Splinter had ended the training not soon after that.

And Leo? Well, he didn’t make it obvious to the others, but he had been avoiding using his katanas as best as he could. Even when he did, he made sure not to look at them directly and subtly angled them away from his father.

He grimly looked back to his weapons that felt more like the extensions of himself.

It didn’t matter that he had known that this version of his father was an illusion that had been created by that red creature to suck out all their life force by showing their worst fears. He had still done it all the same even if he didn’t intend to. He had impaled a version of their father through the heart even when the other had tried to kill him when his awareness of what was happening had been caught on.

He lifted up his hands. The redness of his forest green skin had already disappeared from his futile attempt to scrub off the memory of the blood the moment he got home. The last image of Master Splinter’s horrified and disappointed face with words of disbelief kept replaying on his mind despite how hard he had tried to distract himself. Meditating, training, reading books, hanging out with his brothers, and forging—all of that couldn’t get rid of the memory of the blades cutting through the fabric, followed by the squelch of thick red liquid coming out and warmly splashing across his face and plastron, with a strong smell of iron hanging in the air.

God, his first experience with ‘killing’ the Shredder wasn’t like this. His first experience with ‘blood’ staining his hands was nothing compared to this.

He clenched his shaking hands into a fist as he took a few deliberate breaths.

Never before in his life had he hated the hands that wielded the katanas so much.

--xx---xxx--[3]--xxx---xx--

Seeing Ch’rell as Ouroku Saki on the news being declared as the ‘hero’ of New York for his philanthropism to help rebuild the city was a bitter pill that was a long time coming. So, when it was eventually placed on his palm, he swallowed it.

Dry.

That didn’t mean that he was going to leave alone all of the shady things that the Shredder was doing. Not when that something could do harm instead of keeping the city from the brink of chaos.

That was the case with Master Splinter’s and Mikey’s, while not directly related to stopping whatever Ch’rell was up to, encounter with the Touch and Go duo when his brother and father were scouting the sewers for damages by the invasion. They found out that assassins had been hired to kill them all by the Purple Dragons’ leader, Hun, who was working for the Shredder.

That was the case with him and Mikey helping Nobody, a new hero, with his case on the weapons dealer, Ruffington, who was selling modified Triceratons cannons and so much more. It was also a 'coincidence' that the customer turned out to be the Purple Dragons and thus, the Shredder once again.

That was the case when he and his brothers sabotaged the salvage operation for the power core inside the Triceratons’ Tri-base that was situated in the middle where the river and the ocean met. There, they got a nasty surprise when they encountered three giant steel robots that had been designed to look like Karai, which had been weird, he wasn’t going to lie. He didn’t find Karai to be that type of person who liked to plaster her own images onto everything. It didn’t seem like it was a Baxter Stockman thing to do either, despite how the guy had built a fighting robot that one time, which not only had a resemblance to him and his brothers but also could copy their fighting skills.

Regardless of this minor mystery, it had also confirmed his suspicion of the Foot ninja’s recent positive spike in their fighting skills and the familiarity of their moves. It seemed like Karai hadn’t found the courage to go against her master just yet.

Although that didn’t mean that she would stand by and let the people in Beijing die from what the Shredder had ordered his subordinates to do there. It also was a pleasant surprise when they found out that Professor Honeycut was still alive this whole time and was trying to contact Don through his palmtop. At least a backup of data of him, which had unfortunately reminded him that the real professor had died and he wouldn’t come back again.

(If he hadn’t hesitated, Donny wouldn’t have to live with the knowledge that the professor’s life had been snuffed out by his own hands.)

Now, he and his brothers were cramped inside the giant crate in the storage area of the Foot’s Blimp, waiting for the signal from Karai that wouldn’t come until a few hours later.

“Man, this sucks.” Mikey whispered a complaint. The bored tone of his voice was prominent in the mostly dark space.

“Don, can I use your shell-cell? Mine is almost dead already. Or I can use—”

“No. We need the professor for this mission, and that means reserving batteries, Mikey. And can you at least stop yourself for a bit because that shell-cell of yours has trackers—”

“—and it’s important when we get separated. Yeah, yeah. I get it,” Mikey said as he flapped open and closed his hands in imitation of a mouth. “Didn’t you put backup power in the cells because of that?”

Donny quietly grumbled. “I do, but that doesn’t mean it’s permission for you to abuse it.”

“Well—”

“Someone’s coming.”

The two fell silent at his warning. Leo looked through the cracks of the wood, seeing some Foot soldiers walking along outside. When the coast was clear again, he turned towards his youngest brother and said, “Mikey, I know that you don’t like to sit still for more than a minute, but please endure this one. You know the stakes.”

The energetic brother let out a small whine. “But Leeooo, we’re gonna be here for a while, and my butt is already starting to feel sore. I needed some kind of distraction so that I wouldn’t focus on that and how stuffy the air is in here with the four of us sitting together like this. Man, I hope this isn’t some kind of scenario from the comics where the writers force the characters together in a closed space to make them confess their feelings for—”

“What the hell kind of weird comics are you reading, Mikey?” Raph interrupted.

“The Justice Force.” Mikey immediately replied. “Although, it was an unofficial one that I bought thinking that it was the actual comic issue 137 before I knew that it didn’t exist (yet). This turned out to be a fan-made version of what that issue could be like before it actually got a continuation. It was fun even if the plot was a bit meh in my expert opinion.”

Then Raph grunted when Mikey somehow dramatically laid half of his upper body on top of his brother as he continued, “Like, dude. The way they have made Battling Bernice—the original one—act like she’s a stumbling mess of a character this whole time, which is like, bruh. I’ve seen how she is when she’s nervous, and she wouldn’t act like that at all. It’s a five out of ten for me because of that.”

“Five out of ten?” Leo quirked his non-eyebrow. “That’s a lot more generous than the three you gave to the newer issue of Silver Sentry’s official comics just recently. You had really enjoyed it until you didn’t. What went wrong there?”

Mikey paused. “You noticed?”

He couldn’t help but reply dryly, “Well, you have been shouting about it for a couple of days now, so of course I’ve noticed.”

His brother gave a sheepish chuckle. “Uhh, really? I didn’t think I was that loud. Look at Donny, he didn’t even stop from his work—”

“That’s because I learned to ignore unnecessary noises for my own sanity.”

“—and Raphie here is brooding like Nobody’s biggest fan and staring at his dummy without punching it at all.” Mikey continued like he wasn’t interrupted in the first place.

Raph crossed his arms as he said, “I don’t brood.”

“Yes, you are.” Mikey quickly fired back, shifting a bit so that he could look at the hotheaded brother. “What’s up with that, by the way?”

The red-masked brother was quiet for a moment, and then, “I won’t even consider telling ya if you don’t say why you just dropped yer favorite comic like that.”

“What? Just a consideration? That’s such a scam, dude.”

Raph let out a low growl. “Mikey…”

The energetic brother quickly did a gesture of surrender.

“Okay, okay, sheesh. Can’t let a turtle negotiate fairly, can you?”

At the warning tone of his big brother, Mikey quickly moved on.

“Well, it’s because of—”

He cut himself off and abruptly sat up, leaving Raph to grumble quietly to himself.

“Nope. I regret this line of conversation that had been started. Let’s just go back to all of us sitting quietly and boredly like we have no better business to do, which we really don’t.”

Leo saw Don shift closer to where Mikey was. “Now, I’m really curious. You can’t just end things like that without something to hide. So, what’s up, Mikey?”

Mikey looked around nervously, avoiding their curious eyes, which wasn’t a good sign at all.

Now, Raph also leaned towards his brother in anticipation.

Seeing the expectant gazes, Mikey gulped. “Umm…”

When Leo felt the tingling sensation on his left shoulder, he immediately knew what was going on.

“This is about that incident under the Volpehart building in Wall Street, isn’t it?” He broke the news gently. Mikey’s silence was all the confirmation that they needed.

Everyone grew tense at that.

Leo sighed tiredly as he leaned his head onto the wall, looking up at the ceiling under the dim light.

Nobody had brought this incident up after they got home. Even after Don’s panicking episode, all they could do was be there for the purple-masked brother, more than occasionally helping out with his projects, and give him a few snacks here and there. Everybody didn’t ask Don about what was weighing on him when that meant that they themselves were going to have to admit what they all individually had gone through under that basement.

Leo didn’t want to talk about it when all of it was just so… raw.

But… if admitting was what was going to make his brothers talk about what had been bothering them—if it meant that he could finally help…

Well, it wasn’t that much of a choice now in hindsight, was it? Better to get going then.

Still facing the ceiling, he took a deep breath to quell his rapidly beating heart and bluntly said, “I killed our father.”

There was a shocked silence.

Before anyone could even utter a word, he pushed on. “I ‘woke up’ inside the pot multiple times by Master Splinter, who had torn through the protection with his cane and freed me. The first time that happened, I didn’t question how he had found me so fast. His explanation was sound enough, and then the red creature attacked.”

He clenched his fists as he bowed down his head. He took a shaky breath.

“Sensei died right in front of me. Crushed by those red tentacles, and I can’t do anything about it.”

He let out a weak laugh.

“I tried everything I could to save him that I didn’t notice that the creature hadn’t attacked at all. All I could think of was that father died. He died. I asked myself what was going to happen from now on. How do I break this news to you all? Is our family going to be fractured without sensei’s guidance and care? Will our family become too broken to function again?”

“Then I woke up in that pot once more, and Master Splinter was there like nothing had happened.” He put his head in his hands.

“This time, I’ve noticed that something wasn’t right, and the creature caught onto that fact. Master Splinter attacked me when I wasn’t looking.”

There was a quiet ‘no…’ that came from one of his brothers, already knowing where this was heading.

“I have defended myself, trying to find a way to really wake up, but not before I…” He swallowed heavily and quietly finished, “…I stabbed him through the chest.”

He remembered throwing up in the toilet after the scrubbing of his hands didn’t do anything. He remembered trying to just get rid of this feeling of warm sticky liquid all over him by showering under the almost boiling water. He remembered the nightmares that constantly plagued him, and then he had to convince himself that it wasn’t real, it wasn’t real, it wasn’t real, Get A Grip Leonardo—

He couldn’t even let himself look at his father’s face without being reminded of how dead the eyes had been.

“Oh God, Leo,” Don said shakily. “Oh God. That’s… that’s…”

“Horrible.” Mikey finished, sounding devastated from what he had just heard. “God, I—I feel so silly now for trying to avoid talking about that place when Leo—”

He didn’t give his brother the chance to finish that damned sentence as he snapped his head towards his brother with a frown. “Pain is still pain, Michelangelo. No matter how shallow you think it is.”

“Fearless here is right, Mikey.” Raph joined in, voice hoarse from how much he was affected by all of this. The sai loving brother then closed his eyes, took his time to inhale a lungful of air, and then opened them again.

“I… I was in a cave, looking for you guys. Then I heard that fucking laugh.” Raph gritted his teeth.

“And lo and behold, the good ol’ Shred-head came from the shadows like it’s Tuesday and we fight.”

He looked at his hands.

“I was doing not that bad when it comes to fighting that guy, but then I was suddenly on the ground being choked to death. In my desperation, I managed to punch him in the head, and the helmet came off.” His brother squeezed his eyes shut as he clenched his fists.

