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Cyber City was a chaotic place.
If the internet was known as ‘The Wild West’, then Cyber City had to be one hell of a rodeo. And bar the odd exception, this unpredictability and quirkiness was embraced by the city’s population. Even its ruler Queen would jump at the possibility of fanning the flames for her own amusement.
As such, even the smallest, insignificant things about the city could become catalysts for a wacky situation. For example, the doors to Queen’s Mansion remained open at all times. No exceptions. No matter the hour or occasion, she thoroughly enjoyed the unpredictability of random guests. As long as you have fun, (and respect the pottery) the Mansion doors were your doors.
Furthermore, the walls of Queen’s Mansion were paper thin. The sounds of the dozen or so Swatchlings chirping first thing in the morning often served as a second alarm clock for Queen. (The first one was built into her, obviously. Why wouldn’t it be?) So if- for example, Tasque Manager decided to go on an early-morning organization spree, the entire mansion was bound to hear it within minutes.
Though, that wasn’t *too* much of an issue, really. Because Cyber City never really slept; the vast majority of its residents being Night Owls. Don’t get her wrong, not everyone was. For example- Swatch kept a somewhat regular sleep schedule so as to not impact his work and Tasque Manager’s dedication for order meant she wouldn’t let either end of her sleep schedule fall even a minute out of line. Queen herself only needed a couple hours recharge time as a laptop. This gave her the luxury of being up at practically all hours outside that couple-hour long window.
And it was during this couple-hour long window on one fateful day that all hell managed to break loose.
Queen found herself being pried awake by the sound of rapid scratching. At first, she chalked it up to a Maus managing to clip into the wall. But after some quick audial analysis, she concluded that the scratching covered too big an area for such a small file. Plus, the maus could only really roll, not scratch. After half an hour (and a slow realization that there was no way this was stopping on its own) passed by, Queen powered herself up and went to scout the source of the sound.
Thankfully, it didn’t take too long for Queen to find the perpetrator. Unthankfully, this meant she had no time to prepare herself for the awkward reality of staring a very flustered suit-clad Addison in the eyes as she entered his room.
“Ack– [Queen Bee], ever heard of a lil’ something called knocking?! You scared me half to death, woman!”
“Spamton.” Queen’s display flared up in an array of question marks, the situation processing about as well as a virus-ridden program from the 90’s. “What The Heck Are You Doing? You’re Going To Tear Up: My Freaking Wallpaper???”
“Isn’t it all just one big jpeg anyway?”
“So Is Everything Else In This Place Bro. What's Your Point?”
“...shit.”
“...”
The pair stared at each other a little longer. Neither of them really seemed to be in the mood for talking- Spamton in particular seemed about .3 seconds from bluescreening into the floor beneath him. Noticing how the other seemed to be getting worse, Queen decided to break the silence.
“Alright I’m Just Gonna Alt Tab Us Somewhere Else So I Can Get A Freaking Explanation For This. Up You Go Little Man.”
“WH–?”
Before Spamton had any semblance of a chance to question what that meant, the Android seized him by his jacket collar and carried him out the room in some degree of disgrace. Wiggling was out of the question, the last thing he wanted to do was give Queen more ammunition to interrogate him, after all, so the Addison just resigned himself to dangling there until the pair landed in the ground floor lobby.
“...So.”
“So,” Spamton echoed, shuffling in place a bit as he felt the laptop stare him down, “How goes your day so far, Queenie?”
“Come On Spamton,” Queen muttered, “Every Time I’ve Found You At This Hour, You’re Either Unconscious In The Middle Of The Floor Or Chained To That Landline Like It Was Your Lifeline. Also. Checking Calendar. I Could’ve Sworn You Weren’t Going To Be Back From TV World Until Monday?”
“Fucking hell, you’re just gonna go ahead and [Talking ‘Bout The Good Old Days!] my whole life story?! Who died and made you a detective?”
“Me LMAO. Now Answer.”
“Fine! Fine, fine, [fine!].” Spamton huffed, a vividly noticeable blush tinging his cheeks. “I’m having a bit of [Trouble in Paradise], if you must know.”
“Oh Damn Really? Did You Get Into A Fight With Your Silly Little Co-Host?”
“Nope, Idiot Box and I are gettin’ along just fine. That’s kind of the issue.”
“How The Beep Is That An Issue?” Queen asked, “Finding Someone Who Actually Likes You For You Is A Freaking Miracle. How Are You Having Issues?”
“Aren’t you a charmer?” Spamton responded, rolling his eyes as the latter laughed. “Nah, him and I working together ain’t an issue. It’s more so…”
Spamton’s blush grew much more vibrant as his brain physically shut down his ability to give any more details. Queen’s display flickered back into a string of question marks before everything slowly seemed to process. She blinked- staring the Addison down for a solid ten seconds.
“Disabling Censorship Protocols.” Queen muttered- a different tone lingering in her voice. A moment or two more passed and finally, Queen’s reaction hit.
And oh boy, was it one.
“HOLY SHIT?!”
“Do you [10 Quick and Easy Tips to calm your mind!], woman?! It’s not THAT groundbreaking!”
“LMAOOOOOO, OH MY FUCKING GOD????”
