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It’s a week later. They've been spending time together in secret as often as they could. Sirius would meet Regulus at the back of library to keep him company. Or Regulus would meet him behind one of the trees at the edge of the forest and he’d bring a few snacks while they talked about everything they missed out on each other. Regulus learns that Sirius has come out to his friends as gay, that he still hates studying, that he’s had his first kiss, that he can write with both hands now. Sirius learns that Regulus still studies in advance just for enjoyment, that he prefers his tea scalding, that he’s gotten a terribly embarrassing sweet tooth, and even that Sirius’ sweet baby brother curses when comfortable. Sirius feels especially prideful that Regulus is feeling comfortable with him. 

Christmas break starts tomorrow and Sirius is keeping Regulus close. So he thinks there’s a chance Regulus could cut and run, so what? Sue him. 

They've packed up for the break, their cases stand by the door of Sirius’ dorm room and Sirius brings Regulus to his bed, closing the curtains so no one will judge them as he clings to his brother under the covers in his sleep later. The others have left the room and said they’d come back late at night so Sirius took the opportunity to bring Regulus in. 

"How are you feeling about seeing the Potters tomorrow?” Sirius asks, he pushes his long hair upwards as he rests his head on the pillow to avoid unnecessary tangles and the itching on his neck. 

Regulus adjusts himself as well, getting comfortable under the sheets and Sirius can feel the mattress dip and lift with it. The thought obviously worries Regulus, as he looks away quickly and takes a deep breath before responding.

“Honestly, I’m not sure,” he says truthfully. “It feels…I’m nervous, but I’m also curious. I guess I just don’t know what to expect, or how to act properly.”

Sirius nods, he gets that. That's the same way he felt the first time too. He reaches up to play with Regulus’ curls. Twirling one between his fingers absently. "That’s fair. You've got me ok? It'll be ok. If it gets too much, you tell me.”

Sirius can feel Regulus relax under the touch of his fingers in his hair. He lets out a soft sigh, his eyes fluttering shut. 

“I know,” Regulus murmurs, his voice soft and sweet. A new development for them. “I’m not worried. I know you’ll be there…”

"So...what are you anxious about then?" Sirius asks softly, cupping his cheek and feeling the warmth seeping into his hand.

Regulus can’t help but smile at the touch, a small up curve in his lips that Sirius treasures. “You think I’ll like it?” 

Sirius nods surely. "Yes. It's...it's strange at first. Effie and Monty are nothing like our parents. But once you get used to it, it's the best.” 

Sirius gets it, the doubt. He wondered as well when James convinced him to come to the Potters for the holidays all those years ago. Sirius remembers how he stayed up all night worrying about if the kind and gentle life was for him, or if he was destined to never fit in. Sirius had wondered if he would blend in with the Potters or stick out and ruin James’ picture of a big happy family because it's in his blood isn't it? To be the wrecking ball, the destruction. 

He worried if he would even enjoy the calm and love that the Potter house brought. If the Black ink had stained him beyond repair. The difference, and what made him squash his doubts to begin with, was that he wanted it. He wanted to be loved. So he would work to deserve it.

Regulus has his fingers toying with the edge of Sirius’ sleep shirt. “It sounds like a dream…” he says, his voice barely above a whisper.

Sirius smiles wider and scoots closer. Wrapping his leg around Regulus’ and hooking them together, and burying in his chest. Sirius knows he’s more touchy now than when they were children and he really really hopes it doesn’t bother Regulus. He doesn’t know how he would be able to cope with it otherwise. If he can’t be his complete self with his little brother, then with who? If even Regulus won’t accept his intimacy then who can he trust?

Thankfully Sirius can’t spiral because Regulus reciprocates immediately, wrapping an arm around his waist and pulling him even closer. Sirius relishes in the soft warmth that spreads through him. He can feel Regulus taking a deep breath on the top of his head and Sirius briefly wonders if he still smells alright from the shower that morning. 

He can’t help but feel a pang of regret for the years they’ve lost, the moments like this that they could’ve shared if he had just gone to Regulus sooner. Supposedly Regulus had been ready to talk for a while? And Sirius should’ve definitely tried harder. 

But they’re here now and that’s what matters. 

Sirius buries himself in to his brothers chest. "Mmm..." he tries to relax himself. Regulus feels different compared to when they were kids. Sirius being the bigger of the two for their whole childhoods but now they’re almost the same. Not that it matters all that much to Sirius anyways but now Sirius can comfortably press his face in a chest that doesn’t consist of just skin and bone. Now there’s the soft cushion, the warmth and the loud beat of his heart. 

Sirius can also feel Regulus relaxing into the cuddle and he tries not to let the warm and fuzzy feeling spread too much. Long fingers trace mindless patterns on Sirius’ back that force him to relax even more. Feeling safe and comforted in his brothers chest. 

"Everything will be ok. I promise." Sirius whispers from there, hoping Regulus can hear him. 

Sirius can feel Regulus breathing, the gentle wave of the oxygen getting filtered in his lungs. 

Regulus’ fingers continue the motions. “I believe you…” he murmurs quietly.

Sirius smiles wide at that and shifts to get even closer, not that there’s technically any more room but he tries anyway. The rising embarrassment disappears since Regulus tightens his hold as well. 

He can’t get over just how right this feels. How perfectly they fit together, as if they were meant to entwine. That’s not normal is it? Does it even matter? Sirius just got him back and he needs–

He buries his nose in his chest, inhaling the scent he’s gotten used to over the long day today.

"Night, Reggie." He mumbles softly. 

“Goodnight, Siri…” Regulus whispers back. 

He closes his eyes, holding his brother close. 

"Love...you." he mumbles barely audibly. Sirius worries. They always told each other that they loved each other as kids. And if Regulus doesn’t love him anymore, he could understand that but he really hopes that Regulus doesn’t make a big deal out of him saying it randomly after so long. 

A silence stretches. Sirius pays close attention to everything now, his breathing and heartbeat which both slow and then quicken after. Regulus then whispers back softly, “I love you too….”

Relief floods through his system and air is pushed out of him. Thank fuck.  

And then– oh. 

Oh Regulus loves him. 

Sirius is very glad his face is covered right now. 

To avoid any awkwardness, Sirius burrows his cold feet under Regulus’ calves.

Regulus lets out a hiss when he feels it and Sirius feels a smirk tugging at his lips. “I forgot you get freezing feet…” Regulus murmurs, sounding amused anyway.

"Mmmm..." Sirius allows himself to push his hands up Regulus’ shirt and touch his warm back, feeling the curve of his spine. 

Regulus makes a squeak sound from his throat and his body tenses, sending Sirius into a minor panic about if it’s too far for their age now or–

“Gods, your fingers are like ice.” Regulus says, his voice low like he’s frowning. He shivers slightly as Sirius’ hands press flat on him.

Relieved, Sirius smiles against his chest. "You're warm.”

“In comparison.” Regulus replies.

"Mmm..." His fingers and feet slowly warming up. "Sleep Reg. Potters tomorrow.”

Regulus hums softly, the vibration from his chest making Sirius feel even more drowsy. “Yeah…tomorrow…” Regulus mutters equally as sleepy. 

He tightens his grip on his brother, his body relaxing as he begins to drift off. 

***

When they finally wake in the morning, Regulus feels more nauseous to spend Christmas at the Potters than before. He's not excited per sé but also not dreading it. He's in a strange sort of limbo that makes him feel guilty, jealous, and…well nauseous. 