“…it turned out that he was me all along.”

Everyone fell silent.

His mind raced. Was this how Raph was feeling all these times? That his brother was a monster?

On the same level with his thoughts, Mikey stated, “You’re not a monster, Raph.”

“Yeah.” Don agreed, putting a comforting hand onto his red-masked brother. “We know how hard you tried to restrain yourself when it comes to your anger, and we appreciate you for it even when things didn’t turn out great sometimes.”

Leo gave a smile towards his hot-headed brother even when his heart painfully squeezed under his chest. “You can be reckless too, but that didn’t mean that we don’t love you less, you got it?”

Raph stared at them for a long moment, searching their faces. When he hadn’t detected any lies going on, he slumped into himself.

“okay…”

When everyone was satisfied with that, Don claimed softly, “I think I’ll go next.”

After preparing himself, the genius brother began his story. “I was also in the cave tunnel, wandering around for the same reason. Then I saw Angel lingering in this place when we had told her to stay upstairs.”

His brother unhappily pursed his beak.

“I told her as much, and she just… laughed and ran away towards where the meteor is before we were captured. I followed her, worried that something bad might happen, and it did.”

He hugged himself and continued. “She was balancing on that very thin edge of the fire pit. I tried to coerce her to come back, but she didn’t listen, and then she fell.”

His voice was small when he said, “I wasn’t fast enough to save her.”

That explained the intensity back when they were training, but the panicking—

“Then I couldn’t help you guys when that monster dragged you away from me, begging me to save you all.”

Seeing his brother bowed his head in guilt and shame, something snapped inside him.

He almost growled when he said, “You’re not weak, Donatello. You’re Not Weak.”

His brother looked at him with a startled expression. “But I—”

“No.” God, what kind of nonsense had been implanted inside his brother’s head?

“You are strong. You may see yourself as not as physically gifted as much as us, but that didn’t change the fact that you are.”

He almost jabbed when he put his finger onto the other’s plastron.

“You saved yourself and Mikey when you two were falling from the TCRI building. You protected me in the Nexus when I was down. You had resisted the best you could to not give the professor’s location despite being threatened. That was all you.”

He crossed his arms. “So, don’t give me that bullshit, Donny.”

Mikey let out a scandalized gasp.

Despite being equally disturbed, Don still resisted. “But I lost the Battle Nexus on the first round—”

“I lost too, not soon after. Did you forget?”

“But you were poisoned—”

“I’m pretty sure that I would have lost regardless given how skilled Usagi is. You saw how he moved, Don. You have picked a fight with him despite that when you were trying to look out for me.”

“Yeah, but—”

“Leo’s right.” Raph chimed in. His gaze was intense when he said, “So, just shut up and accept that you’re strong, you brainiac, for shell’s sake. We don’t need another Leo here in this family. One is already enough.”

Leo would let that comment slide this time.

“Do what the big bros said, Don,” Mikey spoke after going quiet for a bit. “I don’t think they will stop until you do. Including me.”

Seeing that he was outnumbered, Donney sighed in defeat. They had finally won the battle.

“Okay.” Mikey whisper-shouted. They still needed to stay on the low profile despite this whole conversation they were having.

“Okay.” Mikey repeated, nervously rubbing his hands together. “My turn.”

Then his brother stared at the far wall, looking like he might be able to get the courage to start from it. When that didn’t seem to be helping much, he turned back as he rubbed his neck.

“Uh… so…”

His brother exhaled through his teeth.

“Okay, I woke up in the tunnel—same reason. Shouting for you guys and all that, and Leo—the fake Leo—responded back. I turned around and saw you creepily hiding in the shadows with half of your body covered by the cave walls.”

“I asked, ‘What happened?’ and then you said in a weird, soothing voice, ‘The creature got us,’ blah blah, and then said, ‘It was merciful.’” Mikey shot him a disbelief look—which hurt a bit—before his brother remembered that Leo hadn’t really done that and gave him a sheepishly apologetic “sorry” as he continued.

“Your fake self had accepted the offer to join it, and then you attacked me with your left arm that was turned into red octopus tentacles—which, ew, by the way—and you beat the crap out of me.”

He put his hand down as he finished, “I was terrified. I don’t know what to do because you’re the leader and the one who’s always been there for us. I thought that we were doomed now because you’re with that creature.”

He ducked his head guiltily. “I… it reminded me of that time when you almost joined the Foot.”

Leo felt his heart drop.

Mikey quickly continued. “After Master Splinter had told us about who the Shredder is, I was confident that you wouldn’t join for real, but I just…”

He gripped onto his knees.

“I’m scared, you know? I’m scared that… That might not be the case next time.”

Leo closed his eyes as he absorbed the information that his orange-masked brother had just presented. God, he really made his family worried from his stupid decision, didn’t he? It really said a lot about him that he had made the possibility of his wavering resolve become a real fear for one of his family members when they shouldn’t even think about it.

He was such an idiot.

“Come here, Mikey.” He gently called out. When Mikey scooted closer a moment later, he said, “Give me your hand.”

After hesitating for a bit, his youngest complied. With his brother’s palm on top of his own, he guided the other onto his left arm.

“See? No, tentacles. Just the regular green mutant hands with three fingers.”

His brother patted around the limb like it was the first time he had touched someone else before. Leo really should’ve done that the moment he had noticed the staring. He really should’ve done a lot of things when Mikey asked for a hug and the others joined in. But that was for later to think about when he had to focus on helping his brothers and the upcoming mission that they still had to do.

They were all hugging in this confined space when Mikey interrupted. “I want to pee.”

The rest groaned, and Raph asked, “Ya didn’t go to the bathroom when we told you to, did ya?”

“Eheheh, oops.”

Raph sighed almost violently.

Yeah, definitely for him to agonize over his past actions later.

--xx---xxx--[4]--xxx---xx--

He was left speechless, staring at his purple-masked brother in front of him in horror.

The possibility of that kind of bleak dystopian future looming over them was… was…

He had caught a glimpse of it before, but he would’ve never guessed it could be that bad.

And his brother had just experienced that future: the future where Master Splinter died, the Shredder took over the world, and the bond of the family had been shaken to the point that the remaining members were independent from each other, with that version of Don nowhere to be seen for thirty years.

Then his brother had witnessed the death of their older selves when they made the final attempt of rebellion.

Why did this keep happening to his family?

He felt distant as he looked at the absolutely wrecked expression that his brother was currently bearing. He had never seen a look like that from any of his family before. Sure, he hadn’t seen how Donny had looked when he was in a brief coma from what the Shredder had done to him or when his brother was defending him in the Nexus. The one he had seen when his brother was forced to help the professor with his suicide was nothing compared to what Don was showing now.

He was also pretty sure that the ones he hadn’t witnessed were nothing compared to this.

Oh, his brother was whimpering.

He needed to help him. He didn’t know how, but he needed to help him.

Leo took a few steps forward and sat down in front of his brother. Then, he gently wiped some of the tears flowing down his brother’s face and embraced him in a firm hug.

“We’re here.” He whispered. “We’re still alive, Donny.”

His brother grasped desperately onto him as he hiccupped and stuttered, “B-but th-hat wouldn’t b-be true f-for long, Leo.” A hinged breath as he brokenly repeated, “w-wouldn’t b-be t-true for—” a hic “l-long.”

He felt his heart break at that.

“It’s not your fault,” he said, hoping that it could go through to his brother. “It’s not your fault.”

He felt his brother shake his head.

“But it is.” His brother said miserably. “But it is.”

He tightened his hold around him, wishing that he could do something to make this situation better. Just anything.

Please.

“I’m gonna kill em’.”

He snapped his eyes open and looked towards Raph. His brother's expression was contorted into an ugly dark snarl. Veins could be seen popping out on his white-knuckled fists from how hard they were being clenched.

“I’m gonna kill that kid.”

“Raphael!” Their father barked sharply from where he was lying on the couch. His father’s face then twisted in pain from the injuries from the torture that he had experienced as he sat fully up with the careful but frantic help from April beside him.

Mikey was sitting on the floor next to them, looking between Raph and their father with wide, startled eyes.

Grabbing the wooden cane leaning on the couch, Master Splinter pointed it towards his brother. “You will not go after the Daimyo’s son.”

Raph let out an angry growl.

“Screw the Daimyo! That fucking kid will pay for what he has done ta ya and Donny!!”

Before anyone could say anything, his brother immediately stormed towards the door of the farmhouse. His brother would have succeeded if not for Casey stopping him by shoulder locking him through the armpits.

“Let go of me, Casey! I’m gonna kill em’!! I’m gonna kill em’!! I’m gonna—”

Casey grunted as he said in urgency, “Stop! You’re just gonna make things worse! I don’t know who the kid is, but you have told me to not go too far with my revenge before I get myself into big trouble!!”

Raph doubled his struggle as he let out a frustrated yell. “It was a different situation, Casey! Your father didn’t go through what my family just did! So, let. me. GO!!”

Casey’s voice was strained when he replied with a firm, “No.”

His brother screamed as he began to retaliate against his captor with renewed vigor, desperate to go after the assailant that had started all of this mess. Amidst this whole thing, Leo spotted movement from the corner of his eyes.

Mikey hesitantly and slowly walked towards the two, lifting his hand up like he was trying to reach out.

“Bro—”

Then there was a crack.

Time had slowed down inside the living room as Leo saw Raph’s face gradually shift from absolute rage to one of pure shock as the other saw his best friend fall to the ground with a pained noise.

Everybody froze.

It wasn’t until April’s shout that time had resumed once more.

“Casey!”

And there was chaos.

April had immediately moved from all the way across the room and knelt beside Casey to check if the big oaf was okay. Leo followed not soon after, but not before giving Don a pained, apologetic smile with a comforting squeeze, which had been equally returned back in understanding that made his heart feel like it had been stabbed.

When he arrived, he checked Casey’s jaw, which was now starting to swell a bit. Likely cracked, given the sound. Thankfully, it seemed like a minor one with how there seemed to be no issue for the other in movement when he groaned out. The alignment between the upper teeth and the lower one also looked pretty normal, and there was no bleeding. Good, no hospital visit needed. Or Leatherhead, given his upbringing with the Utroms and their biology-based technology.

“April, can you get an ice pack?”

The redhead managed to nod sharply despite being shaken.

“Is he going to need surgery?”

Leo shook his head. “No, aside from him going to have some trouble chewing, he’s fine for the most part.”

The other nodded once more, and then she was gone to the kitchen.

He turned back towards the man on the ground and gave the other a gentle pat on the good side of his cheek.

“Hey, Casey. Are you fine to sit up?”

The man gave a thumbs up after he managed to get past his daze. While Leo was helping the other, Raph went down on his knees beside them with a thud.

With a devastated look, his brother said, “Casey, I’m—I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean ta hit ya—”

The man waved his hand in front of him. “I know. You don’t need ta apologize.”

His brother's face twisted in anguish.

“But I hurt ya.”

“We hurt each other all the time, and this is nothing but a scratch. Leo said so.” He would have demonstrated if not for a stern glare that the leader gave him. The idiot here would definitely do something stupid otherwise and might accidentally make his jaw worse. They didn’t need that right now. Especially when his brother was close to breaking under the weight of his own guilt.

“This is different.” Raph whispered, almost aggressive in its nature. “This is different.”

Casey shook his head.

