Work Text:
The person Yoonchae looks at in the mirror is not the one she’s used to seeing everyday. Well, she’s been seeing this person in her reflection for the past, what, six months? By now she surely would’ve been unfazed every time she looks at herself through the glass but that was unfortunately not the case. For a moment, she wonders why she even decided to cut her hair in the first place, especially because she always avoids getting her hair touched in the slightest by a hairstylist. Back when she was young, she always begged her parents to not take her to go get barely any trim, and one day she refused to get in the car and her mom just gave up. Obviously, there would be times where her hair was way too long and when it began to get on her nerves Yoonchae did go to get a haircut – but she never let an inch of dye touch her hair, or got a fancy cut, but now at nineteen she’s standing in front of the mirror in her apartment with a v-cut layer haircut wondering why.
Then she remembers why.
“You know,” Megan says while grabbing another piece of ramen from the bag of PPUSHU PPUSHU Yoonchae had bought her earlier that morning, “I think you would look good with one of those haircuts that makes your hair look like a ‘V’.”
Yoonchae raises an eyebrow in the reflection of her mirror to the girl sitting on her bed as she brushes her hair, “What do you mean?” She has never once cared about hair styles or cuts so she’s confused on what she’s talking about unless she gets shown a photo.
Megan gets up from the bed, walks up behind Yoonchae, and slowly traces the outline of her hair with her fingers. “Like this,” She says softly. Her touch is light and gentle, and Yoonchae leans back a little so Megan rests her chin on top of her head. They don’t have much of a height difference (in fact, Yoonchae is slightly taller then Megan) but since Yoonchae is slouching a bit and Megan still has her ginormous platforms on, the older is hovering over her just a little.
Yoonchae pulls out her phone out of her pocket and searches up ‘haircuts for girls that are v shaped’. She tilts her phone so Megan can see the screen, “This one?”
Megan’s face immediately lights up, “Yeah! A v-cut layer!” She wraps her arms around Yoonchae’s waist, “I think you would look so pretty with that. I mean, you’re already really pretty but you know what I mean.”
Yoonchae’s face flushes a little and Megan notices when she looks at her through the mirror, “Aw, you’re blushing!” She’s smiling so hard that her whisker dimples are showing.
“I’m not.” Yoonchae tries to deny but the both of them can see the way her cheeks and ears are now a crimson red. She giggles to herself, “You really think it would suit me?”
“Yeah, I might be a little biased though,” Megan mumbles when she presses a kiss to the top of Yoonchae’s hair. “But I’ll love anything you do, Yoon. I–”
No. Stop. Stop right there.
Love is the most complicated feeling anyone can experience. It’s a privilege given to people who let others wake up in the morning with a smile on their face when they think of their person. Yet, it can cause everyone involved to suffer. You do stupid things when you love someone, like getting jealous because you saw your partner with someone else and automatically assumed the worst without asking any questions, or leaving them to protect one another from something that seems so silly on the surface. However, when you look beneath the so-called obvious layers, you’ll find the more complicated reasons that were forcibly shoved under the apparent ones.
Yoonchae looks away from the face that looked too much like the girl Megan loved. It’s still complicated for Yoonchae to think about them even after they’ve been broken up for months. Their break-up was mutual, with the both of them agreeing it would be better if they went their own ways. Yoonchae convinced herself that she was over Megan. But then why did Yoonchae’s heart ache every time she thought of Megan, or why can’t she clear out photos of them in her digital camera that she hasn’t been able to pick up for a while now, or why did she still refuse to text Megan asking if she can finally get her hoodie back?
Speaking of texting Megan, Yoonchae thinks she’s still on delivered. In fact, she’s willing to bet twenty dollars she is.
Despite everything, they had also agreed to stay friends, which might’ve been because they were both in a friendgroup with the same people and it would’ve been awkward otherwise. They’ll send TikTok’s to one another here and there, or they’ll both sit beside each other when the girls go out to eat despite never willingly talking to each other. They almost never texted unless it was something about their friends.
Yoonchae checks her phone for the first time that morning and when she opens up the chat between her and Megan, her suspicions are confirmed true.
hey, do yk if we have to turn in our uniforms by the weekend?
Sent at 11:14 P.M, Delivered
She sighs. Megan used to always give a fast response back when they were still dating, but obviously things have changed since then.
She glances at the time and sees it’s fifteen minutes until ten so she gets dressed to go meet up with Sophia. She chooses baggy, ripped jeans and a pink cardigan as her outfit and leaves her apartment. They had agreed to meet up at the coffee shop nearby, so the walk over there isn’t very long. On average, it takes about three minutes to arrive but for some reason Yoonchae walks slowly. She has an uneasy gut feeling growing in the pit of her stomach but she can’t put her finger on it. Maybe it’s because she’s bothered about Megan still not reading her message, but why would she still be upset?
She walks in and it’s almost empty, which she finds really surprising because she expected tons of other college students to be filling up the tables. There’s almost no one here though, and when she moves her head to look around she sees Sophia and Megan sitting down together in a corner.
Megan.
Yoonchae freezes for a moment, then laughs in disbelief at her dumb luck. So that’s she felt uneasy. She must’ve been a little too loud, because the both of them instantly turned their heads to face her. Sophia waves happily like the person she is, whereas Megan just sends a half-smile her way.
She manages to regain her composure and walks over to them and her footsteps are a little heavier than she wanted. “Why are you here?” She doesn’t mean to sound rude about it, but she could’ve at least gotten a heads-up beforehand.
“Sounds like someone doesn’t want me here,” Megan jokes with a grin on her face. Yoonchae can’t tell if she shrugs it off or she’s hurt by it. Megan wasn’t easy to read. Yoonchae on the other hand could be read like an open book.
“Did you not see my message?” Sophia asks, a little stunned.
“What message?”
Megan tries to stifle a laugh but fails to do so, and it’s like music to Yoonchae’s ears. She’s over her. It’s just nice to hear one of her friends laugh. Right.
Yoonchae takes out her phone and once again checks the messages app, and there’s two new messages from Sophia that she had sent about an hour ago. She was so distracted with Megan leaving her on delivered that she hadn’t realized Sophia had in fact informed her that Megan was coming.