The morning is short, Sirius tries to make a conversation with him but Regulus just can't right now. Not when he's about to see what his brother left him for. As much as he's trying to resolve that, the sting is still there. 

He's also trying to come to terms with the fact that he might ruin this for Sirius. Sirius so clearly wants him there but if Regulus doesn't fit? What's that going to do to him?

On the train, Regulus and James properly meet, Regulus knows James. He knows the boy his brother prefers. He knows that they're one in the same and more brotherly than Sirius and himself ever were. Regulus supposes that that's just how growing in such opposing extremes work. It's tense, neither of them like eachother but it's kept polite for Sirius' sake. Regulus is at least grateful that James hasn't set him on fire yet. 

He’s well aware of how much James means to his brother, and how much Sirius means to him back. It's grating and irritating but he will stay cordial, for Sirius.

He sits next to his brother, as if he'd sit next to Potter. 

James watches him closely too, he can feel it, and Sirius seems to be beaming, looking between them like everything is going to plan. 

There's the nausea again.

Regulus tries not to let the pressure get to him. Social interaction really isn't his strong suit no matter how hard his parents try. Sirius was always better at that. He feels James’ gaze boring into him, but he tries his best to ignore for his brothers sake. 

He turns his attention to Sirius who has a bright encouraging smile directed at him. Merlin. His heart clenches with guilt and regret, and wishing things could've been different. Wishing he could've been different for him. 

Oh how Sirius deserves it. 

So he'll try.

James interrupts his train of thought and Regulus tries not to let the cringe from his voice show. "So Regulus, are you excited to see my parents?”

Regulus clears his throat, forcing a polite neutral look, he can do this.

“Yes, I suppose…” he replies carefully, keeping his tone neutral.

"Just suppose?" James tilts his head. Eyes sharp but not as hostile as Regulus would expect. Thankfully. More like sizing him up.

Regulus shouldn't care, he knows. But being judged by his brothers best friend is intimidating. And he already hates that he feels intimidated by just a few words. 

Fucker.

He keeps his tone steady and his face neutral. “Well, I do appreciate the invitation–” he glances at his brother, the one who invited him to someone else's home, even though the Potters seemed happy to have him in the letters replying to Sirius, "--it’ll be nice to see where my brother has been staying these past couple of years…”

James seems to relax a bit at that. He nods. "It's..Definitely different than your house. Not that I know, I'm not saying that– I just mean from what Sirius told me.” He stumbles. 

Regulus feels immediate discomfort at the mention of his family home but he supposes he should get used to that now. He's sure the Potters will all be judging him, albeit silently. He’s also aware of his brother leaving the compartment, probably to give them privacy and Regulus silently begs for him to come back.

He forces a tight smile anyways, his voice polite and practiced, thanks to training. “Yes, I can imagine there’s a stark contrast…”

James winces. "Sorry. That came out wrong. I just meant..." he lowers his voice to a whisper for some reason. "I'm glad that your intentions are good. Sirius has been dreaming for this.”

Ugh.

He appreciates his attempt to make things less awkward, even if it’s having the opposite effect.

The pressure is already high, he doesn't need the reason for this whole mess to reiterate it.

He lowers his voice to meet James’ whisper. He needs to get through this for Sirius. “I know,” he admits with a soft sigh. “I apologize if I came across as ungrateful, I'm only nervous… slightly. For his sake.” He adds. It must be obvious how nervous he is and if James has any brain in him he'd know that anyone in Regulus’ position would be shitting themselves. 

James just nods. "That’s fair. You should've seen Sirius the first time I brought him. He was a right mess.”

That's a relief at least.

It surprises him a bit though. He always figured that Sirius would just fit right in with the Potters, an immediate click that he didn't have with Regulus and their parents. 

Before he can ask more though, Sirius comes back in and sits on the side Regulus is on.

Sirius glances at them both and smiles brightly like his dream has come true. Oh Regulus hates everything. "What are you two conspiring?”

Regulus can feel his betraying lips try to turn upwards at the sight of that smile. “We’re not conspiring,” he replies.

James grins. "Nah nothing Pads!" He says and leans back in his seat. 

James and Sirius slip into a conversation easily and Regulus tunes out, watching his brother for a moment. He looks so happy with the mere possibility that Regulus and James are getting along. 

He feels guilty for all the years they wasted, for all the years of resentment and animosity towards his brothers friends and how much it clearly hurt him. But seeing how much it means to Sirius to have them talking makes him want to try harder. Regulus can’t help the feeling of bubbling jealousy in his stomach, but he can help how he acts. 

His brother’s happiness was always his top priority after all, despite everything or even because of everything. 

Sirius tries to contain his smile, poorly. "We're here!" He announces even though they clearly are since the train slows to a stop.

Here we go.

***

The Potter house is prettier than Regulus expected. Then again, he doesn't really know what he expected at all, probably some small moss covered house. He underestimated them. 

The house is wide, whereas Grimmauld is tall and skinny. The Potters have warm toned lights whose rays are filtering out the front windows and onto the grass lawn. There must be temperature magic keeping the cold from killing the flora. There's a stone walkway to the front door that has flower bushes on either side. The house itself is a warm cream color with dark brown accents. There's plants and flowers everywhere. But it isn't overbearing. 

Pops of colorful flowers cover the lawn in patches, yellows and purples and blues. 

It's…well it's quite lovely. 

Especially when he thinks back to Grimmauld. It's black and has a dark green and navy blue color scheme and cold, musty. 

James grins at them and walks ahead. Breaking Regulus’ trance. "Ready, Blacks?”

He swallows, his heart pumping in his chest as he takes in the house, trying to stop his skin from pickling and itching. The warmth of the place and the way James is already lighting up like a sun, it's–

Fire. 

That's what James is. 

If he's sticking with his elemental metaphors of himself as water, Sirius as air, it makes sense for James to be fire. 

The house is warm, James is bright, everything is too hot. He can feel the love and care on him and he feels like a water droplet that fell onto burning coal, sizzling and eventually evaporating. 

He glances at his brother, seeing his bright, eager face and he forces the rising panic down. “Ready as I’ll ever be…” he murmurs softly, he's so fucked.

Sirius takes his hand softly and grins. The feel of his skin helps. It's warm, alive, but not scorching. "It'll be ok. Just be ready to be shocked.”

Regulus huffs through his nose. 

Oh fuck all the way off.

“More shocked than I’ve been by you?” he teases lightly, masking his terror.

Sirius only smiles brighter at him. "Definitely." 

Stupid. Stupid fucking smile on a stupidly pretty face.

James opens the door and a shorter woman comes to it. She’s got dark curls pulled back in a low bun and a warm smile that makes Regulus’ heart instantly shatter. She hugs James tightly. "Oh mijo, you’re home!” 

Regulus doesn’t even realize he’s gripping his brothers hand too hard until Sirius’ thumb brushes over his knuckles a few times. 

His heart pounds as he looks at her as Mrs. Potter fusses over James, asking questions about the ride over and if they got to eat. 

Regulus’ heart sinks lower down his chest. 

Nevermind, he can’t fucking do this.

She lets James go and her eyes find Sirius. Regulus snatches his hand away as she comes over and hugs his brother tight. "Estrella, I've missed you so much!”

This is worse. 

Sirius melts into her arms, even though he’s taller than her and Regulus is going to fucking die. 

Jealousy, guilt, terror– all of it. Sirius’ muscles go lax and she murmurs things in his ear. Regulus can see his smile softening and growing, it makes him sick.

No wonder, Regulus thinks. No wonder he left. 