“No, it isn’t. Remember how we met the first time? I’ve hurt you too.”

“You didn’t actually hurt me.” His brother immediately shot back.

Casey threw his arms in the air.

“Well, you’re a freaking mutant! You guys have more durability and strength than the rest of us normal humans! You didn’t even hiss in pain that much when I tried to twist your leg with my puck back then! Your freaking metabol-whatsit is a lot more efficient too; that makes you heal a lot faster than I do!”

“I’m surprised that you listened at all. Let alone understood the explanation,” Donny said, sounding slightly better.

Casey scoffed. “What do you take me for? An idiot?”

Everyone immediately let out various ‘uh-s,’ ‘um-s,’ and ‘well actually…’

Casey groaned.

“Oh, come on. I’m not that bad.” Then he hissed in shock when April pressed a package of ice onto his jaw.

“Yes, you are,” April responded unimpressed. “I still haven’t forgiven you for trying to ambush me in my alleyway like a psychopath.”

“I said I was sorry, okay?!”

“Sure, you are, Arnold Jones.”

Casey winced.

Mikey sniggered.

“Casey, I—um. Are we good?” Raph asked nervously. The grip on the Sais situated on his belt would seem like a threat if they didn’t know him better, but they did, so Casey just took out his fist and bumped it on the other’s shoulder with a small grin.

“We’re good.”

The atmosphere in the room instantly felt lighter with some actual sighs of relief. Things weren’t as great as they should be, but this was a small start. It had to be because he wouldn’t know what to do if it wasn’t.

He glanced at Donny.

He wasn’t even sure that there was even anything that he could do to make things better at this point.

--xx---xxx--[5]--xxx---xx--

Everyone had collectively gone to their respective rooms after a stressful day.

The revelation of their possible future, the fight, and the forced dimension hopping—all of that had been exhausting both physically and mentally. With the latter occurring twice, which had been unwarranted for the most part. The first time, while disastrous, mainly happened through accident by the time mistress, Renet, while the latter was intended for revenge by the ultimate Drako: the fusion between that red dragon who had tried to assassinate their sensei three years ago and that challenger, Ue, who then later turned into his younger self once more without any memory when he was still an adult. Which made this whole situation much more complicated than it already was.

Leo had just walked out of one of the bedrooms after Don fell into a dreamless sleep with Klunk, the orange cat that Mikey had found a few months ago on Christmas, sleeping in his arms. Raph was beside his brother already snoring and wrapping around him protectively like he was trying to shield the other from such a cruel world. If only it could be that easy. If only.

He was checking for Mikey, who had gone to grab some glasses of water for Don just a few minutes ago. Leo decided to follow after him when the youngest hadn’t come back as soon as he could. While it was true that Mikey could get distracted when he was supposed to focus on one task, this was not the kind of situation that his brother would even allow for that kind of thing.

When he was about to go downstairs, he heard low muffled voices coming out from the room nearby that Master Splinter was currently occupying.

He switched his direction and silently came closer to the door.

“—ngelo, what seemed to be the matter, my son?”

There was a pause for a moment before he heard his brother start to talk.

“Um, I—um.”

A deep breath.

“AreyougoingtoturnevilandgoingtodestroytheworldliketheSplinterfromthedimensionwheremeandmybrosaresuperheros?”

Leo blinked. Come again?

“Come again?” His father unknowingly echoed.

He heard Mikey splutter.

“I—um, I mean—” Another pause.

Then in a small voice, his brother repeated, “Are you ever going to become evil and destroy the world?”

He felt his lungs stop working.

Oh please, not Mikey too. They all had been through so much already. Please spare another brother from this. Please.

“I—my son? Is… is this from the dimension that you have been through?”

An audible glub. “Yeah…”

There was the rustling of fabric, and he heard his father say, “Come, my son…”

It was time for him to retreat.

He silently moved through the second floor. The place was dark with only the occasional moonlight as the source that came through windows to act as a guide. He stopped by one of them and caught a glimpse of little specks of stars that were slowly being covered by dark and heavy clouds outside.

It seemed like it was going to be raining soon.

Just like that morning.

His mind briefly flashed back to the exhaustion, the heavy rain that obscured many things, the fear for the loved ones, the desperation to get away and hide, and the utter dread when he caught that pair of red eyes…

He opened the window.

But first, “Leo?”

He inclined his head to show that he was listening but didn’t turn around.

“Are… you going to go out?” asked April. There was a worried tone hidden deep inside her voice. Of course she was worried. The last time he had gone out alone when they were staying topside didn’t go so well, even if she hadn’t been the one to see him leave.

“Just a few blocks away from the barn. Near where the living local legend and her children are residing.”

He then gave the woman an apologetic smile.

“Sorry, my muscles around my old injuries are starting to get a bit cramped, and carrying new ones right now is not helping in that department.” Which was a lie, but she didn’t need to know that. “I could stretch here, but I’m afraid that it’ll be a bit too big of a challenge to stay quiet amongst paranoid ninjas, don’t you think?”

She reluctantly gave him a small snort.

“You? Avoiding challenges? What kind of world are we living in right now?”

He smirked. “Where Casey Jones being reasonable for once?”

She laughed softly at that.

“True.” She agreed fondly.

His smile turned gentle as he said, “Hey, can you tell Mikey where I’m heading? I don’t want him to go frantic looking for me for ‘disappearing’ and wake the whole house up in the process.”

She nodded but said, “He’s gonna worry regardless, you know?”

“Yeah,” he sighed. “I know.”

“I’ll let him know.”

“Thanks.”

He took off.

He moved through the trees, swinging and jumping off from the thick and sturdy branches on feather-light feet. The night was young with the sound of the creatures hidden in the dark accompanying the ambiance of the woods. The wind came rushing through, hitting his eardrums in a whooshing sound, alternating between gentle and strong as it responded to his changing momentum.

After the final jump, he went down on the ground, leaving little to no disturbance to the small clearing that he had just arrived to. And near where the green creatures were, as promised.

Calmly, he took out his katanas from his back, not having taken them off this whole time despite currently being maskless.

Then, he started his kata. At first, it was slow and methodical. He moved through each sequence carefully to let his sore muscles become used to the familiar motion once more as compensation for not doing the usual stretching in the beginning. He moved. And moved. And moved.

Gradually, each swipe became quicker and quicker and quicker. Each strike became more and more aggressive along the way: stronger.

It wasn’t long before the kata had lost its grip on him.

Leo swung his blades around wildly, too angry to care if his forms were correct or not. Too angry to care when he couldn’t shake off this constant feeling of helplessness that had been eating away at him the moment he had used the Daimyo’s war staff to get his brothers back.

Trying to get his brothers back.

He let out a cry as he left multiple gashes on one of the tree trunks, not caring how the action strained at his recovering injuries. That was nothing compared to the pain his family had gone through. To see how weak his father looked lying on that couch, recovering from the torture that he had gone through under that castle. To hear how fragile Mikey had sounded when his brother asked that question to their father behind that door. To felt Don clung to him for any resemblance of hope that what he had experienced was just a nightmare, but knew that it wasn’t. To the desperation Raph had exhibited just to somehow alleviate some of his brother’s pain, but then had done something that the other had regretted so much.

His injuries were nothing compared to all of that.

He felt his lungs burn as an angry roar ripped through his mouth as he slashed through the grass, the air, and then at the rain when it began falling down on him from droplets to a steady pour.

He cut and he cut and he cut. But the rain was unrelenting in its attack as it grew stronger and stronger and stronger—

He looked at the dark looming figure on top of the taller building as he heard a menacing laugh that had torn at his defenses, exposing his fear to the outside world like water violently rushing from a dam that had been broken apart from an earthquake.

He struck at anything that came in his way. The wind, the dirt, the sound of thunder—

He was robbed of his voice when he saw the emptiness in his father’s gaze despite his words.

“Come,” his father said. “We have avenged my Master Yoshi.”

Then that emptiness became physical the moment all of that red came gushing out through the space between his katanas and his father’s chest as Leo stared as the light slowly left his father’s eyes—

He swung across the clearing, trying to defend himself from something—

He struggled between the leftover effect of the shock and the restraints around his body as he watched the spinning saw slowly approach his youngest in horror.

He needed to—to—

“And lo and behold, the good ol’ Shred-head came from the shadows like it’s Tuesday and we fight.”

“…it turned out that he was me all along.”

“—You don’t need to apologize.”

His brother's face twisted in anguish.

“But I hurt ya.”

“—I’m angry at ma ’self”

“I hate him. God, I hate him so much.”

He needed—

“You’re a monster, Leo. A monster.”

He watched the Triceraton in shock as the other dragged the Shredder away and towards the burning inferno behind them.

“Sirs, tell them: Zog fought freely.” The other said in pride. Blood could be seen trickling down his chin. “For his comrades. For the republic! For VICTORY!!”

…What a friend he was.

He—

“Then I—I, I let them to their doom.” Don said miserably. Pain and extreme guilt were visibly eating away at his brother.

“They had already gone through so much, and it showed in how weary they were when I met them.”

His brother took a shuddering breath.

“And—and yet, they didn’t even get the chance to see the Shredder die. They didn’t g—get to—get to—”

His brother sobbed heavily.

“I wished my future self didn’t disappear in the first place!!” His brothers screamed.

“I wish I was there the whole time so that none of that could have happened in the first place!”

…

“Are you ever going to become evil and destroy the world?”

He let out a final cry as he stabbed onto the ground with all of his might.

His brothers didn’t need the reminders.

He stumbled back as he looked at the dark and cloudy sky of the night, breathing heavily. Rain was falling down hard as it slapped across his entire body, streaming down his bare face and soaking him and his bandages to the bone.

God, his brothers didn’t need the reminders.

He dropped down on his knees.

Raph didn’t need to be reminded of his absolute fear that he was a monster towards anyone when he wasn’t. When all his brother was doing was just hurting so much from how much he cared.

Mikey didn’t need his faith in the people he had relied on for so long to guide him to be shaken again. Not just towards Leo but towards Master Splinter. It didn’t help that Leo’s possible future self might have left behind Mikey to defend himself all alone in a dystopia.

Don didn’t need to be traumatized and be reminded of how much the entire family had relied on his brain. Don didn’t need to be reminded of how helpless they could be without him, to the point that it could possibly be one of the biggest blows for the reason for those older versions of themselves to be so scattered. His brother didn’t need to know.

God, they all had tried to catch up as best as they could with the genius brother, but he was always just so far away. Leo had been so glad that his brother finally had April to bounce ideas off of. He had been so glad that his brother wasn’t alone anymore and that some of his burdens had been finally alleviated. Leatherhead coming into their lives was also a thing that he was also so, so grateful for that he just wanted to cry out to the whole city in pure, absolute relief. Hiding be damned.

His brothers didn’t need the reminders.

Leo slumped forward, suddenly being drained of all of his energy.

God, his brothers certainly didn’t need the reminders.

He curled onto himself as he fully sobbed for the first time in his life. For the pain inside him, for the anguish that his family had gone through, for everything that he wished hadn’t happened in the first place.

Oh, how desperately he wished for things that weren’t possible anymore.

Oh, how desperately he wished.

But the crying thunder didn’t care beyond its own pain, so all he could do was just weep and weep and weep because that was all he could do.

The only thing that he could do.