“My bad,” She apologizes, and Sophia shakes her head, reassuring her it’s no big deal. She raises an eyebrow towards the younger, are you okay? Of course she noticed the way Yoonchae’s shoulders tensed when she saw Megan. Yoonchae could frown and Sophia would instantly know all of her problems just from that one facial expression. If she really wanted to, Sophia could end every therapist's career in mere seconds.
“I’ll be back, I’m gonna go to the restroom.” And in an instant, Sophia leaves the two exes by themselves. Yoonchae figures she did it on purpose so they have a chance to talk.
Yoonchae sits down across from Megan hesitantly. The older tries to look at anything else but Yoonchae but ultimately fails to do so because her eyes trail down to admire her outfit. They sit in silence awkwardly. The air shifts with tension and Megan looks down to watch her hands fidget in her lap.
“Have you seen my message?” It’s a stupid question and Yoonchae knows it, but she’s curious as to how Megan will respond.
Megan looks up suddenly, “You sent me a message?”
“Yeah,” Yoonchae clears her throat. “Last night.”
“Oh,” Megan looks really embarrassed. “Sorry, I haven’t–”
“It’s fine,” It’s clear that from Yoonchae’s tone it really isn’t, but she doesn’t want to make a big deal about it. “I was just asking about our uniforms.”
Megan looks confused for a split second until a lightbulb goes off in her head. “Ah, that…we’re allowed to keep them, but we’ll get our new uniforms at our next shift.” Because oh right, they both work at a convenience store near Megan’s apartment. Before they had begun dating and were still only friends, they both mutually agreed to take a shift because it was easy and had good pay. Although their shifts had been switched time and time again, they had always found a way to have a date with each other. Those days are over now.
Yoonchae nods, “Guess I’ll see tonight.”
“Right. I always forget you work Friday night shifts.”
Then it’s silent again. Yoonchae begins to wonder if Sophia got lost on her way to the restroom because what was taking her so long?
“How are you and him doing?” She says as if it’s the most casual thing in the world.
“Fine.” Megan answers. Yoonchae anticipated that she would reply dryly like she always does when they bring her boyfriend up. Maybe Megan feels bad talking about her new partner with her former partner, but Yoonchae has told her that she doesn’t care, because she doesn’t, she really doesn’t.
They’ve been going out for about a month and a half now, and Yoonchae really couldn’t care less about how long it’s been. (She does.) She just remembers when Lara sent a photo to the group chat of him and Megan laughing together while sharing a soda at a party and captioned it I think she’s happy. Yoonchae recalls the exact moment when her muscles tensed, then relaxed in painful resignation. As long as she was happy, that’s all that mattered, but even while having that mindset, Yoonchae cried herself to sleep that night.
Although no one dares to say it outloud, everybody assumes that’s why Megan hasn’t been on her phone as much as she used to. Same goes with how often she goes out with the girls, another reason why Yoonchae was so surprised to see her today. She had only met the guy once at Daniela’s birthday party she held, and he was nice enough for the most part. He was kind of cute, there were a lot better looking guys roaming around campus or entering the convenience store late at night. But like Yoonchae told herself repeatedly, as long as he made her happy that was all that mattered.
Sophia had finally returned from the restroom and that was about the same time a waitress had come by and delivered their coffee. Her gaze had lingered a little too long on Yoonchae and Megan asked a stupid question, something about where they got their sugar from just to snap her out of her mesmerized trance. The waitress had a sheepish look on her face as she walked away and Yoonchae couldn’t help but feel confused about the whole encounter. Sophia’s eyes dart over to the crumbled napkin that had somehow gotten on their table and when she opens it up she sees a number written in the neatest hand-writing possible. Before Yoonchae can react, Megan scoffs and rips it into pieces. “Bullshit,” She mutters under her breath. Sophia chuckles to herself as she shifts the conversation to what they were here for in the first place.
Weird, Yoonchae thinks.
-
“You know, it doesn’t have to be so awkward every time we hang out.” Megan tells her as they walk together to the parking lot. Sophia had to leave a little early to meet up with Manon for something (She refused to tell them what it was about, but Yoonchae had figured out weeks ago that they were in a talking stage so they must be going on a date.) which now meant it was just the two of them. By themselves. Again.
“It’s just you that feels awkward.” Yoonchae replies. She runs her fingers through her hair, the same hair that she changed months ago just because Megan told her to do so when they were still dating. “We’re just friends chatting together. Right?”
Megan hums in agreement even though she knows damn well Yoonchae feels awkward as well. “Right.” She stands in place suddenly, and Yoonchae doesn’t notice until she’s a few steps in front of her.
She turns around to face Megan, a small pout growing on her face, “Why do you seem upset?”
Because I am, Megan almost blurts out, but she bites her tongue. Instead, she says, “I don’t think it’s hard to go back to normal, is it?”
Yoonchae fights the urge to laugh, although there’s nothing that she said that was funny. Hard to go back to normal? Was their’ normal’ being friends all along? What a joke. Even after their break-up, Megan was still oblivious to how Yoonchae felt about anything. Yeah, maybe it was hard for Yoonchae to navigate her and Megan’s relationship as ‘normal’ even after everything they had shared together. Yoonchae loved her, fuck, she still loves her, but the words are stuck in her throat, and it doesn’t matter anyway because she’s moved on. They both have. And at one point, Megan loved her as well. ‘Loved’ is what she considers it, because there’s no way she would be with her boyfriend otherwise. They were good together. They were happy together. But Yoonchae knows that Megan would’ve given her a star from the sky if she had asked for it.
Yoonchae was happiest when she was anywhere near her girlfriend. Everybody noticed, too. They were always clinged to one another even in public without a single ounce of guilt. Any moment they spent together was filled with love and happiness. Hell, Megan was also Yoonchae’s first time. As much as she tries to convince herself she hates thinking back to that night, she refuses to gaslight herself into thinking it meant nothing. She perfectly remembers how Megan brought her back to her apartment after Yoonchae had finished all of her exams for the year, how she kissed her like nothing else mattered in the world, how between her twisted, sweaty sheets Megan made her feel good and loved, whispering praises in her ear as they both reached their high. She can’t forget the morning after when she woke up to Megan back hugging her and murmuring the softest things Yoonchae couldn’t even dream of hearing until she met her.