Regulus knows his brother is an affectionate person, always has been. Even as kids, Sirius would initiate cuddles and hugs, or just kiss his forehead at random times. They’d sit next to each other at the table and Sirius would rub his thumb on his knee or press their feet together. 

Sirius always had too much love to give, he always had so much in him that when suppressed by their parents, made him explode and tear everything down like a storm. 

Regulus had always been hungry, always craving that love from Sirius. He always wanted to have it, all of it. He wanted Sirius to rip into his soul and thrash the affection into him. Regulus would take it all, happily. The problem is that he would want all of it to himself. And Sirius didn’t deserve that.

He watches as his brother melts, his face buried in her hair. Okay, he’s jealous. 

Jealous of them both really. 

Sirius pulls away and his next words cause a new type of panic to seize Regulus. "Effie, this is Regulus." He introduces. Regulus straightens his spine and pushes his shoulders back, ducking his chin in respect. 

"Oh look at you! You really do look like each other, don’t you?” She says. 

Regulus appreciates silently that she said each other instead of comparing Regulus only to Sirius. 

He forces a polite smile, trying to conceal his uneasiness as best as he can. “It’s a pleasure to meet you,” he responds.

She giggles softly at him. "Oh you're so polite aren't you? Just like when Sirius first came. Come here, baby." And then she–

She hugs him.

Regulus fights tooth and nail not to flinch and crawl back like an animal. He’s used to Sirius’ hugs but a woman? Let alone a motherly figure?

Regulus’ heart has come back up his chest and rattles in the cage of his ribs. He puts his arms around her and tries to imagine it’s Sirius. 

Traitorously, he feels himself melting too. She smells warm, like chocolates and vanilla and flowery. She doesn’t seem to be letting go. If anything, she cradles him.

Regulus has been overwhelmed since he opened his eyes this morning. So don’t fucking judge him for starting to crumble. The hug is soft and sweet, like a blanket and Regulus hasn’t felt that anywhere except for in Sirius’ arms when they were 8 and 9. 

His eyes sting. This woman who he’s just met, is tearing him down by a single hug. 

He’s ashamed of himself really. 

Mrs. Potter seems to sense it and gently rubs his back. "Oh that’s alright, love. You're alright.”

He’s embarrassed himself enough, and he’s not as strong as he hoped, so he hugs her back tightly and begs the universe to swallow him. 

His voice is weak and hoarse as his words come out ragged, embarrassing himself further. “Why…? You just met me–”

"A mother knows....a real one anyway." She gently caresses his hair. "You're alright. Let it out.”

Regulus feels his body shudder, so this is what it’s supposed to feel like

He closes his eyes, breathing in the care that she just oozes. A stray tear escapes his eyes, leaving a wet trail down his cheek. 

She squeezes him tight before pulling away a bit and wiping his cheek with a smile. "Welcome to our home.”

Regulus feels strangely empty, his body already craving to be held in her arms and sob. He nods quickly, trying to collect himself and compose his face.

“Thank you…” he utters softly, averting his gaze. He’s not used to being so openly vulnerable in front of anyone but his brother.

Effie smiles brightly. "You'll get all the hugs you want, love. But first let's get inside." She wraps an arm around him and leads him into the house.

Regulus allows himself to be guided and he feels like an exposed nerve. 

He looks around, taking in the atmosphere. There’s pictures on every wall. The doorway leads to the kitchen and livingroom space that has brown wood furniture and soft red and yellow rugs cover the hardwood floor. There’s a matching fireplace that heats the room and Regulus can feel himself sizzle again. He’s never felt something like this at Grimmauld place, and it feels surreal. Like walking into another dimension almost.

They make their way to the kitchen where Sirius and James are playfighting. Mr. Potter is cooking, and he’s a tall handsome man who looks like a copy of James only with a few grey streaks in his hair and a short beard. He smiles at Regulus. "Regulus! Oh it's so nice to meet you!" He rushes over, his apron covered in colorful bits of food. 

Regulus isn’t sure what to feel. Why don’t they use house elves? Do they even have them? Why not use magic? 

He smiles awkwardly and nods, his voice quiet as he responds. “It’s nice to meet you too, sir.”

Mr. Potter chuckles and grins down at him. "Oh none of that! Call me Monty." 

Regulus nods at the command but it feels awkward to call a Father so informally. He forces a small smile, his fingers fidgeting with the edge of his sleeve as he responds. “Okay…Monty.” He has to fight back the urge to cringe.

Monty only grins. 

Effie scolds Sirius and James for messing up the kitchen. But it's playful, nothing like what Walburga would do. 

Regulus suppresses a shudder.

Despite everything, he sees Sirius smiling brightly with James and the tension eases into ache. 

"Something isn't she? That's why I married her." Monty smiles fondly. 

Effie smiles and pats Montys' cheek. "Best decision you've ever made.”

Yeah, that’s ache right there.

The effortless affection and care they share with one another is so different from anything he’s ever known. He doesn’t know what to do. 

So naturally, Regulus' eyes find Sirius. Sirius is laughing at something James said. The light from the window making him shine more than usual. Sirius turns and sees him, he smiles even brighter. 

Regulus’ heart melts at that. Sirius smiling at him. That’s what this all is for. 

For Sirius.

His brother’s smile brightens the room, like with every room he’s in.

Sirius comes over and wraps an arm around his shoulders, talking to Mrs. Potter and Monty. "So. Have you two made him cry yet with your affections?”

He shakes his head, trying to regain composure. “No, they haven’t.” He shoots a glance at the parents, praying that Mrs. Potter doesn’t point out his emotional outburst earlier.

She gives him a knowing glance. "I don't know what you mean, Star! Plus, you were much worse." She smiles at Sirius. 

"I was not!" Sirius cries. 

Monty laughs. "You cried for an hour, son. When Effie first hugged you.”

Regulus’ lips twitch upward into a small at least he isn’t the only one.

His gaze shifts to Monty.

Sirius blushes and pouts, like a child. "Don't embarrass me in front of my brother." 

"Dinners ready!" James calls and they all move to the table, Regulus sits next to Sirius and across from James and Mrs. Potter with Monty at the head. 

Here, Regulus can see Sirius flourishing in this place. Like how fire and air feed each other. 

Oh he aches.

The only thing that helps is how hard Sirius is obviously trying to merge them. He takes Regulus’ plate and starts piling foods from different pots from the center of the table, most of which he doesn’t recognize. Sirius assures him that they aren’t spicy.

It’s actually delicious. 

They talk for a while, Regulus mostly listens. 

Sirius admits he has a lower grade in one class. Walburga would've hit him for it. Monty smiles and shrugs. "That class is always so confusing.”

Huh?

Regulus glances between his brother and Monty in surprise, his eyes widening.

In Grimmauld Place, such a grade would be punished greatly, especially if it were Sirius. He’s still getting used to the fact that this is how normal families act.

Regulus sees Sirius laughing loud and free. He remembers Walburga punishing him for being too loud with his voice. He’s happy for him, it’s all so different but…it makes sense.

Sirius takes his hand under the table. 

Regulus closes his fingers around it, trying to absorb some of his light.

Sirius smiles at him and picks up a small brownie square. Holding it to Regulus' lips. His voice soft. "Try this one.”

Regulus nearly shivers. Sirius doesn’t feed him anymore. They’re both grown and only just recently got back into familiarity. Sirius really shouldn’t try to feed him like this especially infront of the Potter family. 

Helplessly, Regulus can’t resist.