Chapter Text

He stared quietly at Master Splinter sleeping on the futon.

They had just come back from one of Bishop’s horrifying labs, managing to rescue their father from a fate worse than death. Leatherhead had been a huge help because he wouldn’t know that he and his brothers would be alive right now to do the rescuing in the first place. Honestly, he even wasn’t sure that they would have found the secret lab as quickly as they did if not for both the croc and the professor in his new robot body helping Don.

There were just so many close calls today.

He grabbed the wet cloth from the water-filled bucket beside him and squeezed as much moisture out as he could and then gently draped it over his father’s furry forehead.

Master Splinter was running a fever. Donny and Leatherhead had theorized that it was because of the slight shock in his system when they took him out immediately after he had just been submerged in that liquid from the tank. When the resident scientists assured him that nothing complicated was going on, Leo had taken over with the care instead.

Usually, it was Master Splinter who did the caring, stitching and bandaging them up, making traditional medicine when they got sick, and so forth. Don, while brilliant, was not the ‘doctor’ of the family. He was more of an expert in finding solutions when it came to the chemicals that existed within medicine or whatever objects or substances. So, his brother was usually the one they came to when they didn’t know or trust the pills that they had brought.

Sure, everybody knew how to do first aid, but when it came to firsthand field experience? Master Splinter and he were the ones who did the job. Though, Don was not that far behind considering his recent studies.

(He hated the fact that it was because of him that his brother felt the need to burden himself more.)

However, if their injuries were bad enough to need a hospital visit, Leatherhead was right there. They were really lucky to have the croc as a friend before anything worse had happened yet.

He felt a pang of guilt.

He shook it off as he checked his father’s pulse. It was a bit too fast for his liking, but nothing serious. Good enough.

He gathered the glass of empty water and silently went out of his father’s room.

His brothers were sitting on the edge of the platform waiting for him. Leatherhead and the professor had already gone back to the old train station to repair the latter’s body from its recent damage and to further fine-tune the workings of the robot. April and Casey were busy with their own respective jobs but had promised to come when they were done.

Having heard the sliding of the door, his brothers turned around.

“Is he okay?” Mikey asked.

Leo nodded.

“Yeah, he just needs some rest. Please be quiet when you go in.”

“Got’cha.” His brother turned around towards the disgruntled Raph, handed Klunk over to him, and went inside without making any noise.

He looked at the remaining two and inquired, “What about you guys?”

Raph snapped out of his intense staring contest with the cat to look at him. “Nah, I’m good. Mikey being in there is already more than enough ta disturb Master Splinter if he isn’t careful. I don’t want to add ta that.”

“Don?”

Don shook his head; his beak was already formed into a thin line that might have come from the effort to not grimace in the first place.

“I’m with Raph. I just…” His brother wavered. Leo saw the other’s fingers twitch like they wanted to hold onto something but then settled to clenching them instead.

“I… just don’t want to see him like that,” Don said in a quieter voice. “I know it’s selfi—” The combination of Leo’s disapproving frown and Raph’s heated glare made his brother skip that word.

“Uh, um. Sorry, it—it just reminded me of—”

His brother cut himself off, visibly grimacing this time. A heavy silence enveloped the three of them; none dared to break the tension that had just settled in the air, aside from a few demanding meows coming from Klunk, urging Raph to pet her.

Leo looked at Donny, the strain around the muscles, and the eyes that had a haunted look to them, and immediately knew that it was about that future.

His brother had told them that Master Splinter had died there, hadn’t he?

God, why didn’t he realize it sooner? Of course, it was about that future. It was always about that future. Since his brother came back, Donny had changed a lot. The way his brother looked at food like they were something sacred or scarce again, like they all did when they were younger. The obsession with his research and projects had reached the point that, when Mikey and Raph attempted to distract him, he snapped at them, which he immediately regretted and apologized for in guilt. Leo even had to knock him out just so that his brother could rest.

“Do you want something to eat?” He asked in lieu of breaking the ice.

His brother hesitated, and then, “A toasted bread with jam. I’m craving a little sugar after all of the Bishop-related business.”

Don rubbed on his plastron where his stomach would be and then mumbled to himself, “Man, I’m starting to sound like Mikey.” He shook his head and continued aloud, “I can do it myself, but…”

But his brother didn’t want to stay far, which went for everyone, really.

So, he just nodded and asked Raph, “What about you?”

“Anything’s fine,” his brother answered as he tried to dodge the grabby paws that were trying to play with the tail of his red mask. With a scowl, he ordered the cat, “Stop that.”

Amused by the sight, Leo suggested, “Then, what about a simple rice with fish soup?”

His brother grunted. “Is it your time to cook?”

“No, it’s Mikey’s, but well…”

“Oh, yeah. Okay. I don’t think I want to eat scrambled eggs again despite how good he can make them.” Holding the paw and effectively managing to stop the furry assault, his brother turned towards Don and asked, “Want me to get ya some things from your lab?”

The lab in question was an old subway car with a missing ceiling that was situated a few feet away. They had managed to bring it in here after some… unconventional methods had been deployed. Mainly involving the usage of tiny bombs because getting their hands on good long trunks was a very hard task. Without suspicion, anyway.

Donny blinked. “Um, just the AC? I don’t think I can concentrate on anything more complicated right now.”

Raph nodded, handed Klunk over to Don, and went to his respective task. After giving a gentle squeeze on the genius’s shoulder and a pat to the cat, Leo also went to the kitchen.

After he handed the food to the two brothers and Mikey, who had joined them amidst the preparation, he informed them of where he was going and went to the forge that also acted as the workshop for most of their vehicles. The place mainly belonged to him, but Raph and Donny could sometimes be seen around this place repairing or adding new gadgets to the vehicles. Or frequently requesting from him to make certain things in the case for Don. Casey occasionally joined in after a lot of explicit warnings not to mess with the things around here, or there would be consequences.

He looked at the equipment in front of him. What weapons needed to be repaired? Or restock? Their main weapons were in good condition, and that went for the backups. The kunais? He didn’t think there was anything to add, mainly because the small knives in question were very rarely used. What about the shurikens? While on the same boat as the kunais, it wouldn’t hurt to make more of them.

He gathered the metals from their designated place—it seemed there would be another trip to the junkyard—and began to heat up the furnace. As he started to hammer on the red-hot iron, he began to think of things that he had been putting off for a while now.

Master Splinter was getting weaker.

He didn’t want to entertain the thought the moment it had formed when he saw his father leaning weakly against the building from his injuries before the Utroms had taken his father to heal. Then the incident in that basement had forcibly brought it to the forefront, and there was no choice but to think about it ever since.

Clang!

If their father was getting weaker and weaker, then that meant that he had to step up and take on the mantle as the ‘head’ of the household.

Clang!

Which wasn’t that much of a leap now that he thought about it. He was already basically doing all of the tasks, such as deciding when to patrol, making plans and arrangements if needed with which location to scavenge—

Clang!

—budgeting and managing the finances from selling some of Donney’s inventions through the internet and then with April, who had insisted on paying them for helping around her shop—

Clang!

And recently with how Master Splinter had been pushing him to be the one to train his brothers—

He stopped.

He stared at the glowing iron in front of him as he felt his heart begin to fill with dread.

Did his father know? Of course he did. It was his body after all.

Leo put down the tools and placed his head in his hands.

His father was getting old, and that meant that he would—he would—

…He would die soon.

God, Leo didn’t want to think about it—didn’t even want to entertain it, but he had to, now that it was staring him in the face. He thought about that day and how his father was before he disappeared. He thought about the torture that his father had gone through under the Ultimate Drako. He thought about how his father was currently lying sick in his room, sleeping. Resting.

He thought about what Don had said about that future—the future where Master Splinter had died. It turned out that that was the inevitable outcome sooner than one might like to think regardless of whether or not their sensei had sacrificed himself.

He breathed into his hands.

He thought that he had more time, but it turned out that wasn’t the case. He thought that Master Splinter would be here longer, but it turned out to be a naive hope. His brothers likely suspected it but weren’t conscious of that fact—or were too afraid to be conscious about it, especially Don. Oh god, Don. He knew he would have to break the news to him and the others eventually, but…

He just… he just needed some time to himself right now.

Time that was slowly running out day by day.

--xx---xxx--[1]--xxx---xx--

He stared at the back of the shell of his genius brother, who was tinkering away again, not caring for his own health despite the weariness that Leo could see pulling his brother down. At the same time, it was also futile to drag Don away from his work when his brother was like this.

He stepped inside the subway and put down a cup of hot chocolate on the table beside his brother with a deliberate clank.

Donny halted from his work to look at the object in distrust and asked, “It’s… not spiked, is it?”

Leo shook his head. “No, it’s just a normal one this time. It’s unhealthy to drug you again just so that you can sleep. I’ll even take a sip of it if it will make you feel any better.”

“No, thank you.” His brother took the cup, blew into it, and carefully took a drink. “Mm, it tastes good.”

“You can thank April for that. She went on a shopping spree to find this specific brand.” He tapped his chin. “It came from Italy, I believe. Although, I forgot the title. I’ll have to check it out again in the kitchen.”

His brother hummed.

Leo eyed the computer and found many complicated codes on the screen with various diagrams of their vehicles.

He regarded his brother and guessed, “Upgrading?”

Don nodded. “Yeah, I was thinking of adding a few new safety precautions, like a tracker that’s hard to hack into if you don’t know the password to it, for example.” Then his brother hesitated. “…You’re not going to tell me to go to sleep?”

“Would you be able to?”

“No.” Came the immediate reply. Then his brother guiltily said, “I—I know that I should, but I just—I just can’t.”

Leo inclined his head at the computer. “That’s why I’m here to help you out.”

His brother snapped his head towards him in surprise.

“Huh? But—but don’t you also need to sleep?”

He let out a tired smirk. “Yes.”

Then his smile turned gentle as he focused back at the computer.

“But it makes me feel better if I know you are not alone all night.”

His brother went silent.

He waited, and then, “So?”

“Okay, um. Okay.” His brother put the cup down beside him and pointed out the specific spot on the diagram. “I’ve been trying to modify this part, and I figure a fresh set of eyes might help—”

And they got to work. While Leo wouldn’t be that much of an assist when it came to advanced stuff like this, that didn’t mean he was completely clueless or useless, as he gave suggestions that his genius brother was too deep in his tunnel vision to realize.

After a while of messing with the computer, Don suddenly asked, “How did you do it?”

He paused from staring at the printed paper to look up at his brother. “Hm?”

His brother didn’t turn around from the screen as he asked once more. “How did you do it, Leo?”

He raised his non-eyebrow. “Do what?”

“The coping.” His brother clarified. “How do you cope with seeing Master Splinter like that despite—”

His brother took a deep breath.

“Despite telling us that you—” His brother shut his beak with a click, looking like he couldn’t let himself continue.

Leo searched his mind for what Donny was trying to say and came to the conclusion of, “…you want to know how I can still look at Master Splinter even after I stabbed him?”

His brother winced at the bluntness and ducked his head. “I didn’t even see him actually die in that future—only the grave, but I’m already having such a hard time staying in the same room with him when he’s unconscious and sick like that.”

His brother peered painfully at him from the shadows and asked again, “So, how did you do it?”

