Chapter Text
I came to Nevermore to make friends. To be a part of something.
That was the whole point.
At my old school, the other kids never trusted me, as soon as they knew what I could do.
Fact is (and I learned that quickly) If you can disappear whenever you want, people start to assume you’re always sneaking around. That you always listening from the shadows, even when you’re not.
So they kept their distance, always watching me out of the corners of their eyes and whispering.
Those god damn whispers…
But after many tries to prove them wrong and failing, I realized, when you hear the same whispers over and over, you start to wonder if it even matters. If people already think you’re lurking behind every corner, then why not do it?
So I did.
I started slipping away when nobody was looking, testing how long it took them to notice. Sometimes they never did.
And the more I practiced, the better I got, until I could follow people for hours without being caught, memorizing the way they walked, the little things they muttered when they thought they were alone… their true selves.
But I soon realized, it’s a lonely path.
Knowing so much about everyone else while no one bothers to know you.
That’s why I thought Nevermore would be different.
A place full of people, who understood what it felt like to be looked at sideways, people who wouldn’t flinch when I disappeared in front of them. I thought maybe here I would stop being so lonely.
***
So my first day at Nevermore I really tried and at first it almost felt possible.
I sat down in the dining hall with a group of girls from my dorm. Bubbly people, boring but they would do for the beginning, so I asked them about classes, tried to laugh at the right moments, tried to sound like I belonged.
But they soon acted like I wasn’t there at all… It didn’t click and by the end of lunch I was sitting alone.
In class it wasn’t much better.
Watching the others too closely, my eyes maybe lingered longer than they should on them… But that’s how I’ve always paid attention! Okay, it didn’t really help that I panicked and disappeared.
But to me it feels like listening, but to them… It looks like I’m tearing them apart, striping them down to their deepest secrets.
As if! They're not interesting enough…
But by the time I made it back to my room that night, I knew.
It didn’t matter that this was Nevermore.
Different is still different and mine was never the kind people welcomed.
It was just like outside, only with fancier walls and creepier paintings.
And then I saw her: Wednesday Addams.
I adore her. I did right away and it’s because… She isn’t like anyone here or anywhere else. People fear and admire her at the same time and I wanted that… I needed her as my best friend!
So I started to follow her, learning what she liked and disliked.
Her routines and habits… and her (current) friends.
Unfortunately (for me) there is this wolfgirl Enid Sinclair, who got to sit in her room, share her secrets, walk beside her like it’s the most natural thing in the world.
She’s nothing like her and I honestly don’t get it.
She talks too much, laughing at things that aren’t really funny, dying her hair like she wants everyone to stare at her…
She shouldn’t be the one who gets to be close to Wednesday. They don’t match. Not like I do with Wednesday.
So I decided I would figure out why.
If I could understand what Enid does, how she manages to keep that spot beside her, maybe I could take it. I have an advantage no one else here has. When I want to, no one can see me. I can vanish. Slip through crowds, stand right behind someone and they’ll never notice. It should be easy.
But the first time I tried following Enid, she turned her head like she would hear me breathing and said without even looking: “You can come out now, Agnes.”
That’s when it changed. It wasn’t just about Wednesday anymore.
It was about beating Enid at something I was supposed to be good at.
So the next day I tried again.
I waited until she left her room and started to trail behind her. We almost got to her class, as she suddenly turned around furiously: “Fuck off, Agnes!” She yelled and it startled me so much, I showed myself.
After that, every day after classes, I would test myself. Invisibility on, footsteps light, breath held. And every time, somehow, she caught me.
At first she needed a few minutes before she picked up on it, like she had to be listening for me.
But lately, it’s instant. The moment I step into the hall, the moment I slip through the crowd, she stiffens like I’ve brushed her shoulder and then I hear her pissed off voice: “Agnes.”
It doesn’t make sense. I haven’t gotten worse. If anything, I’ve gotten better. But for her, I might as well not be invisible at all.