His cheeks heat up and his eyes flick from the brownie to his brothers eyes before he opens his mouth and takes a bite, careful of Sirius’ fingers. The sweet chocolate soothes him and he fights to keep his eyes open to look at Sirius. 

Sirius smiles warmly at him. "Good yeah? Monty bakes these all the time." His voice is soft, just for them. 

He nods back, a small smile tugging at his lips as he swallows the last bit of the brownie. Taking the rest from Sirius’ hand, with his own fingers this time. 

Sirius beams at him. 

He gets it now.

Once everyone is full, Mrs. Potter asks James and Sirius to clean up, leaving Regulus with the parents. 

Sirius and James stand up and start to clear off the table while Mrs. Potter tells him to, "Go relax, love.”

Regulus follows the command easily, hoping to have a moment alone when he sees Monty on the dark leather couch.

Monty smiles at him warmly. "Hey." He pats the seat next to him. 

He sits and glances at Monty, his hands fidgeting unconsciously in his lap as he tries to think of something to say.

What would Sirius use to strike a conversation?

Monty regards him for a moment. "You know...when I first moved to this country, it was such a shock to me...I felt so out of place.”

Regulus takes a breath. “Did you…adjust well enough?” He asks, his voice soft and cautious.

Monty smiles. "At first? Not one bit. I didn't speak any English, i didn't know the customs, traditions...I was hopeless.”

He nods slowly. “It must’ve been very difficult.”

Monty nods back. "It was. Until I met Effie. She helped me more than I could admit. She taught me English and showed me her world..." 

He keeps his voice soft. “You’re lucky…”

Monty looks at him for a moment, and then looks back at where Sirius is. "So are you, son. There've been countless nights where Sirius would go and sit on the roof. He always said he was talking to you, to the stars.”

Regulus can picture it. They used to do that together as kids, sit at the window and look up. 

Sirius still does that.

He swallows the lump in his throat, his eyes still squeezed shut. “Really?” It comes out barely a whisper.

Monty nods, facing him. "I don't know everything. But I do know that that boy loves you, and I know you love him. This is his home, always will be. And I want you to know that it's yours too. Whether you want it or not, the door is always open for you.”

Oh.

His mind can’t wrap his head around the concept that he could have that. A place where he can just be. A home that he’ll always be welcomed in, no matter what.

Sirius has that, not him. Sirius has a home. 

Regulus can feel the heat closing in on him, his air being taken slowly.

His voice cracks a little as he responds, his heart nearly bursting at this point “I– I’m not sure what to say.”

Monty only smiles. "You need people to show you the way. Like my Effie did for me. I think that's Sirius for you. And us too, if you'd let us." He gingerly scoots closer. "I don't mean to overwhelm you at all, son. I just want you to know.”

Regulus opens his eyes and looks up at the man, trying not to cry again.

Fuck, what are these people doing to him?

He lets out a small sniffle as he finally responds, his words coming out hoarse. “…thank you.”

Monty warms at that. He pulls him into a hug. It's fatherly, loving, and warm. 

This time, Regulus does flinch, but Monty holds on and Regulus succumbs to the fact that he won’t be able to escape the Potter-affection.

He hugs back slowly. 

What he finds most surprising is how similar it feels to Mrs. Potters. Except his scent of some nice manly cologne. 

Regulus is so tired. 

Tired of fighting and trying to swim up to the surface only to be engulfed by flames. 

Regulus buries his face in the man’s shoulder, and he does something he never thought he would let himself do. He lets himself cry.

It’s a strange feeling, being held like this by another man, let alone a father figure. But he allows himself to be vulnerable, to wallow in his emotions and take what he desperately needs.

Monty just lets him. Regardless how they've only met a few hours ago and how Regulus waits for the other shoe to drop. He just holds on.

When Regulus finally pulls back, his eyes sting and his head pounds. 

He wipes his face with the back of his hand, forcing himself to stay present as his mind slips from him. “Sorry–” he mutters.

Monty shakes his head, gently rubbing his shoulders. "You don't have to apologize for having emotions. Emotions are human. There's nothing wrong with being human.”

Merlin.

Regulus sniffles softly, he feels small, embarrassed even if those words make him want to curl up and cry again. 

People often talk about drowning. How awful it can feel and the way water can make your lungs feel like they’re burning. But not many people talk about actually being burned. Smothered in heat that steals your oxygen and forces carbon dioxide into you instead. Smoke clouding your vision and forcing you to cough, inhaling more. Scorching. Melting. Blistering. 

He nods though. “I–” he tries to respond, but his throat feels a bit tight.

Monty gently cups his cheek. "Overwhelmed?" He asks kindly, with a warm smile to boot.

Regulus can’t help the nod that his head does. His forehead pounding and aching behind his eyes. 

Monty nods in understanding. "Upstairs. 3rd door on the right." He smiles softly. "Stay as long as you need.

Like a zombie, Regulus nods and stands, the simple instructions helping him feel the slightest bit better. He glances over shoulder at where his brother and the others are, feeling a bit guilty.

“Sirius–” he starts to say, but Monty cuts him off with a wave of his hand.

“Relax. I’m sure he’ll understand. And he knows where to find you if he needs you.”

He nods again and murmurs a small “Thank you” before he makes his way upstairs.

He finds that the door is to a nice bathroom. It's private and clean, and still has the cream color theme.

Regulus walks in quietly and shuts the door behind him, locking it with a small click. 

He walks over to the sink, turning the water on and letting the cool liquid pool into his hands. He splashes the water onto his face, the cold feeling calming down his still heated cheeks and burning eyes.

Oh that’s good.

He stays like that, letting the water extinguish the heat. 

The thoughts from before reenter his mind.

No wonder.

Regulus leans against the counter, his breath still a bit heavy as he tries to calm himself down. 

It’s hard to process all of this, the emotions are so intense and overwhelming. But as he looks at himself, he can see what Sirius fought for. How desperately Sirius needed a place like this, safe and at home. Sirius fought to live.

Regulus knows, truly, that Sirius was dying ever so slowly in Grimmauld. His life was being chipped away from him until the Potters took him. 

Regulus isn’t even mad anymore. He’s just tired. And sad. Sad that he wasn’t able to give this to him. 

He thinks of his own home, the cold and loneliness of an empty, almost museum-like house. 

He wants to stay.

That’s the decision made then. He wants to stay. But he’s much too exhausted to even think about how or what to do about it.

He doesn’t know how long he stays there but there's a knock on the door and Sirius' voice. "Hey Reg? You alright?”

He clears his throat and opens the door, the redness went down but it must still be obvious. “Yeah…I’m alright,” he says quietly, his voice still a bit hoarse.

Sirius thankfully doesn’t comment, "Effie and Monty are watching a movie. They said we could join or we could go to sleep like James is. I know you must be exhausted.”

Regulus nods his agreement, thankful for Sirius and he wishes he could tell him now everything. 

He glances at the living room, uncertain. “I’ll probably skip the movie…” he murmurs, his voice still soft.

Sirius softens, smiling at him. "Come." He leads him to his room. "Remember how I said it was different? Are you ready?”

Regulus huffs softly, Sirius’ room at home was very bleak until a bit before his disownment. Regulus can’t imagine how much of a mess his room now must be. 

He looks at his brother and nods “Yeah.”

Sirius opens the door. The room is obnoxiously Sirius. There's a bright red fuzzy rug on the floor, black sheets on the bed that are rumpled up and unmade, posters of bands on the walls and music vinyls hung up. An open closet filled with clothes. Trinkets everywhere.