Leo put away the paper, lost in thought. It was true that seeing their father lying still in the futon reminded him of the dead eyes and the blood, but there was one thing that made him have the courage to take care of Master Splinter: “It helped me a lot to see sensei walking around every day and interacting with you guys, you know?”

Donny stared at him with a bit of uncertainty. “Really?”

“Yes.” At least, if one disregarded his recent realization of his father’s health because of old age. He still didn’t know when or how he would break this news to the rest of the family yet. This clearly wasn’t the right time to tell them anyway.

Acting like he wasn’t at all burdened by this conundrum, he leaned back onto the chair. “While it sucked to be reminded of that incident every time I look at him, seeing Master Splinter breathing and giving us lectures, or seeing him watching his favorite soap operas without fail, did help me come to terms with the fact right in front of me: that he is alive and well.”

He turned his gaze towards his brother. “It helped you too, didn’t it? Seeing us young and healthy without any weariness that showed off many countless, horrific experiences.”

His brother grimaced. “Yeah, but that’s different.”

Don looked down, clenching his fists. “What I saw could still happen—”

“Could,” he corrected. “Could, but it’s not guaranteed.”

His brother frowned at him. “How would you—”

He cut his brother off with a gentle shake of his head. “No, I don’t know, but I know one thing’s for sure.” He leaned closer to Don. “We’re not blaming you for it.”

His brother looked pained at that. “But I wasn’t there to help you guys.”

He nodded. “And that could be for many reasons, which don’t involve you running away from us. But,” he added when he saw Don was about to protest. “Even if you did, I’m pretty sure it’s for a good reason.”

Almost in desperation, his brother countered this point stubbornly. “But Mikey—future Mikey—blame me for being missing when I first met him!”

“Tell me, is his opinion still the same after the initial reaction? What about me and Raph? Did we act hostile towards you? April?”

“…no,” his brother reluctantly replied.

He gave his brother a satisfied smile. “There, see? Even if our future selves didn’t know what happened to you, we still don’t blame you for it. Got it?”

“Besides.” He gently cupped his brother’s cheeks. “How could I blame you when I see you so tormented by your experience?” He then removed the purple mask to reveal his brother’s baggy eyes underneath. He stared into his brother’s self-blaming gaze and stated, “Come on, let’s go see Master Splinter.”

His brother startled. “What? Right now? Isn’t he supposed to be sleeping?”

He let out a small amused huff. “…Well, he has been cooped up in his room for so long that he has a lot of pent-up energy and wanted to use that to catch up with his favorite series.” However, he wasn’t going to say that it was also because his father was worried when Don had been avoiding him for three days. Don didn’t need the guilt right now. Or ever.

“If you say so…” his brother said hesitantly.

“I know so.”

When Donny, after a bit of shy reluctance, reunited in the living area with Master Splinter and then settled in to watch the television together, he climbed up the fire escape stairs to the open second floor. As he was on his way to his room, he saw his remaining brothers leaning against the wall beside Mikey’s door, waiting for him.

“Did he finally get his shell out of his lab?” asked Raph.

He nodded. “Yeah. Though, it took a bit of time, as you can see.”

His hotheaded brother sighed in relief, which still managed to sound a little grouchy. “Thank God, I was beginning to get worried.”

“Only beginning to?” asked Mikey cheekily, hugging a lazy Kluck in his arms. “And here I was beginning to get worried that Mr. Prickly here is turning into a beautiful rose.”

“Shut it, Mikey. You know what I’m saying.”

The youngest brother snickered.

Leo shook his head and sighed. “Go to bed, guys.”

“Yes, Mom.”

--xx---xxx--[2]--xxx---xx--

He was lying down on his shell with his eyes wide open. He thought so anyway because it was dark whether or not his eyes stayed closed. He knew he was staring at the bottom of the top bed that belonged to Mikey. The same way he knew that Raph and Don were on a different bunk bed beside them, with their father’s room situated a few feet across from all of them.

He also knew that he should be sleeping right now—he was feeling tired after all—but he just…

Couldn’t.

He kept thinking back to what had happened earlier. Or didn’t happen depending on one’s view. His father had almost fallen into the raging artificial whirlpool of the sewer, hanging precariously by his clothing on the broken pipe that was slowly loosening its remaining grip on the wall.

Even after finding out that Master Splinter was never in danger in the first place, Leo just couldn’t shake away how his father had been so close to dying with (he had thought) no way to save himself. How terrified sensei had looked as his father stared helplessly at the water far, far below.

He remembered pushing through his fear of heights to ‘save’ his father and then finding out that the other had a grappling hook all these times…

When he asked why his father didn’t use that earlier, Master Splinter had explained that Leo wouldn’t overcome his fear otherwise.

He wouldn’t overcome his fear otherwise.

His father did that so Leo would overcome his fear.

So, he would overcome his fear.

Overcome his fear.

His fear.

His… weakness.

Even after the whole day of rest when they got back home, Leo still felt… distant.

He had managed to put it aside when his brothers had invited him to do the usual thing and play together, but now that everyone was asleep, it all just came rushing back.

He thought about how much Master Splinter had tried so hard to help him with his fear after finding out about it when sensei had deemed him suitable enough to come along to the upper levels of the sewer for the first time. For a few weeks after that until today, his father had been training him to balance out on bamboo sticks with a blindfold on. Then increasing the height of them each time without Leo noticing. At least, not until his father had told him to remove the cloth around his eyes and the inevitable happened and he fell down.

Leo had tried his best to follow Master Splinter’s wish. He really did, but it was just so terrifying to know how easy it was to just trip and well…

As he said, it was terrifying.

But he didn’t know that it was so dangerous to have a weakness like this. Dangerous enough that sensei had to make a scenario like today. A scenario where one wrong mistake could cause someone to die—

Leo froze.

What if that had been real and Master Splinter was actually going to die? What if Leo didn’t come to the rescue because of his weakness?

Then a more terrible thought slammed into him like he was hit by a dangerously speeding train.

What if that were to happen to his brothers?

He tightened his grip around his blanket as he began to shake in fear.

No no no no no. He couldn’t let that happen. He couldn’t let that happen. He couldn’t.

That was what Master Splinter had been afraid of, wasn’t it? To see one of his sons die like that. Was that why his father had been desperate to help Leo get rid of this weakness? Was that why his father had been training them this whole time? Not just because the surface was a dangerous place?

Then, Leo would train and train and train until this weakness disappeared forever so that his family would be safe. So that his family didn’t have to face death because of him. He would make sure of it.

He would make sure of it when he asked Master Splinter to teach him how to do field medical work, even while it fueled his nightmares about his family dying, which became more frequent and more graphic along the way. He would make sure of it when he had begged sensei to teach him about pressure points when he had found that out despite how terrified he was to mess it up. He would make sure of it when his father later chose him to be the leader, even if it made Raph angrier, and then avoid him for a while because of it.

He would make sure of it even when he didn’t understand why he was chosen in the first place—his brothers were much more qualified than him, in all honesty. All he knew was that that meant that his father was trusting him to protect his brothers when they inevitably went to the surface, to guide them when needed, to look out for them when needed, and to be there when needed. This level of trust being placed upon him filled him with immense pride but also scared him so deeply because that meant that he couldn’t mess up: he couldn’t allow any mistakes to take root. That meant that he would have to be better than his brothers so that he could do his job properly. That meant that he would have to be strong even when he felt like a breeze would easily knock him over.

To protect his brothers. To protect his family.

If that was the case, then he would gladly take this burden attached to the title of ‘Leadership.’ He would carry this weight even while he didn’t know how heavy it was going to be. He would carry it on even while he had to pretend that he was worthy of the title to let his brothers have the freedom to be themselves despite the world being against them. He would protect them so that they wouldn’t have to worry because it was his job to do so from now on.

He would protect them.

He would protect them.

…

……

………

…………

…He looked grimly at Master Splinter when the other had gathered them all up for a meeting. It seemed like that farewell dinner party that Ch’rell was going to host had more insidious things hiding underneath. Who would’ve guessed? Although, the question was, what was it?

After they called all of their friends together and planned to infiltrate the new headquarters of the Foot, they set off.

It turned out that the insidious thing was a starship.

A starship that the Shredder would soon ride to go to the Utroms’ home world to conquer it and then come back here to do the same.

Just like that future.

Everyone went tense as soon as Master Splinter explained why the Shredder was leaving Earth in the first place. The feeling of relief he had felt from the news of Karai going to take over the Foot had instantly disappeared, and the situation immediately turned from dangerous to one of extreme urgency.

The ship must be stopped no matter the cause.

It seemed like Bishop and his government agents agreed, although for entirely different reasons, he was sure.

He was about to go after the Elite Ninjas that were chasing after his brothers to stop them before he was halted by the voice of Karai. She had tried to reason with him to let her master go, saying that it was a good thing that the Shredder was leaving. He wasn’t sure that she knew what her master was going to do or was just in denial, but Leo wasn’t going to just let Ch’rell have his way now that he knew. He told her as much.

Maybe he would have agreed with her in that timeline, not knowing the consequence that would haunt them all later down the line. That could mean that, aside from Donny being sent in the future, Master Splinter didn’t get the vision for Ch’rell’s plan for the Utroms. Or the dystopia occurred from entirely different sets of events entirely.

Or they had failed this mission.

That made him immediately go after his brothers and leave her behind. There was no time nor luxury for his understanding towards the dark-haired woman’s plight to play out as it usually would anymore. That had run dry the moment he found out what the Shredder was up to.

…

It turned out to be a slight lie that he had told himself.

He grasped around his bleeding left shoulder that was heavily flowing out of him, covering almost half of his body in bright red color. His head was pounding nonstop after he had woken up from the blackout after Karai had accidentally stabbed him with his own katana when the Shredder had kicked him in the back. Extreme agonizing waves of pain were being sent constantly from it—especially from a part of his shell—towards the nerves and then to his brain like there was an iron rod made with a laser’s heat seared into it, melting it again and again in a never-ending loop.

Somewhere far behind him, there was a deafening banging of a heavy metal hitting against a heavier and more solid one, making his headache worsen in the process. He heard his brothers groaning nearby, indicating to him that they were still alive. Which meant that irritating sound came from the Shredder, who was somehow locked out of this room.

Locating the nearby blood vessels near the general area of the wound, he took a deep breath as he shakily put his finger on one of them, squeezing his eyes shut. He braced himself, mentally counted from five to one, and firmly put pressure on it. Pain immediately exploded out into a thousand suns, and he let out a pained, quiet gasp. Spots were dancing around his vision, almost making him vomit in the process. However, he didn’t give himself a chance to rest as he kept going, kept pressing from one area to another, directing the flow of the blood and the chi in his body with waves after waves of agony shocking his entire being. After what felt like an endless dance of constant suffering, he managed to temporarily stop most of the bleeding with a last painful wheeze.

He dropped his hand and panted heavily, drained of all of his remaining energy.

After a few seconds of respite, Leo forced himself up and grabbed onto the control machine for the power core of the spaceship that he didn’t remember passing out on the side of. Then he painstakingly lifted himself so that he was leaning on the object as he informed his family of his observations. He then looked behind him towards where they were and saw that his brothers were scattered across the floor, heavily injured—but breathing. However, Master Splinter was lying terrifyingly still, with the scent of burnt fur accompanying the air around them.