After Queen’s laughing fit (somewhat) subsided, she ran to rapidly knock on the door of the Color Cafe. Her internal clock told her that Swatch would be more than awake by now, there was no way in hell she was going to let herself be the only person (well, programme) with this information. Thankfully, it didn’t take too long for the latter to emerge; a little ruffled than usual due to the sudden disturbance.
“Good Morning, our Queen. Do you require something?”
“SWATCH. BUDDY. DUDE.” SPAMTON G SPAMTON IS IN A FUCKING RELATIONSHIP???”
“WE’RE NOT DATING!!” The Addison yelled, his blush now vastly more violent. “IT’S A CRUSH, WOMAN. A [Raspberry Crush- No Added Sugar for $0.99]!!”
Fortunately for every person not named Spamton in that room, the Addison’s mouth was just a little faster than his mind at that moment. A whole commercial’s worth of silence filled the room before Swatch decided to slowly step back into the cafe, his face stoic as always.
“...good day to you all.”
The door shut with a noticeable slam, leaving a more than humiliated Spamton to stand in place while Queen was still in noticeable hysterics. After a few more minutes of this, the Android took several deep breaths and finally pulled herself together.
“Running Calm Down.exe. Enabling Censorship Protocol. Oh Goodness I Have Not Laughed That Hard In So Freaking Long.”
“...glad I was enough of a [Clown Around Town] for ya liking.”
“Thanks Bro.” Queen giggled, before quickly switching herself into a state of focus, “Now Let’s Rewind A Bit. You’re Seriously: Crushing On That Guy???”
“...[Positive].”
Pause.
“You’re the second person who knows and the second person to [Laugh out Loud] at the mere notion, for the record.”
“Damn??? Who’s The Second Guy?”
“...Ramb.”
“LMAO God I Freaking Miss That Guy Sometimes,” Queen grinned. “But I Will Say It Isn’t The Biggest Surprise?”
“It’s not?”
“You Are Always Gushing About How Much Fun You Have With That Guy When You Come Back Here. “And When You Bring The Big Guy With You It’s Even Worse. You Two Never Leave Each Other’s Sides.”
Queen mused, looking the shorter figure up and down once more before some kind of file projected behind her.
“Looking At What I Wrote In ‘And They Were Co-Hosts.txt’… You Smoke On The Balcony Together Each Night. You Always Insist On Buying Him Food And Drink At Color Cafe. You Take Him To All Your Favorite City Spots. Hell- You Let Him Fall Asleep In Bed With You Once?”
Queen closed up the file, one last chuckle escaping her as she did, “You Could’ve Told Me You Kissed Him On The Mouth And I Would’ve Been Less Surprised LMAO.”
“DO YOU MIND, [One Female Puppy For Sale Near You!]?! You’ve already [pulled me by the Silly Strings] through the [Thick, Oozy Mud] more than enough this [6am Morning Show]; let me at least have some [$!$!] BREATHING ROOM!!”
Queen’s display flickered in shock as he watched the (now entirely red) Addison rant and rave as his nervous tic inserted itself more and more into his speech. As Spamton screamed to an imaginary audience, Queen’s mind became overclocked with how she could possibly help her friend out. Eventually, her engine landed on a choice.
“Buddy. I’m Going To Be Honest With You,” Queen began, “That Guy Loves The Weird Little Feathers Off Of You. Also He Seems To Kinda Latch Onto Anyone Who Gives Him More Than Just The Time Of Day. I Think You Do Have A Pretty Good Shot Unless You Royally Beep Up.”
“...eh?” Spamton mumbled; his blush slowly going down. Seeing Queen actually get genuine with him was a treasured rarity and he couldn’t help but crack a smile at the words. Even if she had her own unorthodox way of showing it, Queen *did* believe in him.
But Spamton couldn’t trap himself in wholesome wonder for too long as regal laughter hit his ears once more.
“LMAO Don’t Worry I’m Gonna Be Your Wacky Wingbot In All This. And I’ll Make Sure To Add A Giant Freaking Tenna Statue To Your Room So You Can Kiss Him Even When You’re Apart.”
“[$!$!] YOU?! I’M NEVER COMING TO YOU FOR [Life Advice Here] AGAIN!”
Queen’s laughter protocol fired straight back up at the other’s reaction. She made a mental note to send a hand-written apology to every non-Spamton Mansion Resident for all the noise they’d caused from this Morning’s chaos. Though, she regretted absolutely nothing. Despite her lower than average charge, this whole fiasco had more than made her week.
“...Queen?” Spamton suddenly piped up.
“Yeah?”
“Do I really have a [Now’s Your Chance to-] here?”
“Variable Set To True,” Queen validated with a nod, “Honestly You Two Weirdos Are Kinda Made For Each Other.”
“Damn… Well… Thanks?”
“No Problem, Spam,” Queen responded, her display softening for a nanosecond before flashing straight back to ‘LMAO’. “I’m Still Putting The Statue In Your Room Though.”
“Please don’t, for the love of The Angel. It’s just gonna take up space,” Spamton faintly chuckled, “Maybe… something smaller could be better? Like a figurine?”
“Aight Sure We Can Do… Wait. Running Reminder Search For: Previous Internet-Based Figurine Incidents.”
Queen’s display blinked a few times before her expression went blank as some kind of realization hit her.
“Dude??? What The Beep Do You Want To Do With It? Am I Gonna Have To Get Swatch To Lock The Damn Jar Cupboard?”
“OH, FOR [$!$!] SAKE-”