Regulus soaks it in. 

There's lots of random jewelry. There's a sketchbook with some flowers and facial features drawn. There's gryffindor merch too, extra scarves and banners. But it's more clean than he thought and it actually looks nice. It’s…Sirius. 

Sirius blushes, standing to the side awkwardly. "What do you think?”

Regulus turns to him with a real smile now. He’s so…proud of him. Sirius fought his way here, into a family that loves him and supports him. He found his personality and style. His passions. 

Regulus didn’t know he liked to sketch anyways. 

“It’s amazing…” he murmurs, his voice soft in adoration.

Sirius relaxes and smiles brightly all at once. He grabs some pijamas for them both to change into

Regulus just watches him and smiles back. “Will…I still be sharing a room with you or…?”

Sirius smiles warmly. "If you wanted. Effie and Monty have saved a room just for you if you ever decided to come live here, but I’d like for you to sleep with me tonight.”

Regulus feels his heart skip a beat. This is a lot to process in one day.

He looks around the room again before nodding softly. “I…I’ll stay here for tonight.”

Sirius smiles and pulls off his shirt. Regulus looks away from him. "I thought so. Besides, it's a plain room with nothing in it. Waiting for you. My room is much more exciting." They get changed.

He runs his hand over the red pajama fabric, a small smile tugging at his lips. “It definitely is…more exciting.” He mutters and changes as well.

Sirius gets into his bed and opens the covers to invite him.

And if that wasn’t the most inviting image after the day he’s had…

He climbs into the bed without another word, and Sirius pulls the covers over them both.

The mattress is squishy and soft. Much different from Grimmauld. The sheets are soft and not silk, thankfully. 

Regulus feels his muscles relax the moment he sinks into the soft mattress, waves of relief crash over him.

He’s still getting used to being open with Sirius but he’s too tired to fight it right now. 

He lets his limbs go limp, his body settling deep into the duvet. He lets out a sigh.

Sirius scoots over and pulls Regulus into a cuddle because of course he does. "A lot for one day hm?” He says in his hair.

He nods softly, his head resting up against his brothers shoulder. “Yeah…” he murmurs, his voice low and quiet. “But…I don’t mind so much.”

"I felt the same way my first time." He gently wraps an arm around him. "You're alright, right? Not feeling anything horrible?”

Regulus relaxes even more. He feels the tension draining out of him with each passing second.

He nods softly, a small smile tugging at his lips. “Yeah…” his voice is soft but certain. “No horrible feelings. Only overwhelmed but I don’t think in a bad way at all.”

Sirius nods. "I get it. Relax then. Sleep." He snuggles close.

Regulus relaxes even more, safe with Sirius as if they’re kids once again. 

He nuzzles his head into the crook of his brothers shoulder, his eyes close naturally when he inhales. “Okay…” he murmurs softly. “Good night.”

"Night Reggie....love you." Sirius says back quietly. 

Regulus feels a warmth flood through him. 

He wants to stay. And he’s going to, for Sirius. 

“Love you too…” he mumbles softly, his eyes shutting and sleep taking over his body.

*** 

Sirius***

Sirius wakes up to the smell of comfort. Soft curls caress under his chin like black ripples in a river. The weight on his shoulder where Regulus lays his head and the weight of the rest of his body sprawled on him feels like one of those weighted blankets; warm, heavy, and soft. 

Sirius basks.

It’s his baby. His baby. Sirius practically raised him and no matter how long of a time passes, Regulus will always be his. 

And Sirius has stopped caring if it’s weird or not to feel this way for him. There’s just so much passion and love there, including hatred and angst. Nothing about it is healthy and Sirius stopped trying to convince himself that it was years ago. 

No, he doesn’t go to a shrink, or whatever they call it. Instead, he has his own brain, yes that’s right, common sense. Sirius has that sometimes. 

Shocker? He hopes not. 

When Sirius got to the Potters to stay permanently, he started noticing things. He noticed how his hands would be violently shaking if he did any minor chore wrong. He noticed how his ears perked up at the sound of footsteps and memorizing whos was whos to properly plan just in case. He noticed himself getting snappy at everyone around him when acting out wasn’t getting him punished like he thought he deserved. He noticed himself also snap whenever Regulus was mentioned to him. He noticed himself trying to protect James whenever he did something wrong at the house. 

For example, one night James had dropped one of the many mugs they had, the handle popping off and a few pieces flew across the ground. James had grunted and begun cleaning and Sirius heard the footsteps approaching. 

Without thinking, Sirius snatched the shards from James and frantically sliced a sharp edge onto the meat under his thumb to make himself bleed. 

“What the fuck–?” James starts and Sirius pushes him aside, standing tall to Monty and Effie and declaring, “I broke the mug. It’s my fault.”

“What? No, I did–”

“James.” Sirius hissed. 

Effie and Monty looked at eachother and Sirius braced himself. This was it, wasn’t it? This was the last straw that would make them finally hit him. 

Except that didn’t happen. Montry pulled him into a very slow and patient hug while Effie cleaned up the shards quietly, everyone silently understanding and Sirius’ world spiraling in on itself. Effie had healed his hand and they had a long conversation about how no one gets purposely hurt in this house and that if Effie ever got her hands on his biological parents, they’d have to hold back her wand and her arms. 

Monty had agreed.

So yes, Sirius has noticed many things and decided after that incident that he needed to fix whatever this was. 

Trauma, James says. 

So he did. Er– he’s getting there. It’s much better than before which is what Sirius is desperately clinging to. He can still feel it in his nervous system, the instinct. But now he knows how to stop lashing out, and to stop the panic attack that would come. He still feels it, but it’s not…in the front anymore if that makes sense. 

Sirius is proud of himself. Where he would usually lash out and snap his jaws, barking when he was scared, now he waits and breathes to calm himself and think before he says anything or moves a muscle. He has a system now, where he would take the deepest breath he can and hold it for a while before letting it out slowly. He would then go through his what would I tell someone who was in my situation? talk with himself, or his it does not rationally make sense for the events I fear to happen to actually happen, therefore panicking is useless talk. They are both equally helpful. 

He thinks this helped when talking to Reggie that night on the astronomy tower because he felt it; the panic and biting. The twitch in his jaw to snap and rip. He could see the shifting in his brothers eyes when he didn’t snap though. It definitely helped and Sirius is very grateful.

Sirius feels his brother take a deep breath in his sleep before huffing it out. Sirius feels the expanding of his chest on his side and the puff of warm air on his collarbones. Carefully, he raises his arm and slowly traces his fingertip up and down Regulus’ shoulder. Just touching the soft fabric there. The warmth of his brothers skin seeping through and making him want to kiss every inch. 

Ah that’s another thing he worked on.

Sirius is in love with his brother and now he has stopped feeling disgusted with it. He still feels guilty and ashamed but not disgusted anymore. 

This one was the only one that no one else knew about but he worked on it just the same. He feels like the love wasn’t something that he could help. With how much he adores Regulus as his brother, he can’t deny how much he would want more. 

For example, whenever something bad happened at Grimmauld, Sirius would protect him and come to his room at night to hold him. He just needed it. And he needed to kiss his cheeks, to pull him as close as possible almost to absorb him completely to keep him safe. He needed to kiss his nose and eyes and cheeks and forehead, chin, jaw, ears, hair, literally anything he could get his lips to. 

He needed to physically pour his love into Regulus somehow and to pull away every bad thought and emotion from him. Sirius needed to press his lips, with words he doesn’t know, to Regulus everywhere because hopefully then Reggie would understand what Sirius can’t say. 