With great difficulty, he stood up with a grunt and dragged his heavy body across the floor towards where the blackened figure of his father was lying. Along the way, Donny had managed to crawl on one hand (the other one must be broken) his way towards Master Splinter. He asked about their father’s state, but before his brother could check, they heard him rasp out an apology.

An apology.

There was another pain joined in with his physical ones.

When he was close enough, Leo opened his beak, trying his best to keep the pain out of his voice, and said, “No, sensei. It’s our fault.”

He knelt down and shakily but gently moved his father’s head onto his lap with the good side of his arm, mindful of the other’s injuries even while he was already very weak from the blood loss himself.

He looked at the closed sliding door a few feet away from them all. It wouldn’t be long for the Shredder to come in here again. The clock was ticking fast with no means to fight back, especially when they were already struggling even in their best condition. Not to mention, they were flying in space.

His mind briefly flashed to the shrine he made for the turtle luck in his room. He certainly remembered that he didn’t forget to give it an offering every day.

He looked back down towards his father’s face and saw that some areas of the fur had completely burnt off, exposing the irritating red underneath, and continued, “We couldn’t stop him. We failed the Utroms, Master Yoshi—”

He took a deep breath. It was getting harder and harder to stay upright.

“We failed you.”

He closed his eyes tightly as he bowed down his head.

“I failed you.”

It was his job to protect his family, his job to lead them to successes and then come home safe and sound without any permanent scars—but he had failed at those too many times already. And now, he and his family were stuck here with nowhere to run. That future that had haunted Don so much would become real, and it would be Leo who was the one to doom them all under that tyrant because he had been too lax and stupid to do anything right.

He wished he had been more active in sabotaging Ch’rell’s operations. He wished he had done something to slow Karai down in the Shredder’s office when he had gotten the chance. He wished he. Had. Done. More.

“So, that’s it? Shredder wins?” Raph asked in disbelief to the back of his left. Pain was evident in his brother’s voice as Leo caught the other clutched around the middle of his plastron.

“It’s not like—” a grunt “—we’re in any shape to stop him.” Mikey stated from a few feet away, out of sight.

Everyone fell silent.

Leo tried to think of what they were going to do now. Despite his past failures, he still needed to lead. To plan for the best of outcomes no matter the situation. Although, not for the first time, he couldn’t think of anything to achieve that goal. When things like this happened in the past, it didn’t matter that he had made mistakes; there was just always something that worked out or could be used in their favor, and they would be able to get out relatively safe from the hole that had been dug—by themselves or by someone else. Their first meetings with Karai and the professor were the best proof of that.

It seemed like the fortune provided by turtle luck had run out this time. There was just no escape for them all. That door wouldn’t stay closed forever, and the Shredder would come in here again soon enough, and they all would be killed or worse—definitely worse.

His eyes roamed around the place, trying to find something that might help. Anything that could provide him with an idea, even just a little. Something that…

That…

He spotted Don’s palmtop lying on the floor some distance away that was currently housing the professor’s data. Then his mind latched onto the flowing sound of the power core behind him that was emanating a gentle blue light to the whole room.

He breathed out weakly as he realized. Oh.

So… it had come to this.

They had managed to trap themselves so completely that that was the only solution he could think of anymore. He was supposed to keep his family safe. He trained for it for his entire life, and this was the only choice that he was being presented with?

He wanted to laugh, but he had lost too much blood to even consider attempting that.

Turtle luck had really run out this time.

But…

He looked towards the double door once more. The banging had finally stopped, but that didn’t mean that Ch’rell had left.

If they really were going to do this, then it was their last chance to stop the Shredder for good. They all were going to die either way regardless, but at least this one…

This one would lead to saving billions of lives and possibly many more.

He had already failed at being a good leader for his family, but at least he wouldn’t fail at this.

Was this how the original professor had felt all those months ago? It was almost… liberating.

So, he let go of all of his worries: the guilt and the shame he had felt whenever he had failed his family. The times he had painstakingly agonized over each and every one of his mistakes so that he could be better next time. The nightmares that had haunted him whenever his family came close to experiencing something awful because of his fault.

He let it all go when he suggested what he had in mind to his family, calm in a way that he didn’t think was possible in this kind of scenario. He watched in some form of detachment as each of his family members came to the same conclusion one by one. And it wasn’t long before Don put the palmtop on the control for the power core, and the professor began the countdown after also realizing what was about to happen.

“Five.”

He looked at his family, one person at a time, and did his best to remember their faces when he wasn’t sure that he would be able to see them again.

“Four.”

He began to think of all of their times together, the good and the bad, the highs and the lows. He hoped that April, Casey, and Leatherhead could live on without them.

“Three.”

He stared at the blue energy in front of them, transfixed at how many hues there were in it, making it look ethereal in a way that might belong to the spiritual realm. He wondered if they were going to see that place soon.

“Two.”

There was the sound of sliding heavy metal, and he heard the Shredder shout in rage-inducing fear. All he did was just close his eyes in response.

“One.”

The world went white.

--xx---xxx--[3]--xxx---xx--

He stared at the stars outside the glass. Numb.

He and his family were in the spaceship that belonged to the Utroms and their version of the med bay. He was lying on his right on a bed, not having moved a muscle since he had been assigned here. He heard his brothers currently chatting, riding high on the energy of still being alive even while most of them were currently bedridden. Don being the only one who could move around without straining himself that much despite being the closest to the energy when it had exploded.

Right, the professor and the energy exploding, turtle luck running out, him deciding that protecting his family mattered less than sacrificing themselves for humanity—

If the Utroms hadn’t saved them in the last possible seconds, they all wouldn’t be here right now.

…They all wouldn’t be here right now.

Wouldn’t be here, breathing, talking, and—oh. Mikey was deliberately becoming more annoying in response to Raph being more grouchy than usual because of his broken ribs—then why wasn’t he feeling any better?

He stared and stared and stared at the endless void that was filled with countless white dots, feeling like he would get lost into it if the reinforced glass had been removed.

He should be feeling relief that his family was safe. He should be feeling happy that all had gone well in the end; that turtle luck really hadn’t run out. He should be celebrating that the explosion had destroyed the starship. Which meant that Ch’rell wouldn’t have the chance to enact his plans anymore despite not being quite dead and being currently locked away somewhere with Karai and that nerdy-looking guy that they had briefly encountered in Beijing who had been the one operating the star ship.

He should be feeling something positive—but he wasn’t. He wasn’t, and he couldn’t understand why. He couldn’t understand why he felt like there was no gravity to ground him even when he was lying on something solid. He couldn’t understand why he felt like there was just something to be vigilant for even when he knew that danger wasn’t there. He couldn’t understand why he felt this deep pit inside of him that kept reminding him that he had just done something horribly, horribly wrong.

He couldn’t understand why.

He just couldn’t understand Why.

So, he drifted. Like those meteors that he saw around Jupiter that they just passed by. He drifted despite his mind being startlingly clear, buzzing constantly inside his ear like a fly that Mikey couldn’t get rid of in that one incident. He drifted as he felt like he was experiencing the world outside of his body while simultaneously steering it and feeling through it. He drifted with this incessant sense that something was amiss, something was amiss, something was amiss, so just do sometHING ALREADY—

He might have talked to his family at one point, but he wasn’t sure. It wasn’t because he wasn’t present—oh, he was present alright—but because he felt like his brain wouldn’t even allow him to register the words properly if it weren’t dealing with that feeling of something was amiss.

He was temporarily relieved from this when Mr. Mortu came in here for something to discuss, even when that something made the pit inside him feel more pronounced than before.

“I apologize, for I know that you all are still recovering, but I wish to discuss an important matter with you regarding Ch’rell, if you wouldn’t mind.”

They all looked at each other, and after giving nods or thumbs up, Master Splinter, in all his glory of wisdom despite being quite the sight even after they all had been submerged in that healing pod, took the liberty to give a verbal answer.

“Of course, my friend. What would you like to discuss?”

Mr. Mortu’s already naturally wrinkled face hardened. The intensity in his big blue eyes made his alien nature stand out more than usual.

“About the crimes that he had enacted upon your family. You don’t have to go into details if you prefer—or at all. We are going to house an intergalactic trail that involved many planets, including the ones who were the victims of Ch’rell, and finally finish what we, the Utroms, were trying to do before we crashed in your home world many centuries ago.”

Immediately, Leo felt his family’s eyes upon him for being the one who had experienced Ch’rell’s cruelty the most out of all of them. He started to think about all of the time he and his family had suffered under the Shredder, the traumas they got from it alongside the nightmares. Then there was the recent incident…

The recent incident…

“I’m… not comfortable sharing our experiences, but just showing up as witnesses would be enough, correct?” He gestured to their current bandaged state, ignoring the feeling of that wouldn’t happen because of you. That wouldn’t happen because of you. You caused this.

Mortu nodded.

“It isn’t required for you all to participate or testify, as we already have plenty of incriminating evidence regarding Ch’rell, but it’ll help.”

Leo looked towards his family. “What do you guys think? Although, Raph—”

“No, I’m not fu—freaking going to use a wheelchair, alien version or not. To shell with that!”

Leo frowned at his brother.

“Raph, I know that you hate it, but you still want to show up, don’t you?” He almost crossed his arms until the sharp pain made him remember that, right, he was currently injured.

(Because he had failed.)

So, instead, he continued, “I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to just walk around like this.”

His brother gritted his teeth, knowing that he was right but was too stubborn to admit it.

“What about a compromise?” Don suggested, shifting his casted right arm that was slung from his shoulder with a bit of a wince. Then his brother grabbed his pillow with the good arm and carefully threw it towards Mikey on the other side before the orange-masked brother could even let out a single syllable.

There was a muffled, “Hey!”

Which Donny ignored and continued, “Like, what about just using it until we reach where the trail will take place?”

Leo agreed. “I still feel like it’s a bad idea, but we don’t need you hurting yourself further. You can even get off before anyone could see you in the wheelchair. Is that okay with you?”

They had been calling it a wheelchair when it was more of a hoverchair than anything else. Similar to what Mr. Mortu was currently riding but bigger, and one could lean on it. The rider could also control it on their own, which made things a lot easier. While they did have that kind of thing—minus the hovering—back on Earth, it could still be pretty limited. Like, Leo was pretty sure that one cannot easily adjust the angle of the backrest of a wheelchair like the front seats of a car. Yet.

Raph flattened his beak, not pleased at all, but reluctantly nodded.

There was some shifting coming from Mikey’s bed, and Leo looked towards his brother.

“Don’t worry, Raphie.” The energetic brother said with a grin, adjusting Don’s pillow so that he could hug it instead. Mikey then tapped lightly on one of his casted legs.

“You’re not alone in your wheelchair club! Heck! I even have my very own personal custom-made crutches to lean onto! So, don’t feel so lonely, Ra-Phie-Booy~!”

Then his brother wiggled his non-eyebrows with a glint in his eyes. “I would even ask Master Splinter to make you my not-yet-made homemade pink alien dress—”

Raph groaned into his bedsheets.

Mikey cackled, having the time of his life. At least, someone was having fun after…

After…

Leo shook his head, both in exasperation and distraction, and turned towards his father.

“What about you, Master Splinter?”