And this stupid haircut Yoonchae currently had right now was all because of her. She relives the moment her chair had spun and saw her brand new look for the first time. Her first thought was wow, I actually really like this. Her second was Megan will love this. She had gone home later that day when the sun had set and called her girlfriend practically all night, waiting for her to pick up the facetime call to show her how great her taste in hair styles was. Megan eventually did pick up after twenty-six missed calls and was rushing out words in a non-understandable way, apologizing that she was with her family until she stopped mid-sentence and squealed at how pretty Yoonchae looked.
So yes, it is hard to go back to normal.
“I wish I never let us fall out,” Yoonchae admits, but she says it in Korean so only she can understand it. In a way, it has a double meaning. Their relationship had fallen out and now they were both just friends by a mere thread, but the hair hovering over her face is a constant reminder of what they had as well.
Megan nods as if she understands. Well, maybe she does. Yoonchae knows Megan was learning Korean just for her when they were dating, and she had actually gotten pretty far. Perhaps she still is, or she dropped the language because there was seemingly no use for it anymore.
She changes the topic and turns around to face forward, “So what are you gonna do for your twenty-first birthday?”
Megan catches up to Yoonchae so now they’re walking side-by-side but there’s still some distance between them. “Not sure yet. I think I might just want to go out to eat with you guys, then spend some time with–”
Her words get cut off by the sound of her phone ringing. “Speaking of which,” Megan forces a laugh and picks up. “Hey babe, what’s up?”
Yoonchae rolls her eyes in sheer annoyance. He always has shitty timing, and this time he interrupted a moment between the two of them! It’s like he had a third eye watching Megan at every hour of the day. Does he ever go five minutes without speaking to her? Yoonchae has seen texts between them a few times and holy shit he texts her more than he probably drinks water. She recalls the big eye roll Lara gave Megan when she said that she found it cute. Manon and Sophia both gagged at her words while Daniela just sighed. Yoonchae sat there as if she wasn’t hearing any part of the conversation but it really irritated her.
Yoonchae was zoning out as the conversation between Megan and her boyfriend dragged on for what felt like ages. She had lost track of how many cars passed by as they stood on the sidewalk. She tried to distract herself by looking at her shoes and acted like the shoelaces were suddenly the most interesting thing on Earth. Her distraction was no use, however, because when Megan abruptly tapped her shoulder she jumped and looked at her with wide eyes.
Yoonchae didn’t realize that Megan had hung up the call, but now there was a huge frown on her face and Yoonchae couldn’t figure out why. “I have to go.”
“Already?” The words slip out of her mouth before she can stop herself. “You can’t even walk me back to my apartment?” Her disappointment is clear, and she doesn’t even have to hear Megan say it’s because of her boyfriend.
“Sorry,” Megan says, full of guilt. “It’s because–”
“Of him, right?” Yoonchae cuts her off. “I get it.”
Every time Yoonchae spoke like that, they were bound to get into an argument. For a split second, the younger thought that was exactly what was about to happen until Megan sighs and her shoulders slump. “I’ll see you soon, then.” Guess she finds it as pointless as Yoonchae does, or maybe she doesn’t care because her boyfriend is more important than the girl standing in front of her.
“See you,” Yoonchae mutters without another word and begins to walk back to her apartment by herself. She hears Megan curse under her breath but acts like she doesn’t hear it and pretends that it doesn't bother her, but she loops their conversation in her head even while she’s doing her own thing.
-
Yoonchae works the seven to twelve night shift at the convenience store and it’s the same formula for the three days she's stuck here – fingers tapping against the counter, ‘fixing’ her name tag repeatedly, organizing the candy bars near the check-out, and needless to say it’s a little ridiculous at this point. Not only is it repetitive, but it’s straight up boring. The only source of entertainment she gets besides being on her phone when she’s positive no one is around is when a customer comes in and either 1) whistles a popular song as they shop, 2) makes small talk about the latest meme on the internet, or 3) argues with her about supposedly being friends with her boss so Yoonchae is obligated to give them a discount on the stupid amount of food they’re buying at once.
Usually, it’s just her and another employee here and he’s in the back doing university assignments about ninety-nine percent of the time and doesn’t come out unless Yoonchae calls out for him. That means that it’s basically her job to run the store for five hours without a break and it’s not exhausting or anything, she just wishes it was a little more interesting. She could have it worse though, she knows that from the things Manon has told her about working at the club she would easily get overwhelmed within two minutes of being there. Club workers only get paid a little more than what Yoonchae gets on average, which is sad if you really think about it. Megan and her once made plans of going together–
Fuck!
“Why do I keep thinking about her?!” Yoonchae exclaims to herself as she buries her face in her hands from pure frustration. Every little thing reminded her of Megan and she couldn’t escape the constant cycle of reminders she received at any given moment of the day. It’s been four, long, eventful months since they ended things and even though they’re still ‘friends’ it really wasn’t intended to be difficult for Yoonchae to move on like she was supposed to all those nights ago when she left Megan sitting alone at the park. But I have moved on, Yoonchae tries telling herself that she still loves her, that she knows it is true but you can still love someone even after you’ve moved on from someone, she knows it’s possible! Even though Megan has evidently successfully both moved on and stopped loving her all while still being ‘friends’, Yoonchae has failed to do so herself.
“I’m not over her.” Yoonchae says to no one but herself. “Fuck…” She slams her hand on the counter. “Fuck!”
Then, to her dismay, she hears the back door open slowly, “Hey…are you okay?”
Yoonchae turns around on edge only to find her co-worker looking extremely concerned for her well being. She clears her throat, “Uh, yeah. I’m fine.” She forces a smile but then realizes she probably looks absolutely ridiculous given the state he found her in. “Don’t worry about me, I’m all good.”
“Do you want me to take over your shift? I finished my work for the night.”