It’s natural then, that Sirius needs to kiss his lips. So much passion comes from that, he knows. He’s kissed and done more with many, not that he’s proud of that anymore but the point is that he knows how much you can express from kissing. 

Sirius needs to kiss Regulus. And he knows it’s so incredibly wrong but he can’t help it. He needs Regulus to know even a little about how much he adores him. Sirius also wants to pull him in. He wants to taste Regulus and be reassured that he’s real and with him. Never hurt again, never left. 

Sirius wants to slip his tongue in and breathe in the air he lets out. Just to have anything from him. Anything to connect them deeper than ever before. 

Fuck, Sirius needs it. 

But he can’t have it and that’s okay. He’s accepted that too now. 

But that doesn’t mean he won’t bask in this morning.

He caresses his shoulder and kisses the top of his head. He smells like home. He has no idea what they’re going to do today. Probably go out shopping or maybe play Quidditch with James. Maybe Sirius can convince everything in the world to stop so that he can bask a bit longer.

Regulus mumbles something he can’t hear and Sirius smiles at the groggy voice. 

Precious.

Regulus stirs from where he’s laying half ontop of Sirius and he lifts his head up to look at him. 

Oh, Sirius is going to combust.

His curls are all wonky from tossing at night. His eyes are squinty and his lips are in a small pout. His white skin is pink on one side of his face where he was resting on Sirius’ shoulder and his eyebrows are drawn together slightly as he reorients himself. 

It takes everything in Sirius not to kiss him then and there. 

“Mmmm.” Regulus mumbles up at him. 

“Goodmorning.” Sirius says in the softest voice he can manage. 

“Hmph…mmm?” Regulus brings a fist up to rub at his eyes just like he used to.

Sirius checks the clock above his bedroom door, “Half past 9.” 

Regulus nods as if he knew already what the time was and Sirius chuckles before he can bite it back.

“Grmm.” Regulus grumbles, frowning and attempting to glare. Oh Sirius can’t survive this. 

“Food?” Sirius asks because he knows. 

Regulus nods, his frown gone and he rolls off of Sirius and stretches. 

In the days leading up to going to the Potters, they spent nights together but they couldn’t sleep in like this. Sirius would always wake up with Regulus long gone and the bed cold until it rolled down to nighttime again. 

Sirius knows his Reggie needs food in the morning to fully come back alive and he vows to complete this wish. He hasn’t gotten to show off that he can cook yet and suddenly, it’s very very important that he shows it. 

He rolls up off of bed and stretches his arms up high, his back and shoulders giving a satisfying pop that has him groan in relief. He heads for the door and waits for Regulus to sling on one of his long sleeved shirts and a better pair of pants even in this sleepy state, the snob. 

Sirius stands there and smirks, leaning on the doorframe and opens the door for him. Regulus grumbles as he walks past, nothing coherent but Sirius knows what he’s saying anyways. 

Don’t make fun of me and don’t give me that look. At least I dress nicely and properly while you look like a soggy towel.

Sirius feels a quiet laugh bubble out of him as he follows him down the stairs. 

Immediately, his newfound dreams to cook for Reggie is squashed because Effie has already laid out treats and various foods on the table. Effie and Monty must be out already while James will sleep until noon. James usually wakes up earlier to go for a run but today is his rest day and Sirius is silently glad for the privacy. 

“Sit, I’ll make your tea.” Sirius says. “Eat everything you can, Merlin knows Effie made too much for you.”

Regulus huffs and sits on the chair in the corner, back straight and poised. 

Sirius could squish him. 

Sirius makes a simple black tea, adding a bit of milk and honey for him just the way he likes it and for himself the same but he adds a spoonful of sugar as well. 

He sets the mug to Regulus’ plate and delights to see that he has filled his plate himself and already started eating.

Progress. 

Back at Grimmauld, they did not do that. Mornings were where they woke at 6:30, changed and got presentable and at 7 they would sit at the dining table as the elves would bring their small portions. They wouldn’t start eating until Orion sat down and took the first bite. 

Sirius sits across from him, purposely distancing himself to not reach out and grab him, pepper him with kisses or worse. 

Sirius waits for Regulus to speak first. He knows that Regulus is not talkative until he’s eaten and had his tea. 

It’s this time that he takes to appreciate Regulus’ features up close that he couldn’t do this morning with Regulus’ face buried on his chest. 

He’s beautiful. People say they look alike but Sirius doesn’t see it. Regulus has a rounder face compared to Sirius’ long one. His lips, when relaxed, are downturned whereas Sirius’ are upturned. Their skin and noses are the same, he’ll give them that. Regulus’ eyes and eyebrows are sharper than Sirius’ too. Sirius’ are naturally more seductive looking. Even their eye color is slightly different. No one notices except them, since they used to stay up at night as kids comparing eachother. Sirius’ eyes are more stormy grey, silver like and Regulus’ have hints of blue in the center of the irises. Sirius has memorized where each fleck is in each eye. 

Their hair is also different. Where Sirius has plucked and meticulously keeps track of his eyebrows, Regulus’ are less kept, being more masculine that way and yet still well-groomed. Regulus’ jaw is also not as feminine as Sirius’. At least not anymore, Sirius remembers when he had puffy cheeks and a round face. He’s so handsome. 

Sirius has also let his hair grow out. He likes the length to be just past his shoulders, long enough for a bun but not too long that it would get caught under his arms at night. Sirius’ hair is wavy and if he does the routine, he can get curls, but he could never get Reggies curls. 

Regulus’ hair is also pitch black like their whole family, but his is just plain curly. Perfect little ringlets that Sirius liked to tug on and watch as it bounced back as kids. Now, Reggies hair curls just at his ears. It’s boyish and adorable, not that Sirius could ever say that outloud, Regulus would flay him. 

He’s so handsome. Sirius knows that he himself is gorgeous, he’s had many people tell him so and he can see it plain as day. But Regulus is just…Sirius wants to stare at him all day and all night. Which is exactly what he’s been doing for the past 15 minutes until Regulus breaks that silence. 

“No house elves?”

Sirius shakes his head. “They used to have one, before I came here but she retired.”

Regulus pauses midchew and blinks, then he nods, “Right.” 

Sirius smiles, he knows it’s unheard of and that Regulus is confused. 

Regulus sips his tea with a hum and looks up at him properly, eyes more open and face more awake. “Good morning.”

Sirius is pretty sure his heart melts out of his body. 

—

The morning passes softly, domestic, and Sirius loves every second. He’s taking advantage of every single moment and absorbing it to keep it forever. 

When Effie and Monty come back, they greet them with hugs and kisses that Regulus blushes from. Monty also says he has the tree strapped to his car that they need to bring down. 

Sirius yelps in excitement and screams for James to “Get down here already!” making Regulus jump and glare at him but he doesn’t care. 

Since coming to the Potters, he’s learned that the tree is the best part of Christmas. The presents are nice, yes and he adores his found family but the tree is what makes him entranced. It’s colorful and bright. Filled with a rainbow of ornaments and lights. There’s never a consistent color. It’s never precisely spaced out either. He and James had made little puff ball snowmen that they attach together. Sirius makes a mental note to get Regulus to make one too. 

There’s candy canes and gingerbread specifically for the tree so that it smells divine. There’s a small ornament with 3 penguins making a family. A messy drawn on pair of glasses on the baby penguin, made when James was little. 