His father was sitting on the bed with many bandages wrapped around him, reminding him of a… a…

There was a brief flash of blood, the dead eyes after saying, ‘What have you done, Leonardo?’, the realization that his father was getting weaker, his father’s still figure on the couch, his father’s unconscious form in the first orange pod, and then lying burnt in the distance under the soft blue light—

Focus, Leo. Focus.

His father took a bit of time to himself as he closed his eyes. Then his father looked towards Mr. Mortu and answered, “While I am not as keen to share our side of the story as my sons, I would also like to come as a witness as well.”

Which reminded him of—

“What about Professor Honeycutt?”

“I’ve been wondering about him actually.” Don joined in.

“Me too,” Mikey added while Raph just grunted from his sheets.

Mr. Mortu blinked as his expression turned less intense.

“Ah, his body is still being developed alongside your… palmtop?” Don nodded. “You’ll see him soon enough. I estimate it’ll be a few hours before the trail starts.”

“So, plenty of time to thank him then,” Raph concluded as he removed the fabric from his face.

Don agreed. “We owe him a lot.”

“Yeah, it’s pretty cool of him to go along with our insane plan on that ship,” said Mikey, trying to scratch the inside of his legs under the cast but failing.

Raph snorted.

“O’course, he agreed. He’s the one who did it first, shell for brains. I bet that he would even claim that he’s the one who came up with it and take all of the credit for himself.”

Leo felt the pit inside of him grow.

“Oh! Like my Battle—”

“Oh, you’re so lucky that I can’t get you right now, Mikey, because when I do…”

Mikey gulped nervously but then cheekily challenged, “You’ll what?” He put his hand beside where his ear would be and gave his fingers a bit of a wiggle and a flare. “I can’t hear you from over here, Raph. You’re too far away. Could you say that a bit louder?”

Raph growled. “Mikey…”

Don cut into the interaction. “Mikey, say the B-word, no new games, remember?”

Mikey gave a shrug.

“Hey, I’m not actually going to say it, but Raph is just so fun to tease. Especially now that he can’t get me.”

“You little shi—”

Splinter coughed.

Raph breathed in heavily to himself and just settled with glaring at the ceiling instead, ignoring Mikey’s continued taunting the best he could to an almost impressive degree.

Leo turned towards Mr. Mortu with an apologetic smile.

“Sorry about this. Usually, things are a lot quieter. It’s just, well, you know…”

Mr. Mortu smiled in understanding.

“It’s alright. I’ll be surprised if you all weren’t affected at all, given how dire it was.”

Dire wouldn’t even begin to describe it.

--xx---xxx--[4]--xxx---xx--

Karia was shouting at him from across the lowering platform so that the process of her group being sent back to Earth could begin. Hatred and betrayal were clear in her eyes despite the distance between them, like the smothering heat of a violent volcano from hell itself. All he could do was to watch as she disappeared into the floor alongside the familiar orange-haired nerd scientist beside her and hope that nothing worse would come out of this. She had to know that her freedom to decide her and her master’s fate had been stripped out of their hands the moment the Utroms had saved them all. Although, he didn’t blame her for her grudge. He was the one who saw her struggles and had given her chances even when everybody was against it after all. Then he had come here and showed her which side he was ultimately standing with in the end: the Utroms and the countless victims from many planets.

Maybe, if they were in a better world, she could take her time with her choice to go against her father and make the Foot Clan an honorable group of ninjas. But that wouldn’t be possible because, if they were in a better world, Ch’rell would be a good alien, and she wouldn’t have to deal with the doubts and denial of her father’s true nature. Her loyalty wouldn’t have to be questioned, which he saw distressed her so much beneath that calm exterior. Honestly, she might even be a normal woman who grew up under the loving care of her parents—adopted or otherwise.

However, this wasn’t a better world, and sooner rather than later, Ch’rell would come back with a devastating army and make the dystopian future come true. And Leo wouldn’t allow that to happen. Not in a million chances. He would rather die instead.

…

…but his family didn’t deserve it, did they?

He felt distant as they all slowly headed back towards the med bay, feeling like a ghost instead of a living being with a body. There were conversations going around him that felt like they were coming through a wall of ocean, muffling the words in the process. The constant buzzing that had been plaguing him, which he was able to ignore until now, doubled down on its noise with a vengeance, drowning out all of the others with its deadly siren song that only he could hear. The lights became brighter, almost blinding, as the world became doubled but not at the same time, disorienting in its view and experience.

His family didn’t deserve it.

He blankly stared through the window of the invisible spacecraft as they were being escorted back to Earth after refusing Mr. Mortu's offer to stay further for their injuries to fully heal. His family was marveling at the view they were getting as he saw the glittering lights of New York being revealed after the ship went through the clouds. Reminding him of the many swarms of fireflies in their old television that always filled them with wonder when they were kids.

He put his hand on the glass with the sudden feeling of heaviness that came over his entire being.

His family didn’t deserve it.

He numbly hugged back a disheveled-looking April and Casey, who were still in their disguises and had been extremely worried for them all when they arrived back to the lair. From the corner of his eyes, he saw Leatherhead embracing Mr. Mortu and his two comrades in a big cocoon of a hug as he cried, drowning the head-sized aliens in a warm embrace in the process.

His family didn’t deserve it.

He watched as the jungle of the sprawling concrete of the city slowly transitioned into naturally grown woods as they got closer and closer to the farmhouse with April’s van. When they arrived, they all went inside and into the attic, where their newly purchased old beds that were still in good condition resided.

His family didn’t deserve it.

As the rest settled in comfortably behind him, he stared at the dark trees outside once more, trying to look for something. Although he didn’t know what he was looking for, just—something. There had to be. Why else was there the constant sense of something being wrong bothering him?

His brothers were requesting April for many things—even hitting Mikey in the head by the one and only Raphael, who couldn’t move from his place. After he heard Master Splinter give his lecture about resting and April prevented Mikey from doing something stupid like scratching the inside of his legs, things went quiet for a brief moment.

April gave a soft cough and asked, “Master Splinter?”

It wasn’t even a minute when he heard, “Leonardo, you need rest as well.”

He felt his glare sharpen as his eyes bore through the darkness of the woods.

“I’ll rest when—” He cut himself off. When what? When the Shredder was dead? Hah! That guy was already exiled on one of the ice meteorites somewhere far, far away. What was the alien going to do? Come back here? The other didn’t even have access to the Teleportal, let alone technology. He wasn’t even sure that Ch’rell could survive on that wasteland in the first place.

So, he swiftly corrected. “I’ll rest later.”

Then he caught a glimpse of a shadowy figure in the darkness, which was immediately followed by his father hearing suspicious activity outside. Worried, April decided to go downstairs to join Casey, and everyone went silent. After a bit of debate amongst themselves, Don sneakily went down from the third floor to the second to the first and listened in on the conversation. Then his brother went up to inform them about the figure being Casey’s cousin, who was desperate enough to threaten April and Casey with a lesser version of the Federation’s gun just for some stupid cash.

And then there was a car parked outside.

It was the Purple Dragons.

These guys had been a menace ever since they encountered them, and now, they were here too? Far out from New York and in Massachusetts? Really? When he and his family were trying to recover?

Oh, how he had never hated a group of people as much as he did now.

His family were discussing on how to deal with this situation given the disadvantage that their injuries introduced to them when he cut them off with, “Enough talk, let’s take them down.”

It didn’t matter that they weren’t at their best at the moment. April and Casey would get seriously hurt if they were just here doing chit-chat. He had enough with stupid hesitations that were stopping him from acting when he just needed to act.

His family looked at him in shock.

“Leo, you’re stealing Raph’s line,” Mikey complained, leaning heavily onto his crutches.

“Hey, I don’t mind. I love it when Leo talks tough.” Raph responded from his position on the couch as Leo walked towards one of the windows, but his brother’s next sentence made him stop cold in his tracks.

“We should get Karai to stab more often.”

We should get Karai to stab more often.

We should get Karia to stab more—

We should get Karai to—

Something in him  s  n  a  p  p  e  d.

He whipped back around with a growl. He did not just hear that utter bullshit. What was Raph trying to say? That his failure to act right in the given situation and getting stabbed in the process that had contributed to them all almost dying was a fucking good thing!?

Oh, he almost didn’t care that his brother was badly hurt to the point that he couldn’t sit up. Raph needed to take that back. Now.

Then he was stopped by Mikey as his brother gleefully suggested sending this idiot of a hot-headed brother to a hiding place, which was a good enough compromise to being punched in the face for that stupid line. His brother didn’t need another injury to add to the countless others, even when he deserved it.

As he and Don were carrying the struggling and protesting Raph, who was very peeved for not being able to join in on the action, all he could think of was that ‘good. Go and rot in that dark closet and think of your words, otōto.’

He stared silently at his red-masked brother, who was leaning on the chest behind him, glaring at Mikey as his energetic brother taunted the other non-stop beside the entrance of the closet.

When he closed the door, all he could hope was that, even as a joke, his hot-headed brother wouldn’t say things like this ever again as he set off with the rest of the family to stop the Purple Dragons downstairs.

They wasted enough time as it was.

--xx---xxx--[5]--xxx---xx--

He breathed heavily, staring at the giant robot underneath his feet that had just been repeatedly slashed by his katanas, revealing an unconscious alien woman with dark blue hair inside. The alien who had come out of nowhere from the sky and attacked him and his brothers when they were minding their own business on the rooftop of the abandoned building near their campsite at night.

His brothers were holding him back, telling him that it was over—but it was never over. Not for him.

However, despite the sentiment, he forced his muscles to relax as he lowered his weapons and backed off. After they carried the alien back to their camp, he walked away from them to the other side of the fire with his shell turned to the light, crossing his arms. After a few moments of awkwardness in the air, he heard Don begin to check for any injuries with Raph and Mikey expressing their curiosity about their patient.

He glared at his long shadow that was cast by the glowing fire behind him as it shifted from time to time along with the crackles of burning wood. He felt guilty for leaving behind his brothers like this. Although, he was pretty sure that, aside from a potential concussion and a dislocated shoulder, nothing was wrong with that alien. They didn’t need his help.

He gripped his arms tightly. The feeling of something awful twisted inside him like the slithering of a snake’s tongue with its teeth biting poison into him, infecting his whole body.

He almost killed that alien. No, he had been ready to kill that alien. If it weren’t for his brothers, there would be another blood on his hands. And the worst part was, he wouldn’t regret it. Not when it meant protecting his family in the first place. Not when she had almost killed them herself. He knew that this wasn’t like him, but maybe that might be a good thing. After all, it was because of his leniency that had led his family to essentially agree to commit suicide just so that they could get a stupid chance at stopping the Shredder.

A chance. That was it. How pathetic was that?

He looked at the stars, twinkling without a care in the sky, oblivious to the dark thoughts circling around one of the mutant turtles in a blue mask with the weapons that could make those musings real strapped on his back. The only thing stopping that from happening was that he was too powerless to achieve that. Too powerless to do anything right.

Too powerless.

Too weak.

As he watched as Don cleared up the misunderstanding with the alien about them being her enemy the next day, one thing was made very apparent to him:

He shouldn’t be trusted with leading right now.

That revelation stung at him like a wound from one particular nasty bee, but it was true, wasn’t it? If he had finished her off, he would have doomed an entire planet to another tyrant—and he wouldn’t even know about it. Relieved about it even.