Yoonchae is about to say that he doesn’t have to and that she can carry on the rest of her shift, but she decides that she might as well take up his offer just this once. She nods in confirmation, and he tells her to grab the new uniforms they now have. Yoonchae goes to their small supply closet and finds the box that has her name on it and looks at the brand new t-shirt. It’s about the same as their current uniform, except for the fact that the blue strips on the arms are now two shades of black darker. The inspiration for the design was obviously Adidas’s classic three stripe pattern but to avoid any trouble (just in case, even though they were a small store with only one other location) they changed the color palette to the point where it looked ridiculous. Yoonchae doesn’t mind it that much since she knows she can just wear a jacket over it, but she knows Megan would be annoyed and–
And there she goes again. Megan, Megan, and more Megan.
She truly isn’t over her. No matter how many times she tries to convince herself otherwise, deep down she knows the truth.
Well fuck.
But she still tries to gaslight herself into thinking otherwise. Maybe she’s just more sensitive thinking of her ex today more than usual because she saw her unexpectedly. Yoonchae needs an answer, though. And unfortunately, her plan to get said answer requires texting Megan.
Yoonchae assumes that Megan won’t see her message for over a day since that’s how she’s been recently, so she would be safe being able to delete her message just in case she had a change of heart on how to approach this. She puts on the shirt (which is a little too big, by the way, as if the person who ordered her shirt knew she liked baggy clothes) and takes a photo of herself with it. Reluctantly, she opens her messages app, clicks on Megan’s contact and gulps as she sends the selfie of her.
[1 Photo Attached.]
this is how the new uniform looks like btw if you were curious
Sent at 10:05 P.M, Delivered
Once she had sent the photo, she was on her way out of the store and thanked her co-worker once again for taking her shift. To her surprise, as soon as she got outside she felt her phone buzz. Then again. Then another time.
She hesitantly took out her phone to see who texted her and was in disbelief when she saw who it was.
Megan:
waittttt its actually better then the old one
it looks good on u
:p
Sent at 10:06 P.M
Yoonchae felt her ears turn red from the compliment. Fuck.
you responded fast
weird
Megan:
lollll
unusual right
ive been wanting to start checking my messages faster again
and the convo we had earlier convinced me to do so
so its thanks to me?
Megan:
👍🏼
while we r chatting
dani said we can get chinese for my bday meal
u down?
-
Contrary to her thoughts, Yoonchae felt fine sitting next to Megan when the six of them went out to eat for the older’s birthday meal. Maybe it’s because she’s finally no longer in denial about whether or not she’s moved on from Megan, but regardless of what the reason was, she let herself loosen up a little at dinner. Yoonchae was actually able to laugh at some of the jokes Megan made, and God the smile she gave her when she heard Yoonchae giggle at her silly remark about her Chinese Zodiac.
“So,” Daniela said as she took a sip of her drink, “Are you planning on getting shit-faced later?”
Megan taps her chin deep in thought. “You know, maybe not.”
Lara raises an eyebrow at her, “What do you mean? You had told me last week your goal was to get wasted.”
Megan shrugs, “Might be bad if I do,” She takes a bite of her food, “My head has been all over the place recently, so maybe drinking won’t be the best solution to my problems. Plus, I’m worried I’ll do something I’ll regret if I get drunk.”
Worried, Sophia speaks up, “I can stay at your apartment if you want,”
Megan shakes her head, “Appreciate it, but I’ll be fine. Maybe I’ll take a shot or two from one of the bottles I bought, but I highly doubt I’ll get drunk.”
“If you say so,”
Yoonchae was listening to their conversation the entire time as she ate her eggrolls (that Megan ordered for her) so she knew that tonight Megan was planning to take it easy for her twenty-first birthday. It kind of did surprise her, but she didn’t want to ask any more questions about it, especially in front of the others. However, she had a bad feeling lingering in the back of her head. By now, she probably should’ve taken that as a sign for something but she chose to ignore it, which was a bad mistake on her part. You would think she would’ve learned by now, but unfortunately she was wrong once more.
Yoonchae is a deep sleeper; she receives calls all night and yet she is unable to wake up from them, no matter the amount. However, she’s been hearing her phone ring for the past two minutes and it has finally managed to wake her from her peaceful slumber. She groans as she reaches over to her nightstand to grab her phone and squints to read the number that’s calling.
Shit.
“Hello?” She says groggily.
“Finally! You picked up! Oh my god I’ve been calling and calling and calling so I thought you were avoiding me and I almost started crying because I really want to talk to you and–”
“Megan,” Yoonchae rubs her forehead, “It’s three in the morning.”
“Huh? No it’s not!” There’s a shuffling noise in the background and Yoonchae doesn’t even bother to try to guess what she is doing.
Yoonchae sighs and she knows for a fact Megan can hear it through the call, “Are you by yourself?”
“Yeah, my man…actually, no, he’s not…he just left.”
At the moment Yoonchae doesn’t really register what she’s saying. “Before or after you got shit-faced?”
“What’s your definition of shit-faced? Ooh, you wanna know mine? I’ll tell you anyway! So you see I think it’s when someone’s face has turned so red…”
Despite being exhausted and having classes in a few hours, Yoonchae gets out of bed and changes out of her pajamas while Megan is running her mouth about various things that the Korean could not care any less about. In fact, she shouldn’t even be out of bed on her way to her friend’s apartment, no, screw that, Megan is her ex yet she’s messaging Sophia to take her seven minutes away from her own apartment. She knows Sophia is awake because her instagram shows that she is still online and she’s proven right when the Filipina responds within a minute.
“Megan, I’ll call you back. Please don’t do anything too stupid,” Yoonchae hangs up on her as she opens the door to Sophia’s car.
“Let me take a guess,” Sophia says as she watches Yoonchae put on her seatbelt, “Megan’s apartment?”
“Don’t ask,”
After a quick but silent drive, Yoonchae thanks her friend and is already dreading the walk up the stairs. Not only is it because it takes a while to climb them, but also because she’s afraid of what she is going to encounter the minute she walks into Megan’s apartment. Will she start laughing when she sees her from complete surprise, or will she start confessing her true emotions about their break-up? To Yoonchae, both the former and the latter seemed like a very plausible answer. Yoonchae hates how she still remembers the code to the apartment, but as of right now it’s convenient for her and she hesitates for a brief second before she turns the door knob and enters.