There’s a train set in a circle that goes on the base of the tree that Sirius adores no matter how much he gets teased for it. 

He would spend hours staring at the tree and he can't wait to show Regulus. 

James tumbles down the stairs. For being a stag, the man is the farthest thing from graceful. 

James beams, continuing to walk as he adjusts his glasses. “C’mon!” and he bolts out the door with Sirius on his tail leaving Regulus to watch at the doorway. 

It’s a big tree, nothing too extraordinary but big enough that Monty can’t lift it anymore with his back and that James and Sirius have to lift it together. 

James, the one with more muscle mass, takes the bottom of the trunk while Sirius heaves up the middle onto his shoulder and they carry it inside. 

Sirius looks over to see Regulus staring at them, eyes widened at the size of the tree and a faint blush over his cheeks probably from the cold. He meets his eyes and quickly looks away, becoming even more pink. 

Sirius preens and they set the tree up. 

“Regulus, be a dear and help me with groceries?” Effie asks and Regulus immediately follows her back into the kitchen. 

Sirius looks to James and smiles brighter than he has in a long time. 

James returns it, “Alright?” he asks soft and quiet.

Sirius nods, “Yes. I– I can’t believe he’s really…you know?” 

James nods, “Do you think he will actually stay?” 

Sirius nods and realizes it’s true, he genuinely does think so and oh, how relieving that is. 

James softens and smiles brighter. “Good. Come here.” he opens his arms and Sirius falls in easily. 

They fit so well together, Sirius has learned early on that James can mold into anyone he hugs. For Lily, he’d bend down into her. For Frank, he’d reach around to engulf him. For Sirius, he’s perfectly equal and welcoming. They always meet in a bear hug, heads buried together and silently comforting eachother. 

This hug reads i’m happy that you’re happy. I love you. I love you too.

Sirius pulls away and smiles at him, James smiles back. 

—

When they head back to the kitchen, Effie shoos Regulus away while she cooks. Sirius brings Regulus to the living room and lays a blanket on the hardwood floor, then brings Regulus to sit on it, explaining that they’ll decorate and sort through ornaments. 

“Why not use magic?” comes Regulus’ stiff voice when James goes to get the boxes.

He won’t meet his eye for some reason and Sirius wonders if Effie might’ve said something that triggered anything accidentally. “Uh– I’m not sure really, it’s nice to go through it and look at the memories I think. And it’s tradition.” 

Regulus hums and says nothing else. 

Sirius starts to fret a bit and he distracts them when James comes with the ornaments. He shows Regulus that they can be put anywhere and Regulus huffs in discontent. 

“What?” Sirius frowns. 

“No structure at all? No balance or aesthetic?”

Sirius’ frown deepens, the bright red ball he held up he brings to his chest. “No. It’s better like this, more fun.”

“Right. Better.” Regulus says. 

Sirius takes a breath and puts the ornament up before speaking. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, Sirius.”

“You have your ‘stick up my ass’ face.”

“I do not–”

“You do! Your face is squinchy!”

“What even is that word? That doesn’t exist!”

“I made it up! Merlin, can’t you just–”

“No, you can’t make up words that make no sense, how am I supposed to converse with you?” Regulus throws his arms out.

“It makes sense, it’s not my fault you don’t understand it with that stick. up. your. Ass.”

“Oh you–”

“Boys.” Effie halts their bickering and gives them both a look. 

Sirius takes a slow breath and calms his nervous system before turning to Regulus. 

Regulus bows his head to Effie, “I apologize, I forgot that we could be heard. I did not mean to disturb you.”

Effie softens and waves a hand. “You’re fine dear, you didn’t. I know what sibling arguments are like, my sister and I had them often. Just make sure to talk it through and not argue about small things that could be solved with a bit more patience.” and with that, she walks back to the kitchen.

Regulus blinks in her direction before looking at the floor. A series of thoughts and calculations filters through his eyes. Sirius knows this of course. They weren’t punished or yelled at, it’s new. 

Sirius lets him have the moment and goes back to organizing ornaments, putting a few of the plain ones up on the tree already. 

Eventually though, Effie, Monty, and James take over and they go through the ornaments together. Sharing small stories of James’ childhood that Sirius already knows. When he glances at Regulus, he sees the same longing and distance that he himself did when he first came. 

It took a while for Sirius to understand that he was a part of the family completely, not as a temporary guest, and he knows it will take Regulus even longer to get there.

Sirius takes Regulus to the kitchen with the excuse of baking cookies to give the Potters some time alone. Thankfully, Regulus moves without a fuss. 

Sirius sets up the ingredients and measurements, he knows the recipe by now for sugar cookies and his heart warms up with pride. 

“Ready?” Sirius asks.

Regulus is standing to the side of the refrigerator, one hand holding his other elbow shyly. 

Only Sirius has ever gotten to see a shy Regulus and yes, it melts him.

Sirius instructs Regulus to wash his hands and pull up his sleeves which he does thoroughly. Sirius tries not to stare at his brothers pale forearms and long fingers. He loves those hands. He remembers when they were small and chunky, grabbing at him whenever possible. And now they’re long and thin, boney and elegant and pale. 

And he’s staring. 

Sirius shakes himself out of it and puts a bowl infront of Regulus, instructing him to mix the dry ingredients while he mixes the wet. 

This proves to be messy though because Sirius should’ve known better. It’s not 5 seconds in when he feels a fluff of flour hit the side of his face and eye. He winces and rubs it out.

Regulus puts down the bowl and turns to him, “Shit! I’m sorry– I didn’t think it would–” 

Sirius quickly grabs a pinch of flour and hauls it at his shirt in retribution. 

Regulus gasps, his nice long sleeve now patterned with puffs of white. His eyes rise slowly from his shirt and he glares daggers into Sirius’ soul.

It takes everything in him not to shiver.

“Oh you did not.” Regulus’ low voice grumbles.

Sirius can’t help but smile, “Oops?”

Regulus’ eyes flash dangerously and since Sirius knows him, knows this look, he ducks immediately when another quick puff of flour hits right above him and he laughs, grabbing his own handful and throwing it in Reggies direction.

“This is my cashmere shirt, Sirius!” Regulus throws a handful and his arms cross over his face when Sirius throws some back. Sirius can see the pinched way his lips are turned as he tries desperately not to smile. 

“Good, it’ll add to the texture, you posh little–” Sirius cuts off when flour gets in his mouth. He sputters and puffs out the fluff before it turns into goo in his mouth and he sputters. 

Regulus finally lets out a soft laugh, “How’s that for texture, Siri?”

His body warms up at the old nickname and he stands up straighter, coming to just above Regulus’ height and he can feel himself grin. 

Regulus’ eyes widen a bit and his smile drops, “Oh shit.” 

And because they’re brothers, and they know eachother, they both sprint across the living room and into the backyard, Sirius chasing him just like they used to. 

The chill bites at his skin and the thin sheet of snow crunches under him but he doesn’t care, he’d follow Regulus into the depths of Tartarus or over the highest mountain.

Regulus sprints off, glancing back to reveal a smile that immediately protects Sirius from the cold and gives him the motivation to leap forward. 

Sirius loves running, especially as Padfoot although he can’t change now. Not infront of the Potters or Reg. But he loves running as Sirius anyways. The wind in his hair and the quick beating of his heart that speeds and pumps harder, the way he can just be free.

It isn’t long before Sirius, with his slightly longer legs, catches him, sending them both tumbling into the snow and rolling over eachother for dominance. 

Sirius can see a mess of white skin and black curls as those boney fingers he loves poke and tickle him until he’s gasping for air and flat on his back. 

