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Hugo blinked as what felt like a full week's worth of exhaustion hit him full force. He could practically feel Varian's nervous energy hovering around his shoulder. There was an allen key in one hand and some kind of prototype in the other. He didn't even remember building it.
He couldn't remember anything from today really.
When did the sun start setting? Where did today go? What day was it anyway?
"Var…?" He rasped out. His throat hurt. When had he last spoken?
"Are you finally back with me Love?" Varian's voice was soft and his hand hovered over his arm. "It's been a while. Is touching you okay right now?"
He nodded and let Varian take the objects from his hands and pull him into a careful hug.
"You okay?"
He didn't know how to answer the question.
Was he okay? He was tired. So so tired. Why was he so tired?
"What time is it…?" Was what he ended up saying instead of giving him an answer. He didn't have one.
"About 7:30, I know it's early but you've been well… gone for a couple days and I really think you should get some sleep. It's Thursday evening."
Thursday. That couldn't be right.
Wasn't it just Sunday.
This doesn't make sense.
"Yeah… yeah going to bed sounds nice." He whispered as Varian tugged him out of the lab and to their room close by. He just wants to go to sleep honestly.
"Sit down, I'll get changed and then bring you some clothes okay?" Varian lightly pushed him onto the bed and kissed his forehead softly.
He leaned on his side with his legs still dangling off the bed, Donnie had always hated shoes on the beds, and he let himself stew with his thoughts while Varian went to change. Had this ever happened before? How much does he actually remember from these few days?
Well, barely anything actually.
It almost reminds him of when he was a kid. There's so much of his childhood memories missing. Up until he met Varian, he only has a few key memories. Mainly jobs that went disastrously wrong. That time he dropped a piano on Flynn Rider. A failed explosive almost taking his hand off. That day in the library. The day he met Varian and the others. He remembers all those in perfect detail.
But there's so much he can hardly recall. He doesn't remember most of his routine jobs. Time he didn't spend working. He remembers how he felt when Don was mad at him but he doesn't remember why she was ever mad or what she said or what happened after. His "episodes" Don called them.
He doesn't remember how long they usually lasted. Or what caused them. He just turned into a puppet in his own body. He was watching from inside his skull but not absorbing any of it. He doesn't form coherent thoughts. He simply preformed simple repetitive tasks over and over, trying to accomplish something. Talking, eating, anything beyond the single task he dedicated himself to becomes a chore.
These are probably the most coherent thoughts he's had since Sunday.
"I'm back– hey, hey, hey, Hugo, what's wrong Love?" Varian's hands were cupping his cheeks and he was pressing their foreheads together. "Can you talk to me Treasure?"
"Nothing… it… it's fine… 'm fine…"
"Hugo, Treasure, I know you better than that. Do you wanna sit here for a bit or do you feel like talking to me?"
Hugo just inhaled Varian's scent for a second before answering. "'m just thinkin' bout some things…"
"Is it okay if I ask what those things are?"
"I dunno. I can't really remember anymore."
"I only left you in here for like 5 minutes, what do you mean you can't remember?"
"I mean I can't remember. It's what happens when I have an 'episode' so just drop it okay!?" Hugo snapped, doing mock jazz hands at the word "episode" and pulling away from Varian to fall backwards with a huff.
Varian sighed. "Okay, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to push you. I'm just worried about you."
"Why? You have absolutely nothing to worry about. I'm fine."
"You can't lie to me. I've known you too long and I know you too well."
"Ugh. I know. I hate you sometimes."
"You love me. Now talk to me Treasure."
Hugo took a deep breath and sighed, sitting back up and resting his head on Varian's shoulder. "I... I feel like... I just... I used to..."
"Think about what you wanna tell me Hugo."
"Is... is it stupid to miss Donnie? I mean after everything she put me through. I just... I dunno... I know it's been years. And I know realistically I should never want to see her again. I just... she raised me... she was the only thing I had in the way of a parent for basically my entire life... she almost got me killed several times. I was walking on eggshells. I never felt safe. Hell I can hardly remember any of my time there. I just... you mentioned you don't remember your time in prison right? Does that mean I'm not crazy?"
"I... I dunno Hugo. I formed memories of those months... I still have nightmares about my time there sometimes... but I can't actually think back and recall much from back then at all no matter how much I try. It's like they're stuck in a jar and that jar is being shook up and the contents are blurred every time I try to look inside."
"That's not what it feels like for me... I just can't remember anything... I try and try to remember things from my childhood but I can't... No matter how hard I try. It feels like I spent most of my childhood as a puppet in my own body... all I really knew how to do was a single simple task that I'd pre-dedicated myself to... I couldn't eat... I couldn't talk... I couldn't even think! What the hell is wrong with me!?"
Varian exhaled softly, a hum escaping with it. It was a beautiful sound when he did that. Hugo loved it. He loved him.
"It was your mind trying to protect you. I've had a few instances like what you're describing before... not as bad but I know what you're talking about... It last happened in the library after I found out you were well... You know. You'll feel better once you've changed and your hair's been brushed."
"Ugh. Too complex."
Varian chuckled. Again, it was a beautiful, light sound. He stood up and Hugo flopped forward into his torso.
"Nuh uh, none of that Treasure. You have to work with me here." He cooed as his nimble little fingers worked their way down the buttons on Hugo's shirt. "You know I think it's adorable when you're stubborn but I just wanna get you into something comfortable so you can go to bed." He pulled his shirt down his arms and picked up the one he brought.
"You're too good to me." Hugo murmured as Varian pulled the shirt up his arms.
"I'm really not. It's just basic human kindness." Varian buttoned most of the buttons on his pajama shirt and handed him a pair of pants. "I'm gonna go get your brush, put these on, I'll be right back." Varian kissed his cheek and stood up, his footsteps receding, but the bed still dipped in the spot Varian just was as the familiar chittering of a raccoon got louder.
Hugo struggled to untie his boots and kick them off before getting to work changing into the pants Varian handed him. This always felt like such a complicated task when his brain did this. His long legs were basically foreign objects that he was trying to control and he got one leg through when Varian's warm hands overlapped his.
"Need help?"
"I'm not a kid." Hugo blushed, embarrassed at the situation he's found himself in.
"I'm not calling you a kid. I'm only asking if you need help."
"...Please..."
Varian's hand found his knee, Hugo hadn't even realized he was bouncing his leg, and held it still long enough to find the end of his other pantleg and pull it up so his foot was out the end like it should be, and then pull his pants up to his waist, then he pushed him back onto the bed.
"Move please. Thank you Ruddiger." Varian said, and the pattering of raccoon paws moved past his head and up to his usual spot on their pillows and Varian sat back down behind him and undid his already very sloppy ponytail.
"Ow-"
"Sorry, sorry. Your hair's really tangled. I'm being as gentle as I can."
Hugo found himself fighting to stay awake while Varian hummed as he brushed his hair. "I'm almost done Treasure. Then you can go to sleep."
"Hm..."
He heard the sound of wood on wood and assumed Varian had set the brush down on the nightstand, and finally flopped face first into the pillows.
"Glasses." Varian said above him, reaching down and pulling his glasses off his face.
"Freckles." Hugo whined.
"Yeah, I know, I know." Varian chuckled and laid down next to him, pressing the blonde's face into his chest and intertwining their legs.
"You're amazing..." He whispered.
"I know. I love you too. You're safe here. I got you."