The first thing that Yoonchae notices is how Wave to Earth is being blasted from Megan’s room with the door wide open. She sucks in a breath of discontentment, because she's the one who put Megan on their music in the first place. Sure, they weren’t necessarily a ‘small artist’, but Megan finally gave their songs a chance because Yoonchae put playlists full of their songs on when they were driving together late at night.
“This song reminds me of you,” Yoonchae told her girlfriend as they had stopped at a red light. She smiles fondly when she sees Megan checking the song title.
“Love by Wave to Earth? Isn’t that your favorite band?” Yoonchae nods and Megan grins so wide from ear-to-ear. “Aw, you’re dedicating a song to me?”
“Of course I am. You should listen to their songs more. Here, I’ll send you the playlist I have of my favorite songs,” Yoonchae is quick to open her phone and share the links of all her playlists with her.
Enough.
Her thoughts get caught off by the slamming of a door, and based on the location, Yoonchae suspects it’s from the bathroom. Her theory is proven true when she sees her girlfriend-turned-ex-girlfriend-turned-friend step into the kitchen with her outfit from earlier, disheveled hair, and flustered cheeks.
At first, she has a deer in the headlights look in her eyes, most likely from being unable to recognize Yoonchae. Then, Megan is beaming so hard like she hasn’t been happy in ages. Maybe she hasn’t. Either way, the alcohol has a more severe effect on her then Yoonchae originally thought because the older doesn’t hesitate to embrace her in a huge hug like she’s a seven year old coming home from school and suffocating her favorite stuffed animal. God, even her perfume from earlier has been masked by the smell of whatever she has been drinking – she can’t put her finger on it, but she recognizes the roasted oak smell from Daniela’s birthday party. Something about a guy named Jack, Yoonchae isn’t too sure.
“I’m so happy you’re here.” Megan chortles into Yoonchae’s shoulder and it’s only then Yoonchae finally realizes she can’t stand straight on her own. Yoonchae stumbles back against the door as her grip tightens around Megan to make sure she doesn’t slip and fall onto the floor. “You know for a moment I thought the door had been left unlocked and some random stranger came in and was planning on taking all of my money but nope! Do you want something to drink? I got water and Jack Daniel’s and water and…what’s the name for a drink that’s sweet and tastes like banana?”
“...Banana milk?”
“Ah, right.” Megan then starts to ramble on about how she finds the different types of water brands confusing because according to her they all taste the same (they don’t) and cost the same price, (not true) but Yoonchae zones out when she realizes she recognizes the hoodie Megan is wearing. That shade of pink, the little half-stitched pocket, it’s all familiar to her…
Fuck! That’s my hoodie.
The hoodie she hasn’t seen in four months wasn’t rotting away in a drawer like she thought. No, it turns out Megan is wearing it right now. So she’s known that she had it in possession but just chose to keep her mouth shut. Why? Not only has had it in possession, but has been wearing the very thing Yoonchae has wanted back for months. Well, one of the things.
“Megan, is that my hoodie?” Yoonchae is cautious as she leads Megan to sit down on the couch. It’s like an obstacle course trying to move all around her apartment because so many things are scattered across the floor.
“Your hoodie?” She looks confused for a moment as she sits down, then a lightbulb goes off in her head. “Oh! Yeah, it’s really your hoodie but I stole it so technically it’s mine now, plus I’ve had it for months and I wear it almost every single day when I’m doing work because it reminds me so much of you and I got really sad when the smell of your perfume disappeared because it’s like really comforting. You should wear it and then give it back to me so it smells like you again, I really like it.”
“Even though we’re no longer dating?” Yoonchae expected a surprised look on Megan’s face, but at this point she can’t expect anything because she is clearly wrong every time.
Megan laughs with her entire chest, “Yoonchaeeee.” She drags out her name, and Yoonchae does admit to herself she finds it cute, even though the latter is intoxicated. “Don’t you know I still care about you like that? I wish we were still dating so I can still call you my girlfriend and kiss you silly and go on dates with you and–”
“Megan,” Yoonchae cuts her off. “Enough.” She can’t deal with this. Not in the early hours of the morning, and definitely not when Megan isn’t aware of half the things she is saying because the alcohol is like a truth serum. What is Yoonchae even supposed to say anyway? That she also cares about her like this, that she feels the same and wishes the same things she does? But the true question is, is Megan messing around, or is she being serious about what she is currently confessing at the moment?
Then she instantly regrets her choice of words because Megan is quick to start pouting, and within ten seconds she begins to sob and tears start to roll down her cheeks. Fuck!
“You don’t care about me, Yoonchae,” Megan wails as she tries to move as far away from Yoonchae as possible without leaving the couch. “Here I am pouring my heart out to here and you don’t fucking care. Shutting me up the moment I want to get personal, bullshit really.” Despite her drunk-dazed state, Megan knows she is acting illogical but the amount of alcohol in her body is letting her control slip through her fingers by the second. If she was sober, she would’ve been able to navigate through the conversation appropriately, but as if right now that is not the case. Even more so when Yoonchae is here with her.
“Wait, I didn’t mean it like that–” Yoonchae’s face falls and she’s suddenly frantic from the way Megan’s mood switches up almost instantly. Why has no one ever told her about these things before? She tries to wrestle Megan into her lap to calm her down but it doesn’t work. She squirms in Yoonchae’s lap as she continues to attempt to shush her, protesting again and again while she whines.
“You can leave if I’m too annoying for you,” Megan sniffles. “No one is holding you at a gunpoint to stay here with me,”
“I do want to stay here with you,” Yoonchae argues while she’s trying to get Megan to stay still, so she wraps her arms around Megan’s waist like it’s engraved in her memory, because fuck it is. Her muscle memory kicks in and while she wants to cringe, she knows that’ll only make things worse.