“Ha! I win!” Regulus lets out a delighted grunt and Sirius can see nearly all his teeth from how wide he smiles. It’s what makes him laugh and relax his whole body into the snow. The ice sticking and starting to melt into his clothes and onto his back. 

Regulus has Sirius’ wrists pinned to either side of his head and he sits on his thighs. 

He’s beautiful. Forget about handsome. Regulus is gorgeous. His curls flop down towards Sirius and his cheeks are pink from the cold. His breath is in soft pants, visible in the air. 

“You got me. Can I get up now or do you want me to freeze?” Sirius finds that his voice is softer than he intended. 

Regulus rolls his eyes and gets off, not even offering a hand to help him because he’s his brother which means he’s a twat.

They trudge back inside, wet and cold and flour stuck to their clothes. The snow outside that was once a perfect level is down broken up and brown from their tumbling and the dirt underneath. 

Regulus walks inside first and they see James in the kitchen, finishing the cookies with a flippant, “Who won?” 

Regulus lifts his chin, “What a stupid question.” and he walks upstairs. 

Sirius laughs and follows, calling back to James, “We’ll be back down to help in a minute.”

“Yep.” James says back. 

Regulus and Sirius get to their room and cast a few cleaning charms, careful with Regulus’ cashmere and start drying their clothes. Sirius keeps his eyes on the ground. 

“Sorry.” comes Regulus’ soft murmur. 

Sirius frowns in confusion and looks up, “For what?”

Regulus fiddles with the sleeves of his jumper and shakes his head, “For earlier, snapping.”

Sirius nods. Usually they don’t apologize to each other for their fits, but he guesses this is what growth is supposed to be. 

“No worries. You’re okay.” Sirius smiles gently. “Do you wanna tell me what upset you?”

“Not really.” Regulus makes a face as if he’s disgusted just thinking about it. 

“Okay. Well you can tell me if or when you want.” Sirius prods a bit, sitting down on the edge of the bed once his clothes finally dry after a few minutes. 

Regulus stands there and pauses. Sirius wants to know. If he did something or said something, he doesn’t want to do it again. He doesn’t want to do anything that could make Regulus not want to stay with him. 

Regulus shakes his head, “It’s not really the time. Don’t you want to go bake with James?”

Sirius tries for a smile, “I wanted to bake with you until you floured me.”

Regulus huffs and sits next to him, “That was an accident, it wasn’t meant to start a fight, you buffoon.” 

Sirius chuckles and Regulus continues, “But it’s James. Go spend time with him instead.”

Sirius watches him for a moment, noting the closed off look in his eyes and how he stares at the floor. 

“Do you want some space or do you think that’s what I want?” Sirius asks and wow, he really is starting to sound like James. 

“Both. Either. Whatever.” Regulus shrugs. “He’s much better at baking than I am, I’m sure.”

That’s when it clicks for Sirius. Regulus is jealous and feeling the sting of it. Sirius has always known that they didn’t like each other especially since in Regulus’ head James stole Sirius from him. Which is absolutely ridiculous in Sirius’ opinion because no one is more important than Regulus, James had saved him. James is his best friend that he loves but it’s different. Regulus is his baby. 

Regulus must see how close they are and miss having that with Sirius even though he would never admit it, but Sirius knows. He knows him deeply, knows his soul. 

“Reggie, I’d like to stay with you. It doesn’t matter if James is better at baking, I like the way you tried. That’s all I want, you to try.” 

Regulus meets his eyes and they know they’re not talking about baking, not really, not anymore. 

“What if I’m even worse at it than you expect?” Regulus whispers, his eyes widened, “And what if I accidentally flood the kitchen or trip and hurt you?”

Sirius understands, “I’m strong, I can handle a little flood if you break the sink as long as I get to keep you.” Sirius blinks and quickly adds, “Here.” Keep you here.

Regulus’ throat bobs and he takes a breath, “Sirius, I’m really bad at it. I don’t think you’re grasping just how bad. You know I’ve never baked before.”

Sirius feels the tug and he can’t resist. He scoots closer and wraps one arm around his back and the other hand he brings up to his face to turn him. “Reggie I don’t care. I know you’re bad at baking because you’ve never done it before. What did you think? That I popped into the kitchen and suddenly was a master at it? I still mess up sometimes. I use too many eggs or I slip and the pan flies out of my hands, that’s normal. I’m not asking you to be good at it, I’m asking for you to just be in the kitchen. Let me teach you how to bake over time.”

Regulus is looking up at him with widened eyes glistening with unshed tears. His lips parted slightly and Sirius can’t really take it. He leans in and as gently as he can, kisses his cheek slow and soft. He feels Regulus sigh and drop his shoulders. 

It’s all the consent he needs and Sirius brushes his lips over his brothers skin. Softly and delicately kissing as if not to wilt any petal on a flower while smelling it. Sirius kisses just over his eyes once they’re closed and onto his eyebrow, moving to his forehead and kissing down the line of his nose. He feels the warmth of his skin seeping into him and Regulus melts against him. Eyes closed, lips parted, and leaning into it as if he needed this just as much. 

Sirius continues, he leaves soft kisses across his face, down the side of his nose and onto his other cheek. They’re barely even kisses honestly, he’s brushing his lips as gently as possible, merely opening and closing them just to move them along his skin with purpose. 

Sirius can feel his breath ghost his face and he can’t stop. His hand moves into the soft curls and he kisses along his jawline. There’s barely any stubble there and Sirius wants to bite him for it, for something so natural and yet it’s a fact he wouldn’t have known if he wasn’t kissing him there. Sirius kisses up his jawline and to his chin. It’s intoxicating. The softness of his face and the short puffs of air between them. His fingers bury into his curls and he kisses just the corner of his lips. There’s lights in his mind and sparks go through his nervous system, spreading out down his spine. 

“Siri…” Regulus whispers almost breathless and suddenly Sirius can’t. He just can’t. Not when Regulus needs his older brothers reassurance. He doesn’t need this perverted side of him that’s ugly and greedy. Sirius swallows and pulls back, holding Regulus’ hair in place to stop him from leaning back in. 

He’s flushed and breathing heavier than usual, his eyes flutter open and his pupils are wider. Sirius can nearly see himself in their beautiful depths. The blue specks flicker up at him as if to say ‘hi, I missed you, please don’t leave’. Sirius watches him carefully, trying to give him support as he’s clearly upset still. 

“Will you try?” Sirius whispers once he remembers what they were talking about before he got carried away. 

Regulus’ lips close and he swallows, his eyes refocus and he nods, making Sirius’ heart skip.

“Yes.” Regulus says, looking up at him. 

Sirius can feel the lump forming in his throat. “You want to stay?” his voice cracks at the end.

“Yes. I want– I want to stay.” Regulus says more strongly. 

Finally. That's it, isn't it? After all this time, he can finally do what he's always wanted, keep his brother safe by his side. 

With him, Reggie will be always safe and sound. 

He’s staying.

He’s staying.

Sirius swallows the lump in his throat down and pulls back again, putting enough space between their faces, “I love you.” because what else can he possibly say?

Regulus’ eyes flutter and soften, “I love you too.”

“Sirius!” James calls from downstairs. Their clothes have long since dried and cleaned. The spell only taking a few seconds to finish anyways. 

Sirius and Regulus part and Sirius swallows, standing up and putting as much distance as he can now. Forcing himself to calm, his brother doesn’t need the not-so-platonic feelings from him.