He tightened his grip around the spoon that they had just taken out to eat the pre-cooked breakfast made by April, Master Splinter, and Raph (who was stubborn enough to help despite his family telling him to rest for his newly healed ribs) before the trip. The beginnings of an ugly feeling began to take root inside of him like a starved parasite looking for blood to feast upon without mercy.

(Did he even deserve mercy?)

He paid his attention back towards the conversation that was going on around him. He looked at Don as his genius brother conversed with the pale blue-skinned alien as she told them her people’s tale.

It had been his brother who suggested the possibility of the robot not being an enemy before it pointed its giant gun towards them and opened fire. Prior to that, Leo had listened to his brother and waited when his body was itching to protect his family. But that didn’t matter when he wasn’t going to give the opponent a second chance the moment it had shown its hostility, and he cut off its gun that was a part of its hand. He had hesitated too many times in the past for that.

Turned out his brother was right.

Donny was right.

He had always known that, aside from him, his bo staff-wielding brother had the most potential for leadership out of all of them. Don’s harrowing journey to that future and how his brother had swiftly managed to gather the jaded future version of him, Mikey, and Raph to make a final rebellion was a testament to that fact. Of course, he was pretty sure that many things that needed to be done had already been done before his brother arrived, but the rebellion, from what he heard, was struggling. If not for his genius brother’s insight in the nick of time, that final fight wouldn’t even end in a victory.

The only thing preventing Don from being a leader himself was that Leo was here, shielding his brother from most of the cruel reality of that role. But he had even failed to prevent that when he had hesitated in killing the professor and then not managing to bring his brother back when it mattered most with that war staff.

(Weak.)

However, he couldn’t trust himself to lead right now despite the burning guilt in his gut when his brothers instinctively looked towards him for guidance but were then reminded that he was unavailable to them like a slap to their faces. Which then led to Don, who, after giving him an uncertain look, hesitantly took charge when it came to decision-making for the group. Including him.

(Weak.)

He silently watched as the alien woman, who had introduced herself as Jhanna, finally fought with Moriah, the current ruler of their home world, and was the one who made the former woman crash here on Earth in an attempt at sabotaging the election process, which was decided by a duel. His brothers were cheering on beside him, high-fiving each other when Jhanna managed to land a particularly good kick to the back of her opponent, sending the other to hit the fence a few feet away despite currently being blinded by the dirt in her eyes.

(Weak.)

He observed the woman, who he could see carried the hopes and dreams of her people on her back without flinching as she fought with everything she had. And with a final flash of her glowing red weapon, she won the unfair battle and trapped her opponent in a blue glimmering dome surrounded by electricity, ending the age-long war between the people and the ones on the top.

(Weak.)

He looked outside at the trees passing by under the morning sun through the window of April’s van, heading back home to restock their supplies for another trip that they all had agreed upon. There were chatters around him as his brothers retold April and Casey about the recent encounter that they had just experienced. Mikey even teased Donny on his weird amount of focus on Jhanna, who had left before anyone knew about it, leaving behind her long cut hair to his genius brother as a potential sign of saying thanks.

He lightly brushed his hand against the sensitive side where a chunk of his shell was missing.

(Weak.)

He stared at his reflection dancing around with the gentle current of the river. Casey was steering on the front of the raft as they moved along the peaceful landscape at night. A barn owl greeted them along the way, interrupting April’s poetic observation about nature. Then they passed by a nuclear power plant facility, which made him and his brothers hide underneath the blankets that they had brought alongside much camping gear to not get seen.

(Weak.)

He set his eyes on the other side of the river, having his shell turned once more to the campfire a few feet away, where he could hear his family telling silly stories and jokes to each other. He kept thinking about what had happened on that starship, battered and bruised with nowhere to run. He kept thinking about how they had been so easily hurt by Ch’rell despite all of their best efforts. Karai being there because of him didn’t help.

He kept thinking and thinking and thinking, replaying and replaying the memories again and again where he had felt the most hopeless, the most powerless—even above his experience on that rooftop that fateful morning with heavy rain pouring down upon him with thunder booming across the sky.

He kept thinking about the only choice that he could see in that place. He kept thinking that that must not just be it; that there had to be another way—that he had been blind to an alternative option all along. That he was too lost in his weakness to even catch onto anything hopeful instead.

Yes, that must be it, mustn’t it? That he was weak.

He must be weak; he must be. Why the hell would he suggest to his family to kill themselves otherwise? But if that was the case, that meant that he hadn’t been good enough all along—that meant that he had failed his job as a leader the moment he had been selected to be one by Master Splinter.

Master Splinter.

His father, who was currently spending time on his own with Klunk at the farmhouse.

If Leo was weak all these times, then why would his father choose him back then? There had to be something that his father had seen in him. There had to be. Because, if not, that meant that sensei was wrong all this time—and that was such a ridiculous thought to have even despite Master Splinter having some flaws himself.

Then why had he seen suicide as the only option?

This wasn’t making any sense. All of this wasn’t making any sense aside from him just not being good enough.

…right?

He felt April coming up to him, asking him if he was okay. After thinking for a moment, he decided to tell her what had been bothering him. She might have a different perspective that he wasn’t currently seeing.

However, before she could give her answer, he spotted a suspiciously large shadowy thing in the water, moving to them at rapid speed. Which was soon revealed to be a humanoid fish creature as it stumbled out of the river and collapsed in front of them.

When April, who had trained in first aid after she got to know them for a few weeks, was about to give the creature mouth-to-mouth, they were interrupted by another similar four coming out of the water, looking at them in hostility, potentially mistaking all of them for trying to give the one under April’s care some harm.

He looked at the creatures’ faces, and seeing that a negotiation was off the table, he let out a frustrated growl as he immediately took out his katana and charged. Distraction it was.

Then it was chaos.

He was thrown underwater, struggling against the creature as it dragged him down to the bottom of the river. After some difficulty, he managed to grasp onto its arm and put his finger to where a certain blood vessel existed underneath. Hoping that it would have the same effect as the actual human, he gave it a firm pressure. It wasn’t long when he felt the creature let out an alarmed noise as its arm suddenly fell limp and he was set free. Although, he wasn’t surprised when it had recovered quickly given the experimental nature of this whole thing.

He took out one of his katanas and swung it at the creature with great difficulty, hating how the water slowed down his movements so significantly. But he didn’t let that stop him as he cut what seemed to be a hard rubber that the creature threw at him—it was difficult to tell even with the small amount of moonlight coming through. It didn’t matter when he sensed the movement of the current to inform him of the whereabouts of the creature anyway. Though, it would be a bit of a pain to help the others out given the wild fluctuations nearby. He just hoped that it was caused by his brothers and not April and Casey, who just weren’t made for a place like this.

However, he couldn’t dodge whatever stuff it was that the creature had thrown at him in time once again. Thankfully, it was nothing lethal. Before he could retaliate, however, another, but stronger, ripple in the current came from the left, hitting the creature away from him in the process.

He turned his head towards where the source was and caught a glimpse of the tail end of the familiar ribbon as the presence swam closer to him. Judging by how the water moved around the figure, it was Raph.

Together, they went for the remaining two sources. The first one turned out to be Don, who had been tied to a water plant by another creature. He sliced at the being, which it managed to evade, but then Raph kicked it far away from them, giving him the opening to cut off the plant and set Don free.

Next was Mikey, who had gotten one of his legs stuck in the rocks and was on the verge of passing out. While he and his brothers could hold their breath for an impressive amount of time, they unfortunately couldn’t breathe underwater.

There was the feeling of confusion inside him as he grappled with the last one, who hadn’t moved from its swimming position near Mikey when they got here, not doing anything to his youngest brother when it had gotten the chance. Don and Raph were trying to break the rock around Mikey’s leg with their bo staff and sais respectively, careful to not cause any more injuries that his energetic might sustained.

After managing to knock the creature out, he swam towards his brothers and carefully gave a final slice to the rock, finally freeing Mikey as Raph grabbed onto his brother and Don with him when he felt some movement that indicated air bubbles leaving his brother.

In urgency, they swam up to the surface but were blocked by the creatures once more.

Then something weird happened.

As he was preparing to defend himself and his brothers, the creatures suddenly stopped their advances. Unexpectedly, they swam up towards the surface with a sudden burst of speed, giving away that they were holding themselves back all this time.

When they arrived on the surface at a slower pace than the creatures, gasping for breath, his confusion grew further as he saw the creatures were already on the surface, walking towards the first one lying on the ground unmoving. And given the defeated posture of April and Casey from afar, that creature was already dead.

All of them watched on dry land as the four remaining creatures gently carried the first one to the river and pushed it away, leaving the current to take its body somewhere unknown. Not soon after, the creatures left with utterly devastated looks on their faces without even turning back at all of them, leaving behind a heavy melancholic air along the way for him and his family to stew upon.

Then April suddenly told them with great urgency that they needed to save the eggs, which belonged to the first creature, who turned out to be a female. The red-haired woman told them she didn’t know how she had known the information, but one thing was clear: that nuclear power plant needed to be stopped now.

Despite the questions still circling around inside of him, he didn’t hesitate as they all headed to where that powerplant was, and the plan on how to prevent the leakage of the nuclear waste was born.

As they were leaving the site of their crimes on the raft, he gazed at the water in front of him, lost in thought. He reflected on the creatures’ unusual behavior and how it seemed like it was he and his brothers who were being distracted instead of the other way around. The way the humanoid fishes were holding back their true strength. How they had immediately lost interest in them the moment the one where April and Casey were trying to save died. And given how April somehow knew what was going on, the creatures have a mental ability of sorts that could share their thoughts and feelings with another being.

As he thought about this whole event, one thing was certain from all of this: the creatures had been desperate to save their kind. Desperate to the point that they had risked their own discovery and chosen April, the one who loved and cherished nature the most out of all of them, just so that they could get a chance for their unhatched children to live. 

Which was awfully close to his and his family’s experience on the starship. But the difference here was that one was sacrificing herself—it didn’t escape his observation that she was the only one out of the five who had radiation burns—to save the children, while the other was sacrificing the whole family to save the world, which didn’t even involve any convenient excuse for the choice aside from being apparently trapped.

While she had taken all of the pain to herself, he had been the one who decided to get everyone involved.

…He was the one who made everyone die with him.

He thought about Jhanna and how she had pushed on despite being stranded on an unknown place with, from her point of view, strange aliens that weren’t even the majority on this planet who were helping her. He thought about how she could still look confident even when she might not possibly come back to her home alive, where he was pretty sure that millions and millions of lives were waiting for her success.

Despite how hopeless the situation must have been, he hadn’t seen an ounce of crack in the way she had carried herself.

Not an ounce of crack.

No hesitation.

No weakness.

Nothing.

Unlike him.

Both women, while their situations and physical strength were completely different, had been able to achieve something that he wasn’t able to do: they had saved the people they care about with all of their will and might without burdening the others in the process.

Unlike him.

Unlike him.

Then he realized with a devastating clarity that he had been, indeed, in fact, weak. That he was never good enough all along despite the countless improvements he had made—at least, he had thought he had made. Especially after he had committed the stupid mistake of accidentally stepping on a landmine after already knowing that there were traps all around them when a monster hunter was chasing down Leatherhead many months ago.

He gritted his teeth as he glared down at his own reflection.

He just wasn’t good enough.

He wasn’t good enough.