“Then prove it, but I don’t think you will because for the last couple months you haven’t given a shit–”
“You’re one to talk,” Yoonchae snaps back angrily. “I do give a shit, for fucks sake Megan, it’s four in the morning and I’m here with you! If I wanted to, I could’ve easily left by now but I haven’t. Do you know why? Because yes, I still do care despite me ‘apparently’ acting like I don’t. Why do you think I've been so frustrated with you lately?”
“Oh yeah? Well guess what, the other girls could easily be here too for me, so technically you’re still not proving your point.” Megan turns her head to face Yoonchae completely and points a finger in her face. “You’re pissing me off,”
“Then why don’t you do something about it? You always say you want things to change, but you do nothing.”
Megan scowls, then captures Yoonchae’s lips in a rough kiss. It’s uncoordinated, messy, and sudden all at once and their teeth touch like this is their first time kissing when it’s most certainly not. Yoonchae gasps against her mouth and her eyes flutter shut when she feels Megan’s hand cup her cheek. Yoonchae can just about taste the alcohol on Megan’s lips and it’s sweet, almost like a mix of caramel and vanilla while also tasting bitter all at once. Megan’s grip tightens on Yoonchae’s shoulder as she deepens the kiss and licks the bottom of Yoonchae’s lip.
Then, Yoonchae comes to her senses and realizes this is all so wrong and almost shoves Megan completely off the couch with a horrified look on her face. Megan manages to roll over beside Yoonchae on the cushion and giggles when she sees Yoonchae’s face. “You look silly.” Of course she would go from cursing at her to making out with her to giggling at her within the span of two minutes.
And by ‘silly’, Megan means the way Yoonchae’s face flushes in shame and regret with her hair all messed up and her shirt falling off her shoulder. She attempts to recollect her breath slowly while Megan pokes at her leg with her finger.
“I’m sending you to bed now, whether you like it or not.” Yoonchae suddenly gets up and has to pull Megan off the couch to drag her to her bedroom. Literally. She drags her by the arm across the floor like she’s a bag of rice. “You gotta sleep.”
Megan wiggles her eyebrow. “Ooh, we’re going to my bed?”
“No, just you.” Yoonchae gives up dragging her and makes the choice to force her to stand up while clutching her waist so she doesn’t lose her balance. When they finally make it to her room, Yoonchae lets Megan fall face-first on the mattress and tells her to get comfortable.
“Come sleep with me,” Megan mumbles sleepily into her pillow.
“I’ll do that once you fall asleep. I need to go clean your kitchen.” Yoonchae says as she wraps Megan like a burrito with her blankets as if she’s a little kid. She remembers how Megan loved to be enveloped underneath a giant mountain of blankets and she has always wondered how she does sweat in that. Yoonchae finds it kind of crazy how they were just making out moments ago and now she’s doing this.
“M’kay.” Is the last thing Megan says before she finally falls asleep. When Yoonchae hears her begin to snore, she quietly tiptoes out the room and does in fact clean Megan’s kitchen. She puts all the empty bottles in a plastic bag and wipes the countertops a little just in case Megan had spilled some earlier. Once she’s done, she immediately leaves the apartment with guilt growing inside of her by the second. Yoonchae knows Sophia has been waiting for her the entire time and they don’t say a single word to each other the entire ride back to Yoonchae’s apartment. Even if Sophia tried making conversation, Yoonchae wouldn’t have wanted to say anything, anyway.
-
Yoonchae makes the decision to avoid Megan at all costs. She doesn’t text her, view her instagram stories, or even meet up with the girls to hang out with because she just can’t imagine what she is supposed to say to her after what happened last week on her birthday. Are they supposed to really act like nothing happened that night? They’re exes, yet Yoonchae went to her place and made sure she didn’t get hurt and also kissed her. Well, actually, it was Megan who initiated it, but the point still stands. Yoonchae returned the kiss despite knowing it was wrong.
However, she can’t help but keep wondering, did Megan truly mean everything she told her? Does Megan really wear Yoonchae’s hoodie everytime she misses her a little too much, and does she really wish they were still dating? Yet, those two questions raise many more of them, so she isn’t sure she wants the answer in the first place.
Yoonchae zones out while thinking about all of this. There’s about twenty minutes left of her shift and she’s stuck behind the counter tapping her fingers on the marble again. Her coworker isn’t here today, so she has no one to talk to. The world outside is pitch dark and silent, and it’s unusual for it to be like this on a weekend. Usually, there would always be a group of smokers outside the door trading their blunt and vapes with each other like pokemon cards, but not tonight. It’s empty, and although that means no stress about service, Yoonchae isn’t too fond of the lack of social interaction.
She’s considering taking a nap until the clock strikes midnight until she hears the door bell chime. Her head automatically lifts so she can see the person who entered and Yoonchae almost faints on the spot.
Megan’s standing at the entrance with a pair of grey sweatpants and…Yoonchae’s hoodie. Her hair looks like she just got in a cat fight and she has eyebags as if she hasn’t been able to sleep properly in days. She’s out of breath as if she ran to get here without having a second to waste. At first, Yoonchae considers calling the police if she needs help because why else would her ex be here?
Then, “I can’t handle it anymore. We have to talk.”
Yoonchae feels her heart drop to her stomach. What? She tries to play it cool and looks down at her hands, “Talk? What is there to talk about?” In reality, she knew that there is much to talk about. But was she really ready for this conversation?
Megan looks exasperated and her shoulders slump. “Everything, Yoonchae.”
“So, you’re just here to talk? You don’t need anything?”
“No, I need to talk to you.” Megan takes a step forward towards the counter. “Please.”
“What about your boyfriend? Is he not concerned about you being out at almost midnight, because he is the clingy type, isn’t he?” Maybe those were the wrong words from Yoonchae, but she’s almost given up on her filter.
Megan looks taken aback. Her jaw drops a little, then speaks. “Yoonchae…we’ve been broken up for a bit now.”
Yoonchae is suddenly grateful that she wasn’t in the middle of drinking something, because otherwise she would’ve spat it out and maybe it would've managed to reach Megan. “What?!”
Megan licks her lips and tries to think of the right words to say. “I broke up with him on my birthday. Before I got, you know..”
“Wasted?”
Megan nods. “Yeah. I did it because there wasn’t any point in our relationship. He wasn’t even the reason why I decided to get drunk in the first place.”
Then it clicks to Yoonchae.
“Yeah, my man…actually, no, he’s not…he just left.”
So that’s why she stuttered like that. Yoonchae didn’t catch it then because her mind was more preoccupied with other things, but Megan did in fact tell her that night. “So what was the reason?”
Megan sighs and contemplates what to say. She slowly takes another step forward, testing to see if Yoonchae will take a step back. She doesn’t.
“You,” Megan admits. “Because…I couldn’t stop thinking about you. I haven’t stopped thinking about you since we broke up, Yoonchae.”
“Stop lying, Megan.” Yoonchae mutters, mainly to herself. “You haven’t been able to stop thinking about me? Yeah right,”
“It’s true.” Megan says sheepishly. “And everything I said while I was drunk, or at least the stuff I remember, it’s all true.”
“I don’t understand.” Yoonchae finally looks up again to look at her. “You’re here right now, wearing my hoodie, and that night you got drunk because of me, you admitted that you missed us, you kissed me, yet you dated him for, what? Almost two months?”
It hurts to say these words outloud, but she needs to let them out. “You moved on, Megan. Everyone can see it. We act like we’re friends again when it’s really awkward but you act like we never had anything together. It wasn’t until your birthday I found out you apparently did still care. But how am I supposed to believe that? Be honest with me, why are you really here?”
“You don’t believe me?” Megan looks pained.
“No!” Yoonchae raises her voice a little, “Why should I believe you now, Megan? Who says you aren’t completely sober right now, lying to my face as we speak?”
“Lying to you?” Megan is starting to get a little bothered, “Why would I be lying to you right now? I’m being dead serious.”
“How would I know that?” Yoonchae scoffs. “You haven’t been known for being the most straight-forward in the past.”
Megan takes another step forward, “Okay, that’s not fair, and you know it.”
Yoonchae laughs, although nothing is humorous to her. “Fair? You wanna talk about being fair? You out of all people? How fair was it when we broke up, huh?”
“That was mutual. We both agreed!”
“Barely. You never asked explicitly what I wanted.”
“Because I thought that was it. I told you twice if there was anything specific you wanted to do with what we were. You stayed quiet, so was it wrong I assumed?”
Yoonchae thinks back to the conversation they had when they ended things. They were sitting at the park together on the bench and up to that point they had both noticed things were starting to dwindle between them. Megan had thought it would be for the best if they stayed friends, and Yoonchae agreed with little to say. However, deep down, she wanted them to take a break but didn’t say it aloud because she was afraid of Megan disagreeing with her. She regrets not speaking up, and it’s stayed at the back of her mind for the last four months because fuck, maybe things would still not be odd for them.
“Answer me, Yoonchae.” Megan interrupts her train of thought.
Instead, Yoonchae shifts the conversation. “Did you ever actually care about our relationship?”
“What?”
“You moved on so fast, especially for someone who claimed they loved me more than anything.” Megan wasn’t the flirt type of person, but when she told Yoonchae that for the first time it made the younger blush like crazy. “You seemed so happy with him, and you were perfectly fine with us going back to square one all so quickly.”
“Happy with him?!” Megan repeats as if it’s the most ridiculous thing in the world.
“Yes, happy with him. I’m not crazy, am I? You had no problem being with him every time he asked and abandoning the girls, actually, no, me because you loved him–”
“It was all fake, Yoonchae!” Megan yells as if she’s had those words bottled up in her for months, which she probably has. Yoonchae flinches at her words, she’s never heard her like this before. “I never loved him for even a heartbeat. Fuck, I barely even liked him! Yes, he’s a great guy and all, but I only dated him to try to get over you! And you know what, Yoonchae? It didn’t work at all. It was a waste of my time, of his time, and as well as your time. Does it make me a shitty person to use him as a rebound? Probably, and I’m not afraid to admit that, but I’m not gonna let you sit here and believe that I ever stopped loving you. I know I’m not completely blameless in this, because God knows I didn’t do our relationship any favors by not properly communicating with you, but, hell Yoonchae. What would it have taken for you to be selfish for once that day? Maybe not for me, but for yourself?”
Tears are now running down Megan's cheeks and Yoonchae’s heart breaks at the sight. This certainly wasn’t what she was expecting during her final shift of the week. She feels Megan rest her hand on top of hers like a peace offering.
“I still love you.” Megan confesses. “I haven’t stopped loving you, and I don’t think I’ll stop, no matter how much time passes. I still think about you all the time, I do things that remind me of you without even realizing it. For fucks sake,” She looks down at her own outfit. “I’m wearing your sweatshirt. I wear it all the time. I daydream about you like a lovesick highschooler. As much as I sometimes wish in the middle of the night I could forget about us, I can’t.” Megan points at Yoonchae’s uniform, “Who do you think told our manager to get your t-shirt two sizes larger than normal? You think he would’ve known?”
Megan wipes her tears with her hand as she continues. “You wanna know why I’m on my phone less than I used to? It’s because it’s just filled with memories of you. It hurts to even take a peak of my camera roll. I hate opening my messages app just to see your contact name without a silly nickname or emoji. That’s why I take so long to respond, or I don’t respond at all. That’s why I would hang out less and less with the girls, too. I thought that maybe the less I was around you, the quicker it would be to get over my feelings for you, but love doesn’t fade away easily, does it?”
Yoonchae doesn’t say or do anything, but the flicker in her eyes tells Megan she agrees.
“And you think I don’t regret it? Fuck, Yoonchae, you’ve all I’ve been thinking about even though I thought we, no, I made the right choice.”
Megan slowly cups her cheeks, resulting in Yoonchae looking up at her. “You still care too, don’t you? You’ve had plenty of time to go back to your regular haircut.”
Yoonchae chuckles quietly. “Yeah. I haven’t been able to move on, either. I tried to convince myself that I no longer love you, but that hasn’t worked out too well for me if I’m being honest.” She walks out the side of the counter so there’s no longer a wall between them and she’s quick to wrap her hands around Megan’s waist. Megan’s hands find her face again. “I miss us,” She confesses.
“I miss us too.” Megan agrees. “I meant everything I said that night, I do miss calling you my girlfriend. I do miss kissing you silly. I do miss going on dates with you. Shit, I miss all of it. I’d give you everything and more to make you happy again, Yoonchae.”
Yoonchae tilts her head a little and leans in so their foreheads are touching. “I’m just scared. I don’t know what we’re doing anymore.”
“Me either.” Megan swallows the lump in her throat. “But can you give me another chance?”
“Megan–”
“Let me finish,” She presses a finger against her lips, “Give me another chance to love you again, properly this time. I’ll let you be more honest with me. I’ll encourage you to do so. Please. If we tried again, what would you think about that?”
“How do you feel about it?”
“I’m asking you, Yoonchae.”
She’s silent for a moment, “I want us to try again, too. You asking me to give you another chance isn’t fair though, I also had my own faults in our relationship as well.”
“Not as important as mine, though.”
“Doesn’t matter. The point is, it can work out for us again.” Yoonchae smiles at Megan for the first time in months, and the latter looks so hopeful.
Megan smirks, “I want to kiss you so bad right now.”
Of course she would say that, “It’s a minute until midnight.” Yoonchae checks her watch.
“When the minute is over, can I take you back to my apartment? Please?” Megan asks as if Yoonchae would say no.
“And kiss me all night long? Like I wouldn’t want that.” Yoonchae jokes, and she leaves the warmth of Megan’s touch to close up the store, because as soon as the clock strikes twelve she wants to get out of here.
And when it does, she’s quick to follow Megan out the store and to her car and she practically jumps into the passenger seat. Megan goes over the speed limit just a little, but since it’s late at night, no one's around to witness it. She’s very much grateful that her apartment is so close by, because her leg is bouncing from want, even more so when Yoonchae’s hand brushes against it.
Megan almost forgets to lock her car door if it weren’t for Yoonchae reminding her to do so as they walked into the complex building. By the time they make it to Megan’s apartment, Yoonchae is already kissing down her neck as Megan fumbles with her keys. They’re both so incredibly impatient it’s a little insane but they wouldn’t have it any other way. “Yoonchae,” She holds back a groan, "At least let me get the damn door open.”
Yoonchae pulls back for a moment and Megan is finally able to unlock her door. She immediately pulls Yoonchae into her apartment, closes and locks the door, shoves her against the wall and smashes her lips onto hers desperately. Megan cradles Yoonchae’s head as their mouths reconnect just like they did on her birthday. Although they did kiss that night, it wasn’t as intense as it is now. It strongly reminds Yoonchae of the first time they had slept together. She fumbles with Megan’s hoodie (well, hers.) and they pause their kiss just so Yoonchae can help her take it off and once it’s on the floor they waste no time in reconnecting their lips. Megan’s fingers run through Yoonchae’s hair softly and she pulls her even closer.
Megan can hear Yoonchae’s heartbeat as they kiss, and she smiles against her mouth when she feels Yoonchae’s arms snake around her waist once more. “Can we go to your room?” Yoonchae mumbles, and Megan, only wanting to give her the best, is fast to pick her up and carries her to her bedroom and lets her softly fall onto her mattress. Yoonchae pulls Megan into the bed with her and she wraps her legs around her waist like a koala as she kisses her again.
“I love you,” Megan says as she’s careful to take off Yoonchae’s uniform. “So so much. I’m sorry I ever made you think otherwise.” Yoonchae doesn’t say anything, she just starts pressing kisses onto Megan’s neck and at one point she sucks on her skin and Megan whimpers above her.
So that night, it’s just two lovers linking together again like they were always supposed to be, just like two puzzle pieces.
-
Yoonchae wakes up the next morning and at first she’s confused as to where she is. She rubs her eyes and sees that she’s wearing a loose, black t-shirt with a pair of grey sweatpants. She’s even more confused until she looks around the room and remembers that she’s at Megan’s apartment, in Megan’s bed, in Megan’s clothes. She almost laughs at herself until she hears the door open slowly.
Speaking of Megan, she walks in with a small cup of coffee in her hand and is surprised to see Yoonchae awake. “Oh. Morning. How long have you been awake?”
“Like, a minute ago.” She points at the drink in Megan’s hand, “Since when did you drink coffee?”
“Since this morning, apparently.” She shrugs, “I just craved it for some odd reason.” It’s only then that Yoonchae notices the dark red spots on Megan’s neck and grins. She thinks back to what they did last night, and her face turns red just at the thought of it.
Megan catches Yoonchae’s flushed expression, because of course she does, and laughs. “You good?” Yoonchae is now suddenly shy and she hides underneath the covers. She hears Megan set the mug down on her bedside and the next thing she knows is the bed dipping beside her and Megan cuddling right next to her. Her body is pressed up behind Yoonchae’s back, “Awwww, are you shy?”
“I have no clue what you’re talking about.” She lies as she feels Megan press a kiss to her cheek.
They stay in each other’s embrace for a while in comfortable silence. Despite the coffee, Megan almost falls asleep until Yoonchae breaks the silence. “I love you too, by the way.”
“Hmm?” Megan thinks she’s hallucinating for a moment.
“I said I love you too,” Yoonchae turns her head to face Megan. “I didn’t say it last night, so I’m saying it now.”
“Oh,” Megan says. “Oh. I knew that. It’s just nice to hear it from you.” Megan leans in to give Yoonchae a soft kiss. “Besides, you said other things last night that proved it anyway.”
Yoonchae groans in annoyance and turns around to hide her face. “Megannnnnnnn.”
“What?” Megan giggles into her neck. “It’s funny!”
“Only because you’re the one teasing me.” Yoonchae pouts. “I hate you,”
“Sure you do,”
And they both know the truth – they love each other, and those months apart didn’t do anything to change what they felt for each other. They both struggled with their feelings, but what matters the most is that they’re together again, happily in each other’s arms, and they wouldn’t have it any other way.